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Father’s Day Tribute: Our Miracle Girl With Host Howard Brown
Episode 3114th June 2023 • Shining Brightly • Howard Brown
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Father’s Day 2023 – being a DAD is the GREATEST HONOR for me! In Episode 31 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show (links in the comments), I produce a solo show called my “Father’s Day Tribute – Our Miracle Girl” The story begins with lessons from my great grandmother Bubby Bertha Budish, Grandfather Papa Leo Brown, my dad, Marshall (Happy Father’s Day Pop) and mom, Nancy and wife Lisa. The family memories and values I carry forward about compassion, care, kindness and giving all matter! Facing a stage IV cancer diagnosis at age 23, having children was not on my mind but Dr Eric Rubin spoke to me about fertility treatments and scheduled an appointment to the cryogenic center before chemotherapy started. You will have to tune in to see how my fatherhood story plays out. Come listen, download, share and this amazing story of my life and the birth of our frozen kidcycle Emily Lauren Brown  blessed our family.

Mentioned Resources

Website – www.shiningbrightly.com

Amazon – https://tinyurl.com/BuyShiningBrightly

Podcast - https://shining-brightly.captivate.fm/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/howardsbrown/

About the guest

Howard Brown is a Silicon Valley entrepreneur, award-winning international speaker, inspirational podcaster, best-selling author of his memoir “Shining Brightly” and a two-time stage IV cancer patient, survivor, advocate and healthcare consultant. He shares the keys to leading a resilient life with hope that drives successful community leaders, business innovators and patient advocates. Be prepared to be inspired!


About the Host:

Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.

Website: Http://www.shiningbrightly.com

Social Media

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36

LinkedIn - https://wwwlinkedin.com/in/howardsbrown

Instagram - @howard.brown.36


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Transcripts

Howard Brown:

Hello, it's Howard Brown. Welcome to the Shining

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Brightly Show. You got me today, it's a solo episode in honour of

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Father's Day 2023. Let me first by giving a huge shout out to

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all the dads out there. Listen, it's an honour to actually be a

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dad. It's a privilege to be a dad, there's work involved. But

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listen, there's no better feeling than actually being a

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dad and growing a family. So we're going to talk about that.

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And we're gonna talk about my journey today. So this is a

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Father's Day tribute. And I'll start kind of some where values

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and influences started for me, and I was five years old, and my

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twin sister, CJ brown Jiang, Marissa and I were walking down

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the sidewalk with Barbie Bertha Buddhists who came over from

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Lithuania. What an amazing story for her to come over Orthodox

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Jewish, great grandmother, or Bobby. And she taught us some

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lessons. And those lessons were how to actually live a good

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life. And the word she taught us was has said, and has it in

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Hebrew means kindness. And she said, you can always be kind,

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living a life of kindness, it's a choice, and choose kindness.

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Really wise words there. The second word she chose was to

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live a life of giving. And in Hebrew, the word is sadaqa. And

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it's the justice of giving. And she said that you have to be

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able to give to others, there's less fortunate people out there.

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And giving is part of of a great life. And then lastly, she

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talked about healing yourself and then healing others and

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healing the world. And that word is called Hakuna Olam. And that

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is repairing and healing a broken world. And that is

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godlike. So those three lessons that we took from an early age

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of living a life of kindness, of giving, and then healing

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ourselves in healing others to repair a broken world is a good

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life. So I am just grateful for Bobby Bertha Buddha's to give us

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those lessons, those values to be able to take forth and try to

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apply on a daily basis. Next, there was Papa Leo Brown, my

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dad's dad, and he was graduated high school, but got drafted

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into World War Two and he served as a private first class in

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Italy. And what I observed from Papa Leo was that family first

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family was everything to him. They grew up in the Great

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Depression, we used to go shopping. And the big thing with

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Papa Leo is that if can with cans of corn were on sale. Okay.

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Now, at that time, they might have been a quarter a can and

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they were on sale for a few pennies last, he would stock up

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with cases, he didn't actually want to go short. So you can

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think about during COVID, those runs of toilet paper. He always

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wanted to have enough to provide for his family and not run out

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since he grew up fairly poorly. And he also was a hard worker.

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And I noticed that he used to actually sing a song to us that

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if you want to be the top banana, you got to start at the

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bottom of the bunch. So think about the memories from your

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grandparents that that actually were bestowed upon you and that

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you can remember today and then moving on to my dad, Marshall,

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Brown. Boy, listen, he was young man got my mom was 19. He was I

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think 22 years old, and they had twins. So my dad who had been

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the first person in our family to graduate college, the

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University of Bridgeport, I think in around 1964 and got

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married right away and had to go to work because we were born in

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St. Louis. He was there in a training programme. And then

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they moved us back to the Boston suburbs of Framingham, about 20

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minutes from Boston. And what I noticed growing up was that he

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was working to support his family. So he's a shoe salesman,

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on the road. And then on the weekends, you He was working in

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a shoe store, Al Bundy, right. And at nights he was working at

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the hostess, bakery shop, and obviously the plant, and he's

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making hostess cupcakes and Twinkies. And so my mom was

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taking care of twins, and he's working three jobs to make ends

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meet. And to give us a good life. And so that hasn't changed

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very much. My dad at 80 years old is still working. I don't

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think he's ever going to retire. But that's okay. But that value

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of work stuck with me. And he got to take us out on some road

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trips, and he valued that ability to be able to provide

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for his family. Now. I will tell you as we got older, even though

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he was working and on the road and away a lot when he was home,

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he was an active dad. So I will tell you that we sat out in the

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front yard in the driveway shooting baskets, and he would

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rebound with me for hours. I don't think I think he might

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have missed one game of my basketball career. In high

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school or in college. He made it his schedule around seeing me

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play and seeing my sister who did sports a little bit

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gymnastics, but very much a presence. Whether it was

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throwing the football around, or swimming in the pool, going to

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the gym playing tennis, jogging, we used to do a trail called

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Rudy the rabbit in our reservoir, narrow house, great

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memories of my dad. And so, quick story. My mom went to play

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mahjong with her girlfriends. And that's with tiles. It's I

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think it's a Japanese Chinese game. And my dad let us stay up

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late. So we got to stay up late. And my mom found out not too

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happy. So we gave him the best father award. It was like a

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little trophy we've made. And for years and years, we've

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always given them the best father award. So Dad, you get

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the best father award every year that that were around. So cool,

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cool stuff. Now, I want to talk about family tradition. Because

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oh my goodness, my grandparents, Lillian and Mike Shapiro, have

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blessed memory, started a tradition where they would pick

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us up on a Friday or maybe even a Thursday night. And we would

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drive to Long Island to Queens, and we would pick up my cousins.

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And they were, Michelle was one year younger, Doug was, I think

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four years younger, Michelle, and Douglas and CJ and I, and we

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would all be in a car together. These are like, bucket seats.

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I'm sorry, they were like bench seats. And so three in the back

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three in the front. And we would drive from New York City up to

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the Catskill Mountains. I think we started doing this gotta be

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like eight years old. And we did it to 18. And we go up to the

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Catskill Mountains, and they have all these hotels grows and

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grows, I'm not sure they're in business anymore. The Concord,

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the Homer whack. It was it was amazing. And we were there just

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with our grandparents, we had adjoining rooms that were

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connected, and we would get to go, my grandfather taught us to

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play golf. We were going swimming, and huge dining halls

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or rooms of meals. And we saw shows at night. And I think some

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of the time we'd cut out of the shows because it was a weird

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time to go to bed, keeping, you know, keeping us up late at

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night. But I think about all those special memories of the

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food and the fun that we had. And we sang songs together in

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the car to pass the time. My grandfather's favourite was You

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Are My Sunshine. And we sang John jingle John Jacob

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Jingleheimer. Schmidt,

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I mean, oh, my God, we have so many different types of songs,

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the wheels on the bus. And we're a little kids at the time. But I

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don't I think that the appreciation we got was that we

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actually had a family tradition that we would look forward to

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all year long. And, you know, meeting up with my remote

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cousins in New York, and then heading up to the Catskills, and

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we just didn't want it to end was so fantastic. And I want you

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to think about, you know, some family memories and traditions

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that you have for your families, too. And the great thing is, is

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that when my sister and I had kids, we're gonna get into that

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in a second. My parents started a tradition of taking everyone

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to their happy place called Ogunquit Beach, Maine. And so

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imagine flying everybody and we were in California some of the

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Time and then all in Michigan, flying to Boston, going to bobby

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Nancy's house and Papa Marsh's pool for the first night. And

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that was like a Thursday night and then Friday morning, we were

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up early. And we're all headed in the caravan like three cars,

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all the way up to Ogunquit Beach, Maine. And we would

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actually stay at the Aspen quit hotel, a bridge, walk from the

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beach, and then close enough to downtown Algonquin, where all

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the restaurants and the ice cream and all the shops were and

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we did this, oh my God, my parents were going up there for

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40 some odd years. We did this since our kids were born. And we

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missed a few because of COVID. And then we lived in California

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for a little bit but we got to go up there and the kids would

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go on the trolleys that we would walk to Perkins Cove, after

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dinner every night they got to my mom would take them to the

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candy store. Every morning my dad would go on to Dunkin Donuts

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run for everybody. So every morning it's Dunkin Donuts and a

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doughnut or a croissant and coffee and juice and all that.

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And then we would head down to the beach for the day. And

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living in the water freezing cold playing games, walking to

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different parts of the beach and then coming back after hopefully

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not being sunburned to swim in the pool and go to early dinner.

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My dad was like the kids got to eat at 530 was like clockwork.

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But another just family tradition and I'm just teasing

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you with the highlights. You can buy my book and you can you can

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read all the deets, but it was truly, really incredible. And I

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want to just call out some fatherly advice. So I had gotten

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to Connecticut College. It wasn't really the right fit for

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me. And my dad said you're taking summer classes, you're

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going to play basketball work and take summer classes at

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Babson College. And I did. And I found my place there at Babson

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the number one school for entrepreneurship, and it changed

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the trajectory of my life. So thanks, Dad, for really making

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sure that I was actually on the right track when I got off the

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track. So that's what dads do, right? And then after graduating

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Babson I started my career. And for those that know me, they

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know the story. But for those that don't. At age 23, and a

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half, I was diagnosed with stage four T cell non Hodgkins

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lymphoma. Now, during the headlights, yes, no internet, no

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cell phones, no real computer use. Dad, dad got a book on

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cancer. And we had to learn what was all about. But things were

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dark for me. And my mom and dad, I moved home. And we didn't get

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any good news. I was failing the therapies and things look really

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dark. And the only good news is my twin sister ended up being an

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exact bone marrow match stem cell transplant and roll the

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clock forward to May 24 of 1990. I had a bone marrow transplant a

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week before I had Rockem sockem chemo and full body radiation

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twice a day. And I was in an isolation room think boy in the

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bubble. And we were hoping to see if her bone marrow would

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work and not kill me right away. And we were hoping it did and it

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was infused in me. And her immune system became my immune

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system. Miracle number one. I mean, that's a one in 25,000

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chance of being a match. Incredible. I still can't fathom

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it. I mean, how blessed grateful and lucky was I and I went

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through a clinical trial and I got my life back. And I got to

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move to California and start to rebuild my mental toughness, my

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physical fitness, my confidence, working again, hitting the

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basketball court out and Marina del Rey with the ocean breeze

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right off the beach there. Oh, that was kind of cool. And then

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by adding community service into my life, I met my wife at the

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Jewish Federation of Los Angeles in 1993. And she, she said, You

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know what, we were actually at it like a college fair looking

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to volunteer in the community in the Jewish community. And she

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said you'd be a great Jewish Big Brother. And I signed up they

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did all the background checks and the fingerprinting and I got

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matched with a young man who was 10 young boy, Ian Ellis met his

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mom, Susan who's passed away a blessing memory and I became a

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big brother. And I learned a lot about being a big brother but

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really it translated into being My dad, because I was stepping

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in kind of for his dad that was in prison, and now passed away.

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And I learned so much about Ian and about his family and I had

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never had a little brother. And we got to experience life and

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wrap ourselves around each other. And what an amazing

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experience from playing chess on the beach to take him to his

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first concert, to flying out to San Francisco to spend weekends

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with us. And then as he progressed and went to college,

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at UC Santa Cruz and his master's at Florida State, and

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then he ended up going to Hastings Law School and got to

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stand up for ENN his wedding. He's now married to Sarah has a

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son noble, and in between that he stayed with us during his

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clerkship. And as he was came to Michigan and live with us for

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four months, and he got to play and meet Emily and play soccer

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with her. And she calls him uncle Ian, and he's a big part

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of our lives. And Ian's are no will our family with us. And so

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the lessons learned about some discipline, when and, you know,

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getting me in, on the right track was passed on from, as I

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said, from grandparents, to parents to me, and I was able to

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apply many of those lessons of my upbringing and values to Ian.

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And it's really special to watch him grow his family. Now, I will

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tell you that. So mentorship is leadership. And being the mentor

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being the mentee, the world is, he's a lot more of that, I will

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actually tell you that. And so next I met Lisa, and we had a

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Hollywood romance and a Hollywood wedding and shutters

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at the beach. And I one of the toughest conversations I had was

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had to tell her that I was infertile. And I had gone

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through a major cancer experience. And that could have

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easily, you know, pushed her away. But it didn't. I think she

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she embraced that. And she loved me more for that. When I

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disclosed that to her while we were dating, and we got married,

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and my career is booming. And the work in that community is

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doing going great. And we moved up to San Francisco Bay Area,

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Silicon Valley, as I'm a tech entrepreneur. And a couple of

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things that I forgot about, that you so easily do when you get

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sucked into the vortex is that my work life balance, I was a

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workaholic and I wasn't making enough time for me and and

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enough time for Lisa was fitting in the community service. But

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it's really easy to get get into that and get into that breezy

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pace. You know, I always say Silicon Valley two plus two

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equals 200 In the late 90s. And it was a fast pace. Every look

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left everyone's sprinting look right everyone sprinting. It

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doesn't make it right, but was sprinting. And I was able to be

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part of some public offerings and some, some good things in

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technology. And it was great. And I came home one night, and

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late, at least gave me an article that families that eat

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together and spend time together are more successful, at least

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and I work got married a little later in life. And we're, I

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think together probably seven years. And she said maybe it's

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time we we call for that sperm that donated back before I did

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any chemotherapy. And I want to definitely just divert to that

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for a second. So when I'm 23 years old, and you're told that

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you have stage four

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T cell non Hodgkins lymphoma, blood of your cancer of your

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whole lymphatic system, haven't haven't chosen wasn't on the

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mind. It was really in the front lines of am I going to live or

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die. And so I go through a lot of tests. And I come in for my

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first chemotherapy treatment. And in an amazing way. My liver

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function tests was too high. It was unsafe for me to do chemo. I

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was kind of knocked down from that because it was didn't sleep

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at all that night. I had no idea and if my liver function was

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good, I would have done chemotherapy but instead it

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wasn't. So either. Or quick thinking by Dr. Eric Rubin at

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Dana Farber Cancer Institute, my Harvard fellow or training or

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good doctoring or whatever you want to call it, God talking to

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all my who knows He told me to go to the cryogenic centre and I

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said cryo what is a sperm bank? And he said, You're not going to

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do chemo today. What do you got to lose? It might actually feel

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good, right? But um, so I went and I actually delivered a sperm

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sample. And I kind of forgot about it because I was fighting

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for my life. And you get a bill once a year, and you pay it. And

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so Lisa, and I called for that, that sperm. By the way, thank

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you, Dr. Rubin. Thank God, my God, you gave us a family. I'm

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more grateful and lucky for your wisdom. So we call for the

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sperm. And this is, you know, 1989. So we're now in 2000. It's

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11 years later. So we go to the fertility physicians in Northern

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California. And we meet and they take us through the process.

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It's an expensive process, it still might be today. And we had

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the sperm flown out to San Jose, California. Lisa, in the

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meantime, grew eight eggs. And the harvest when they took the

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eggs out of her, they looked and kept the best for and they

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defrosted sperm. This is a medical miracle number two here

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for me. And they took injected the best swimmer in those four

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eggs and then actually implanted them back and Lisa, and for the

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time being, we thought we're actually going to have twins,

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but it's truly amazing. On August 20 of 2001. At Stanford

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University Hospital,

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Emily Lauren Brown was born and made us parents made me a dad

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made Lisa a mom.

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Try not to tear up. Because that was an incredible, incredible

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day. She stayed in the NICU for a few days, and that was the

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healthiest baby there and got moved to a floor. My in laws

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bobbin Anita Naphtali happened to be there. And we're in the

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live birth. And we took Emily home was a dad. Think about

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that. It just could have been dead. And because of frozen

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sperm medical technology, I was able to become a dad. It was

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incredible. It was humbling. It was amazing. It was God blessed

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all of the above. So we took home Emily, and I was home for

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dinner a lot more. I kind of got off the bus of Silicon Valley,

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the pendulum swung the other way from the.com to the.com. And I

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started working at a nonprofit that I helped found and move

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forward called Planet jewish.com. which no longer in

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business, but it allowed me to be home for dinner and control

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my own schedule. Thanks Steve Kaufman, for that my partner in

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able to move that from an idea to reality to help help list

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Jewish events and get more people to involved in the Jewish

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communities that we brought it out and I think 30 communities

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the lesson for 17 years. So becoming a dad and Lisa was a

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stay at home mom. We got to do so much together by going to the

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park together and singing songs and watching Emily grow up and

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start to go to nursery schools and we move the whole band back

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to Michigan. And my sister called me said I'm moving to

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Michigan with her family and she had three children. She had

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Marley who's was age six, and Luke and Danny twins girl boy

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twins, that were age four. And at that time, Beth and Larry had

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my sister in law and that's half sister, Lisa's half sister Beth

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had two boys, Ben at age four exact age six. And they got to

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grow up together my in laws, Bob and Anita lived here in

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Michigan. My parents were in Boston that were closer, my mom

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was able to come out a lot more frequently and see the

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grandchildren. And it was amazing. And again, we're doing

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these trips to Ogunquit mostly around every July 4 every year.

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And the kids grew up together. And they went to lots of

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different events and got to see each other a lot and I thought

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that was really important. The old adage from Family First that

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that Papa Leo and my mom always said we are able to do that and

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and grow up together. And it was really, really a joy. And so we

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watched Emily go to school and then around age he started to

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get into soccer. And so being that my dad Add was at all my

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basketball games. I wasn't going to Miss Emily soccer games and

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was cheering her from the sidelines as she evolved and she

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got really good. And she started doing travel soccer. And if

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anyone doesn't know what travel soccer is on a national level,

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every weekend, from the start of soccer season in August, to the

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end of soccer season, if you're playing at the national level in

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July, it's all year round. And you're staying at a Holiday Inn

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Express, eating the same pancake batter and getting a juice and

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you're travelling with the other team parents, so you get to know

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them quite well. But Emily was all in on soccer. And she was a

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five foot four goalie she was really fearless and really good

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and training is four times a week, goalie training is another

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two times a week and then goalies play games and they

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rotate goalies a call it go need a goalie and you're playing

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games all the time. And so that dominated about 10 years of our

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life. And there was a recruiting process and all that. And I

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actually was the team manager for I can't remember two

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different instances for I think two or three years each. So

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that's the club, the soccer club liaison to the parents and to

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the players. So I got to do that. Unfortunately, at age 50,

Howard Brown:

in 2016, I had a colonoscopy. This is my timeout period during

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the podcast to say, Go get screened for your mammography,

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your prostate, your colonoscopy or at at home test your cardio

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for your stress tests, go to the dentist, everyone's skip their

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appointments during COVID Go get screened. It is so much better

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than getting diagnosed with cancer or any other disease and

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going through chemo and surgeries and side effects and

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No, no reason to do that. Go keep your health up. Go Go get

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screened, please. So at age 50, I got diagnosed after

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colonoscopy a stage three with an eight and a half centimetre

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tumour in my cecum colon resection surgeries, chemo port,

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full chemotherapy cycles, more surgery, failed clinical trial

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metastatic stage four in July of 17. And again, lightning struck

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again. cancer stage four cancer for a second time. This time I'm

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you know a husband, a dad. And it's the digital age. So I'm

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looking for digital resources of support. But when you go

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metastatic and it spreads to your liver or your your stomach

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linings call your peritoneum and omentum and your bowel, your

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prognosis is in very good. You can Dr google it, it's 4% chance

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to live in like six to 12 months. And things were dark.

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And all I could think of was Am I gonna see Emily graduate high

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school, she was a freshman at the time. And I did not know. I

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had no idea. And in the stage for cancer world, we live with

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death. It's not that people give up it's their cancer burden

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comes to great and God calls them to have an only God knows

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your number. And I was still trying to be active, you know,

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in Emily's life. But there were times where I was bedridden. I

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was sick, I'm raging on steroids, puking my guts out

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going to the bathroom a lot. And there was there was lots of

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stuff that she watched her dad, you know, suffer, be in pain,

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and not be able to, you know, perform like I wanted to not

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working on disability. And she had to witness all that at a

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young age. And people would always ask her, you know how

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among Dillon, and it didn't ask her how she was doing. I feel

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bad about that. But we were on the firing lines. Again, Lisa

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stepped in as my caregiver and Superwoman and had to do

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everything, including arrays, Emily, and I participated where

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I could, especially on the soccer side, trying to get to as

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many games as I could. And as the team manager, I had other

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team dads Ross Leonard and others drag me and Dr. Emily to

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games that were all over the place. And you try to do the

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best you can and just get out of bed each day and get through the

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treatments get through the side effects. And this time I was a

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Marine on a mission. And I wanted to see Emily graduate you

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had to put that goal out there. And I did and although I allowed

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myself some time to be depressed, be angry. I never

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lost the four letter word that you need to take with you called

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Hope. Hope was that fuel that allowed me to keep going. And so

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via miracle number three I did a surgery called cytoreduction

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high pack, hyper intrapreneurial chemotherapy, so they cut me

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open, and they poured hot chemotherapy me in March of 18

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and 30. and a half hours later, I woke up in the ICU and pressed

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the morphine drip button and then began the healing process

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to see if they got all the cancer and that he did chemo had

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got the actual cancer, they couldn't see the microscopic

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cancer. And I am here to tell you today I'm almost four years

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no evidence of disease, getting towards the fifth year and

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hopefully remission. And I got to see MIT graduate high school,

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one of the proudest days of my life didn't even wasn't

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guaranteed, life's not guaranteed. And then I got to

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see her graduate college this December, she graduated summa

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cum laude from the University of Michigan. She started her career

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as a reporter in Montana. And it's just been an amazing,

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amazing thing. You have to play the cards that you're dealt, and

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I'm building Humpty Dumpty version two Oh, again, and got

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to see our little girl grow up. She climbs mountains, she snow

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shoes, she ice climbs, and she's so good on camera. We watch her

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on on the app every night. She's on air, but she's a good person.

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She knows her values. She's also a tough kid. So watch her dad go

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through this and have such a loving and smart mom to give her

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a little softer side of things.

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So boy I know I've given you the speed version here but I think

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it's important to pay tribute to the dads out there. Be a good

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dad be the best dad you can be. It's okay to be not perfect. You

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know, I don't know that dad joke talking guy. But, boy. I'm a

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hugger. And hugs me and everything. And I wish I could

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hug you right now. I'm really miss you. But I am grateful.

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lucky and blessed to be a dad. Thanks for listening. You can

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find me at shining brightly.com and go have a great Father's

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Day. And as we say in the cancer world, keep effing going kfg

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love your Emily from mom and I you are our world. Happy

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Father's Day 2023 to everybody. Thanks for for watching and

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