This episode is part of the Happiness Reset at Work campaign, where Klaudia introduces you to 5 drivers that contribute to building more satisfaction in our careers so that you can reconnect and re-energise with your work in 2025. 

The 1st driver of happiness at work is: Autonomy.

Building influence at work is essential for gaining autonomy and making meaningful contributions in our careers. Klaudia speaks with executive coach Sarah Langslow, who emphasizes the importance of relationships grounded in trust and mutual respect as the foundation for influence. Additionally, Sarah shares strategies for navigating challenging relationships, particularly with managers, to transform them into supportive partnerships that can enhance visibility and influence within the workplace.

Hello, happiness seekers. Welcome. My name is Klaudia and you are listening to the Happiness Challenge.

This episode is a part of the Happiness Reset at Work campaign where I introduce you to five drivers that contribute to happiness and satisfaction in our careers.

So across January, I release three short episodes in which I bring you the science behind each driver with some set of reflective questions to reflect on, some hands of ideas to implement in your working life, and a piece of expert advice.

So that's why today I'm so excited to be here with Sarah Langslow, who will share her experience of building more influence at work to increase our autonomy. Welcome, Sarah.

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Sarah. First of all, give us a quick intro of who you are and what you do.

Cool. So I'm Sarah Langslow. I'm an executive coach and a leadership development specialist.

And I bring lots of lessons from a past sporting career and quite a long corporate career into my coaching and my speaking work.

And this year, I also published my first book, Do Sweat the Small Stuff, which is about how we harness the micro interactions we have every day to transform our leadership.

Oh, I love that. And I love the title of the book, Sarah. Like, I'm instantly. Oh, okay. Do Sweat the Small Stuff. Okay, good to know, good to remember.

So, Sarah, this idea of autonomy, which really is this ideal environment in which we have the freedom to concentrate at work at what matters to us and also be able to make decisions about the working environment, about the project, the things that really matter, the things that really matters to us, and the things that can really have an impact in our work. So at times there might be certain constrictions around that.

At times we may think, oh, there is actually little control and what's being delegated to us. So how can we actually build more influence at work to really be able to get that autonomy from the stakeholders that matter?

It's a great question, and you're right, because so much of what we don't have direct control over. For me, the key to influence is relationships.

The more we can build relationships and build relationships that are based on trust and on mutual understanding and on mutual respect. That's actually how we can build influence. I think it's almost worth breaking down. What does it mean to influence somebody?

Thinking about it, if you want to influence someone, you're looking for them, firstly, to listen to you.

Secondly, I think to take what you say seriously, value and respect what you say, and therefore creating that space where they someone is actually willing to listen and willing to take seriously what you say.

That comes from the way they hold you as a person, the way they respect you as a person, the way they value you and value your opinion and your thoughts. And that's what ultimately may lead them to take a different action or a new action that they may not otherwise have done without your influence.

So, yeah, relationships for me are absolutely core to influence.

Yes. And sometimes they come quite naturally. I think in certain working relationships we think, okay, great.

And sometimes I feel from my experience, oh, godness, miss is like pulling teeth. Can we just get into this dance of how we can work best together?

And you said that there like this idea that people listen to us, that people have this perspective, okay, I'm going to take on board what this person says and therefore maybe change the decisions and maybe change the impact or the flow of the work. So how do we achieve that? If we come, let's say, brand new to the table and we want to achieve that level of influence, where do we start?

So this is relationships 101. So you're. And look to address your first point, actually, because I think that is an important one.

Having an effective relationship with someone doesn't always mean liking them, and it doesn't always mean that you have the same style of working or, or the same approach or the same way you go about things in the world. An effective working relationship is just that.

It's that you're able to work together even with those differences, sometimes to harness those differences. Because actually that difference in diversity can be what makes things work.

So I think when we're thinking about relationships, acknowledging that is a great place to start.

So we're trying to understand the other person, understand what they're looking for, what they want, what motivates them, understand perhaps how they like to communicate, how they like to work. And through that we can adjust and adapt how we interact with them.

It's something I do talk about in my book, which is relationships are built from lots and lots of tiny moments of interaction. And so we can almost break it down and think about those one at a time or a few at a time.

For example, going into a conversation with somebody, what do I want to achieve from that conversation? What do they want to achieve? What do I want them to listen to from me? And therefore, what do I need to make sure I listen to from them?

Because I think that piece of expecting others to listen to us, if we want others to listen to us, we also have to be willing to listen to them, to be willing to be influenced by them, because that is part of what builds that Mutual respect and trust, it's never one way. Relationships aren't that are one sided, don't work.

So thinking about each interaction being to be listened, to listen and to be influenced and through that building that trust and respect such that when it comes to the point that you want to influence somebody else, you have that basis there to start to be able to do that.

So true about those building blocks, isn't it? Because it's almost like we depositing things into an account and we depositing those moments of influence of relationships.

So when we need to withdraw some stuff, it's possible. And I do find it sometimes that people ask, it's so huge and you're like, oh, but we haven't built this bridge.

You haven't deposited that much into this account to ask me so much of me.

So it is quite interestingly that sometimes we forget that yes, we have to work on relationships for them to then give us those outcomes and influence so great actions there of how I can build it every day. What about relationships that maybe break down for whatever reason, how can we repair them to bring back that influence again?

It's a great question. I think where I would start with that is firstly that piece again that relationships are two sided.

So if a relationship has broken down, if I'm able to start from what can I be responsible for in that? How might I have contributed to that?

And this isn't about blame or trying to figure out whose fault it was because I don't actually think that's terribly helpful. But it is acknowledging that I probably contributed. There is probably something I did, albeit unintentionally, that may have contributed to that.

And one of the most powerful ways to repair is to own our part.

First to be willing to say sorry, first to be willing to acknowledge that we had an impact that we didn't intend because our intentions are usually good. There are not that many people in the world who go out there with bad intentions.

You go out there trying to damage relationships, but we mess up, sometimes we make mistakes and the sooner we can acknowledge that, own our part in it, it very often then prompts the other person to do the same and think about okay, I could have handled that better or I admit that I maybe flew off the handle a bit when that happened and I that was actually more about something else.

And it creates that space to rebuild trust and to scrub the surface clean if you like and not carry whatever it was that triggered the breakdown in the relationship forward. You can start rebuilding afresh.

Yes, again, as you said, so Important. That starts very much with that point of awareness. Final question, really for me is relationship with a manager.

Because I think many of listeners will be like, great, I could have potentially have the influence, but my manager is maybe a blocker or a gatekeeper almost of some relationships. Maybe I'm not visible because of my manager at that higher level. How do we shape that relationship that our manager ultimately becomes our sponsor?

Yes, that's a big question now. I think it's a lot of similar answers to what I've already given. It's very easy to make that relationship suddenly different.

Oh, well, this is a really important one. Or this is particularly significant. But actually the building blocks are the same. How do we also listen to our manager? How do we communicate clearly?

How do we articulate what we want? Sometimes the key in this is actually to be willing to ask, like, how many of us internally complain and wish we had something?

And I find it with my clients sometimes, have you asked for this? And not in a roundabout, sideways way that somebody has to dig through layers of stuff to figure out what you actually want, actually ask.

Sometimes it's about being willing to persist and say, maybe asking once is not enough. I need to build a case. I need to find ways. Finding different ways to ask or to persist at this over time. Sometimes it might be about.

And actually, again, this is true in any relationship. Finding our common ground. How is the thing that I want to achieve also in that other person's interests?

We might be coming at it from a different direction, but I was talking to a client recently about something where they want the CFO to do something, and he was talking about risk. And I said, is that the language she talks? She's interested in cost savings. So can you translate those risks into costs? Then she might listen.

Then you may have the influence that you want because it's how she looks at the world. So understanding, again, how do they communicate what matters to them, what's important to them? Yes.

We need to acknowledge that there is a power dynamic or a power differential when you're working with your manager. A lot of the fundamentals around relationship building remain exactly the same.

If we can do that there as well, we can still have influence, even though we may not have authority.

Love that. We can still have influence, even we don't have authority. Love this. That's definitely a tagline for this episode. Thank you so much, Sarah.

This is very insightful advice. Tell us a little bit. Where can listeners find you?

So the two places I tend to hang out, mainly on LinkedIn. The good thing about a surname of Langslow is that it's quite unique.

I'm quite easy to find, so if you hunt for me Sarah Langslow on LinkedIn you will find me. The other place I am is on substack with my substack which is called Small Stuff, Big Impact.

So if you want to see more of my writing and my ideas and my thoughts, then come and join the conversation over there. I've got one coming out, they come out every Friday.

So brilliant. So exciting. I'm definitely will be joining the substack. Just want to see more of specific advice thank you so much.

Thank you so much everyone for listening to the Happiness Reset at Work campaign. I really hope that this episode was useful and impacted for you.

If you are up for receiving a summary of the first driver of happiness, subscribe to my newsletter on LinkedIn and to find more. And I would love to see at the next episode 136 where I will be diving into the second driver of happiness fairness.

So thank you again so much for listening and as always I dare you to be happy. Bye.