Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

The conversation revolves around the topic of dating older or younger partners. The hosts discuss their personal experiences and opinions on why men and women tend to date older or younger. They explore the benefits and challenges of dating someone with a significant age difference, including differences in pop culture references, perspectives on life, and maturity levels. The hosts also touch on the importance of communication and shared experiences in relationships. Overall, the conversation provides insights into the dynamics of age-gap relationships.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

and welcome to another show of Don't Get This Wizard. I am Rob along with my co -host as always Tina. How you doing Tina?

trying to stay cool but I'm not doing a very good job because of this heat we're having but other than that I'm doing alright I actually have a tan I'm not see -through I got a tan so I'm good been in the pool quite a bit because this weather's been atrocious so good way to stay cool

Yes.

That's good. Bye.

It's been pretty nasty. I actually, I actually, I tan this morning because I can tan where, you know. Yeah, I tan at the gym, so I'm good like that. Yeah, it's not too bad. And I used to do it every other day, but I'm not doing it every other day now. So I'm just doing it twice a week, because I don't.

Nice.

At the gym? Yeah. That's good.

Robb (00:54.414)

You know, no reason to get crazy. Yeah, just, you know, during the, and then come winter time, I'm sure I'll keep going, because I look healthier.

doing maintenance.

Well, I always say that I look see -through by the time Christmas rolls around. My skin does not hold color. So I figured with my trip to Hawaii and being in the pool since June, I'm hoping that this will at least have some stay power. We'll see. Probably not. It probably won't because white is my skin's favorite color. So it's my default. And that sucks. you know, being a Garcia and

Right, right, right.

your default.

Hmm.

Being this light, it's definitely not fair. Yeah.

Yeah, no doubt, right? But we'll see. So we were talking before we got on here and we were throwing subjects around, because we always do that. And you kind of came up with a good one that I think is, it goes kind of both ways, probably less for men, but more for women is dating older. And then I was like, well, compared to dating younger, because I think a lot of men date younger for...

Mm -hmm.

you know, tons of different reasons. But I think it would be interesting to see what we think on both sides of that, because I think it's generally for reasons, right? You know. Let's start from, you know, what you think both sides and why. Like, why do, what do you think men do more often and what do you think women do more often? And for what reasons?

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I couldn't tell you what men or women do. I could tell you what I do though, because you know, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I was married to someone who was 12 years older than I was. And at the time, I think that it was good for me because I wasn't meeting anybody that was my age, that was mature enough to me, handle me probably at that time, you know, cause I wasn't as,

easygoing. definitely had my own opinions the way things needed to work and I was probably a little bit harder to, you know, kind of persuade to be any different. But having a husband that was 12 years older, I realized that I grew up with him. Like, he basically formed me into an adult. know, being 12 years older, I met him when I was 29.

So he was 40, 29, 31, 41. So he was 41. And you know, when you're over 10 years older than your partner, you definitely come from a different space. pop culture is completely different because you could only reference your time as opposed to them who has, you know, he had 12 years on me. So music was different. Cartoons he watched were different. Things that they did.

Mm

As a family was different, everything about he and I were different because he's from the East Coast and I was from the West Coast. But I found that by dating and marrying older, it did help give me insight that I wouldn't have had otherwise. When I was 30, he's like, well, in your 30s, this is going to happen. And he was right. And then, you know, by the time I got to 40s, he was 52.

And he said, well, in your 40s, this is going to happen. So he actually gave me a lot of insight that had I married somebody that was my own age, we wouldn't have known what we were going through. So I enjoyed that. I also enjoyed that he had a different perspective on life than I did because of the age difference. But I didn't like feeling like his kid.

And I can honestly tell you that that was a rough one for me. Cause I, when he would try to tell me things, I'd, I'm not going to do that shit. And you can't make me like you're, you're not my dad, you know? And, and I noticed that he's even said things as of late to me and we're, we've been divorced a couple of years now and he said things as of late. And I was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, you don't get to tell me that anymore. Not that I ever let him because

I always fought back and held my own but yeah I noticed that he still wants to kind of dad me or it feels like he's he's giving me the dad mode so there's there's both sides to that

Right.

Yeah, I mean, I've done my ex wife was five years older than me and even that because of music. So, you know, I was an 80s baby where like I really got into music. So five years earlier, she was listening to things, you know, much different than me. But all in all, I think we are very close, but, you know,

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Women are just more mature anyway, if we're going to be perfectly honest. think that's why men like younger women, or older men like younger women, because we're just not... We just never grow up. And I think that that can be bigger issues later on with older women who kind of have their shit together. They get with somebody who's kind of like still...

Mm.

still wants to be a kid or still wants to be maybe not a kid but definitely wants to be just young, like wants to feel young. And I think when they get with younger women, they feel that way. I, I,

And it's not that I'm not attracted to the women my age. It wouldn't matter. I would probably generally date younger if I was going to, but not a lot younger. Like I did that one in my 40s and that was a fucking disaster. Like it was horrible. I mean, there was good parts about it, but that was not enough.

You

Why was it horrible?

The age gap, I was 45 and she was 24. So like nothing in common, zero. Like, you know, my stepdaughters were her age. So there was just nothing there. She was fun and obviously the sexual part was fun, but that was such a small part of that.

Mmm.

wow.

I need somebody I can talk with. That's why the people that I would date now, I need to be able to communicate with you. That is a very important part for me. So I couldn't see, I probably wouldn't date any younger than probably 47 and I'm 53. I just think you start getting into, there's just a gap.

Mm

Okay.

So like six years is I think the biggest gap I would do now. I mean, even the person I like is 49, 48. She's gonna turn four, anyway. So like four years difference. And I think that's a good, you and there's even jokes with that, but they don't mean anything now. Like I was saying something like, yeah, I remember that. You were in junior high then.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Mm -hmm.

You know, but those things don't matter now, but it is kind of humorous to where like, yeah, I was doing this already and you were, and you were young.

Yeah.

But I but I think that's why men do it and I think women date older because Generally, if you are a little bit older you may be a little more mature or you have your shit together and you know, they're not worried about The rent not being paid because your jobs shit or you know, you know younger dudes generally fuck off and They you know again could be a good time, but they don't have their shit together most older men

Mm -hmm. Yeah. for sure. I dated... I'm sorry. You think that's why?

and have their shit together. And I think that's why. Let go.

That's why what?

You said, I think that's why.

I just think that that's that's why like men date younger because if they have their shit together, they're not really worried about, you know, they're they're either taking care of some young young girl like I'm talking about like a 20 year age gap.

Mm -hmm.

They're along for the ride and they want arm candy and they want, it all matters where they're at in life, guess. Look, some older, my dad's wife is 20 years younger than him, but she was an old soul. He was 40 something and she was 20 something and he's 80 now and they're still together. So there's something to be said to that, but.

Wow.

Those are, I think, one -offs. You generally don't get that kind of thing.

Mm -hmm.

The closer in age, I think you're just more likely to stay together because you have things in common. Your morality is generally the same. If you get to that point, if you get to like wanting to be a boyfriend and girlfriend, you know who they are. You're looking like we're the same. You have children, I have children. There's a lot of things that are connectable. There's connected tissue there.

Mm -hmm.

20 years difference is generally very hard.

I'd agree. I dated a guy when I first became separated and moved away because of COVID. There was not places you could go to meet people or do anything. And I was terribly lonely at the time, I have to admit. And so I got on social media and got on a dating site. We've talked about that. And I met a guy who was...

30 and I was, I don't know, 49? 49.

He, he pestered me a little bit to go out with him. He was very interested in me. I was very cautious because of our age difference and, and had cousins that I helped raise that were his age. And, you know, it was kind of a funny thing and he wasn't much older than my daughter at the time. So I had a hard time with that at first, you know, but he's like, just give me a chance. Let me, let me take you on a date. And I was like,

Mm

Do you even know what a date actually is? Because your age group does these completely different. He goes, I got this figured out. I got you. So he came and picked me up and he took me out and we went to this place for dinner and it happened to be like a, I don't know, like, excuse me, like a graduation.

or something. And so we went out and where he wanted to take me, it was full. There was too many people. And I ended up, you we were looking for places around because he bought tickets for a movie and everything. He had all this planned out. But we ended up at an IHOP and we ate pancakes before we went to visit him.

and or before we went to the movies I should say and

We ate pancakes, we went to the movies, we saw a scary movie, which is totally not my thing, but we did it.

Mm

Sorry about that. We had a great time. And because of that, because he had it all planned out.

I dated him for a while, like we dated quite a bit for a while. And during that, we had a great time. We found stuff to joke about. I taught him things that I knew, like we were talking about the space shuttle blowing up. I was like in the seventh grade and of course he wasn't born, so, and he was a teacher. So he was more mature and he was more reliable and dependable and.

Tina, we lost you. I don't know. It's okay. Keep going.

I don't know what the hell happened, but I'm so sorry. We were talking about the 30 year old. But anyway, we had, he was very smart because he found things to talk to me about to bridge the gap and we had a good time. But I realized that I couldn't be something that he wanted. He wanted to have more kids. That was off the table for me. I didn't want to go meet his mom. I think I was like two years.

younger than she was, I didn't want to go meet her. That was something that like he wanted me to. But after that, I was like, you know, I'm thinking we're on two different playing fields and I need to cut you loose so that you can have your family and you can have more kids and you could do what you want to do. And we we ended up just like we stopped talking and we kept in contact through social media for a bit. And now

Right.

You know, he's got his whole life going on. whatever he's doing, I wish him the best. yeah, I don't think that it... I found that it just wasn't gonna work. I didn't think it was going to anyway. And at the time I was like, I'm just getting divorced. I'm not wanting to do this with somebody. Like start up again and move in and do that. But I had...

in dating, I had a really good time with him. I was impressed. But again, I think his brain helped with that a lot, being mature because of what he did for a living and being as smart as he was, that was, that's always a turn on for me. So.

Yeah. So, I mean, obviously I think going forward, you find yourself at least in our age bracket. That's where you find yourself going or older.

not older because I'm afraid of somebody dying before me now. There's, there's that.

I mean, I mean older, I mean older by like two years, three years. I don't mean like, I don't mean like 15 years.

Yeah, I would do that. If they're in their 50s, I would still date them, of course. I would even say 40s. But they gotta be mature.

Yeah, think that there's, look, could you meet somebody younger that is on your same wavelength? I mean, like I said, when I mean younger, I don't mean five years younger. I mean like 43, 10 years younger. Could you, sure.

But again, I think you start running into the problems like you said, like I've met my friend down the street's mom, which was much easier at 50 when her daughter is 48. You know what I mean? Like 49, we're very close in age and I think...

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

that is considered in the same age bracket to people that are older than us for sure.

Yeah, so like for me, I find it that it was, know, I had no problem. Like I love meeting people like that. So I found it easy. But, you know, I think it would be hard for me if I had to meet somebody's parents and they were 43, because then you have to do the math that let's say at tops dad and mom are 65. So you, you know, I...

Yeah. I still think that would be okay. Because I know my ex was 12 years older than me. And then...

Let me think about this. He was like 10 years younger than my father. No. Yeah, something like that. But they got along great. I mean, they were friends before I got together with my ex, so they already had an established relationship. the age gap did not bother my dad or nor my mom. As a matter of fact, my mom was happy that I was into.

Right.

Yeah, like

him instead of some of my other choices because she didn't really care for them. But she wasn't alive for the 30 year old. That would have been horrible. She would have killed me. She would have killed me.

Right.

I just find it to be, again, and again I think older, I mean would I go older? Sure, but probably not much more than where I'm at. know, just, did five years was okay, and I would, but I would probably stay our age or four years, five years younger tops.

Mm -hmm.

only because I think that that's a good, and then I can still say I'm with a younger woman, which is all kind of nice. But again, things that really aren't important. To me now, age is sort of relative. I need someone on the same wavelength as me. So I think dating younger or older is sort of irrelevant within a certain amount of years.

Mm -hmm.

Like, I don't want to go 10 years younger and I don't want to go 10 years older. I just...

I definitely agree with that.

I don't want to go 10 years older. I very much fear outliving the next person I choose to be with. That's definitely some, and not that there's any guarantees. I could have been with a 30 year old and he could have, you know, something could happen to him before it happened to me. So I think we've got to be cautious in, in, you know, what, what is good or what is not good for us because we really don't know what's going to happen next anyway.

But the next person I know will have to be in a place where we can go traveling. We can do trivia together. We can have similar conversations where, you know, he kind of knows where I'm at with things. But again, I also dated somebody that wasn't from this country. You talk about totally separate lives and different things and trivia is different. Everything about

Everything about their their surroundings and how they were raised was differently. I could even say that about my ex who was raised on the East coast. I mean, I'm, I'm a valley girl. There's I'm, I'm like the 11th or 12th generation born and raised here in California. So I'm very California. I don't have any, you know, real experience outside of that. I've never lived more than four miles from where I was born.

Mm.

You know, that's that in itself like, you know, people may or not want to date me because I don't have those type of of life skills, you know, moving a distance, making new friends like my my whole life is kind of wired for perfection the way it is here. And if I move, I'd have to start all that over again. So I think at any age, if I did that, that would be kind of hard. But for other people.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

it would make me feel or seem mature.

Yeah, I mean, my friend down the street has lived within, I think, 10 or 15 miles of where she grew up. So it's good on one side and, you know, I'm sure some people would think, you know, that could be bad. For me, it's awesome because if I ever need to know anything of where I live, I just ask her and it's awesome because she always has an answer.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

all of my friends and my clients and everybody that knows that if they need a referral for air conditioning or if they need a ride somewhere and they don't know how to get there, I'm the one that they call. They do really lean on me for that sort of thing. But it's only for here. I can't say, you should do this when you go to Hawaii. I have no freaking clue.

Mm -hmm, yeah, I think that those are the thing, again, those are the real things you look for. And I think you're right. think, look, age is dating for what age is a big deal as you get older, right?

Mm -hmm.

If because now I want to date for a forever person right I'm in an age where it's like look I don't want to date for shits and giggles that I have no desire to do that for me and that's you know to each their own I don't want to do that. I'm not built like that. I think that's the other thing I I like to be in a relationship when I'm in one I just I find myself and I hate to use the word safe, but

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

there is something safe to that. I like to know that I'm working towards something, and the person that I'm with feels like they're in a safe place and I got them or whatever. But I wanna think about your right life. Assuming I die on the average, which is 77 years old for a man.

That's the average. So I only got, yeah, and again, it's relative. you know, it's, they're using the bell curve. Most, the average man dies at 77 years old, which is, and that's probably changing as healthcare gets better, but that I'm using probably something that was from a while ago. So I'm 53, so I only have 20 something years left.

Really?

Okay.

I want to find someone who I can spend 25 years with and I don't want to fuck around like, you know, going out on, you know, one and done's or I don't want to be with somebody that I don't want to see every day. So, you know, I want somebody that I want to come home to and is that.

Mmm.

place of solace, where peace, and I hate to say that's such a, it's thrown around these days, but I want peace in my life. I want to be able to come home and, you know, look, chaos is real. Everyone has chaos. You make your peace, whatever that is. You can have peace within chaos. It just has to be someone that has your back. I want someone that's gonna go, look, I got you no matter what, because,

Mm -hmm.

Every day is not going to be 50 -50. It's going to be 80 -20. Like sometimes your girl's going to come home and she's going to have a shitty day and you're going to have to make up that whatever percentage is to make sure she's good for the night and vice versa. So the age gap means something on how long I have left on this planet.

So I don't want to be, I also don't want to have some young girl who's gonna, you know, wash me out, you know, in 10 years because I'm old now.

Thank

So that's no good. And I also don't want someone who's like 10 years older than me that, you're right, I'm gonna outlive. So when you're within that five year gap on either side, you're probably doing all right with both of you having the longevity of a decent relationship. And I think that, again, you're morally probably the same.

Mm -hmm. For sure.

You know, or you know if you get that far your morals are the same your you know a lot of the same music, you know a lot of the same movies you've Like the other day we were talking about music and I was over her place. We're playing music in the back in her in her backyard and and slick rick came on and I was like, man I love slick rick and she's like, you know slick rick because you know, obviously I had long hair I was in a medal and I was like darlin

You

You know remember like I was in high school and they were playing this on the quad you were in grade school and you probably didn't know what it was you didn't know what it was until you got a little older and But she grew up, you know in the Inland Empire so she knew she went to parties with like snoop and and Nwa and all those guys that were out here that lived in this part of it So she she's like, you know, I went to parties with them. was like I get it But like I listened to this music too. So, you know just because I had long hair and listen

Mm -hmm.

and the metal doesn't mean I was like, I remember hearing straight out of Compton in 10th grade on a cassette tape on a Walkman in the bungalows at Kennedy High School. like, you know, for me, it's so we throw jabs like that around at each other because it is kind of humorous that we are very close in age, but she look, I didn't live, she, I hate to say that she lived a wild lifestyle because I don't think that that's.

Yes.

Hmm.

true per se, but she did do, she ran in circles that I didn't because I lived in the valley and I was a good suburban kid. But it is funny that when you start thinking of things like that, when you date someone, that you have to think about.

Yes, we do know the same things and we grew up in the same time period and if I say hey, do you remember this? I want her to go. yeah, I do remember that You know, I was in junior high when I came out but I do remember that at least you're in that same bracket and to me that's important because again trivia pop culture hanging out with other couples you're going to stay within that same kind of talking points or Like let's say you go to a company party

Mm -hmm.

If I go to a company party and I'm with her, I want to be able to talk the same thing with the people around me. And generally, if you're in the same, your coworkers are in the same age and a lot of certain things. So to me, that is important. So to me, age does mean something, at least at this age. Now, if I was 30,

things are totally different. As a 30 year old man, you're probably gonna date younger or older because you can get away with both and the same as young.

Yeah, I find that that's who's really interested in me or the 30 plus crowd like the 30 like the 35 to 42 seems to be like and I'll tell them like I'm out of your eight or you're out of my age range and they're like no give me a chance like I want somebody older younger women are a pain in the ass. I hear that a lot like really why are they a pain in the ass? Well

their expectations are messed up, the way that they think about men is messed up. You know, they got a lot of things to say. So my concern is what are we doing to these women that we're creating and making them undesirable to men their own age? Like that kind of concerns me too.

Yeah, and look, I think that men in that age bracket look at older women for one. Older women are different than when we were younger. Forty -five year old women aren't the same kind of girls that were forty -five, at least when I thought they were when I was twenty something.

Yeah, we didn't think we wanted to older people at that age. Like that wasn't something that even crossed our mind really.

No.

No, no. So yeah, when I was 30, I wanted to date someone who was 20, because I wanted some young girl. But the flip side, yes, is my friend down the street, the same thing. has lots of younger guys and she's like, she's flattered, but she also has a 30 year old daughter and she's like, I can't do that. It's just, I also think that she's also in a different head space too. She wants somebody who's a little more mature.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

who has their shit together, who's not gonna leave her hanging, you know, when the rent comes due, because she's been in that situation where, you know, and I believe the last guy she dated was younger than her, but.

Yeah.

I wouldn't put up with that shit if you don't have rent when you're supposed to. you can't do your part, then it doesn't matter what age you are. We're not gonna have a good time.

Yeah, mean, look, and I think that's both sides though. think, look, a real man, and I hate to say that like, you're supposed to be the provider. Like we live in a different era and we live in California. look, does everything have to be itemized 50 -50? No, I think that that's, if you live in that world, you're also really hurting yourself.

Mm -hmm.

No.

And that's not love. That's keeping checks and balances, but there's nothing about love in that.

No, no, no, no. Yeah.

Yes, relationships shouldn't be, you know, itemized. I don't, if I do something for you, I don't want you to go, I'll send you money. No, I'm doing it because I give a shit and I care about you. Like everything doesn't have to be transactional. Please stop. And I've had to say that to somebody. Like my relationship with you is not transactional. Please stop. And look, some people come from that and they can't help it.

Mm -hmm.

And that's both sides. That's men as well, that everything is transactional. And look, and you should be responsible for something. If I say I'm paying the mortgage and you say you're taking care of everything else, and the mortgage is way more, I know what I'm getting myself into.

Right?

And we've made a decision on that. And I'm good with that because maybe she's doing all the cooking because that's what she does. And I'm going to go, OK, cool. That's way it is. Now, I'm kind of a weirdo. I'm I guarantee I'm going to give her money for food. I'm going to give her money for, know, just just because that's who I am because I want to make sure everyone is taken care of. But, you know, I think a lot of.

Older women who go with younger men are with them for whatever it is status They want a younger man because he's probably sexually better because Although I hear that's probably not as true at you know, my friend she works at a clinic She says that that men in their 20s and 30s have ed now Yeah, commonly like very commonly so

What the hell?

She thinks it's a lot of things. Hormones in the food are probably fucking you up. There's a lot of things that are probably messing people up. But generally, I think that that's probably what it is. And for men as well, right? They want some younger girl that can make them feel younger. Those are the two dichotomies that I see with either dating younger or older.

Look, we're going on our experience. I've done both. I will tell you right now, without a doubt, I would never ever date younger ever again. I. Yeah, I I've had my I had my share of that.

Mm -hmm and I would You know You know what I notice in in men that are my age right now is They've been so abused by women That they're not trusting. They're not trusting at all. They're waiting for the shoot a job. They're they're like I can't because of this or that, know, they're not wanting to they're not wanting to take that that

next step or try again. And I noticed that I've been accused of being things because of other women's

beaten other women beating them up basically. And I was like, well, well, wait a minute. I don't want to be like that. I'm not like that. I don't want to talk to you like that. I don't want to be like that with you. And I won't be until you. If you want to fight like that and we're going to go like that, I can do that. But that's not where I'm coming from. But I realize that that there are so many men that don't believe that that women don't have to be like that or that they're not all like that.

Mm

And I'm finding that guys my age just aren't there anymore. Where the guys that are in their 40s, they're still like, yeah, I want, know, if you keep up, if you want to go travel, if you want to go do things, if you like sports, if you want to have barbecues and hang out, yeah, I'll give it a shot. But our age is doing something different.

To be fair, I think it's both sides though. I think men, yeah. I think, and again, I watch a lot of these crazy YouTube videos of like women totally shitting on men no matter what. I think men are also, look, we've been damaged, both sides have been damaged. I think women also are having the same problem of like, do I wanna get into a relationship again because I've been beaten down or beaten up or mentally abused?

You think so?

People are people. That's the one thing you have to throw out. I also think that both sides, all I see on these videos is where are all the good men at? Where are all the good men at? Where are all the good men at? Well, they're right in front of you, you're just not giving them a chance.

Mm -hmm.

Mmm.

So you want to know what my answer is to that? Good men come from good women. If you treat your man well and you hold him accountable to a certain level of responsibility and maturity, and he's ready to, he wants to try with you, he will. I believe that we have put out there, we as women, have put out there that men are so fucked up that they can't possibly be good.

right or decent or whole or to you know, or masculine like And and I think to myself I'm like no bitch they can be they can be but it's like Even my dad used to tell me that in high school if you hold your boyfriend to a certain level He's either gonna do it or you're gonna get rid of him, but he's gonna learn We we as women need to not bully a man into submission

Correct.

We need to find a way to show them that this is the expectation and this is what we enjoy and this is what we're going to this is what we're going to acknowledge and and love on and nurture so that he becomes the type of guy that he's supposed to be. But the other point to that is if we're not the women we need to be what are they going to do with that? Nothing. We have to rise to the occasion as well.

Right, but like I'm saying, think that, all I see on these things is where are the good men at, you know, or, you know, I want a man who will open up to me and be blah, blah. But the first time that a man opens up to somebody, most women think, okay, he's weak.

Mm -hmm.

Or and it's like, OK, do you want an emotional guy or not? Well, they say they do, but they don't. Or they say they want a good guy, but they always go for bad boys. It's like, OK, and then they get they keep getting hurt by these bad boys and then they go, well, where are all the good men at? Well, you passed him up on the way to the shithead. So if you if you keep, know, I mean, if you keep getting the snakes, stop getting the snakes and pick up the kitty.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Sometimes you have to, sometimes you have to try with the guy that you're, that you think is not real. I think that's, you know, some people don't think, he's, he's showing me this, but he's not real and he's going to do this, but he's not real. And he's going to be, end up being a Dick or, and look, there's narcissistic assholes out here. I've the last story I heard from my friend is out of control. The shit that this guy said. And then

But why would you put up with that? If you know that that is shit, then package it up and throw it in the garbage.

Yeah, but I think a lot of people get in deep. Like, I'll give you an example. You can...

Nah, there's no getting in deep. You could walk away from anything. If it's not serving you and it's not making you happy, if you're spending more bad days than you're spending good, cut the fucking tie.

I totally agree, but I think, look, people get in deep, you end up, and again, there's a lot of other things. can like find, people get financially hooked where they can't get rid of people. But I know someone who was with some guy, had three kids with him.

This guy is, I've seen text messages, the ultimate narcissist, the shit that he said to this girl made me want to run him over with a car and then back up and run him over again. Horrible, horrible things that he said. But I think that, you know, people look mostly with narcissists. And again, we can talk about what is a real narcissist and what isn't on another show. But

Mm -hmm.

People, they continue to see the good days and try to blank out the bad instead of the other way around. People who even get out of these relationships end up still going, well, he was good at this time. I've, or...

end up going back and sleeping with the same person again, even though they aren't together anymore. So look, the mental strain on people, we can go back and forth. I think a lot of the things is both sides of this, whether they're older or younger, are these mental issues or, and again, the older you get, you're always going to be leery of whatever.

And I think with the way that the dating lifestyle is set up now is there's just more people out there. The grass is going to always be greener. I'll just I'll just go back on a dating app and and go on a date tomorrow. And I think women have that luxury where like my friend went on a dating app and she had 250 messages in two days. So what do you do?

Mm -hmm.

I think she learned very quickly that no one cares about what you are inside. They just say, you're hot, you're hot, you're hot, you're hot. So she got something totally different out of it. Like she got sickened by it. Like these people don't care who I am. And I tried to tell her that that's the best thing about her to me. The best thing about her to me is her insides. Like I'd rather have someone who can talk to me and has a good heart because

we're all going to age. look, is she pretty? Yes, she's stunning to me. But I also see her every day at the gym with no makeup on and she's still pretty to me because she's pretty inside. So again, the age thing to me is I want someone who's morally inside. Do I want someone 10 years old or no? And I definitely don't want anyone under five years younger.

Mm -hmm.

because I think that I want someone who understands who I am, can talk to me.

can communicate and I think that's the biggest thing in anything that we're talking about is communication skills. Whether you're 10 years younger or 10 years older, if you cannot communicate, none of this matters because too many people hold shit in now. I'm look, if, I start dating someone and I don't get the groove within a few, you know, within three months, I'm gone. I got to get out of it.

Right?

I don't want to keep putting in time with something that's not real. Who the fuck wants to do that? I could sit at home and be just as happy then. So I believe that where we're at with dating older or younger is look, do what is good for you, right? You'll know, but if you don't try either one,

You know, you're just hurting yourself.

Try it all, break the rules, do things differently. You know what I mean? We don't know. Like I said, I had a great time with that 30 year old. It was a good time. Now, was it long lasting? No, it did not turn out that way. But that doesn't mean I didn't learn. That doesn't mean that he didn't learn. That doesn't mean that we didn't see other's perspectives. Like some people aren't supposed to be with you for forever and other people are. So I think that...

Until we quit having these preconceived notions about how things are supposed to look be sound smell taste whatever until we drop our Expectations and just let life kind of guide us where we need to be We're always gonna have problems with this. So why not? Why not break the you know, I was with a guy that was 12 years old I was with him for 22 years. He's still a really good friend of mine. We're good Why not try it?

12 years, it was 12 years.

Well, and I agree, and I think it's with all of that. If you've been with nothing but shitheads, try the good guy. Because obviously, it's do something different. Go outside the norm. It's okay to see what something is, and maybe you will find somebody that's just, you know, the cat's pajamas.

Mm

Yeah.

Yes.

Mm -hmm.

I always say I'll find what it is is supposed to be with me next. I will have what I'm supposed to do next. Because I do believe that there's something out there that's bigger than I am kind of rolling the dice and telling us which way to go.

Yeah, if you put it in God's hands, most things are probably going to end up okay.

Yeah, I guess having faith is a good thing. It really is like and it also means that you if you just look beyond what you're seeing maybe if you're looking beyond the age or you're looking at how much he makes right now or you look beyond on his his You know his past love life if you look at that and and then put it to the side and look at him how he is with you and how it makes you feel and how

Big.

He feels when he's with you, I think that that's where you need to be.

Yeah, sometimes you have to let your heart be over your mind because your mind will play tricks on you. Generally, your heart goes, man, I'm having a good time and man, I feel good when I'm around them. And man, this just feels right. But your mind will talk you out of that every single time because it's going to go, but yeah, but what about this? And what about that?

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, but you know, you need to quit looking at life like every person is going to do you dirty. You need to quit looking at life like it I'm going to fail or they're a bad person or they're this or that. Maybe they're going to be the best thing yet. Look at it that way. That's it. That's how I look at life because you know, once you've been hurt and once you've been fucked over, you know what it feels like. And if you live through it, now, you know, you're strong.

So now it doesn't matter. So take the risk, take the chances, do what you think may not be the best thing for you. But if it's better than what you've been doing, give it a shot. Maybe that didn't come out right, but you know.

No, what you just said was right. If it's better than what you've been doing, you're way ahead of the curve already.

Yeah, give it a shot Take the leap like I tell people all the time, you know, they're like, I would never do that. Why not? Why would you not do that? Give yourself the experience See how it goes because I got to tell you I'm talking about this this 30 year old and what has it been like? I don't know. However many years later since I've done that and It wasn't a bad thing. I mean it wasn't longevity. It wasn't gonna be

Yeah.

No.

but it wasn't bad and I'm glad I got the opportunity and I could look back with fondness. You know what, COVID was a shitty time and I was really lonely and he was a really good guy that was going through what I was going through and it worked well.

Yeah, yeah. mean, look, we're all, sometimes you're just right place, right time.

and things roll. Like I look at, like I said, I'll close this out because we're coming up on our general time. I look at my dad and I look at both my parents. My mom didn't stay in things because if it wasn't right, she bailed. My dad took this chance on somebody that was way younger than him and he's, well, I think they got married at like 40. He was like 48. He's 81 years old. So they've been together that long.

Hmm.

Mm -hmm.

and

Are they exactly the same? No. And sometimes that also works. Sometimes you got to be a yin and yang. Sometimes you need someone who maybe isn't living in chaos to storm your chaos and vice versa and give the guy who's not in chaos a little bit so he feels like he's living again. Purpose is purpose is a big thing, I think, in in a man's case, like to have purpose is is a

good thing. And I think that a good woman brings you purpose because you feel like you mean something in the world. And I think that women who see a man who is giving that, like, you're my purpose, they, think a lot of women like that. You know, that understand that they're part of that. So.

Mm -hmm.

You know, my last word on this is, you know, find your person, you know, and you know what, yeah, sometimes you gotta leave it in God's hands and hopefully they'll point you in the right direction. But look, we have a very, very short time on this planet. Very short. So be happy.

So be happy, be happy, find happy, live however you need to live to make that happy.

and give shit a try. What's the worst that can happen?

You could fail miserably, get divorced, and have to start all over again. But I didn't die doing that, so if I didn't die, nobody will. You'll figure it out.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. So check us out on social medias, the Facebook, the Instagram, the X. And I think I'm going to start a tick tock. So we'll we'll see. And then, yeah, check us out on Apple and Spotify and anywhere you can listen to podcasts. Please share this with other people. It would be very much helping us out. And if you want, you can go to wherever you listen this and give us some star ratings and say nice things about us.

There you go.

Anything else you want to say there, Miss Tina?

No, just live your lives, take chances, figure it out. Word.

Word. That's it. All right, it's an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday and we'll see you in a week. Talk to you guys later, bye.

See ya.