In this engaging episode of the One Small Change Podcast, Yvonne McCoy sits down with Chris Cianciulli to unpack how a single shift in mindset and approach to networking can create transformative results in both professional and personal life. Chris Cianciulli shares the story behind his four-step process for effective networking, how virtual communities have shattered geographic barriers, and why building authentic relationships matters more than ever. Tune in to learn how embracing curiosity, self-awareness, and structured follow-up can turn ordinary interactions into meaningful connections.

Guest Bio:

Chris Cianciulli is a master connector and the creator of MPN (My Personal Network), a process designed to help professionals communicate more effectively and build their own authentic personal networks. Drawing from his entrepreneurial journey—running gyms, building networking groups, and overcoming learning challenges—Chris has become a passionate advocate for mindful networking and collaboration. His work empowers individuals of all personality types to foster genuine relationships that drive growth, collaboration, and referrals.

Chapters:

00:00 "Discovering the Power of Networking"

03:14 "Redefining Networking in a Pandemic"

08:02 Networking Success Through Mindset Shift

13:13 "Effective Networking vs. Wasted Time"

14:25 "Rethinking Networking: Authentic Connections"

19:16 "One-to-One Networking Simplified"

21:56 "Networking Tips and Learning Styles"

25:40 "Supercharge Business with Small Changes"

27:49 "Stay Curious and Innovate"

Quote from the Guest:

“It’s ironic that some people don’t realize how bad their best breath smells even though their nose is just above their mouth. The people that think they have it all figured out are usually the last ones to know that they don’t.”

Link:

Come be our guest: https://mypersonalnetwork.org/guest-meetup

Welcome to the One Small Change. And I'm thrilled that you took time out of

your busy schedule to join us on this journey of exploration and

transformation. I'm Your host, Yvonne McCoy and I bring almost 30

years of entrepreneurial experience and I have a passion for

discovering growth through the power of seemingly small change.

And you know, this week and every week I try to bring you somebody

really interesting for you to listen to and they're going to share

about what their smaller, unexpected change or decision

that sparked that change for them is. And this week we

have Chris Cianciulli. Chris, thank

you for taking time out of your schedule to be here. Welcome. Thank

you, thank you, thank you. And thank you for pronouncing my last name correctly.

You helped a lot. You helped a lot. So, so we want

to know what it is you do and how you got to be how you

got to do what you do and be one of the best people at doing

it. Well, thank you

for saying that. I.

Well, what I do is I help people communicate more effectively.

And the way that that is done is through a

four step process called MPN or my personal network.

And instead of being a networking group or a community,

it's a process for professionals

build their own personal network. And

so why did you, what, what made you decide to do that?

Well, I guess the. We could go

way back to when I was

opening a personal training studio back in

2005, 2006, it was recommended

that I go check out a BNI group. And I had no idea what

BNI was. And, and it was

explained to me. It's great. It's a bunch of people who

all belong to this group and everyone promises to refer one another and use

one another. I didn't know what that meant, but I went

and everyone seemed nice in this

group and I was trying to understand, so

you have to give referrals, how does it work? And I didn't know there was

a whole business behind giving referrals. I

had opened my own gyms before. I had my

own personal training studios, but I had never heard of

networking. I just talked to people in the community. I would

go talk to my neighbors in the next storefronts. I didn't know that that was

a thing. And then after being part of

a BNI type group that had chapters and

different industries, I found a tremendous value in

the relationships that were coming from, from belonging to one of

those groups. So I saw it as, I love the

social aspect of it. I loved the

finding people within the group who you had things in common With So it was

the friendships. And when Covid hit back

in 2020 and we went all

virtual because I had started my own

networking group at the time in person. And I then Covid

hit and I saw that there

was going to be a need for how people

networked and it was going to have to be different than just

a website and a zoom link. And that's what

a lot of networking. And I was part of it, I was

guilty of it, it was a lot of the same, but thinking it

was different. And I found that there were lots and lots of

networking type organizations like the BNIs that

then became a different model

altogether because there wasn't the geography that limited

who people could meet or know. So because of technology,

it made geography obsolete. And as I

started connecting with people from all around the country, I thought,

this is such an amazing thing. These are people who you would never

come into contact with from the other side of the country, from other

countries, from around the world. And I saw

that what value I

could bring or what I could change as

someone who was learning or is learning disabled and had a lot

of difficulty in school because I had difficulty

communicating. I had a very bad lisp, which I

still try not to sound too much like a lisp.

Once I learned that I wasn't dumb, I just didn't know how

to learn. Once I learned how to learn, then I had

a thirst for knowledge. I started reading one to

two books a week. I started just taking in so much because I found

ways that worked for me. And through networking, especially

online with this new model, I found that if

everyone considers themselves or self identifies as either an introvert

or an extrovert, I found that

extroverts thrive in networking and they love to network

because they're very social people. They love to get to meet and

know new people constantly. But I

observed that those who identified as introverted

felt like conversations were railroaded. They

felt as if they were just lost in the crowd. And

the ironic thing is I saw that introverts brought

so much to to those networking

type groups because they tended to be the

ones that were more systematic, more

regimented. And as I learned the dynamic

of personalities and what made people

gravitate to the groups that they did, I found that

it's having that right balance of introverts and

extroverts, but it was getting people to have a

level playing field. So I developed the technology

and an approach to networking that consists of four

steps. So the way that it works is.

Can I stop you before you do the four steps, please. You've said a couple

of things that I think sometimes the people need to be

reminded of. I want to go back to the very

basics of

the whole idea of networking. I was a person who came

to networking very late. I did not like it,

I did not want to do it. And I think part of that

was because I think networking was always

presented to me as a place to find a client, which it

absolutely is not. If you network

to find clients, you are probably not going to find any.

You're going to be disappointed. But it is a

place to build relationships, and

those relationships are actually more valuable than

one client because there is the potential of

collaboration and possibly multiple referrals.

So that's the first thing that I want to add for people who are like,

you know, I don't like to network and exactly what you said about

the introverts and that kind of stuff, right.

The other thing that I think people forget is

we, everybody can have a global company now,

right? Because we're on, on zoom and stuff like

that. Like you said, geography is no longer

the issue. You know, and the nice thing is you don't have to.

You only have to get dressed up from the waist up

and you can meet people all over the world. And so it

is a wonderful tool if you can find the right place to be

with the right people kind of thing. Right. So

I just wanted to throw that out because I think that's so important. And, and

I say it because, like I said, like, you know, I just came to

networking very late and found it very frustrating and

not very fulfilling, but I was going for the wrong

reasons, you know, and, and the other thing is, not every

networking group is, is the right place for you

to be. I mean, you have to feel like you're someplace where

you really can develop a relationship and

you can be, you know, you can be heard and not run over and

whatever. So all the experiences that

you had, you know, the, you know, the idea that.

Well, what the other thing I want to say is, I think the small

change for you was, was really the huge change was

the, the mindset that I'm not dumb. And

so you have brought this incredible curiosity and how can

I make things work and make things work better? Which is what

brought you to your, the networking group that you set up.

It's like, what do I like from the different places? How do other, what do

other people need? And I find that really interesting that,

you know, once that perception to you that I'm not dumb,

you know, you. Just took off, I think

to say something. Since we rewound back to

networking, which I'm glad we did,

I would say there's a difference between one's network and

networking. And as I started meeting

people, networking, going to

different speed networking type things, I had

hosted and brought people together for,

let's call it speed networking. That's the act of

meeting people. But your network are the people you

know. And if you stop and

ask yourself what's the purpose or reason you're networking,

if you're networking to meet people. And I know

that people, many people out there put so

much thought and effort into trying to explain what

networking is to someone else. And most people agree. And at the

end of the day, what does it matter? Like, what are you here? And people

will say, well, aren't we all here to help each other? And it almost sounds

inauthentic the more that someone tries to convince you how authentic

they are. So I like to

break down. When you look at networking, what

is the purpose for it? Is it an exclusive networking group

that you are there for referrals? Are you there to learn

something? Or are you there to just get to know?

So there's kind of like those tears.

But being an analytical person, which I've

become in the last four years, I was never very analytical to look

at data. I was always more in intuition and

going with a gut feeling, which I've been wrong more than I've

been right. With that, I've learned to appreciate

the analytics. So I started surveying people.

And I conducted more than 700 surveys with people

who were guests to different networking meetings that I was

hosting. And in speaking

to all of these people, I asked them,

what's the number one thing you

don't like to talk about when meeting someone new?

Do you know what the number one answer was?

Their business. So first off the

bat, that's interesting. That's the first thing. If I

ask someone, do you belong to any networking

groups? Someone might say, oh, yes,

I belong to this one. And I would say,

how do you like it? And they would say, I hate it. I

hate that you have to pass a referral. I hate that you can't be

absent. I hate that you have to find a substitute.

I could interview the next person for a survey and say, do

you belong to any networking groups? And they would say the exact same

one. I'd say, how do you like it? They would say,

I love it. I'd say, what do you love about it? I love that you

have to give a referral I love that if you're not there you have to

send a substitute. I love that you have to be there or you're kicked

out. And that was interesting to see

data to show that what some people didn't

like other people loved. So it made me aware

that there's different flavors

for different people. But then I want to understand why

is that. And as I learned about personality

testing mostly bank which is the most brilliant one

of all of them in my opinion, as I learned

from a trusted

valued person, my network, Michelle, as she said,

it's not personal, it's personality. And never

had that been so clear to me. So in those surveys of 700

plus people I asked

of the people you conduct a one to one with to get to know that

initial one to one, what percentage of people

would you say or I would say, do

you have a second one to one with them? And

5%, just over 5%

of people that I interviewed said that they ever have a second one

to one with someone. The industry will say 17%.

I found that it was 5% of people who

meet for a one to one ever have a follow up. So

I look at that as a lot of wasted time. So if you're

meeting people that you have no intention to

ever talk to again, that's not building a network

or networking, that's you pitching a lead because you

most likely brought up your service. So

with I don't remember where we started, where we are, but add

kicked in. It's just the fact it's a lot of people that constantly say

the same thing. And I became so tired of saying

how much can we talk about the sport? Let's just get out on the court

and play it. And when it came to the whole idea of networking, everyone

spends so much time talking about what networking is supposed to

be that they waste time building relationships. So instead of going

into the whole how can we help each other? Who are you trying to meet?

What can I do? You've got to give, give, give, give. I

think there's been a lot of people out there that get everyone with an

idea all revved up to go do something, but they're not sure

what to do. So a lot of people post Covid

started networking to talk about ideas for businesses

or services that they didn't yet have. So I

think it kind of changed the landscape of what

networking is where it took on more of a social

than just a referral side. So it was

creating something that embraced the purpose for both

but found how the two could be blended together so that

you authentically could find commonality.

Because what the research found is that the number

one reason why people refer is because of having value

for someone else. You value in the relationship, but the value

that you have for someone is because you have commonality. So you

value the relationship. One of the things that you said, I think that is so

important is that typically

people do not follow up. And that is, you know,

they don't do the first follow up and so they don't do the second

follow up either. Right. And that's true of

not just networking, but if you, you know, do a workshop, you have to

follow up with the people you have to do. Now there's a, you know, we

need a lot of touches, you know, to, to become

into somebody else's world. And so I think that is a really

important thing. And so I'm going to take you back to where I cut you

off about the, what you develop based

on what you found and the four steps that are in

my personal network. Good timing because you said follow up and

that's one of the steps. But like you just said about following up,

I think so often many people who

have a business or would call themselves an

entrepreneur, I feel that very often they

do what someone told them they're supposed to do

without really wanting to or having purpose.

So like you said, many people don't follow up and I would

agree. And the reason is what's the reason that they would be

following up? If you're. Because you're supposed to follow up. But

why, why did you meet with that person in the first time

in the first place? And if you say I wanted to hear

more about their business, that's not true. You could have just looked on LinkedIn and

you could have read about their business right there. You wanted to

pitch something to them. You wanted to share how you

could help each other under the guise of the they should buy your product or

service. Because. So

looking just at that and part of

MPN and of that four step process

that I developed is

it begins at what we call a meetup. So it's a

small group get together that's maxed out with

seven people. And the idea

is we go through three rounds

called one Icebreakers. In the first round,

everyone answers a this or that question to break the ice and

giving their reason for why they said what they did. So

it loosens people up to start talking to people they've never met before.

Then through our system, each person on the

call selects a question from a list of 40 questions

that they would like to ask the other participants.

Whoever selected the question asks the question.

They then call on each person the order they want to go in.

In our system, there's a place to take notes on what

each person said. And after everyone has asked

and answered the questions in the third round,

everyone chooses one person that they would like to

follow up with. They give a specific

reason. Oh, I want to follow up with Steve

because he said that he coaches his son's baseball. I

coach my daughter's softball. Love to do a one to one, get to know

him better. So from what you learn about

maybe you sold the business and I'm about to sell

business, I would love to do one to one, hear what the experience was like.

But you're identifying who you wish to follow up with.

And then right in our system, you just click the button, follow up. Which

sends your scheduling link to the other person. So before

you even log off, you've scheduled for when you're going to have a one

to one. When you have your one

to one with that person using our system,

you select three questions you would like to ask that person

and they select three questions that they would like to ask you.

When you have that one to one, you go back and forth,

each answering each other and your own question

that you ask the other person. That's our third

step, one to one. And after you finish your one to

one, you do a recap. And the recap

is you giving feedback to the other person by

clicking off what stood out to you about them.

But it's in the form of tags so you don't have to take notes. You

can just click on buttons and then you rate the

conversation. You click on words of how

you would describe that person, how they came across,

and everything is anonymous. So when you get the

feedback, you don't know who gave that.

It blends everything. It just gives you the percentages

of how many people that you've met with said this or that.

This is the first of its kind that allows you to see how you come

across to others when meeting with them.

And what makes this unique is in

that back and forth.

It's a co created conversation. So if

you're an introverted individual, coming up with something

to talk about is very difficult. So the question you may

default to is so tell me about your business. And as we

learned, that's the number one thing that people don't like to talk about in networking.

So someone can unintentionally turn someone off to them and

close that door. Extroverts tend not to

take notes. They wear that as a badge of honor. Oh, I remember everything. I

don't write anything down. That's why by developing

a tag system, it doesn't take more than a second to

click on words you heard the person say. So it was creating

a co conversation and leveling the playing field so

each feels seen, heard and understood. So I'm,

I'm gonna. I can't believe that we're running out of time. But what I

want to do is, you've got a great gift. And

the other thing is, you know, I usually say to people, tell me three

things that people can do. And I think you've already done that because you talked

about, you know, the purpose of

networking so people can change the way that they network or look

at networking. Right. I think the other thing that you brought

into is, is our learning styles, which, which a lot of times people

don't talk about, you know, how I interact in a room, whether I'm an

introvert or an extrovert, am I, you know, whatever. And I

think that's really good. So take a minute. If there's something else that

you think, you know, a point that our

listeners can, you know, use right away, do that, but also tell us

about, you know, the, the link that

you're going to give to my personal network.

So I would say to

what I want people to remember or I'd love to

meet anyone that wants to check out my personal network,

mpn for short, my personalnetwork.org

which will link it in here.

I tell people that, come check it out. We're not a community,

we're a culture. And what makes it a culture is

there's an expectation of those. We don't have

members, we have subscribers. So it's not locking

you into a membership where someone may feel trapped. You're

subscribing. If at any point you want to leave because you no longer want

to be part of the network, fine, you can cancel it,

no problem. It's $29 a month to

not have access to, like most networking will say, you have access

to members. This is assurance that

the people you meet with are following the same four steps that

you are. So if you played a sport and you know the rules, you

could go play that sport in any state or any country. And the

rules are the same. So it doesn't matter who play with you. Adhere to the

rules by following these four steps. With

npn, you know that the other person

is listening when you speak. And

sometimes that has such value because we all

want to be heard. And nothing's more insulting when someone wastes your time or

isn't paying attention. So by following these four

steps, the other thing I forgot to mention is

you can see how engaged the person that you

are meeting with is because in our system there are different

colors around people's borders. So based on the number

of times you've completed the four steps, the

colors change. So there's metrics. So when

someone says oh I do a lot of networking, you

can see if they do it in a systematic

way because anyone who's ever had success will

always attribute to the system. So that's the biggest

value of MPN is you are among other people that are

upholding that culture of the

steps. And I'd love for anyone hearing this to come check it

out. If you ever, if you feel like you haven't had success

or built relationships with if you feel like many of

your one to ones never lead to a second one to one. If you feel

like just another face on the screen.

If you, if you're not happy with the people around,

I would love to invite you to come check us out here.

Fantastic. All right, we do I need to give the commercial

and that simply take the time to subscribe and

share and engage on social media. About the podcast and

the reason I did it is because I want to give you some extra things

so you can supercharge your business. And it's my way of giving

back to introducing you to people that you may not have had a

chance to meet. I want you to make sure that you continue to

join me on the one small change because even the smallest shift

can yield a huge result for you. And you may want to check out

either the first episode where I talk about why I I decided to do

this or you may want to look into one of the questions

quarterly clarity check ins which I talk about things to think about

at the beginning of the quarter and some business trends. So

Chris, what's your last words of wisdom or your last quote?

You want us to remember.

A quote to remember

something that you always say.

I'll say this that's repeatable.

It's ironic that some people don't realize how bad their best

breath smells even though their nose is just above their mouth.

And I say that because the people

that think they have it all figured out

are usually the last ones to know that they don't. That's

true. That's very, very true. And, and, and

one of the things that you've got built into my personal

network is that feedback so people will

know that sooner. That's fantastic. Thank you so much. Okay,

guys, we are running out of time. And so remember, change

is simple, but it's not always easy and it requires courage,

resilience and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. If you

are not stepping out of your comfort zone, you are stagnating because

the world all around you, it is moving forward. And if

you are not, you are moving backwards. So I want you to

join us again on the one small change as we embark on this journey

and build a vi a bold vision and look for

innovative possibilities. And until the next time,

stay very, very curious. Chris, thank you for giving

me this time today. I enjoyed this immensely. And everybody

be sure to go to the link that's in the in the

notes so that you can try out my personal network. I did it.

It's fabulous. Thank you. Thank you.

Bye.