Shownotes
In this solo episode of Doing Life Different, host Lesa Koski opens up about her own boundary struggles and how one uncomfortable decision led to deep personal relief. Whether you're navigating relationships, caregiving, or simply trying to get better sleep, this short episode will leave you inspired, equipped, and ready to set a boundary of your own—without the guilt.
Lesa shares:
- A real-life example of setting a sleep boundary in marriage
- Why midlife is the wake-up call for boundary-setting
- What people-pleasers need to know to feel okay saying “no”
- Her favorite go-to phrases that protect your time, energy, and peace
Remember: Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re wise.
🎧 Tune in and get the clarity and courage you need to take one small step toward freedom—today.
⏱️ Timestamps:
(00:00) Welcome to the Saddle Up Segment
(00:45) A personal story: Setting a bedtime boundary
(02:30) Why midlife demands better boundaries
(04:30) Tools to help you say no without guilt
(06:00) Encouragement and closing thoughts
💡 Key Takeaways:
- Midlife often forces us to confront boundary burnout—it's not selfish to take your peace seriously.
- A single boundary, even a small one, can lead to better health and relationships.
- You don't need to explain your "no"—you just need to mean it.
- Start with simple scripts to reclaim your time and energy.
🧠 Resource Links:
- 🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Dr. Becky Whetstone on boundaries: https://player.captivate.fm/episode/0a84b700-1ed6-46ed-9e3a-41ee9038fbda/
- 💻 Learn more at https://www.lesakoski.com
🔍 Tags/Keywords:
midlife boundaries, setting boundaries in midlife, people pleasing, self-care for women, how to say no, midlife burnout, Christian podcast for women, personal growth after 40, Lesa Koski, Saddle Up Segment, Doing Life Different
Transcripts
Welcome listeners.
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I am so thankful that
you're here for this week's.
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Saddle up segment where we just
take key takeaways from the past
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Tuesday's episode where I had, uh, Dr.
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Becky Wetstone on, and she was talking
about boundaries and it's so good.
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And I'm just telling you, go back and
listen because I had some interesting
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insights that I really didn't expect.
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Um, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna share
that with you at the, the end.
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But just so you know, she went.
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Through, you know, why do we start
recognizing when we have issues
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with boundaries kind of in midlife?
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You know, it's because we've
got the kids sometimes we've got
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grandkids, we've got parents.
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Sometimes they're needing us to help.
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There's just so much going on
midlife that I think that's, when
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you do have boundary issues, that's
when you really, really notice it.
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So she gave us some tools,
like actually like little sent
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sentences that we could say.
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Um.
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Like that doesn't work for me right
now, or let me check my calendar.
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Um, she even talked about
saying, you know what?
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That just wouldn't be
healthy for me right now.
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And.
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So she sets us up so that we're prepared.
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If we wanna think about something or we
don't know for sure if we wanna do it, or
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if it's a hell no, you know, then you know
that you're going to set your boundaries.
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I am not good at this at all, and I talked
about how uncomfortable I feel when I set
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a boundary, but she said something about.
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Don't let other people steal your peace.
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Like in order for us to use our gifts and
serve the Lord, we need to have peace.
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We need to have rest.
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We need to be able to serve him.
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And if we're doing things that
aren't in line with that or that
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just aren't going to support.
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That mission, that calling, um, you
know, whether it's being a mama or a
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grandma or doing a podcast or writing
a book, whatever it is, you do need
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to have those boundaries and take
care of you so that you, we all know
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that, so that we can serve others.
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It's just that, I will be honest, it's
a little uncomfortable when you start to
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do it, but this, I have started doing it.
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And I do have some freedom, and I'm
really kind of surprised and shocked that
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some people seem to really do well with
them and they don't even question it.
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They don't expect me to
give more than I need to.
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We need to be able to count on people
to say no when they can't do something.
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Just like I Heck yeah.
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When they can.
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So this is the funny
thing that hit me though.
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It was shortly after I
recorded this episode.
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I had asked a friend, um, who was
kind of a coworker to do, to take an
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opportunity with me, to do something
with me, and she used one of Dr.
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Becky's lines on me saying that,
yeah, that's not gonna work for me
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right now, or, or whatever it was.
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And I was like.
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And she didn't say anything else.
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She didn't, you know, that that was it.
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That was hard.
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That was Herb.
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And of course, she's my friend, like she's
probably working on this stuff too, right?
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But it hit me funny.
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It hit me like, oh, I would
do anything you asked and
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you're not gonna do it for me.
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And then it was kind of an aha
light bulb moment, like bulb moment,
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moment where I went, what am I doing?
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She doesn't expect me to do
things that don't work for me.
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Why am I expecting me to fall over
backwards and do things that, and,
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and overshoot those boundaries and not
have boundaries with certain people?
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So it, it was just funny
that I kind of felt, um.
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A little angry, a little hurt,
a little unimportant to her.
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But then I realized it was a good
lesson because it's not about
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me, it's about her setting up her
boundaries so that she can do her job.
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And you wanna know what?
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It led me to actually say no to
something I needed to say no to,
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to her a long time ago that I
didn't because I thought I had to.
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So it gave me the freedom to do that.
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So you guys were all just
learning and we need to respect.
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People's boundaries too.
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And it doesn't mean that they don't
like us or love us or wanna be with
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us, it means that that particular thing
isn't gonna work for them right now.
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So let your yes, be yes and your no be
no and you know in your heart what it is.
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So thank you so much for being there.
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Go set those boundaries up and
let me know if anything hit
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you funny, um, from a learning
experience on doing life different.