What happens when silence becomes your first survival skill?

Rich Dunning spent much of his childhood learning that staying quiet could keep him safe. Growing up surrounded by violence, poverty, instability, food insecurity and addiction, Rich learned how to survive long before he ever had the chance to simply be a child.

At just seven years old, alcohol entered his life. By 16, Rich was homeless, secretly sleeping in an abandoned train station while continuing to attend school, play baseball and maintain the appearance that everything was okay.

But surviving childhood didn't mean those survival patterns disappeared when childhood ended.

Rich went on to build a career, get married and raise a family, while underneath he continued to struggle with fear, distrust, unresolved trauma and an addiction to alcohol that eventually threatened everything he loved.

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, Rich and Tammy talk about how childhood trauma follows us into adulthood, why silence and hypervigilance can become automatic survival responses, the impact addiction has on an entire family, and what it really takes to begin healing.

Now nine years sober, Rich is the author of Silence Was My First Language: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma, Addiction, Survival, and Recovery and founder of the First Language Foundation, turning his lived experience into a mission to help vulnerable children.

This episode is ultimately a story of hope and a reminder that no matter where you started, your beginnings do not have to determine your ending.

Connect with Rich:

Website & Book:

www.Richdunningbooks.com

First Language Foundation:

www.firstlanguagefoundation.org

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rich-dunning-9a3137360/

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/richdunningbooks/

TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@richdunningbooks

Silence Was My First Language releases worldwide on October 6, including audiobook. Rich shares in the episode that those who preorder through his website before October 6 will also receive six unpublished chapters.

🎧 Listen now and remember: your past may explain your patterns, but it does not have to define your future.

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hello everybody, and welcome

back to another episode of

2

Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today we have with us Rich Dunning.

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He is the author of Silence Was My First

Language: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma,

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Addiction, Survival, and Recovery.

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Nine years sober, he is also the founder

of the First Language Foundation,

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turning his lived experience into

a mission to protect vulnerable

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children and prove that our beginnings

do not determine our endings.

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I love that.

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How you doing, Rich?

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I'm great.

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Thank you for having me, Tammy.

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I appreciate you.

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Oh, you are very welcome.

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So just the b- name of your book

caught my attention immediately.

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Silence Was My First Language.

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And I think you wrote even somewhere,

and I thought it, it would hit me so

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hard, you wrote somewhere 40 year- or

no, it was your trailer for your book.

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Oh, yes.

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Where it was like, "40 years later,

I spoke," or something like that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's funny.

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The, not funny, but the

name, it came to me after…

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this book took 15 years to write, Silence

Was My First Language, and what it w-

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it start- the journey started as I was

trying to put all my pain on paper because

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at that time I was seeing one of many

therapists, and she suggested the idea,

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"Why don't you put your thoughts down?"

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And the one word that continued to

come up as I'm writing was silence.

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Because my childhood, if you weren't

silent odds are that you were going

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to experience a lot of trauma.

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So that, that word really stuck with me

and it truly became my first language.

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Silence was the art of survival.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So true.

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And I w- actually just did an episode,

one of my little Tammy's Takes episodes

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that I do, just yesterday or the day

before, where I was talking about that.

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Where everybody's like, you have

to silence your voice," and I

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literally said, "No, when you grow

up like that, you don't have to be

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shown how to silence your voice.

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Your nervous system does it for you."

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100%.

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It was it's something

I didn't have to learn.

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Yeah.

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It was something that was automatic.

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Your sympathetic nervous system takes

over and you go into survival mo- mode.

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You brought up something, it took me

40-plus years to learn how to speak.

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That is actually true.

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Some people say, "No, you…"

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Not in the literal sense that

I stayed silent for 40 years.

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All that pain, all the survival,

that child continued to live in that

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adult, creating his own dysfunction.

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While, to others, I- it looks

like you have this great life.

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You're married with kids,

you have a beautiful home.

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But that was all a house of cards, because

inside I lived in terror, in paranoia.

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I didn't trust anyone, not even my

own wife, who is my biggest supporter.

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And, that protection mode It

just stayed with me because

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I never treated that trauma.

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And the way I treated my trauma

was through alcohol, and I began

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drinking at the age of seven.

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Seven?

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Yes.

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And that was introduced to me by my mom.

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She just fed me alcohol at parties.

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They thought it was cute.

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So and then the alcohol took over.

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It all started with a stepfather coming

into our household at the age of five.

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I have vivid memories from the age of

three seeing my biological dad leaving

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our home and how painful that was.

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And then this man coming into our lives

a year later at four, and the violence

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started probably a y- within that year.

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I can think of, and it's in the book,

the earliest violence and trauma

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that I experienced was, I'm American.

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I was born in the US.

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I didn't speak a word of English.

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My mom was first generation Dominican.

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She came, she ca- she

didn't speak English at all.

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And so in our home, all

we spoke was Spanish.

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I didn't speak English.

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And nor would we weren't

even exposed to the outdoors.

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It was, we had this, we lived in poverty.

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And I remember living in this

basement in the Bronx in New York,

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which is a really tough place.

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And when he came into our lives and it

was time to go to school for the first

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time to kindergarten, I wouldn't go.

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I was afraid because not, I

wasn't exposed to other children.

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I, I didn't speak the language, et cetera.

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So that was the first time

he laid his hands on…

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He hit me so hard that I peed my

pajamas, and then dragged me to

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school in wet pajamas, which was

about a block and a half away.

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And that's how I went to school the first

day of- first day- … of kindergarten.

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So you were what?-

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First day of kinder- … five years old?

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I was five years old.

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Yeah.

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Ugh.

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And no one asked questions,

of course, during that time.

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This is the '70s and '80s.

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It's interesting to me how all the

violence me and my s- biological

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sister experienced- That throughout

that, maybe 12, 13 year span of

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childhood from the age of five, that

no one ever questioned the bruises.

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No one ever…

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it's just amazing how you

see this elephant in the

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room and everyone ignores it.

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Yeah.

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And I'd like to think that things

are getting a little better.

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Like now they have laws.

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If you see bruises on a child,

you have to say something, back

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then it was like turn your head

and I'm sure, I don't know what…

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You said your, so your f-

your mom was remarrying.

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She remarried, yes.

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Okay.

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She remarried and the violence

started about a year or so later.

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He was very brutal to her.

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Very brutal to us, me and my sister.

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My mom had two other children

with him that, obviously my half

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siblings, and it's interesting, he

wasn't violent with them at all.

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Interesting.

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They experienced the psychological trauma.

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Of course.

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Of course.

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Because what, of what they saw.

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Almost immediately I took on a provider

role at a very e- early age because,

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like I said, we were very poor.

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All the money that we had would

go towards drugs and alcohol.

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We were evicted so many

times, I can't even count.

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So I was g- I was gonna ask you, so it

was both of your mom and your stepdad

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that were into the drugs and alcohol

and- She was not in- I don't, I can't

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confirm, and I don't wanna speculate

whether or not she did any hard drugs.

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But she certainly liked

her drink, that's for sure.

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He- yeah, if you were

drinking with her- Yeah

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when you were seven.

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Yeah.

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She, yeah.

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She she he, his drug

of choice was cocaine.

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Okay.

138

And he actually, we, our nickname

by the time I was 12, 13, you

139

remember the movie Scarface?

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Yeah.

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With Al Pacino?

142

He took on that persona, and as a result

my sister and I would call him Scarface.

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Oh, wow.

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He b- obviously behind his back.

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But that became his name

because he thought he was l-

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he was living that lifestyle.

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And he was, he's certainly very violent.

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If I could put a face to him

and his demeanor, that was him.

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Okay.

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If you think of h- the person,

and Al Pacino's role in Scarface.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's unfortunate, but yeah.

154

Yeah.

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So when did you get out?

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Did you get out right when you turned 18?

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Did you move out before that?

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I mean- Yeah.

159

That's a great question.

160

During one of the most violent

moments, On my mom I was about 16.

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This would be the first time

he would actually wind up

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doing some time incarcerated.

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It was, he did about, I

think maybe 10 months or so.

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The violence was so tough that

I actually came home to it, and

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the police were already there.

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And it was just, my, my

mom took such a beating.

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And it all stemmed from he was,

the psychosis of drugs, right?

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He thought that my cousin, her

nephew, was sleeping with my mom.

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So he he stabbed my, he repeatedly stabbed

my cousin, and he beat my mom so badly.

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He did 10 months for th-

all of this, by the way.

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I became so enraged.

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That was the first time I physically

hit him in front of police.

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I took a bat and I hit him so hard

across the knees until the police,

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smothered me and said, "It's okay."

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That in turn, after she spent

some time in the hospital, we

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lost yet another place to live.

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My mom and my siblings wound up

going to a shelter, a home, no,

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a domestic violence shelter.

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Domestic viol- yes.

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Yeah, survivor shelter.

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And they wouldn't take

me because I was 16.

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I, I reassured her that I would be okay.

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I lived at an abandoned train station

for the next nine months or so.

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All the while keeping

my clothes at school.

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I was an athlete and a great student.

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I…

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it's amazing how things work

out, 'cause there was always

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this facade that we had, right?

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So all the while keeping my

clothes at school, I would shower

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at our gym in our, which was fine

because I was, you know- A student

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playing baseball for them.

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But at night, I would get drunk,

and that's the only way I knew

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how to deal with being homeless.

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And I would crawl through this window

into this abandoned train station full

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of strangers, the most scariest time

of my life, crawl up into a corner.

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I would bring ironically, I would

bring my bat just for protection,

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and I would sleep with one eye open.

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And before sunrise, I would

sneak out and head over to

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school and take care of myself.

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And that's how I lived

for quite some time.

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It's funny when you say

sleep with one eye open.

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That reminds me, 'cause

I always say I use the…

203

when people are talking about

advocating for children, I use that

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kind of as an example because- Sure

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I had 51, 52, what- however many

teachers I had all throughout my school.

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And it was the same thing with me.

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My dad was a high-end stockbroker.

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My mom was a, she was

a child psychiatrist.

209

Wow.

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So on the outside, everything

looked really cool.

211

But I remember thinking, I remember

saying to, I don't remember even who

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I said it to one time, but I was like,

"If just one of those 51 teachers

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had ever said, 'Hey, Tammy, why do

you sleep all day long on the desk.

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I was a good student, I got good

grades- Yeah … but I slept in school.

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And I was like, if just one had said

that, I might have had the courage at

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that point to say, "Because it's the only

place I sleep with both eyes closed."

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Yeah.

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It's amazing.

219

And I know there's so many people out

there that can resonate with that.

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You sleep, I'm 58 years old now,

but- … sometimes you still

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sleep with hearing everything.

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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It's when you're on an airplane and

you're sleeping, and you're s- asleep,

225

but you can hear all the conversations.

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You can hear them give the

lady next to you a cookie.

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That's how you sleep when…

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And that's not good for your body.

229

It's your PTSD talking to you.

230

I- it's, it really w- stays with…

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coming out of it the only way I got

out of my situation was I got a partial

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scholarship for baseball of all things.

233

And, just leaving that

environment and going into…

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I was the first one to graduate high

school, first one to go to college.

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But going into an environment

like that and it's oh my gosh,

236

it's a whole other world.

237

But again, I was so protective of myself,

because I always thought that everyone

238

was out to hurt me, the paranoia.

239

So I'm gonna hurt first.

240

And again, it's just the way you

grew up, just protecting yourself.

241

Just the drinking get- got worse.

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I met my most beautiful wife, who by the

way, had the complete opposite experience.

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Grew up in all, bed of roses.

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My in-laws are the most incredible

folks, the most loving home you

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could possibly imagi- imagine.

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She marries me, and of course

she knows part of me, but

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she doesn't know all of me.

248

But then she begins to discover

who I really am, and it

249

was very difficult for her.

250

It was, for someone who never had

to deal with anything like that,

251

now she's got this guy who's just

full of drama, paranoia, anxiety.

252

I hid the drinking from her a lot until

I couldn't until I couldn't anymore.

253

And the drinking just got worse.

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I wasn't violent or anything.

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I was one of I was obnoxious- probably,

over the top happy and gregarious.

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But that, th- those feelings of

insecurity for your spouse still was

257

the same, and then you bring kids into

this environment, and it's interesting

258

to me I, my kids, God love them.

259

Even though I wasn't those things, my

kids started to behave the way I behaved.

260

As soon as Dad got

home, everyone scatters.

261

And I'm like what the heck is going on?

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I'm a fun guy."

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And then, the drinking got

worse The blackout started.

264

And boy, was I a blackout drinker.

265

I, I'm ashamed to say that I was one of

those notorious blackout drunk drivers.

266

And thank God I never got a DUI.

267

Thank God I never hurt anyone else or

myself, but I was one of those guys, if

268

I was working in one part of the state, I

would wake up on the complete other side

269

of the state or in a different state.

270

And once I woke up in a different country.

271

Where did you go?

272

Yeah.

273

I woke up in the country of Panama.

274

Wow.

275

And you thi- you would think that any sane

person would try to get back immediately.

276

No, I doubled down and stayed for

the next five days blacked out drunk.

277

While you had kids and everything else?

278

While I had kids and everything else.

279

So and it's funny that you said

that the w- the way you worded

280

it was all of a sudden your kids

started acting like you acted.

281

And it's, that's…

282

I remember telling my kids one time,

I said, "Even if Mom had never picked

283

up a drink, even if I had never

drank a thing in my life- Sure … I

284

by default would have acted like

an alcoholic," because I had their

285

mannerisms, I had their nervous system

regulation, I had everything that she

286

had, and my body thrived that same way.

287

So it's kinda like it's,

they call it para-alcoholism.

288

It's so- Yes … it's like I tell

my kids, "You got the DNA, girls.

289

Girls and boys," I tell

my kids the same thing.

290

And hopefully we make better choices.

291

But talk about how you…

292

what was, did you have an aha moment

where you were all of a sudden- Yeah

293

"Okay, this sucks.

294

Enough is enough"?

295

Yeah.

296

You would think that waking up in a

different country would be my rock bottom.

297

No, I continued to drink for

another seven years after that.

298

Yeah, I would think waking up

in a different country would

299

definitely be someone's rock bottom.

300

Yeah.

301

Yeah.

302

So my rock bottom was a, a

very unfortunate situation.

303

Things were really rough in my household.

304

My wife was ready to be done.

305

I, she's my lioness.

306

We've been married 32 years now.

307

Congrats.

308

And our relationship is just

incredible today, but I don't think

309

I'd be here if it weren't for her

and her patience and her love.

310

But my my rock bottom happened

311

July 7th I became sober, of 2017.

312

And- I had convinced them a couple of days

bef- a few weeks before that, "Hey, let's

313

just go away with the fam and, somewhere

local along the beach in South Carolina."

314

And just, I was drinking on and off.

315

I was trying, but I

wasn't very successful.

316

I had done many rehabs.

317

See, the n- the cool rehabs,

all of that stuff, it was all…

318

the narcissism in me

was just beyond control.

319

So we go away.

320

My in-laws actually lived in that

town and my, my father-in-law

321

asked to play golf, and I did.

322

We played.

323

We had a great day.

324

I had been sober for two days.

325

My mom and the kids were at by poolside.

326

We were done around, around lunchtime.

327

I was feeling good.

328

He gave me a good hug, and he went

off and went home, and I saw the

329

country club, and the lights went on.

330

I was like just one drink.

331

One drink."

332

One drink turned to four hours, turned

into four hours, and I show up about,

333

late afternoon, and y- my phone was

blowing up all afternoon, "Where are you?"

334

kind of thing.

335

I get there.

336

I am just a mess.

337

I see them poolside.

338

I can see my wife is not

very happy right off the bat.

339

But my youngest runs towards me.

340

He's 10 at the time, and he's "Let's

play ping pong," and I'm just a mess.

341

I was like, "Okay."

342

So now we're playing ping pong.

343

I'm falling, and I'm just all over the…

344

People are now noticing that

this person is inebriated.

345

And my wife's like, "Okay,"

grabs me, puts me in a room.

346

I'm obnoxious.

347

"You can't do this to me," whatever.

348

They go off to dinner.

349

I decide I'm gonna leave the room, go back

downstairs, and continue drinking, and to

350

the point that security had to bring me

back to my room and lock me in my room.

351

I pass out.

352

They get home.

353

I pass out.

354

I wake up.

355

My he- my brain is coming out of my

head that morning, that next morning.

356

I look around.

357

I see them sleeping peacefully, and I

just said, "I can't do this anymore."

358

I I…

359

We were on the fifth floor, our suite.

360

And it's like, "I'm not good

enough for these people.

361

They don't deserve this."

362

So I walk out on the ledge.

363

I climb over the ledge,

and I'm gonna take my life.

364

About to jump

365

And my youngest wakes up and

he comes outside and he's like,

366

"Dad, what are you doing?"

367

And that just broke me that

he caught me like that.

368

I climb back over, I walk inside, everyone

else starts to awaken, and I just fell

369

on my knees and I said, "I need help."

370

And I was just crying

and that was day one.

371

There you go.

372

That was day one.

373

I did some real hard work in therapy

and did one of those work stay rehabs.

374

This was not one of the glamorous

ones like I was used to doing.

375

This was hard work.

376

And then AA came into my life and

just completely changed my life.

377

There were people like me that

understood me, and it didn't define

378

you by how much you make, what

color you are, where you come from.

379

None of that mattered.

380

Nope, addiction- We all

shared- Yep … the same thing.

381

Addiction does not discriminate.

382

Nope, nope.

383

A- I was going to AA three

days three times a day.

384

I was d- I was just amazing at how much

it transformed me, and they got me.

385

I loved it, and that, that was

how things turned around for me.

386

Did, was I trusted for the probably

the first couple years after drinking?

387

No.

388

But it took a lot of work.

389

And it's funny how selfish the

disease is too, Tammy, because here

390

you are drinking all of this time.

391

It's all about me and my drama, and

they're, the family and friends are on

392

the sidelines and they're just like, "We

don't know what to do with this guy."

393

And they're hurting for me because

I'm not taking care of myself.

394

Now I get sober and it has to be about

me and my sobriety first because if

395

I'm not capable of taking care of

myself, I can't take care of you.

396

So it's always the family that kind

of suffers initially on the sidelines.

397

And I, m- to those families that are

watching this show or listening to

398

this show, I feel your pain, and it's

not fair because, you're the support,

399

supporting units, and my heart goes

out to you guys because it is tough.

400

But I promise that if that person that

wherever th- wherever they are in their

401

stage and they do get sober, the ultimate

outcome is that, it will work for you.

402

It will w- with all that

dedication that you give.

403

But only that person can get

sober- I was gonna say yes … or

404

can decide to get sober.

405

And- It's not your job to get them sober.

406

No.

407

And it's not your job to

care for them in that manner.

408

They have to get sober first.

409

Absolutely.

410

And it has to be their

idea, their rock bottom.

411

Absolutely.

412

And for the people out there listening,

you made a good point that it's all

413

about you, y- it's all about the addict.

414

It's all about the, so I encourage

anybody that's out there listening,

415

if you're going through that- You

can't be a support to that person-

416

Yeah … unless you are well.

417

There's ACA groups,

there's Al-Anon groups.

418

There are just as many groups for

people that are on- Absolutely … in

419

the families, and I highly

encourage people to explore that.

420

I was 13- I agree … I re- I think I

was, I think I was 12 or 13, and they

421

had Alateen back there, at that age.

422

And I remember my dad saying to me when

I was 13, he said, "Your mom and I are

423

doing irreparable damage to you, and

I don't know what, how to help you."

424

And he had a friend drive me to

this meeting, and it was not the

425

right meeting for the right day.

426

It just didn't work.

427

It like…

428

But I regret that to this

day that I didn't stick with

429

that when I was 13 years old.

430

Yeah.

431

Be- but ACA is my godsend, it just is.

432

Amen.

433

So what did you…

434

So talk about, so you

went through a rehab.

435

You, AA sounds like your found, that

sounds like the- Yes … the magic bullet.

436

That was the- Yeah.

437

And everyone's journey's

gonna be different, right?

438

For me, it was AA.

439

AA, therapy I had, for someone who

was an athlete, through college,

440

I had ballooned to 260 pounds.

441

I just did not care about myself at all.

442

It was, I was a train wreck.

443

I was sedentary.

444

I was just drinking.

445

I was drinking a bottle, excuse

me, a bottle of bourbon a day.

446

All the while still going to

work and it's just I don't

447

understand how I, I even survived.

448

And just eating like crap.

449

So the day I stopped

drinking I was 260 pounds.

450

And, the, the addict in someone, once

they think they are, they're gonna

451

be clean and sober, they wanna put

all that energy into something else.

452

And I don't recommend that, by the way.

453

I think it should be baby steps.

454

The first thing is obviously control your

sobriety and make sure you stay sober.

455

Use any resource that you can as,

as much as you can as possible.

456

But once there seems to be a

tempo to your sobriety, then

457

start exploring other things.

458

I encourage certainly, social

work in terms of talking to

459

someone, a psychologist or some-

That, that's certainly, that's

460

something that it's another outlet.

461

But i- your wellness.

462

I c- I call it mind, body, and soul.

463

Yeah.

464

'Cause if those are not right,

you're gonna you're gonna fail.

465

'Cause- Yeah, absolutely.

466

Pe- people ask me all the time, they're

like what kind of coach are you?"

467

Yeah.

468

And I'm like, "You know what?

469

If I had to give it a name, I

would say body, mind, and spirit."

470

Yeah, that's right.

471

Because it, it all works together, and

so many people don't understand, like,

472

when you grew up the way you grew up-

… it didn't just mess with your mind.

473

It also messed with your body.

474

It also messed with your

belief system, with your soul.

475

It's all intertwined, and you have

to you have to unravel all of it

476

And o- the, the, again, going to therapy

for me really helped me understand

477

that my past doesn't define what

I do today or who I can be today.

478

For the…

479

I was called, my name

was Dog for 17 years.

480

When you're called that all day long every

day, you start to believe that you're

481

an animal and that you deserve nothing.

482

There was no self-esteem.

483

As someone, again, who appeared

confident on the outside, who was,

484

I'm one of the tough- toughest spaces

to work in the medical device field.

485

You would think that I

was, that I own the world.

486

I was the most insecure person.

487

I had imposter syndrome.

488

I I felt that, I was never good enough

to be in any room because I was a dog.

489

And those things you

don't unlearn overnight.

490

No.

491

So I think therapy is

super, super important.

492

Then, taking- eating right,

starting to exercise.

493

I'm a big yogi.

494

All of that just brought me to

this place that, that I have peace.

495

For someone who's been anxious- Since

I was seven, five, seven years old, and

496

to not experience any anxiety even when

I'm enduring stress or I'm experiencing

497

tra- stress, I'm like, "That's

amazing that it's completely gone."

498

So now that you've worked through

a, a lot of this, obviously.

499

Yeah.

500

It's been nine years that you

haven't been drinking, and

501

you've had to deal with a lot.

502

What would you give as a tip?

503

Let's say you, somebody's

listening to you right now.

504

And they're like, "Oh my God, that's me.

505

Like I, I wanna take that step.

506

I need to change.

507

I need to do this."

508

What would be one of your

first steps, actually?

509

First of all, I would tell

that person that I love you.

510

I do.

511

I don't know you.

512

I love you because I know your

pain, and that you are someone.

513

This will probably be the most difficult

thing you ever do to step out of that

514

hamster wheel because it is like a,

a wash, rinse, repeat every day, and

515

I understand what that feels like.

516

I would encourage you just to take

the first step and worry about

517

the first minute, the first hour.

518

Not worry about the next day or the

n- at what tonight even looks like.

519

Worry about right now and

what you can do right now.

520

And let that step guide

you to the next step.

521

And that step may be, "Hey, why don't

I open up my phone, my gadget, and find

522

out where the next AANA meeting may be?"

523

And go sit in that meeting.

524

And if you feel brave

enough, share your story.

525

Yeah.

526

There will be, that entire room, the first

thing they're gonna wanna do is help.

527

Yeah.

528

Because they understand you.

529

You are not alone.

530

I love you.

531

Amen.

532

And very well said.

533

And for people, again, listening

that want to take that first step

534

know that, like he said, baby steps.

535

It's not jump all in- Baby

steps … go and be the most,

536

the loudest voice in the place.

537

He, Rich even said for 40

years he didn't have a voice

538

'cause he was scared to use it.

539

You don't have to go from no voice

and not being able to talk to being

540

the loudest voice in the room either.

541

So baby steps.

542

I went to ACA meetings

and Al-Anon meetings.

543

I sat on the, it, I sat

for months and never spoke.

544

Yeah.

545

Never spoke.

546

I just listened, and I was gaining

confidence, and all it took was just being

547

in a room knowing that I wasn't alone.

548

My stories were, while they were unique

to me, they weren't really that unique.

549

And- 100%, yeah … there is power

in knowing that something that you

550

went through that, people spend so

much time comparing their traumas,

551

and hundreds of thousands if not

millions of people right here in

552

this United States have gone through

very similar stories, so they get it.

553

Yeah.

554

And that's the big thing.

555

They understand.

556

And when you go in those rooms and those

meetings, there is nothing but compassion.

557

Compassion.

558

A- and even in that first meeting, you

don't have to say much, but what's going

559

to happen is that person that attends is

gonna get a bunch of phone numbers Because

560

a- and that support immediately to know

that you have a number that you can call

561

right away and say, "Can you talk to me?"

562

And that sponsor or would-be sponsor

is more than willing to listen

563

and carry you to that next step.

564

And again, reinforce the fact that

you don't have to drink right now.

565

You don't have to make a decision

that you're quitting drinking.

566

Just don't drink.

567

Or don't do whatever drug

you're doing right now.

568

For right now, don't do it.

569

It's that small of a baby step.

570

I know they always say one day at a time.

571

I remember the first time I heard

one day at a time, and I was like no.

572

Break it down a little more."

573

One minute.

574

One second at a time.

575

Yeah.

576

Then one minute at a time.

577

Yeah.

578

Then one hour.

579

Like- Exactly … no, not one day.

580

Hey, if there's hope for me, oh

my gosh, if I was a train wreck,

581

there's hope for you guys that

are out there that are struggling.

582

I promise you.

583

Because I thought, again, my, my choice,

and it usually coincides with the message.

584

You wind up in either in three places.

585

You either die, you're so

sick that, that you're in the

586

hospital, or you're incarcerated.

587

Those are the three dead ends.

588

And I was going to take my life- Yeah

… which would've been the second time

589

in my life that I would've done that.

590

The other time is when I was a child

because I couldn't deal with the

591

pain, which you could read in the

book, Silence Was My First Language.

592

Yeah, talk about your book and

talk about your organization.

593

Yeah.

594

Your foundation.

595

Yeah, I appreciate that.

596

Yeah, so again, the story obviously begins

with, a lot of poverty childhood violence

597

food insecurity, constant food insecurity,

and certainly homelessness, and some way

598

exploitation and sex abuse, unfortunately.

599

The story, it's a…

600

And then taking those emotions and those

insecurities and living with those things

601

as an adult, which fueled the adult in me,

the alcoholic in me, and then ultimately

602

becoming at peace with what happened.

603

It's not a pretty book.

604

It's a, but it's a real book.

605

It's it's very cathartic, very real.

606

It's very cinematic.

607

It puts the read- everyone who's

read it in pre-sale my advance

608

readers who are leaving reviews,

they all say the same thing.

609

It stays with you.

610

They may have to put it down a

couple of times, but it's so real.

611

It's not a happy ending,

but it's a real true story.

612

You will feel that you're in the

book as the person going through it.

613

You'll touch it, you'll feel it,

you'll smell it, you'll hear it.

614

It's a pretty powerful book, I think.

615

And then this book, this

wasn't the end game.

616

My, for me, it was how do I give

back to folks who are going through

617

it, to the kids and young adults

that are going through it right now?

618

Because Tammy- It's unfortunate

619

prevalence of abuse and violence are

going on continually, just as much as

620

they were in the '70s and the '80s.

621

Nothing has changed.

622

Because why?

623

It's something that's not talked about.

624

We can't be silent anymore.

625

So I have a foundation called

firstlanguagefoundation.org.

626

For every book I sell in perpetuity,

not just for this book, but for all

627

of my books that come afterwards, I

will donate $1 towards the foundation,

628

which will then serve directly to the

kids that are going through poverty,

629

homelessness, et cetera, violence food

insecurity and certainly exploitation.

630

And I'm…

631

Something I'm really proud

of, I have a tremendous board.

632

No one is paid, so that's great.

633

So all of the money that's raised,

n- not only from me, but you guys in

634

the audience can go there and donate

as well, that money goes directly

635

to those causes, 100% of that.

636

So I'm very proud of that.

637

That is amazing.

638

That's- And those links- Yeah … I can

put in the show notes if you're listening-

639

Yeah … so that if you wanna donate.

640

And that's- It's firstlanguage.org.

641

Okay.

642

And then you can pre-order my book today.

643

The book comes out worldwide

on all platforms, including

644

audiobook, on October 6th.

645

Okay.

646

So you can go anywhere to find it.

647

And you can find my book today on

pre-sale at richdunningbooks.com.

648

And if you order my book before October

6th, you're gonna get six unpublished

649

chapters that were so painful to me

that ultimately I said, "You know what?

650

If I'm gonna be real, these have to

be shown as well, because this is

651

what a person today is going through.

652

And, this is me."

653

So if you pre-ordered a book

before October 6th, you will get

654

those six unpublished chapters.

655

I will make sure that this goes

out before October 6th then- Thank

656

you … so people can get the, so people

can get your, get your- I appreciate

657

that … pre-order with those chapters.

658

Yeah.

659

Just…

660

Yeah, no, that's amazing.

661

And it's…

662

Sometimes it is hard to read those books.

663

I wrote this, a very, very simple

book called Surviving Alcoholic

664

Parents- Yeah … and my sister

said she couldn't even read it.

665

Yeah.

666

And it was I thought it was so simple,

like a reference guide for teens.

667

I was like, "Wow," like I never really…

668

But I was just writing, and- Yeah … and

trying to be as non-graphic as I could

669

and trying to keep things just so that

it wasn't- Yeah … it wasn't deep in…

670

Because it was for kids, so that

was a totally different thing.

671

But my sister's like, "Yeah, I read…

672

I had to kept putting it

down, and I'd put it down."

673

She put it down for months,

and I'm like, "Oh my goodness."

674

Oh.

675

But she finally- Yeah … got through it.

676

But anyway, wow, yes.

677

And- I guess if we're listening,

and if you're out there listening,

678

the big message is the message

that I talk about all the time.

679

You are sitting here looking at Rich.

680

He went through poverty, homelessness,

living in a, what'd you say?

681

In a r- in a- An abandoned,

yeah, an abandoned train

682

station … abandoned train station.

683

Doing all of that, and now here

he is smiling- … at peace.

684

Body, mind, and spirit-

Yeah … all in alignment- Amen.

685

Yeah … and helping other people.

686

So if you're out there and you're

thinking, "No, this is just the

687

way I am," or, "I can't change

because of how I grew up," I'm

688

gonna call total bullshit on that.

689

Amen.

690

And- Amen … but like you also

said, Rich, and you can correct me

691

if I'm wrong, you have to be the one.

692

You have to want it in, inside of your

heart to, to change- Yeah … and to

693

have- This- … a better life … exactly.

694

Your past doesn't have to define today.

695

You have one life to live, guys.

696

One life to g- And it's so precious.

697

I felt like I've wasted so much of my

life going through the motions, and

698

the s- and the life that I can't get

back because I can't remember it That

699

hurts, but what you do today can define

the rest of your journey in this life.

700

Yep.

701

I encourage you to seek help.

702

Amen.

703

And I always say, it's when was the

best time to stop or to change- Yeah

704

was f- 40 years ago.

705

Ex- But when was the second-best time?

706

Exactly.

707

Right now.

708

Now.

709

Right now.

710

Exactly.

711

So- Absolutely, Tammy.

712

Thank you so much for coming on.

713

I appreciate you.

714

Oh, thank you for having me.

715

I'm so honored.

716

I really appreciate you.

717

Absolutely.

718

And if you had one more…

719

You're not off the hook yet.

720

Yes.

721

Give them your best tip, trick, secret,

or words of wisdom from Rich Dunning.

722

Yeah.

723

I…

724

You know what?

725

And I'm gonna use a little

bit of a foul language here.

726

And we…

727

My entire family lives by this mantra.

728

What started as a woe is me

became this powerful message.

729

In my gym in my home I have this huge

banner that started out as pain, but

730

now it's a motivational thing, and it

says, "No one gives a shit, Dunning.

731

Work harder."

732

So at first it was, like, a

negative, but now we use it…

733

it's funny.

734

Every time something, someone

accomplishes something, we go, "No gas.

735

Work harder.

736

No, no one gives a shit.

737

Work harder."

738

And it's almost like, you know what?

739

You accomplished something.

740

Guys, it's never too late.

741

It's never too late.

742

It's true that I give…

743

When we say no one,

it's a double entendre.

744

I do give a shit.

745

People give a shit about you.

746

We love you.

747

Don't give up.

748

Don't give up on yourself and

your lives, because what you do

749

next can touch so many people.

750

So in terms of no one gives

a shit, we do give a shit.

751

I love you.

752

Love that.

753

Yeah.

754

Thank you so much.

755

I appreciate you.

756

Thanks, Tammy.

757

You're very welcome.

758

And for everybody else out there

listening, I'm not gonna repeat

759

the no one gives a shit because

he just said- … we do, 100%.

760

100%.

761

But you have to know that you're worth it.

762

Yeah.

763

So I'm here to remind, to reiterate

Rich's message of you are worth it.

764

No matter what you're, you were told

or shown or experienced it, whether

765

you … Whether from two to 20 or

whatever it was- Yeah … doesn't matter.

766

You could be now in your 20s,

30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, even 70.

767

Never too late.

768

And it is never too late to turn around

and decide that you want your best life.

769

And it's out there for the taking.

770

No guilt, no shame, none of the past.

771

Just moving forward in alignment.

772

So thank you all.

773

You all have a very blessed day,

and we will see you back next week.

774

Thank you.