Would you be embarrassed if you cried in public?

Because I wouldn't be. And I wasn't, even after crying in a coffee shop on a "first date" with a new friend.

In this solo episode, I'm exploring and celebrating my own growth around working through emotions in real time. For the first 20+ years of my life, I would bottle up my emotions, until one small trigger, and I'd have a full emotion breakdown. There was no in-between. Now? I can let tears roll in the middle of a conversation with a woman I just met, and walk away feeling more connected to her, not mortified.

If you're the woman who won't let herself cry, especially not in public, especially not in front of a stranger, this episode is for you. I'm talking about why tears are not a sign of weakness, what is actually happening in your body when you bottle emotions instead of releasing them, and the middle ground between "stoic and tough" and "complete meltdown."

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Crying in front of someone often deepens the relationship, not damages it.
• Bottled emotions do not disappear, they stack.
• A middle ground exists between "stoic and tough" and "complete meltdown." It took me 20 years to find it, and I'm still learning how to navigate my emotions.
• Letting your guard down is the practice of trusting yourself to handle whatever emotions come up in real time, without making the tears mean something about your worth or your character.

"We can let the tears roll down our face in the middle of a conversation with somebody we don't know. And it doesn't mean the world is ending." - Teresa Stastny

Connect with Teresa

• Join the Becoming Obsessed Playground, the weekly email for curiosity-led women building a life they love.
• Instagram: @becomingobsessedpod and @teresaajean
• Leave a review on Apple or Spotify Podcasts. Reviews are the biggest thank-you, and reviews help ambitious women find the show.
• Website: teresaajean.com

Topics: how to stop bottling up emotions, crying in public, emotional regulation for women, nervous system regulation, vulnerable connection, ambition and self-care, personal growth podcast for ambitious women, curiosity-led living

Mentioned in this episode:

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Foreign.

Something that I've learned and I've learned to embody is to let the emotions roll as they need to and to sit with that and to be okay with that and to not be like, oh, this is embarrassing, this is awkward, this is uncomfortable.

Because what I just sat through was a very beautiful human to human connection with a woman who could hold that and didn't think it was embarrassing and instead it gave us a more real connection point together.

And learning to let my guard down and that letting my guard down doesn't mean I'm gonna have a full emotional explosion is very beautiful to me.

Welcome to Becoming Obsessed, where curiosity leads you to a life you love.

I'm Teresa Stasny, and after over a.

Decade of traveling the world, working with.

Small business owners and creating a couple businesses of my own, I know a thing or two about playing by your own rules.

It's not always easy and it's often messy.

It can be hard, especially, especially if.

You're doing it alone.

I've seen way too many incredible women.

Shoot for the stars only to burn out along the way, or worse, live.

On default and never chase their dreams.

We're done with all of that.

Together we're going to challenge what keeps us stuck and figure out what it takes to live a life we truly love.

Oh, my gosh, y'.

All.

I'm going to just say it.

It is summer.

It might be only April, but I'm having flashbacks right now because I'm driving in my car in 80 degree weather with the windows up so I can record a voice note even though it's super, it's hot, it's hot.

And I'm having flashbacks to the last few years of doing this where I have something to say and I don't want to sit in my car not driving because it's hot.

And so I'll start driving, but I have to have the windows up so you can hear me.

Anyway, I just want to name something I almost said really quickly, as if anything is quick around here, but I do want to name this.

I just had a coffee date with a woman from the Entrepreneurista League who is local.

She's incredible.

We sat there for two and a half hours chatting about everything.

Her new business, our live stories.

And during part of it, I started to say something very vulnerable.

I don't even want to say it was like vulnerable.

It's just part of my story that makes me emotional.

A part of my story that I could have avoided because I knew it was probably going to make me Cry.

And I'm sitting here with a woman that I've never met before and I could have just avoided sharing anything about that topic because I knew it was going to make me cry.

And whatever we have thoughts about crying, like what does that say about me?

Or even I don't want to cry, I don't want to cry.

I hate crying.

I don't want to cry.

And for so much of my life, I will say the first 20 years of my life, at least, I have been so avoidant of releasing emotions in the form of tears of crying.

I did not want to cry.

I was a person who did not cry.

And then when I did cry, it was like the walls exploded.

And so I had learned, trained myself, experienced whatever term we want to use.

I grew up bottling up all of my emotions and then the only way I knew how to express them was some huge emotional blow up.

So flash forward to today.

I'm sitting there and I had something I wanted to share, had something that would contribute to our conversation and the experience of meeting each other and learning who the other person is.

And I could have avoided it because I knew it was going to make me cry.

But I was like, okay, I went for it.

I didn't really think that much about it in the moment, I'll be honest, but I know myself and I just, all of this is going on in like a split second, but I share it anyway.

And I feel the tears.

And I knew I was in a safe place.

She even said the words, you're in a safe place.

I knew she could handle it, but I also knew that I could handle it.

I knew that I could talk about it, I could let some tears stream and I didn't have to have a full breakdown, I didn't have to have a full blowout.

And I did actually like we kind of went deeper into the conversation and I cried for maybe like 10 minutes.

And to be honest, we just kept talking and the tears were rolling and I was wiping them off my face and I just let them happen.

And I let us continue the conversation without making it mean such a big thing.

And here's what I have learned here is what I want to talk about.

We can have tears.

We can let the tears roll down our face.

We can let the tears roll down for 15 minutes in the middle of a conversation with somebody we don't know.

And it doesn't mean the world is ending.

It doesn't mean you now have to have a full emotional breakdown.

And we honestly like got to a point where we changed the subject, naturally it made sense.

We just started talking about something adjacent and then completely different and the tears dried up and we kept talking and we hugged.

And I'm excited to now have this new woman in my life and in Omaha and the relationship will continue how it continues.

But the point is that I literally let myself cry in front of someone I had just met, in front of somebody that I could do business with, somebody that I'd be in business networking with.

This is also why I love working with women, because we're human first.

And that's something I'm so grateful for.

In the work that I do and the women that I work with, the people, not just women, the people I work with, it is always human first.

Wow.

That is a realization I'm having right now that I am so grateful for.

Why am I talking about crying?

Why?

Why is this a big moment for me?

Because little 8 year old, or honestly 16 year old Teresa would not have wanted to cry, would have talked about it and held it in and would have continued to hold it in and not release those emotions until I couldn't help it.

And then I'd have a big blow up cry and throw a tantrum and then I'd be good again for like six months and then do it all again and have a smile and be okay and be tough and not need anything from anyone.

And I am so grateful for my own growth, my own ability.

Now I'm thinking of so many women I've had on the podcast who talk about and teach about emotional regulation, nervous system work.

I of course now cannot remember exactly who it is.

I want to say it was Carrie Anne Livingston in hi Girl.

I feel like it was you.

I feel like it was your episode where we talked about emotions as an M and M machine at the big M and M stores where, you know, you put a little at the top and you just keep stacking it and they don't go away, but they keep stacking.

So then when you open the valve at the bottom, either a little bit come out or a lot of them come out.

But something that I've learned and I've learned to embody is to let the emotions roll as they need to as they come up and to sit with that and to be okay with that and to not be like, oh, this is embarrassing, this is awkward, this is uncomfortable.

Because what I just sat through was a very beautiful human to human connection with a woman who could hold that and didn't think it was embarrassing and didn't think it was awkward, and instead, it gave us a more real connection point together.

And learning to let my guard down again, not with everyone all the time, but learning that I can let my guard down and that letting my guard down doesn't mean I'm gonna have a full emotional explosion is very beautiful to me.

And now I'm speaking directly to you, to the person who doesn't cry.

You hate crying.

It's not that you can't, it's that you won't.

Maybe some people can't or don't, but it's that you won't.

You won't let yourself cry.

You especially won't let yourself cry in public.

You especially aren't going to cry to a stranger sitting across from the table from you.

And if you did, you would walk away feeling shame, embarrassment.

You would feel so awkward.

You would feel like you never want to have to see that person again.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe I just cried in front of them.

If that is hitting a nerve for you first, that's okay, because I have been there, and I'm not on, like, some perfect healed place where I could totally be there again.

I wouldn't put it past me.

And maybe there'll be a conversation where I cry and I'm like, I really didn't want to cry in that conversation.

Honestly, any conflict, I probably am gonna cry and then be like, I wish I could have done that without crying.

But if that's you and this hit a nerve, I just want to invite us to shift our perspective a little bit and to ask ourself, or invite ourself, give ourself permission to think about it differently, to realize that it's not embarrassing.

It is human.

We're humans having a human experience.

It is natural.

It is actually good for you to have that release.

It's healthy for you, and it can help create a bond.

It can be a positive moment in that relationship.

So when's the last time you cried in front of somebody and didn't judge yourself for it?

And if the answer is never, that's okay.

We don't need to judge that either.

We'll just notice, become aware, and play with the idea that maybe it's okay to cry in front of somebody, it's okay to cry alone, and it's okay to not judge it or make it mean something about who you are, your character, your worth.

Okay, I love you.

Let's go get obsessed.

You're still listening, which means this episode connected with you, and I want to know how.

So send me a DM on Instagram Coming Obsessed Pod.

Then send this episode to a friend.

If you know someone who is building a life that they love or they're feeling a little stuck and might just need a nudge, send this to them.

Then rate and review.

Because it also helps us get the word out.

And as you know, we're on a mission for more people to live a.

Life they truly love.

All right, let's go get obsessed.