Alan Carroll speaks with Kevin Palmieri the founder of Next-Level University. Kevin talks about his journey into the mindfulness career. Carroll and Palmieri talk about the importance of finding a path in which you can contribute your best self to. When we resettle we can reduce our anxiety. We must figure out the way to move from ego identity to being identity. Facing our fears is vital if we want to be our best selves. Palmieri believes learning how to respond versus react is key to mental wealth.

About The Guest:

Kevin Palmieri is the the CFO, Founder & Co-Host of Next Level University, a Global Top 100 Self-Improvement Podcast with more than 1,450 episodes and 850K+ listens in over 125 countries.

Some people find rock bottom... Kevin found out that rock bottom had a basement. In my mid 20's... He had it all. Kevin had a beautiful girlfriend, high paying job, sports car, his dream body... but he still ended up sitting on the edge of a bed debating suicide.

After his rock bottom moment, Kevin went all in on holistic self-improvement. He was determined to overcome his anxiety, depression and to finally live the life he'd always dreamed of.

Years later, Kevin now hosts a podcast that impacts hundreds of thousands of people in countries all over the world.

At this stage, Kevin has helped grow the podcast into a multi six-figure business, and has recorded well over 1,450 episodes. Kevin has also given hundreds of speeches, trainings and coaching calls with people all over the world.The main thing that changed was HIM. Kevin focused on learning what he didn't know (unlearning a lot too), and his dream life started to shift.

Palmieri loves talking about Consistency, Commitment, Habits, Mindset, Confidence, Fear, Relationships, Limiting Beliefs and everything in between.

Kevin Palmieri believes in a heart-driven but NO BS approach to holistic self improvement, and Kevin looks forward to teaching even more people about what it really takes to get to the next level!

Find Kevin Here:

Website

Instagram

LinkedIn

About Alan:

Alan Carroll is an Educational Psychologist who specializes in Transpersonal Psychology. He founded Alan Carroll & Associates 30 years ago and before that, he was a Senior Sales Training Consultant for 10 years at Digital Equipment Corporation. He has dedicated his life in search of mindfulness tools that can be used by everyone (young and old) to transform their ability to speak at a professional level, as well as, to reduce the psychological suffering caused by the misidentification with our ego and reconnect to the vast transcendent dimension of consciousness that lies just on the other side of the thoughts we think and in between the words we speak.

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/alan.carroll.7359

Business: https://www.facebook.com/AlanCarrolltrains

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/aca-mindful-you/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulnesseminar/

Web Site: https://acamindfulyou.com/

Alan Carroll: 00:00:03

Hello, everybody. And welcome back to the next

Alan Carroll: 00:00:06

episode of the mindful for you podcast. My name is Alan

Alan Carroll: 00:00:12

Carroll. And I'm your host as we explore together conversations

Alan Carroll: 00:00:19

from fellow travelers who are going down the mindful path in

Alan Carroll: 00:00:26

the variety of different forms. And today we have Kevin Palmeri.

Alan Carroll: 00:00:38

Evan Palmeri has done over 1500 podcasts. He is the founder of

Alan Carroll: 00:00:48

the next level University, a global top 100 self improvement

Alan Carroll: 00:00:56

podcast. Over 1500 episodes 850,000 People have listened

Alan Carroll: 00:01:07

over the last six years in over 125 countries. And so he has

Alan Carroll: 00:01:17

lots of conversations, lots of experiences, dealing with

Alan Carroll: 00:01:21

relationships dealing with commitments, habits, mindsets,

Alan Carroll: 00:01:25

mindfulness, responsibility, the reactive part, the responsive

Alan Carroll: 00:01:32

part. And in my conversation with Kevin, it was like playing

Alan Carroll: 00:01:39

catch. I would throw a ball he would throw it back, because he

Alan Carroll: 00:01:43

has a lot of similar insights as you walk the mindfulness path.

Alan Carroll: 00:01:50

So I am excited to be able to share with you today, Kevin

Alan Carroll: 00:01:55

Palmieri, please welcome Kevin to the mindful you podcast.

Alan Carroll: 00:02:01

Thank you. Welcome, welcome Kevin Palmieri to the mindful

Alan Carroll: 00:02:09

you podcast. What a pleasure to have you joining us today.

Kevin Palmeri: 00:02:14

Likewise, my friend, I'm doing very, very

Kevin Palmeri: 00:02:16

well. I appreciate the time, I'm excited to chat. We had a little

Kevin Palmeri: 00:02:19

brief conversation behind the scenes and you're wonderful. So

Kevin Palmeri: 00:02:22

I'm sure our conversation together will be as well.

Alan Carroll: 00:02:26

I agree. I agree. I'm very much into the omens of

Alan Carroll: 00:02:32

indicators of future things. And just your vibration, your

Alan Carroll: 00:02:37

energy, the clarity of your ability to articulate the

Alan Carroll: 00:02:42

thoughts that you are wanting to formulate. Wonderful. Plus, I

Alan Carroll: 00:02:47

told you, I really love the background love. I love the I

Alan Carroll: 00:02:50

love the background. I'm talking about background. Give us a

Alan Carroll: 00:02:55

little bit of your background, Kevin. So we have a sense about

Alan Carroll: 00:03:00

what are some of the events that have shaped you and have

Alan Carroll: 00:03:05

directed you down that path where you are developing that

Alan Carroll: 00:03:08

mindfulness way of being and then contributing and then being

Alan Carroll: 00:03:12

of service to others, bringing that mindfulness to other

Alan Carroll: 00:03:15

people. Okay, give us a little bit of a tour of, of your of

Alan Carroll: 00:03:19

your history.

Unknown: 00:03:20

Yeah, I would say if we were thinking of my life as a

Unknown: 00:03:23

journey, there would be a couple attractions probably worth

Unknown: 00:03:26

visiting. I would say, first of all, I was raised in a household

Unknown: 00:03:30

by my mom and my grandmother didn't know my dad, I didn't

Unknown: 00:03:33

meet my dad until I was 27. So obviously that plays a role in a

Unknown: 00:03:37

young man's life, trying to figure out what all that means.

Unknown: 00:03:40

Is it my fault, you know, obviously we can dive into that.

Unknown: 00:03:44

Other than that, Alan, something very unique happened to me when

Unknown: 00:03:47

I was in high school. I realized pretty early on that I didn't

Unknown: 00:03:50

want to go to college. I said I don't know what I want to do

Unknown: 00:03:53

with my life but I don't think I want to go pay somebody a lot of

Unknown: 00:03:55

money to help me figure it out. When I think it's up to me I

Unknown: 00:03:58

have to figure this out by myself. So after high school, I

Unknown: 00:04:02

stayed back I lived in the town that I grew up in and I pumped

Unknown: 00:04:05

gas at the local gas station. I ended up being a personal

Unknown: 00:04:09

trainer, truck driver forklift operator construction worker, I

Unknown: 00:04:14

worked at a hospital many many many different things. I

Unknown: 00:04:17

eventually got a job that was very financially lucrative and

Unknown: 00:04:21

when I got this job, I thought to myself this is it this

Unknown: 00:04:26

external success this external validation this external

Unknown: 00:04:30

significance is going to fix all of the internal voids that I

Unknown: 00:04:33

have been unconscious of slash running from for my entire life.

Unknown: 00:04:39

So if you look at it again, the unconscious yeah the unconscious

Unknown: 00:04:43

I would say inner voids okay, right this stuff that I I

Unknown: 00:04:49

assumed nice cars money, beautiful partner. I assumed

Unknown: 00:04:55

fitness right being having a nice body. I assumed all of that

Unknown: 00:04:58

would fix the intern. Little stuff that I had going on.

Alan Carroll: 00:05:02

So there was something missing internally.

Alan Carroll: 00:05:06

And then you thought based on the world in which we live the

Alan Carroll: 00:05:10

acquiring of physical objects that will make people happy, and

Alan Carroll: 00:05:15

you began to acquire the physical objects. And now you're

Alan Carroll: 00:05:18

saying, You know what, Alan, I acquired a lot of great physical

Alan Carroll: 00:05:21

objects, and didn't change the stuff inside of my inside of me.

Unknown: 00:05:26

Yes, yeah. When I was when I was 25, I had, I was

Unknown: 00:05:31

making anywhere from 60 to $120 an hour, depending on where I

Unknown: 00:05:35

was working and what the contract was. My girlfriend at

Unknown: 00:05:38

the time was a model. I had just competed in and won a

Unknown: 00:05:41

bodybuilding show. I had a sports car and new apartment,

Unknown: 00:05:45

health, wealth and love, everything seemed right, it

Unknown: 00:05:49

seemed like it was overflowing. But my girlfriend ended up

Unknown: 00:05:53

leaving me. And I had to figure out what all that meant. Work

Unknown: 00:05:59

got slow, and I was struggling financially. The next year was

Unknown: 00:06:03

the most abundant year I've ever had in terms of finances. But I

Unknown: 00:06:07

still ended up sitting on the edge of a bed contemplating

Unknown: 00:06:09

suicide the year after that. So you can see that there was in

Unknown: 00:06:13

the beginning, I don't think there was a lot of hope for

Unknown: 00:06:16

Kevin didn't go to college was doing a lot of odd jobs, trying

Unknown: 00:06:19

to figure out life, got a really good job and got a lot of

Unknown: 00:06:22

significance. So I'm starting to trend upward, then I start to

Unknown: 00:06:26

trend down because my mental health is is suffering. So I

Unknown: 00:06:29

ended up leaving that job in 2018. And going full time into

Unknown: 00:06:33

podcasting. And here we are almost seven years later, and or

Unknown: 00:06:39

six years later. And that's what I do every single day, so that

Unknown: 00:06:42

the real big attractions in my life, were growing up without a

Unknown: 00:06:45

dad trying to figure out what that that really means not going

Unknown: 00:06:49

to college, and dealing with the judgment that potentially would

Unknown: 00:06:52

come with that. And then really acquiring everything I assumed

Unknown: 00:06:56

would make me feel whole internally, realizing it didn't

Unknown: 00:07:01

losing all of it. Just to regain all and more plus, becoming more

Unknown: 00:07:09

self aware, becoming more fulfilled, which is a word I

Unknown: 00:07:12

love to use, and understanding that the external and the

Unknown: 00:07:15

internal world are connected. But I think all things

Unknown: 00:07:19

considered the internal world is probably more important. Because

Unknown: 00:07:23

when you work on the internal, you can create external,

Unknown: 00:07:26

external doesn't come internal, I don't think I don't really

Unknown: 00:07:29

think it works like that, at least for me.

Alan Carroll: 00:07:32

Yeah, the, it's often it's been said that the

Alan Carroll: 00:07:39

what you think inside your mind and what you see out in the

Alan Carroll: 00:07:42

world at the same thing. And if you can alter the thinking,

Alan Carroll: 00:07:47

inside your mind, though, the movie that you watch on the

Alan Carroll: 00:07:51

outside is going to match perfectly with what you think.

Alan Carroll: 00:07:55

And so by looking at the internal, which is the journey

Alan Carroll: 00:07:59

of mindfulness, then you begin to start to explore. So let's

Alan Carroll: 00:08:05

talk about the things that you feel you don't feel balanced.

Alan Carroll: 00:08:10

You feel you don't feel happy. You physical objects, don't do

Alan Carroll: 00:08:17

it. And so then you start your journey. You start with mine, we

Alan Carroll: 00:08:21

start with podcasting. And how did you when you chose the path

Alan Carroll: 00:08:28

of podcasting? What about the self awareness piece? What about

Alan Carroll: 00:08:32

the mindfulness piece of how did you know fall into that one?

Unknown: 00:08:37

Yeah, it's, it's very unique. So the name of my

Unknown: 00:08:40

podcast when I first started, it was called the hyper conscious

Unknown: 00:08:43

podcast, acutely aware, I want to know everything about myself.

Unknown: 00:08:48

And it came from this, the year that I made the most money, I

Unknown: 00:08:53

was opening my final pay stub of the year, and I cracked it open,

Unknown: 00:08:56

I made $100,000 at 26, with no college degree, expectation, I'm

Unknown: 00:09:01

gonna feel amazing, this is gonna be great. Nothing changed.

Unknown: 00:09:04

So I said to myself valid for most of my life, especially this

Unknown: 00:09:08

year, I have to live I've lived unconsciously. I don't know why

Unknown: 00:09:12

I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm just kind of going through the

Unknown: 00:09:13

motions. The opposite of unconscious is hyper conscious.

Unknown: 00:09:17

That's where that all came from. And then I started a podcast

Unknown: 00:09:19

called The Hyper conscious podcast, and I became obsessed

Unknown: 00:09:22

with understanding myself at a deeper level. And it all started

Unknown: 00:09:25

with me asking myself why, why am I afraid of this? Why am I

Unknown: 00:09:30

attracted to this? Why do I feel safe around this type of person?

Unknown: 00:09:34

Why do I feel intimidated around this type of person? It just

Unknown: 00:09:37

started with me trying to figure out it was almost like I was

Unknown: 00:09:40

troubleshooting myself. Why is this not working? Why is this

Unknown: 00:09:44

working? For context? When when I logged on, you said your audio

Unknown: 00:09:49

sounds really good. We've been having a lot of audio issues. I

Unknown: 00:09:53

don't have the awareness to understand why it's happening. I

Unknown: 00:09:56

don't know why yet. I can't figure it out. I can't reverse

Unknown: 00:09:58

engineer how to fix it. So I was really troubleshooting my life

Unknown: 00:10:02

and saying, Okay, what's, what's working what's not. And I want

Unknown: 00:10:07

to add to a lot of the things I had did bring me momentary bouts

Unknown: 00:10:12

of happiness, but they never brought me sustainable levels of

Unknown: 00:10:15

fulfillment. And I think those are things that we often get

Unknown: 00:10:18

confused. I bought a brand new car recently, and I cried

Unknown: 00:10:22

driving off the lot, because I was so grateful. And I proved

Unknown: 00:10:25

myself right. And I was so proud of myself, fulfill me, it

Unknown: 00:10:30

doesn't change the being and the character of who Kevin is, and

Unknown: 00:10:33

it's not something I'm going to, it's going to change me

Unknown: 00:10:36

sustainably forever. It does bring me bouts of happiness,

Unknown: 00:10:39

when I get in it, I love it. What fulfills me is working

Unknown: 00:10:42

really hard towards a meaningful mission, and doing back to back

Unknown: 00:10:45

to back to back podcasts all day, because I believe I'm doing

Unknown: 00:10:49

what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm growing and contributing

Unknown: 00:10:51

towards something far greater than myself. So I do think

Unknown: 00:10:55

external things can bring momentary bouts of happiness, I

Unknown: 00:10:58

think fulfillment is the inner game that a lot of us are

Unknown: 00:11:01

looking for.

Alan Carroll: 00:11:04

I liked the idea of finding a path in which you

Alan Carroll: 00:11:10

get to contribute and be of service to others. And it seems

Alan Carroll: 00:11:15

like when you give something out, the feeling that you get is

Alan Carroll: 00:11:20

fulfillment, the taking things and putting it in, and not not

Alan Carroll: 00:11:25

much fulfillment like the car and the people and the goods.

Alan Carroll: 00:11:28

And that but there's something about finding a purpose in life

Alan Carroll: 00:11:33

that's greater than the acquisition of material goods,

Alan Carroll: 00:11:37

that is more of a spiritual conversation of how can we, you

Alan Carroll: 00:11:43

know, get people out of the dungeons of their, of their mind

Alan Carroll: 00:11:50

and to the light of heaven, if you wanted to use those, those

Alan Carroll: 00:11:55

terms. And so, hyper consciousness, mindfulness, a

Alan Carroll: 00:12:05

way of looking at mindfulness is being aware of what's there.

Alan Carroll: 00:12:14

Without being hooked by what's there, you're able to see what's

Alan Carroll: 00:12:22

there. And to me in mindfulness business, that's called the

Alan Carroll: 00:12:27

witness or the observer of, of what So, and it sounds as though

Alan Carroll: 00:12:35

you have achieved clearly that state of consciousness, where

Alan Carroll: 00:12:39

you have developed the witness and the observer point of view,

Alan Carroll: 00:12:43

is that true? Ah, so

Unknown: 00:12:46

work. And I have, I have moments for Leto that way.

Unknown: 00:12:51

But I'm working. There's a lot of, there's a lot of behind the

Unknown: 00:12:56

scenes that you didn't notice. It looks really cool. And I'm a

Unknown: 00:13:01

podcaster, I podcast for a living, I have a very big

Unknown: 00:13:03

business and luckily, also passed it often. When it comes

Unknown: 00:13:07

to mindfulness. When it comes to self awareness. I had a moment

Unknown: 00:13:09

today Island, where I, I had a moment today where I was getting

Unknown: 00:13:14

out of the shower, and I had eight minutes before my first

Unknown: 00:13:16

meeting. And I noticed how quickly I was putting on my

Unknown: 00:13:19

shirt and putting on my deodorant putting on my cologne.

Unknown: 00:13:22

And I said, Kev, just take a second here, take a breath and

Unknown: 00:13:25

just put your shirt on like a normal day. Because what you're

Unknown: 00:13:29

doing is you're creating more anxiety for yourself by whipping

Unknown: 00:13:32

around the house, trying to get things done super fast. Walk at

Unknown: 00:13:36

a normal pace, put your shirt on, put your deodorant on,

Unknown: 00:13:39

you're going to create more anxiety and more uncertainty by

Unknown: 00:13:42

showing up in the way you're showing up. That was a really

Unknown: 00:13:45

important piece of mindfulness to me. But I have moments where

Unknown: 00:13:49

it's not that simple for sure.

Alan Carroll: 00:13:51

Well, let's just talk about that. Because the the

Alan Carroll: 00:13:57

it mindfulness is as simple as noticing that I put my button

Alan Carroll: 00:14:06

twice. Why did it take me twice because I wasn't there the first

Alan Carroll: 00:14:11

time. If I'm there, the first time only takes one time to

Alan Carroll: 00:14:15

button. And that that's a great example of an easy stuff of

Alan Carroll: 00:14:21

mindfulness is not the mountain the 20 years with the guru in

Alan Carroll: 00:14:26

India and the Himalayas. Mindfulness is Oh, noticing it

Alan Carroll: 00:14:32

took me twice to button the shirt. And, and that was a

Alan Carroll: 00:14:38

beautiful, easy way of describing that observation. To

Alan Carroll: 00:14:45

be able to witness the fact that I am rushing. And as soon as you

Alan Carroll: 00:14:50

can witness it, you can then have another voice that that

Alan Carroll: 00:14:56

takes command and tells you Hey Kev, hey chill, baby. It's okay.

Alan Carroll: 00:15:00

All right, just take a breath get go. resettle, resettle

Alan Carroll: 00:15:06

resettle. resettles. Ah, okay. All right. And you still made

Alan Carroll: 00:15:12

the meeting. That that that is definitely hyper consciousness.

Alan Carroll: 00:15:17

Thank you. You're so used to that. That's, that's what hybrid

Alan Carroll: 00:15:20

consciousness means. And that's exactly what, what I believe

Alan Carroll: 00:15:24

mindfulness is about. Likewise.

Unknown: 00:15:26

And I wonder, I think one of the keys to mindfulness

Unknown: 00:15:32

is understanding your ego. Because it's very hard to be

Unknown: 00:15:37

mindful. Without being vulnerable with yourself. It's

Unknown: 00:15:43

it's a challenge. And I think the other thing too, is part of

Unknown: 00:15:46

mindfulness is understanding your reactions and responses to

Unknown: 00:15:49

people, places, things, ideas and feelings. Right, I think

Unknown: 00:15:52

that's one of the one of my favorite stories out and this is

Unknown: 00:15:55

one of the things that shifted me forever. My business partner,

Unknown: 00:15:59

myself, and one of our friends, we were working out, we were

Unknown: 00:16:02

down in Florida for an event that we were co hosting with one

Unknown: 00:16:05

of my friends. And in the gym, I've spent a decade more than a

Unknown: 00:16:10

decade working out. So I feel very confident, very centered,

Unknown: 00:16:13

I'm very certain. So 10 out of 10 confident at the end, we

Unknown: 00:16:17

finish our workout, we sit down in this gym, and we're having

Unknown: 00:16:20

conversation about business. And I had all this stuff come up. I

Unknown: 00:16:24

was like, these two guys are eat, they just have an ego. And

Unknown: 00:16:27

they're arrogant when it comes to business, and I don't like

Unknown: 00:16:29

them. I don't like them right now. And I sat there. And I

Unknown: 00:16:33

said, Is this a me problem? Or is this a them problem? And I

Unknown: 00:16:36

kept sitting with it. I didn't want to answer it. I didn't want

Unknown: 00:16:39

to sit with that. But what I came with was, they are far more

Unknown: 00:16:42

certain than I am when it comes to business. And rather than

Unknown: 00:16:47

admitting that being vulnerable, I'm making them wrong. I'm

Unknown: 00:16:50

villainizing them so I don't have to see the actual truth.

Unknown: 00:16:53

And that was a moment that pivoted a lot for me. And it

Unknown: 00:16:57

brought a lot of realization that the way much do what you

Unknown: 00:17:01

said the beginning, the way I see people is, a lot of that is

Unknown: 00:17:06

because when I'm feeling inside, and if I'm feeling uncertain, I

Unknown: 00:17:09

might say Alan is making me feel uncertain. That's not

Unknown: 00:17:11

necessarily true. And then I might treat Alan a certain way,

Unknown: 00:17:14

and he'll treat me away back and That'll lock in that belief,

Unknown: 00:17:19

self awareness, mindfulness, intentionality, I think are just

Unknown: 00:17:24

as big when it comes to other people, when it comes to other

Unknown: 00:17:29

stimuli. Really, because when you're with yourself, you can

Unknown: 00:17:33

take a second and sit when there's people around you, it's

Unknown: 00:17:35

really, it's really important and challenging to be able to do

Unknown: 00:17:38

it in real time. That's a that's an another layer of hyper

Unknown: 00:17:41

consciousness really

Alan Carroll: 00:17:46

real time in the moment, the ability to wake up

Alan Carroll: 00:17:59

and realize that you were asleep. is what I hear you

Alan Carroll: 00:18:05

talking about. And the the waking up process, you have to

Alan Carroll: 00:18:11

let go of something. And what you talk about was, oh, those

Alan Carroll: 00:18:19

those guys all ego. And you were painting that picture in your

Alan Carroll: 00:18:25

mind, and son of a gun, you can see that's all ego see those

Alan Carroll: 00:18:28

people the tone of voice? The way they're acting? It's all

Alan Carroll: 00:18:31

legal. I'm right. I'm right. And then you said yourself? Is there

Alan Carroll: 00:18:37

a? Is it a them? Or are you issue? Is it me? Is that what

Alan Carroll: 00:18:42

that does? Then you have the realization, self realization

Alan Carroll: 00:18:50

that the paintbrush is in your hand. And you can paint it any

Alan Carroll: 00:18:56

way you want. And so you realize that you had to let go of being

Alan Carroll: 00:19:02

right, which is the ego and the thoughts. And you began to paint

Alan Carroll: 00:19:07

another picture in your mind that these people, maybe they do

Alan Carroll: 00:19:10

know something and maybe they do have knowledge, maybe they

Alan Carroll: 00:19:13

aren't confident maybe they have earned more than I have. Maybe

Alan Carroll: 00:19:16

they have earned the right to speak and maybe they have more

Alan Carroll: 00:19:19

credibility. So maybe I need to be more humble and let go and

Alan Carroll: 00:19:23

listen and open myself up and embrace that negative ego thing

Alan Carroll: 00:19:30

you're talking about and realize it's it's a gift from God. It's

Alan Carroll: 00:19:33

not it's not a negative ego. It's a self realization that you

Alan Carroll: 00:19:37

discovered in your own reality. The whole idea you were

Alan Carroll: 00:19:41

projecting and you don't have to do that.

Unknown: 00:19:44

Yeah, my ego was trying to protect me from the truth and

Unknown: 00:19:47

I didn't understand I was ready for you. And I think that's

Unknown: 00:19:50

that's what our ego does. I mean, my wife and I have some

Unknown: 00:19:53

really challenging conversations at time and my egos there. It's

Unknown: 00:19:57

like it's waiting. It's like, Ah, you could say this. You

Unknown: 00:19:59

could Say this and you wouldn't have to get to the root of the

Unknown: 00:20:01

truth. And you could walk away and be a great conversation. But

Unknown: 00:20:04

you have to say is that is that what's best is that what's best

Unknown: 00:20:07

for this conversation is that what's best for my relationship,

Unknown: 00:20:10

ego plays, it's important, it's important to have an ego that

Unknown: 00:20:13

keeps you safe at times. But there are certain people you can

Unknown: 00:20:16

be vulnerable around. And you'll also find, if you use your ego,

Unknown: 00:20:20

the negative pieces with those people, your relationships are

Unknown: 00:20:23

not going to flourish at the level they could the people you

Unknown: 00:20:26

can be the most vulnerable around. One of the reasons why

Unknown: 00:20:30

is because you don't need your ego because you feel safe. Those

Unknown: 00:20:33

are also probably some of the best relationships we have, I

Unknown: 00:20:35

always say the level of your relationship is directly

Unknown: 00:20:38

connected to the level of vulnerability in it. I feel like

Unknown: 00:20:41

you and I would have a really good friendship behind the

Unknown: 00:20:44

scenes because I think we can be very vulnerable with each other.

Unknown: 00:20:46

I feel very safe here that I don't have there's no ego.

Unknown: 00:20:49

There's no protectors for me right now. But if you were

Unknown: 00:20:52

somebody who is toxic, it wouldn't be that way. If I was

Unknown: 00:20:54

somebody who was toxic, it wouldn't be that way. We would

Unknown: 00:20:57

have our egos up to keep us safe to protect us. So yeah, the ego

Unknown: 00:21:01

is a very unique, deep thing to think about and talk about.

Alan Carroll: 00:21:07

Well, it's part of the game, of course, you go is

Alan Carroll: 00:21:10

one of the words that is used to describe something that is the

Alan Carroll: 00:21:15

source of suffering. And the being, or the mindfulness of the

Alan Carroll: 00:21:19

Spirit, is something that we use to describe where you want to

Alan Carroll: 00:21:23

get to. And so then how do you move from the ego identity to

Alan Carroll: 00:21:29

the being identity or the god like consciousness. And what

Alan Carroll: 00:21:33

you've what you've said is my observation is, it's simply to

Alan Carroll: 00:21:38

observe the thoughts that are creating the tension in your

Alan Carroll: 00:21:41

body. And ask yourself is this tension in my body, something

Alan Carroll: 00:21:46

that I think is good to me or not, and making angry and upset

Alan Carroll: 00:21:52

at you is causing tension in my body. So maybe I should stop

Alan Carroll: 00:21:57

causing tension in my body and start vibrating the air with

Alan Carroll: 00:22:01

more love and see what happens. And so you've made a shift,

Alan Carroll: 00:22:05

unconscious, which is one of the benefits of mindfulness is you

Alan Carroll: 00:22:09

now have in front of you, choice. And so you've reached a

Alan Carroll: 00:22:15

level of awareness in which you can now choose Not that you

Alan Carroll: 00:22:19

always make the right choice, right. But the way, the way

Alan Carroll: 00:22:22

you're speaking is that you have enough binoculars of the

Alan Carroll: 00:22:25

situation in front of you that you're able to make a spiritual

Alan Carroll: 00:22:29

choice, a loving choice, a compassionate choice, an

Alan Carroll: 00:22:32

empathetic choice, rather than an ego, right? I'm Ron united,

Alan Carroll: 00:22:36

you need to take that kind of choice. And boy, which which is

Alan Carroll: 00:22:41

which one is no suffering. Well, the one in which you let go, no

Alan Carroll: 00:22:46

suffering there, the suffering is ran. Boy, that's really

Alan Carroll: 00:22:51

exciting that I'm talking to somebody who, who who is who's

Alan Carroll: 00:22:54

in that one. And I appreciate it and is who who understand you

Alan Carroll: 00:22:59

fire the bullet, but but there's a recoil. So if you fire a

Alan Carroll: 00:23:02

bullet, make it a love bullet. You don't need to make a

Alan Carroll: 00:23:05

negative bullet because that that ricochets back and hurt

Alan Carroll: 00:23:08

you.

Unknown: 00:23:10

It's, it's definitely a challenging road. It's

Unknown: 00:23:13

definitely a challenging road, when we'll make this full

Unknown: 00:23:16

circle. I met my dad when I was 27. That was the first time I

Unknown: 00:23:20

ever met my father. So I got a, I was sitting on my couch in New

Unknown: 00:23:23

Hampshire. And I got a message on Facebook and went to this

Unknown: 00:23:26

private folder for people that you're not friends with. I

Unknown: 00:23:28

didn't even know it existed. So I opened this message and it

Unknown: 00:23:32

said, Hey, Kev, I'm blank. I'm your father's girlfriend. And I

Unknown: 00:23:35

remember throwing my phone on the floor and saying absolutely

Unknown: 00:23:38

not. We are not doing this today. This is not happening

Unknown: 00:23:40

today. It's the weekend. Nope, not going to do it. Then I got

Unknown: 00:23:44

curious, and I picked up my phone. And it said, Hey, Kev,

Unknown: 00:23:47

I'm blank, um, your father's girlfriend. Your father is

Unknown: 00:23:50

seeing you on Facebook. And he is very proud of you. And if you

Unknown: 00:23:54

would like the opportunity to meet he would love that. And I

Unknown: 00:23:57

remember thinking Absolutely not. This is not ever going to

Unknown: 00:24:01

happen. But I sat with it. I sat with it. I sat with it. The

Unknown: 00:24:04

reason I didn't want to do it is because I was afraid. I had said

Unknown: 00:24:07

so many negative things about this person because I never

Unknown: 00:24:10

thought I was gonna meet him. I never thought this opportunity

Unknown: 00:24:12

was gonna present itself. So I have said some bad things, some

Unknown: 00:24:14

negative things, some, some not so nice things. And I remember I

Unknown: 00:24:19

texted one of my friends and I said my my dad reached out. And

Unknown: 00:24:22

they said, Are you gonna go see him? And I said, Yeah, I have

Unknown: 00:24:24

to. I know it's a knowing I have to I know this is a big part of

Unknown: 00:24:29

the man you see in front of you. I have to figure this out. So I

Unknown: 00:24:32

met my dad, we got lunch at this diner. And when I was sitting

Unknown: 00:24:36

across from him, and I don't mean this to sound negative. I

Unknown: 00:24:40

looked at somebody who I had given so much power to so much

Unknown: 00:24:46

opera, much of my beings who energetically and I had

Unknown: 00:24:52

villainized him so much but he was not self aware. He was not

Unknown: 00:24:56

well developed. He was like a child to me and that It allowed

Unknown: 00:25:00

me to understand that number one, I can forgive this person,

Unknown: 00:25:04

not for him. But for me, let me forgive him because he didn't

Unknown: 00:25:07

know any better. I'm more developed than him and I'm 27

Unknown: 00:25:10

years old, I'm way more developed than he is, I can be

Unknown: 00:25:14

the bigger man and I can let this go. So one, let me Forgive

Unknown: 00:25:17

him, not for him for me. And to let me understand that the

Unknown: 00:25:22

person I have given all this power to create darkness over my

Unknown: 00:25:25

life for the last 27 years, doesn't deserve it is incapable

Unknown: 00:25:29

of it. When I left that day, I was a different man, you bet.

Unknown: 00:25:33

Sure, I was a free man. And I felt empowered. And I felt like

Unknown: 00:25:37

things had gaps had closed that I needed closed. So that's

Unknown: 00:25:42

another mindfulness self awareness thing. Oftentimes we

Unknown: 00:25:46

get, we get pings, we get knocks, we get downloads,

Unknown: 00:25:49

whatever you want to call them. And they're things that are

Unknown: 00:25:52

going to scare us a lot. Oftentimes, the things that

Unknown: 00:25:56

scare you the most are also the things that are going to create

Unknown: 00:25:58

the most the most growth. And that is one of the things that

Unknown: 00:26:02

one of the hardest things I've ever done by far was go see my

Unknown: 00:26:05

dad, it was also probably not coincidentally, one of the

Unknown: 00:26:08

things that facilitated the most amount of growth in my life. And

Unknown: 00:26:12

that's just another example of mindfulness, self awareness,

Unknown: 00:26:14

being brave, courage, whatever you want to label it as

Alan Carroll: 00:26:19

the eye, the face to face, the fear. And the death

Alan Carroll: 00:26:29

of fear is certain is one of the mantras. And so you face the

Alan Carroll: 00:26:35

fear of meeting your father. And, and what you discovered in

Alan Carroll: 00:26:44

meeting your father was that you lived in a, a hallucination

Alan Carroll: 00:26:51

about your father, and you live there and write my father,

Alan Carroll: 00:26:55

that's the way it is. And then when you actually saw your

Alan Carroll: 00:27:00

father, you still, you still sort of tried to paint him the

Alan Carroll: 00:27:05

way you want him to be in order for the ego to be satisfied that

Alan Carroll: 00:27:09

all right, all of a sudden, your father, he didn't show up that

Alan Carroll: 00:27:13

way. And so you, you had to break down something, he had to

Alan Carroll: 00:27:18

knock something down, which which, which in my world, we

Alan Carroll: 00:27:24

call that a big grievance, a big piece of crap that you carry on

Alan Carroll: 00:27:29

your back. And when you forgave your father, you were released.

Alan Carroll: 00:27:37

And all that energy that were you were using, to keep that

Alan Carroll: 00:27:41

grievance alive, is now available, to do more of God's

Alan Carroll: 00:27:46

work. And so you are just like, it's like being baptized. So you

Alan Carroll: 00:27:51

are, it's almost like a baptism of is such a tremendous shift in

Alan Carroll: 00:27:56

awareness. It's like, wow, that's a that's a, it's another

Alan Carroll: 00:27:59

great example of a great milestone. And, and you are

Alan Carroll: 00:28:05

willing to die. Almost the feeling of death is like you,

Alan Carroll: 00:28:09

you let go you open up, I take me, take me I give up and employ

Alan Carroll: 00:28:18

the what you harvest. The fruit of that was like, oh, Alton,

Alan Carroll: 00:28:24

you're not the man, you were. Yeah. And

Unknown: 00:28:27

it taught me a lot about fear to a lot of the

Unknown: 00:28:29

things that I'm afraid of, I feel amazing after I do them

Unknown: 00:28:33

speaking on stage, I'm very confident as a podcast, I've

Unknown: 00:28:36

done so many episodes, I haven't done 1500 speeches. So when I

Unknown: 00:28:39

get on stage, it is like oh my goodness, this is the most

Unknown: 00:28:43

vulnerable thing in the world. But afterwards, I always feel so

Unknown: 00:28:46

good. It, that's another thing we I think a lot of us are

Unknown: 00:28:50

creating our fears we're creating, what happens is we

Unknown: 00:28:54

create a fear, I could never be a public speaker. And then every

Unknown: 00:28:57

opportunity we have to face that fear, we avoid it. So we

Unknown: 00:28:59

actually build the fear bigger and bigger and bigger and

Unknown: 00:29:02

bigger. And I say this all the time, anybody, whether you're

Unknown: 00:29:06

watching or listening, you could be a podcaster like I am and get

Unknown: 00:29:08

to 1500 episodes, but you just got to go through the first 300

Unknown: 00:29:12

episodes of suck, where you're just not going to be that good.

Unknown: 00:29:15

I was terrible for the first 150 I was not confident I didn't

Unknown: 00:29:17

believe in myself. But I kept going, I kept going, I kept

Unknown: 00:29:20

going. I think that's just the journey of life when you ride a

Unknown: 00:29:23

bike for the first time, unless you're just a natural. You got

Unknown: 00:29:28

your training wheels on and you're just trying to figure it

Unknown: 00:29:30

out. The problem is later in life we forget about the

Unknown: 00:29:33

humility it took to put the training wheels on. I don't want

Unknown: 00:29:37

to put training wheels on now but sometimes you have to and

Unknown: 00:29:40

that's okay, you're gonna make more progress because of it. So,

Unknown: 00:29:43

tapping into the ego yet again.

Alan Carroll: 00:29:47

Ego is flying around all over the place. Of

Alan Carroll: 00:29:49

course, everywhere. You You You said a an important couple of

Alan Carroll: 00:29:57

words in the mindfulness space. This one, you said, you were

Alan Carroll: 00:30:01

able to shift a reaction to a response to the event that is in

Alan Carroll: 00:30:09

front of you. And let's just let's, let's use that as our

Alan Carroll: 00:30:13

last sort of question. And then we'll find out, you know how we

Alan Carroll: 00:30:17

can meet you and connect with you. So give us your sense about

Alan Carroll: 00:30:23

the differences and how do you do it and what it is and

Alan Carroll: 00:30:26

reacting versus responding.

Unknown: 00:30:30

I have analogy, I call it pinball. So my wife and I

Unknown: 00:30:35

will have a challenging conversation. She'll say

Unknown: 00:30:38

something, I might get triggered. And I all in my mind,

Unknown: 00:30:42

it's pinball, I want to take my thought, I want to bounce it off

Unknown: 00:30:44

that wall off that wall off that wall off that flipper off that

Unknown: 00:30:48

thing off that thing. And let me just knock some of this dust

Unknown: 00:30:50

off. Because oftentimes, the first thing we say is not the

Unknown: 00:30:53

truth. The first thing we say is the safest thing. It's the

Unknown: 00:30:56

trigger thing. It's the ego thing. It's the punch you back

Unknown: 00:31:01

thing, it's to get a jab and not to get the truth in. So for me,

Unknown: 00:31:06

reacting is just unconscious. When it maybe this has happened.

Unknown: 00:31:11

Whether you're watching, you're listening, when I drop a knife

Unknown: 00:31:14

off the counter, my natural reaction is to put my foot out

Unknown: 00:31:18

to try to catch it. Not good. Not good. Not a good not a good

Unknown: 00:31:21

idea. I that's just the way I am if I if something's falling, I

Unknown: 00:31:25

try to catch it. It's just a natural human response for me.

Unknown: 00:31:28

That's a response. It's unconscious. I'm not thinking

Unknown: 00:31:31

about it. If I was thinking about it, I would never do it.

Unknown: 00:31:33

That's a terrible idea. A reaction is conscious. A

Unknown: 00:31:37

reaction is me consciously saying, Oh, that thing is

Unknown: 00:31:40

falling. Oh, that's a knife, it's going to be fine. If it

Unknown: 00:31:42

hits the floor, it is going to be fine. Now, if we were to take

Unknown: 00:31:47

that a layer deeper, I have two cats. I love my cats. I'm the

Unknown: 00:31:50

ultimate cat Dad, I'm branding myself that way. If one of my

Unknown: 00:31:54

cats was standing under the knife, my reaction and my

Unknown: 00:31:58

response would probably be the same. One would be unconscious,

Unknown: 00:32:01

I'm not thinking about the cats, the other would be hyper

Unknown: 00:32:04

conscious, I am thinking about the cats. I'd rather take a

Unknown: 00:32:07

knife in the foot and one of them take a knife in the head,

Unknown: 00:32:09

I'll heal a lot quicker than they will. I think a reaction is

Unknown: 00:32:14

unconscious. And oftentimes, I don't want to say, Yeah,

Unknown: 00:32:21

triggered is probably the best word. A response is thought of a

Unknown: 00:32:27

response is what you do when you get an email, you respond. You

Unknown: 00:32:31

don't react, you respond, you take time. That's why emails are

Unknown: 00:32:34

usually written with a lot of length, rather than saying, hey,

Unknown: 00:32:38

screw you, you write something out? Hey, Alan, I got your

Unknown: 00:32:41

email. And the way I felt when you said blank, or I know you

Unknown: 00:32:45

want to get the project done for this amount of time.

Unknown: 00:32:47

Unfortunately, we can't do it. When my reaction is no, we could

Unknown: 00:32:51

never do that. My response is this is more of my truth. So I

Unknown: 00:32:56

like to think of the response is more conscious. And a reaction

Unknown: 00:32:59

is kind of just the first thing that comes to your mind, even

Unknown: 00:33:02

though it's not always the serving thing that comes to your

Unknown: 00:33:04

mind.

Alan Carroll: 00:33:06

You, you mentioned that the time, you now have time

Alan Carroll: 00:33:16

to think about how you want to respond versus that automatic

Alan Carroll: 00:33:20

reaction based on your conditioning. How do you create

Alan Carroll: 00:33:24

the time? How do you become that conscious? Because most people,

Alan Carroll: 00:33:29

it's an automatic reaction. Yeah, they're saying, I noticed

Alan Carroll: 00:33:33

the automatic reaction. But I'm able to stay present, and then

Alan Carroll: 00:33:38

shifted over to respond. How did you develop that time piece?

Unknown: 00:33:43

Ask for it. Especially if you're communicating with

Unknown: 00:33:46

someone just say, Hey, can I have a minute to process that

Unknown: 00:33:49

that started for me? I don't know what I want to say yet. So

Unknown: 00:33:52

I need to figure out what I want to say because and also after a

Unknown: 00:33:57

certain amount of time you start to figure out oh, yeah, every

Unknown: 00:34:00

time I have a disagreement with someone, I just say the first

Unknown: 00:34:02

thing that comes to my mind, and I don't know it's not working.

Unknown: 00:34:04

It just doesn't seem to be working very well for me. So I

Unknown: 00:34:09

always try to give credit to the people around me. I'm surrounded

Unknown: 00:34:11

by a lot of amazing people. My wife's amazing. So I can say to

Unknown: 00:34:15

her, or she can say to me, Hey, I need a minute. I need a

Unknown: 00:34:18

minute. And she'll walk away or I'll walk away and I'll figure

Unknown: 00:34:21

out and process and we'll come back and we'll meet at a more

Unknown: 00:34:24

complex. So I would say that having the right people around

Unknown: 00:34:29

is one of the best cheat codes for life because it makes

Unknown: 00:34:31

everything a little bit easier. Having the wrong people around

Unknown: 00:34:35

is something very challenging because it makes everything a

Unknown: 00:34:37

little bit harder, unfortunately. So I would say it

Unknown: 00:34:40

starts with that when it comes to people. And a lot of it is

Unknown: 00:34:45

just internal dialogue. When I Oh, I think about everything.

Unknown: 00:34:49

I'm always thinking about stuff. Always. I was dating a young

Unknown: 00:34:53

lady one time and she said Kevin, you think too much. And I

Unknown: 00:34:55

was like this isn't gonna work. Because I do I think a lot I

Unknown: 00:34:58

don't think I think too much I think I think a lot. I think

Unknown: 00:35:01

that's good. So just becoming familiar with what your inner

Unknown: 00:35:05

dialogue is, right now the inner dialogue that I'm working

Unknown: 00:35:08

through, is, I tend to say no by default. So my wife will say,

Unknown: 00:35:14

Hey, are you able to blink? And I won't think about, I'll just

Unknown: 00:35:16

say, No, I'm too busy. I have 12 calls that I'm too busy. I'm

Unknown: 00:35:20

working on reformulating that, too, that is me that has a

Unknown: 00:35:25

trauma response. I'm overwhelmed. I say no, no more.

Unknown: 00:35:27

I can't do any more. Don't put it on my plate. But I also

Unknown: 00:35:30

understand she doesn't feel heard when I do that. I'm not

Unknown: 00:35:33

even hearing I'm just saying no. Hey, Kev, can you know, can? So

Unknown: 00:35:38

that's something I'm working on right now.

Alan Carroll: 00:35:41

It's, it's a game, I think everybody on the

Alan Carroll: 00:35:44

mindfulness path plays. It's the self aware, not self aware, self

Alan Carroll: 00:35:48

aware, not self aware. And when you want to increase your

Alan Carroll: 00:35:51

statistic of being aware in the moment, and most people are

Alan Carroll: 00:35:55

unaware, but they think they are aware, until you develop that

Alan Carroll: 00:36:01

the witness or the observer, and you're able to, to, to create

Alan Carroll: 00:36:06

the time, based on works doesn't work. You know, it doesn't work

Alan Carroll: 00:36:12

when I react so quickly. Why don't I shift that behavior? Let

Alan Carroll: 00:36:17

me let me figure out another strategy that I can use in that

Alan Carroll: 00:36:21

moment, I'm not sure what it is because I'm a beginner. So I'm

Alan Carroll: 00:36:24

going to make lots of mistakes. So you start to fumble, but you

Alan Carroll: 00:36:27

but you, you, you, you, you interrupt or disrupt the

Alan Carroll: 00:36:32

automaticity of the reaction, and that, that that short

Alan Carroll: 00:36:37

circuits, the the pattern, and then you then you You take the

Alan Carroll: 00:36:43

red pill, and you wake up from the pattern that you didn't even

Alan Carroll: 00:36:47

know you were in. And so that is allows you to be still in the

Alan Carroll: 00:36:57

movie. And if you're still you have clarity about what's what

Alan Carroll: 00:37:02

would be the best choice, and most people are not still they

Alan Carroll: 00:37:08

are thinking and thought he's not to steal, their thoughts

Alan Carroll: 00:37:12

aren't still. And so there's constant reaction reaction

Alan Carroll: 00:37:15

reaction. So congratulations on achieving at a young age. And

Alan Carroll: 00:37:22

you get to practice see is like I get to practice it's a little

Alan Carroll: 00:37:27

further down the road, I get to practice every day awareness,

Alan Carroll: 00:37:30

awareness of the thoughts that I'm thinking, and telling myself

Alan Carroll: 00:37:36

is that thought healthy for me to get upset at, you know, let

Alan Carroll: 00:37:41

it go. So the we're going to we're going to complete this

Alan Carroll: 00:37:45

particular part of the conversation. And, but there's,

Alan Carroll: 00:37:50

there's, there's lots of other things that I would like to

Alan Carroll: 00:37:53

discuss at some future time. works for you. Okay, 100%.

Alan Carroll: 00:37:56

Because the forgive piece is a is a big piece of the game. And

Alan Carroll: 00:38:02

so we could devote a whole podcast just on forgiveness and

Alan Carroll: 00:38:05

what forgiveness is. I'm in it. I would like to give you an

Alan Carroll: 00:38:08

opportunity just to say whatever you'd like to say to complete?

Alan Carroll: 00:38:12

And also how do we connect with you? And all this will be in the

Alan Carroll: 00:38:17

show notes yet? Somebody will want read the show notes.

Alan Carroll: 00:38:20

Amazing. How can people connect with you?

Unknown: 00:38:23

Yeah, the last thing I would say is I think one of the

Unknown: 00:38:29

things that we struggle with the most as humans is we see where

Unknown: 00:38:32

someone is, and we assume they've been there forever. And

Unknown: 00:38:34

we see where we are and we assume will be there forever.

Unknown: 00:38:37

And you mentioned it time is a wonderful multiplier, or it's a

Unknown: 00:38:42

negative multiplier depends on what you're doing. So if you're

Unknown: 00:38:45

focused on being more self aware, give yourself a year.

Unknown: 00:38:48

More mindful, give yourself a year more patient, give yourself

Unknown: 00:38:53

a year, it adds up, it might not seem like on a day to day

Unknown: 00:38:56

anything is happening because it really isn't. But when you add

Unknown: 00:38:58

up one by 365, it adds up. So that would be my little closing

Unknown: 00:39:02

statement. And then yeah, if you want to check out our podcast,

Unknown: 00:39:05

it's called next level University. We do an episode

Unknown: 00:39:08

every single day on life, love health and wealth. That's our

Unknown: 00:39:11

brand in a nutshell. And if you have any questions for me,

Unknown: 00:39:15

whatever it may be feedback, anything, Kevin at next level

Unknown: 00:39:18

universe.com Is my email. I do my own email. So I'm happy to

Unknown: 00:39:22

hear from you and or assist and add value in any way I can.

Unknown: 00:39:26

Wonderful.

Alan Carroll: 00:39:27

Kevin, thank you very much for sharing with our

Alan Carroll: 00:39:31

audience, the your journey, and all the wonderful little stars

Alan Carroll: 00:39:37

and bright stars of insights, that that illuminated things for

Alan Carroll: 00:39:42

you along along that path of wonderful stories, powerful

Alan Carroll: 00:39:46

stories. I appreciate the the openness and the vulnerability

Alan Carroll: 00:39:50

of of sharing with our audience. Thank you very much.

Unknown: 00:39:52

Thank you, Alan. I appreciate you.

Alan Carroll: 00:39:54

You're welcome. Bye bye for now.