Why do some people shut down in relationships, while others cling tightly in fear of losing connection?

Attachment theory has long identified four core attachment strategies across the lifespan:

Secure → Secure

Anxious-Ambivalent → Preoccupied

Anxious-Avoidant → Dismissive

Disorganized → Unresolved/Dysregulated

(often referred to as fearful avoidant)

But what if “dismissive” and “preoccupied” are not simply personality styles… but adaptive responses to unresolved pain?

In my conversation with Carol George — a pioneer in attachment research — she introduces two profound branches that emerge from unresolved/dysregulated attachment:

Dismissive: Failed Mourning

Preoccupied: Suffering

This conversation explores attachment not as pathology, but as survival, not as weakness, but as the nervous system’s attempt to protect us from grief, fear, loss, and disconnection.

Resources:

• The Adult Attachment Projective Information (AAP)
• Tailoring Treatment to Attachment Patterns by Karen Pando-Mars
• Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World by Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley
• Therapistuncensored.com workshops and online courses

Connect with Dr. Carol George: Email: cygeorge@comcast.net

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individual therapy or professional mental health care.