We are fortunate to have with us the remarkably versatile Maria Riegger. Maria is a corporate attorney, astrologer, parenting coach, and author. Born under the sign of Gemini, Maria claims her head has always been in the clouds. As a kid, when she was bored, she would make up stories in her head and has been writing since she was about 13 years old. Today, her unique blend of sarcastic wit and resilient spirit shows through her parenting books as well as her gritty contemporary romance and romantic suspense novels.

In our conversation, we cover Maria's journey from “fine” to what lights her up now. She shares insight into how she replaced her command and control parenting style with a more compassionate approach centered on laughter, connection, and understanding the unique needs of her child. 

Did you know your birth chart can illuminate your unique energies? Maria shares how understanding these charts can enhance a parent's understanding of their child's distinctive energy patterns. Prepare for a thought-provoking exploration into creativity, inspiration, and the underestimated power of unscheduled, free time for both children and adults.

Maria’s hype song is Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey

Resources:

• lawschoolheretic.com
• YouTube: Positive Parenting with Astrology
• Video: Astrology and Parenting: How to Read your Child's Astrological Birth Chart Explained!

Of course, you can go to Zen Rabbit.com to get your copy of the short guide to working less living better - also known as The Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life. You may also be interested in a brand-new program called Staying Calm in Chaos. It’s 10 short, easily digestible audio sessions that walk you through how to go from being an overwhelmed high achiever to a calm, grounded, and centered person who has peace of mind no matter what. Comes with some awesome meditations and there’s a bunch of other cool stuff to go with it. Check that out at https://get.stayingcalminchaos.com/. 

Produced by Nova Media

Lori Saitz:

Welcome to FINE is a 4-Letter Word, the podcast that empowers you to say fuck being fine. Tired of being stuck in a place where you say everything's fine when it's really not fine at all. You're not alone. I'm your host, Laurie Sites. I've been there too, and so have my guests. Here's a secret. All it takes is a conscious decision to change and then restructure beliefs so your actions take you in the right direction. That's where FINE is a 4-Letter Word comes in. Each week, you'll hear inspiring stories from people who have transformed their lives and businesses and practical tips and takeaways to move you from spinning in place to forward action so you can create a life of joy. Thanks for tuning in. Let's get started. Hey there. Today's guest is the multi-talented Maria Riegger. Shout out to Anna Herman for introducing us. Maria is a corporate attorney, astrologer, parenting coach and author. Born under the sign of Gemini. Maria claims her head has always been in the clouds. As a kid, when she was bored, she would make up stories in her head and has been writing since she was about 13 years old. Today, her unique blend of sarcastic wit and resilient spirit percolates through her parenting books, as well as her gritty contemporary romance and romantic suspense novels. In her mid-thirties, Maria had a law degree, a good paying job in Washington, D.C., a partner and a child. From all outward accounts, she had made it, but she had a nagging sense of needing more. She found fulfillment in the creative outlet of writing fiction books. Then there came a moment when her son was 4 or 5 that Maria became acutely aware of the need to change her parenting style.

Lori Saitz:

Since she was not interested in following her own parents footsteps, she started studying childhood development. In today's episode, we delve into Maria's journey from fine to where she is now. She shares how birth charts can serve as a blueprint of an individual's energy and help parents understand their children's unique energies. And if you've ever wondered how to improve your parent child relationship, Maria's got an answer for you. We're talking about positive psychology, sources of creativity and inspiration, and the importance of unscheduled, unstructured time in both adults and children's lives. And, you know, I love getting into it. On the societal belief about constant productivity and success and diving into what works better. So let's get into it. Oh, but first, you know, you can go to Zen rabbit.com to get your copy of the Short Guide to Working Less and Living Better. Also known as the Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life. You may also be interested in a brand new program called Staying Calm in Chaos. It's ten short, easily digestible audio sessions that walk you through how to go from being an overwhelmed high achiever to a calm, grounded and centered person who has peace of mind no matter what. Comes with some awesome meditations and there's a bunch of other cool stuff to go with it. Check that out at Get Dot. Staying Calm in Chaos.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to another episode of FINE is a 4-Letter Word. My guest today is Maria Rieger. Welcome to the show, Maria.

Maria Riegger:

Thank you, Lori. Super excited to be here today.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, this is fantastic. And, you know, I was just about to say who introduced us, and my mind went totally blank.

Maria Riegger:

Oh, Anna Ermine.

Lori Saitz:

Oh, that's right, Anna. Okay. Yeah, right. So because Anna and I met from rock climbing. Indoor rock climbing. Yes, that's.

Maria Riegger:

Right. Yeah. She's a big fan of rock climbing.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, she's there a couple of times a week. And I was introduced to This is such a crazy story. I was introduced to someone through I met somebody through LinkedIn. I think I randomly reached out to her because she had badass in her title or something. And I'm like, Oh, I need to know this woman. And so we had a conversation D Dee. And then Dee Dee came out that I lived in the Washington DC metro area and she's like, Oh, you should meet my friend. And, and she introduced me to her. Then she and I had a conversation. We were just about to hang up and she said, Do you rock climb? I'm like, Never been before, but I think it would be fun. So she invited me to come to this group, which is where I met Anna.

Maria Riegger:

Wonderful. Love it.

Lori Saitz:

It's all about being open to new experiences and saying, Yes.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. That's tough for me as an introvert because I like my space and my own company. But like but just like you said, sometimes I'm like, you know, I'm not going to meet people or have these cool experiences, including meeting potential clients for my business, right? Unless I make time for this. So that's the trick, is to kind of balance your need for downtime with also the networking and being open to new experiences for sure.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, absolutely. Because I am an introvert too. Although nobody ever believes me when I say that because I am outgoing. But that's the thing. Introvert doesn't mean Wallflower hate other people. I'm a hermit. It just means I need my alone time too.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. I love one on one communicating like this. Like my issue is in a group where I'm forced to make small talk. I don't like that. I like to have meaningful conversations. And those are usually in like smaller groups or people who are open to those meaningful conversations. Right.

Lori Saitz:

Well, and you can do that in networking. This is a whole other conversation because I have yeah. Rereleased my my networking book, How to Feel Comfortable, Confident and Courageous at networking events. And it's aimed at people who would call themselves introverts but and how to get into those more in depth conversations in networking events. But let's not get sidetracked. Let's go back to you. And because I don't like.

Maria Riegger:

Talk about myself sometimes, Well, that's what.

Lori Saitz:

You're doing here on this podcast.

Maria Riegger:

I like like, I mean, I'm an attorney by day, so he kind of, by definition, like to hear ourselves speak. So that is true. But sometimes when you're put on the spot and there's a moment of like panic and then everything's okay.

Lori Saitz:

All right. Well, so that that's a perfect setup for this question. Tell me, what were the beliefs and values that you were raised with that contributed to you becoming who you became as a young adult and who you are now?

Maria Riegger:

Um, I love this question. Okay. So, so it's kind of a two part answer because I, I grew up with a lot of negative conditioning and limiting self-beliefs that I had to recondition as an adult, right? This idea of like, you know, love is conditional in order to be worthy of of receiving love and attention. I have to do things for other people, right? I can't just be myself. That's not enough. People are not going to love me for being myself. They're going to love me for as far as based on what I can do for them. I'm only a worthy individual if I'm constantly productive, if I'm taking downtime, I'm lazy, right? If I'm taking a rest, I'm lazy. Things like this, um, I need approval from other people to do things. I can't use my own intuition or make up my own mind. I have to delegate to other people things like this. This is obviously as a child growing up in a home with this kind of parenting. So as an adult, it led to a whole host of problems, like allowing other people to take advantage of me, like not realizing that I have ultimate say in my boundaries physical, emotional, mental, social boundaries, things like this. But now there were, you know, positive things that grew up with two. I grew up from my father with who modeled a really good work ethic, this idea of making short term sacrifices for medium to longer term gains like that's something I see, um, that a lot of people could benefit from today because. Right, it's all about not all about, but a lot about instant gratification. It's harder to make those short term sacrifices for the longer term.

Lori Saitz:

Gains. Yes, but how did you balance that with the belief that you have to work hard and always be working because that's like you're constantly sacrificing. So it's not necessarily a short term sacrifice. It's a lifetime sacrifice, right?

Maria Riegger:

That's true. The way I deal with it is when I'm engaged in a productive activity, I'm fully engaged in that activity in flow state. That's another big part of my what I teach is about how to get in and stay in flow state to harvest productivity. But when I'm resting, I'm resting and you really have to balance all that and be present. At the moment when you're resting, you're resting, you're you're not checking emails, your notifications are off. You are fully present with your friends, with your family, with your kids, with yourself, even if you're by yourself. And that's as important. Scheduling the rest time is as important as scheduling the productive time. I'll tell people that. And parents, you have to schedule downtime with your family and downtime for you and you're going to if you have, you know, a weekend booked and you've scheduled a Monday for rest and somebody asks you to do something Monday, you have to say no, say no early and often. So yeah, it's a great question. Really important for people to figure out how to balance all that, being productive, to work toward your own goals which are fulfilling for you, and also balance that with rest time, family time and those things.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. Okay. So I don't want to get you off track because you were talking about your dad and what you learned from him, right?

Maria Riegger:

So he also taught me to as far as finances, to be aware of what you're spending, to not finance lifestyle through debt. That's how a lot of people get in trouble. It's hard to dig out of that. And that if you do kind of watch what you spend and watch your income, you can be in a place where possibly you could even retire earlier or pursue other things because you're not beholden to this kind of 9 to 5 job. So that's definitely something that's played out in my life. I've been very fortunate and also, you know, very cognizant and aware of kind of what I spend in my financial situation. Yeah. So that financial freedom is very important for me so I can structure my life and my schedule on, you know, on how I want it, not based on somebody else's schedule.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. Cool. You were talking about what you learned from your dad. How did you decide to go to law school?

Maria Riegger:

Right. So I was kind of figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. This is in like my mid mid to late 20s, I moved back to the States from Spain where I had been working in IT consulting. I was trying to figure out what to do, so I was working in the US, went to business school, took the. Business law classes and I thought, am in the wrong. I'm studying the wrong thing. Like I really want to be studying law school because I love, among other things, parsing out these different concepts and differentiating these concepts. And I love the legal analysis part of it. So yeah, so I went to I went to law school and it was wonderful experience, intellectually stimulating. I loved it. I had my kid during law school unexpectedly, but it was still great. So and then when I finished.

Lori Saitz:

School and a child, I know.

Maria Riegger:

It was like just, just, you know, stuff keeps on coming. So yeah. So I finished law school in my so I'm in my early mid 30s working and I, I had this sense of I should feel like I've made it, I have this family, I have this law degree. I have a good paying job in D.C., Washington, D.C. and I just feel like I'm not. I want more. But I was like, What do I need more of? And that's kind of what began this journey of kind of I need to figure out like I'm supposed to feel like or I guess I've been told, right? Or by example I'm supposed to feel like, well, this is it. I've made it in my mid-thirties, but didn't feel that way. Yeah. So that was kind of a beginning of this long process, which we can talk more in detail about.

Lori Saitz:

Well, it's interesting that you said you felt like you, you there should be more and then what more of what like that is the question that I don't think I think people a lot of people feel that they feel that that kind of undercurrent of suck. I say yeah but they don't know it's this indistinguishable feeling like I don't know what I'm feeling, but I'm feeling like I need more of. And then what? More of what we don't know.

Maria Riegger:

Yeah, right. I think a lot of it has to do with living authentically. Yeah. And that's hard to describe because obviously it's different for every individual to live authentically. So that's but that's you have to kind of. Think about what do I need to feel fulfilled and kind of go from there. So yeah, but that's it's a lot of people. It's just like this. They take these steps they think they're supposed to take and they'll be fulfilled, but they're not living true to their purpose and true to their own. You know what? They they're not really living in a way that's consistent with their own personal fulfillment. That's kind of what you have to explore. What do I need to feel personally fulfilled? To feel like I have a meaningful life, Right.

Lori Saitz:

And most people don't stop to. Listen to that to figure that out, because that requires work. And I'd rather, you know, watch whatever series I need to binge on or what. Or yeah, you know, get into the drama of someone else's life. Yeah. Because that would be just easier, right?

Maria Riegger:

Or escapism. I'm going to do things to escape. Exactly what is feeling, right? Yeah. Which could be binge watching. It could be substances. It could be other things.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. So what what did you do to when you, you were having that feeling, how long did that go on for and then what was the impetus for like, all right, no, this is at that point of the being, fine, what do I do now?

Maria Riegger:

Right. So it's kind of a multifaceted answer. So one thing is I you know, I'm a self published fiction and non-fiction author. Now. I I've always written off and on my entire life. And at this time, I had a lot of stories in my head. I felt compelled to write them down. So long story short, I started writing fiction and self publishing fiction, and that was incredibly fulfilling because it was a creative outlet. I did not get anywhere else in my life. Yeah, especially for my day job, which is more analytical, interesting, but more analytical. So here I get pretty much creative free rein to do what I want, and that's very satisfying. It's a lot of work to to self publish a book, a quality book, but it's really fulfilling. And I've connected with a lot of other great authors and there's a lot of great local and and even larger author communities. So that's been incredibly fulfilling. And the other thing is that when I became a parent, a lot of parents will tell you this you're kind of forced to look at where you have to improve as an individual because you're learning how to parent. And in my case, there was this very long, complex process of realizing I'm not parenting in a way I feel good about. I'm I'm not I'm I'm parenting in this way, this almost authoritarian way. And intuitively, I don't think this is right. But I don't know what good parenting looks like because I didn't have that growing up.

Lori Saitz:

I was going to say. So you were parenting using the model that you had, but that didn't feel right. And that's where you were like at this crossroads because you're like, Well, that's all I know, but it doesn't feel right. So now what do I do?

Maria Riegger:

Right? So I, you know, I've open to improving and that's I think that's the key now that I work with parents and they come to me and they're they're kind of anxious about I don't know if I'm doing this right. And I'm like, look, if you are open to improving, you're already a good parent because you're open to improving. I, I really I worry more about people who have this attitude like I know everything and there's nothing I could I could improve on or learn. Well, I really can't work with that. It's harder to work with that. But I was open to improving and I studied a lot about childhood development. And I talked a lot of, you know, child therapists. And I thought, okay, my my intuitive feeling about how to parent was actually. More in line with how I think I should parent. Every kid is different. You parent the child you have, right? And anyway, so I decided to follow more kind of positive parenting, respectful parenting concepts. And it wasn't about changing my kid and getting my kid to do things. It was changing myself and the relationship with my kid improved. Isn't that what always about? Yes.

Lori Saitz:

Is we can only change ourselves. And once we change ourselves internally, right. The results in the the relationships we have externally change. It's kind of like magic, but not exactly.

Maria Riegger:

And I told parents this, right? I told parents, this is good news because this you can you have dominion over yourself. Yeah, this is actually something you can work with because it's about changing you, which you can do. You really can't change the other person. And this becomes even more pronounced when the kids become adolescents and teens and have that counter will, which is a normal stage of childhood development and they're becoming their own individuals, it's important that they, you know, have parents that they feel that they can come to and approach right with anything. So yeah, so that kind of that whole experience I had, I was reparenting myself through psychotherapy, Emdr, other things while parenting my child. Right? So that, that is yeah, I mean it was an incredible, incredible it is still an incredible journey and I'm very fortunate to be able to help parents now as a parenting coach with that.

Lori Saitz:

So how old was your child when you the when you first went, This isn't really how I'd like to be parenting. I need to learn more, Right.

Maria Riegger:

He's about 4 or 5. Okay. Yeah, he was about 4 or 5. And I. I remember like I. I was. I was mad about something. I don't remember what. And I yelled at him. He was like 4 or 5. And he yelled back at me crying. And I remember having this moment like, I am not doing this right. Like he is dysregulated and distressed and it's because of me I am not able to regulate. And I was like, And now that's what, you know, parenting therapist or child therapist will tell the parents, How do you expect a child to emotionally regulate if you, the adult, cannot emotionally regulate? And I figured that out on my own. Like I I'm not I'm not regulated. So he's of course he's not regulated. He's like five. How do I expect him to be? Yeah. What what is like what I really detached myself from that and like, looked at it right. As an observer. Yeah. Thought I thought I have to regulate in order for him to, you know, regulate his anxiety and all these things. So that's number one. So it took a while and I noticed the more regulated I was, the more regulated he was until he was able to articulate how he was feeling and even even what he would tell me, Hey, you hurt my feelings when you said this. I was like, Oh my God, He can actually articulate now these feelings calmly. I'm like, This is the goal that I was working for, right? Yeah. So, yeah, it is about regulating yourself, and that's how kids learn to emotionally regulate is through co-regulating with the parents.

Lori Saitz:

That's how they learn. Everything is there. They're looking at you as their example primarily, and then also what they're seeing in their classrooms or in their friendships and societies and all that too, but primarily from their parent. Did you have a partner? I did. Did you or do you or.

Maria Riegger:

I did at the time. My. Yeah. Now my ex-husband. Yeah, at the time.

Lori Saitz:

And what was his parenting style like? Was he in sync with you that we need to adjust ourselves or was this something you were just doing on your own? And he was on his own thing? Doing his own thing?

Maria Riegger:

Pretty much on my own.

Lori Saitz:

Okay.

Maria Riegger:

So. So, yeah. So this actually, that was at the time that we divorced when my son was about five, five and a half. So it was right.

Lori Saitz:

Around the same time.

Maria Riegger:

Of course. Right. So it was tough. And I knew this is hard. Divorce is hard on kids. I knew he's and the therapist had told me kids, especially boys, um, display depression a lot of the times through anger. So if he's angry, you're going to have to address that. Don't just don't punish him for showing emotions. And that's really stuck with me. Like, okay, that's indicative of how he's feeling. It's not that he's just, you know, wants to be angry. He's feeling a certain way, can't articulate it, and this is how it comes across. So I need to figure out what's going on with him, right? As opposed to like, yeah, I don't believe in like punishing kids in general. I don't believe in it. So I'm not going to punish him for being angry, right? That's right. Because then you're teaching, But.

Lori Saitz:

Right then you're teaching that it's not okay to have those emotions.

Maria Riegger:

Absolutely. And that's a big complaint people have about men today, is they don't talk about emotions. They don't talk about emotions. Well, of course, they were taught as kids to quash the emotions they had. Yeah, right. So now they don't want to talk about it. So.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, because they were punished for it.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. Exactly.

Lori Saitz:

It makes perfect sense. Right?

Maria Riegger:

Right. And I love this. There's this whole movement now parenting movement about how to raise emotionally healthy kids. And I love this and am so thrilled to see that. Boys and girls. Right. Yeah. You have to be able to communicate with your partner. And as you were indicating earlier, Laurie, the parent child relationship is one of the main relationship models that kids take with them into adulthood. So, yeah.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. Okay. So you mentioned that you were using Emdr and what else to, to help you?

Maria Riegger:

Psychotherapy. Right. Okay. And just reading a lot of different stuff, self-help books on, um, you know, recovering from complex trauma as well as parenting and childhood development. Because when you understand how the how the child's the adolescents, the teen brain functions, you can parents can have a lot more empathy for the kids thinking, okay, well this is how the brain is now. It's not that they're choosing this right. It's like if you have a partner with ADHD, Right? So, okay, I can, you know, be upset about these things, but also this is how their brain works. So I can have a little more empathy because this is just how their brain's wired. It's not that they are choosing this to be like this.

Lori Saitz:

Right. Right. And because now that you mention this, I remember having many conversations with my friend Christine. Okay, So I don't have any children. She has a son. And we would have conversations all the time and we would talk a little bit about this, too. He's 21 now, but the teenage brain like, okay, but his brain is not capable or this is what's going on in his brain. And we would talk like because she she was angry about whatever it was that he was doing or not doing and having to step into that that role of you mentioned earlier of being an observer. Right. And going, okay, this isn't a personal thing against me. It's not a personal attack. This is you know, they have so many hormones and chemicals and stuff going on in their brain and the development of the brain.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. This is.

Lori Saitz:

Why.

Maria Riegger:

Yeah, exactly. There's a surge of hormones right around age 13. They've become incredibly moody. The, you know, the changes. They change, their moods, the drop of the hat. They'll be mad at you and then ask you nicely to take them to the mall the next minute, you know? And I mean, so it's like, okay, so and you're like, what's wrong with this person? Well, there's nothing wrong with them. It's like you just said, this is how their brain is wired. They have they have this surge of chemicals that they don't really fully understand. They need need the parents help. We've had many conversations. Hey, this is what's going to happen. You may feel a certain way. This is normal. Everybody experiences this. It's not going to always be like this, Right? It's not. Your body will change and develop. Your brain changes and develops. It's not always going to be exactly like this. So just be aware of that. If you have questions, we can address them. If you need help, we can do we can, you know, figure it out together. But that's yeah. And it's hard it's tough for parents not to take personally.

Maria Riegger:

I know I've been there. It's a tough I imagine. Yeah yeah. That that adolescent and teen attitude or whatever you want to call it personally because this is can you raise since they were a baby that you're close with, you want to maintain this close relationship. But this is really about it's not about the parent. It's about the kid growing up and and realizing, you know, I'm I'm separate separate entity from the parent and I have my own wants needs dislikes ways of seeking fulfillment and you're raising them and guiding them into being healthy adults. That's how you have to think about it. So yeah, so it is hard not to take personally. And I tell parents to like make sure you are also getting back to what we originally talking about, taking, you know, taking time for you pursuing your goals. So it's not all about the kids all the time. Well, they don't want to spend time with me. It makes sure that you're pursuing other outlets, that you are pursuing your goals, too, right? That you know, you're a parent and your other things, too.

Lori Saitz:

Yes. Right. You are a human separate and with needs separate from that. How did you get to that point and what was it that you found to like outside of of parenting? Because you obviously you were studying this stuff to help yourself, right? And then you turned it into. A business. Right. Of of coaching other parents but in between there. So you were writing, right? You were finding your outlet in creative writing, right?

Maria Riegger:

Right. So I love to write and I, I that's kind of my big outlet. I have a bunch of writing projects, fiction and nonfiction books. I'm working on things like that. So that's kind of my big thing is if I'm kind of feeling out of sorts, I will just go and just by myself and just write or, or yeah, something like that.

Lori Saitz:

Where do you where do your ideas for books come from?

Maria Riegger:

Um, they're partly, partly I've used kind of my own some things that happened in my life and kind of stepping off point. It's pretty common for authors to incorporate some of their not necessarily autobiographical, but some of the events of their lives in their books, some aspect of it. So that's definitely the case with me. Like some of my stuff that happened in my life, I will use this kind of a springboard for different things and different themes and sometimes I've always been a huge daydreamer. Okay, I'm a I'm into astrology, so I'll say I'm a Gemini sun. My head is always in the clouds as an air sign. I've always been a huge I cannot remember a time I was not daydreaming and I was always scolded for not paying attention. My mother would give me these long lectures and I would just daydream. You're not listening. You're not? Well, yeah, because you've been talking for half an hour or so. Like ten. I'm not.

Lori Saitz:

Listening. And you're not saying anything I want to hear, so. Exactly.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. I'm not listening. So yeah, I would daydream constantly. And as soon as something became boring, I would just start to daydream. So I would daydream these really elaborate, complex stories. Right. And as an adult, I, you know, occasionally still daydream. And because it's fun and it's relaxing and it's also a way to think about, okay, I have like, it's happened to me before. I have this novel I'm working on and there's a plot point. I'm not sure how to get through it, but if I just kind of relax and kind of let my mind be open, sometimes I would just spontaneously get the information, if that makes sense.

Lori Saitz:

Allow me a quick moment to thank you for tuning in to FINE is a 4-Letter Word. If you're enjoying the show, please take a second to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode. And if you haven't already, I'd love it if you would leave me a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show reach more listeners like you. FINE is a 4-Letter Word is available on all major podcasting platforms, so no matter where you listen, you can stay up to date with the latest episodes. Now let's get back into the conversation. It completely makes sense. And I'm so glad you brought that up because we have again been conditioned to believe that daydreaming is bad. You're not being productive. You're just daydreaming, lazy. Right. But the truth is, and the research shows there have been studies that this is what makes people more creative, more productive like we are. It's required to be the best. You know, whatever it is you are, is to allow yourself time to daydream and be unfocused because exactly what you're talking about, that's when the creativity and the innovation happens.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. And if you study positive psychology, you know, Martin Seligman talks just about that, about having that time and he talks about it in the context of of engagement or flow state, which is one of the five areas of personal fulfillment he talks about. So I concentrate on that a lot with parents like getting how to get in flow and that's a lot of it is like you're just you're just these, these periods of time when you're just kind of with yourself in the moment. And that is when you'll when you kind of clear the mind and when you'll have these I don't know if I call like epiphanies, but these yeah, these information will kind of flow into your mind. Yeah. Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

It is kind of like a spiritual download.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. You know, I've, I've not interviewed, I've not talked about this, I don't think on, on interviews specifically this, but I've read like songwriters will like where did this idea for this song like I woke up and it was in my head right I think who was it? It was one, um. Paul McCartney did. He talked about that song. What song was it? It was one of the Beatles songs that Mother Mary. Was that Paul McCartney? I think so. I'm terrible. I'm not even like a big Beatles fan. But I remember him saying that he woke up and this song, like this song was basically delivered to him. Right. And he just wrote it right.

Maria Riegger:

That does happen with creative people. I mean, it does happen. Like I. I can't tell you how many times I've been just working out and I've just been enjoying the workout and all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, my God, I know how to resolve this plot point. I just know it. And I wasn't even thinking about this novel. I wasn't even trying to think about.

Lori Saitz:

It because if you were trying to think about it, the idea wouldn't have come to you. It's because you're other than conscious mind is you've given it the space to free flow and connect with higher power, God source, whatever you want to call it, right? And it's always doing that. That's why it's so important to like, All right, well, I know I need I'd like to find the answer to this. Whatever this resolve, this plot point, whatever it is, like you think it, and then you put it out there and then you go do something else, right? And you're not focused on it. It's that unfocused time and that we never outgrow that. First of all, yeah, I'm sure you talk about this in your parenting, but children need that time. Yes, they need some un unscheduled time to daydream and not be focused. But we never outgrow that until yeah, until we die. We need that time. And yet again, we've been programmed to believe that if you're not productive all the time, you're lazy, you're slacker. You're right. Not accomplishing. You don't have worth.

Maria Riegger:

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And you know, there have been studies, positive psychology related studies that have shown that we get more creative as we get older. Ooh, which is interesting. Yeah. So I was like, Oh, that makes sense, though. Um, but so that's, that's a good, that's a good positive. People can think about what they think about, you know, getting older and also.

Lori Saitz:

Right.

Maria Riegger:

That's what you touched on about, you know, having every minute of our day scheduled and this drive to be productive all the time. That's why one of the reasons I tell parents, look, don't schedule every minute of your kids day, because I have I've talked to parents who said, well, I need my kidneys to be busy over the summer so they don't, like, get in trouble or do something they're not supposed to. I'm like, okay, well, if you've had some issues with your kid, those need to be addressed, obviously. But like, don't you know, don't feel the need to schedule every minute of your kid's day. You know, we have we do stuff. We do activities, structured activities, but also there's like free time. Okay. You have two hours of free time, then we're going to do this or today is an introvert day. Just do whatever, you know? So but so that's right. As you said, those periods of time and structured time for kids are very important. Kids, adults, everybody of all ages. Very important to have to have, you know. Those, those kind of yeah, those kind of experiences to be open to things, right? That kind of unstructured, unstructured time and yeah, and that doesn't go with the need for that doesn't go away. What seems to happen is our lives get more and more hectic and more and more scheduled. And then as I tell parents, you got to pare down, right, to be able to to focus on pare down, to have more right, pare down your activities, to have better quality relationships. In the context of what I do, it's better quality relationships with your kids, but also with your partner, with your friends, things like that, with yourself.

Lori Saitz:

I was just going to say. And most importantly, with yourself. Absolutely. Yeah. Again, that's why. Yeah, the whole meditation thing. Or it doesn't like you, you get that time with yourself when you said you were out running. Did you say running?

Maria Riegger:

Right. Yeah. Doing cardio.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, Cardio. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Maria Riegger:

I'm not a fan walking.

Lori Saitz:

Cardi. Oh, look, wait. I'm going over there.

Maria Riegger:

I know. So.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, Yeah. Oh, very cool. You when we talked before and you touched on it just a second ago about the astrology. So I'm intrigued because you, you use spirituality and birth charts for helping parents. How did you get into that?

Maria Riegger:

Yes. So I get asked that question a lot because I'm a corporate attorney. So, like, how did you get into this? So I have been studying astrology off and on my entire life. And I, I noticed a lot of patterns in people's energy. So people with specific placements or particularly particular, you know, planetary aspects had exhibited similar traits or similar ways of handling things or similar approaches to life. So long story short, I came to the conclusion that studying this has some merit as a tool for kind of self-knowledge, right? And in the context of what I do. Reparenting So I think most people can agree people are made or individuals are made up of energy. And we know this because people have different energy by energy vibes with some people. Some people you think you say, Well, this person, I don't like their energy. It's a very negative energy. It just doesn't jive with my energy. That's all true. We're all made up of energy. Well, the birth chart is the blueprint for that individual's energy. It's the blueprint of the position of the planets at the moment of that individual's birth. Okay. And we can go into it in detail, but would take it would take a long time. But I do have a video up about kind of explaining the bigger picture elements of the birth chart. Right. How to read them and stuff.

Lori Saitz:

Okay. Maybe we can put a link to that in the show notes.

Maria Riegger:

Sure. Yeah, happy to. So yeah, so it was a it was a really useful tool in starting my reparenting process. And as I talked to other parents who had similar kind of traumatic childhoods, a lot one of the main complaints I hear is that, you know, when I start to heal and repair it, I don't even really know who I am because I've had to be somebody else my entire life. I'm not even sure what I like or what my preferences are or what type of job I want or how to live authentically. I don't even know. Well, the birth chart is an excellent way to kind of start that with other modalities psychotherapy, Emdr, cognitive behavioral therapy, all these other things. It's a great modality as a starting off point for here's the blueprint for your energy. Now let's talk about this and see if it resonates with you and kind of how to honor, how to honor your energy, essentially. And then it's a great tool for parents because you've got your chart, the kids chart. We can see how they relate if the energies are extremely compatible or different. So it may take a little more effort for the parent to understand where the child is coming from. And it also because the child's birth chart is obviously a different set of energy, it also reinforces that idea that the kids are separate entities from the parents, separate sovereign beings, not extensions of the parents, not property of the parents. So for all those reasons, it is a wonderful tool for parenting. And I've gotten a lot of good responses from parents. So we have a pretty active community on YouTube talking about this stuff and kind of reparenting in the context of these kind of spirituality and and astrology concepts. So yeah, it's that's how I got into it. It's um, and, and we may not necessarily know why it works or has merit, but that's the conclusion I came to that definitely has merit. It's kind of another tool for self-knowledge.

Lori Saitz:

I love it. Yes. We don't have to understand how everything works to know that it works, right? Like we don't have to understand how the energy gets from the power plant to our house. I just need to know. I flip a switch and the light comes on. That's right. I love it. Oh, my gosh. This has been so such great information that you've shared. Thank you. Like this. Thank you. Yeah. This is good stuff. How? No, wait. I'm going to ask you first about your hype song and then. Yeah. What's your So so we're we're talking about energy. Okay. When you need to boost your energy, what's the song you listen to to do that?

Maria Riegger:

Oh my gosh. Don't stop Believin by journey. So I listened to that. I love it. I listen to I listen to the original. I also full disclosure, I'm a huge fan, so I listen to a lot of EDM versions of that song. So my son's probably tired of hearing it in the car, but that's that would be it. Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

I don't know if I've ever heard an EDM version of it.

Maria Riegger:

Oh really? Okay.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. Now I'll have to seek one out and for sure. Yes. So, so we'll have a link to that in the show notes as well. And this, this fascinating conversation. If somebody is a parent or they just want to talk to you more about anything we've talked about today, how do they get in touch with you?

Maria Riegger:

Absolutely. So I blog on law school Heritage.com. I'm also at Maria at law school, Heritage.com. That's my direct email address. And I also do in addition to coaching, I do. I recently opened up my calendar to do birth chart readings and parent child readings, so I'm currently booking those. So happy to talk about that further. But yeah, and I'm on YouTube. My YouTube channel is positive parenting with astrology with Maria Rieger. So there's a lot I publish a lot of regular free parenting content there.

Lori Saitz:

Okay, cool. We'll put links to all that in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me today on FINE is a 4-Letter Word.

Maria Riegger:

Thank you, Lori. Appreciate it.

Maria Riegger:

Lori Saitz: I did not know about, and I totally love that Maria mentioned research showing that we get more creative as we age. That is cool. Ready for the key takeaways? Here they are. Number one, be all in on whatever you're doing if you're working. Focus on work. If you're recharging. Focus on your recharging activity. Be fully engaged. Number two, when you find yourself feeling that undercurrent of suck like you want more in life, but you don't know more of what. Think about what you might need to feel fulfilled and take baby steps towards that. Number three. When you learn how to emotionally regulate yourself, your kids will follow your lead. Many people didn't have good role models for this. And if that includes you now, it's your responsibility to learn it yourself. Because if you can't regulate your own emotions, you can't expect those around you to regulate theirs. Number four. Give yourself opportunities to daydream. Let yourself be bored. Let your mind wander. It's those moments of quiet, of silence, of doing nothing that your best ideas come to light. And number five, your birth chart is a blueprint for your individual energy. When you're on the journey of rediscovering who you are and you aren't sure where to start. Tools like your birth chart, psychotherapy, and Emdr can give you some direction. Thanks for listening to FINE is a 4-Letter Word. If you've enjoyed the show, please follow and share it with a friend. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or your favorite platform to help others discover it too. You can find links to my socials on my website Zen rabbit.com. And before you go, take a moment to reflect on what you're grateful for today. Remember, you have the power to create a life you love, and I'm proud of you. Thanks for joining me. Take care.