Synopsis:
Andrea Schmitt shares what it felt like to be the spouse of someone working the hotel industry and who travelled a lot. Listen to what helped her keep the family connected, and what she wishes more families understood about growing up and loving across international moves and frequent travel. Andrea is a clinical psychologist and she coaches expat teen girls, helping them make sense of identity, belonging, and the emotional ups and downs that come with a mobile life.
“He travels 50% a month”
You have a choice
Andrea Schmitt opens up about how she managed loneliness as a “trailing spouse” and later as a “trailing mom.” She highlights the power of intentionally choosing her situation, seeking out international communities, and repeatedly putting herself out there to build new connections—even when it meant being vulnerable time and again.
“I sat myself down and I thought “it feels like you don't have a choice, but you do…I loved us as a family, and I thought “ how can I manage better? And that's when everything sort of shifted and I became less resentful because I had the feeling that I chose being there”
Staying Connected as a Family
With her husband away so much, keeping the family bonded was a real challenge. ‘Good morning’ and ‘good night’, especially with their daughter, Jessica, were always time for check in, even quick, and even if they landed in the middle of the night for Andrea’s husband.
“he would always make time whenever he had a little break. And he has this particularly nice habit. He, not me. He will always pick up the phone, even if he's in a meeting. And he will at least say, I'm in a meeting, I will call you back…It's like he's always there. He will always pick up.”
He invented Action Family with different characters. At night, in person or on the phone, dad and daughter would spend sometimes hours making up stories about this family. This went on for years and years. “That continued at night in whatever country, in whatever time zone. So at night for us, for Jessica. It was their thing” says Andrea.
When her husband was home, Andrea would deliberately find activities to do that would give her husband space to parent. She also created a photo album of her husband, the places where he grew up, photos of him with Jessica. It was even small enough that she could take it on holidays with her and they would look at it often when dad was not around.
Andrea would also update her husband on Jessica’s schooling and what was going on in their lives when he was away. Now that their daughter is an adult, she has different topics she shares with each parent and ‘there is no need to update each other on those’
Attachment with the travelling parent
Changes in return dates, constant coming and going, grief when a parent leaves home can take a toll on the relationship between travelling parent and child.
If you know about attachment style and you look at the four different ones, you know which one you want to avoid for their future.
To find out more about attachment styles and travelling parenting, you can listen to episode #82 How to nurture parent child attachment when work travelling
Supporting Kids Through Transition
As both a mom and coach, Andrea underscores the importance of scaffolding positive childhood experiences for kids growing up in globally mobile families—balancing normal teen issues with the extra layers of moving countries and parental absence.
Key PCS are:
- Emotional Connection: The ability to talk with family about feelings.
- Safety and Support: Feeling safe, protected, and supported by adults in the home.
- Community and Belonging: A sense of belonging in school, having friends, and participating in community traditions.
- Mentorship: Having at least two non-parent adults who genuinely care.
Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) Inventory
Practical Advice for Globally Mobile Families
Don’t dismiss the challenges (“kids are resilient” isn’t enough—support and scaffolding are needed).
Tiny rituals make a big impact—whether it’s a 30-second call, a special story, or bringing home a small gift as a symbol of care.
Keep educating yourself about expat family dynamics and attachment. There are more resources than ever to help you navigate.
Andrea and her co-host Matthieu Gagnon now offer the TCK Research Podcast, breaking down research on third culture kids (TCKs), expats, and globally mobile families.
Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com
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Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad
Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.
OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.
You may be wondering:
- How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
- Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?
I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.
