The trifecta of JOY is awareness, befriending your inner critic, and raising your vibe! In this episode, I invite you into a chat with me about awareness using the everyday analogy of tissue, or kleenex. As women, we spend a lot of time in service to others, and at the same time accumulate a lot of stories about ourselves, who we are supposed to be, and what is expected of us, without noticing what isn’t serving is any longer. The result, if awareness isn’t tended, is burnout. Burnout signs are real, and often we ignore them in service to others or the belief that we need to keep going, but at some point, we can be left with nothing to give, left standing with a bunch of crusty kleenex, and not knowing where to go from here. This episode is an invitation to notice, create some awareness, and consider what is serving your highest good now, and what you may be ready to let go of.

About the Host:

Tanya's mission is to create a legacy of self-love for women that reinforces trust in themselves through our programs, coaching, podcast, and book, The Trifecta of Joy! As Founder and creator of the Trifecta of Joy Philosophy, she combines over 30 years of research and work in various helping fields, to help you achieve your greatest successes!

Using her philosophy of the Trifecta of Joy, her mission is to empower people through their struggles with the elements of awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibe. This podcast is about sharing stories of imperfection moving through life to shift toward possibilities, purpose, and power in your life!

Having had many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families, Tanya is committed to offering you inspiration and empowerment – body, mind, and spirit!

As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.

Order your copy of the Trifecta of Joy – HELP yourself in a world of change right here.

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Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Go ahead and SHINE!

Xo Tanya

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Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill, welcome to Lighten Up and unstuck your what the fuck. Together, we explore the ways through life's stickiness moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine, doing it.

Well, hello, my friend, I'm so glad you're here. Today we're going to talk about Kleenex. Actually, we're going to talk about a bit more than Kleenex, but I really like analogies. And I like visuals and one of the ways that I kind of connect different pieces of my life is when I find analogies that seem to fit. And so I've really been thinking a lot about Kleenex. Okay, so I don't know about you. But when I was a kid, I always noticed that my mom always had a Kleenex, she always had a Kleenex in like, every pocket. And half the time they were crusty, but there always seemed to be fresh ones around too. And, you know, there was just always Kleenex, like mom pockets have Kleenex in them. So this morning, I got up and got ready to go to the gym and and grabbed a couple Kleenex and stuffed them in my hoodie. Well, if I went to the gym, and and then during the actual class, I was like, Oh, I think my nose might drip. And I didn't have the Kleenex in my hoodie anymore. Because Are you kidding me? It was way too freakin hot to be still wearing the hoodie that was on the floor. So I just jumped off and went and grabbed a couple Kleenex and got back on the bike. And what do I do with the dirty Kleenex, I'm not going to put it on the bike that's sick. So I always tuck it in my bra. So then anyway, fast forward classes over we come home, grab the dogs to take the dogs for a walk. And what does Tanya do? She grabs a couple more Kleenex? Of course she does, because now she's going for a walk, right? So I grab a couple more Kleenex. And off we go. And sure enough, as we're walking, I need Kleenex and I reached into my pocket and I'm like, Oh, look, I've got a couple of crusty ones from probably yesterday, maybe even the day before. And off. We went and walked in.

I was like, man, like, I swear there was a time in my life when I didn't have mom pockets. And I was trying to think of when that was and I was like, Oh, well, maybe it was actually before I even had children. Because as soon as you have kids, you start to develop mom pockets. But now, my kids are 15, almost 19 and 223 year olds, so I don't really need the mum pockets anymore. Although I have to admit, just the other day Peter needed a Kleenex. And sure enough, I reached into my mom pocket and pulled out a fresh one for him while we were on a walk. Anyway, stay with me because I have an analogy here. When I got back and I was getting ready to get in the shower, as I was stripping, of course, I then found this lovely sopping wet Kleenex that was stuck to my chest as I pulled off my sports bra. And it fell to the floor. And I picked it up and threw it in the garbage. I was like man, like my life is Kleenex. My life is frickin Kleenex. I wonder if anybody else feels like life is frickin Kleenex. And then I was like, Oh, well, maybe it's because of the pandemic because really, you know, since the pandemic, I think I've maybe started to carry a little more Kleenex because I'm a little more conscious. I don't know. Anyway, where the hell am I going with this? Well, you know, I have been thinking about my purpose and what I do and and why I'm showing up the way I am and part of it is because I think that women are in a space where we are ready to reclaim if you will, some self awareness. You know, I say that the trifecta of joy is awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibe. And you know, we all have coats that we wear for different things. We have hoodies, we have like, oh my god, we all love our pockets, right? Who doesn't love a good pocket? So when it complements you on your dress? And what do you say? If you can you're like, thank you. It has pockets. Oh my god, I do love her dress with pockets. I'm not gonna lie. Anyway, where am I going with us?

Well, you know, the awareness is just like noticing that Kleenex when you become aware of yourself. And when you grow awareness of the different environments that you're in, and the different ways that you show up, you might recognize that you're carrying some old shit in those mom pockets, some crusty Kleenex if you were, like, I talk about cultural stew about how over time, you know, we do come to a place of integrating, if you will, of integrating beliefs, values, experiences, messages, all the good and bad shit from the people in places and life that we live up to this point. Right. And some of its good and some of its bad. And that's kind of like the Kleenex. You know, like, when we were little, we didn't have Mone pockets. We didn't carry around all that extra shed. And we just wiped her nose on her sleeve. Or on her shoulder. Or let us not run okay. Yeah. Right. Or waited for our mom to bring a Kleenex to our nose. But we didn't carry that extra stuff around. And the Kleenex in the mum pockets is you know that stuff, like the stories we tell ourselves and, and the beliefs that we have about what we can or cannot do. And you know, I, I think we carry around our, our pockets full of Kleenex without emptying them out often enough. And really recognizing Hey, like, do I need to be hanging on to this story? Do I need to carry this crusty Kleenex in my pocket anymore? I don't think so. But it's interesting, right? Like, you reach into your pockets, and you're like, oh, there's a crusty Kleenex, but there isn't the garbage handy. So you leave it there. And then you kind of forget about it until you reach in next time. And, you know, our limiting beliefs or automatic negative thoughts, or the bullshit stories that we carry around from our cultural stew aren't really that different. Because sometimes, they just come up and we don't even do anything with them. We just accept them for what they are. And we don't question whether or not this is the time to take it out of the pocket and keep it all the fucking pocket. I hope you're staying with me on this one, maybe this analogy isn't landing for anybody. Or maybe every single time you put your hands in your pockets, you're going to think about the bullshit stories you hold on to they're holding you back in your life. That's kind of my hope. But you know, it might not happen. So the Kleenex is kind of a funny thing, though, right? Because we stuffed our pockets with it. So that we're ready for whatever seems to come our way. It might be a snotty nose, it might be spill a coffee, it might be oh my god licking the Kleenex and wiping something off your kid's face. I remember when my mom did it to me, I thought it was disgusting. And then I also remember, the first time I did it to my own child. But you know, it's that service piece, right. And sometimes our pockets are so full of service, taking care of things moving forward not being interrupted, getting on with it, that once the Kleenex is used, we stuffed it back in our pocket. But we don't spend any time throwing it out, or deciding if we need it anymore. And you know, like, we as women are so deeply in service to others, that sometimes we don't even get an opportunity to have awareness of ourselves. And, you know, the awareness is not just the old stories and the bullshit. It's also how am I showing up for myself? What am I doing today? That's for me, what brings me joy

How do I achieve feeling good in the things that I have to do? And the person I have the opportunity to be like, You guys life really is a freakin gift. And there it is, you know what, I'm gonna invite you to take a nice Big breath with me right now, like a really deep one through your nose because I'm gonna do it. So stay with me. Now, like actually breathe into the depths of your belly and feel it expand. And then SIP in a little bit more. And then just gently through your nose. Let it out and push all of that air out. How often do you let yourself just have a nice deep belly breath? Like? Did you listen to me do it? Or did you just do it yourself? on your own? I mean, really? How often do you even take a deep breath and recognize where you are right in that frickin moment? You know, awareness is such an incredible gift. But often, the awareness only seems to come when it starts to hurt. And I really think that some of this is because we are stuffing ourselves with a Kleenex, we're not cleaning out our pockets, and we've always got Kleenex for other people. The other thing is, is we got a lot of jackets and some of them are armored right the fuck up? Like seriously, how often do you start your day armored up for what's to come. But then don't forget stuff your pockets full of Kleenex in case somebody needs you because you know, you're going to be there of service to a gajillion people. That is the recipe my friend for burnout. And, and maybe that's actually what really drove me to have this conversation with you. My friends, I see you, and I hear you. And I know that burnout is so fucking real. And I've been there. I experienced that straw that broke the camel's back. And for me, it was the accumulation of a gajillion little things that I just wasn't making space to have awareness of to be honest. And suddenly, one little thing threw me over the edge and opened up a whole fucking dam of shit. Let me tell you I don't want anyone to experience that intensity of burnout. I don't want anyone to experience the despair and the self loathing and the helpless feeling that comes from that place of burnout. And, and you know, like really, my friend, if you want to, if you feel like you might be getting there. I'm going to tell you right now awareness is huge. Check your pockets. How much service do you really need to be to others? And how much are you holding on to that you really don't need anymore? What really matters to you? What values are you grounded in

I'm in the process of actually building a free I guess mini course video with a handout completely just about getting grounded in your values. Because when you understand really what matters to you and what your values really are. You start to realize what you're willing to put energy and service into. And from that perspective, it's really about protecting yourself and and let me be really clear when I say protection, I'm not talking about armoring up. I'm talking about a protection that is actually expansive and open. It's a protection that is so gentle and so open that you are able to give and receive in a way that feels nourishing so your buckets not fucking empty. So your pockets aren't stuffed with crusty Kleenex or empty but you have what you need when you need it. And other times you just leave the jacket behind. gotten really stuck on this analogy today. I'm sorry if you guys are like why she keep coming back to snotty Kleenex is I don't know you guys, I'm just talking snotty Kleenex is today okay? Hey, like, I know I'm a weirdo. Anyway, I guess I just I just want to have this conversation with you guys because because I don't want you to get there, I don't want you to feel burned out, helpless, hopeless and hit that what the fuck so hard. And there are signs, like, you know, if you're struggling with sleep, if you're struggling with eating, if you find that in half the conversations that are happening, you're not even present. If you find yourself avoiding things, procrastinating more than you normally do a little bit snappy with people. There are lots of really significant signs that it's time to take care of yourself. And again, creating the awareness is noticing those things, and then deciding how can I serve myself?

Now, I'm going to tell you right now, this whole idea of self care like you guys, just running off for a massage isn't self care. Self Care is doing the hard things to it's actually checking in with yourself and noticing your your shit. Not just everybody else's shit, but your shit good and bad. every fucking day. Because otherwise life passes you by. And quite honestly, you're not even noticing the good shit because we're not wired to notice the good shit. We're certainly not wired to notice what we love about ourselves or things we're grateful for four we have to be reminded that shit. But it's so easy and so automatic to judge ourselves to think that we're less than to think that we're too tall too short too fat to brown too light too. Outgoing, introverted, pick something we can always label ourselves. So fuck and easily. But you know, like, I talk about it all the time. What do you like about yourself? New what I like about myself, that I'm willing to just have this conversation. I don't have any notes. I'm just talking from my heart about snotty Kleenex. Because it's the analogy that I feel like lands today. So my friends, awareness. Let me know. Reach out and let me know. You know, what kind of awareness Do you have? And also, like snotty Kleenex analogy was it like really landing super poorly let the snotty Kleenex is gonna stop talking about snorting Kleenex is Tanya. But you know, I also recognize that the snarling clean axes or the clean, clean axes, the pockets full of clean axes, and the multiple jackets with multiple pockets, fully clean axes is something that we start to accumulate as we get older because when we're little, we don't give a fuck. And maybe part of the challenge is that as we get older, we give too many fucks. But we have the opportunity to pick our fox. That's right, Maggie, thank you for commenting. That's right. Too many facts. On that note, my friend, go out, have a beautiful day. Spend some time enjoying what brings you joy, and from my heart to yours. Notice what you need to hold on to and what you can just let go. I love you