Could black love be the answer to black excellence and elevating our community? Perhaps, black love just might be the key... but what about the distractions? The ladies of Blacktivities celebrate Valentine's Day with a discussion of these questions and more.

Black Love Is Key

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Black Love Is Key

[00:00:54] Lisa: So you're watching on youtube, please Leave us a comment.

Now i'm gonna say, give us some feedback,

but

but careful because bite back

All

right

we're primarily on

[00:01:09] Lisa: instagram

IG.

you catch us at. Blacktivities pod

and then

can also come check in on us personally you See myself @monalisadapoet go ahead and follow Shoot me a dm. It may take me little while cause I don't be on the dms like that

because of

of creeps.

well y'all say y'all own

Instagram names. Go ahead, Karen, .

say yours.

What's yours?

KK.

[00:01:42] Lisa: grissom and that's

that's Grissom.

G R I S S O M. Like Grissom

from like CSI Miami.

[00:01:53] Lisa: Yeah, all right. So we're also on

we're also on Facebook too. All those are in the show notes. Again

looking out for you.

And we do like

like read talk about some of comments on the show. And I

I look forward being able to read whatever, know, you need share on our posts and

[00:02:21] Shannon: Keep it respectful

[00:02:29] Karen: So let me not pretend like I this without glasses.

BIG FACTS... NO CAP

Yes

a report that studied history of

the 1960s,

Not only did they swap places during the sixties, but in

in

com, by the way and also you want to, if you think about the 80s, think about what happened in the

the 80s

This does prove causation.

However, it does show that they are

are related to to the

assumption that

that men in prison

are less likely to marry.

[00:04:20] Lisa: That's exactly what I was thinking.

Both black and white Americans have similar divorce stats. With 12 percent of each population currently divorced, which higher than Hispanic 9% Asian at

5%. percent

Both black and Hispanics have the highest percentage of separations at 3 percent compared to 1 percent of white and Asians. There's your big fact.

that

it's okay have a whole of baby mamas and baby daddies,

but

showing that it okay

for us

for us to have stability.

So

So that's why I like it's just showing

stability,

giving great example.

Of a lasting marriage mother, father roles. Because I think also a lot of people when they get older, they don't really know how to be a father or how to be in a lasting marriage. Also being an educator and having that background in, Children and their development. I feel like both parents in a household serve the whole child. you have certain things that moms are better at and certain things that dads are better at. And when you put them together, I feel like that is serving the whole child. There's better behavior, more success educationally. Which kind of leads to better careers and more money. So I feel like it could also be like a financial come up.

as someone who's married, like having that dual income is important.

else

that I feel like important is we know ourselves and love ourselves first before we start bringing children into world,

and then also make sure you understand your partner as well. Now

I'm not saying that all cases just because you the research beginning that it will be everlasting, but at least you tried.

It could towards,

know,

know, positive to where is long lasting. And then don't be so sensitive That's another thing.

and

if if you're willing to with someone, listen to them.

because they're

they're not just saying or expressing their emotions and bothering them just for shits and and giggles. We need to attention to our partners.

[00:08:38] Lisa: And this

true. And I agree with you, especially when you,

talked about the generational curses.

Because that I am focusing on with my children.

As

stated before, I have three children, three girls. Two of

them are young adults now, the oldest is 22, And then I got an 18 year old,

And then my youngest

is 11, but she be doing her own shit sometime.

We,

ain't, talk about that later, it's a different episode. But with them

Yes,

I used to feel bad that I chose myself and I decided that I didn't want to be in a marriage anymore

because it was

my mental,

Ability that was

was at stake.

But with them I

have doing research. I've been a lot of reading and I make sure to remain positive.

That

way I can say I my part to

break

that generational curse.

So I want have an education. I want them to, have their own, that way they have something bring to the table and then that be that.

[00:09:53] Karen: Well, it's interesting because I believe our families have been broken since we were colonized.

[00:10:02] Karen: So that's when the men were taken out of the homes. They were studded out like horses and dogs. And that put us. in a very precarious role because women then had to carry everything on their shoulders. And there was so many things happening to us as a people,

That we've been broken since we got here.

And so if you look

look it

from that perspective, and then the data that we just looked at, That says we even began to start overcoming that even then up until the crack epidemic. So there have been strategies against black families since day one.

And

because there were strategies against black families, we have to also consider that generational curses, is accurate.

We are people with PTSD

but have only practiced give i t to Jesus as a method of recovery. And that's not entirely sufficient. So we have to think about what makes us whole individually. How do we recover? How do our men

recover? And,

you know, even looking at this from the perspective of um, complete

you

There's one more thing I want to say, and that is. There's a clip that went viral and I absolutely love it. And it was Tank talking about how Sam Smith got the opportunity to sing a song that would have normally been sung probably by a black artist, but it was not. given to one of us and we're not really allowed to sing R& B the way we were and love on each other through music which is something that we created.

So we're not allowed to really love on each other through our music. Music is the one thing that touches you that you can't touch back. And so we touched each other and we reached each other through our music and what Tank said was that Sam Smith got to sing the song. Stay with me. Tank did a

beautiful

rendition of it.

[00:13:08] Karen: It was stay with me. And Tank did a beautiful little clip of it. But he said, our violence is not what's feared. It's our love. It's our love.

[00:13:23] Karen: see what I'm saying, but us loving each other is where the power is, which is why we have a gender war being strategically fed, which is also why we look at black women being the Most highly educated demographic and they throw in certain artists to break that down and change the perception of us.

So propaganda is real. This machine is real and the attack on our black love is real

[00:14:04] Shannon: That's on my list.

[00:14:07] Lisa: I've watched it. I watched all of it. I love it because they redid it

to where it's

to it's a black family.

It

It is husband and wife.

They both

both really good jobs.

The husband

also is a successful musician.

I had to

had say it slow. And the wife

has like accounting job. She's very educated.

They're

raising their children. Their oldest is a veteran. Their daughter is graduating high school, getting go to college.

they have the youngest son. But it's showing like love it was so positive.

it was this is what my house looks like.

It's not

like rachet how think black families are.

[00:14:53] Lisa: And

I was sad to read. Earlier week

that after

two seasons, they're canceling

but it

it was so good,

And it

and it was positive

There's a good example of duality.

You guys may have seen this girl. She became a doctor. And when she took her picture, she had her cap and gown and all that. And it was what you expected in doctor. And then she did this

[00:15:42] Karen: So it doesn't take away from her education, but it's just the duality was there and she was intentional and I loved it.

She was intentional about that, but, but we are shown as a monolith. You either going to show us one way or another. That's why we need to take over our own narratives when it comes to a lot of things and our love is one

of

[00:16:07] Shannon: 100, 000 percent and that kind of leads us into the next question that I was gonna ask Like what things have gotten in the way of or been distractions from that black love that we were talking about

I mean, I

like we've kind of touched on already.

[00:16:38] Lisa: Karen shared the music

situation and, television and

just

the way we're represented.

Mm hmm.

Men got to make six figures in order to have some type of value, right?

And then on the other side of it, it's like money in exchange for sex. So the

[00:17:24] Shannon: The women like you know, you gotta be giving it up. You gotta be sexy and doing this

If this true, they made Sexy Red the number female rapper for 2023,

As

disgusting is, I say what said

I

I am mom of 3 girls,

I will beat

the shit out of them

if they ever got somewhere talking about you

know,

That is not,

not, that, happened ladylike? KK

look, Karen, put her head down.

What got to say, KK?

this show.

So,

baby. Tell us.

what's going on.

it's

monogamous or just a spiritual connection or however you choose to do it. But I do believe that women are hypergamous by nature,

[00:18:36] Lisa: She did, baby.

you,

but the truth is we do need men. We just need them to show up differently than they have in the past because I don't need you to build a house, but I do need you to be together so we can build a life together, whatever that looks like. I don't want to bear everything on my shoulders. I still want to be the woman in this situation. So that's part of it.

[00:19:30] Karen: kick me off.

[00:19:36] Karen: We,

we just need men to show up differently. Women have been progressing for decades at this point. Men still make more money, but we move differently and

our role is different.

We

just need men to catch up with what we're doing

and.

we need to listen to each other. Because personally, we cannot respect, or I'm going to say a dirty word, submit to someone who is not capable of leading the charge on what we're trying to build, or at least co leading.

it wouldn't be fair to say solely that men need to come with it. It is us as women to make sure that we're picking the right one.

And if mentally

we not all there and we're able to out

world where we're disrespecting ourselves, like on us to make sure that we understand that, We inspire a lot, know what I mean? So it's on us to make sure that we're in the positive light and that mentally we're

ready And we're picking the right person. I understand things happen,

But

we

have

to learn from those

It is

on us.

If you put your foot down there's somebody else that is going to allow it.

[00:21:23] Shannon: So as a collective. we control how the men are allowed to treat us And I understand that I also think that that goes back to the generational trauma because the man that we're picking Has to do probably with the dad and We might not be picking the right person and I also think that that Message that's out there the propaganda that's out there It's not going to help us get any closer to our goal because on both sides.

We're being negative toward the opposite sex,

[00:22:03] Shannon: so it's like, I don't know, to me, it just feels like a prostitution situation now.

that it's more transactional than ever, and I think it's that way a lot because folks haven't had those examples. The example that you talk about with

the need

for a mother and father is spot on because it's in that environment that we learn. Outside of dating, but when you're dating, you already come in with

preconceived notions, but when

you're in a home and you see a man and a woman interact in a certain way, then a standard is set and ideas are put into place of how things should be. So

go into a situation with that and it's not transactional. So for instance, I don't care if, I make more money. What what are we building? What is the vision? What are we creating in terms of generational wealth? So if, $50, 000 is a decent median income,

that's

no problem. But if I make more, I'm not going to disrespect a man.

I would never do that. It's really about if. There is positional leadership.

If we're

co leading, whatever works for our household, but people are listening to the man should be the head, the woman should do this, and then,

and da. then these folks say they should work together. But what works for your household, that's where the respect and the submission and the partnership comes in.

So whatever that partnership looks like and whatever works for you, it has to do with picking the right people.

pick

somebody who's like minded. I love that opposites attract, but there has to be somebody who's like minded about life going forward.

Shared goals

[00:24:11] Lisa: Communication. And another thing too is you got too people looking over in

over in this person's yard and what they got going on. focus on what you got going on. I know to be hard considering that we all need to together

and set example, you got to focus on you though. And something that has been trending is.

the topic. It's funny you said

said I talking my cousin about yesterday and she made a post on Facebook.

but

But it's about how man is the provider. What she was saying don't have an issue

with going

going on half bills. know how about other.

They support each other.

and which I

I understand that. I totally understand that. Because I'm the type person I don't like to rely, But I make though that man understands In a way

still look at him as leader

even Even though I

my own, I don't have an issue with being submissive, if that makes sense.

It's like every company has a CEO, but that doesn't mean that the CEO makes all the sole decisions, right? We discuss everything together. And I trust him to be the head of the household because he is leading me in a path that I agree with.

[00:25:52] Shannon: He's never gonna move without consulting me first and us discussing it.

[00:25:59] Shannon: Yes, there's a mutual respect there. If I say, I don't think we should do this, it's not gonna happen. But he's still head of our household.

[00:26:08] Karen: Right.

plays part there's no ego issues either,

know, cause I see wherever

if woman

more than man there's type of ego issues where he can't handle or can't handle it.

And

so if there's a man and he cannot take it

men

care less about a woman's income. I met a guy a while back and we got into a similar conversation and he was like, I don't care if a woman work at Taco Bell.

you

know, but that's what men say,

and so when it

comes to this

whole thing, it really is about what works for you.

So we both sides have to consider what works for you. If a man knows he can't handle a woman making six figures because it's going to cut into him, she's not the one. I don't care how bad she is.

She ain't

ain't the one.

what

y'all want.

a part of your three, five year plan, y'all start buying

man. That's making him feel

better about the situation, that's making worse.

men and

women. We really need to

be more thoughtful.

in how we select who's in our life, you know, just like we could say, you know, I want my

hamburger with these ingredients. We more selective about that than the people we bring into our lives.

I'm going to

you

exactly what I don't want,

but we

need to be like that when it comes to

people

as well and not deviate

from that.

[00:27:58] Karen: Amen.

Look,

[00:28:01] Lisa: Mm hmm.

No

shade.

All right, Lisa What you got for a piece?

so

this

is

titled,

black man because because I love me chocolate man.

I

I got milk chocolate I'm extra. Okay.

so this

was put together a while ago.

and

obviously whenever you write,

all of

and I

I really was,

like emotional when I wrote this.

So

this is facts.

Black

man.

who

are you?

Black

man, I dig you. I

over

your your body while you sleep.

make

make me smile.

I'm

I'm comfortable. Even

though there are many pieces to huge puzzle of life,

your

presence, your your light,

your

patience means so much.

Even

though this world is cruel, you stand there. Black man,

you

may may not of moments like this,

But I

I feel a woman's job to ensure

the right

right one chosen for this stable foundation of love.

Being a

a man is huge, being good man

is enormous.

You

are like I want my children to witness.

So it

So it ain't nothing black love,

You,

black man. I dig you. Yes.

And

in poem about black men.

[00:30:07] Shannon: I think you were envisioning boo thing when you wrote that.

[00:30:18] Shannon: All right, ladies, time to call the culture. What were some of the takeaways from this discussion? And what's your call to action for the culture?

Okay.

We

We'll out there. But for certain people, they prefer, have that preference of black love.

That's what turns them on,

But it's okay to hold your fist up high for black love. if love your purpose, goal, then to do whatever it takes build your love for that stable foundation. You each are the prize. So act like it.

[00:31:01] Karen: Well,

I'm a proponent of black love because I know its impact and I believe it can change our community. And as we

move

forward we really just need to be

cognizant of

what we want. And even if that changes later on, you know that you've made the best decision in that moment. So, the

shoe don't fit, don't stick your foot in there trying to make it fit any old way, walking around with bunions and

It

It needs to be

what

works for you in a tangible way. Get your healing,

do

what needs to be done. Take time for yourself

to

know yourself, understand that dating and courting is not just seeking, but also learning, learn about yourself in that process. So we need to, to do a better job of understanding the purpose of dating and courting

and building relationships

what's

foundational to those things and to make logical decisions.

We need to definitely heal, heal your ish. That's, that's, that's the mic drop for me. Heal your ish. And then you make better decisions. I'm also calling the culture to gone ahead, click that plus and Apple podcasts or wherever you're listening and subscribe in YouTube, just like the last time so you can get your blacktivities on every week until we meet again,

Let's go.