[0:00] Have you ever been to a shrink? I have.
[0:02] And my total takeaway from that
[0:04] experience happened to be a very good
[0:07] feeling. Totally recognizing just how
[0:10] very important my relationship with the
[0:12] therapist was because I was one of many
[0:15] that through my financial support for
[0:18] around 8 months was dramatically
[0:20] improving my therapist quality of life.
[0:23] And although all of that therapist
[0:25] advice did do a damn thing to improve my
[0:28] life, at least I had the satisfaction
[0:31] and the knowledge of how it was
[0:33] improving theirs. Hello folks, my name
[0:36] is Ernest. Thank you for being here. You
[0:39] see, even though psychoanalysts very
[0:42] much enjoy giving the impression that
[0:45] their livelihood is a science, if you
[0:48] really press them on the issue, any
[0:50] decent and ethical psychoanalyst will
[0:54] admit that it's not a science. which is
[0:57] really nice because if they didn't do
[0:59] that, a person with problems and issues
[1:03] might discover that they could get an
[1:06] equal amount of insight and benefit by
[1:09] going to a tarot card reader and
[1:12] probably for a hell of a lot less money.
[1:16] Now, make no mistake,
[1:18] modern psychoanalysis is very good at
[1:21] describing and classifying various
[1:24] mental issues. And if you think about it
[1:27] for a psychotherapist,
[1:29] that's a very good thing because there
[1:33] are just so many people out there with
[1:36] so many issues. It pretty much
[1:38] guarantees a level of job security that
[1:41] few other occupations,
[1:44] having a lifetime position of a Supreme
[1:47] Court justice, for example, can match.
[1:50] and having that kind of well-paid job
[1:54] and income security must absolutely do
[1:57] wonders for their mental health.
[2:01] So after giving this quite a bit of
[2:03] thought, I came up with something that I
[2:06] believe is not only innovative but
[2:09] completely ethical because it's based on
[2:12] realist principles. It's based on
[2:15] symbiosis and I call it rent a friend.
[2:20] Very briefly before I continue, if
[2:23] you're enjoying this episode, please
[2:25] subscribe and hit that notification bell
[2:28] so the channel grows. And if you're
[2:30] listening to my podcast anywhere in the
[2:33] world, I would sincerely appreciate you
[2:36] telling a friend. Now, back to the
[2:39] episode. Allow me to explain just how
[2:43] Rent a Friend works.
[2:46] For a very modest fee, less than half
[2:50] the going rate of current psychoanalyst
[2:53] and/or psychotherapist,
[2:55] a client can meet me at a public place.
[2:58] It must be a relaxing, dimly lit
[3:01] restaurant that serves drinks.
[3:04] Obviously, not anything like a fast food
[3:07] restaurant.
[3:09] The client meets for a standard 2-hour
[3:12] session, which they have already prepaid
[3:15] for,
[3:17] and the rent a friend session begins
[3:20] immediately after the client and I have
[3:23] received our first round of drinks.
[3:27] I want to make it perfectly clear that
[3:30] if someone is a non-drinker, they do not
[3:34] qualify for the rent a friend service.
[3:38] Since the scam or I mean uh service will
[3:41] be completely ineffective if their mind
[3:44] is not properly lubricated uninhibited
[3:48] and open to suggestion.
[3:51] So basically I sit there acting as a
[3:54] caring and patient friend, hence the
[3:57] reason the name of the service and
[4:00] listen to everything they have to say,
[4:03] no matter how totally inane, vacuous,
[4:07] superficial, and completely [ __ ]
[4:09] idiotic it may be.
[4:12] Eventually,
[4:14] typically around the third round of
[4:16] drinks, which the client always pays
[4:19] for, I will begin to give them my
[4:22] analysis and suggestions for their life.
[4:26] All done with a soft tone and convincing
[4:29] smile as though I was their best friend,
[4:33] just like conventional licensed scammer,
[4:36] or I mean, uh, psychotherapists do.
[4:39] Trust me, they won't even be able to
[4:42] tell the difference, but their wallet
[4:44] will because remember the service I
[4:47] provide is less than half the cost of a
[4:51] conventional therapist.
[4:54] So, what about efficacy? The results,
[4:57] you might reasonably ask. Well, the one
[5:01] area that Rent a Friend has in common
[5:04] with conventional psychotherapy
[5:07] is that it makes no claims to guarantee
[5:10] therapeutic success.
[5:12] Since clients have already accepted that
[5:14] reality and most certainly signed
[5:17] documents to that effect prior to
[5:20] receiving conventional therapy, the same
[5:24] rules and disclaimers will apply to Rent
[5:27] a Friend. We are very sympathetic if a
[5:30] client's life is completely [ __ ] up
[5:33] because they are batshit crazy, but they
[5:37] are not going to successfully sue rent a
[5:40] friend. And just to finish this
[5:43] description of how Rent a friend works,
[5:47] safety is always a primary concern for
[5:50] our clients. So we always require the
[5:54] following safety protocol.
[5:58] Clients must always turn over their car
[6:01] keys. They of course can keep the rest
[6:04] of them before the session even begins.
[6:07] And if I or the professional barkeep
[6:10] determine that a client has had too much
[6:13] alcohol, the client may call a friend
[6:16] who picked them up or have a taxi or
[6:20] Uber at the client's expense provide
[6:24] them a ride home. the client can
[6:26] retrieve their car keys the next day at
[6:29] their convenience.
[6:32] We use this precaution because the last
[6:35] thing clients need in their life is
[6:38] another potential tragedy due to a DUI
[6:42] accident. And because we've already
[6:45] statistically determined that if someone
[6:48] is of such low intelligence, willing to
[6:52] completely disgrace themselves by using
[6:55] such a service, they benefit by not
[6:58] suffering any potential further negative
[7:01] consequences
[7:03] by operating a vehicle intoxicated,
[7:07] which they in all probability would do
[7:10] without this precaution. due to their
[7:13] already mentioned very low intelligence.
[7:18] I believe our motto says it all. Rent a
[7:22] friend truly cares about you and wants
[7:26] to be your best friend forever.
[7:33] Until next time, this is Ernest and
[7:36] that's all I've got for today.
