The core premise of our discourse today revolves around the notion that the misunderstandings we frequently encounter in our relationships may not stem from malice or inadequate communication, but rather from an intrinsic, fundamental divergence in how individuals are wired to perceive the world and connect emotionally. We delve into the complexities of personality, transcending superficial assessments often derived from online quizzes, to explore the profound implications that personality types hold within the fabric of our interpersonal relationships. Our esteemed guest, Marita the Tour Taylor, brings her extensive expertise and insight, having authored twenty acclaimed works, including the transformative title "Wired That Way." We will engage in an enlightening dialogue about how an enhanced understanding of personality can lead to deeper empathy, ultimately allowing us to cultivate more meaningful connections. This episode promises to challenge preconceived notions and inspire a reconceptualization of the dynamics that shape our interactions with those we cherish most.

The discourse in this episode addresses the profound complexities of human personality and its substantial implications for relational dynamics. The conversation, featuring distinguished guest Marita the Tour Taylor, initiates with a compelling question: could our persistent misunderstandings with loved ones stem from deeper, intrinsic differences in how we are wired, rather than mere communication failures or incompatibility? This inquiry sets the stage for a rich exploration of personality, which Marita asserts extends far beyond superficial assessments such as online quizzes. Throughout our discussion, we delve into the multifaceted nature of personality types, considering how they influence our emotional processing and interpersonal interactions. Marita's extensive experience as a bestselling author and personality expert provides a valuable framework for understanding these dynamics, encouraging us to reconsider our assumptions about conflict and connection in our relationships. We subsequently navigate the prevalent misconceptions surrounding personality assessments, particularly the fear of labeling individuals as a restrictive practice. Marita elucidates that the essence of personality comprehension should not be confined to rigid categorizations, but rather serve as a catalyst for growth and understanding. This perspective invites listeners to embrace personality insights as tools for enhancing relational depth, rather than simplistic labels that may limit personal expression. As the conversation progresses, we reflect on the significance of emotional needs that accompany various personality types, emphasizing that recognizing and addressing these needs is crucial for nurturing healthy relationships. This episode ultimately serves as a guide for listeners seeking to foster deeper connections, urging them to approach personality understanding not as an endpoint, but as a continuous journey of growth and relational enrichment.

Takeaways:

• Misunderstandings in relationships may stem from fundamental differences in personality wiring.
• Understanding personality types can transform how we interpret others' behaviors and intentions.
• Personality frameworks should facilitate growth rather than confine individuals to static labels.
• Recognizing personality differences can enhance communication and foster deeper connections in relationships.
• Emotional needs associated with personality types play a crucial role in relationship satisfaction.
• Awareness of personality dynamics can help navigate everyday interactions and conflicts more effectively.

Links referenced in this episode:

• thepersonalities.com
• amazon.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Tim LaHaye

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Dear listeners, what if the reason you keep misunderstanding the people closest to you is not about the bad intentions, the poor communication, or even compatibility, but something far more fundamental?

I'd say, what if it's all about wiring the way you were literally built to see the world, process emotion and connect with others.

And today's conversation is all about something that sounds simple on the surface, like personality, but it goes much, much deeper than any quiz result that you have ever filled out online.

So stay with us.

And this one's, I'd say, going to shift something.

Yes.

So, hey, dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Mind Meets Machine.

I'm your host, Avik, and you are in one of my favorite kinds of conversation today.

The kind where an idea you thought you understood completely opens up into something you were not expecting.

Yes.

And here today with us, we have a lovely guest.

Please welcome Marita the Tour Taylor.

Welcome to the show.

Thank you.

It's a treat to be with you.

Amazing, Amazing.

You gave me a great introduction, so thank you for that.

You really did.

You obviously did your homework and put that together.

Thank you so much.

And, and I'm really, really curious.

I have a lot of, I mean, a lot of curiosity is there.

So definitely, I believe people would love that.

And yeah, I can't wait for the conversation and deep dive into that.

But dear listeners, as you all know, like, every day I introduce you with lovely guests.

So today I would love to introduce you with Marita.

So she is a bestselling author with 20 books.

Yes, you heard that correct.

20 Books to her name, including her widely celebrated title, which is Void that Way, which has obviously helped thousands of people understand themselves and the people around them through the lens of the personalities.

So she has dedicated her work to one powerful idea, that when we understand how people are wired, we stop taking things personally and start building something very, very real.

And today we are going to explore why personality type matters beyond the labels, how it quietly shapes, I would say, every relationships in your life and what it means to finally stop wondering why the person you love the most seems to operate on a completely different frequency.

So why to wait?

Let's get started.

Welcome to the show again.

Yeah, great, thank you.

I'm so glad to be with you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

And, and so mar, like, as I was mentioning, like before, we get deep dive into the discussion.

So I always start with something like by asking that for you, like, what drew you to this work personally?

Like, was there a moment or a situation in your life where understanding personality Type, personality types changed something for you?

Not professionally, but personally also.

I mean, if you can share.

Well, yes and no.

I mean, the answer is really yes, but it's also no.

So my parents started into this topic, became aware of this topic when I was just nine years old.

And my mother read a book on this topic by someone named Tim LaHaye.

And the book was called the Spirit Controlled Temperament.

And I believe Tim LaHaye kind of brought this topic into the modern era.

And for my mother, she and my father were opposite from one another, very different personalities.

My mother was more the happy, go lucky type of person.

The person who had too much jammed into a day and as a result tended to be late for everything and forgot for things.

My father was very scheduled, very disciplined.

He had a calendar, he knew how to use the calendar.

And so it was really easy for my father, who was always right, to make my mother feel wrong.

And so when she read this book when I was nine years old, it was the first time for her that she looked at my father in a different way and saw that just because he was different didn't make him wrong and vice versa.

He saw that for her.

Eventually he didn't read the same book at the same time.

She read it first, began to change some of her interactions with him.

And it as a child, even I could see a difference in their relationship.

So I grew up with this.

And so that's why I kind of say, no, there isn't really a specific time.

Because this kind of eased into my family vocabulary and our lifestyle.

It became a common vocabulary that we all used.

However, the yes part to your question is when I started working, which for me was basically about 15, working in a fast food restaurant.

If you think about it, when you go to work is the first time in your life that you are forced to hang out with people or spend time with people that you don't necessarily like.

You know, when you're a young kid, if you don't like someone, you don't go play with them.

You know, you just.

And so you hang out with people you like.

But when you go to work, suddenly you're interacting with people that you wouldn't maybe choose to interact with, that you maybe don't have a vibe with.

And so that for me, that was really the kind of aha moment to this material that I'd really grown up with.

And I realized that if I could identify the personality type, the material I'd been raised with of the person that I was working with, then I would have More realistic expectations of them.

I might not take their behaviors so personally, and I could adjust my approach to them.

And so for me, that relationship with those people that I didn't necessarily get along with, you know, that I had to learn to work with, was really where this material became really impactful for me.

Amazing.

I mean, when we.

When we talk about this, I also.

I mean, every time I comes up with.

And I always ask this thing, because this definitely helps listeners to kind of put their scenarios also in that structure.

So.

Yeah, just like I talked about with my parents and I talked about with me with coworkers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And same way, like you mentioned about your parents and the coworkers.

So I want to bring this part as well about the misconceptions.

Why I'm saying, like, because I think there are a lot of people or most people, when they hear about the personality types, they think that Mares Briggs or they think.

Or they jump to the Internet's favorite.

I'd say 16 later combinations.

And there's a part of me that wonders, like, if all of that family has actually created a layer of misunderstanding around what personality really means in practice.

So from all of this, like, what is the biggest misconceptions that you keep running into when you talk about the personalities with people who have been there, done that, experienced that, or with other frameworks also?

Two things.

The first one is people will kind of go, oh, I'm not interested in that, because you're just putting people in a box.

That's one of the key things.

And honestly, it couldn't be further than the truth, because a.

Especially the way we and I talk about we.

My mother, who's now deceased, but she was fundamental with me in kind of shaping our approach.

And then I also have many people throughout the country and even the world who are certified personality trainers that I've trained to teach this material.

And so when I say we, that's what I mean.

And so what the way we teach this is that understanding what your own personality is, is merely a starting place.

It's a tool for growth.

That once you understand what your personal personality is, your inborn, natural personality, then you want to use it as a starting place.

And you look at the lists, for example, of these strengths and weaknesses that go with each personality type.

And not everybody has every one of those because we're all unique, of course.

But you look at those and you say, well, you know, I am, like, for me, I'm tend to be late.

Although you'll notice I was Here on time for you.

But I tend to be late, you know, I tend to forget things and so forth.

I'm much like my mother was, but I have had to work to overcome those weaknesses.

And so I can be on time and I can show up where I'm supposed to be and so forth.

So it's a tool for growth that once you realize kind of this is basically where I am and who I am, but I want to grow and I want to mature and I want to be a better person.

So I'm going to make a conscious decision to learn skills that are not necessarily natural to me.

And as human beings, we can do that.

We can learn skills that are not natural to us.

The second part of that is that I always tell people this is not about labels, it's about relationships.

So the label merely gives us a common vocabulary and it's something we can talk about, but it's not about putting people in a box.

So I think those are the two biggest misconceptions that, oh, you're just putting people in a box and that it's not about labels, it's really about relationships.

That's interesting.

So like, when someone comes to you carrying this baggage, maybe they have had a bad experience with typing or they feel boxed in by a label.

Right.

So how do you create that space?

I mean enough space for them to actually engage with that kind of fresh.

Yeah, well, one of the things is acknowledging that, you know, there are other systems out there that is for sure.

And they, many of them do just give you a label.

They leave you there, you go to assemble seminar, you read a book, whatever you take some kind of personality profile.

And yes, we have a personality profile as well that people can take.

We have both a paper version and we have a computer version of the personality profile.

So we have that as well.

But it's.

Many people in other systems give you a label, tell you this is who you are.

And I hear this over and over again when I'm teaching that I.

They told me I was a infg or whatever, you know, whatever the, the later labels are.

And people feel like, well, I know that's what I am, but I don't know what to do with it.

I don't know what that means.

And so some of the other systems are much more difficult to remember.

They're not as easy to apply.

And I feel that's one of the real strengths of the Wired that Way program is that we really focus on application and as I mentioned earlier, on growth, that you don't want to be stuck where you are.

You want to grow and mature and become a more balanced person, ideally.

Exactly, exactly.

So, okay.

And definitely I have to say this, that it's such an important distinction between using a framework to understand someone and using it to close them off.

So definitely there is friends.

Like, what I'm hearing is that the personalities is less about putting people in the boxes and more about giving you a language for the things that you have always noticed but never had the words for.

So that's a very good way to put it.

Yeah, exactly.

So that's a very different starting point.

I would say.

So.

Yeah.

And thank you so much for sharing that.

And.

And you know, like, let's also bring this about the day to day thing as well, because I think where this gets really powerful and also a little bit of uncomfortable.

Also, like most of our personality friction, it doesn't happen in a big dramatic moments, but it sometimes happens in small ones too.

So the conversation that went, I'd say sideways, the silence that felt cold, the reaction that felt out of proportion.

How does personality type actually show up in those everyday moments in our life that we tend to chalk up and chalk up to the moods or maybe stress or just we are kind of different.

That's what I was just going to say, and you brought up the word stress is that, you know, even if we do grow, as I encourage, we do mature, we do work to acquire skills that are not natural to us, and we do work to minimize our weaknesses.

That's the goal.

That's the big goal.

But when we are stressed, we resort back to naturally who we are, because to step outside of who we are naturally takes effort.

It takes emotional energy.

And when we're in a position where we're feeling stressed, we don't have that emotional energy.

And so the important thing is, if you're in a conversation with someone, as you mentioned, that maybe went sideways is to stop and look at who they are and what their needs are based on their personality and are those needs being met.

And probably they're not at a time that they're stressed that they're feeling very stressed.

And so if you can step back and look at that, and again, that takes a certain level of maturity.

Not everybody is willing to step back and look at that.

And honestly, not every relationship is worth that.

And I liken it to, you know, I mentioned that I started working at 15 years old in a fast food restaurant.

Well, the kid who's handing you your hamburger or whatever at a fast food restaurant is not a relationship that you care enough about to invest in, but your coworkers, your parents, your children, your spouse, those hopefully are relationships that are important enough to you to put forth that little bit of extra effort, that little bit of extra energy.

And let me just step back if I can for a moment because there's something you brought up a few minutes ago that I didn't step in on and I want to.

And that is one of the other things that's different about the Wired that Way program from other systems is that I teach it with an emphasis on understanding others, because as I mentioned, that's for me, what was really life changing.

Where many of the other systems that are out there give you a label of who you are, but they don't really tell you what to do.

And I believe you can, even if you don't understand your own personality, you can still use these tools in relationship with others.

And so I put a real strong emphasis on the relationship with others.

And so you, as you pointed out, if you're going sideways in a conversation, then you, if you have to care enough about that person to use these tools in relationship from them or with them.

I mean, excuse me.

Understood.

Yeah, yeah.

And also this is the very important part, like you talked about the idea that when, I mean, we tend to marry someone who's our opposite, like, which I find fascinating and also internally explains a lot of relationships.

I know, I mean, so, so why do you think that happens?

I mean, what is it in us that I mean, reaches towards someone word so differently?

Yeah, it is kind of an interesting phenomenon, isn't it, that we do really tend to be attracted naturally to someone who is very different from us.

And I think that's a natural, I think, you know, I think God intended it that way because if I use my fingers as a graph and like my fingertips are my strengths and the web part of my fingers is my weaknesses.

And I marry someone who's opposite from me.

Together we bring a full complement of skills to the table.

My husband is a cpa, means he does money.

And he says to me, marita, dates, times and numbers are not your friends.

And he is totally correct.

And hallelujah, I'm married to him.

So I don't have to worry about the money.

Like, you know, we're coming up on tax day and I don't have to worry about paying my taxes because I'm married to someone who's brilliant at that.

And he takes care of all of that.

Likewise, he tells me that if I wasn't in his life, he would probably just sit in his recliner and watch TV all the time and never go out, which is also true of him, except for to go to work.

But he would never, you know, he would never do anything.

So we come together, you know, and I challenge him and make him go, do be social and go out and do things.

And likewise, he kind of keeps track of me and keeps me from getting into trouble financially and legally.

So I think, think.

I think it's natural, you know.

And my husband now is my second husband.

And when I talk to people in SEM in a seminar kind of format, and they come up to me and they say, you know, I've listened to everything you've said, and I think my husband and I are really the same personality.

And I listen to them.

Give me the examples and why they think that, and I'll say, yeah, it does really sound like you two are the same personality.

And I will say, is this a second or third marriage for either one of you?

And I can tell you, every time I've had this conversation with someone, it is a second or third marriage for at least one of them.

And I believe that's because usually you're in a second marriage because the first one didn't work.

Sometimes it's due to death, but usually it's because the first one didn't work.

And since the first one didn't work, we're usually older and wiser the next time around.

And so I find that people will say to themselves, maybe not really consciously, but they say to themselves, well, my last marriage didn't work and he was like this.

So I'm going to go and try to find someone now who is opposite of him.

Or they say, my last marriage didn't work and he was totally different from me.

So I'm going to go try to find someone who's more like me.

And so sometimes, sometimes people do that.

Love is a funny thing.

Why do we fall in love with someone who's opposite from us?

I can tell you I've done it twice.

Me, who knows this, I've fallen in love twice with someone who was opposite from me.

Yeah.

And I don't.

Honestly, I don't know how anyone stays married that doesn't understand this because it's very.

We do tend to marry someone who's opposite from us.

Yeah.

But it's very easy to get into that marriage, to get into that relationship.

And before long, what was attracted becomes attack.

And if you can understand that, that person, you know, what they.

What they need.

Because one of the key things that we haven't talked, talked about a vic is the emotional needs.

In fact, we haven't even talked about what each of the personality types are.

But that's okay.

But exactly.

Each one comes with kind of a built in emotional need.

And if that emotional need is not met in that marriage, it very easily leads to affairs, it leads to seeking that.

And even if it's subconscious, you don't really realize that this need I have is not being met in my marriage.

And so it's very easy to make.

I'm a woman, so I'm going to use that example.

It's very easy to make her feel receptive to attention from someone outside the marriage because he's not giving me what I need.

And it's not, it's usually not conscious.

I mean, a husband in general is not going to say, well, I'm not going to give her what she needs.

No, it's subconscious.

You don't really realize that.

And so as you mentioned earlier, understanding this gives you a vocabulary where you can talk about that together without being accusatory because, you know, we just didn't know this before.

Exactly.

Oh,.

I can see your thinking.

I mean, I'm.

I'm just thinking of one thing is like it's, it's almost like we are unconsciously seeking completion.

I mean, which is, which is definitely beautiful in theory and genuine in its best.

In its best.

Beautiful.

Exactly, exactly.

Because.

Because you are not in just a relationship with a person, but you are in a relationship with someone who is totally different.

Or I would say in language of computer, it's like operating system.

So, so nobody really prepares you for that.

So that's, that's, you know, it's interesting.

That you say nobody prepares you for that.

Yeah.

Because I sell a lot of these personality profiles to churches that do premarital counseling.

In fact, just a couple weeks ago, maybe it was five weeks or so ago now, but I got a call from a church in Florida that I have.

Throughout the past few years, I have shipped hundreds of personality profiles off to them at a time.

And then months later, they order more.

Well, I never ask what they're doing with them.

They order them through my website.

I have no communication with the people, but I personally packaged them up and shipped them to them.

And the guy that I sell them to recently called me and he said, you know, we do, in this church, we do 250 marriages a year now.

That's nearly one a day.

I mean, that's a lot of marriages to be going on in a church.

And he said, we, in our premarital counseling, with every couple that's getting married in our church, we.

We make them take the personality profile.

And he explained to me that now people that they're dealing with in this premarital counseling, they're doing more of it via zoom, because not all the couples live right there.

And he asked me, is there a way we can get them the personality profile electronically?

And so, of course, I explained to them, yes, we have that available electronically, but he's just one church.

But I have a lot of churches around the country, around the United States, that use the personality profile with couples that are getting married.

I, I exactly.

I exactly feel that.

And from there, like, I want to ask, like, because I think there, this is.

This is where most growth framework sometimes falls short.

Like, people have the insight they understand themselves better, maybe they even understand their partner or their colleagues better also.

And.

And then life happens.

Old patterns again start coming back.

The frustration again returns back.

So how do people hold onto this work when the pressure is on and the old reactions want to take over?

Yeah, and that's.

That's a good question, because we talked about stress earlier.

And when you are.

And it takes emotional energy to step outside of who you are and care about those other people.

And I don't think there's really a strong answer, because when you are stressed, when you are in a difficult place, you may resort back to that original self, but then when you are in a little bit stronger place, a little bit better place, then hopefully you can go to that person and apologize and say, you know what?

I'm sorry, I was out of line, I misbehaved, I did something inappropriate, whatever.

Whatever it was, and I know better than that, and I hope that you'll forgive me.

That's.

You know, that whole apology forgiveness thing is a big part of relationships.

And I think if you have to kind of eat humble pie a few times, that it will help you kind of not fall back.

But, I mean, it's.

Unfortunately, it's natural that we do fall back to who we are naturally and not into the more evolved self that we'd like to present all the time.

And I think all of us wish that the image that we portrayed to the world is always our best self.

But the reality is that's not always how it works.

And so apology acknowledgement, apology forgiveness can go a long way.

Exactly.

I agree.

I totally agree.

So, I mean, if.

If someone wants to connect with you, want to have a More discussion and understanding about this, how they can connect with you.

I have two, two ways.

Main thing, though, is we have a website simply called the personalities.com because the whole wired that way approach is we.

The greater body of work we call the Personalities.

So you can go to thepersonalities.com you can take the electronic profile there, you can order the paper profile there, but you can also get them from Amazon.

My book, Wired that Way, which is now in its 20th year of publication, is available free on Amazon.

If you're a Kindle Unlimited member, you can go there, click on it, boom, and the book shows up in your Kindle.

Personally, for this type of book, I prefer paper when I'm reading because I want to highlight, I want to notate.

But you can get the book through Amazon, you can get the personality profile through Amazon, but the electronic profile, you can only get from the Personalities.

There's also, if you go to the personalities dot com, there's a tab at the top of the website that says resources.

And if you click on that, every podcast I've done, such as this one, I put a link there.

And so there's a whole series of free resources that are there.

There's also links to speeches that I've given.

There's links to speeches my mother has given when she was still alive and was still actively out speaking.

And so there's a lot of free resources available available for people@the personalities.com as well.

Amazing.

So, dear listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links and the details into the show notes for your easy reference and so that you can easily reach out to Maritha.

And thank you so much, Maritha.

This has been one of those conversations that makes all of us want to call someone you love and just see them differently.

And I think that's the best thing the conversation can do.

I love that.

Thank you.

Exactly.

And.

And dear listeners, I have to say this, that if you're listening to this add something landed for you tonight or today.

A question, a realization, a new way of looking at someone in your own life.

Hold on to that.

Don't rush past it.

That feeling is, I would say, information.

With this, I have to say this has been Mindmeats Machine.

I'm your host awake.

And if this episode meant something to you, please share it with someone who needs to feel a little more understood today.

Right.

So I'll not take much of time and I'll see you soon.

The next episode.