Summary

In this episode, guest, Angie Read, shares with MaryLayo her journey of surviving two unexpected strokes at age 46 and 47, and the impact this had on her mental health.

Concluding with a touch of spiritual wellness, MaryLayo offers a reflective tip from Proverbs 4:20-22, before inviting listeners to join her next time for more insights on mental health and spiritual wellbeing. Remember to follow and share if you found Angie's story helpful.

For dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.

#BeyondTheSmile #MaryLayoTalks #StrokeSurvivor #MentalHealthAwareness #InvisibleScars

Guest details:

Angie Read is an author and devoted mother of three who had a massive stroke followed by a more minor one. Afterwards, she was plagued by post-stroke anxiety and post-stroke depression. Today, Angie is sharing her story—and the tips and tools that helped her survive—to help as many fellow stroke survivors as possible. Angie's books include: Invisible Scars, Mental Health Hacks, Identity Crisis & Rise.

Guest's website: https://legacycoachingforher.com/

Guest's social media: You Tube, Facebook & LinkedIn.

Marylayo's spiritual wellbeing tip: Meditate on Bible scripture Proverbs 4:20-22.

For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.

Welcome to beyond the smile with me, Mary Lyle, a podcast that discusses mental

health and spiritual wellbeing.

If you like what you hear, please do remember

to follow and share.

But before we jump in, there may be episodes

that are particularly sensitive for some listeners.

And if that applies, then I hope you'll join me whenever you feel ready and able.

In today's episode, I'm talking to guest Angie Reid about her recovery from two strokes.

Angie shares about her battle with anxiety and depression and the impact on her family and

career while on her journey to recovery.

I first asked Angie if she knew what caused

her strokes and how long ago this happened.

Let's join in the conversation.

The first one was the big one, and that was in 2017.

It's coming up on the seven year anniversary of that one.

And then I had a smaller one about eight months after that.

They think birth control pills was a major contributor to my strokes, as well as being a

migraine sufferer.

So just a few things to watch out for.

Women are always at a higher risk for stroke, period, and then any kind of hormone

treatment.

And I have migraines with auras, which means I

have a telltale sign that I'm getting a migraine about 30 minutes before I get a blind

spot in one of my eyes.

And that means I have a migraine with aura.

I've learned this since my strokes.

If your migraine sufferer with aura and you're

on birth control or, and you smoke and you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol,

your.

Your risk goes up.

My cholesterol and my blood pressure has always been fine.

I've been a very, very healthy person my whole life.

So having a stroke was completely out of the blue and just unexpected.

I was 46.

So you mentioned about the migraine or symptom, the sign that you have from time

to time.

So on the day that you had that big stroke,

what exactly were the symptoms that you experienced?

So the weekend before, I was suffering from probably the worst migraine I've ever had

in my life because it lasted two days.

And on day two, my blind spot got, like three

times as big as it had ever been.

And I just.

I couldn't knock out the migraine with normal ibuprofen, which is usually what I would take.

And I ended up having to go to the ER and get, like, a migraine cocktail IV to help, and that

knocked it down.

Monday, I went to work with just a standard

headache, and I was fine by the end of the day.

Monday.

Tuesday morning, I woke up in the middle of

having a stroke.

I was paralysed on the left side of my body,

so and so it was definitely completely out of the blue.

And then the Tuesday morning that I did have the stroke, I woke up unable to move anything

on the left side of my body.

Ended up getting to the hospital, having a ct

scan there, and it showed two clots, one in my neck and one in my brain.

And it was obviously, you know, depriving part of my brain of oxygen, and I ended up having

clot removal surgery to get the clots out of my brain.

So I was very, very lucky that I got immediate surgery and was able to have that oxygen flow

back into my brain so quickly, because most people are not so lucky.

Most people wait a little while before they get help.

Luckily, my husband noticed the symptoms immediately and called 911 without hesitating.

And he even said, I think you're having a stroke.

And I said, no, I can't be having a stroke.

I'm sure I'm still just half asleep because it

was as I was waking up and he didn't listen to me.

Thank God, because every second counts when it comes to stroke and brain, because every

second lost is brain loss.

And you don't get those cells back, they don't

grow back.

So then, basically, what did your recovery then, after that surgery, what did

your recovery entail?

Yes, so I had a couple of months of almost daily physical, occupational and speech

therapy, usually in that order.

I had outpatient rehab, so I got to go there

during the day and come home in the evening.

And it was very intense, but I was very lucky

that I, I was able to recover so quickly.

So the.

The biggest telltale sign was I had drooping on the left side of my face.

Um, so they attached some electrodes to my cheek that would, like, stimulate the muscle.

And I did a lot of.

A lot of exercises and, and, like, tongue

twisters and things like that to get my tongue and my mouth working again.

And then occupational therapy where.

Where we really focused on my fine motor

skills a little bit more on my left side.

It was hard because I, I could move my hand,

but I couldn't do anything fine motor skills.

So I had to do a lot of exercises with that.

That was about two months worth of recovery or rehab.

And then I went back to work because I thought I looked fine.

I was like, I don't look like I had a stroke.

And I guess it's time for me to go back to

work.

But what I didn't realise is that my brain had

not caught up with my body when I went back to work and tried to push myself like I've always

done in my career, I've always been very career oriented and very much of a

perfectionist in everything I do.

And I went back and I thought I could function

at the same level as I had before, and I really pushed myself.

But what was happening was I was starting to get post stroke anxiety and post stroke

depression, and they kind of wreaked havoc on my brain and made it so that I thought I had

cognitive deficits from the stroke, because I wasn't able to think straight, I wasn't able

to think quickly.

I've always been somebody who's been writing

in my career, and I just couldn't seem to make sense of sentences, and it was all just too

much.

And I ended up having to be hospitalised for

my post stroke mental health, which was very serious, and it got me into a crisis

situation.

Is it when you went back to work that you noticed about your, I guess, your

cognitive skills, you know, the thinking and processing information?

Was it when you got back to work, or would you say it was even before then?

It was probably starting to show up just a little bit before then, because my

oldest child was going off to college, and even though he was only going, like, 30 miles

down the road, he was still moving out of the house.

And as my oldest child is the first one to fly the nest, and I was a little down about it,

but I hadn't tested my brain the way that work tests your brain.

Things are different when you're in your work environment.

I worked in an open office concept where you can hear everyone else on the phone and all

the hustle and bustle.

And what I didn't know is that my stroke brain

was overstimulated by that much noise and that much, you know, that much stuff happening

around me when I was at home, you know, it was quiet and you just have your family members,

and then.

And the pressure I put on myself to perform

really exacerbated everything.

What were the signs of the anxiety and the depression that you said came a couple

of months after.

At the time, I had never suffered with depression before.

I had had some experience with anxiety, but just normal anxiety of everyday life, of being

a mom.

And I'd been on a low dose anxiety medication

probably for 15 years before I had my stroke.

After my stroke, that medication no longer

worked.

It's like my brain became, you know, immune to

that medication, because when you have a stroke, there are biochemical changes in the

brain.

That can affect how you respond to different

medications.

Really, for me, I guess the anxiety was just

always being very stressed about going to work.

I mean, I've always worked in a high pressure situation, worked in agencies all my life, but

I would dread going to work.

I would have to meditate before I left the

house.

I would have to meditate in the parking garage

when I got there because my heart was just always beating really fast.

And I always felt like I had a tonne of bricks on my chest all the time and that I couldn't

quite breathe.

I knew it was probably anxiety.

I didn't know where it was coming from, you know?

And I've had people ask me to describe what it feels like to have major anxiety.

I always say it feels like that moment right before you were in a car accident where you're

just like, have this heightened sense of fear, and just your body responds, and it feels like

you're having that feeling all day, every day.

And it is so debilitating.

And then for me, the depression was just.

I kind of lost all affect.

My voice was, like, monotone, and nothing brought me joy at all.

It wasn't like I was sad or, you know, uncontrollably emotional.

I had no emotions whatsoever, and nothing brought me joy.

My kids weren't bringing me joy.

Work wasn't bringing me joy.

Actually, not being able to perform my job at the level I had before was even bringing me

more down and making me hard on myself.

So I was putting so much pressure on myself

that the depression and anxiety, it's like they had room to grow.

It's like it was perfect conditions for them to go out of control.

I was having horrible insomnia, which just made everything worse, because if you don't

get sleep, you don't get the right rest.

And I just.

I wasn't getting the right nutrition.

I wasn't getting sleep because I had insomnia

and I felt tired all the time.

And how long did this go on for, this state of high anxiety and depression?

Well, it lasted for several months before I got help, so I think I was probably.

I dealt with it for about three months.

My doctor and I were trying different

medication combinations, and I was going to therapy.

It just wasn't helping, and work wasn't letting up.

And so it just three months later, after I returned to work, I was in crisis mode.

My family was so concerned about me because I wasn't the same person at all.

And, you know, I've always been a very happy, very glass half full type person.

Very positive.

And I just.

I had nothing.

It was like I was a shell of my former self,

but I was on edge all the time.

And my family intervened and said, we need to

do something.

You need to get more help here.

And so I went to see a psychiatrist, and he recommended that I go get evaluated for an

intensive outpatient programme, an IOP at one of our local psychiatric hospitals.

So when I went to be evaluated, they basically said, we need to admit you.

I wasn't necessarily suicidal at the time, but I had lost my grip on reality.

I thought everyone was lying to me.

I call it my nervous breakdown.

I was just a different person.

And so they admitted me because it seemed like

I was on the verge of crisis.

They asked me if I was suicidal, and I said, I

don't know.

I mean, I felt like I had the potential to end

my own life.

So the first time I was admitted, I was there

for about five days.

And I just.

I hated it so much and I felt so out of place and so much, like I was just failing in life.

Not that I didn't feel like I had mental health problems.

I just thought I was not strong enough to deal with my problems and that I didn't belong

there and that I wasn't as serious or bad off as everyone else.

And so I just made this decision that I was going to play the game, everything they told

me to do, so I could get out of there as fast as possible and prove everyone wrong.

And so I did.

You know, I met with the psychiatrist in the

hospital a few times, went to all the group therapies, all the group activities every day

for about five straight days.

And I convinced them that I was ready to be

released.

And then after five days, they were like,

okay, we're going to release you, but we want you to start our intensive outpatient

programme in three days.

I wasn't fixed.

I just wasn't well.

And I believed that everyone was laughing at

me, that everyone thought I was a failure and that my family would be better off without me.

And I lined up all my medications on my bathroom counter, and I really thought very

seriously about taking them all.

It's crazy because I've had acquaintances or

friends that have taken their own life before.

And I guess what I always thought was, what a

selfish thing to do, especially if you have kids.

How could anyone do that? When you're in the throes of mental health

crisis and that trauma, your brain is lying to you.

Your brain is telling you to do it.

Your brain is telling you that everyone would

be better off without you, that you are a burden and that nothing will ever get better.

So now I know how people can get to that point and that in that moment, it is not a selfish

act.

In that moment, it's just a desperate need to

get out of pain and to help, you know, their loved ones and their family to not be in pain

and not have the burden of you.

Thank God I didn't do it.

That night, a voice in the back of my head just kept saying, this is not your legacy.

This is not your legacy to take your own life.

I felt very lucky as a stroke survivor that I

was still alive and that I could still walk and talk and function.

And I thought, who am I to take my own life when I was just spared my life three months

ago?

And so then was it that the three days later, that intensive outpatient

programme that kind of got you out of that season?

You know, I wish I could say yes, but I refused to go to the IOP three days later, I

just.

I flat out refused.

I couldn't get out of bed.

It just.

It seemed like it was at the same hospital that I had just been in.

And I just was like, they didn't help me the first time, so why would I go back?

And my sister came to pick me up that morning.

She said, I'm coming to get you and I'm taking

you.

Because my poor husband was so tired, I wasn't

letting him sleep during any of this crisis as well.

So he was passed out, so tired.

But my sister came over and she was like, get

up, you're getting dressed.

I'm taking you.

But I wouldn't comply.

I just.

I wasn't myself.

But once we got in the car and left my

driveway, she said, I'm not taking you back there.

I'm taking you to a different mental health facility to be evaluated.

We'll take you someplace else, but you need something, you know, this is not right.

You are not better.

So I went to a different mental health

facility.

So you're with others that are going through

very similar, you know, obstacles as you learning different strategies for overcoming

it and learning that you're not alone.

And it was twelve weeks, three days a week, 3

hours at a time.

So it was 9 hours a week for twelve weeks.

And that saved my life for sure.

That's what I credit was teaching me so much

about how to manage my own mental health going forward.

So really at that point, it wasn't anything to do with your physical health, it

really was about your mental health and getting you back on track and being the person

that you remembered to be.

Absolutely, yes.

I was very lucky in that I had very, very

minor physical deficits from the stroke.

Nothing that most people would know.

I could tell the difference in my facial droop a little at that point.

It was still kind of noticeable.

And I had a little bit of drop foot on the

left side where I could hear my left foot dragging just a little.

But I can't complain because I was able to walk without a cane or without assistive

devices, and I was able to use my, you know, my hand, my arms.

I could shower by myself and things that most stroke survivors cannot do.

It took my psychiatrist many months, and I hate to say it was probably a couple of years

before I really had my mental health under control, to a point where I was like, yes, I

can go back to work now.

I can do Angie things now.

But it was a lot of trial and error until I got the medication combination right and also

was sleeping again and was able to eat again, because that's another thing, is my appetite

was non existent and I lost a bunch of weight.

So, Angie, what are the kind of things that you had to follow?

What are the kind of tips, the advice, the work that you had to do?

What does that look like?

It was quite a combination of things.

I had a lot of people that meant very, very

well along my recovery journey and were giving me, like, self help books and telling me to

follow self help podcasts and other things.

I just wanted a quick and easy way to feel

better.

But what a lot of the things I learned, I put

in this little booklet called mental health hacks, ten easy hacks to help manage anxiety

and depression.

It's just a little booklet, and it's just ten

things I learned along the way.

And they're not rocket science, but it's kind

of nice to have them in a handy little book.

And the first one, and again, they're not

rocket science.

But starting with journaling.

My therapist had recommended journaling, and I just was like, no, I'm not really a journaler.

And then she said, I really, but I really encourage you.

It's not like you're just keeping a diary, writing everything that happened during your

day.

But, you know, let's.

Let's do it in a therapeutic way.

I want you to write down your thoughts and

feelings throughout the day and what's triggering that, or try to pinpoint what's

triggering that.

And then over time, you can go back into your

journal and see patterns, maybe and be able to address some of those patterns.

So through therapy, I started journaling.

And I tell other stroke survivors who can't

write because they've lost that ability to journal in a different way.

Maybe it's journaling through using a scribe or using like a talk to text app or something,

or journaling through creative exploration, but you have to get your thoughts out so that

you can examine them.

And so that, for me, was very beneficial.

I also learned how to meditate.

Meditation and mindfulness were huge as far as

being able to calm my mind, just knowing that I was safe and secure in the present moment.

And then exercise.

Exercise is key because it releases the

certain feel good chemicals into our brain.

And then the next one is really fresh air and

sunshine on your face.

Breathing the fresh air and the oxygen that

you get when you go outside is so important.

And also getting sunlight on your face within

20 minutes of waking up is really, really important for your circadian rhythms.

And it just really, it makes a huge impact on your mental health.

That's why a lot of people have seasonal depression.

When it gets dark and dreary in this, in the winter, I bought myself one of those little

happy light things that like, simulates natural light to have during dark winter

months.

So it sounds like you really changed your lifestyle.

That was a big factor for you then.

And is this something, Angie, that you've

continued to adopt and make part of your lifestyle even till today?

Yeah. And I'm really glad that you asked me that because it's not a one and done.

It's not okay, I'm cured.

You know, I'll never have to deal with anxiety

and depression again.

For me, it's a daily practise.

There are several things I try to do every day, like journaling and meditating and

practising gratitudes, getting outside.

I don't exercise every day, but I exercise as

often as I can during the week.

And then some of the other little hacks that I

have are things like keeping your hands busy and that takes up space that anxiety and

depression can't take up.

And following a routine is very important too.

And do you still struggle? Would you still say you struggle to maintain

your mental health? Hell's life.

Like for you now, things are pretty.

Steady and things are pretty good.

But I still have fear that, you know, I might

get anxiety and depression again.

Because, long story short, now I'm not.

I'm back to not working in corporate communications.

My doctor eventually told me I needed to be in a much less stressful environment or it would

kill me because I had two warning shots.

You know, the first stroke is the one I

basically talked about, but I had a much smaller one about eight months later.

And I think that one was definitely caused by stress.

And I had to deliberately take a huge step back in my position and my title and my role

at work.

And that was kind of a blow to my ego.

But honestly, it kind of set me free in a way, because what I've really discovered is that I

was just not finding fulfilment in it anymore.

You know, I had always been fulfilled because

my ego was getting a shot of adrenaline every time I won an award or every time I got a

promotion or.

And then I think I realised after having my

strokes that that's not what life is about.

That's not what brings me joy.

What brings me joy are the little things.

And I think having that mental health crisis

that I had opened my eyes to, everything beautiful that surrounded me in my life, that

I had maybe been a little blinded to because I was such a workaholic.

And my most recent corporate job, I got laid off from about eight or nine months ago.

And it was a blessing in disguise because it allowed me to focus on writing, focus on

helping other stroke survivors.

And I became a life coach, and now I focus on

helping female stroke survivors help reclaim their confidence after their strokes because I

lost all confidence in myself.

I lost everything that I'd ever known.

I thought my career was completely over.

And with that, I lost my identity at the time.

And so I've written another book about the identity crisis you have when your career is

stripped from you.

Angie, like you mentioned about how much of a help your husband was, your hubby,

but how he was, you know, he was so tired because of, I guess, that impact on him

himself.

What kind of things would you say to ice?

Well, the support network of stroke survivors, you know, what kind of things would you say to

them? Because they're very much in it and they also

are impacted and they are.

They're very much directly impacted.

It's very hard on the family.

It's very, especially hard on the significant other because they have to pick up the slack

that you're dropping.

Like, for me, I couldn't go back to work.

I was on disability and my husband was not on disability.

So he was still working full time and he was juggling me and making sure I was safe in a

safe environment and trying to, you know, still work and still support our family and

support my kids and everything else.

Luckily, my kids were a little bit older by

this, this time.

But I would just say, give yourself grace and

have patience with yourself because it's so hard to be a caregiver.

It's so hard.

And if you've never been through anxiety or

depression, clinical anxiety or depression in your life, you can't really understand it.

It wasn't until it happened to me that I fully understood other family members that had had

mental health problems before in my life, because I used to always look at my sister who

had had anxiety and think, why are you so anxious?

You have nothing to be anxious about.

Your life is fine.

You know, it was, I didn't understand.

And so it's try to have some understanding.

I think if you read my book, you'll get a little bit deeper into what your stroke

survivor or loved one is going through and what's going through their mind.

It helps to have a little bit of that perspective, but it's very hard to be a

caregiver.

And, you know, it's so hard on the kids

because they want their old parent back.

I mean, my, my daughter, she was 13.

One day she said to me, she said, I miss my fun mom, and that still hurts me.

I mean, of course she didn't mean to hurt me, but she missed her fun mom, and I missed fun

Angie, too.

And at the time, I said, I miss her, too, but

hopefully she'll be back.

And I wasn't convinced at the time that I

would ever get her back.

But she's back and she's happy and she's fun

again.

So there's one other book which is called invisible Scars.

Yes, that's the first book.

What's that one about?

So my book talks about the mental health and emotional health challenges that

are out there.

And I wanted other stroke survivors to know

that these things are common.

You are not alone.

There is help.

Just have faith, have patience and reach out

for help because you can get past it.

That's what that book is about.

I love that.

Have faith, have patience.

And, yeah, I always tell people, have.

Patience and give yourself grace.

Not everything happens in a day when you're in

mental health crisis.

You want it fixed immediately.

We're always looking for immediate answers because it is so painful, but it's not

immediate, unfortunately.

So I guess I want to ask, what would you say to the Angie right in the thick of

that drama, that life changing season, what would you say to the Angie back then?

Yeah, I probably would say, it gets better.

Don't worry.

It gets better.

You will be back.

Just give yourself time.

Patience.

Do the work and you will get yourself back.

I think that's key.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

You just have to put in the work and you just have to have faith.

Fantastic.

Here's a spiritual wellness tip for you to

meditate on.

It's proverbs, chapter four, verses 20 to 22.

And it reads, my child, pay attention to what I say.

Listen carefully to my words.

Don't lose sight of them.

Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them and

healing to their whole body.

Thanks for listening.

Do follow and join me again next time on beyond the smile with Mary Lou.