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How? It’s A Trap!
Episode 14423rd January 2023 • Lets Be Honest Before We Start Pretending • Kelly Mobeck
00:00:00 00:20:15

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Do you know what the $1,000,000.00 question is? How, and then fill in the blank.  Seriously it is a question that gets asked over and over.  Think about it, we see someone who has lost a bunch of weight and the first thing we ask? “How did you do it?” Here’s what I know: the how is way less compelling than why they did it. Why “aka” purpose gets to the core of why it is important to you and gives you direction and often motivation to keep at it.  The how is not unimportant but certainly not the first question to ask yourself when you are up to creating the life and business you want, and that my friends are what we are exploring today.

Highlights from this episode:

(01:13) The $1 million question

(05:41) What stops you from making a quick decision?

(11:03) Analysis paralysis

(15:08) Stop and get clear

As mentioned in this episode:

Share your Curiosity Challenges, learnings, and any questions 


We are so excited that LIFT(her) the 12 month group coaching program for women is back and a new Cohort starts April 5, 2023.

Are you a woman in business? Been thinking about taking a leap? Ready to make bold and massive moves? Love collaborating with highly committed and motivated women?

CLICK HERE and apply to join us for the LIFT(her) 12 month coaching program for women where you will get the results you want as we dive into the four pillars of "The LIFT Method" to create an EPIC year of impact, growth, and success.

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Hey everyone. I'm Kelly Eck, a coach and a leadership trainer, and I'm super passionate about helping you. Find out who you are authentically as a leader. Own it and go out and make an impact in your life and the lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your gifts, your unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders don't wait.

They create, I know firsthand that life is gonna throw us curve balls. That we're gonna doubt our greatness, our ideas, and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion for you each week so that you feel inspired, motivated, and most important in action toward your unique impact in this world.

So let's jump in. Hey there everyone. It's Coach Kelly. Welcome to episode 1 44 of Let's be Honest, before we start pretending. I am so very happy and thankful that you are here today listening in, and I trust that you are enjoying. These revisits to fan favorite episodes that help you really set up your year.

And today we are gonna talk about the $1 million question, which is how , how, how, how do I, right. It's like the million dollar question. And honestly, if I had the answer to all the how's. Well then I'd have so many of the millions, I guess. Right. Listen, how's a trap? And we're gonna talk about that today.

We're gonna talk about how really focusing out on how initially is a trap, and we're gonna talk about the things that you wanna put in front of that before you go to how to really. Help you lock it in and be able to move through anything that's gonna get in your way and not get stuck in the how trap.

So this is a great episode. It's super helpful and I know you're gonna get a ton of value from it. I wanna remind you that the Lift Her Group Coaching program is about to start. You are not too late, so please jump on over. To my website, the link is in the show notes. And if you are ready to take on a year of transformation like no other, this is for you.

Okay? So set up a clarity call with me, apply for the program. We are here to support you in the best year of your life. So enjoy today's episode, how it's a trap, and for those of you that are ready to take on your next level. And have one of the most amazing years of transformation in your life. Join us and lift her, our group coaching program for women.

It is awesome and I cannot wait to see you there, so enjoy this episode and I'll talk with y'all next week. Take care either everyone. Welcome to today's episode of, let's Be Honest, before we start pretending with Coach Kelly. That's me. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I trust that you have been enjoying some of the most recent questions that I have been asked, and not just recently.

They are really questions that I get asked a lot as a coach. And today we wanna talk about one. I hear it asked all over the place, not even just as a coach. And let me tell you something. I myself have asked this question. Time and time again. And what I want you to know, when I tell you what the question is, it's a trap, , it's a trap.

It's a useful question, but it's a trap if we start with it. And that question is, How question mark one word. How So today we're gonna talk about that because certainly it's always great to know how we're going to fill in the blank. But if you think about it and you start with the question, how oftentimes we can get a blank screen in our.

we get a blank screen in our brain because we're not rooted in some really key principle things, which I'm gonna talk about in a little bit. So think about that. We've been talking about January being a really strategic month, where we. Get to be thoughtful. We get to be purposeful in really planning out what this year ahead is gonna be.

We get to be thoughtful and purposeful about what success means to us. We are in a time right now where people are giving themselves permission. To slow down and really be thoughtful, really be purposeful, and not just quick to get things done. Now, listen, I am not saying that we don't wanna be quick. At times we do right As the CEOs in our business.

If you're an entrepreneur or you are the leader in your family, a leader in your family, you are a leader in an organization, you are a leader in your life. You guys know I hold you all as leaders. Yes, I do. You're a leader in your life, so making decisions quickly and not ruminating, ruminating on them is always a great idea to get clear and move forward.

However, what stops us from being able to do that, from making a decision quickly? is that pesky little three letter word with a question mark on the end called how So we're gonna talk about that because it's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. Until you know why you really want something, what that's really gonna bring into your life, into your business, into your relationships, asking how is a trap?

And here's. When we go to the word how before we are so rock solid, clear is into why we want something that's purpose. You guys, we talk about it all the time here on this podcast. If we are not rock solid, clear on why we want something. Purpose, our purpose in it and why it's important. How's not gonna matter if we're not rock solid, clear on the outcomes and the goals that we're gonna create and what that's gonna bring into our life, into our business, into our relationships.

How's not gonna matter? And so remember last week we talked about the three A's we talked about, making sure that it aligns with our purpose and vision. You know, when we're up to things, creating outcomes and goals, we wanna make sure that it aligns with our purpose and our vision. And also our values really, and who we're being, is it aligning?

And we want to also assess what the investment's gonna be, mind, body, and soul. We wanna assess that. We wanna be thoughtful, we wanna be purposeful, we wanna slow down a little. Okay, you guys hear my dog, Dixie. She's saying, Hey, you might hear her do a little squeal every now and again. She couldn't help herself.

She wanted to join us today. So, hey Doodle Bear, thanks for playing. Okay, and then the last A is a sign, right? So we've made the decision and we assign. Right now, we assign it into a priority. We create boundaries that are gonna support it. We schedule it, we make it real. So notice when we're doing that, we haven't even gotten to how yet.

But that's such a foundational piece is that we get so rock solid, clear who we're being, is it in alignment with our purpose and vision? What's our investment mind, body, and. And is it a priority? Are we assigning it as a priority? And are we creating boundaries that support that? So once you've literally looked at all that, make a decision, go for it.

Don't go into analysis paralysis. Go ahead and make a decision. And if you find yourself going, ah, but how? Stop How is not gonna be part of it? Because when you're rock solid, clear on the other things I just talked about, how is gonna start to become clearer? Okay, so think about this too. I always think about this, especially this time of year when people are not taking on new goals, new projects.

Health goals. Weight loss is a great example. This is one that pretty much anybody can wrap their brain around. You run into someone you haven't seen in a long time and they've lost a good amount of weight such that you really can tell. So what do you do? Hey, you look great. You've lost some weight. Yes.

Thank you for noticing. Thank you. Thank you. I've got these new jeans on. I'm feeling good. How did you do? Boom. The very first question that comes out, how did you do it? Okay? And then, you know, the person's probably happy to share how they did it, but can you imagine what would happen if we asked. Why did you take on losing weight?

Or what was your purpose in losing weight? Can you imagine how richer that conversation would be? We don't typically do it, but let me tell you something. Someone who has successfully lost weight is pretty darn clear on why they wanted to do it, and they're really clear on the outcomes that it was going to bring them.

Otherwise, it would be really hard to create that success. The how was the mechanism or the vehicle that took us to the result? It's the mechanics. Okay? It's the mechanics. It is important to find the right program. Find the nutrition plan that works for you, moving your body. Find that exercise routine, right?

Those are mechanics, the mechanisms, the vehicle in which we do. , right? But can you imagine when you start from how even the most clear of people can get stuck in some analysis paralysis, and then all of a sudden, guess what shows up? I don't know. I don't think I'm gonna have the time for it. I don't think I'm gonna be able to stop and plan and prep.

Plan and prep. I, I, ooh. Do you know how busy I am? I don't, I don't think I'm gonna have the time. You mean, uh, do I what? Like what's it gonna take? How am I g How am I gonna get up early if I wanna really get that workout in? Okay. Notice analysis paralysis in the how, in the how, and we're losing sight of why we wanna.

and what we want because we probably aren't clear. That's why we're losing sight. We're just not clear in that moment before we take it on. And so the point being is that you want to stop. and get so incredibly clear that on the days that you don't want to, that's what's gonna compel you to move forward.

Someone who's a runner that runs because they know that it's good for them and they know that it clears their mind, it sets the tone for a great day, and it helps them keep with their health goals. You know, when it's freezing cold and the alarm goes off, they're probably not like, hoo. Let's go for a run.

I mean, some might be right, but there's something beyond that's compelling them to do that. They're so clear why they do it. They're so clear what it brings into their life that despite cold temperature, they're gonna go anyway. They're gonna go anyway, and they're not thinking about how. . Okay, so that's what I want you guys to know.

How is a great question? Once you're clear why you want something and what it is, why it's important to you, but don't go there before you're clear on that because it's a trap. You will talk your stuff out. You'll play the waiting game. I can take this podcast as a great example. Really good example. You know, you've heard me say this a million times.

I sat on the idea of having a podcast. For a really long time. Why? Because I was in the how of it completely and I thought, holy cow, it's gonna take too much time. How much is this gonna cost me? And what's the tech that I need and how am I gonna figure this out In really honestly, time. Was a big factor.

Money came in a close second, really and truly. And there's three things that we make up that stop us, and that is time. That is money. And the third thing I call authority, which literally equates to, I've gotta create agreements with somebody else. Now let me tell you something. Those all get wrapped up in the how, not saying they're not important, but they're all areas that are coach.

Every one of them because time is a resource. Money's a resource. People are resources. And truly where there is, you guys have heard this before, it's so cliche where there's a will, there's a way. We figure it out. We really do. When we really want something and we're so crystal clear on our purpose that answers why, why it's important, and what the outcome is that we're gonna create, we will figure the Rest Out.

Podcast great example. As soon as I got clear that the purpose of this podcast was to be able to support people out in the world. Taking the lead in their life and that the outcome of the podcast would be that it would create an impact in people's lives, and that they would then be ripples and it would create further impact, so on and so on.

I was all in, and so then it was just a matter of asking for help. To support my how I didn't have the time. That is a true story. I really did not have time to figure out all the tech, nor did I want to. It was not best use of my time. Okay? So I hired the podcast Boutique . Shout out Lindsay. Shout out Liam.

Really, without the two of them and the team, the whole entire team, this podcast wouldn't be. It just wouldn't be. And I am so incredibly grateful I get to create content for you. And I get to deliver it, and then I turn it over to them and that's where the magic. That's the beauty of it. And now we're in season three.

We are getting really close to our hundredth episode. What? I'll give you the countdown next week. So you've gotta stop and get really clear because when you do the how reveals itself. As a matter of fact, you guys have heard me say this, Paige Killian introduce me to the podcast boutique. She has a podcast.

She knew I wanted one. She knew I was stuck in some areas and I needed some help. And so she introduced. Thank you Paige. So that's what I want you guys to know, is that how, gosh, you know it is the million dollar question. If I had the answer to everybody's how woo, right? If we had the answer to everyone's how it would be incredible.

So say it with me, how, when we are not clear on our purpose and outcomes. Is a trap. Once we know and we're rock solid, how we're gonna get there turns into what's my first step? Who am I gonna talk to? Where am I gonna ask for help? It moves us then into possibility only after we are so clear on our purpose.

And our outcomes. So there you go. There you have it. I could talk about this all day, but I think we've driven the point home. Would you join me on a mission? When you see somebody achieve a result that they wanted in their life, ask them their purpose. What was your purpose in that? Why did you want that?

Why was that important to you? I am so curious to see what you guys would find out. I have a feeling your discussions will be so rich and so connected, and let's just become people that get really interested and curious in people's purpose. Why not? It's super fun. All right you guys. It's here. It's here.

It's here. You've heard me talk about it. Lift Her, which is our 12 month group coaching program for women, is open for registration. We are starting February 2nd. All the details are on the website. We have a fantastic informational and workshop session coming up on January 26, 5:30 PM Pacific Standard Time U s A.

For those of you who are listening in other countries, you are welcome to, so come join us for that. You can. It's a very short application for the program. You can set up clarity calls and we are here to support you. I cannot wait. I have been talking to women who are coming in and it is going to be amazing, this inaugural group.

All right, so if you're ready, Come take that leap and let's take your purpose, your outcome, your goals, and let's move it into making it happen. And you know what? If you're like, Hey, you know what, coach Kelly? I don't know. I know something's burning and there's something, what's next that I want? But I don't know yet what it is.

Come talk to me because we can figure that out in this group program, and you will have so many resources available to you that you will get crystal clear and you will get moving toward it. Okay, you guys, thank you so much for listening today. Remember, you have a choice to lead your life or follow your circumstances, and life is about knowing our passions, our purpose, our values, and creating an impact in your life and the life of others.

So who emerges from taking the lead and their lives are authentic. Vulnerable and crystal clear on why and what before they go to how. And so they slay those outcomes and goals. Yes, they do. It's not always gonna look the way we think it's supposed to, and we get to trust that more will be revealed as we move forward.

So remember, take a pause, let go of worry. Let go of doubt. Make decisions. Act on them and live fully the best version of yourselves, you guys. Thanks again for listening. Head over to kelly j For more resources, connect with me on Instagram at Coach Kelly mo Beck and say hi. I'd love to stay connected.

Have a great week ahead, and if it's not shaping up the way you want it, Take the lead and create a fantastic one. I'll talk with you next week. Take care. Thanks for listening to another episode of, let's Be Honest, before we start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in your life, head over to Kelly j and connect with me on Instagram at Coach Kelly Mobic.

If this episode was helpful for. Please feel free to share it with friends. Rate and review it on iTunes. That's Apple Podcasts now, and at any time, feel free to connect with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're working on. I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening, and here's to you taking the lead in your life.