Shownotes
J is for Jingle Bells: The A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival guide
Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is J and J is for Jingle Bells. This is the A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival Guide.
The pressure around the holidays in the western world has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. The pressure starts with the idea that people will come together in family groups and everyone will have a great time. Children are taught that it is the most wonderful time of the year and often look forward to the holidays all year.
The reality is often far different than the picture of familial bliss that the media create each year. Many families cannot get together because of work commitments and distance or the money it costs to travel to where other family are especially now when airlines charge different fares according to ‘peak’ or ‘off peak’ times (and of course, holidays are always in peak times).
Holidays have become extremely commercialised and there is a large emphasis on present exchange. If you haven’t much money this can lead to high levels of disappointment or debt.
If there are fractures in your family through divorce, everything becomes more complicated and more stressful. If you are bereaved or simply single, this time of year is often extremely lonely.
This is also the time of year where alcohol and drug consumption increase and impulsive sex increases as well. Even people who avoid one night stands the rest of the year can give in to the pressure around the holiday time.
Stress often lowers the frequency of sex between partners at this time of year even though the expectations around this time of year can be that there should be more sex.
Here are my tips to make this time of year less stressful and to increase the amount of great sex when you have a few days off for the holidays.
- If you have a partner or partners, discuss expectations for the holidays. Assumptions create more problems than anything else at this time of year. Talk about expectations about how you will spend the holidays, where you will spend the holidays, present giving, and who is in charge of the celebrations. Make sure that you work out good compromises in advance. If there are some traditions you absolutely can’t live without, make that clear.
- Schedule intimate time on and around the holidays. It can feel overwhelming with all the commitments people make to family, friends and work colleagues. Don’t forget your partner (s). Make sure to prioritise some time even if it is only a couple of hours.
- Plan to go to an event that encourages sensuality and experimentation. There are usually quite a few events around the holidays from burlesque to strip performances to sex positive parties, swingers parties, BDSM and kink events. If none of these appeal, why not check out an erotic movie?
- Be clear about boundaries with partner (s), family, work colleagues and friends. If you find this difficult, it is a good time to practice setting boundaries.
- Look for ways to lower overall stress in the lead up to the holidays. If money is an area of stress, limit your present buying budgets. Agree a low budget with lovers, friends and families. Thinking about gifting experiences.
- If you are single, sit down and list out your expectations. Make sure to plan in time for relaxation.
- Limit your drug and alcohol consumption.
- If there are people you normally find difficult, consider either having a conversation with them prior to the holidays to make it more likely that there will be no problems or if you know that this is unlikely to work, avoiding having contact with the person or people.
Here are my suggestions for holiday gifts to increase your sexy.
Gifts up to £20
Sulis Silk Thong for Men This is so sexy. If your man is willing to wear a thong, this is the one. £18
A Girl Walk’s Into a Bar This is a book of erotica that is interactive to help you jump start some fantasy play. It’s light hearted and fun and only £6.99.
Fetish IOU game for couples. This one is a bit spicy. £9
Dalliant Dice These sex dice are great fun and reasonably priced at $19.95
Desire.games app This is free but has in app purchases. The game itself encourages activities offline to increase intimacy. It is hot and lots of fun. Average in app purchase is $5
Sex Butter is an all natural balm that can add some extra spark to sex. It is fantastic to plump up dehydrated tissues and provides additional lubrication. It can be used on lips as well and is great for rehydration. Peppermint oil provides the extra tingle.
If you aren’t fond of peppermint oil, sister product Boudoir Butter is lovely as well.
Gifts up to 75
Rani slapper Fancy a spanking and don’t want to hurt your hands? This slapper may be just the ticket. It can give quite a sting so make sure to take some time to warm your bottom up. From $23.60
Sulis silk boxers These are beautiful sexy boxers for men. There is nothing more sexy than a man in silk underwear. £32
Dame Products Fin vibrator. The size of this vibrator is deceptive. It’s small and it’s powerful. It sits so comfortably between the fingers and is ideal for extra clitoral stimulation. Two sides give two different sensations. Just divine.
Bondage Deluxe Blindfold and Cuffs This set is for light restraint and sensory play. If you are just starting to explore or if you really don’t like anything too kinky, this is the set for you.
Entrance to a holiday swingers’ party. In the UK, you can find events here.
Dinner and a burlesque show.
A drink and a dance or two at 23 Paul Street. This upmarket gentleman’s club is wonderful. The women are gorgeous, hot, bright, and friendly. The environment is second to none.
If you are a woman who enjoys women, go on a night when Mint Tease is the event. This is for women only.
Create a love story especially for your love.
This one is cute – can be done in hard or softcover and is on sale at the moment! Cost is $50
Gifts Up to £150
Silk binding sash Fancy a bit of light bondage? This silk bondage sash is delicious and starts at $79.
Shiri Zinn Minx This vibrator is gorgeous and has a removable maribou tail. It comes in three colours and has it’s own stand. Shiri Zinn makes high end toys that are well made and lovely. This vibrator has some serious girth which is fun for some and difficult for others. The vibrator is made of polycarbonate plastic which means that it is completely body safe and you can use any lube you want with it. £89
Lelo Sona The sona is an incredible sonic clitoral stimulator. If you haven’t tried this type of toy before, this one is pretty intense. Lelo’s typical beautiful design is carried into this product. It isn’t a vibrator as it uses sonic waves. It is quiet so there is no need to worry about who can hear you through those paper thin walls. £89
Sulis Men’s Silk Kimono This is luxurious and very sexy. A reasonably priced silk robe for the man in your life £96
Crescendo vibrator by Mystery Vibe. This is a vibrator with a difference. It can be bent and molded to you. Placing it between you and your love creates some incredible pleasure. It is a delicious toy. And right now, there is a sale.
Over £150
Liliana Casanova designs gorgeous custom sized lingerie. If you really want to treat her to something gorgeous.
An overnight stay at Ess & Emm bed and breakfast with dungeon
Two hours dungeon hire at the London Dungeon Hire This space is fantastic. It appears far smaller than it is. There is the widest range of equipment I have ever seen in one space devoted to kink and BDSM. You can experiment in total privacy.
The Dram Team For £26.99 per month, you get 6 drams of whiskey. If you are in the US, Tasters Club At $69 per month get a full bottle.
A 6 month membership to Scarlet Ladies for a woman in your life. This amazing community meets at 23 Paul Street on Tuesdays. There are events every month on topics about sex and sexuality as well as a coaching group and social meet ups.
A boudoir photo shoot with Faby and Carlo if you are in the UK. They are amazing photographers and put you completely at your ease. The experience is transformative for many. If you like the photos of me on my website, these were taken by them.
Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drloribeth@atozofsex.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
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