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Spanda with Diana Lockett
Episode 372nd September 2022 • Radical Resilience • Blair Kaplan Venables
00:00:00 00:30:43

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Diana Lockett shares how the concept of “spanda” helped her through challenging times. This is her story and she is resilient.

Trigger Warning: The Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult. The listener’s discretion is advised.

About the Guest:

Diana Lockett is a visionary heart leader with a gift for awakening her clients to release stress and anxiety so they can live a love filled and inspired life. Her transformational coaching uses her superpower of creating safe and unconditional spaces to invite her clients to experience all parts of themselves through a lens of loving acceptance, inner wisdom and relaxation to design the life of their dreams. Diana is a 3 x International Bestselling author, Transformational speaker, Communication consultant and Spiritual/Somatic Coach.




Instagram: dianalockettcoach

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About the Host: 

Blair Kaplan Venables is an expert in social media marketing and the president of Blair Kaplan Communications, a British Columbia-based PR agency. She brings fifteen years of experience to her clients which include global wellness, entertainment, and lifestyle brands. As a pioneer in the industry, she has helped her customers grow their followers into the tens of thousands in just one month, win integrative marketing awards, launch their businesses, and more. Yahoo! listed Blair as a top ten social media expert to watch in 2021. She has spoken on national stages and her expertise has been featured in media outlets including Forbes, CBC Radio, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global. Blair is also the #1 bestselling author of Pulsing Through My Veins: Raw and Real Stories from an Entrepreneur and co-host of the Dissecting Success podcast. When she’s not working on the board for her local chamber of commerce, you can find Blair growing the “The Resilience Project,” an online community where users share their stories of overcoming life’s most difficult moments.

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Blair Kaplan Venables:

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

Oh, hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of radical resilience. It's me, Blair Kaplan Venables, and I'm here today with Diana, Diana Lockett. I wanted to make your name sound very fancy Diana, lockett. He's a visionary heart leader with a gift for awakening high achievers to realign to thrive and create inner wealth and a deeper purpose in their lives. I actually met her in Vegas, which is super exciting. And our paths crossed multiple times. And I thought she'd be the perfect person to come on to this podcast to share her story, her energy, her gift. Her unique gifts include 32 years of practicing as a speech language pathologist with a focus on cultivating authentic unconscious communication in her environments. We shared a bit we talked a bit offline, with you know about some of the stuff going on in our lives. And, and her story, what she shared her very small amount she shared, I think, is a really important piece to talk about, especially with the way the current world is in system systems and the economy frequently changing. And so I want you guys to really pay attention to this conversation. Diana is amazing, inspirational. I love the way she delivers her thoughts. And I just want to invite you to meet Diana. Hello.

Diana Lockett:

Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be here. We are there's I feel this kindred connection with you. And the first time that we chatted and I'm so inspired and excited about this topic of resilience.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

So good. Yeah. So my gosh, well, thank you for being here. So, you know, I learned you recently moved to BC, British Columbia, that's where I am as well, for all of you non Canadians out there, or non people who don't know, Canada, we're both in British Columbia. But we've never met but we randomly met in Las Vegas. And then later, through just a work, work meeting, we ended up having a call scheduled together. And they at least two things had nothing to do with each other. But everything to do with each other. And, you know, we connected and I was I was sharing with the global Resilience Project is and we talked about what she did what she does. And, you know, I would love for you to share your story.

Diana Lockett:

Thank you so much for that opportunity. And I do believe we were meant to meet and there are no accidents, everyone comes together with this beautiful, amazing co creative opportunity. So I've had some moments in my life that in the I'm a yoga teacher trainer as well, that's something I've done for 15 years as well as the spiritual and somatic life coach. Somatic is embodiment coach. And the language that we use in the Sanskrit tradition of yoga is spawned, spawned, I mean, life goes up, and it goes down. And it goes up, and it goes down. And for any of you listening, you might absolutely resonate with that. There are times in my life where it was really down. And the only reason I was able to get up in the morning is because I knew that following the down. If I just stayed on that surfboard that was sitting at the bottom of the wave that I would slowly find my way back up. And

Blair Kaplan Venables:

sorry, I have to interrupt because that is so beautiful. I have a saying I made up, which is way less eloquent, where it's like when shit hits the flat that when shit hits the fan. It hits the floor. Yes, it does. Beautiful. Well, you

Diana Lockett:

know, sometimes things happen in life. And we like to think that we have a lot of control over things, but all we really have control over is our responses, our reactions and what we put into the world. And so when things happen that are out of my control, and the example that I'll give you is in 2012 2013 I was such a proud business owner of four amazing brick and mortar businesses loved it loved what I did, I knew it was my purpose. I was teaching coaching training people really making big impact in the world. And within six months, all four studios closed. I made some bad decisions. I partnered with people I trusted people that I probably had no business trusting that I was super naive. And the businesses ended up having To close, the businesses were attached to my home. So I lost my home, I lost my cars, I lost my investment properties, I lost my retirement income, and then had to declare bankruptcy because there was so much debt too. And that was probably one of the most shame filled moments of my life, where I can remember sitting in the bankruptcy office with the bankruptcy trustee. And going through this and feeling so much shame. That was probably one of the darkest moments of my life. And I've had history of abuse and neglect and lots of things in my childhood. But that moment, was the moment that I recognized I even at the time, I recognized how I was defining myself by that moment. And I was really stuck in that defining. And the experience of knowing the teachings that I have the philosophy that's embodied in me that I truly fully believe is that life is always moving, life is always flowing. And it's like the waves and the waves come up, and they crest and they come down and they crash. And that my job on this planet in my lifetime is to keep a surfboard, obviously metaphorical surfboard nearby, because I've actually tried surfing and it all it gave me was a fat lip. So a metaphysical surfer, just a symbolic surfboard nearby, and to hop on the surfboard, and to ride out the waves. And sometimes the waves crash, and sometimes the waves come back up. And remembering that and that term, I want to say it again, because it's such a meaningful term for me sponder spnd. A, that term is a beautiful term to remember because it is what gave me the resilience to be able to wake up each day, to be able to do what I needed to do, literally to feed my kids to make sure that I had gas in the car to get to work to be able to make sure that there wasn't a sheriff. I don't know if you know this Blair, but we have sheriffs in Canada. Now I know for the US listeners, this is normal. We have sheriffs in Canada that I didn't even know existed. And their job is to follow orders given to them by the court. After losing my main beautiful three story home. I was living in a little I can swear because I because you you showed that a little shithole of a house that rained, it had my species and it had mold. And that was the only place I could move to because it was the only place the bank allowed us to keep because it was worth nothing to them. And we weren't able to pay that mortgage, teeny tiny mortgage not able to pay, I had no money coming in. And I got a notification from the sheriff's department, saying that we were in default of our mortgage for the third month in a row. And they were coming to basically kick us out of the house and change the locks. And that's what the sheriff's do in Canada apparently. And I can remember I can still feel today the fight and flight in my body, my nervous system in absolute absolute chaos of how I was going to get through this. And every morning, I woke up and I said sponder I'm just jumping on my surfboard. And I'm gonna see where it takes me today. Now I did a lot, I worked hard, I rebuilt myself, I was able to go back to my original career as a speech language pathologist, and gracefully just slipped back in and created a dream job. For the next 10 years after that, I was able to continue doing yoga teacher training programs, which I've been running for a while, and coaching, spiritual life coaching. And so there's times that things happen in life that are beyond your control. And if we don't recognize that we have a new day, starting every day, that we can reach out to people that we get to create and CO create. But it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. Sometimes it's easier to stay in bed. And there's that slippery slope between I feel really unmotivated to I feel depressed, right, that's a slippery slope. So I had to feel my lack of motivation. And I had to get up anyways, because I had purpose. My purpose at that point was my kids. My purpose at that point was trying to figure out how I was going to get a little bit of money in the bank, how I was going to serve people that I got to work with. So that's my that's my big resilience story. So fast forward now. 10 years, I've moved to BC, I've gone through a very large grief filled period, separating from my husband who I adored for 15 years, my father passed away during COVID, my cat passed away, my daughter moved away tons of losses. And that opened up a portal for grief for me. And I had another choice here. Here's another sponder opportunity. Do I want to sit in bed and be overtaken by the grief? Or do I want to get on my surfboard and ride that wave? And some days the wave could be crashing down again. And that's okay. Because that's what my body needed to process the grief. And some days the wave took me up and I put on loud music and I danced and I and I sang and I yelled and I cried and I did what I needed to do. I called loving presence and befriending my grief instead of making it wrong. So resilience is definitely a topic that I have cultivated, that I have befriended in my lifetime. And the first book I wrote, I've written four books, with Ignite publishing. And the first one I wrote was called Ignite female changemakers. And my story was about this young girl who loved to talk, and whose voice was ridiculed. That was me, and how it impacted me through all of my decisions in my early childhood, teenage hood and adulthood, where I didn't have the power to say, No, even when I was abused, I didn't have the power to share my emotions, and to set boundaries, because when you lose your voice, you lose your voice, and everything that needs to be expressed through it. And I wrote that story. I had a woman who contacted me, she's actually an actress, and she's a coach and the positive art teacher in a positive psychology school in New York City. And she had read my story. And she said, this is such a beautiful story of post traumatic growth. And at that point, I was really still thinking that I was dealing with post traumatic stress. And that little shift PETG from PTSD, really showed me the power that I have of resilience in my life. Whoa,

Blair Kaplan Venables:

like, thank you so much for sharing that. And there's a lot to unpack there. And I'm sorry, you went through all of that. I mean, that sounds like a very humbling stressful experience. And it's beautiful that you had tools to help you navigate moment by moment, day by day, week by week. I want to talk about what you just said about the post traumatic growth, like what is that? What's post traumatic growth? And how do we know we're in it?

Diana Lockett:

Yeah. So I have been a student of meditation, mindfulness, and personal and spiritual growth for 25 years. So I have been accumulating tools, studying, I'm a lifelong learner, I want to know more, I want to be better always and forever. And I want to serve from the clearest, most authentic place that I can, whoever I'm serving, whether it's work, or my kids, or whoever. And what I wasn't fully aware of, I think until she made that comment was, I've been using these tools, they have become my default. And we have this miraculous body. It's truly a vessel, it's a gift. And we have our brain which has this incredible capacity to hold on to stories and narratives and create stories and narratives, and has parts of it called the drawing the blank for their name right now, but there's a part of the brain that literally will attract what you place your focus on. So when I got a red, burgundy ish red car, I thought it was so unique. All I saw was white cars everywhere. I'm not getting a white car, I'm getting a burgundy car. The next week, all I see is burgundy cars. It's called the reticular activating system, it's part of the brain that really is aligned with the law of attraction, where you place your attention expands. It's what you see, when we are in stress. The communication network between the brain and the body is called the nervous system. And the nervous system literally becomes disheveled. disbanded, broken down is stuck. So if you think of a garden hose, and when you kink the garden hose, what happens to the water? It gets stuck. It gets stuck. This is your lifeforce. This is your energy. This is your communication network between your body and your brain. And so so many people are walking around the world. And I was too before I started all of the my my trainings, walking around with a kink in their nervous system. And that means that their lifeforce is not flowing, that means they're not feeling good. That means that they do not have a communication system happening between the brain and the body. So the brain literally believes it's real. And then it sends that tension into the body and the body says, I'll gratefully hold on to this. Thank you very much. And if there's more, I'll hold on to that too. So we need to have tools to be able to uncover our nervous system, alter our narratives. And essentially, the work that I do is a bottom up approach from the body help to release the stress and tension from the body because that's where it lies, stress and tension and anxiety lies in the body. And the brain feeds it into the body through the nervous system. So that's a very simplified way of describing it. When we are moving into a from a post traumatic stress, and I don't want to deny that that happens, because that is absolutely physiologically evidence based. It happens. People have traumas, the trauma gets stored in the body. Absolutely. When we can start collectively we will speak about myself when I began to look at the experiences of my life through the lens of resilience Then I could start to look at them through the lens of this is what I learned. This is how I grew, I always say you have to go through it, to grow through it, you have to feel it, in order to be able to heal it. And so I see how everything has happened. And this is a very woowoo term that I use, but I say it has happened for the evolution of my soul. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today. If I hadn't had the experiences I had, I wouldn't be as resilient, I wouldn't be as compassionate, I wouldn't be as understanding with my clients who are having financial struggles with my clients who are having heartbreak with my clients who have experienced tons of lost neglect and abuse. I am the person I am today as a coach, as a friend, as a mother, because of everything I've gone through. And so the phrase that I say is, I am who I am today, not in spite of who I've gone through, or what I've gone through, but because of everything I've gone through. That's the lens that takes it then from PTSD stress response, to post traumatic growth, where I can see the beauty the gifts and learning even say, the gratitude for what I've gone through. Now, I say that cautiously. Because when someone is still in the PTSD and the trauma response,

Diana Lockett:

that is a really hard pill to swallow. And I would never actually give that pill to anybody in a trauma response, the first thing that we do is we need to remove the trauma from the body, we need to help them to remove the tension, the trauma on the nervous system. And so that's the work I do bottom up, then we can get to the mind narrative, then we can get to the spiritual lens, it's all a journey. And the beautiful thing about this player is we have a lifetime on this journey, to do this healing experience to move into our resilience to create PTG. And we cannot bypass the pain though. And that's my only little little caveat is that I don't want positive psychology to be just about, I just want to feel good. I'm fine. I'm gonna tell you what that means. In a moment, I'm fine. Or I'm good. When the reality is there's stuff holding you in the body stored in your body. That is literally like a little volcano getting ready to erupt. And how do we know because it erupts at the most inopportune time, right, like yelling, yelling at work, or yelling at your kids or whatever in a situation that's not related at all, to the event. Totally unexpected and unknown, inappropriate.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

I think like what you're saying it's I love the visual visualization that you guys just threw in the sense of like, our nervous systems like a garden hose. And there's kinks in it, like when things get stressful or where there's trauma. And I'm gonna take a wild guess that a lot of people who have found this podcast are people who have navigated difficult times, where their nervous system has been kinked, and then kinked, and then kinked. And some of us walk through life with a fully kink garden hose. Not even knowing that it's kinked because we're so used to living in the state of trauma. And I know that's how I was for decades. And you're very lucky because you you have the tools you need to regulate your nervous system to uncut. What are some, if you don't mind sharing? What are some really easy things that our listeners can do at home? Like right now, like if you're driving, pull over, don't do it while you're driving. But you know, like, what are some really basic things that our our listeners can do to start de kinking? And like, beautiful question. You know, I just also want to say what she's probably about to share, even if you don't think that you have kinks in your, in your hose. If you don't think your nervous system is out of whack. I'm sure what she's sharing will benefit you no matter what.

Diana Lockett:

Yes. Let me just say that most people don't realize their nervous system is out of whack until they get triggered. And a trigger is when someone does something and you have a response. That's very activating in your body and you know it because you feel it you feel tense, you feel anxious, you feel like you want to yell you want to punch your stomach starts churning, right, that's a response to a trigger. And so a trigger is often related to a trauma. And I want to just clarify a trauma is an event that happened to you that was not that did not you did not have the ability to process. So it's it's it's not even so much what happened to you, but it's the scar that remains because there was nobody to walk you through what happened to you. And so then what happens the residual of the trauma is the stress in the body. So trauma is the is the unprocessed or undigested experience of what happened to you. And the result of it is the tension that then kicks kicks the nervous system and lies in the body and by the way manifests as many different physical and mental health illnesses. Just want to put that out there. Okay. So what do we do about This till I was 32 years old, I didn't even know I had trauma. As a child, my mom was asleep on the couch being prescribed valiance to manage for girls under the age of two. My father was very abusive. And I also had sexual assault in my teenage hood. And I didn't realize that these were things that I held into my body. In fact, I just put them away, I didn't even deal with them. And then when I was 32, I started feeling something in me that was longing to be acknowledged, recognized, touched, healed. I was actually called, and this is coming out in my book, I haven't really I don't think I've publicly said this on a podcast I was referred to as the ice queen. And at that point, thankfully, there's something in me that said, Oh, my gosh, what is the truth in this? Instead of saying, What are you talking about? I'm outgoing, I'm social. I said, where are they? Right? Where are they? Right. And that's a mantra that I keep today. Because I understand how we all have these collective parts of ourselves that we don't see because we have blind spots on let's call them shadows. So I started doing meditation at the age of 32. And that was a beautiful practice, I still do it today I started practicing yoga, yoga was wonderful to move the energy through my body and it started to open up some portals. So those are my my sort of main two go to that I recommend for people meditation and any kind of movement where you're associating movement with breath with mindfulness. Running doesn't quite count because most people when they're running, they're planning their day. But something where you're moving and maybe moving a little bit slower, and allowing your breath to guide you is going to help to release tension in the body. Eckhart Tolle says, One breath is an entire meditation, I say, breathe and everything changes. Because one breath can change your entire neurophysiology your nervous system, your body and your brain. And the brain is a brilliant, brilliant software that is so you mentioned it earlier, it is so vulnerable to change neuroplasticity, we can totally change the wiring connections in our brain that lead to a stress response. So meditation, yoga, breath work are my three go twos. And then I also do a bottom up approach in my practice, and I'm happy to share the link if you have a way to post it on your podcast, where I give people a free practice. And it's a bottom up approach for my practice called realign to thrive. That is my coaching practice. And the realign is an acronym that takes you through an embodiment practice, which simply means tuning into your body, feeling the parts of your body without overly identifying with them, you know, people will often say I'm stressed. And then I'll say, Well, tell me, what does that feel like in your body? Where do you feel that in your body? How do your shoulders feel, how your palms feel? How does your belly feel, and then the language that we use to describe the body is what we call sensation, that's the language of the body. The research shows that when we can identify sensations and label them, within 90 seconds, they can start to change. So this is a really important piece to remember because it then gives us our own radical responsibility to start shaping and shifting the way we are experiencing the world. And what we're holding as tension in our body. So we have the capacity to make those changes. Is it easy? No, it's a practice. And any practice takes commitment. But it's super possible. And it's so valuable. So breathwork, meditation, a movement involved with breath work, and then a bottom up approach to moving into the body and recognizing the parts of your body. And so if you wanted me to take people through like a one minute practice, right now, do we have a minute later?

Blair Kaplan Venables:

Yeah, why don't ya this is a beautiful way to wrap up this interview. I would love that. Thank you.

Diana Lockett:

Beautiful. Thank you so much. So if you are not driving, I would encourage you to close your eyes. If you're driving, simply, turn to your breath, start to breathe and notice your breath. Now even our breath sometimes can be very shallow. We've learned how to have this very constricted, shallow breath. Can you follow your breath and let it go down to your belly and as you breathe, inhale, expand your belly, relax your shoulders, and then exhale, your belly draws in naturally. And so this is the natural cycle of our breath when we properly use our diaphragm and allow the breath to manifest and alter our neurophysiology our brain and body. And then what I want you to do is for the next breath is remember that you're okay. You're okay. The first thing I tell my clients, when they come in, they tell me all of the trauma, the drama, the hardships that they're going through, I say you're okay. It doesn't feel okay in this moment. But your goodness, your essential goodness. In fact, let me go so far as to say that the miracle that you are, remains unchanged no matter what you've gone through. The next thing we do is we start to attend to the parts of the body. So just notice where your attention goes. Right now, as I said that I feel my right side of my belly just above my belly button to the right. It felt a little bit of a ping in that area. I just noticed it, and I take a breath. Follow your body, where else does it want to take you, maybe to your foot, maybe your left foot, in my case feels heavier than my right foot. So I'm simply describing what it feels like to inhabit my body in this moment. And then taking a breath in between. We do that for a few rounds. And then we move into the inspired, inspired intuitive wisdom that comes from this place of relaxing the nervous system in the body with the question that I give my clients, what does life want you to know in this moment, when we respond from a place of stress, it's literally going to be vomiting, tons of words, when we respond from a place of relaxation, and just doing a few of those breath and acknowledgement of the body will help to relax the nervous system, then what comes up as inspired wisdom will be really honest, authentic and meaningful for you. And so I would say something really simple like, take a breath. What does life want you to know right now? And sometimes I might change it. What does your heart want you to know? What does the universe or the God of your understanding, want you to know. And there's wisdom that comes through that that isn't pushing, that isn't grasping, that isn't trying to force or make or control which is what happens when we are holding tension in our body, and unprocessed unresolved trauma. So it becomes a practice of unwinding the nervous system, attending to the body, and then allowing the mind to feed us and serve us in the most authentic, beautiful, loving and kind way. And then if your eyes are closed, I'll invite you to take a breath and and open up your eyes as you exhale and just take in your environment. And take a moment before you move. And trust that you're exactly where you're meant to be. And that's a little mini little mini example.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

Wow, that was beautiful. Oh my gosh. That was great. Thank you. Thank you so much. And you know, if you're listening to this, you can do this over and over again, you could listen to this episode, you could rewind it. If you're listening really fast, you might want to like go back to normal speed or even slow it down. But that was beautiful. Thank you so much, Diana. So if people I'm going to drop your like, you'll send me the link, and I'll put it in the show notes. But if someone wants to learn more about you, how can we find you? Yeah,

Diana Lockett:

thank you for this opportunity. And I will for sure send you a link of an audio for people to practice. And my recommendation is to practice it for 66 days, at least two months. The research shows now the current research is it takes on average 66 days to create a new habit. And when you are digesting, processing on kinking years and years and years of unprocessed trauma, tension or pain, it's going to take a while. And then what I want people to do is don't give up on yourself. Trust that you are absolutely the captain of your life. And you can make these changes. People can reach me at Diana I do three month coaching programs very specific. If it's over three months, I refer you to a therapist. In three months, I can help to reframe your experience of the world in a way that's more joyful, more loving, more kind more authentic, and unpacked all of your relationships in a most positive way. It really comes it really starts with giving you the opportunity to reconcile, befriend and fall in love with all parts of yourself, which includes the parts of yourself that perhaps you have judged as wrong, or experiences that you have wanted to deny. And that process becomes a life changing process. So I look forward to hearing from anyone who feels the call.

Blair Kaplan Venables:

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on radical resilience to share your wisdom, your story for being so open and honest and for giving our listeners such a beautiful gift and for sharing that with me. I love that I'm someone who's constantly and kinking my house I you know, I've had a lot of stuff going on, which is how this community came to be. And I just want to put it out there that I used to not meditate. I used to have a lot of trouble. And then one day I found something that worked and I just kept doing it. And I started to see a difference. And I was just very consistent with my practice. And it wasn't a long meditation. It was only a few minutes and it grew. And it grew. So you know, there's lots of ways that you can implement what Diana shared. And I want to thank you for coming on the show and to everyone who tuned in to another episode of radical resilience. Remember, you are resilient it's a okay to not be okay. We have the tools, you have the tools, there's a community to support you. And thank you for tuning in.