It’s been an amazing first season on Reclaiming Ourselves, but before we take a break, we had to get the panel back together! Sonya and all of her co-hosts are in the studio to share their thoughts on how to find the right pace for ourselves, allowing ourselves time to recover so we can show up as our best selves! 

This process of slowing down to determine the rhythm and timing that works best for us is an important part of reclaiming ourselves. 

Not only do we begin to reclaim our time and energy, but we start to understand what optimizes our aliveness. In this episode, we see how each co-host views rest at this busy time of year, and how they’re managing the demands of the season.

Join us as we discuss: 

• 16:39 The cultural messaging we receive that makes rest feel unsafe.
• 19:47 Why it’s hard to find our own tempo, and easy to just move at the pace the world sets for us.
• 25:07 Why it’s a good thing to celebrate slowing down.
• 39:56 When rest isn’t really restful, and how to tell the difference.

Resources mentioned in the show: (If appropriate)

• Pico Iyer’s TED Talk on The Art of Stillness https://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_the_art_of_stillness?language=en 

Learn more about the hosts: 

—> Sonya Stattmann is the host & creator of Reclaiming Ourselves™. She is a TEDx & corporate speaker, and has been working with leaders around personal development for the last 22 years. She teaches workshops & offers small group programs around emotional intelligence, transformational & embodied leadership and energy management. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://www.sonyastattmann.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonyastattmann/

—> Laura Shook-Guzman, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, LMFT, and Somatic Psychotherapist for entrepreneurs has been a mental health professional for 23 years. She’s the founder of three businesses; the world's first Wellness Coworking Community Soma Vida, the global community Women Who Cowork, and her own therapy practice, Conscious Ambition. You can find more about her here: 

Website: http://www.laurashookguzman.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurashookguzman/ 

—> Belinda Haan, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, is a gifted Masters-level certified professional coach who has worked with leaders and executives in various Fortune 500 corporations worldwide. She is a mindfulness and compassion teacher and facilitates group and individual therapeutic interventions that promote inner connection and belonging. She is personally passionate about bridging the gap between science and spirit, using an empathic, grounded approach that weaves contemplative practice and accessible personal development with her clients. You can find more about her here:

Website: www.belindahaan.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/belinda-haan-b1b02815/

—> Emily Soccorsy [So-KOR-SEE], co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, believes branding is how people experience what you believe. As owner and CEO of Root + River, a brand strategy team, Emily uses her talents to help leaders uncover the foundations of their brand: message, audience, differentiators, and overall brand strategy. She’s also an author, speaker, poet, artist, and mom of two daughters (and a 130-pound Great Pyrenees named Archie) and partner to her husband of over 20 years. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://rootandriver.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilysoccorsy/ 

What you can do next:

1. For more episodes, opportunities and information on the hosts, visit http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
2. Love the podcast? Get episodes delivered to your inbox with articles related to the topics we talk about. You can sign up at http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
3. Need a little weekly magic? Sign up for Worthy Love Notes & weekly affirmations here https://www.sonyastattmann.com/self-worth-affirmations-2/  

Thank you for being you. We are so honored to have you as a listener!

how often does that happen?

And, and I think that that's part of the guilt for me sometimes

is, because it doesn't happen.

There's no one celebrating good on you for sort of taking a

rest and having some downtime.

It really is something that's so inner that we've got to, accept that that's what

we need.

Um, and but wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had Laura's like going, go, you snail,

like just slow down and lay down and rest

Well this is why we have each other, and this is

why our listeners have us too, cuz we are celebrating your rest.

We are celebrating your snails pace or whatever pace you're operating at.

If you know there is something deep inside of you that is yearning to be

seen, to be known, and to have expression.

If there's something you need to reclaim and remember: maybe it's your

power or your purpose, your gifts.

This is the podcast for you.

Welcome to Reclaiming Ourselves.

I'm your host, Sonya Stattmann and I'm honored to have three amazing

co-hosts, Laura Shook-Guzman, Belinda Haan, and Emily Soccorsy, here with

me on this journey to self discovery.

Every week we're gonna help you unravel and remember what it means to reclaim

yourself, to own who you are, to recognize your innate worth and greatness.

Now this podcast is a deep dive into self-development,

healing, and empowerment.

So hold on.

Here we go.

Hi, and welcome back to Reclaiming Ourselves.

I'm so excited today because this is the wrap up episode for our first

season on Reclaiming Ourselves.

all the co-hosts are here and we wanna do a check-in.

How are we doing?

How are you doing?

I think it's so important as we're approaching the holidays

and really often in our life to kind of slow down and check in.

How are we doing?

Right.

Pause, rest, contemplate.

And so that's what we're gonna do today and I thought we could start.

With kind of maybe a centering exercise or a way we can kind of connect to ourselves.

And so I'm gonna leave that to Laura.

Welcome Laura.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you, Sonya.

It's so wonderful to be here, especially all together again.

Um, and, and I think that just taking a minute to pause is a wonderful thing to

do as we move into this conversation.

And I know some listeners might be in the car, they might be walking and, you know,

doing something while we're centering.

So I wanna invite everyone, you know, come into.

The body to the degree that you're able.

Definitely keep your eyes open if you're driving, doing something really important.

But what I wanna demonstrate today is that we don't actually have to

stop and become completely still.

That to turn attention inwards and to pause is all about awareness.

And where do we place this awareness.

So if you're somewhere where you can sit, slow down, lay down, feel free.

Or if you're walking, driving, just take a minute to bring your

attention to my voice and let's just take a moment to go into our breath.

And so no matter where you are or what you're doing, I want you to

just take a minute to notice your body breathing and you can just

notice the body as it's taking the inhale through the nose, noticing the

temperature of the air as it's moving.

And then allowing your exhale, noticing the temperature of the air as it moves

out the nose or the mouth, and no need to judge or change the breath.

We're just simply noticing the body breathing.

And in this act of awareness, we bring ourselves more into our.

And if you need a little more calm, you can actually exhale a

little longer than the inhale.

Bringing the body into a more relaxed state, deepening that exhale,

and then just bringing awareness to what is my body feeling in this moment?

Maybe feeling the bottoms of your feet.

Were your hands touching the steering wheel or touching the chair that you're

sitting in, or the body that you're in.

Just resting your hands on your lap and noticing the top of

the head, top of the shoulders.

Those are all areas we can just notice the body in this moment

and notice the body breathing.

And in this little bit of awareness, we can just check in, Dennis,

what are we feeling in the body?

What are we imagining?

What are the thoughts that are flowing through and just

releasing and letting those go.

And what are the emotions that are moving through the body energy moving?

And then we send gratitude to our body for showing up in this present moment with us

and the awareness that we have of self.

Just sending that gratitude, and then with your next inhale, just bring awareness

back into the edges of the body, bringing you back into the room and exhaling.

And when you're ready, slowly starting to open your eyes if you were closed or

starting to move back into your activity.

And there we go, Sonya, just a little pause and as an

assessment of how we're doing.

So how are you feeling after that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Really good.

And you know, that's kind of where I thought we would start today, is really

just to check in with each of us, you know, and, an invitation for our listeners

to check in with themselves as well.

You know, where are we in this season and time of our lives, wherever we are,

and, you know, how are we doing right?

where are we at?

And I think so often, We're just so quick to say I'm good.

Things are good.

Yeah.

Everything's good.

I'm good.

We're good.

You know, , and, I often don't always feel that way.

A lot of times I don't even necessarily know what I feel.

Right.

I, I'm maybe a little tired or, you know, I was just sharing with

a co-host before we started that I'm really unmotivated right now.

I think I'm in that season of winter where I just wanna go inward.

I wanna be quiet, I wanna be still, I wanna rest.

I don't wanna.

Do things.

And yet I have kind of this war inside myself telling me I should do more and I

should be more productive and, you know, so it's this really interesting place

and I feel like there's a lot of people right now, in an interesting place.

The world is very interesting right now, and I think it's important that

we, we check in and we talk about it.

So how are you, Laura?

Yeah.

I'm doing well.

I am grateful to be here, like I said, altogether, and looking

forward to hearing from, um, Emily and Belinda and, and I love hearing

your check in cuz I usually track.

You and I have similar energy flows and I am also feeling that, you know,

grateful for the winter season because as it gets cooler, it's as if there's a

giant permission slip to just cuddle.

I just wanna be under blankets.

I wanna be sipping hot beverages.

I wanna.

Be curled up and I think that, you know, I'm glad I'm taking a whole week

off actually, um, this week in the States we have Thanksgiving, so I'm

taking, um, the rest after this as I'm taking all the rest of the week.

And then, um, I am going to be off during, um, the holidays in December for

a couple of weeks, so I'm looking forward to moving into this place of energy.

Recovery is really, I'm really thinking of it.

It's not just rest, but it's active recovery for my energy so that I

can move into 2023 rested and ready.

I love that.

Emily, how about you?

How are.

Yeah.

I love what you just said, um, Laura, about active recovery versus rest.

as Sonya said, we were chatting before we started the recording about feeling

guilty about rest or feeling guilty about feeling unmotivated when the list is long.

But if we switch and we start thinking about that as active recovery, And

that active recovery might look like laying on the couch with like, I

like to pile many blankets on me,

Um, it may look like, sitting outside.

I live in a temperate climate so I can do that.

And it's actually the lovely time of year, but it's still chilly.

Um, But whatever it, it needs to be, I think I'm, I started going down

that path of like, yeah, what if we didn't call it rest so we didn't have

to deal with the baggage of that.

And we called it, this is my recovery time.

Mm.

anyway, that just jumped out at me.

and I'm feeling, I'm feeling personally like a lot of

peace moving into this season.

Recently, um, this season of the year where there's lots of celebrations

and holidays is difficult because I've lost people close to me.

And so it's always tinged with a lot of grief and loss and processing.

And I was listening to somebody speak about how they loved the

holidays and I've kind of like.

Since going undergoing these losses become a little bit less, somewhat

enthusiastic about them coming, but she was saying she loves them because of the

mix of melancholy and Mary memories.

And then present moments of.

Juiciness that it's that mix that makes it so precious to her.

And so I also took a note from that.

I was like, oh yeah, you know what?

If we celebrated the fact that we're going into a time where we, where

I personally have a lot of memories and of people that are no longer with

us, um, And at the same time, I'm creating memories for my family now.

So that's just as dear.

I don't know.

I'm trying to embrace all that.

I'm feeling centered at the moment.

I'm sure I will feel off course and, you know, about an hour.

But, um, , that's kinda where I'm at today.

what about you, Belinda?

Oh, well, I feel like all of you have just spoken to me, and

helped me understand what's happening for me because I think last year, so if

I sort of zoom out last year, Was really, I think a whole year of inner winter.

Um, really just so much inner work and um, active rest and recovery as well.

Um, and this year's been really in our summer and you know, I just really

feel like it's been a year of, action and, um, being out in the world and,

you know, I've just graduated from the Stanford Compassion Course, so

there's just been so much wonderful.

We went to Italy for two months.

It's just spent so much joy and so much, um, light and expansion.

And then sort of zooming into my direct experience.

Right now I'm recovering from Covid.

I feel really unwell and I'm being called into inner winter.

And it's kicking and screaming . So thank you for reminding me about,

because what's been called that I'm just not listening to is active rest.

And, I'm like, no, but I love summer.

You know, I want to be in this expansion and activity and everything.

rest is not natural for me.

It's something that I have to.

I have to work on constantly because it's not a natural tendency, you

know, sometimes rest initially ignites the my threat response and

I start sort of turning on myself, all of that kind of thing as well.

So I've sort of gotta get, get through that period and

not distract myself from that.

And then sort of just surrender.

And so thank you to all of you for reminding me that that is actually

what I'm being called to do and, and I've just been resisting it so much,

even though I have been technically resting, it hasn't been really rest.

If, if that makes sense.

Gosh.

I can really resonate with all of you.

I feel like And I, I think I'm also becoming more and more

aware of the resistance to rest of the guilt that I have.

You know, I normally wouldn't have said in the past that I experience a lot of guilt.

You know, it's not, uh, an emotion or a feeling I'm really familiar with.

I have remorse, of course I have, you know, things I wish I

would do, but guilt isn't one of those things that, I wear a lot.

Right?

And I've been noticing more and more how guilty I feel for resting.

Right.

And e, even now, like I'm in this beautiful country of celebration, you

know, Mexico's always celebrating.

Right?

Right.

Right now is a huge celebration day.

All this past, pretty much every weekend is a huge celebration.

There's fireworks, there's people dancing in the streets, there's parades, and

lately, I don't wanna go out , you know?

And even that makes me feel guilty, right?

Like, oh, I'm not enjoying what I have.

I'm not enjoying what I can access, but I just feel so called to rest.

And so it's really interesting.

I mean, what do you all think about that?

Why do we experience so much guilt around resting?

Hmm.

I'm curious, Laura, if you think I feel like there's something

encoded in my, genetics, there feels like something just like inherent

that pushes against the idea of rest.

And I don't know if, if it's, you know, just watching my grandmother's like

constantly work and my, grandparents like their work ethic and that, I

don't know like, if it's that piece of it or is it as a the cultural

piece that I've been ingrained like in me, or the combination of both.

I wonder about the muscle memory of rest and I don't know what

you would have to say about that.

Yeah.

I was actually thinking about that when Belinda used that term too.

You know, it's not my natural state.

Biologically rest is our natural state.

Like human beings are designed to be rhythmic, to move in patterns

of energy output and energy input, which is the recovery.

And all like organizational and performance psychology will show, right?

that it's like you're not even able to optimize your, um, biology like as an

athlete unless you learn those patterns of training and then recovering.

And even in that, we see our coaches and athletes lose track of that

and push until there's injury.

and so there's this really interesting, you know, for a long

time, it's not just in our modern.

In humanity, there is this drive to be able to keep up with our inventions.

It's kind of like as we evolve and we create more technology or we

get more and more sophisticated in how we build structures or we build

technology, we, we then keep pace, with the way that this technology and

this machinery works and that we start to lose track of our animal nature.

And this disconnection.

So I find all of this very fascinating and I'm, I'm as.

Psychotherapist.

I am somewhat an expert, but I would say there's probably people out there

that are much more like this is their like wheelhouse where they look at this.

But what I see with my clients is often time and time again when

we dive in, it's a conditioning, it's a cultural conditioning.

That rest is not safe.

and that, that has been carried, you know, so there's intergenerational

stories about rest not being a safe thing.

And so we're constantly engaged in the work to keep us.

Safe to keep producing, to be able to keep track.

and Pico ier actually has a really great Ted talk in which he names that

we have begun to lose pace with our natural rhythm, I think he says, and

start to try to pace with machines that we do believe that we work at

the pace of machines and that that's part of our challenge right now.

So, I would agree with that.

Wow.

Yeah.

Mm.

Yes.

And, And especially as women, so just sort of talking about the

cyclical nature of, of, of us.

and, and being able to honor that and and, and yet there's sort of outer,

outer dimensions that Impact in terms

of, especially this time of the year, all the million things that

are on with the kids and everything, um, all the system things.

And as we talked about before we

started the recording, you know, it's really So,

countercultural rest, you know,

it's, we're just told, you know, we are.

Being busy is the right thing.

That's when we're making, you know, achieving and, and making contributions.

And, and I think for me, like Laura mentioned, I, I just feel like there's

so much in my conditioned response.

that prevents rest, you know, like the sort of core beliefs, like, I need

to do more, I need to be more, I need to have more, I need to learn more.

And even that sort of time scarcity, like I just need more

time, you know, all of that.

Um, really.

They're the barriers to me being able to just go, you know what,

like the writing is on the wall.

It's time to sort of dip into that rest and restore.

but it sometimes just takes a lot of ignoring the signals.

Um, before that, that awareness comes in.

That phrase you, you said Laura, about that We're trying

to work at the pace of machines.

That really hit me like, what are we doing, ? I mean, that's insane.

That's insane.

And then this idea of keeping pace, and this is something

I, I kind of wrestled with.

I, I guess I'm still wrestling with it, but certainly in the last year,

this idea of like, what is my pace?

What is my pace, right?

If I'm not going to No thank you on keeping pace with machines, even

though that's like a sucks you back in.

no thank you.

On grind culture.

That's not my pace.

Yes.

To the moon cycles and like I wanna understand that and I wanna

understand my body cycles and I wanna, I still wanna create things.

I don't wanna be a.

cog in the wheel of a, a system that has convinced me that in order to have

value, I must be producing at all times.

But I do have a drive to create and to manifest the things that

I want to create in the world.

So what is my pace?

What does that look like?

Um, and I think that's something that is, is hard this time of year.

It's so easy.

And all the noise to lose sight of that quest of saying, wait, is this my pace?

Can I take a step back?

Can I find my pace in, in the midst of all of these other pressures and influences?

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

And also not like ha, having our own individualized pace , because sometimes

I really feel like I, you know, I'm looking at other people and they seem to

be able to do more than I can or without.

Sort of needing that rest.

And, you know, as someone who's highly empathetic and sensitive, you know, I,

I need more, more of that dipping in and more of that sort of, restoration

and sort of accepting that that is actually just part of my makeup.

And that's, that's okay.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like pace has been something

I've been talking about and exploring for a long time, and I feel.

A lot like a snail , to be honest.

Like I feel like my pace is kind of a snail, and maybe that's

just a momentary thing, and maybe that's just the season I'm in.

But, you know, I, I feel like I get a fraction of things

done that I used to get done.

I mean, I think about how much I used to produce, or how much I used to

create, or how much I used to get done.

And now it's like, well, I might get something done once a month.

You know, , it's like this, it's such a different reality.

It's such a different pace as I play with it.

And, and yeah.

And I find it really hard not to feel guilty.

And I, and I've put myself now in a, in a culture, in a country

where I can slow down in a lifestyle, where I can slow down.

And it's actually, It's helping me face more of my demons, right?

It's helping me face more of the condition tendencies I have because

I have the ability to slow down.

I have the influences even that will help me slow down.

But my internal world is still raging.

My internal world is still fighting.

My internal world is still kicking and screaming, and so it's allowed me to come

really face to face cause I feel like.

Pace and slowing down.

These are things I've been talking about for a long time.

These are things I teach for a long time, and yet really facing the truth

of what's still inside of me has been a really interesting lesson.

And, you know, when I'm, I'm really thankful for, um, that I can start

to integrate more of this, right?

There's a lot there though, under the surface.

There's a lot there that I'm facing.

But I think this is such an important reflection.

Right, and, and you know, one of the other things I've noticed is

everyone rolls very differently and everyone has to honor their own pace.

You know, even within my family, the four of us all operate at very different paces.

Like none of us function the same.

Some are closer than others to each other, but really we all

have a really different natural.

And that's even challenging.

Like, you know, we have this little ecosystem and how do we honor each

person, this little ecosystem, and how do we do that in a bigger system?

Right.

So, you know, I think this is such an important and interesting conversation.

Yes.

Yeah.

But you know, we are here to, you know, we teach what we're here to learn.

is that expression.

So you and I, Sonya, we've had a lot of our, you know, whole friendship

was based, we came together like as very overwhelmed, busy mom saying

there has to be a different way.

There has.

To be a different way and I love and celebrate that you

feel like a snail right now.

That is such an amazing shift in, you know, your energy.

When we first met, you could get so much done.

You were, you were and are always have the capacity of being in

know quite the powerhouse and I celebrate you for slowing it down

and I can really feel it and sense.

You know, like you said, you're, you're able to be with

yourself in a different way.

And I, and I think that that's something that is an obstacle

for some of us is when we do slow

down and we get still sometimes we don't know and or have the

tools to be with what comes up in that time of rest or stillness.

And, you know, I.

A client right now that said, yeah, I don't wanna, I'm gonna

be, I'm just busy right now.

And the holidays are hard and, and they have grief loss things

that they're working with.

And she's like, I'm actively just not gonna slow down right now

cuz I don't want to be with that.

And so we're working on, well how, what would it be like to be able to slow down

and feel more confident in your tools?

That's like, I can let a little bit of that in without being overwhelmed.

And so that's a whole nother thing of how do we work with

what comes up when we're resting.

yes.

And thank, thank you, Laura, for saying that too, because you know, like I

could feed myself tear up, right?

Like how often are we acknowledged for being a snail

Yes.

And I, I wanna also just say, Laura, that was really wonderful recognition

because how often does that happen?

And, and I think that that's part of the guilt for me sometimes

is, because it doesn't happen.

There's no one celebrating good on you for sort of taking a

rest and having some downtime.

It really is something that's so inner that we've got to, accept that that's what

we need.

Um, and but wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had Laura's like going, go, you snail,

like just slow down and lay down and rest

Well this is why we have each other, and this is

why our listeners have us too, cuz we are celebrating your rest.

We are celebrating your snails pace or whatever pace you're operating at.

Yeah.

And celebrating the things you're just saying no to.

If you say no to things like I I'm a baker, I love to bake, right?

And so I used to, I would be in heavy baking mode right now and like after work,

I'm gonna bake another batch of this and that and the other.

And like, that's what my mom did and that's what my grandmothers did.

And.

, that's how you prepare for the holidays.

And I'm like, me,

I'm gonna bake one set of cookies and instead of making four

pies, I'm gonna make one and everybody's gonna bring something.

And so like we need to celebrate too, what we're saying no to, what

we're getting rid of instead of.

I know I just can get so easily sucked into the like, oh yeah, oh, you're

already done with your shopping.

And then you feel like shit cuz you're like, oh, I haven't even started.

But that comparison and, and that it is a lack of self-compassion.

And, and we also miss the chance to celebrate one another when we're like,

if we don't give encouragement for like, oh, cool, you're not going to that party.

Me neither , yay us.

We're saying no.

yes.

the philosophical sense, but you know, it's

difficult in the practice.

It's really difficult because we're straining against

who we think we are, right?

I'm the person that gets all this stuff done.

No, I'm actually not that person, cuz now I'm not getting that stuff done.

But even the snail or the slower pace part, that's not even the real me.

Like I'm underneath all of all of those constructs.

Yeah, I think identity plays a big part in it, right?

Like, so many people ask.

what have you got going on?

What do you like?

if I'm around people, there's a pressure to be doing something.

There's a, you know, and I never know how to answer anyone anymore.

Like, you know how things going or, you know, I'll have, I have a few

people I meet with, like, I have a few other coaches sometimes that I meet

with, you know, every few weeks and.

And they were like planning and they're doing all their business stuff and

they're like, so what's going on with you?

And I always feel like, well, , you know, I don't know, not much.

I mean, there are things, there are things of course, but you know, it's, it's like

the whole world's wire to question this.

And you know, right now I think about my, my daughter who's 20.

And she's not going to college right now and she's doesn't have a job right now.

She can't actually technically work here in Mexico at the moment.

And you know, everywhere she goes, people are like, well, what are you doing?

Are you going to college?

Are you doing this?

Do you have a job?

What's happening?

You know?

And.

I'm trying to help her cuz she feels so much, shame around that.

Like there should be something that she's doing and you know, and I just

keep encouraging her to just honor where she's at, which is just like,

this is a time of figuring things out.

This is a time to decide what she wants to do, but there's

not a lot of permission in that.

You know, a lot of people just have so much pressure and expectations

that we should be doing.

Thing.

And, and I can feel that in myself too, right?

Every time someone asks me the question, you know, what do I say?

I'm, I'm resting.

I'm in a season of rest.

Right?

Like, I, I think I'm gonna start doing that, right?

But,

To fire that one off.

Yes.

it's not natural though, right?

It's not what we're programmed to do.

Mm-hmm.

Well, and sometimes people might, you

know, say, oh wow, that's great.

What are you doing after that , you know, it's like we're still

always looking and, and it's

such this cultural story, this

collective story.

And so I think it, it starts with, you know, What you just said.

We're all celebrating each other on this call.

We're celebrating rest for

our listeners and and finding these different little

pockets of community that do

remind you, oh, you're valuable right there.

Laying there resting instead of that

value, always being like, okay, yeah, rest, and let's get back to

your productivity and that value.

And, and I think, you know, it's internal.

It's that

internal know your value.

But it so helps when you have people around you celebrating your

value for knowing your limits.

And like you, you know, had said Emily, setting boundaries like.

That's a beautiful thing to do, you know?

And if we say, oh, I see you there.

Good job.

You just said yes to yourself, even though it was a hard no to your family or to that

client.

And so I think it's just been, I know it's been a really important

piece for me to surround myself with

people.

Hint, hint, Sonya Staman right here.

Like she, and she's been a, a great, um, you know, collaborator, little

coasts, nails, um, because we've been

able to, keep encouraging

each

other, and.

that's huge.

it, just goes a long

way for the listeners that are thinking, you know, who's who's your, who's your,

um, snail accountability partner.

Instead of it being your like, productivity, accountability,

Yes.

That's good.

We should all have one of those.

I

A hundred percent.

Yeah.

I think the further I've gotten into entrepreneurship, the further I've

moved away, like I went into all those constructs about, oh, this is

a time of year that you have to set.

Goals and you gotta make sure this, and like the further I've gotten

into it, I just go back to like slow and steady wins the race.

Like that's just sort of me like, I'll be the turtle, you said snail,

but I'm like, I'm kind of like the turtle and you may underestimate me

cuz I'm just moving pretty slowly.

But at some point I know that I'm gonna knock your socks off, but that's

not gonna be the result of winning the race like, I was the littlest,

like, I'm not gonna win the race.

I'm not gonna be the strongest, shortest one on the basketball team.

But my defense was really good.

Like I think that there's also celebrating the wins in that, like

the fact that if you're moving slower, you're gonna see a lot more.

you'll be able to take in the, the surroundings better.

You know, just little I, that's sort of, um, you know, allegorical for

the, for the tortoise of the snail.

But I think we overlook what comes to us when we resist kind of just speeding

ahead or we resist what is expected of us.

Sort of that joy of missing out kind of idea.

Mm, absolutely.

And, and the productivity that comes out of doing nothing.

, do you find that as well, all of the creative ideas and.

That we can, well, I can just sit there and just, you know,

try and perfect and come up with these solutions and everything.

And then when I give up and, you know, I'm on a long walk

or in the shower or whatever, that's when, when it comes to me.

Yeah,

same here.

Yeah.

And isn't that funny?

and we forget that It's like it

happens

and we forget.

yeah.

we do.

You said earlier though, too, Laura, that, and I

wrote this down, rest is not safe to us, and that just, Ooh, that hit

because I like, I feel that sense

of vulnerability and maybe that's what's connecting for me too.

It's like, here I am just vulnerable.

I can't put my identity in what I'm getting done or what

I'm doing for other people.

Right.

Mm.

I can't run that load of laundry And feel good while

watching tv, but I'm also doing this other thing for someone else, that's

not available if I'm truly resting.

And that's uncomfortable.

You know, as you're saying, Sonya like makes you look at things or

choose yourself, and that's hard.

That's so hard to choose

mm.

Well, and I, I can definitely, probably remember a lot

of experience of shame for slowing down or resting, taking care of myself

for not being productive, for not getting things done, for not, you know,

producing, like, there's a huge amount of shame I have internally from that.

And, and that's where my kind of unsafety is.

Right.

If I'm not producing, if I'm not getting things done, if I'm not, you

know, having results, then you know something's inherently wrong with me.

Something is shameful about me, and, and it pulls up those feelings.

And I've experienced a lot of that activation lately, you know, as I am,

you know, still fighting, but also, you know, allowing myself to slow down.

There's a lot of activation of shame that's been happening

and you know, I've had to

be with it, you know, so back to what you were saying earlier, Laura is like, being

with it is part of that process, right?

Part, like the permission and the willingness to be with

whatever shows up as you slow down is a piece of this journey.

And it's a really important piece.

And you know, I've had.

To be willing to face a lot of that shame.

And that is hard.

Like, to me, that's the hardest stuff to face.

and, there's a lot of it, right.

And it, it really has helped me understand why I kept myself so busy.

Why I always strive for more, why I was willing to work myself

into the ground to accomplish things is because I was running.

right.

And not really running to something as much as I claimed, as much as I

pretended to be running to something, I was running from that feeling.

And so it's been really interesting to have to like finally face it and

finally work with it and be with it and, you know, it's still a hard process.

Yeah, And it's taken time.

And that's what I think is important is we're talking about shifting

something we've been conditioned.

It's not a light switch, you know?

Yet once you start to.

To shine that light on it, that awareness.

Then you have more and more, I think, choice of kind of in the moment

feeling, being aware of like, oh, I really wanna give myself permission

to rest, but I have a lot of shame around that, or I have discomfort about

what I'm gonna feel when I do rest.

Or you just start to at least get to understand what is that story.

That you keep telling yourself about rest and then you, once you're

starting to unpack that one, you can be like, oh, and how much of that

story is externally driven and how much have I internalized from family?

Or, you know, so there's just so much to be said about.

Just looking at rest, it's like,

why is it such a complicated relationship that we are having

with something so innately human?

I mean, we need rest.

It's so, it's as just as important as water and oxygen and, you know,

and yet we have this complicated

relationship with it.

Yeah.

You know, it really reminds me, it's, it's something that really hit me as

I've been, um, studying more about, you know, our nervous system And

trauma and these different things.

somebody I was listening to was talking about how, you know, our naturals.

State is the rest.

Right?

The, the activation is something we do in the moment of trauma, in the

moment of something happening right?

that's that's like our natural state, you know, in terms of,

facing something that's scary or facing something that's threatening.

But rest is actually where we should be all the time.

And then that par, the sympathetic or the activation is really

just like occasionally when we are so opposite, right?

We are activated all the time.

Like that's what I'm really realizing as I slow down, is I'm actually

in activation and hyper vigi.

All the time, but I have, I've maintained it.

I've managed it right.

I've, kind of shelved it under this idea that I'm calm and that

I'm centered and, but like the more awareness I open up, I'm like,

wow, I'm activated all the time.

And so we've really, Switch such a our nature, and that really

hit me as like, wow, you know, biologically we're really off ,like,

we're really off.

You know,

it's a powerful realization.

my gosh.

I love that so much.

Thank you for that reflection.

I'm gonna actually kind of use that to, I

was thinking, you know, to explain base camp, which is like

baseline should really be, yeah.

Is is your parasympathetic there?

There you are, base camp, then you gotta climb the mountain, you gotta

hike, you gotta get somewhere that then you mobilize and your sympathetic

nervous system will come on to get you mobilized and get you going.

But then, you know, The

ability to return to that base camp, return to baseline, that

is your resilience right there.

It's like, cuz you're gonna constantly be activated and charged.

And those are the words we use.

Activation charge, uh, you know, it's like something is, is

actually mobilizing, but it's often the temporary state cuz then you come

back after that, you rest and you're.

Just, you know, and rest cannot be, it doesn't mean sleep.

People get that confused.

It's like, yes, we need eight hours of, of sleep at night, at, at least,

and most Americans get four to six, just saying, but we need that sleep.

But that's also, you know, rest is like sitting calmly.

We have to be actually in parasympathetic to digest our food properly, to

get all the nutrition from our food to be able

to like eat is to

be resting and how many people are

eating?

Like in an activated, sympathetic aroused state.

So it's really interesting when you start looking through that lens

and realize how most people will, if they report how, what state they're

in, they're in sympathetic more often

throughout

their day.

Mm.

And Laura, you've just helped me get an insight in terms of

what's been happening for me.

I've been.

Sympathetic rest , if that's a, if that's a thing.

like I've been activated, like just I need to rest and I dunno

what rest is and, but I'm sort of like, it's, it's rest as an action.

Like I'm, I'm doing rest as opposed to.

It embodied being rest . So I've somehow like activated my sympathetic

nervous system probably because, you know, my default, my network can be a,

like a difficult place to be in rest.

Um, but yeah, that's, that's really, yeah.

It's really interesting to sort of reflect on different ways I guess,

that we do go into rest and what are the barriers and everything as.

Mm-hmm.

I think that's

a really good point because I think a lot of times we're in activated rest, right?

Like, you know, we're, we're binging, we're actually disconnecting

or disassociating, right?

Like we call it rest, but it's like an activation.

It's not really in our parasympathetic, it's not really in.

State it's not really enjoying things, you know, it really being

embodied and experiencing whatever.

It's like we're in this like activated and that's what I've noticed about myself

a lot of times when I, I look calm and I look like I'm resting, but my body's in

like freeze or my body is in constriction and I'm like, Ooh, I'm actually activated.

I'm not in rest right now.

, and, and so, you know, that's a really.

Point I think it is to make, cuz you know, as we're exploring the

subject, you know, what is active rest or what is rest for us, right?

Being able to discern that a lot of times what we're calling rest is not

giving us the recovery that we need.

A hundred

percent.

Yeah, I think that's a key piece, like

knowing what recovery, knowing.

Your recovery looks like and easing into that.

Like I find at the end of my days, I don't feel necessarily, like while

I'm sitting at my desk finishing up, I don't feel necessarily stressed,

but the minute I step outside to take the dog for a walk, I'm like, oh my

God, , I was holding all of this right?

I feel in my body.

And then I notice Theos and the cactus run, and I feel now I'm starting to like.

Come down, I'm starting to recover.

understanding what our recoveries look like can go a long way.

Like I'm, I'm wondering about that as we're having this conversation

and if we all had a good idea of what does recovery look like and maybe by

calling it recovery, we, we removed some of the stigma around rest and

the feelings of guilt and, but we all.

Recover.

And that's a daily practice cuz it's a daily onslaught of what

we're taking on without realizing it

We're climbing that hill a

lot, Laura, we're

climbing that hill.

. Laura Shook-Guzman: Yeah.

We need to come down, come down the hill,

you know?

And

if anything

and down, up and down, up and down.

right.

You know, and if anything, I hope you know, this episode just inspires, or

you know, even offers some permission.

Right.

For all of

us.

To take that recovery path, to take that rest to figure out what we

need, especially during this holiday seasons, which does bring such a

mix of emotions for most of us.

Um, and I think it's really important to rest.

So, you know, as we wrap up today's episode, which I love, um, I'd love

to just hear from each one of you, anything you'd like to share with the

listeners as we wrap up the season.

Anything you'd like to share?

Um, or anything about the topic we're talking about today, which, In recovery.

What do you think?

Something jumps into my mind and.

. you know, I think the idea of reclaiming

recovery, in our culture, in the dialogue, sometimes the, the mindset.

We need to do more.

We need to do better.

We need to change this.

And I would just offer to our audience, if at any point during this season, you know,

you felt that tug, acknowledge it, but know that you are complete and whole all

within yourself, and you don't have to do anything different, to reclaim yourself.

I mean, even just listening and actively is a form of that.

So, I would just offer that up to our audience and just a lot of gratitude in

my heart for taking us along on your walks and allowing us to have that conversation

and reassure you, Hey, you're enough.

Hmm.

beautiful.

So I just, yeah.

I'm so grateful for having this opportunity today.

It feels like, um, self therapy for me, . So thank you

. Um, and just, yeah, really grateful to

And, you know, one of the things that has.

Has arisen for me through doing this.

Um, this podcast has been, it's been

reclaiming myself journey, it, um, you

know, it's been joyful and it's also seen, I've seen the ways that I am continuing

to abandon myself and all of that.

And so I just, I guess I just want to reiterate that this is a journey that

never ends and, the best partner we can have on this is compassion, because that

is, the, the partnership that we can have as we navigate forgetting and remembering,

you know, resting and not resting.

that is how we can, Do this Well, I guess, and make it easier.

Um, and then I've also recognized as I've been learning so much about

compassion, that resistance and compassion cannot co, they cannot exist together.

so if we're having trouble accessing compassion, Then asking what are

we resisting about our direct experience, either internally or

externally, and, and start there.

rather than trying to seek compassion, which is, you know, I've done that too,

. thank you so much everyone for listening.

And yeah, I would really just like to kind of conclude

this conversation by reflecting on something that Emily said actually

with the embracing the Mary and the melancholy of this season.

And I think that that is very well applied to life and being in rest and

being with being with ourselves in order to allow that deeper recoveries that.

That joy that, you know, once we slow down, we reconnect to ourselves

and there's so much magic that comes from connection with ourselves and

others, and there's a lot of joy that we can experience at a deeper level.

And also knowing that the melancholy will also be there, that sitting

with the self isn't always easy.

It can bring up memories or reflections or, or things that you don't

always feel comfortable being with.

Yet, it's my belief that embracing all of that is how we move into a deeper

connection with ourselves and create more capacity for being in the world,

Yeah, really beautiful.

I love that from everybody.

And

you know, I really appreciate this opportunity to be with you all.

You know, both the listeners and the co-hosts.

Like, it has been a really amazing season of discovery and exploration,

unpacking things, you know, and I think for myself, it's really been a lot of,

I think giving myself permission, right?

Like I feel like that's what I've taken from the season.

Permission to just be where I'm at, permission to rest,

permission to slow down.

Like, you know, I really feel that so much of reclaiming myself

right now has been about that.

You know, permission because I feel like if I can't get honest about what I

really need and who I really am and how my energy operates, right, it's really

not an honest reclaiming myself, right?

And so I feel like I've had that, you know, ability to recognize that through

all these conversations and through all these connections and, you know, it's

just been a really great opportunity.

Hmm.

Thank you, Sonya.

Yeah.

Thank you for gathering us

Yeah, and thank you to all the listeners for being here and you

know, we hope you've enjoyed this season.

I'm sure we will have another season and some great episodes

that we do, you know, next year.

So you know, in the meantime, I really encourage you to honor

yourself and rest and recover, and we will see you next year.

I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of reclaiming ourselves, looking

for a speaker for your organization, or wanna dive deeper into the

process of reclaiming yourself.

I would love an opportunity to work with you.

You can find more about my services, read articles and listen to all of my

podcast episodes@sonyastattmann.com Have an amazing day.

And thanks for listening.