Often, your podcast host is asked why he is so open and vulnerable when sharing his story, and why it has been second nature to share it in various ways to deliver meaningful value. The biggest secret to ever opening up about your story is not just about being comfortable with your own story, but knowing that it deserves to be heard by others, regardless of the reaction that is received. Today’s episode is all about exploring how to get started on the path of not only feeling more comfortable being transparent, but why you can make a difference, even in one person’s life, because of sharing it.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 169 of Speaking from the Heart.

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I really want to open up to you about why

it's so important to share your story.

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Not only is it because that you have

something to share to this world that is

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really important, but not only do you need

to take into consideration that you can

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have an influential mark on other people

based on what you have been through, and

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maybe, just maybe, what you'll be able

to influence someone else to do, simply

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because you were very open and transparent

about what your struggles, what your

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achievements, what your successes are.

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Today, I'm going to help you with sharing

that awesome story, because regardless

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of what reaction is received, regardless

of what you might feel as a level of

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comfort or a level of transparency

about it, you can make a difference not

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just in all kinds of people's lives,

but if you can make an impact on just

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one person's life, that, in itself,

can be such a rewarding experience.

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Before we even dive into that, I have

to tell you why we're even doing this

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episode today, because since I've started

this podcast over a year and a half ago,

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it's been amazing to hear all kinds of

feedback from my listeners, even people

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that are close friends of mine, telling

me about why I've been so open; why have

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I been so transparent about some of the

struggles, some of the issues, some of

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the things that I have been through.

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Of course, many people even reach

out to say, "You're oversharing.

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Why are you doing that?

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Don't you think that's going to

impact your business, let alone even

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people that want to work with you?

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Aren't you alienating them to begin with?

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Don't you even think about

yourself when you hear yourself

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talk about all these things?"

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All of those questions, all of those

points are taken into consideration,

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and early on, I had a lot of imposter

syndrome about whether or not I should

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share many of my situations, many of

my struggles that I've been through,

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but it's become second nature for

me, especially as I've gotten to this

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point, to continuously share why it's so

important to not only listen to stories

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that I've had on the show, but it's

also going to help so much with creating

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that advertisement, that opportunity

to not only help yourself become that

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best version of yourself, but also help

each other see that we all struggle.

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We all have similar plights.

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We might have some things that we're

willing to work on, but to have that

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inspiration, to have that creativity, to

be able to share who you really are, means

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that you're able to find that opportunity

amongst each other, and ourselves.

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The biggest secret in ever opening up

about your story is not only knowing

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what the facts are, but being comfortable

with what you're being able to share.

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It was roughly 13 years ago that I walked

into my first Toastmasters meeting, which

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for many of my listeners, I've told this

story in some of my earlier episodes,

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but for my newer listeners, you might

have never even heard of this, so I'm

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going to go ahead and share it with you.

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Walking into that room, where

I saw people that I never saw

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before, I was very afraid.

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I wasn't sure what kind of

reaction I was going to receive.

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A freshly minted college student that

graduated with high marks, being able

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to also work on his first master's

degree, which at a very early age is

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something that you normally don't think

about, has been an achievement after

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achievement after achievement, but yet

that was only in the academic sense.

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When I walked into the real world,

knowing that public speaking was

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going to be so important, I realized

that maybe I needed to work on those

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skills a little bit more than I ever

paid attention to in the first place.

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Hence the reason that even after

almost 13 years, I'm still involved

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with Toastmasters in some capacity,

but the biggest secret about opening

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up, being able to share our story,

is that I had to just get up there.

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I had to try, and trying means

that you have to put a little

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bit of effort into something that

normally doesn't come easy for some

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people, or maybe some circumstances.

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It actually means putting yourself

being vulnerable, and just trying to

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get yourself to move in the direction

that creates not just the things that

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allow us to find opportunity, not just

in the ways in which we need to share

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ourselves, but also realizing that the

skills that I could learn, the ideas, the

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perspectives that I could realize today,

can be further shared with other people.

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That's where my love of

Toastmasters came alive.

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When I knew that I was practicing

not only the visualization skills

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of being able to have eye contact,

being able to project my voice, being

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able to share meaningful, general

and specific purpose type speeches.

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These all accumulated into opportunities

that regardless of what other people

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might feel about it, I got comfortable

with myself, which the truth be told,

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the biggest obstacle that I had to

overcome was myself, and that's why,

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for so long, it took me to this point

to know that I had to be comfortable

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with my story, to be comfortable with

sharing some details about myself that

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maybe other people might have never

known, but yet, I kept them closely

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guarded, thinking that if I would ever

share them, people would be freaked out.

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Sure.

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I've talked about all kinds of things

on this show that, personally, I've

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been through: suicide attempts, messing

around with other women, and there's

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even so many other things yet to

share, which I'm slowly starting to

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open up to, that have not even been

talked about, that I can't wait to

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share with you, but it comes with time.

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It comes with perspective.

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It comes with knowing that if you

have something that you really want to

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share, that you really want to impart on

somebody else, why let that hold you back?

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Why let that push you aside?

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Make you feel like you're worthless?

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Make you feel like you shouldn't

because you're silenced by

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what everybody else is doing?

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Before you start criticizing yourself as

to why you shouldn't do it, you should

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really start criticizing yourself as to

why you tell yourself you can't do it.

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Flipping that switch, flipping that script

of knowing that you have this ability to

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share this story with others, knowing that

it deserves to be heard by others means

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that you have to be not only comfortable

with your own skin, not only do you

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realize that you have to be comfortable

with the facts that you have, but truth

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be told, being open and vulnerable means

that you also have to learn patience,

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kindness with yourself, being able to

say that although I've been through this,

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I am a work in progress, and yes, maybe

you are opening old wounds, but at the

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same time, you might be discovering new

ways in which maybe you can share your

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story in the most unique way, because

each story that we tell has multiple,

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multiple, multiple endings to it.

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What do I mean by that?

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It's simple.

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The messages that we have in each of the

things that we do or go through, whether

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that's with a person, a place, or a

thing, each have different connotations.

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They have different ways in which

they resonate with the audience.

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They have ways in which they can

create roads that are paved for us

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to learn, grow, inspire, cheer on,

persuade, inform, entertain, maybe

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get a laugh or two, regardless of

what it is, one thing is for certain.

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Knowing that whatever reaction is received

means that you have to understand you

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are worthy of being able to communicate

all those different messages, and that

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you're not going to please everyone.

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Just as much as I tell my life coaching

clients that you can't get to every single

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person because they would also have to

overcome some of their own hurdles, their

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own challenges, we also have to learn

that in the public speaking realm, we're

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not going to be able to seek, or reach

out, to every single audience member,

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so how do we get started with this?

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How do we even get comfortable with

talking about subjects that are

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very personable to us, whether it's

something that might be of a financial

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sense, maybe a breakup with someone?

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How can we share these messages so

that they have a context, a picture

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if you will, that fits into the bigger

jigsaw puzzle of what we're trying

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to share in our lives, our stories,

or maybe even in that public speaking

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event that we're trying to approach?

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Well, I have a few suggestions for you

that maybe you can start writing down.

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Number one is that you have to

learn to get comfortable just being

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able to get in front of a room.

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Whether that is even in a microphone,

whether that's in front of a camera, it

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doesn't matter what you will define what

room is, but the room has to be something

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that you can start very small, and

grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger in.

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You don't have to reach for the stars.

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You don't have to be

speaking to 30,000 people.

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You don't have to start out

with such a big audience.

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Truth be told, in my Toastmasters journey,

I averaged between 5 to 10 people in the

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audience, and got upwards to possibly 20

to 30 people, and then in the highlight

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of my Toastmasters career, which is

definitely not ending anytime soon, I have

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been able to reach 100 to 200 people max.

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Those might be small rookie numbers to

some people, especially professional

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speakers, but to me, I feel comfortable

being able to speak to those bigger

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circles now because of being able

to see what the dynamics are.

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Being able to see all kinds of different

interactions and relationships,

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all the different confidence and

determination factors that I had to

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wrestle with to get to where I am

today, so start small with the room.

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Room being whatever that is, whether it

is in front of a camera, whether it's

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in front of somebody else, or those five

to ten people that might be attending.

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Number two is after you get

comfortable with the room, get

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comfortable with your speaking.

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The biggest imposter syndrome

that I had for the longest time

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was listening to my own voice.

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I have to be honest, though, that

it took until this podcast, starting

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this, made me feel a lot more

comfortable with the way that I spoke.

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Sometimes I don't say the right words.

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Sometimes I have mispronunciations.

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If you really are a hawk eye listener

to this show, you'll even notice that

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some of the words, that even when these

episodes go through the final cut, I

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still leave in words that are incorrect.

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It's okay though, but I got

comfortable with knowing that

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even when I make mistakes, I'm

starting to grow and understand

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how I resonate with the audience.

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Whether I speak really loud or speak

really soft, I know that my energy

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level can be controlled, and being

able to use those different types of

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techniques takes repetition, practicing

over and over again, but also learning

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about how my voice resonates with

others, so number two is really getting

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comfortable with what your voice sounds

like, and not every voice is unique.

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Embrace your unique qualities, and

don't try to mimic someone else.

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Those are some of the most basic of

things that even the most accomplished

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speakers oftentimes forget.

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The last point that I could offer

today that would help you with getting

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over what you might have as fear,

or concern, about telling your story

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to others is knowing that if people

are judging you, if they are rattled

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by what you have to say, you have a

million dollar signature topic speech.

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Let me repeat that again.

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Your speech that might be offending,

might be hurting someone, could

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be worth a million dollars.

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Now, I have to also caveat saying that,

because I'm not saying that offensive,

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vulgar topics that you are talking

about will attract potential people

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that will pay you a million dollars to

listen to it, but if you think about

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all the movies, all the different types

of films that have been aired across

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the years based on real events, even

writings, books that have been based

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on true characters, many of those deals

happen from real life experiences, or

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adapted from real life experiences,

to be able to become most acclaimed.

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I often think of the movie Rudy in which

that was based on a real true story

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of somebody that walked onto the Notre

Dame field and was able to play football

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at a collegiate level for one game.

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That in itself, in a story that

can be told for generations and

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generations, can simply help you to

understand that what you have to share

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can be worth so much financially.

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Let me pause after sharing those three

things, to wrap up with this important

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message of why, oh why, you shouldn't

hang your hat on just the financial

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concerns of what you're able to share.

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You never know what you can leave

as an impact on somebody else simply

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by sharing your voice in this world

that is rampant with wanting to

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hear so much different opportunity.

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We just wrapped up in the

United States the most important

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election of our lifetimes.

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Regardless of what you might feel

about either candidate, or the

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candidate that won, there's one

thing that we have to remember.

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Our voice, our ability to share in

the context in which we're able to

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project our opportunity to be heard,

our way to be voiced, means that we

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have to learn how to tell our story.

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We have to be able to not only signify

why it's so important for us to learn

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and grow and expand, but we also have to

dig deep into the reasons why that story

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is so important; knowing the purpose,

knowing how to project yourself, different

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attitudes, perceptions, realities of other

people, can make us feel more comfortable,

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more transparent, in some circles over

others as to why our messaging is so

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important, but the aspect of what is

really at the heart of why I share this

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message today is that it just takes one

person to hear what you have to say,

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that will help you with not only telling

that story today, but how that story

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will be told for generations to come.

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You see, that voice that you have inside

of yourself can also be unleashing an

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awesome opportunity to share it with

other people, to share it with places

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that you never thought you could ever

reach, to maybe being written down

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to be read for generations to come.

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I'm sure that many of the authors that

we've had on the show, let alone all the

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authors that have ever written books in

their lifetimes, both past, present, and

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the future, would always want to have that

claim to fame, being able to share their

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story to others, whether it's fiction

or nonfiction, but being vulnerable,

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being able to share yourself, means

that you're giving a gift of compassion;

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giving it in a way in which when you

share it, you're delivering value.

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The secret isn't just about figuring out

why you want to share that story, how

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it could be paid off, how it could just

grow from a small little room to a bigger

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room, regardless of what that medium is.

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The real secret is how much are

you willing to invest in yourself

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so that you are able to share it?

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If you're ever going to open up

about your story, just know this.

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Even if you think that no one's

listening, there is at least one other

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person that is hearing you: yourself.

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Every time that you hear yourself

speak, every time that you share your

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story, you'll gain a deeper appreciation

about who you are, and the more that

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you feel comfortable about yourself,

the more that you get those reactions,

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even from yourself, even when you

feel that today is not the day to feel

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comfortable about sharing what is on

your heart and what is on your mind,

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just know that the impact that you

could have just starts with one person.

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Even if it's just you, even if

it's just your significant other,

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know that sharing your story, being

able to tell it, is something that

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you have every right to share.

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You have that ability to feel comforted

knowing that when you share it, you're

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giving yourself not only a pat on the

back, but maybe helping someone else

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that needs that supportive arm, through

your own words, to create the context

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of an envisioned future that you are

providing, and I think that being able

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to do that is pretty darn vulnerable of

you to do, but also, pretty rewarding.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 169 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.