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In this episode of "A Changed Mind", our host, David Bayer, explores the paradox of wanting and creating change in your life. David reveals how deep craving and attachment to desired outcomes—whether it's wealth, health, or fulfillment—can actually block you from achieving them.

Instead of pushing harder, David shares the importance of detachment, regulating your nervous system, and cultivating a sense of safety within. Through neuroscience, spirituality, and practical wisdom, he guides listeners to move from a primal survival state to a powerful, present state.

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Available on Amazon: A Changed Mind: Go Beyond Self Awareness, Rewire Your Brain & Reengineer Your Reality

Download the Audiobook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCKF721M

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What We Explored This Episode

01:06 Why Wanting Too Much Blocks Success

07:02 The Paradox of Desire and Nervous System Regulation

12:00 Detachment, Presence, and Emotional Freedom

Memorable Quotes

“Detachment isn’t about letting go of what you want; it’s about regulating your nervous system so you can feel safe whether or not the outcome happens.”

“You don’t manifest what you want; you manifest who you are.”

“Presence dissolves attachment instantly. When you’re right here, right now, and expect nothing, everything else becomes a bonus.”

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Welcome to a Changed Mind, a journey into the topics that matter to you most. From the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth, to groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth, and relationships, to open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture, and democracy. Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools, and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real, lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity, and doom and gloom so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy, and the potential you have inside you're in the right place. Welcome to a Changed mind.

All right, guys, we're going to get into one of the great paradoxes in terms of creating success, creating wealth, creating your reality. And it's this idea that you can't actually want the thing that you want now that can be very, very confusing. I've talked about before how important desire is. But the moment that we want something, unconsciously, we notice the absence of it. And the challenge is, is that the nervous system is built to protect against threats. And so naturally, our attention goes to the absence of the thing that we want. We start explaining and justifying it, coming up with reasons, even reinforcing beliefs around why the thing does not yet exist in our life. And so that moves us into what we would call a primal state. It's really kind of crazy when you think about it. It's like you want more money, but then all of a sudden you notice that you don't have enough. You want better health. But then that brings your attention to the chronic discomfort you're experiencing in your body. Find a soulmate. But now you're starting to notice that there are no really good ones left out there. So if we really want to start creating change in our life, we have to reclaim control of this operating system we've been given. Rather than allowing it to hijack our attention. So just know that it's natural. The moment you desire something to pay attention to the absence of it. But that lack, that paying attention to the absence of it. Activates the nervous system and puts us into survival mode. And this is a problem, because when we're in survival mode, we're not attractive, we're not creative. We're not thinking thoughts that are in alignment with producing the result that we want. We have a beautiful distinction that we teach called the two states of being. And it says that there are only two states of being. Primal states, States of being that don't feel good. This is when the sympathetic nature of your nervous system is active. The fight, the flight, the freeze. This is when you're stressed, you're anxious, you're overwhelmed. So a primal state of being. And then there are powerful states of being. States that feel good, like joy, curiosity, excite. That's when your parasympathetic nervous system is active. And this is really important to understand. Because everything that you want to create is going to come from a powerful state. When your parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and relaxation is active. That's when you're vibrant. That's when you're coherent. That's where abundance and health and relationships all reside. And so the survival mode, the primal state, actually blocks intuition. It blocks timing, it blocks synchronicity. And this is because we've effectively moved into the nervous system of an animal. This is the survival mechanism versus the power of the creative human being. And so the tighter that you hold onto an outcome, the more resistance you create. And the more time you spend in an upregulated nervous system. And this is why trying harder often makes things worse. Now, I remember when I first got into personal growth. And I had a lot of kind of awarenesses and change in the way that I was thinking in the first six months to a year. And then it sort of flatline. I don't know if you can relate to this. But, like, I started to feel stuck in personal growth, so I started doing personal growth harder. Like, I really wanted my mindset to change. I really wanted to feel better. I really desired getting out of sort of the morning anxiety and stress that I would feel when I would wake up. But that desire, that wanting, that craving for the change is actually attachment. And so attachment is this emotional dependence. I need this outcome to produce itself in order for me to feel better. So we're going to talk about how that's actually the opposite. The key is to feel better, and then the outcome produces itself. So what we're really talking about here is detachment. And it's important. Detachment is not letting go of what you want. Detachment is a regulation of your nervous system. Detachment, I found, actually comes from the body. It comes from the nervous system. It's not a. A mental or psychological or logical thing. If I can get my body to relax, then my mind will follow. So this is a little bit opposite of what a lot of personal growth teaches and a lot of what I teach, which is working with your belief systems, changing your beliefs. That's great work too. But when we start to notice that we're detached, it's very hard that we are attached. It's very hard to convince the mind to let go. And so we want to look to the body for detachment. Because when the body relaxes, your perception changes, your thoughts change. A regulated nervous system feels safe with or without the outcome. And so rather than need to produce the outcome to feel safe, because if you really look at what the craving is, it's a feeling of unsafety. We want to start to build safety, the feeling of safety inside of us. Because once we feel safe, the outcome will produce itself. And a safety is a removing of the urgency. Safety is the removing of the need for some outcome to happen. Now it's sort of like surrender. It's like, okay, I've already requested this thing in my life. I've requested to be healthier. I've requested to have a more successful business. I've requested to have more clarity around my purpose. The order is being fulfilled by God or the universe or Jesus or Allah or whatever responds for you, right? But this idea of ask and you shall receive. And so now I'm going to allow myself to relax. There's nothing else for me to do. So this idea removes the urgency. I've told the story before. It's like sitting in a diner and ordering a pastrami sandwich. You've placed your order, and while Life is trying to fulfill on the order through new thoughts that come to you, new perceptions, coincidences, synchronicities. As the server who just took your order is going back to place the order so it can be prepared, you interrupt the process and say, excuse me, excuse me, where's my pastrami sandwich? And the server says, well, I have to go back to the kitchen. I've only walked five feet away from your table. And you go, okay, sorry, sorry. That's right. And then the server gets another five feet away. You're like, excuse me, is my pastrami sandwich coming soon? You'll never get your pastrami sandwich unless you let the server get to the kitchen. So let the universe do its work and stop asking, stop craving, stop wanting and fearing that it's never going to come. That's the attachment. And let's move into detachment, right? Let's move into a safety that understands that we don't need to be urgent about anything because life is doing the work. Urgency is what blocks the flow. Now, it's important to understand, like, you don't detach by forcing calm. Because this is almost the same challenge that we have when we want something very badly. Now all of a sudden, we want to detach. So it's like, how do I detach? How do I detach? That in and of itself is detachment, right? So you don't detach by trying to force calm. You detach by restoring safety. This is a really important distinction. You don't detach by trying to force the calm and the relaxation. You detach by building, restoring, reclaiming safety inside of yourself. And this is why, when you learn how to detach and you start to reconnect with the safety, that all is well and I am safe, there's nothing for me to do right now. The order has been placed. I don't need to work harder. I may need to do some more things, but those thoughts will naturally come to me. The action will be inspired. Other resources will show up around me to help to create the result. It feels like relief. So detachment feels like relief. It doesn't feel like effort. And it's actually an identity shift because you naturally detach when you become the person who knows that what you want is already on the way, right? That's an identity shift. I'm not someone who chases. I'm someone who receives. And so this new identity, that is a relaxed feeling of safety, a knowingness that what you want is already on the way, that starts to change your behavior, change your perception, change your psychology. And so now you're starting to. Neville Goddard talks about this. He describes it as the great mystic Neville Goddard acting as if the wish fulfilled. So you're acting now as someone who has already received it. Because if you had already received what you want, that's exactly how you'd be thinking. Feeling relaxing, feeling safe. Oh my gosh, here I have the thing. There's nothing that's threatening me. I don't have to worry about when will it come, or will it come. And the idea is to embody that nervous system now, be that identity now, because that will produce the thoughts again, the synchronicities, the rendezvous that will produce the result. So a secure identity doesn't have to chase outcomes, it allows outcomes. And so when you are detached, knowing that what you want is already on the way and feeling safe as a result of it, you stop asking will this happen? And you start living from certainty. In fact, you just sort of go along with your life knowing that in the right way, in a beautiful way, this result will produce itself. And so detachment happens automatically when your identity starts to stabilize and it's stabilizing in a powerful state in a parasympathetic tone of your nervous system. And this is why other techniques, like trying to detach, fail. Because it's approaching the problem from the wrong end. We want to approach it from the solution. And the solution is not to force detachment, but it is to reconnect with and restore safety within yourself. And a lot of what we're talking about here is expectation. Because expectation is ties your emotional state to future outcomes. And when expectations aren't met, then disappointment is guaranteed. So expectation keeps you living in this fantasy of the future instead of being present right here, right now. And so when we notice that we have expectation or attachment, the antidote to that is presence being present right here, right now to what's going on versus some scenario in the future. Because presence dissolves attachment instantly. In other words, when you're right here, right now and you expect nothing, everything else becomes a bonus. And this is where you start to have emotional freedom. This is where you start living in non resistance. Because non resistance is the real manifestation mechanism. When you're resistant, meaning when you're attached and you're feeling unsafe and you're living in the future, that delays timelines. When you're in non resistance, knowing that what you want is on the way, therefore feeling safe and being present right now to what's going on in your life, it collapses timelines. So detachment isn't about not having the desire. It's about removing the friction around the desire. When you remove the friction around the desire, the wanting, the craving, the expectation, the questions about why isn't it here? What am I doing wrong? When is it going to happen? In other words, when you stop needing the outcome, space opens up. Presence is alive. And it's when you're present and you're alive and you're safe and there's space. That's where the change can occur. And again, I'm not. This is not a law of attraction seminar where I'm saying, like, the Amazon delivery person is going to deliver a million dollars to your front doorstep. No, like if your desire is to make a million dollars, you will take action. You will do things, but you will do it from a powerful state. You will do it with presence. There will be space around your doing so that you can co create with others and co create with reality. Because space is where synchronicity and opportunity and intuition emerge. And in that way, you're not pushing towards the future, you're actually allowing your future to arrive. And this is something I have to remind myself on a day to day basis. I have a big vision for what we're creating here. Helping to transform humanity, build companies that are going to allow people to live in democratized, decentralized, regenerative ways. And I know that I've already placed my order and now I work with what shows up on a day to day basis, with presence and with detachment. Trusting that if it's God's will for me, then God's going to provide me all of the resources that I need in order to produce that result. Not just externally, but internally, right? The thoughts, the perceptions, the ideas. And I have to trust that timing. And when I do live that way, what I'm describing is detachment. And so again, especially in the current success model and the hustle and grind model, where it's like, if you're not working hard 24 7, someone somewhere else is and when you meet them, they will win. Like I heard that on some other show over the last couple of weeks. It's like, I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in learning how to be safe now and not need the things that I want to be fulfilled in order to be safe. And the irony there is that if I can live in that safety now, that presence, that detachment, everything I want that should be mine will be mine. So if there's one thing I want you to take from this episode, it's this detachment isn't something that you force. It's something that happens naturally when you stop fighting the structure of reality and you start aligning with it. It's the moment you regulate your nervous system, you stabilize your identity and you release the need for outcomes to validate you. That's when the resistance collapses. It's when presence occurs. It's when space opens up and when resistance collapses and clarity returns and intuition sharpens, synchronicities start to accelerate. And the future that you've been trying to reach literally starts moving towards you. Now, this is the work that we go far deeper into in my Mind Hack and Whole Human Framework courses. If you want to check them out, there's a link in the show notes. We also spend three full days at my annual event, the Powerful Living Experience Live. It's coming up in Round Rock, Texas this year. Check it out. There's a link in the show notes. And also, if you haven't yet, check out my book, A Changed Mind. Learn how to live in alignment, how to stop operating from survival, and how to become the version of you that really actually responds to the desires that you have. So this episode is the doorway. The work is the transformation. Remember, you don't manifest what you want, you manifest who you are. And we're on this journey together. This is not a do it yourself project. This is a do it with others. I love you so much. Thank you for being with me and allowing me to share this with you in this episode and I will see you in the next one. Hey, it's David, one more thing if you want to go even deeper on everything we've talked about on today's episode, don't forget to jump over to www.DavidBear.com. you can find the link in the show notes and subscribe to our newsletter. A couple of times a week, I'm going to be sending you the latest episodes that we've released along with additional free trainings. You'll get immediate access to my Free Mind Hack ebook and go even deeper into all the tools, the technologies, the frameworks that have helped tens of thousands of people establish a changed mind. Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.