Breaking free from the solo mom identity is more than changing titles. It's a journey of rediscovering yourself and reclaiming your happiness.

If you're tired of feeling overwhelmed, alone, and unsure of how to rebuild your life after separation or divorce, this episode offers a powerful perspective from Irina Shehovsov, a transformational coach and solo mom who’s been there.

Irina shares her heartfelt story of losing her sense of identity amidst the chaos of single parenting and how she transformed her life by shifting her mindset and embracing self-care. She reveals that many women feel like they’re just their title—"solo mom"—but in truth, there’s so much more beneath the surface. Her journey from burnout to purpose is a call to all single moms to see themselves beyond their circumstances.

You’ll discover:

• The critical moment that sparked Irina’s decision to prioritize her happiness and how you can do the same
• Practical strategies to restore your identity, including simple habits like gratitude, forgiveness, and daily self-affirmation
• How to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of solo parenting without losing yourself in the process
• The importance of redefining “normal” on your own terms, and why you’re more than just a single mom
• Tools for managing stress, setting boundaries, and practicing self-love, even in the busiest moments

This episode is a must-listen if you’re feeling stuck in the “solor” of your life, or if you're seeking clarity, hope, and a new way forward. Irina’s inspiring insights remind us that you’re only one decision away from reclaiming your life—because you deserve happiness too.

Perfect for single moms ready to embrace their full, authentic selves—this isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving with confidence and purpose. Take the first step to your transformation today.

Bio: Irina Shehovsov is a transformational coach, speaker, and author dedicated to helping women reclaim their lives after loss or hardship. Her books, "The Gift Inside" and her podcast, "Single Parent Success Stories," have empowered thousands to find hope and joy. Connect with her at irinashehovsov.com or on social media to start your journey.Remember: Your identity doesn’t have to be defined by your circumstances. It’s time to see yourself as more than just a solo parent—because your happiness is worth fighting for.

Connect with Irina: Book | Website | Podcast

Join the discussion. Our new group SoloMoms! Podcast Chat aims to create lively discussions around each episode and topics we cover. Join the discussion here.

Check out our Courage to Believe Daily Devotionals on Youtube here.

https://solomomstalk.mysites.io/podcast-2-copy/irina

This podcast is hosted by Captivate, try it yourself for free.

Children are an heritage of the Lord, and many mothers consider having children the greatest blessing on earth. But what happens when we lose ourselves so much so that we no longer know who we are without our children? On today's episode, I speak with author, speaker, and podcaster, Irina Shehavshalva, a solo mother who explains what it feels like to no longer know who you are.

as an individual during the marriage and while raising children solo. She also reminds us that no matter where you are on your solo mom journey, do something every day that sets your soul on fire.

My guest today is Irina Shohovsov. Thank you for coming and talking to me today, Irina. I appreciate you. Yeah. Thank you. Yes. So we're at Solar Moms Talk and I met you before because I was on your podcast, which is about Solar Moms as well. But before we get into that and get into what you do, could you tell us who is Irina?

Irina is many things. Irina is a transformational coach, podcast host, ⁓ YouTuber, book writer, speaker. ⁓ And my whole ⁓ journey or my whole key message is bringing back hope, reclaiming your life. I'm the founder of Reclaim Your Life. I believe we're only one decision away from reclaiming a life. And it is...

our job to life will happen to us, but how long we choose to suffer is up to us. We can change that aspect. Yeah, that's true. That's so true. Thank you very much for sharing that with us. ⁓ Now you host the podcast, Single Parent Success Stories. ⁓ What inspired you to start that?

Yeah, I was at the time at Brandon Bouchard Mastermind and a fellow ⁓ member was doing series of interviews with entrepreneurs and I said, what a great idea. I want to speak to single parents who've been there, done that. I didn't have any idea about podcasting. I was simply inspired to have conversations because I myself was still, I'm a single parent and I didn't consider myself an expert. I wanted to change the narrative.

to experts to help navigate the post-divorce journey. So whether it's finance, management, physical, mental health, emotional, or raising children. And I also speak to adult kids who grew up in a single parent home to kind of give 360 degree overview of what it's like. Any kind of imparting message that people can share that help present single parents who are raising kids today can do their job better and feel that they're not as alone.

learning from one another and connecting with people whom I would never have otherwise met. Right. Yeah. Okay. All right. Great. I love to hear that. I love to hear the success stories. But before we get into more of the success, I have to ask you, because one of the things that I discovered about myself as a divorced mom and many single moms who I've interviewed and talked to is that we always think

our situation is unique, that we're alone, there's nobody else who's going through what we're going through. So tell us, how did you become a solo mom? I became a solo mom when my son was a newborn and my daughter was five years old. And it was a difficult time back then.

because I lost my identity. I didn't know who I was outside of being a mom and someone else's spouse. And I was waiting for a year for somebody to come rescue me from my misery. And even before I became a solo mom, I already felt like a solo mom because all of the medical appointments, taking kids to the park, most of the time I did by myself. So, and when I became a solo mom,

it became even more ⁓ difficult because I had that loss of identity and I didn't know who I was. Every day felt like I was a soldier that went to war that never ended. Because when you're a single parent, you are supposed to be on 24-7. You don't have days off, you don't have vacations, you don't have sick days. Even when you're sick, you got to get up and do the same and be the person that you're supposed to be.

all the time and can be tiring, can be overwhelming, it can be exhausting. That's how I felt. On outside, you wouldn't see that anything is wrong because I had a good job, I had a good family, food and shelter overhead. But inside, I felt like the walls were collapsing in. I didn't know who I was and I was living in that sense of uncertainty.

and lack of clarity. I wish I had the time machine that I can go back into the future and see what is a good decision to make. But of course I didn't have that. I think when we, and another thing that I was thinking at the time also, I was this outlier because all around me, everybody was together and married and happy. At least that's what it looked like on outside. But I was this weird single parent.

Yeah, yeah. together like what's wrong with me? How come? And discovering what normal is and we all get to define our own normal. I'm not saying my way is the way or your way is the way. We all get to walk our own path, our own life and we get a way to create what looks normal to us. Just like if I ask you what makes you happy, we don't necessarily need to agree.

And it's not to say one way is better than the other one is not. It's just we have a certain preference of how we see life and what is meaningful to us. Yes, absolutely. Thank you. And thank you for sharing so honestly with us. Unfortunately, we don't get any do-overs. We just have to muddle through it and hope that we don't throw up our kids' lives.

You mentioned two things that I wanted to touch on is identity. One of the things that you didn't say was the support is gone. When you're married, whether or not he's fully engaged, there's always this thing that there's somebody there. Whether they just work and come home and you take care of like they're one of the kids or

they're involved in some way, shape, or form, there's other adult in the room. But when that adult is gone, you feel that loss, no matter how minimal their contribution was, right? The other thing is that we have, as mothers, it's almost like we

Once we give birth, we take on a total different identity. We lose ourselves. And some of us are ashamed if we talk about self anything. Self care, self love, anything to do with self because it's all so selfish. I'm a mother, I have kids. I'm worse, I'm a single mother. I have, I I have. You know, and we get this.

We get into this mindset that we have to just discard who we are. Right? And so I'm glad you brought it up and you explained it like you did because it's how a lot of us think as moms, especially if we're divorced moms or, you know, we're in a long-term relationship. However, that came for us is that we now have to work on something.

and that's our own identity so that we can be the person our children need, not just mom, right? So can you explain how that fell out for you? How did you navigate that identity shift? Totally. So as I said, I was having a loss of identity. I didn't know who I was.

And a breaking point came one day, missed my after dropping kids off to two different places and running off to catch the train to work. I missed the train by mere seconds. And I started sobbing and crying because every day I felt closer to my death while I didn't feel like I was living. It was this constant rush of daily commute. And maybe for some people sound, yeah, we will commute like, why are you so special?

It just, I felt like every day I was running somewhere. What is that sense of urgency and running? Where am I running to? Closer to my death? While I didn't feel like I was living. So for me, it was this ⁓ straw that broke a camel's back. And after I break down, I told myself, there must be more to this thing called life. We don't just come here to suffer. There must be something better.

And I decided that I wanted to be happy again. I didn't know what it would look like, what steps I needed to take, but I made that decision. And that was the beginning of finding out what that identity piece is. And my first step out of that was simply taking myself on a morning walk. For many years I wanted to do that, but I never did.

Because the road was always there. It was me simply opening the door and stepping over the threshold and taking that first step. And that's how my journey started of coming back to myself. And it's simple, really. Working was for me that first beginning. And when I walked, I used the first hour of the day, like Tony Robbins calls the power hour, to envision what I wanted my life to be. And one of those things that I envisioned was

writing books, speaking on stages and singing on stages. And I was able to already accomplish two of those dreams of writing and speaking. I've written seven books, well, contributed to six, and I also written my solo book, which is called The Gift Inside, 12 Steps to Healing Worseness, Brokenness and Victim Mentality so that you can find your happy. And I also spoke at MIT in Boston last year.

and now I'm in pursuit of singing on stages. Okay. All right. We want an invitation so we could witness you singing. Of course. Yeah, that would be nice. Okay. All right. That is very insightful and it helps us recognize that this is an issue for us, especially when we're coming out a long-term relationship and it needs to be dealt with. We have to deal with all these selfish.

⁓ process and journeys that we need to go through so we can become whole humans. So I appreciate you letting us know about your story and your journey. Now, can you tell us more about your books? ⁓ Give us the names and where we can find you and also anything else that you want us to know about you and what you have to offer.

Sure. So my books are all available on Amazon. If you search by my name, Irina Shehovtsov, or you can go to my website, which is irinashehovsov.com. And all my books are listed there. And in my book, the Gift Inside book actually describes my journey and my framework of how you can come out when you have a loss of identity.

by sharing different habits and physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, three habits per section. Simple things like gratitude, meditation, doing something that sets your soul on fire and other little things. I have two podcasts on which Rosemary has been a guest. One is called Single Parent Success Stories.

and it is available on all these podcasting platforms. It is also, if you like to watch a video, sitting on my YouTube channel called happinessacademy. Second podcast, it's called Reclaim Your Life with Irina. And this is for people who feel stuck where they are in life, who feel hopeless. And I'm there to tell you nothing further from the truth because you can come out, you can reclaim your life. I share my own tools and I also speak to others.

who have navigated their journey of falling apart or maybe they had a wake-up call that suddenly changed the trajectory of their life for the better. ⁓ My Instagram handle is red at claim your life and YouTube channel as I said, happinessacademy underscore. And my Blue Talk is available if you like to listen to public speaking. It's also if you go to my YouTube channel, I have a.

section called Speaking on Stages, you can find it there. Okay, cool. And I want to get those links so we could put them in the show notes when we release this episode as well. Thank you. Thank you for sharing those. Speaking of gratitude, what is Irina grateful for today? Grateful to be here with you. Likewise. Thank you. Okay. So I have been thinking and

ruminating about this single mom moniker and the solo mom narrative and being in this space, not just as a person, as the person of status, but also talking about it. What is the one myth about being a single solo mom? Would you like to see just be gone?

that the high cult, you are more than just your title. You are not defined by solo mom title or identity. We are so much bigger than that. And that is just part of our life, but it's not our whole life. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, in that effect then we, as I believe, is that we're responsible for

eliminating that myth, the scar that comes with our scars as moms raising kids solo. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. So before I let you go, can you give a solo mom three pieces of advice that could help them where they are right now? Yeah. First simple advice, just

Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and let it all out. Oftentimes we forget to breathe. When a difficult situation occurs, we immediately jump into reaction mode. When kids are screaming or something happened, got... Something bad happened. And instead of first coming down a nervous system, we immediately jump into the reactive mode.

Self-regulation is important and take a breath. So my first advice. My second advice, practice things, simple things like gratitude and forgiveness. Gratitude allows us to see what is working in our life as opposed to focusing on what is missing or what is lacking. And when we focus our attention on things that are missing, we will find more things that are not working. So we have this powerful, amazing

brain, amazing mind, why don't we use it to our benefit and focus on the things that are working in our life. And suddenly, because we give attention, we send direction to our mind, suddenly our mind is gonna go and find more things that are working, more things that are good that we simply brush off. If I were to ask you to tell me some happy memory, you probably gonna immediately go.

Find the unhappy memory or things that you don't want. Those are like rolling on the tip of your tongue. But if you had to think about something good that happened, you have to really kind of scratch the surface. You really have to go there and find it. And it goes to say, how you call it, focus on the good stuff that's happening in your life. Appreciate them before they're gone. I used to take walking for granted until I dislocated my knee.

and I'm totally fine now, but it's been already five years and there hasn't been a day that gone by that whenever I walk in the morning, I say, thank you, my niece for walking. Might sound very silly, but I am grateful that they are there, they are supporting me and there are many other systems in our body that are supporting us, invisible systems that we take for granted. Third tool that I would love to share is practicing forgiveness.

Don't go to sleep with the garbage of yesterday because on the grand scheme of things, does it really matter what took place? I'm not saying whoever, if you are being abused or if you are being oppressed or mistreated, I'm not saying it's a good thing. What I'm saying is it happened, but you have the ability to let go. You hold that power. You don't have to carry all that luggage with you. There is a great comparison.

Imagine like a little anecdote. You were asked to hold the brick for 10 minutes. You're okay with 10 minutes. But what if you had to hold it for an hour? Probably start feeling numb. You probably start feeling not so good on your body. But what if you were holding it for whole day? Probably by the end of the day, you had to drop the brick. You are all trembling. You're falling apart. And that's a physical object you're carrying.

But what happens when we hold the grudge? Not for five seconds, not for five minutes, but for decades and months and years on end. And what kind of life are we creating in that regard? How are we approaching people and situations that come our way with that baggage in our behind? It's like, you cannot take a lemon, squeeze it and produce orange juice. Only lemon juice is going to come out. So if you have the grudge in your system, that grudge is your first front.

or in the back of your mind, that's how you greet people, that's how you relate to yourself. And what kind of things you say to yourself, all of that goes into effect. So those would be three things. And one final one, do something every day that sets your soul on fire, just for yourself, not because you make money from it, not because you got some kind of benefit, but because it would make you feel good on the inside. Amen, love it. I appreciate you, Irina.

Shehovah's salt for coming and talking to us today. I would love to have you come back another time and please check out ⁓ Irene's podcast. ⁓ Also check the links below and you'll find links to her social media as well as her books on Amazon. That podcast is Single Parent Success Series. She has another one. You'll also find that in the links below.

Thank you again. Thank you.