Four Tiny Actions for Every Stage of Your Own Coming-Out Process
Episode 313 •
11th September 2026 • More Human. More Kind. | Parenting LGBTQ Kids, Unlearning Fear, Becoming More Human • Heather Hester | Advocate for Parents of LGBTQ Teens
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by all of the information coming at you?
This week's Butterfly Effect gives you four tiny actions across four different points in your own process, from repairing a moment you regret to saying your pride out loud.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Use the specific repair language for a moment you wish you'd handled differently
Get guilt out of your head and onto paper instead of letting it circle silently
Know what to do instead of arguing when you're stuck in conflict
Say one sentence of advocacy out loud, even if it feels like more than you're ready for
Press play for four tiny actions you can start today.
Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!
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Listen to *NEW* episodes every Tuesday and Friday!
At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and grow their capacity for courageous, compassionate connection.
For parents, allies, and those pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.
Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in, I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.
More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive podcast in a heartfelt and empowering space where a mom and advocate offers the wisdom of lived experience and practical guidance and education to parents and allies, teaching empathy, kindness, love, and strong boundaries while supporting LGBTQ teens and the diverse LGBTQ community, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, transgender, and queer individuals, through conversations about mental health, grief, gender identity, sexual orientation, human rights, social justice, parenting, parent support, and meaningful LGBTQ allyship and allyship in action.
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Transcripts
Speaker A:
In today's episode, we're going to get specific about small actions for four very different points in your own process.
Speaker B:
Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening.
Speaker B:
I'm Heather Hester, and Human.
Speaker B:
Here we talk about fear, belonging, boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process.
Speaker B:
Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed.
Speaker B:
They need a parent who is grounded and strong.
Speaker B:
Let's take a breath and let's begin.
Speaker A:
Welcome to More Human, More Kind.
Speaker A:
I'm Heather Hester.
Speaker A:
On Tuesday, I walked you through all six stages parents move through when their child comes out as lgbtq.
Speaker A:
Shock, denial, guilt, expression, decision, and acceptance.
Speaker A:
From asking Connor, are you sure?
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In the very first few days, all the way to the pride I feel now watching him and Grace be exactly who they are.
Speaker A:
If you haven't listened to that episode yet, go back and start there, because this one builds right on top of it.
Speaker A:
So here's what I want to sit with for another minute with you.
Speaker A:
Your process doesn't ask the same thing of you at every stage.
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Early on, it asks you to notice when you got it wrong and to go back and repair it, or to go back and be accountable.
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In the guilt stage, it asks you to actually get the feelings out of your head and onto paper.
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By the decision and acceptance stages, it's asking something almost opposite, to stop fighting yourself and others and start advocating.
Speaker A:
Today we're going to talk about four tiny actions to help you on different points along that road.
Speaker A:
So your word of the week this week is repair.
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Not perfection, but repair.
Speaker A:
This word is specific for stages one and two, shock and denial.
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When something came out of your mouth that you're not proud of, repair is the willingness to return to that moment and name it directly rather than hoping it quietly stops mattering.
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A verbal acknowledgment can be as simple as I'm sorry for saying that.
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The point is being accountable and making the effort to communicate and connect with your child, even when it's messy.
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Your tiny action this week is for stage three, the guilt stage.
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Take five minutes alone and write down the thing you're most afraid you did wrong or write about the thing that you know you did wrong.
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All of it.
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No editing.
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And then read it back once and cross it out.
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Tear it up, light it on fire.
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Not because the feeling isn't real and not because it doesn't matter, but because the point of this exercise is getting it out of your head and onto paper.
Speaker A:
It doesn't get to just sit and spiral in your head anymore.
Speaker A:
Your micro rebellion this week is for stage five, the decision stage.
Speaker A:
Specifically, if you are landing in that third zone, the one where you're still locked in conflict.
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Instead of one more round with your teen, reach out to another parent who is further down this road than you and ask them one single honest question.
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Something that you're really, really curious about, something that you know that you may not like their answer to.
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Or there's a part of you that may not agree with their answer.
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Just once, notice how different it feels to be curious with someone instead of defensive with your kid.
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And here's your one line to steal.
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It's for stage six, True Acceptance.
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Specifically, the advocacy piece of this say this out loud to someone outside your immediate family this week, even if it feels like more than what you're ready for.
Speaker A:
This is my kid and I could not be more proud.
Speaker A:
Use it exactly like that.
Speaker A:
Advocacy doesn't start with a rally.
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It starts with one sentence said once out loud.
Speaker A:
So each week to wrap up the Butterfly Effect episode, I read a listener review.
Speaker A:
And mainly because I'm so grateful when people take the time to share their thoughts about the show, and I think this is a great space to give them a shout out and show my gratitude.
Speaker A:
Today's review is from that guy C12.
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They give five stars saying, excellent source for parents of LGBTQ children.
Speaker A:
This podcast has been instrumental to help me understand how to support my child better when she came out.
Speaker A:
So grateful that this breadth and depth of topics the show covers is available for parents and allies.
Speaker A:
Thank you.
Speaker A:
Thank you so much to that guy C12.
Speaker A:
I really am grateful for you sharing your thoughts, because here's my favorite thing about reviews.
Speaker A:
You don't have to be clever.
Speaker A:
You don't have to write a paragraph five stars in the word helpful does the same work as an essay?
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I'll see you next Tuesday for a new episode.
Speaker A:
Until then, keep choosing to be a little more human and a little more kind.
