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>>> Financial Freedom Assessment
To learn more about today's guest, please visit https://www.shilohminor.com/
Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast.
2
:I'm very excited to be with you today.
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:As that I always am, because I
have a chance to interview another
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:amazing entrepreneur today.
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:Her name is Shiloh Minor, and she
is a life coach who specifically
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:helps high achieving women
create extraordinary marriages.
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:Shiloh, thank you so much for
taking time out of your day
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:and joining us on the podcast.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Thank you for having me.
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:I'm very excited.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
Yeah, absolutely.
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:My pleasure.
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:I know that we're going to have
some amazing conversations today.
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:I can't wait to see what kind of value
we're going to deliver for the audience.
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:So it's going to be super good time.
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:And I'm going to have some questions
around the financial part as well.
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:We'll get to that kind of later on.
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:So why don't you tell me a little
bit more about how you got started
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:in this and who comes to you and what
kind of help they're looking for?
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023: Sure.
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:Absolutely.
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:So I'm what you might call
an accidental entrepreneur.
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:I never planned to run a business.
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:I was just like, no, that's fine.
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:I'll have jobs.
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:I don't mind that.
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:But after having kids and my marriage
started having troubles and I
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:married a great guy and I'm going,
why is my marriage having troubles?
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:We're both good people.
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:I really went deep to figure
out what creates long lasting,
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:passionate, sustainable marriages.
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:And I discovered that there's a
lot of things that nobody knows.
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:There's tons of things that nobody knows
when they get married and that people
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:have a lot of unnecessary divorces.
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:And so through all that learning,
I transformed my marriage and
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:create, made it more what it was
possible to be, you can see that
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:sometimes Oh, this could be so good.
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:If we could just communicate, or usually
we put some label on it, like you have to
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:go to therapy or we have to go to therapy.
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:And then if your husband doesn't want
to go to therapy or you think we're
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:never going to be what we can be.
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:Women lose hope.
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:And then eventually they
just shut down and leave.
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:And so when I discovered how to do that, I
immediately thought, I have to share this.
45
:Like far and wide, I have to give this
to other women, because it's just an
46
:essential tool for enjoying your marriage.
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:A lot of the advice I got
was, really polarizing.
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:It's either just put up with it because
that's marriage and those are your vows.
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:And you have a good situation.
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:It was never horrific, on
paper, it was good situation.
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:Or, it's not the right person
and you're, life is short and
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:your happiness is important.
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:And just try again.
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:And I had learned enough up to that
point to know that second marriages
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:have a higher failure rate than
first marriages and that's not really
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:how it works for a lot of people.
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:And so I thought, no, I want to stay
married and I want to be fulfilled.
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:And so that's what I
help other women do now.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
That's amazing.
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:And it really highlights how
there's this big rift in our culture
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:where a lot of people feel like.
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:It's 1 or the other, right?
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:You're either in marriage or you're
leading a fulfilling life, and
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:it totally shouldn't be that way.
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:And even statistically speaking,
if you look at most of the
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:research they've done, people who
are married tend to live longer.
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:They tend to be happier.
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:They're wealthier.
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:All of these things.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Yeah, that's exactly it.
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:And there's.
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:I think that there's a bit of a
lie in the spiritual community that
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:you're going to outgrow someone.
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:Oh, you became so spiritual
that you outgrew that person.
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:And just the language of it, it's
is that really what spirituality is?
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:You become incapable of
keeping your commitments.
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:You become incapable of loving
people who are different than you.
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:I don't know about that.
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:That sounds like immaturity to me, right?
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:And not to say there are not
legitimate reasons to get divorced.
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:I'm not against all divorce, but I
really believe that The true fulfillment
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:in life comes with learning how to
give and receive love, not becoming
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:really skilled at avoiding anybody
who makes you uncomfortable because
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:marriage will make you uncomfortable.
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:Like you're not married.
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:If you haven't been uncomfortable,
like that's going to happen.
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:And it's making the gold out
of that and finding, your own
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:maturity and your own depth.
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:And then through that, enjoying
that other person more,
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Absolutely.
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:Shiloh, tell me, what is it that
you discovered that kind of helped
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:resurrect or reposition, if you will,
your marriage and what are you doing
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:to help the women who come to you?
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:Because I know there are so many
people who go to couples therapy
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:and according to the numbers, it's
pretty much just as effective as not
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:going or doing nothing or whatever.
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:And then I see people who go
to a coach and then they get
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:results in three or four months.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023: I
love that you brought that up
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:because people think couples
therapy is the port of last resort.
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:It's our chance, but
usually it doesn't work.
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:And one of the reasons I believe it
doesn't work is because you're not
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:taking responsibility for yourself.
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:When you go to a therapist,
you're thinking I'm going
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:to drag my partner there.
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:And that therapist is going to
validate why I think they're wrong.
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:And if they don't, I'm going to leave.
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:And if they do, that person's
going to feel attacked.
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:And so you end up in this triangle
of misery and blame, right?
110
:Whereas what I learned is that there
is that your relationship's a mirror.
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:First of all, it's bringing up your stuff.
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:And then also that your
relationship with yourself.
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:Needs to be deepened and taken to
a level that you don't need as a
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:single person to enjoy a marriage.
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:For example, if your partner criticizes
you, and you're very critical of
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:yourself already, you're going to
lose it because you've already been
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:thinking you're not doing good enough.
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:You're already hard on yourself.
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:Like I had this as a mother I'm
already, house isn't clean and
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:can't manage these children.
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:So if anything was even breathed about
that, I'm in a puddle and I'm either
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:angry or I'm bawling my eyes out.
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:That's because I've already
been derating myself.
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:I've already been being so hard on myself.
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:So I learned that this aspect of having
a conscious relationship with yourself.
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:Mitigates like 50 percent of the
pain, like you're causing yourself all
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:that pain and then when your partner
taps it ever so gently, you explode
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:and it's like a tinderbox, right?
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:So I really learned that a lot of my
stories, a lot of the narrative that I was
130
:bringing to my relationship was fully my
childhood experiences from my marriage.
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:I was projecting my family of origin
directly onto my new family and creating
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:the same dynamics with my thinking.
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:And that I was making my husband
emotionally unsafe, so I wanted
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:him to make me feel safe, and I
was telling him how he should do
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:that, but that was criticizing him.
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:So all that criticism, all
that, the instinctual way that
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:we communicate to our partners.
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:Is often a form of criticism, even if you
say it gently, you're saying you're wrong.
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:You're not doing this right.
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:Why don't you do this and
we focus on the negative.
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:And turning that all around to what's
my relationship with myself, I help
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:women see that make it conscious and
improve it through inner child work.
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:And then, what am I doing
to make my life wonderful?
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:We just blame our husbands
for how our lives suck.
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:And you'll see women get divorced, and
then they get fit, and then they're living
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:their best life, and it's this big divorce
party, and it's like, nobody was putting
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:you in a cage when you were married.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023: It
was just uncomfortable for you
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:emotionally to change the rules.
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:It was uncomfortable for you to
renegotiate the contract and say,
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:Hey, I want to go to the gym.
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:I want to travel with my friends.
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:I want to change my job.
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:And, maybe your partner go really,
I don't know, and maybe not be a
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:hundred percent co signing on it.
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:Like it's not usually that person
is preventing you completely from.
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:From doing for yourself.
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:And so again, once you do
all this inner work, your
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:relationship changes on its own.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah.
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:I think that's such a key
point and so important.
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:My girlfriend actually is a sex
love and relationship coach.
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:And so she has women ask all the time
I want to do this work, but what if
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:my husband doesn't respond well to
it or what if he's not into it or
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:what if he doesn't want to take part?
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:And she's it doesn't matter.
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:This is about you and how
you feel about yourself.
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:And when you change that, everything
else will around you change.
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:And it's absolutely true because
I've seen it happen so many times.
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:It's amazing.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Oh, I love it.
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:That makes sense why
you're so well informed.
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:Why does this man know
so much about my niche?
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:Yeah, no, it's, it really is incredible.
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:And like you said, it can be in a few
months and people are going to therapy for
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:years and just fighting with each other.
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:And it's a real tragedy.
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:Like it's truly a tragedy of
our times that this kind of.
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:Understanding is so hidden.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
Yeah, and I think it really is
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:about the time that we're in.
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:Because if you look at generations
before, their marriages weren't
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:way more outstanding than the
ones people are having today.
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:The challenges are pretty much the same.
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:It was just, they were
making a conscious decision.
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:We might not always get along.
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:It might not always be the best, but
we've decided we're in this together
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:and we're going to keep at it.
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:And it feels like to me, once you
decide that you don't have to follow
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:by that anymore, that's why second
marriages don't work and third marriages
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:just don't work, because now you're
just like if I run into something and
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:I don't like it, I'll just move on.
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:And there we go.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023: Yeah.
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:Yeah, definitely.
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:And because there's when you have
in your mind that this is my person
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:really that it's family, right?
199
:That's what I realized when you get
married and you take a traditional
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:perspective on it, that person is your
family, which means you fight with
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:them and brings up your family stuff.
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:First of all, like you can feel trapped.
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:You can feel like, oh my God, like you
can get into this victim complex about it.
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:Because they're your family.
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:But it also means that if you take
a conscious and creative perspective
206
:to it, it's I'm going to have this
person's going to have my back for a
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:long time, and I'm going to have theirs.
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:And that's a huge asset.
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:That's a huge benefit to me.
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:So how can I find a way?
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:To overcome these challenges, whereas if
there's always a overcome or leave option.
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:Okay, I can overcome or I can leave.
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:You're always going to be stuck in the
should I stay or should I go thinking
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:instead of the problem solving thinking.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: absolutely.
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:It's really interesting because I'm
reading a book on wealth and wealth
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:creation right now and how people in
the last century have gotten wealthy.
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:And it talks about the
effect of marriage on wealth.
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:And if you look at the people who earn the
most money and have the highest net worth.
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:99 percent of them are married and
as you are less and less likely to
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:be married, you're also less and
less likely to accumulate wealth.
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:So having that person behind you is so
important because life is expensive when
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:you're on your own and when there's two
of you, everything becomes so much easier.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023: And it's a
buffer against all the hard times, right?
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:One person gets sick or
one person loses a job.
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:Other person can pick up the slack and
Yeah, we have this individualistic idea
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:that we should, have make all enough money
for ourselves and do everything ourselves.
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:And that's a big burden.
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:That's hard for anybody to pull off.
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:And yeah, I feel one of the things that
I've seen is in shift in my mindset
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:about marriage is that originally
it was a very romantic mindset.
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:It's all about how I feel
every moment of the day.
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:It's always about, having this romantic
moments, which are very important.
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:I definitely promote that and support it.
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:What that thinking can do is make
you completely take for granted the
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:stability this person provides you.
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:And then it makes it invisible.
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:And then anytime they're not
providing you peak experiences,
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:you're irritated and you're annoyed.
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:And it's no, this person is like,
stabilizing my life for the long term.
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:And I think what I always joke with women
who have, a lot of women I work with
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:have very stable husbands and they're
like bored, and I'm like, there's women
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:who have husbands who are not boring
and they don't like that very much the
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:ones who don't stick with their jobs and
are unpredictable and are very exciting
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:and those men are very stressful.
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:So sometimes, women like me
and were drawn to me were very.
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:We're always growth minded and we're
looking for change and we have that
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:very feminine, expansive identity,
which is exciting for us and then
249
:can look at our husbands and judge
him and be like, it's so mundane.
250
:He just does the same stuff all the time.
251
:And it's the reason you get to live
such a vibrant life is because he's
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:providing a container that is predictable.
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:So now I'm so thankful for the
differences between me and my husband
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:because it allows me to be me and have
my exploratory type lifestyle, right?
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
Yeah, absolutely.
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:And as much as so many people want to
pretend like there's no differences
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:between the genders these days, there
aren't gender roles and all of that,
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:what you said is so key and so true.
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:The reason that men seem that way or the
reason women seem that way is because
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:we are different and we have different
natures, but it's the combination
261
:and the balance of those natures
that makes something really special.
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Yeah, absolutely.
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:When I was coming from a modern
perspective that we're all the same, I
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:judged my husband on feminine standards.
265
:Why is he not like my girlfriends?
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:Why doesn't he act like me?
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:Why doesn't I, why don't I relate to him
like I relate to my good girlfriends?
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:And it's like impossible standard.
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:And women are going all over the
place and judging their men by their
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:girlfriends and then being like, ah,
he's not, as nurturing as my girlfriend.
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:It's yeah, cause he's a dude.
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:So usually not the same
as your girlfriends.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Totally.
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:Okay.
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:Now, I want to talk a little
more specifically about some of
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:the women you help because now,
of course, everybody can relate.
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:We all have the same kind of struggles
and relationships and all of that.
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:But specifically, when you're like, in the
corporate world, or you're an entrepreneur
279
:or something of that nature, you have
this whole other thing that takes up so
280
:much of your life and time and energy.
281
:On top of, your relationship and your
family and whatever else have you.
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:What are some of the maybe special
challenges that women in those
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:positions kind of face that you see?
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:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Great question.
285
:One of the main challenges
they have is turning it off.
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:Like turning off the go go, and so
they'll have extremely high standards for
287
:themselves and that will create a lot of
tension because, out there in the world,
288
:they're kicking ass and taking names like
they're really effective, take a lot of
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:pride in that and it's awesome, right?
290
:And they feel really good about it.
291
:And then they come into their home
environment and they're trying to
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:maintain a level of perfection,
like whether cleanliness or decor
293
:or how their kids be operate.
294
:And that tips them over.
295
:It's too much.
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:They become burnt out and stressful.
297
:They become irritable and they start to
treat their husband like an employee.
298
:Like they're trying to get him to help
them maintain an impossible standard.
299
:And he's resisted to it and not doing it.
300
:And so what I try to help them with is
Admitting that they're not superhuman,
301
:first of all, like you can't actually
keep everything hominine at 100%.
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:You can't.
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:And if you want to prioritize intimacy
with your husband, you want to come
304
:into your home and prioritize intimacy
with your husband over everything else.
305
:Like all those little nitty
gritty things that bug you.
306
:The really cool thing is often
all those things are bugging you
307
:because you're not getting your
emotional needs met by your husband.
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:if he doesn't even talk to you and you
don't even have a connection and you drop
309
:stuff on the floor, like you're gonna
kill him, like the rage is peaking, but
310
:when I have them go, okay, you're pretty
burnt out and you could use some help.
311
:Isn't that right?
312
:Yeah, nobody helps me.
313
:Let's talk about how to
get help from your husband.
314
:How do you talk to him?
315
:How do you ask?
316
:How do you be vulnerable?
317
:And also, how do you appreciate him?
318
:Because he's thinking, ah,
she does everything herself.
319
:She doesn't need my help.
320
:All she does is look at me
like I'm doing something wrong.
321
:I'm going to retreat,
retreat, retreat from her.
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:And so their special challenge is
letting go of control in the home
323
:sphere and Not using perfection as the
standard, but connection as the standard.
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:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah, I
have a feeling that if you were feeling
325
:really connected and in the bedroom
maybe having great sex and cuddling, you
326
:probably wouldn't care that much if there
were a few dishes in the sink, right?
327
:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
That's exactly it.
328
:And you'll see that happen very quickly.
329
:They'll start doing some of the little
homework assignments I give them.
330
:And then they'll be like,
Oh my God, we're flirting.
331
:It's so fun.
332
:And then I don't care if
he folds the towels wrong.
333
:Like I'm having so much fun.
334
:I'm so happy, which is really, it
brings you back to the early days.
335
:Cause when you met this guy, he didn't
do all those things right either,
336
:but you were so happy and you were
so fulfilled that was secondary.
337
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
Yeah, absolutely.
338
:Now, it's so easy, like you said, to
continue the mindset that we have in work
339
:and to bring it home and to get caught
up in the productivity culture and the
340
:guilt of feeling like we're not doing
everything and all things to all people.
341
:And I, I know personally, because I know
that I'm wired like this if there's I'm
342
:very, I think a lot and if something
is going through my mind, and I feel
343
:like things aren't settled somewhere.
344
:It's hard for me to sit down
and concentrate and be with my
345
:partner and be intimate because
I'm over here, not in my body.
346
:So for people who are having those kind
of struggles, what is something they
347
:can do to help them like, let go of the
to do list and, just enjoy the moment.
348
:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
That's a real good question.
349
:Cause you're right.
350
:People will say I have so much to do.
351
:All I can do is think about it.
352
:Last thing on my mind is sexuality for
some women when they have the list.
353
:They're like, I don't want to relax.
354
:Breathing is really big.
355
:Just breathing like there's lots of
different breathwork modalities, I'm sure
356
:but, breathing in and then breathing out
twice as slow and doing that 10 times.
357
:And I also have women just put their
hands on their bodies and go what am
358
:I feeling right now, like what is the,
because you think you're thinking about
359
:all this stuff but really you're anxious.
360
:Your body is anxious and you're
blaming it on the jobs you have to get
361
:done, but like your body's anxious.
362
:So that's the first cue, right?
363
:And so having them get into their
bodies and go, okay, I'm anxious.
364
:And nurture that, of course you're
anxious, you got a lot on your plate,
365
:you're working so hard because.
366
:Because for me, and for so
many of the women I work with,
367
:we're desperate for someone to
validate how hard we're working.
368
:Like for someone to say, man, like
you are holding up all these balls,
369
:you are juggling all that stuff.
370
:And because we're not getting that
validation externally, and we're
371
:not giving it to ourselves, we
feel like I must have to do more.
372
:I didn't get it done.
373
:I'm not perfect yet.
374
:And no one has celebrated me.
375
:Where's my celebration?
376
:Where's my Emmy?
377
:So instead, it's Telling yourself and I
did this work a lot personally because
378
:I had impossible mom standards, I took
longer than I wanted to have kids.
379
:So I had too many years to idealize
it and imagine how amazing I would be
380
:and how amazing family life would be.
381
:And it's a shit show on many occasions
when you have small children, like
382
:really wildly weird and messy.
383
:And I had to, I chose to
and it's changed my life.
384
:To really have a practice of, wow, Shiloh,
look at all you do, everybody's fed,
385
:these kids have a mom who does her best
and tries to attune to them and says,
386
:sorry, instead of a standard of, I don't
ever yell, the food's always perfect
387
:and organic, I'm teaching them things
they're always, not, hating each other.
388
:It's like seeing the things
I do, and that's a microcosm.
389
:That's where your relationship
yourself is projected onto your
390
:relationship with your husband.
391
:Because now I see all the ways
of what I'm doing, and I tell
392
:myself about it over and over.
393
:And then I can look at my husband and
go, Okay, maybe we haven't been on a date
394
:in like God knows how long, but he plays
with the kids in every spare minute.
395
:He doesn't go out and burn time.
396
:He never buys things crazy without asking.
397
:You take that for granted because
that's already his character.
398
:Just like you take yourself for granted.
399
:I'm an intentional mom
who tries real hard.
400
:And so this taking for
granted is the poison, really.
401
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
yeah, absolutely.
402
:It's so easy to do and so easy to look
at all of the things that we're doing
403
:wrong and, it's just years of conditioning
and having all of these impossible
404
:standards we see in TV and culture
and the truth is life isn't like that.
405
:Yeah,
406
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: No, it's not.
407
:It's conditioning.
408
:And I think it's a bit
hardwired too, right?
409
:Our brains are wired to look for the
problems and always trying to survive.
410
:And now that we're in, myself and my
clients in fairly comfortable situations,
411
:we're still looking for problems.
412
:Like in a sense we've arrived, like
as far as humanity is concerned.
413
:We have enough food.
414
:We have stable shelter.
415
:Our kids are like survivability
is like way up, but we're like,
416
:but something's got to be wrong.
417
:And so we need to constantly be mediating
against that natural negativity bias.
418
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: 100%.
419
:Now, as well as anybody, Shiloh, the
way that the childhood traumas and
420
:wounds that we live out, the stories and
programmings we take on from other people
421
:affect our lives well into our adulthood.
422
:And of course, I see this with people
and their money stories all the time.
423
:So what was the story you
got around money growing up?
424
:And where would you say
you're at with it now?
425
:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Oh, that's such a good question.
426
:I've been diving into this money story
since I became an entrepreneur and part of
427
:the reason I'm an accidental entrepreneur
and didn't have any intention is
428
:because my money story was entrepreneurs
waste a lot of time and money.
429
:Okay.
430
:They don't spend time with the
family while they blow the money.
431
:It was a really negative story
because I had seen people with their
432
:grandiose visions, invest a whole
bunch of money, nothing to show for it.
433
:Lots of shame, like just the worst.
434
:And so for me, it's a challenge.
435
:I'm still working with it, but it's.
436
:It's that you don't, first of all, have
to invest the farm to be an entrepreneur.
437
:That was a lie, and that's something
I see still sold everywhere.
438
:Unless you burn the bridges and go all in,
you're not for real, you're playing games.
439
:And that's a story that I actively resist.
440
:I'm like, no, this is, it's not
about how much money you spend.
441
:That means you're a
serious business person.
442
:And also that you will make
mistakes, and that's okay.
443
:You're going to make investments and I've
made investments that, weren't what I
444
:thought they were, or I didn't capitalize
on them as well as I could have.
445
:And really for me, I think
the work is around shame of.
446
:You don't know it all when you're
learning to be an entrepreneur.
447
:And especially with my upbringing where
it was, a all or nothing black and white
448
:story getting into the nuance of, yeah,
you're going to have to do some trial and
449
:error with the money and that's okay too.
450
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
yeah, absolutely.
451
:And that point about burning the
ships you brought up is so important
452
:something that I love to talk about
because I've done it both ways.
453
:I've just gone all in taking
every last dollar I have and not
454
:look back and it can work, but it
usually only works for a while.
455
:And then you don't have anything to fall
back on because it's like rushing to build
456
:a house without putting in the foundation.
457
:If you don't have the strength
of that architecture, the first
458
:time you try to weather a storm,
you're going to blow over.
459
:And I've also built a business
more slowly and deliberately
460
:while I was working in a job.
461
:And when you do that,
yeah, it does take longer.
462
:But if you can stay focused and you
know that you have the stable income
463
:coming in, it takes away all of that,
the constant worrying and wondering.
464
:And am I going to be able
to keep this thing going?
465
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: Yeah.
466
:I love hearing that because in a sense
I'm like that, but motherhood is my job.
467
:And so there's sometimes I feel
like, oh, I shouldn't be doing more.
468
:I should be growing faster.
469
:And it's no, motherhood's my main job.
470
:I have a two, a four year
old and a six year old.
471
:And I made that choice, when I had
kids, that would be my priority.
472
:And so I, yeah, I feel very
validated and that's what I'm
473
:doing and building this strong.
474
:I'm trying to build a strong foundation
where it's very clear what I do.
475
:I find systems that work for me and then
as my kids get older, I can invest more
476
:and more time into it and I don't have to.
477
:It's really the shiny object
syndrome is real like.
478
:As an Enneagram 7 and that kind of person.
479
:I'm like let's do something fun with this.
480
:Let's find the quick way.
481
:Let's make it a game.
482
:And so it's been a discipline for me
to have that constant steady effort.
483
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
Yeah, absolutely.
484
:And I think it's important to remember
to, we see all these people glorified
485
:like Elon Musk and all of these
entrepreneurs who do really well.
486
:And would I like that level of success?
487
:Sure.
488
:I wouldn't turn it down if it came to me.
489
:At the same time, I don't want
to work 18 hours a day, every
490
:day for the rest of my life.
491
:I want to have a life and have
a family and become financially
492
:free and enjoy my time.
493
:Not to say that they're not enjoying their
time, but we just have this unrealistic
494
:picture of what it's supposed to be.
495
:And for most people, that's
not even what they desire.
496
:That's not what financial
freedom is to them.
497
:They don't want to build rockets.
498
:They just want to have a nice life,
do something they love, travel,
499
:and spend time with their family.
500
:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
Oh yeah, you nailed it.
501
:That's exactly it.
502
:And that's for me too.
503
:I love my work.
504
:So it's not that.
505
:I'm like, Oh, I want to get away from
my work as fast as possible, but I want
506
:that time with my family and I want the
time for self care and that's what I
507
:see with my clients and, women generally
is we don't prioritize our self care.
508
:And then it doesn't matter how much money
you have or how you're wonderful your
509
:husband is, you're not going to be happy.
510
:Like you have to put in the time.
511
:And that's when you talk
about being financially free.
512
:One of the things that inspires me
and my why is I want to be able to pay
513
:for all the alternative modalities,
the acupuncture, the Austin path,
514
:the things that are going to make my
quality of life good when I'm like
515
:80, I'm looking for this, I'm 40 now.
516
:So I'm thinking about the next 40
years and then also, travel and
517
:have some of those enjoyable things.
518
:So when I think of being financially
free, it's like mostly just to
519
:maximize my quality of life.
520
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: right.
521
:Absolutely.
522
:For most people, it's not about money
because at the end of the day, the money
523
:is just a number right in your account.
524
:It's what you do with it and the
type of life that it can provide you.
525
:And so few people just want to say,
Oh yeah, I made 10 million and look,
526
:it says 10 million and now I'm happy
and my life is fulfilled, right?
527
:And there are people who are fabulously
wealthy who are totally miserable and
528
:people who are poorer than dirt that
are the happiest people on earth, right?
529
:So it's not how much you have.
530
:It's what you do with it
and how you feel about it.
531
:audioShilohMinor11512845023:
That's so true.
532
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Okay, awesome.
533
:I think I can skip asking you what
financial freedom looks like, too,
534
:because we just went into that and
you gave us a great description.
535
:So now I want to ask you how
you're working to create that.
536
:So where are you on your
journey to financial freedom?
537
:And what has you found to be most
useful in building your business
538
:and building up your assets?
539
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: So I'm
pretty, I guess I would say I'm in the
540
:awareness phase, like I'm gathering
a lot of information and because I
541
:had such an avoidant relationship
with money most of my life, I'm still
542
:really scared to make investments
things that have any level of risk.
543
:And so I'm like really gathering
resources and trying to.
544
:Get comfortable and get knowledge
around how to do this in a way that's
545
:not risky or what it will be risky,
but not too risky, not status, but
546
:something that doesn't stay in the
way I'm hoping to get, portfolio.
547
:That's more complex.
548
:I have like our peace or whatever,
but something that is more robust.
549
:That's a clear plan because
for me, it's about retirement.
550
:It's about those golden years.
551
:I have a lot of elderly friends who
are like 70 80 90 and it's like a whole
552
:nother phase of life between retirement.
553
:65 and 85.
554
:It's a long life for a lot
of women nowadays and men.
555
:So sorry.
556
:So you're saying where am I at?
557
:And then the other thing is,
I'm read the book profit first.
558
:And that saved me in terms of my fears
about being an entrepreneur, like he
559
:talks about how entrepreneurs are, he's
eradicating entrepreneurial poverty
560
:like these entrepreneurs have no
money, which was my perspective on it.
561
:So profit first really has helped me
that's been my main step where you know,
562
:certain percentage always goes to my
family, so I never feel like I'm not in
563
:that the time I'm spending doesn't go
back to my family, and then a certain
564
:percentage goes into my business.
565
:And then, I say for taxes and profit
and just doing that has relieved so
566
:much anxiety has put a structure on it.
567
:I recommend that to anybody who's
starting a new business and, doesn't
568
:know where the money should go.
569
:And especially because he eradicates
this notion of plow it all back
570
:in, plow it all back in, right?
571
:Oh, your business will go faster.
572
:And really what I find is that.
573
:This is embarrassing, but I
know that other people relate.
574
:You can spend on your business the
way you spend on clothes and jewelry.
575
:You can just buy stuff
because you like it.
576
:And then call it building a business.
577
:But it's because you wanted to buy stuff.
578
:It's because you had an inquisitive
urge to take and have and be
579
:part of something glamorous.
580
:Whether it's a mastermind or A course
that some cool coaches running and
581
:they market to you effectively.
582
:And then you're like,
Oh, I need this thing.
583
:I need this thing.
584
:When is that really what's
building your business?
585
:Maybe not.
586
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
yeah, that's such a good point.
587
:And I think that all of
us are guilty of that.
588
:I know so many people, myself included,
who probably have way too many software
589
:subscriptions that they don't use.
590
:I've started businesses and been
like, all right, we need to go do
591
:a photo shoot and we got to do this
and that and buy all of these things.
592
:And that's all fun.
593
:And expensive, but it
doesn't generate revenue.
594
:What you need to do is sit down and
figure out your market and work on your
595
:product and, market test it with people,
and all of these things that we all
596
:know that you're supposed to do, but
yeah, we get the shiny object and we can
597
:call it a business expense or whatever.
598
:So we just go off and do it.
599
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: So it saves
you from the business expense syndrome
600
:to make sure that not all your money
is eligible for business expenses.
601
:I think that's a really good,
that has really helped me.
602
:audioChrisJolly21512845023:
that's a great point.
603
:Absolutely.
604
:Okay.
605
:Now I want you to imagine that
I've given you a magic wand.
606
:You can wave at one time and make
anything happen inside of your
607
:business in the next six to 12 months.
608
:What is that one thing that
you're going to ask for?
609
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: I
wasn't confused by these questions.
610
:Are these process things like make
my business a certain way or is it
611
:outcome things like with the clients?
612
:What I want, this is
what I'm working towards.
613
:So this should be what I pick.
614
:It's not one thing, but I want
there, I want my system to work.
615
:I want there to be the clear, concise,
Client journey, that I can either
616
:do ads or I can do live webinars
and that I have that all just.
617
:a whale oiled machine.
618
:I want my business to be cohesive.
619
:I've been doing everything myself
and talking to people directly and
620
:I like doing that, but I'm desiring
to mature this thing into something
621
:that works on its own if it needs to.
622
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Awesome.
623
:I love that.
624
:I can't wait to see where
you're at in a year and see the
625
:progress you've made on that.
626
:So it's been a pleasure having you on
had a real blast chatting with you.
627
:I'm sure everybody's going to get a
lot out of this for people who want to
628
:know more about you and what you do.
629
:Where's the best place they
can go to find that out.
630
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: So you
can find my website at Shilominer.
631
:com and I'm also on Facebook, Shilominer
on Instagram, Shiloh the love coach.
632
:So any of those places you
can check me out, message me.
633
:I'm very Happy to have a conversation
with anybody who's curious about
634
:their relationships and has questions.
635
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: Awesome.
636
:Very cool.
637
:Now, before I let you go, your best
piece of advice or parting words for
638
:all the other entrepreneurs out there.
639
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: My
best piece of advice is that just
640
:like a marriage, if you want this
to be your business, stop asking
641
:yourself if it's going to work or not.
642
:Decide it's going to work and then
take the steps to make that happen.
643
:audioChrisJolly21512845023: I love it.
644
:Perfect.
645
:So easy.
646
:So concise.
647
:Great advice.
648
:All right, everybody, if you're
listening out there and you've enjoyed
649
:this as much as I have, please go
ahead and subscribe to the podcast.
650
:Like I asked you to each and
every episode and give us one of
651
:those five star reviews as well.
652
:It helps us out a ton to get the
word out to more entrepreneurs.
653
:And if you're an entrepreneur like our
amazing guest Shiloh, and you want to
654
:come on the podcast too, I'd love to chat.
655
:You can go to pyfpodcast.
656
:com for that.
657
:That's the letters pyfpodcast.
658
:com and we'll talk to you over there.
659
:Thank you all so much.
660
:Shiloh.
661
:Thanks again.
662
:audioShilohMinor11512845023: Thank you.
663
:That was so much fun.