The VelociPastor (2018) (Chosen By Hannah Wood)

Join Marc, Darren and Paul as they give you everything you need and more to help you decide to watch or re-watch The VelociPastor (2018).

---

PART 1 – The Nutshell – If you haven’t seen it

A spoiler-free breakdown designed to help you decide if this grindhouse-style comedy horror with a ridiculous premise is your kind of film and worth your time.

We explore the film’s central idea around faith, purpose and grief, and how a story that starts with loss quickly spirals into something far more bizarre and unexpected.

We’ll give other movie comparisons plus tone, style and feel so you can quickly judge the type of viewing experience it offers.

By the end of Part 1, you will have made a decision!

---

PART 2 – The Unboxing – If you’ve seen it

What Did You Miss?

The things you missed, the details you didn't notice and the layers beneath the surface. This will make you want to watch it again.

The lads explore the film’s mix of genres, from revenge story to superhero transformation to martial arts action, and discuss whether the film is intentionally chaotic or simply the result of its ultra-low budget.

They also break down the filmmaking choices, from visible effects and exaggerated edits to parody elements and references, and how the film leans into its own absurdity.

---

Paul’s Facts of the Day

Behind-the-scenes insights including:

• The unusual way this film went from a small idea to a full feature

• The lengths the director went to achieve its unique visual style

• The story behind one of the film’s most recognisable elements

• Unexpected moments from filming that you wouldn’t believe happened

• How this film built a cult following despite its budget

---

Hate It or Rate It?

Marc, Darren & Paul submit their scores and The VelociPastor (2018) takes its place in the Listener League… before finding out where it lands in the Legend League.

---

PART 3 – Listener Lounge – All about you!

The Lobby

Your questions, your comments and your stories.

---

Question of the Week

A recap from last week’s question plus the lads ask this week’s burning question!

---

Next week’s movie

The big reveal of next week’s movie!

---

Listen Now

https://2ly.link/24tPI

---

League Tables:

The Listener League

See how how we rated the movies chosen by our listeners.

https://linkly.link/2Bi9I

The Legend League

Every movie we’ve featured and rated on the podcast

https://linkly.link/2Bfcv

---

Join the conversation

Voice message: https://linkly.link/2FuSQ

Email: hello@moviesinanutshell.com

---

Socials

Website: https://www.moviesinanutshell.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moviesinanut

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/moviesinanut

---

Your Hosts:

Marc Farquhar

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marcfarquhar

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/themarcfarquhar

Darren Horne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedarrenhorne

Paul Day

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pauldaylive23

---

Music

Main Theme

BreakzStudios

https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/?keywords=breakzstudios

Music Bed

Protofunk – Kevin MacLeod

https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/?keywords=protofunk

All music licensed under Creative Commons.

They're just running around in the park. The police must come. We must put a stop to their frolicking, frolicking, no less. Nobody involved in this movie knew what they were doing.

Hello and welcome to Movies in a Nutshell with me, Mark Farquhar, myself, Darren

Horn and I, Paul Day.

Here's why you should tune in every week.

We help you make better movie choices on films you haven't seen with quick spoiler free breakdowns to help you decide if they're your kind of movie.

And we help you get more from the movies you have seen with things you missed and details you probably didn't know us.

Plus there's movie facts, trivia and behind the scenes stories.

There's also your chance to choose the movie.

We didn't mention who chose it. No, that's all right.

Yeah, she knows who she is.

I was gonna say, don't you know

Hannah woods, chosen by Hannah Wood. Is this a current student of yours?

Yeah.

Okay, there we go.

Not for much longer because she's leaving

or because you're done with her.

In part one, we break the movie down spoiler free to help you decide if this movie is your kind of movie and if it's worth your time. So this is another. This is the Velocipasta. Not just velocipasta. I mean, we've covered.

I mean, is there a big decision in movies to call it the something?

I feel like we seem to gravitate towards the ones that are called the something.

We've done a lot.

The beach, the Born Identity, the Crow, the Devil Wears Prada, the Holiday, the Long Walk, the Matrix, the Net, the Prestige, the Running man, the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, the Terminator, the Truman show, the Vikings.

That's more than I thought, actually. That's impressive.

How do we break this down for someone who hasn't seen it, which is probably quite a lot of people because it's quite a low budget kind of.

It's on prime, isn't it?

It's on Prime. Would you describe this as low budget horror?

Yes. It's kind of grindhouse.

Is it a comedy horror as well? To be funny in bits, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. I think it's aiming to be a comedy and it's kind of a little bit grindhouse y but not quite so Grindhouse is. Became famous a little bit.

Well, Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez really like the genre. It's basically kind of movies that are a little bit kind of sci fi, a little bit horror and stuff.

Tarantino did one called Death Proof, which is about stunt rider, like a car driver, you run around killing people. And then Robert Rodriguez did Planet Terror and they released them as a double bill.

And weirdly, I also did a grindhouse movie, but before these were released, I was brought in as a producer and I ended up acting a bit. And it's called the Maniac Project. And we got. And it's really, really low budget. We made it for like 500 quid.

And it's basically a really low budget kind of Battle Royale Hunger Games with serial killers kind of going around killing each other. But it got distributed and it was like packaged with on a streaming service in America and stuff.

I'm gonna put a link to your movie, the Mania Project, in our show notes.

It was. Someone's pirated it. It's on YouTube.

Yeah.

And then the director was like, how do you get a copy of our film? But it's really low. Like, it's. So what I mean by Grindhouse is like, in terms of the Mania project, we.

It was shot on standard because it was before high definition was a thing. And then you degrade the film to make it look like it's old vhs.

You want it to look low budget.

Yeah, exactly.

Of course, why not? So. So we're in kind of low budget,

low budget cult grindhouse B movie.

Yeah. I feel the closest we've ever done to this is one of our pilot episodes we did. So unreleased is it which will come out.

We did one called Bubba Hotel Hotep,

which was a world where Elvis didn't die. He just switched places with an impersonator because he was tired of the fame. And then he ends up in an old people's home and he's much, much older.

And he meets jfk, who wasn't murdered, but he was dyed to look like a African American so that no one would know who he is. And then an Egyptian mummy kind of that's being transported nearby, crashes in a storm.

And then the Egyptian mummy comes into the old people's home and starts feeding on old people and black JFK and Old Elvis have to team up to fight the.

So I think that's like a great concept. I think what's so great about this nutshell so far is we haven't mentioned this film at all. But you get in the kind of world that we're in. Yeah.

So it gets the vibe that you're

going to be getting here in this world. My friend, my colleague. I hate the word colleague.

The guy who teaches film with me, Paddy, who is Irish, thought this was going to be about a dinosaur made of spaghetti and he was a velocity pastor. I said no pastor, like reverend or father and stuff.

Yeah. So again it's doing what it says on the tin. It's about a pastor who could become a raptor velociraptor.

What else is this movie about?

It's about family. It's about family betrayal and faith.

Like faith. Faith in God and then bad things happening and is there any kind, pattern or rhyme or reason or destiny to things much like Sliding Doors.

We're talking quite deeply about this. But this is just a weird movie.

Those are like the, the core story element of it rather than the low budget. I mean it is sort of a ridiculous speed movie and that's exactly what it's trying to be. Yeah. Trying to be clever or.

I wrote down things like the Fly, which I've never actually seen but where someone turns into something else. So werewolf free sort of things. Evil Dead. So I won't.

I wrote down Shaun of the Dead because that's obviously a comedy parody, Teen wolf, the horror thing. Well, I've never thought of that. But yeah, anything where it's transformation to something else. It's a niche movie.

That was the word that came to mind.

Yeah. Which is really, really common for like low, low budget movies. You probably do something that's.

Because it's really hard to do a low budget drama with good actors telling a really important story. And they're not that commercial, you know, it's. Whereas if you get something new, because that's.

That's the whole point of advertising isn't if you can do new or haven't seen that before, you know, it's like cheerleaders, zombies go to the moon and stuff like that.

Well, the sharknado things I think we mentioned. And then what was the other one you mentioned? Oh yeah, Evil Dead. That was sort of a comedy horror, wasn't it?

Yeah, just, just unwell. Like American Werewolf in London. But they did it well, you know,

so I often, when I watch these, I often go back and I Try and break it down. I'm trying. I try and come up with sometimes a paragraph and then I'll break it down to half a paragraph and.

Oh, I like this. Really?

Yeah, try. So I've got what starts as a story about grief and purpose quickly spirals into something much stranger.

Mixing action, crime, martial arts and deliberately low budget filmmaking.

Yeah.

It's also a love story, which is normally your line, but I'm throwing that in.

It's.

It's also a love story in the tale of redemption.

The sex worker.

Yes. I think this Beauty and the Beast almost.

This movie knows how.

Beauty and the Beast.

This movie knows exactly how absurd its own premise is and it fully leans into it.

Have you seen a film called Bowfinger?

Yeah.

Which I may recommend at some point. Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy.

And the concept of that one is it's a producer try to make his film and he can't get the biggest action star in the world, so he ends up with his twin and. But it's all about making a low, low sort of B grade movie, isn't it?

But that happens. There's been a ton of movies like Tom Hanks's Brother or Julia Roberts His Brother or Sylvester Stallone's Brother.

But I'm thinking with this, this is how I imagine this would be like. I've got this idea for a film and then we'll just make it as cheap as we possibly can.

I've got this idea for a film. Yeah. Yes, we should totally make that.

We should make three o' Clock in

the Morning that becomes a raptor.

Yes.

I've thought this movie is basically a love letter to the kind of films that. That used to live at the bottom shelf of a video store.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

That's a nice way of putting it.

What kind of watches is Darren?

Oh, the ones you've gone. It's if I know the answer to this. Because that's why when we.

We sent the Mania Project out on the festival circuit, a scout saw it at a festival and he was in America and we had to organize this late night kind of phone calls because of the time distance while I was at the cinema. And he rang and he was like, dude, I've totally seen your movie and I love it.

And he said, I'd gone around to my friend's house and I was away for the weekend and we were with this girlfriend and we're watching these different movies and we started watching this movie and it was all like, there was this drama and it was about all this Heavy stuff. So we turned it off. Then we started watching a roller skating movie that we. I picked up and that was boring.

And then we watched your movie, by which time we were quite drunk and quite stoned.

Perfect.

We loved it. And it's exactly the right target audience for who we want. So this is definitely.

Even though I do not condone drugs, you probably would need some wines or some beers. It's a Friday night pizza. Yeah. And alcohol movie.

Or I would say. But of course I went. I went to uni a long time ago. Now, I imagine this is the sort of thing back in the day you'd watch with all your uni mates.

Yeah.

Totally studying Phil as to how, like, crazy it was. And you'd kind of gather around and watch it. I don't know what they do now. Is that the sort of thing they would do now?

Oh, the youngsters.

Yeah.

They won't be talking to each other.

That's what I thought. Like, we'd all hang out in the kitchen and be like, have you seen this?

I know of it, but I've not seen.

So this is a really weird show about this guy in space. It's low budget and he's isolated in space for some reason.

And then they keep sending him old movies to watch and he watches them with his two robot friends. And so at the bottom of the screen, it's like cinema chairs with this. The silhouette of the human and two robots.

And then you're watching an old black and white movie and they're just commenting on it. That's what this movie is really like.

That's the world we're in.

Watch it with your robot friends and laugh at it.

I don't have a meets for this because it's so out of my wheelhouse. I couldn't think of anything.

Twilight meets American Werewolf in London.

That's a good call. I don't want to give away any of the plot of the fact that it's a velocirap pasta. Not a pasta.

Not food. This is not about food. Thank you, gentlemen. That takes us into part two, the unboxing. So spoiler territory ahead.

If you haven't seen the movie and we've helped you decide you want to watch it, we recommend you go and do it now because then. And then come back. Because from this point forward, there will be spoilers in the unboxing we have. What did you miss?

Where we reveal things you may have missed. Even if you've seen the movie. Many times Paul has his formidable facts of the day.

And then we round off with Hate it or Ray, where we each give a brief opinion, score out of 10, and we see where it lands on the Listener League this time and the Legend League. So what did you miss, Darren? Is there anything anyone could have possibly missed whilst watching this movie?

Do you think it's blatantly racist or is that just me trying to critique it? So the phrase is.

So the guy's parents die in that horrific scene where they didn't have the VFX budget and so they just have a screen that says vfx, which, weirdly, we also do in the Maniac Project.

We literally say the footage for this scene has been lost, but then we intercut it with stock footage of a topless woman in a waterfall or in a shower. And we're like, here's some boobs. So you don't feel as disappointed.

That was the first scene where I was like, okay, that's where we're going. Yeah, yeah, that's where we're going. Okay.

So then he says. And the pastor's, like, talking to his mentor, and he's like, why would God do this to me? Like, God has abandoned me.

And he's like, no, son, what you must do is. Is go where God would never follow. And if God is there, he must be within your heart. And he's, oh, where would I go? Where God would never follow.

I know. China. Then he goes to China, which is apparently in medieval times. And then a woman gets shot through the heart with a bow, an arrow.

Yeah.

And then he says, are you hurt?

Just before that, he goes, china is east. As he's looking at a map or something.

Depends where he is in America, because it could easily be west.

Yeah, that's true, but that's what he says. China is east.

That's weird. It's in any direction if you keep going. So, yeah, the racism, I thought, was unusual. I'm not sure quite what the angle was at.

And the other thing is they then do this whole kind of occult thing, and. Which is so sweet because they clearly had no budget. So they got some, like, tea candles, some tea lights and lit those.

Then they got some tarot cards, because that's a cult as fuck, apparently. And then they've got a. They've got a statue of who? I'm pretty sure it was definitely an Egyptian goddess. And I'm pretty sure it's Isis.

And Isis is not like one of the gods or goddesses of the underworld. It's not kind of like you would even possibly think they're sus.

Like Isis, I'm pretty sure is goddess of like magic, motherhood, fertility and protection. It's just weird. They didn't even think. They didn't do any research on, you know what we need like a God of the underworld, which in Egypt is that.

Who would that be? Is that Horus or someone?

We're talking about a film

I have the budget for.

Have you seen the raptor effects? I'm just thinking maybe they haven't thought through this statue.

Those raptor effects weren't too bad until you saw it in daylight.

Right, Right. So I'm just thinking maybe they didn't think through a few things.

There's a reason why even Alien is like less is more. Let's just keep. And Jaws. Less is more. Keep it in the dark shadows.

Yeah.

Don't just have the raptor running through a field in the daylight.

Oh, man.

This is one of the moves where you more laugh at it than with it.

Well, what I will say though is because there's no budget, it kind of. Which we've discussed on the podcast before, it drives kind of creativity and old style filmmaking.

So seems like a homage to.

Yeah. So there's certain old school effects they'll use. Like I, I don't know when the.

I forgot her name now the sex worker gets slashed at the end and it kind of. She turns around to the camera with the, you know, the certain edit and things they do. And then there's different edit effects they do.

Like when they're in the lovemaking scene and there's all the different montage things coming up and there's a stained glass window and there's different split screens and colors.

And I just feel like he got very creative with some of his choices, which is what they probably tend to do more of when there's less of a budget because they can't go, okay, we'll have a blue screen here and we'll put in all this stuff. They have to make it in the edit of. Well how different angles and things like that.

I think it's got a blue screen.

Going back to what you said about the. It was vfx car on fire. Well, I think the why they did that so early was like you said, so straight away, you know what kind of movie it is.

Yeah, it kind of sets because the minute you're like, is this a hype? It looks low budget. Is it really like that's, that's.

As soon as that kicked in, I'M like. And then he was like, no, I'm like, okay, I see where we're going with this.

That's is a good way of setting the tone, I think.

Yeah. There was some parodying of things I noticed.

So I think the bit where he's in the car with the dad, it's kind of parodying the Spider man Uncle Ben seeing the great power with great responsibility because it's got all the light shining into the car. But then obviously it just gets weirder from there. And then the mum's in the back of the car and they drop him off at past the school or whatever.

But I feel there are little touches where the parody in other films as well as, like, you say doing it as a bit of a callback to them as well.

Yeah, I had a look. So people will sometimes miss how many genres this film is playing with.

So there's starts with a revenge story, then becomes a superhero movie, then it dips into martial arts, cinematic, and even throws in elements of exploitation.

It's batshit cheese. Someone wrote something.

I don't know if it's poking fun at, but it's not just parody. I don't know if it's parodying them or poking fun at, like low budget kind of the genre as a whole.

But it also. It focuses on stuff. So when he slices the head off, they focus on it to make you really focus in on the fact that it is a fake head.

So if they were trying to do

that properly, they were trying to hide it.

Yeah. They would try and minimize it, but they don't. It's like the opposite way. Fake head.

Yeah.

So it's almost that nod to the fourth wall of us watching it to say, look at this. Like, is it. If something's. And this isn't me reviewing it, but if something's done bad on purpose, does it still make it bad?

I think it still depends how it's done.

Or does it depend how you're viewing it? Because I think a lot of this is done tongue in cheek on purpose. It also makes it.

It also shows you how hard it is to make a film look realistic when you know, here's them try to make it in a parody way. But still, there's obviously a lot of effort gone in to do the. Just because they make it look shit. Does it. Is it on purpose?

Is it still shit because they're doing it on shit on purpose, like the VFX thing. But you might know more about this, Darren, because of the grindhouse stuff that I don't know more.

I think it's how you do it. There's different ways to do it low budget. There's different ways to make it look shit. It depends on which. What route you go down.

Yeah, well, this is now a play where it's like where, like Shakespeare, where everything goes wrong or something else. Where everything goes wrong, yeah.

It's a stage play, isn't it?

I think. Oh, it's like Acorn Antiques. But I think you can do something where stuff goes wrong or looks cheap, but you can do it.

Well, I think it doesn't make up for just doing it badly. Like doing it badly on purpose. I think that's really, really tricky to

do and I feel like. But maybe this is just my viewing of it. That's what they were trying to do on purpose. Okay.

Yeah.

But then I. I don't know because then if they were taking everything very seriously, it's like, why did they do that? It's like they really hammered home the beats. Like when the laughing insanely and things like that.

You think that they're really focusing in and heightening it all to make it over the top. It's like they're clearly doing that on purpose. But then if they just brought it back a bit, maybe it'll work. But I don't know.

I don't watch many movies in this sort of genre. So it was trying to get my head around, is it taking the piss? Is it going extra miles to make it so crazy? Or is it just.

That's what they've got the budget for

and that's what that was the result.

That was the result. Yeah.

Okay, thank you, gentlemen. That takes us on to Paul's formidable facts of the day. I've got some for this as well, but I'll let you go first.

Okay. A Man of the Claw. As the poster says.

Dark Star started out like that. That's junk happens.

So it was shot on 16 millimeter film and before the negatives were developed, they were put in an oven for 10 minutes and baked at 200 degrees Fahrenheit to achieve an aged look.

Nice. I think the. That trailer that they made went viral, which is why then it ended up. It just. It seemed to fire. Yeah.

Wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for social media.

The only room in his apartment with no windows and therefore dark enough not to expose bows. Expose the raw film.

I think he's in love with this kind of genre, isn't he? He really just wants to, like, do it all.

Feels like a love letter to it, according to the DVD commentary.

Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. The writer, director.

You're gonna buy it, Paul.

We'll get to that. The velociraptor costume used in the film had been in his basement for years.

It had been made for a high school play, but the school's principal refused to let it be used because he believed it made the play too violent. So he just randomly had this costume. How much do we think it cost them then?

I've already seen that, so I know.

Okay, Darren.

Yeah, I've seen. It was at 35,000.

Yeah.

Interesting. You said it was shot in 16 mil because that costs money to get developed, whereas I thought that was just a weed budget.

We'll never.

We'll never know. The police showed up to find out what was happening the day his movie Climactic Fight was filmed. I love the fact that that was

filmed in a day.

Though the scene was being shot in relatively remote area of the park, people passing by could still see the actors in the set. And someone called the police to report that ninjas and someone in a short, fat dinosaur costume were running around in the park.

They were just running around in the park. The police must come. We must put a stop to the frolicking. Frolicking, no less.

Frolicking. According to the director's commentary, the production received a tax break from the Pennsylvania Film Commission. There you go.

And during the war flashback war sequence featuring Father Stewart, a quote on the shed behind him reads, the world is full of king and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams. This quote is from the Black Sabbath song Heaven and Hell.

It is.

And finally, when Frankie Mermaid, Carol's pimp, swimming in bitches. That's him. Is screaming profanity at people in the street. He was unaware that several of the passerbys were school students who discover class.

There you go.

So a few, few random facts. There's not that many, but there's a few.

Apparently became, despite the budget and the low, low quality of it, gained cult following after its release and became like a regular. Lots of cinemas were sure, like Midnight showings. And like, whenever those horror themes be

pleased to hear that it's got a sequel that's in post production.

That was one of my others.

Yeah.

The Velocipasta 2 will be made. There was a crowdfunder for it and it well exceeded its target. So actually the. The second one will have a bigger budget than the first one.

Amazing. It's in post production, which means it's coming very soon.

Okay, thank you, Paul. That takes us on to hate it or rate it. So what do we think? I'm going to first go straight over to the horn section. Mr. Horn, what did you think?

This was everything I feared and worse. It is 1 hour, 15 minutes, which makes it 1 hour, 14 minutes too long.

It's like it's made by somebody who has never seen a film with their own eyes before.

And it's horrific that these people were at film school because that actually terrifies me that it means they were doing this intentionally because there's like crash zooms in. This like zooms. You shouldn't really be doing your day one of film school is like, don't use zooms.

You have to get to a stage where you understand film grammar to pull it off. And even in.

I actually picked up on that because there's times instead of zooming in slowly, you just. You do a further zoomed out one, then you zoom in, but you don't. Then your next cut is to. When it's zoomed in.

Yeah.

Rather than when people watch the zoom

in or you do a tracking shot. Like you move the camera. You don't just crash in with the camera.

I feel like they were just trying every. Like I was talking about the old school effects, but I think they just literally tried every single cliche and things should do and.

Yeah, yeah. Thing you shouldn't do. It's the. There's no. There's no basic film grammar or story structure or anything to it. It's just. It's just horrendous. It's.

It's horrendous in the level where it's not like those other movies that you can go check out, like the short films like Tree Vengeance and Kung Fury. That they are what they are, but they're funny. There's some. There's some. It's genuinely funny. Hobo the Shotgun. Yeah. Iron Sky.

Except I really like Baba Hotep's good. It's. This makes me. It makes me really sad.

It makes me really sad that this has been made and it's out there and people are Watching it and thinking that it's good. And I think this is an advert for the dangers of drugs.

Because if, if they were high when they thought of this idea and then made it, and then there's people who are watching this and liking it. I just think that you stay away from those things.

Drugs are bad.

Okay.

They. Yeah, it's like Beaves and Butthead would probably like this. That's. That's the level of IQ we're dealing. And the fact it was shot 16 mil.

Like spend the money on actors or script or locations or effects or.

It was a film about our pastors.

I don't, I don't mind what it's about. Like, like, even in the Mania Project, you know, which also if you do go watch that. I've made better films. I've done like concert DVDs and stuff.

But that was for fun that we did kind of in the background to make each other laugh and then just kind of got out of hand. But point is, we bought like, we've got an exploding car because we bought stock footage for like $25 or something. Like, you can.

This guerrilla filmmaking is an art form. You can do stuff on the cheap and you can pull off really, really cool things. And I just don't feel that they even tried.

It's more like not what you do, it's how you do it.

Yeah. It's not what you do, it's how you do it. Nobody gets this reference, do they? Now be anything you want to be.

No.

Cannibal One. It's not what.

Yeah, I've actually seen that film. But that still doesn't ring about.

I've not seen it.

Yeah. So I, I've got. I've got nothing. This, this, this is the closest I've come to skipping the film and I skipped a lot of it at 15 second intervals.

Just like, please get to something allowed to do that.

Are we allowed to do that?

Couldn't I. Yeah.

Anyway, I, I couldn't. I. I would have died. I would have. I would have ended my own life.

It's the only time I've actually been relieved when the adverts kicked in and I was like, this is some fine quality cinema. So I shall buy this Fairy Liquid. Thank God.

So all of a sudden, Hot Shots not looking so bad.

You're exactly right. Because in like Minecraft and hot shots. The cameraman knew what they were doing. The sound guy knew what they were doing.

The makeup artist knew what they were doing. Nobody involved in this movie knew what they were doing.

I might just lead with that.

Spoilers are no spoilers.

Yeah, I mean, people see. People see what it's called. I mean, yeah, you can have fun with us even.

There's a montage where he's driving, which. We've seen this in like crappy movies a lot. They, you know, there's the montage scene where they were driving the car.

You're supposed to have aerial shots and you see him moving between different landscapes. Like on the opening shots, they're going to different cities.

This is just a long, open, like, montage of a close up of him in the car from slightly different angles. Nothing outside the car.

Yeah, that's true.

Come on.

No, this is the point I was making. Like, do we think they're doing all these things on purpose or do they

not know what they're doing?

Right.

Or do not know what they're doing?

Okay, because that was the bit I'm like, did they know?

They don't even try and.

Right. Okay.

They can't be trying. They just can't be. Because like.

Or they try to make it as shit as they can.

Yeah, but then that's Sharknado and that's fun, you know, like, there's ways of doing it. You can do still concepts and you can still freaking know how to use a camera or how to frame or

let's hope with a bigger budget. Lost passer to pull back.

It makes me weep for the future.

But do you worry that everyone will go and watch it? Because it's so bad? This is good. Because it's bad.

Because it's like, I think it's so bad. It's bad.

Yeah.

Right. Because like Showgirls is so bad. It's good. You can mock it, but it's still shot well and it has some character and stuff.

That's why I worry. Like, the Next generation is like, oh, it's so bad. Like one of the things said, one of the reviews on IMDb, absolute garbage. Must watch.

Yeah, I saw reviews like that. Made me cry.

And you're thinking there's so much stuff out there, so much content that they're going to the absolute garbage to watch anyway.

Darren, what's your rating?

Zero.

Can we do that?

It's out of 10.

Okay.

It's a number.

Okay.

Wow.

Because there's nothing redeemable about it.

Like, is this your first zero.

Yes.

Wow.

I feel like your students knew this and that's why they were pushing for it.

I think they want to torture me.

Yeah, maybe.

Yes. Succeeded.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, Paul, I'm gonna go to you now.

Absolute garbage. Avoid.

Okay.

Yeah.

This is the only fun, if that's the word I was having with it, is was where I was trying to decide, are they making this as shit as possible as like a. Some kind of cool. I don't know, like when the guy's head went off and they clearly have the model head.

I've lost the will to live by that.

Yeah, well, I had to. But I'm thinking they clearly. I don't know, it's like, let's try and make it into this random off the wall. Look at us being shit at filmmaking.

Because normally the head would go, okay, it's a model. But they wouldn't then do the next bit. And all the way through I kept thinking, are they trying to be this bad? Like the room with Tommy was ever.

He was clearly passionate, trying to make.

He was trying to make a good film. He just had no talent.

Right. And I've seen the Disaster Artist and the kind of behind the scenes of all that as well. And he thinks he's trying to make this good film.

But that's like Ed Wood, isn't it? Like, yeah, they had heart and they were trying. They just didn't have the talent.

So that's what I'm thinking as I'm watching this. I'm like, are they doing this on purpose or not? It's really bad. It is really bad.

There were moments where I did laugh because it was so absurd and so out there. But like you say, there's. There's other films that have done it in a much more fun way.

I didn't laugh once. This could have been the start of my billion era. This would be like

the. I'm. The only thing I'm gonna give it points for is because I know how hard it is to make a movie.

It's not hard to make this film.

I don't know.

A nine year old can make this. No, but what about those kids who remade Indiana Jones?

Okay, but they clearly got creative at certain points when they were doing like, you know, the split screens and various things. All right. Didn't work and it was terrible. But they were making different choices.

Yeah, they lit those scenes. At least I had like a green gel or red gel.

Yeah, that's what I mean. So they were doing like color things and making choices. I'm just going to skip to the end.

We're giving it.

I'm going to give it. Not 0.5, because the 0.5. I'm going to give it for some of the originality. Yeah, exactly. But did I enjoy it? Not really.

I thought this is an hour and what was it? An hour.

And I feel like it was an hour 15.

Yeah. The TV shows I'd have been much rather watching.

I feel like my cinematic IQ has deteriorated from watching this film. Like my first class honors degree is now a third because of this film.

But like even the scenes with the actual velociraptor in the daytime and everything, it's so bad that I'm like, they must have done this on purpose to make it into this kind of kitschy. Look how bad it is. But you're saying they would try it.

Tremors is

gone back. What were you thinking?

I made my nose in the. Almost to the end of it. I didn't laugh once, but I did laugh at the velociraptor in the daylight. That did make me go. Wasn't that.

Yeah.

Lack of substance. Boring. This is a dumb movie. It's a mess. Dumb, poorly made. Lack of, I don't know, lack of love. Lack of attention to detail.

Like it could have been good. Like a lot of these. Like a lot of these movies can be good, but low budget. There's a lot missing in this movie.

So I'm giving it a one that's just for maybe laugh once.

That's the highest rating of a Zola and.

Yeah. Which gives it a total of 1.5, which is. Let's have a look. I'll put it into the. I'll put it into the table.

I think we know where it's going. Did Minecraft even score better than this?

Yeah, because you guys were weak.

I think I'd rather watch Minecraft than this again.

Yes.

Yeah. And you described that as what?

Well, even in Minecraft. I did laugh quite a bit in the Minecraft because it made references to the game, which I played quite funny.

The special effects are good. The music was good.

Yeah.

Jack Black at times. Always good.

I had a beat. I like watching him act Charisma in there.

Okay, so this is bottom of the league. It's 63 out of 63 with 1.5. Minecraft had five. And the big jump from that is the net, which had 7.11.7.

Wow.

So this is. This is clear. This is. They're in the relegation zone and they are going down.

So. So we're not lining up to see the velocipads. The two in a hurry then.

No. The only way it'll get on here is if it ends up in the. The wheel picks it again.

You know full well they're gonna.

That's what's gonna be next. That's the velocity pasta. That is what we thought. We would love to know what you thought. Send us your messages. Let us. Let us know.

You can send us a voicemail if you go to movies. In nutshell.com, there's a button on there.

You can send a voice message straight from your phone, email us, send us a message on socials, and we will read them out on the show. So that's where it lands in the Listener League. Actually, no, that was the Legend League. I just looked there. So let's put it into.

I have a feeling I know where it's going in the Listening League as well.

Here, see what even compares on that. 1.5 Going into the Listen League.

Would you say this is the worst thing you've ever seen then, Darren, or is there anything below it that you would say is even worse than this? Like on the zero scale?

I think it's probably the worst I've seen. I may have seen some really trashy things back in the day.

They have some redeeming qualities.

Yeah.

This has none.

See, that was a bit dull, but I'd rather watch that all day again.

So there we go. Rock bottom. Number 15 of the listen League. Okay, there we go.

Who are we thanking for that wonderful choice?

Once again, that was Hannah Wood.

Thanks, Hannah. Thanks for making us. Hannah.

Let us know what you thought. And there's other people who've requested this over the time as well. So it seems to be a student cult classic for some reason. I don't know why.

So you've chatted with Hannah about this. So does she genuinely like it or does she like it because it's so bad?

I think the. The consensus was they were messaging each other and I think they'd watched it at 2 or 3 in the morning.

But they've requested it for months.

They have.

As if it's the best for me. Yeah, I'm interested. I'm really interested to see what they choose next.

I'm not.

Right. Okay, that takes us on to part three, which is the listener lounge.

Fore.

So in part three, we have the lobby where we ask. We have your questions, your stories and your comments. Then we ask our question of the week and we finish by revealing next week's movie.

So on our socials, we asked, going to the cinema by yourself, is it weird? Yes or no?

No. It's one of the best things you can do.

Well, the results are in. 62% said no and only 38 said yes. And that was 40 odd votes on that.

So, and I confess, I clicked the wrong button.

You did? What did you say?

Well, I got the cinema on my own quite a lot, so I meant to click, yeah, it's cool. But I misread the question and clicked the wrong side and said it was weird.

You know, you can undo that and

read, no, I didn't know that. I just moved on. I messaged you instead to say I pressed the wrong button.

It made no difference. 62%. It's resounding. It's not. I've done it before and, yeah, I think it's fine. Scott Wigglesworth commented on it.

I do this as a way to decompress after a heavy week at. Heavy week at work, or just when I wanted time to actually watch a film away from distractions. It's like meditative.

Meditative things sometimes, Yeah, I get that completely.

Although the one embarrassing time I remember because normally, I think the first few times I did it, I felt kind of weird because it was socially like, oh, can I go my own? And then once you get used to just going and thinking, well, I'm sat in the dark most the time watching a movie anyway, who cares?

But one of the times that brought me back down to life was I think I was sat nearest the back. There wasn't a lot of people in the screen.

A family came in, sat like a couple of rows in front of me, and kids, as they do, just say what they think and they're like, oh, there's not many people in. And then these kids turn around like, oh, there's one weird guy sat back here that really brought me down to life and made me feel a bit like shit.

But nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie never. Even though these kids thought it was weird because I'd gone on my own.

It's like when someone in a comedy show like, goes to the toilet and, yeah, come here and go, what's his name? And, oh, he's on his own. Oh, just the one ticket, please.

Yeah, exactly. So I felt a bit brought down to life on that one.

Yeah, I've only ever, like, I never choose to do it because I usually would just go with people as just a norm, but I have done it when I've like had time. If I've been stuck, I've somewhere like, oh, I've got a couple hours, killer, can't see a movie.

Or I'll go and watch stuff that maybe other people. I can't think of anyone that would want to see it. And it's like, I'm just gonna go and watch it.

If you've got any stories or anything you want to send in, send them in and we will read them out on the show. So that takes us on to the question of the week.

And I think a good one would be since all we've said about the velocipaster would be what is the best low budget movie?

The Maniac project. Biased, I mean, but the before sunset trilogies are low budget.

I feel like I need to see those.

Yeah, they're really good.

Tremors is a lot of fun. I imagine that was quite low budget.

Especially the first one. Like was a bit of an unknown. It was a bit of a punt, I would imagine. Funny, crazy concept, but it, it worked.

The Terminator.

Oh yeah.

Our highest, highest thing he'd film was in fact a low budget.

Yeah. With 991 load of one would have been low budget.

Yeah, that's true.

I really like the Evil Dead, even though that's not my kind of favorite genre. They're just for some reason, especially the

first one, Star wars, that wasn't massively budgeted, was it? That's fairly low, the first one.

There we go. So that is this week's question. What is the best low budget movie? Let us know. That takes us on to next week's movie, which is back to me.

It is.

So I'm, I'm. I'm continuing on my journey of big blockbuster movies.

Love it.

This is, this feels like one we should have done by now. You literally just mentioned it. It's Star Wars A New Hope, Episode four. Or no, no, the first one. Let's go down this rabbit hole.

We'll do that in the episode.

This is a movie I've not seen for a long, long time, but my dad had it on VHS when I was a little kid. I'm watching it loads. So I'm interested to visit, revisit it and just. I want us to do the Star wars franchise. Get in there somehow.

1977 is probably the best room.

The rule here is we don't do a franchise. We have to be at the beginning. Okay. On the sign at like number three or four. I know this is technically not the first one, but it was the first

one that was released so randomly with Star Wars. I love Star wars when I was a kid, but it was years later I realized that that was mainly just from watching Return of the Jedi over and over again.

But then eventually, obviously watched Empire and original.

This is technically where it all started. Like, this was the original. This was the original story. There was no prequel sequels?

No, no.

I don't think it'd been thought out before.

Well, there's. We'll get into those facts. There's a lot of conflicting info on that.

Cinema wise going to. This is where it started. Was it 77? Yeah. So there you go. Next week's movie is Star Wars A New Hope. Okay. And that brings us to the end of the show.

Thanks for listening, guys. We really do appreciate you taking time out of your busy life to spend some time with us.

If you enjoy this episode, please share it with a fellow movie fan, give us a rating and review, and that will really help us. So this episode is officially over. This is Mark saying goodbye.

Darren saying goodbye for now.

I was so scared, I think I even peed myself.

I don't know.

They're all pretty rowish.

We'll take it. We'll take it.