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The Science of Goals - Part 2 - The Demartini Show
Episode 1147th January 2022 • The Demartini Show • Dr John Demartini
00:00:00 00:18:33

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There is an actual science behind setting and achieving goals. A science that you can learn and implement in your life going forwards. A science that can be a complete game changer for you! Learn the difference between a goal and a fantasy how to address potential pitfalls many people experience that can lead to frustration, and the specific steps to follow to set goals that you’re most likely to achieve.

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Transcripts

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Anytime you set a goal that is beyond your timeframe,

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the space and time horizon you're in, you will automatically hesitate,

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procrastinate, frustrate, in the achievement of it,

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unless you strategically plan in small chunks.

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In the 80s when I used to do consulting for a lot of doctors and clinics,

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I watched doctor say, okay,

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I I'll just use this example cause that's what came to mind.

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'I would like to have a million dollar practice.' That was decent in 1980s.

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And 'I want to have work four days a week.' And they would write,

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four days, a week and million dollar practice, I want to work six hours a day.

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And they wrote all these things down. And then I said, well,

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how much is the average cases? This. How many new patients do you want? This.

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And the number of new patients x the case visit average x the number of

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visits came out $600,000, putting all the numbers together.

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I said, 'So what do you want? You want $600,000 practice with those goals,

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cause that goal contradicts that goal.' They went,

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'Oh.' So we'd have to re adjust all the goals until they were congruent,

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because the brain just deletes them all. The brain goes, 'can't do',

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it already knows, not doable.

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So if you say you want to do a goal and you want to earn a certain income let's

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say, you know, some thousand dollars a day or something, and then you go,

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'But I want to work four days a week.

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And I want to make $2,000 a day and that's $8,000 a week.' And then I say,

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'Well, that's a 32,000 a month. And that means you're going to end up with about

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$400,000 a year. And you have a million dollar goal.

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You've got an incongruent goal.' So you go,

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'Hmm.' You got to actually take that goal and break it all the way down and make

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sure that all the components of that goal are real for you,

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that they don't contradict. Because anytime you have a contradiction,

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you got an internal conflict and you're not going to get it done because you

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can't., It's not numerically possible. Quantitatively it's not possible.

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Or if you say I have a goal,

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I had somebody recently that said 'I want to get rid of my bulemia.' And then

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they realized that they want to keep thin and they want to make sure they can

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enjoy their food, but they don't want to gain weight.

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And their unconscious motives were actually saying one thing.

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And then their conscious state was saying, 'Oh,

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I want to stop doing that.' But that was the strategy that they had figured out

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doing the bulemia and letting the food out,

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that was the strategy they were getting in order to get a goal that they want,

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keep thin,

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be able to control their weight and also enjoy big food, you know,

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plenty of food.

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So if you don't take the time to look at what your unconscious and conscious

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motives are, you will probably have contradictory objectives.

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And what you say and what you're doing. Now,

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people say they want to be financially independent.

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I was speaking in South Africa many years ago, eight years ago, I think.

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And there were 5,000 people in this room and I asked,

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'How many of you want to be financially independent?' All of them put their

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hands up. Some people put their feet up. And then I said, 'Well,

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how many of you are?' And all the hands went down just about.

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And I said okay, 'If you had, if I give you $10 million,

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what would you do with it?' And they all wrote down in the matter of a minute

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the 10 things they would do if they had $10 million and they all wrote down

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things about spending it on consumables that depreciate.

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None of them were investing it hardly.

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So unless you have a value on buying assets that go up in value to

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grow your wealth,

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and you really have a value on buying consumables for a lifestyle of the rich

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and famous, you don't have really a wealth building conscious goal,

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you just have a fantasy that 'I'm going to get wealthy buying and spending my

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money shopping'. You're consuming instead of producing.

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And so you think 'I want to get this wealth without the actual saving',

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deferring immediate gratification into longterm investment.

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So these contradictions cause a lot of angst inside and a lot of self

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depreciation and a lot of wonderance. You know,

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your self worth is got these two sides.

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It's got an elevated pride and it's got a depressed shame.

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And anytime you set up a fantasy like that,

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your BS meter goes off and the other one comes in and says 'BS,

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BS.' Your intuition knows when you set up a fantasy,

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it's BSing you inside you having doubt, anxiety, fears, trepidations,

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and stuff. That's why it's so important to set real goals in real time with real

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strategies, according to what's really important to you.

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And if you do and build little bitty action steps,

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baby steps make big dreams,

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build little action steps that build momentum as you go to get goals.

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When you do, you achieve them.

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If you take a, I'm going to just build this in layers here.

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And this is a generic thing. So there's always variations on this.

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But if you just,

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if you were to imagine a factory worker working in a big factory,

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doing kind of a routine work that's kind of mundane, it's monotonous, et cetera.

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They may be living literally day to day, or maybe week to week.

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And they,

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the second to get their paycheck it's probably going to be spent and it's just

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barely going to last through the week. If you go to a supervisor,

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they may think in terms of months. If you go to lower management,

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they may think in terms of maybe a year.

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Middle-management maybe think in terms of decade. Upper management,

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maybe think in terms of a generation.

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The CEO may be thinking of maybe in terms of

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maybe a whole century possibly, who knows,

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it could be more than a generation.

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The visionary maybe think in terms of a millennium and the Sage may be a whole

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millennium. The farther you go up into space and time in your mind,

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the bigger the vision, the longer the vision.

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You take a visionary CEO like Elon Musk,

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there's an art of how to go down into the factory and talk

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in terms of the timeframe that's week to week. If you say,

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we're going to go to Mars, people that think week to week,

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they can't comprehend that,

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but they can comprehend doing this particular action for the next week.

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So everybody has a time and space horizon in which they live in.

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And anytime you're living congruently in your highest values,

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your space and time horizons expand.

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And anytime you're living incongruently and down in lower values

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and trying to be somebody you're not, maybe you've envied somebody else,

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or you're living in a fantasy about what you want,

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and you're now down in the amygdala, the time and space horizons shrink.

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And that's what immediate gratification is.

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Immediate gratification is a shrunken space and time horizon.

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And long-term vision is a broadened space and time horizon.

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When you live by your highest values,

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it's an intrinsic value and you spontaneously want to

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to need motivation. But when you're down in your amygdala in lower values,

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you need motivation. You need a reward or punishment to get you to do it.

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So they shrink, and immediate gratification comes in.

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So what happens is you have small timeframes.

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So anytime you set a goal that is beyond your timeframe,

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the space and time horizon you're in, you will automatically hesitate,

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procrastinate, frustrate, in the achievement of it,

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unless you strategically plan in small chunks. And go, okay,

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this is if I do this,

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like when I first started way back when I was 18 years old,

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when I first started to learn how to read, you know,

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I went and I got really determined

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I was gonna overcome my learning problems and reading problems.

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And I went and I got a dictionary out and I made a commitment to read and

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memorize 30 words a day. It was a small chunk.

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That means saying the words, spelling the word,

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putting it in a sentence and get the meaning.

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And I'd practice 30 words a day with the help of my mom.

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She would test me on 30 words a day. I was able to do 30 words a day.

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If I tried to do a hundred, it would be overwhelming. If I did five,

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that was too easy., But 30 words a day and little by little,

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at the end of the year, I got a thousand new words almost. Thousand words, plus.

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Two years, I have a couple, that's a lot of words. 30 x 300,

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it's more than that. It's amazing what you can get done. It's not a thousand,

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it's 10,000.

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So when I grew my vocabulary at an incredible space and time,

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because I did little small increments. And the same thing with reading,

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I just said, okay, I'm just going to read. I'm going to practice reading,

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and I'm going to do a paragraph and I'm going to do a page.

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I'm going to do a whole chapter and I'm going to do a whole book.

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And I just kept incrementally doing it.

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Incremental momentum towards a long-term vision,

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that's well-structured and strategized,

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that are in time horizons that was within your time horizon,

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increases the probability of goals. And that is very powerful.

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And it also what's interesting is,

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you can see it in your mind's eye easily if it's chunked down in small bites.

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By the inch it's a cinch. It's like the domino effect.

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You take a little domino and it goes to a bigger domino,

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goes to a bigger domino,

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and you can knock down a building with it if you start them up and get them in

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motion. And so incremental momentum increases the probability of goals.

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So start small. Piggy banks become piggy banks, little actions make big dreams,

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and little visions can become huge visions if you just keep doing it.

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I remember an exercise I did many years ago where I practiced doing what I

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said, just practice with integrity.

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So I took a circle and I just practiced drawing a circle until I was satisfied

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it was the perfect circle.

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I took a square and I practiced it till I could draw a perfect square, freehand,

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the same thing with a triangle, and ellipse.

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So I just kept practicing simple things because every time you do a simple thing

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and you achieve what you set out to do, your brain goes, 'I can do what I say.'

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That's a great little exercise.

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So you want to make sure you do small steps and chunking things down and

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strategic planning like that is to everybody's advantage to do so.

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Those with a vision flourish.

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Alec Mackenzie in his 'Time Trap' show that the people who spend more time

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planning it out, seeing it in their mind's eye, and then delegating things,

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and not so much doing,

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but just delegating and managing and structuring the strategy to delegate it,

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go way farther in life than the people who are doing it all themselves.

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So give yourself permission to surround yourself with people that do

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extraordinary things in the area of expertise that you may not have,

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or otherwise you'll set goals that are,

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take action steps that are beyond your value system.

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That's an important component.

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If you set a goal and what's needed to do to fulfill that goal is

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outside the skills and primary focus of your own life,

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you want to make sure you put a team in there to be able to get it done,

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because if it's low on your values and it's something you don't want to do,

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people, if you don't have somebody to delegate it to,

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you're going to trap yourself cause you're not going to want to do it.

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There's some things in business I don't like doing it.

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And so if I have that delegate and give it to experts,

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they can do it and I can get my goal done. As Truman says, you know,

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if you don't get attached to the goal and think you have to do everything

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yourself and get other people to do it, you can achieve even more.

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So I really think that you can achieve way more in your life if you stick to

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what your core competence is, do what it is

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that's truly inspiring on your highest value with a true objective,

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strategized out,

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broken down and chunked down into small steps and then hand those delegated

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steps down to people who love doing the parts that are lower on your values,

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not inspiring to you, that you'll procrastinate on,

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and then you'll get way more done in a whole lot less time.

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Remember time X intensity gives results. The more intensely you focus on it,

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the more intense, and you're going to focus on it if it's high in your value,

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and the less intense focus you are, the longer it's going to take.

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Well I always say that a purpose or mission,

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some people use those interchangeably, some people try to differentiate that,

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I don't mind using them. I call my life's mission statement,

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my purpose statement, statement of purpose, synonymous,

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but some people differentiate it, I don't really differentiate those. A

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mission is a Christian term purpose goes all the way back into the ancient

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Greeks, but the mission term is much later,

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but this really means the same thing it's the metier or the calling of the

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individual that is through time and space. That's something like,

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I'm a mission to be a teacher. And, you know,

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I had a dream to travel the world and teach, which I do. And that's the mission.

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I will do that probably to the day I pass,

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probably on my last day I'll probably be speaking, I'll probably just croak,

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you know, fall over. But that's a mission through time and space.

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And then there's goals in time and space,

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where you have intermediate steps that you want to do.

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I had a goal to go to every country. Okay, well,

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I've spoken in 155 countries now,

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I've done the Breakthrough Experience in 66 countries. Those are goals.

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Those are doable. They're achievables, they're done.

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And I'm still adding to those as I go. And I usually expand them as I go.

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But all goals start out achievable and they become concrete and eventually

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become more abstract and long-term,

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and eventually something that's unachievable.

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And as it does it approximates towards the mission and the purpose,

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because those are something through time and space, not in time and space.

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Those are things you want to dedicate your life to,

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and you'll continue to do it probably to the passing, and may have goals

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that go beyond your life.

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I have many goals that I envision going beyond my life.

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I want my Demartini Method,

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I want the Breakthrough Experience and all of those to continue beyond my life,

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so they're not something that I can complete and they

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after generation. You know,

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there's some companies that have gone for 1400 years they've been in existence,

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way beyond the founder, because the vision was there.

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So if you have an inspired vision that is massively in space time,

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you measure an individual by their most distant end, says Seneca,

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so if you have a vision that's a thousand years in the future and you structure

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your systems in place and delegate systems and put the legals in

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place and the structure in place, you can have goals that go very long.

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But that's the fulfillment of a mission.

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So you can have a goal that's immediate gratifying,

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all the way to an eternal mission that's life, your whole life.

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They can go to any of those scales.

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But they're still things that are deeply meaningful. The more meaningful it is,

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the longer they're going to be. And the more immediate gratifying it is,

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you have a pleasure center and a meaning center and a power. Freud said,

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if you're searching for pleasure and you're looking for the pleasure principle,

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you're going to look for immediate gratification,

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like the marshmallow experiment.

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And then you've got search for power as Nietzsche said,

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and then you've got search of meaning like Frankl.

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But the search of meaning is the one that's the most powerful in the long run.

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You'll actually empower all areas of your life if you have something deeply

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meaningful to pursue. But immediate gratification won't empower you,

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nor will it give you a deep meaning. I always say,

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money without meaning leads to debauchery, which is immediate gratification,

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and money with meaning, leads to philanthropy,

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