How do you respond when someone acknowledges you for something you’ve done or said? And do you tell others about their positive qualities or actions? Our guest Ankush Jain shares with host Meredith Bell the powerful lessons he learned from his coach Steve Hardison. There are so many layers to the simple gestures of expressing and receiving acknowledgements. You’re sure to discover new ways that you can strengthen this valuable life skill.

Ankush describes the process he followed in creating his Document and all the ways he’s brought it to life so it’s truly his way of Being in the world. He’s also learned the power of language to create the people in his world…and the positive impact on his relationship with his wife and coaching clients.

About the Guest: 

Ankush Jain is a Transformative coach, business consultant, author, podcast host and public speaker based in the UK. He is the founder of The Powerful Men's Immersions, which is the best personal development program for men in the world. Clients fly from around the globe to work with him, and he is among the most successful coaches in Europe. He has a waiting list of people wanting to work with him.

Ankush also coaches other coaches to grow impactful, ethical and sustainable practices. He founded the hugely successful AJC Coaching Career School, which quickly sold out after it launched. He is the author of the book: Sweet Sharing: Rediscovering The Real You and is currently penning his second book about his journey to becoming the coach he is today.

Website: www.ankushjain.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ankushkjain

IG: https://www.instagram.com/ankush_jain_coach/

About the Host:

Meredith Bell is the Co-founder and President of Grow Strong Leaders. Her company publishes software tools and books that help people build strong relationships at work and at home.

Meredith is an expert in leader and team communications, the author of three books, and the host of the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast. She co-authored her latest books, Connect with Your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills, and Peer Coaching Made Simple, with her business partner, Dr. Dennis Coates. In them, Meredith and Denny provide how-to guides for improving communication skills and serving as a peer coach to someone else.

Meredith is also The Heart-centered Connector. One of her favorite ways of BEING in the world is to introduce people who can benefit from knowing each other.

https://growstrongleaders.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/meredithmbell

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Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate coach book.com Now, enjoy today's conversation from being.

Welcome to another episode of The Ultimate coach Podcast. I'm Meredith Bell, one of the hosts for this show and today I am really excited about having a conversation with my guest, Ankush Jain. Ankush welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me. Meredith, it's great to be here.

You know, I have followed you for a long time on social media, and in particular, in the ultimate coach, podcast group, and some of the things that you've written, have been so meaningful to me. And I'm looking forward to exploring some of those with you today. And other aspects of who you're being these days. And I think a great place to start would be for you just to share. How did you get involved in this whole being movement to start with?

Yeah, that's a great question. Well, I have been working with my coach, Steve Chandler for eight and a half years coming up to nine years now. And as people who've read the book, know that he's been a very long term client of Steve Hall isn't. And a few years ago, he was telling me, Well, I'm getting, you know, ready to retire. And I started thinking about, Well, who would my next coach be? And I started looking around and thinking about people. And I was like, well, there's this guy, Steve Hardison. What an eye asked, I asked Steve Chandler, what he thinks about Steve Hardison as a potential coach, and Steve said, Well Schedule A B with session. So I did that. So I paid Steve Hardison for a B with session right in the middle of lockdown. So I couldn't travel to the US. But we eventually schedule the this session for December 2021. And in the midst of that time, we had the book release, and the birth of this movement. So when I finally had my session with Steve, I kind of got involved right at the beginning of this turning into this whole, whole movement. And I was so impacted by the session, as, as you might know, and wrote a few posts about that experience that I ended up working with Steve again last year and continuing my work with him this year. And I've been more and more pulled in this direction and seeing more and more about what, what Steve means by being and how that has a huge impact on my life.

Well, I want to explore a little bit with you about that first session, because I did read your posts about that. And what you shared around receiving acknowledgments was so profound to me, and I think it would be really beneficial to our listeners, most of whom have probably not seen those posts, if you would share that experience and what you took away from it.

Yeah, it's, it's a funny thing, because I knew going into that session, Steve was going to ask me, What do you want to work on? And I've been coached a lot. I've had lots of coaching sessions with Steve Chandler and other coaches. And I was like, but I need something really special to bring to Steve Hardison, you know, this is a really expensive coaching session, and I'm flying all the way to the to the states for this. And I had a few things come up, and I'm like, No, that's not good enough, or I could talk about that, but nothing really landed. And so when that happens for me, I'm like, I'll get quiet. And in the moment, the answer will come. And that's what happened. So we have the session and a bunch of things happened. We didn't go straight into his office. So we talked for a bit, we check out the 1111 wall. We go down to his Zen Garden, and then eventually we get ready to go into his office. And just before we go into his office, Steve good has me a very heartfelt genuine acknowledgement about who I'm being in the world and how I create relationships. The background to that is I posted a couple of posts on Facebook that I was going to see Steve and I had tons of people liking the posts and commenting on the posts and wishing me good luck. And Steve said he'd never seen anything like it. And in my head, I was like, Wow, that's so that's so sweet. And the other part of me went out, Is this his shtick? Is this is this what he says? You know, Is he is he kind of like buttering me up? So we get into the office, and Steve said, so what do you want to work on. And one of the things I've been working on with Steve Chandler was how my self image my professional self esteem, as he put it, was, was lower than reality. So it wasn't low, it was just lower than what I was, who was actually being in the world. And so I bring this up to Steven said, let me give you an example. You give me an acknowledgement outside. And logically I know you don't say anything, you don't mean, you're you're very well known for only saying what you mean. And then there's still part of me, that's not taking it in, it's not accepting that. And I feel that if I, if I really was to see myself appropriately, in line with reality of who I am in the world, I think it would make a massive difference to my life. And so that was the kind of the context and background to the conversation. And so Steve gets really excited and starts coaching me around self acknowledgments and receiving acknowledgments. And it's funny, because I felt in the moment I was really getting it. And now I can't remember any of what he said. But I remember him saying, hey, let's do something. So you never forget this. And that's the bit I under present, remember, because I brought a few gifts for Steve. And he's like, What do you bring the ultimate coach and coming from the UK, we just bought him some, my wife went out and got some, you know, chocolates and, and snacks and stuff that are very British. And so Steve brought in the box of English chocolates. And he said, This is going to be a metaphor for an acknowledgement. And we did a bit of roleplay, where I pretended to be Steve, and he pretended to be me. And he said, You're going to give me the box of chocolates, whether whether chocolates is is a metaphor for the acknowledgement. And so I was like, okay, and in my head, I'm thinking he's gonna, like, turn around or say, No, thank you, right, or something like that, to make his point. And so I give him the box of chocolates to say, Hey, I acknowledge you, and he slams it out my hand across the room. And it's only a small office to go flying. And I remember feeling really angry. Like I was shocked and, and surprised and angry, and he not on purpose, hit my hand as he was so committed to slamming them out of my hand and it stung a little bit. So I kind of looked at him really intensely, like really upset. And he said, every time you don't accept an acknowledgement, that's what you're doing to people. And it was like all the air coming out of a balloon, all that intense anger and upset, I was feeling just all came out. And he said, we'll do it a second time. And we did it a second time, you need powerslam the chocolates out of my hand. And, and it's true, I will never forget that lesson, it was so profound. Because I then got to play with it. And there's levels to this too, because I spoke about this recently in India, and I shared this story in India. And I come off the stage and I'm talking to people about accepting acknowledgments and how it's changed my life. And I come off the stage. And people were giving me acknowledgments. And I realized afterwards, I wasn't accepting them. Right? Go figure. So it's one of those things that can be can be very tricky that there's there's levels to this. And Steve said to me, right, let's, let's reverse the roleplay, you just be you again, and I'll be me. And he goes, You give me an acknowledgment, and I'll I'll show you how I accept it. And so I acknowledged him on having incredible care and attention to detail, because I'd notice all these little things he had done to prepare for my be with session. And Abed, there were a bunch of things that I hadn't even noticed, which I really appreciated. And I can't even remember what he said again, but the feeling was so profound of him accepting the acknowledgement from me that I was moved to tears. So, you know, there are so many levels to this and Steve just said look on it on a kind of level one entry level ground level. If someone gives you an acknowledgement, just say thank you, which seems really obvious. And I notice how many times I don't do that or, or other people now I'm kind of more aware of it. I might give someone an acknowledgment now might tell my wife, wow, you look so beautiful. I might, I might say to someone, oh, that's a great outfit, or I really liked when you said this, or, Hey, that was really cool. And the number of times people do some version of art, it's nothing or, you know, oh, this, this whole thing that I'm wearing are Well, that wasn't quite as good as I wanted it to. Even that ground level of just saying, Thank you, we often don't do and I don't do. And then there's levels above that, like Steve said, Well, if you want to go kind of a level higher, that's like telling people what it means to you. And so I again, I've been playing around with that, where someone will will give me an acknowledgement. And, you know, if someone says to me, like, Wow, your coaching was so great. I could just say, oh, you know, well, that's cool. I can kind of throw the chapters either handle or ignore it. I could say, thank you. But I could also say something like, well, thank you so much. That means so much to me. I've been doing this for 10 years, it was really difficult at times, I used to beat myself up over this, because thinking I wasn't good enough. And for you to share that it, I really appreciate it. It's a it's a different level of accepting the acknowledgement. And what I found is it does two things. One, the person who is giving the gift of the acknowledgement, really appreciate that being accepted, just like if you gave someone a gift. And I've done this before, by the way, I've given someone a gift. And I've been so excited to give them a gift. And they just barely even acknowledged our thanks and ignore it. I feel a little bit deflated, like, Hey, I put a lot of time and attention into finding something that I thought you'd really like. So it's the same thing with an acknowledgment. But on the other side, when I accept an acknowledgement, I'm creating myself through the power of language. So when someone says, Hey, you're wonderful, and I'll say, Wow, thank you, that I'm creating myself as wonderful. But if I say no, I'm not like, Oh, it was nothing. I'm saying, Hey, I'm not that thing that you're saying. And I'm, I'm programming my mind to show up as Oh, I'm not wonderful or attractive, or amazing, or whatever, whatever someone says to me.

Wow, I appreciate there's so many levels to what you've just said here, that this alone, to me is an important part of our conversation. Because of both sides, the giving of the acknowledgement and recognizing how important it is to notice what other people do, and share that with them. Because what you imply it I don't think you said this exactly. But when you give a specific acknowledgement, you're helping create that other person to themselves. And that is another whole aspect of this. I love the fact that you also talked about the difference in how you receive it, either. Just a minimal thank you or another whole level by accepting it. And the way you articulate your acceptance impacts how you see yourself and who you're being. It's just profound the impact on ourselves and on others, and learning to do this. So thank you for sharing that detailed story and all the threads that go with it, because I think each of us can consider what are we like, when we are in a position to acknowledge someone else? How do we say it? What do we do? And then also when we receive it? What do we do? You know, I'll add one other thing is when I noticed someone minimizing or kind of dismissing an acknowledgment that I give them or just say, You know what, you can just say thank you, as a way to bring their awareness to get away from making excuses or minimizing Does that ever happened with you?

Yeah, it does know, I sometimes will say to my wife, you know, don't, don't throw away the chocolates. And she has the context for what that means or sometimes with my clients because we all do that. And I love how you share that around. We create people when we give an acknowledgement. Because I wanted I didn't quite say this, but the context of that whole piece was about my my professional self esteem. Well, what happened was, as I started receiving and accepting acknowledgments, more, more gracefully and graciously. I started to reprogram myself in the way that I saw myself. And I found myself showing up differently and it wasn't arrogant. Certainly to He didn't feel arrogant, it was more appropriate to who I was in the world. Because the whole world was telling me all this stuff. And I kept knocking it away. And playing the story of little ol me, poor me, you know, I'm not worthy, I'm not this, I'm not there. And that started to disappear as I started letting in these beautiful acknowledgments that people were giving me and really receiving them in my heart.

Hearing you say that makes me think this would be a perfect time to talk about the creation of your document. Because I think that the acknowledgments receive from others, at least for me, has really impacted what I created, and the declarations that I've written. So I would love for you to talk about what was your process in creating your document? And did you take any of these acknowledgments into account?

So the process was, was really profound, I will hold my hand up and say I was a skeptic. I wasn't someone who really wanted to create a document. I did ask a few of Steve's clients, Devon band discern, and Alan Thompson and Chris Doris, Gary malo, a few my buddies, and said, Hey, guys, you all have a document, can you give me some tips on to how to create a document. But uh, by the way, I'm going to be working with Steve and they all said, you know, just if you're gonna do it with Steve, do it with Steve. And I remember thinking, this seems to be really important part of Steve's process in how he works with clients. So I'm not going to ask him to coach me without the document. So I didn't even ask him. But that fair to say, I didn't have high expectations of the process. And I was in for a surprise. I got to Steve's office last year. And he was super intense. And he really, you know, got across to me how this was the foundational work we needed to do. And the whole document process is built on self forgiveness. That's really what it's about. So this was less about me creating myself through what I would like, or what people were seeing in me, it was, it was actually very little to do with that. It was a case of really healing. All the judgments I had been holding against myself, many of which I wasn't even aware of. Right, that I was kind of holding in the back of my mind or in my unconscious, for for decades, that had been kind of the I mean, they were my document, we all have a document, as Steve says, most of us are just not aware of it. But there was this document running my life, which wasn't very kind. It wasn't very inspiring. It wasn't very uplifting. And it was keeping me playing small. And so the process was really a process of one identifying those judgments. And there were a lot of them. And then only after I had really identified them and kind of faced the worst version of myself. And it was tough. I mean, this is I've been doing personal development work for for over two decades. And this was the deepest, toughest work that I've ever done. Only then was I moving to the self forgiveness process, and genuinely forgiving myself for holding these judgments that I had on myself. It wasn't about eliminating them because they're bad. Because that reinforces them. It was about forgiving myself, for the judgments I was holding against myself, because I was doing that innocently. And I could let them go. And then my document came not from my head. It came from inside me came from my what I might say my true self, in terms of this is who I really am and that those declarations were birthed through me in Phoenix. And there was some tweaking, and, you know, I worked with Steve a little bit on them, but they were coming through me. So sometimes people might look at my my document, oh, why don't you say this or why didn't you say that or some people had offered, you know, some feedback on my document and I was like, thank you and no, there's there. There are very specific declarations that I have made. And they have come from this self forgiveness process and And I'm 100% committed to being that, because you know that they're twofold. On one hand, they are all completely true as a reflection of who I am. And at the very same time, they are also aspirational, because there are levels to every single thing. So, it is true, like the first line of my document is I am loved, and I am loving. I can, I could write pages or talk for a long time about why that is true, I could find lots of evidence as to why that is true right now. And it is true. And that one line, I could dedicate the rest of my life to really being that and finding higher levels of what that really means.

That's a great example. Thank you. And I think that people often wonder that aren't familiar with this a declaration and how it's different from an affirmation, and I think you just explained that. So well, it's the being of that now. And it's also aspirational. And I know that you've done a number of things to really bring your document to life. And I'd love for you to share some of those, because sometimes people, you know, write it out or type it up and read it. But you've taken this I know, to a whole other level with some of the things you've done as a way of internalizing it and really making it a part of you, would you share some of those?

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I find that I learned best when I teach. So I'm really grateful that Steve gave me permission to share this with people. So I've taken about 2530 people through this. And I realized, Oh, this isn't about just creating a document. This is, again, there's there's levels. So Steve gave me about 12 ideas, or 12 requests to make my document, really part of me. And when I share this with other people, I say, hey, you know, these 12 things, these are minimum, these are not the be all and end all these are just the minimum. And then you can create on top of this, whatever you want to get this in you. But, for example, Steve had made well want speak it twice a day, every morning or evening. There's a massive difference between not speaking it and speaking it. So when I wake up in the morning, and I speak it, and I kind of do it twice, I do it when I wake up. But I also do it when I have a shower, right. And I create it in my head that when I'm in the shower like no one's there. And I say again, when I'm like a little bit more awake. I'm starting my day declaring who I am, and it sets me in the right way. And then last thing at night, I say it before I go to sleep. And that really helps me because if I'm holding on to a judgment, or I'm annoyed about something that just it just kind of just resets it all. So speaking it out loud, not just in my head, but out loud twice a day. Again, that's minimum, you can say as many times as you want. And Steve speaks at a lot more than that. That's been really powerful. So that's the first thing. Second thing is I've learned it off by heart. I was absolutely determined that when I walked back into Steve's office after I created my document, and there was a little bit of a gap, I was like, I don't want him to ask me to speak my document. And we have to pull out a piece of paper. I was like, I need to know this off by heart. And so I was absolutely committed to it. And every day I would I would learn a bit more I would speak it out loud, and how much can I speak without looking at my, my piece of paper. So again, there's a big difference between having something that you look at and you read and knowing every single line every single word off by heart. So, you know, I made sure I got that again, I request that people do that if they're going to create a document. Three, I recorded myself speaking it and I've got it on my phone, and not just one way but several ways. So I recorded myself to be my document. I am loved and I'm loving I'm gorgeously lovable, even when they don't know it. And I have it a different way. You are loved and you are loving, you are gorgeously lovable you when the donor says it's hitting kind of the same thing in a different way. I then have got other people to speak my document, and I've had to enroll them in speaking it. So I enrolled Steve Chandler in speaking my document. As far as I know, he's not done that for anyone else. But I requested it. And I was very grateful that he said yes. And so it's really powerful for me to listen to Steve Chandler who's been my coach for nearly nine years speaking this back to me. I enrolled my wife speaking my document back to me, and that was really powerful. I enroll my father I said that I want to get emotional. But my dad hopefully will live for a very, very long time. The best inheritance I could ever ask for from my father is him speaking my document to me. I will treasure that audio. And I actually had it uploaded to my YouTube channel and transcribers like if I lose it off my phone, I want to make sure there's a copy somewhere, it's it's far too valuable for me. But having those audios and listening to them, and listening to people I love and respect speaking my document to me what I had to enroll them, but to again, it takes it to a different level. It's a different thing than just me having a piece of paper, it's like no, no, this is really important to creating me. And then listening to that. Steve asked me to write my document out left handed, so I'm right handed. So he said, and I've done it twice, I've written out my entire document, left handed. And I think there's something in there about the left and right brain and really getting it into me. And again, I asked my clients to do that. I upgrade my document. So by that, I mean, I have it framed, you will eventually be hung up on the wall. I'm just redecorating my office. But my document, I contacted my friend who I think is the most amazing graphic designer, I gave her the words and I said can you put this into a into a poster or into a into a graphic? Which is really easy to read. But looks really important. And can you design it? Well, and she did. And she did a fantastic job. And then I print it out in in a two size. So so a two it's like, you know, it's as tall as my son nearly, let's just put it that way, right, three years old, it's big. And this is the most important document in my life. I say to my clients, it's more important than my birth certificate. Marriage certificate is the most important document. So I want it to reflect that. So I had it designed, I had it printed. And then I went to a proper framing place. And I selected a frame and they're showing me these frames. And I said what's that frame over there. But that one, really, and it matched really nicely the colors and there's an old This one's really expensive. And it was it was one of those moments where I was like, I'm worth it. This is important. And so I was like, you know, I felt like a billionaire. Money's no object to but you know it but it was important. It's, it's it stated something for me that again, no, this is important. So there might be other things that I you know, I can frame a little more cheaply. But this thing I know this, this is important. So that's framed, and it's in my office, and everyone can see it who comes into my office. And I want to be able to see it every single day. And I was actually tempted, I haven't done it yet. But I was tempted to get a second one printed and framed and hang it into my in my childhood bedroom. When I go and stay at my like everywhere I go, I want to I want to see it. So you know that that's another piece to it. But the biggest one, what the other thing was I made sure I spoke it to every single client I had. And that was uncomfortable. But I did that. But the biggest thing that I did with the document was I contacted Terry Broughton, who's a wonderful artist in the UK. And I asked her if she would, she would paint me and I reached reached out to him before I created the document. And I was following, you know, my my wisdom. And Steve said, you know, if you feel something act on it, I was like this is really bizarre. I acted on it. And I said let's wait until I come back from meeting Steve. So I came back from having completed my document and I went alright, Terry, I'm ready. Let's let's create this. And so I drove down like two hours away where she lives. And she took me to the studio and we had this guy foot photographing me. And you know, this was not America. There's not California. This is not a coaching venue. This is a converted stable in Norfolk. And this guy doesn't know anything about being and I said before you photograph me Can I speak my document to you? And I felt super uncomfortable. But I was like, I'm going to do this. And I spoke my document. And I'd spoken it to Terry before and I said I want this to be infused into this painting. Right? I don't know how but I want it infused in the painting. And, and then and then the guy was like, Well, you're a natural. And I was like, and I was like in my head. No, it's because I spoke my document. I was really embodying that. And then throughout that process, I was like, I'm only going to speak positive language. So anytime Terry came out, I was like Terry, you're the greatest artists in the world. This is going to be a masterfully these, like I only spoke positive and She's created a masterpiece, right? She somehow Kraid she painted me, but it wasn't a picture of me, she painted me. And when I look at it, I'm like, I see my document in that painting. Wow. You know, so that was Steve goes do all this, and then the, you know, do something? Well, that was that was my version of taking it a level above.

Wow, these are also powerful on kitchen, I can relate to some of them because I have memorized mine. And you know, it makes a big difference when you're reading it, because your mind can wander while you're something. But when you're saying it, you're, if you've memorized it, you're consciously thinking about what it is you're saying, or at least it is for me. So my mind doesn't wander with that. And I love saying it when I'm taking a walk, because then I can be very open and expressive. Like out in the wide open spaces. And it does make such a difference. Thank you for sharing all those different ways that you have brought that to life and made it so, so much a part of you, which it is because of where it came from. That's it's an amazing story. I know you also were very active in the being events, the one in London and then in Mumbai. And you mentioned how it when we spoke earlier about that event in India really having a profound impact and that there were benefits to you, besides learning about yourself when you walked off the stage. And people were acknowledging you, and realizing how you tended to minimize those, what are some other things that were big takeaways for you?

I learned so much from from both the London and the India event. Before the event, I think the big takeaway for me was seeing how Steve was being in in the background in the creation of those. And it was like a, a master class or like a master's level degree in in leadership. So, you know, with any project, and this is true in a in a large company, wherever you can get conflicts. And they were suffice to say some conflicts behind the scenes. And I mean, in both the events, there were moments where I just thought this, were a statement, this cannot be pulled off, this can't be done, or, you know, this is this is how is this gonna happen now and watching Steve, create from that place from who he was being? I mean, it was it wasn't a miracle. I mean, it was miracle after miracle or no, in India, it was called a miracle in Mumbai, it really was. It really was to see how great the event was. In the end, how many people turn up and actually work, knowing in the background where things were beforehand, we're, you know, it looks a bit sticky at moments like is this is this even going to happen? And the real power and the leadership for me is in, again, using language to create people. And I found this certainly in London, where I had to ask myself, How am I creating people, because before being involved in these two events, I you know, I pride myself on being, you know, hardworking and smart and intelligent, and you know, making tough decisions. And if tough decisions meant, you know, getting rid of the wrong people on a project again, like I would be the guy to be able to do that or whatever. And what I instead that I learned, which I didn't expect was the power of language to create people can massively transform the way people shop. I mean, it really has been miraculous. And so if I'm showing up from a place of, hey, this person's not very good, or this person's this and I'm talking negatively, they're gonna show up as that was when I create people and Steve does this so magnificently. And I'm really, you know, learning from him as as and seeing the best in people and speaking that and it's not about buttering people up it's like really looking for the golden then finding the gold and kind of speaking it out. People show up as that. And I've seen in both events, people grow so massively through bring being part of them. That again, it was like, you know, it was a master's degree type change. It was unbelievable.

That kind of You know, if all of us could do that, and would do that, oh, gosh, we can do it, we just don't notice, we are operating in that level, so much of the time. I just love what you've shared. Because I think it is profound, when we can look for the golden others and highlight that it goes back to the whole acknowledgement piece that you started with this whole idea of recognizing and seeing the good, the potential that someone else may not see in themselves. And, and speaking it. And I would think publicly to it isn't just speaking it to that individual. But when you highlight their strengths in front of others, it seems like that has an even more powerful impact.

Absolutely, and this isn't just in work or in running a being event. But being is universal, it's it's everywhere. So I remember meeting up with some friends, and they were all complaining, you know about their wives or their the mother in law or the sister in law, we're creating people like that, and that I'm not judging them, I used to do that too. And I, I kind of became aware of it through being part of this movement. Of wow, like, I, if I'm doing that, then that's how people are going to show up to me, I'm going to I'm literally creating them as that. And yet if I, I have the power. And Steve says you know, with God with a small g as the god of this module, I have the power to create anything in my world. So I can create my my husband, or my wife is the most amazing partner for me, I can create my kids, or kill kids as as angels, I can create my my in laws, my neighbors, my friends, as as magnificent, wonderful. And we can all find the golden those people, it's not just at work, or if you're a coach or whatever, it's it's literally everywhere. And again, there's levels to it. I'm constantly learning and seeing more about this. And when I do that, my benefit my world changes because now I'm surrounded by amazing people who are stepping into this possibility I see for them.

That's so important. It's so much easier to complain about and see how others are, are being that we don't want and focus on on that. I would love for you to share as we kind of wrap up here how that's especially been at play for you, with your wife, in your relationship with with her.

Oh, it's It's been huge, because I've always loved my, my wife, I loved her when we were dating. And so we got we got married. And yet I wasn't aware of how many times I could fall into complaining, or, or judgment. Or thinking that I knew, like, Oh, I know how she's like over here. And so that shift, and we haven't even really spent a lot of time Steve and I talking specifically about my marriage. But it's been an amazing side effect that has all these things I'm learning about being well, the person I'm closest to day to day is my wife, so I get to apply it in that relationship. And what happens is when I I acknowledge her more than I did before, or guess what that changes our marriage for the better. I am willing to accept acknowledgments from her. That changes I use. I try not to use negative language, whether she's there or not about her that changes things. Right. I create a positively with with other people that changes things. And then just being my document. I mean, I said this to people I've strangely had a few people asked me for coaching recently on finding a partner, which I've never done before. And one of the things I came back to was the person who is being the document is way, way, way more attractive than the person who isn't. And so I have no plans on being single. But one thing I know is if I will, if I was who I am now being as my document is way more attractive than who I was before that it's not even a competition. And so, you know, I've said to a few people, if you're being your document and some of them haven't created one yet, but I'm like create your document and if your being your document, you will have the universe throwing potential mates at you. Because you're going to be such an amazing person. You know, you could be the person where someone's gonna you got to meet my sister, right I need to introduce you to my best friend. It's a different level. Well guess what? If you're in a, in a marriage or in a relationship, and you're being that person that only elevates the whole experience, and I've said to both men and women who are going through this process and creating themselves very deliberately, and making a commitment to be that, and like you're your partner is incredibly lucky. And it's going to change your marriage and your relationship, if you if you made that commitment to be this because that's, that's incredible. That's not a small change.

Mm hmm. It's so true. I've seen that myself, in my relationship with my husband. And as I was listening to you talk on cash, I was thinking how that is also true with business relationships, because I have seen that in people's response to me and how I show up in a conversation in business. And to me, the beauty of living your document is the ease and flow that happens, because you're not trying to force anything, you're not trying to try to be a particular way. It's just who you are. Is that ring true for you?

100% 100%. And, you know, I've got some lines in my document about who I am, as a coach, I've got some lines about living in abundance, they all play into how I show up in my business and creating business relationships. And people really feel it. If there's one thing saying certain words, hey, I'm not attached, if you work with me or not, I just want to serve well, people can tell if you really mean that or not. And when I'm being who I declare myself to be, then I I'm coming from a different place, I'm coming from real service, I'm coming from love, I'm coming from abundance, I'm coming from relationship and connection. And the paradox, or the irony, or, or whatever you want to call it is when I show up as that more comes to me. And whether it comes from the person, I'm talking to someone else. It's like, it just comes to me more and more and more. And, you know, I'm really seeing that, that, you know, we do live in abundance. And we are such powerful creators, that we can create a reality where even though we're living in so much abundance we are, we were avoiding it, and knocking it out of the way and creating the opposite.

That's so smart. Well, this would be a great time as we wrap up punkish for you to share what it is you do. How can people connect with you and learn more about your work and just follow you even on social media?

Yeah, well, I'm in the Facebook group. So you can find me the Uncas Jane, and if anyone's interested in anything more, you can go to my website, which is ankushjain.co.uk ankushjain.co.uk . And I guess you could call me a coach, although that's evolving. And I work with people I do men's immersions I'm running a coaching school. And everything is evolving. So I have about to embark on a year with Steve. So what comes out of that? Who knows, but that's what I'm doing right now.

Right? Well, Ankush, thank you so much for this very special conversation today. I so love who you are being and all that you're you're learning and you've been such a gift to our listeners today with everything that you've shared. So thank you.

Thank you so much.