Episode summary introduction:

Regret, a sentiment often laden with sadness and disappointment, serves as the focal point of our discourse in this podcast episode. 

TC & Maddog explore the notion that, if approached with a constructive mindset, regret can be transformed into a catalyst for personal growth and enhanced happiness. 

Enjoy the discussion as we suggest how individuals can glean valuable insights from their past decisions, ultimately fostering a more positive outlook on life. 

Furthermore, we emphasize the importance of self-reflection and the necessity of engaging with our emotions to mitigate future regret. Join us as we navigate the complexities of regret and its potential role in shaping a more fulfilling existence.

Topics discussed in this episode:

Regret, a profound emotional response often characterized by feelings of sadness, disappointment, and a yearning for different choices made in the past, is the focal point of our recent dialogue. 

Regret has the potential as a catalyst for personal growth. The discussion begins with the acknowledgment that regret is a universal experience; it is an intrinsic part of the human condition, one that nearly every individual encounters at various junctures in their life. 

Going deeper, it becomes evident that while regret can often weigh heavily on the heart, it can also serve as a powerful teacher, prompting us to reflect critically on our decisions and their repercussions. 

TC & Maddog shares the perspective that regret, when viewed through a constructive lens, can lead to enhanced self-awareness and, ultimately, a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness in our lives. This perspective encourages us to embrace our past choices, learn from them, and use that knowledge to inform our future actions, thereby transforming regret from a source of pain into a stepping stone toward a more enriched existence.

Walkabout takeaways:

• Regret is frequently characterized by feelings of sadness and disappointment regarding past decisions and their consequences.
• Listeners are encouraged to perceive regret positively, utilizing it as a catalyst for personal growth and happiness.
• Self-reflection can illuminate patterns in our decision-making, aiding in future choices and emotional management.
• The importance of maintaining relationships, as failure to do so can lead to profound regret when opportunities are lost.
• Ultimately, that acknowledging regret can facilitate a happier and more fulfilling life experience.

More about E-Walkabout:

To learn more about Electronic Walkabout visit us at   www.ewalkabout.ca.

If you want to read more “Thoughts of the Day” check out TC’s Book at Amazon:

St. Mike's Fortunes

https://a.co/d/j5dGhBK 

Resource: 

https://gretchenrubin.com/articles/how-regret-can-make-us-happier/ 

A special thanks to Steven Kelly, our technical advisor, who keeps trying to teach these old dogs new tricks when it comes to sounds and recording!!

“Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you!”

Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times.

Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Maddog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us.

The Electronic Walkabout Maddog. Let's get right into this episode. When you hear the word regret or feel regret, what comes to mind?

Uh, I think it's the shoulda, coulda, woulda. I should have done this different. I should have. You know, you start examining that regret.

But that, that's what would jump into my mind right off the bat.

That sounds fair. Regret is normally defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

It's an emotion wishing one had made a different decision in the past because the consequences of the decision one did make were unfavorable. Join us as we look at regret in a positive light and how this light can help us to live a happier life. But first, as always, a thought for the day.

Like it or not, we all have a life sentence. The one time you don't want early release for good behavior.

I like that one and it's very true.

So how are you, this fine day?

I'm doing very well, sir, thank you. And yourself?

Pretty good.

You're freshly back from a little vacay?

Yeah, little vacay. It was like 30 degrees every day we were down there. So lots of sunscreen, you know.

Nice, because we.

We just finished talking about that. You have to look at your skin, right?

So you do. Us pasty Canadians fall under that category.

Well, regrets. Maddog, what would you say if I told you regret, if managed properly, could give you a happier life?

I would say. Okay, I'm interested. Tell me more, tell me more.

This is more of a glass half full perspective, but more an effort where you look at the situation, learn from it and move on. Now that seems a lot easier said than done.

Sure.

Can you think of at least one time in your life where you say woulda, coulda, shoulda? I'm only asking for oil, right? Because with the models that we have on, we should use what it could have, should have.

I think the ones that usually the big one is a real estate one. Like, I remember a house that we sold in Calgary for.

But I think with regret, it's, there's a lot of hindsight that's involved with that. So you could almost apply it to most things that didn't go your way favorably.

Okay. So you hit the nail on the head, getting back to the whole positive life with regret, the hindsight being 20 20.

Now this, this assumes one very important thing that you're actually going to learn from that decision you made in the past.

True. And I think it's, it's goes hand in hand with your point about how you look at things.

I think if you have that positive attitude and you're trying to find the silver lining or maybe how ways you can better avoid it in the future, then that's a touch point, a learning moment. But again, you have to be, have that state of mind to be able to look at it that way, I think.

So how do you get to that state of mind? Because that's the point. You have to be able to, again, getting back to that glass half full, looking for that silver lining.

And for some people, that's not an easy thing to do.

No. And I think a lot of people just have that natural outlook where they're just happy all the time.

But I think the vast majority of us have to go through a bunch of things to eventually realize that, well, maybe I should be looking at this a little differently. You know what I mean?

So trial and error and then kind of, you might think it was catastrophic at that moment, but after you go through a couple of, call it failures or misses or whatever you want to call it, that, you know, it wasn't that bad. And I think that over time your focus will hopefully change to, you know, better manage those regrettable situations.

Sure.

And as an example, and I'm speaking from experience to a failed relationship, I mean, because there's a lot of times where things just aren't working out and the couple just seems to go their own way.

And one of the things that I said to myself personally and having a couple of buddies along the way where they kind of confide me that they were happy in the relationship they were in, that they wanted to go elsewhere, and I was obviously full stop right here. Make sure you try everything you can to make it work.

Yeah. And then when at the end, you know that you have put the effort in, in all the ways that you saw possible to possibly rectify that.

Yeah. I mean, at the end of the Day, I think there's still going to be regret because no one wants a failed relationship.

Not at all.

But it's a question of making sure that, that you don't set yourself up for that big regret.

Anything in your life that, and you already talk about real estate, but anything in your life that you figure that if I had a zigged or zagged, it would have made a bigger difference in my life.

See, that's a little bit of the butterfly effect, right? Like that one instance might be different, but what else does that affect if that one thing changed, right?

So I think sometimes, like, I couple with, you know, some, I think maybe two jobs that I had that I'm like, man, that was a mistake going to work for that company. But you don't know until after the fact, right? It's, you go in with good intentions and then it's like, oh, no, this is not what I was looking for.

They don't operate quite the same. I, so I, I, you know, I, I regretted, quote, unquote, going to work for that company. I still did it.

But it also allowed me to see what was important to me moving forward. Regret regrettably went down this path. It didn't work out. What was it that I didn't like? And I gotta keep an eye out for that moving forward.

So that's your learning point.

Perfect. So the next time you, like, like you say you're looking for a.

Just call it that dream job, and things start to happen that are similar to that one you thought was the dream job. It's maybe time to pull the pin and move. Move on.

Yeah, exactly. And I, you know, I have a fairly proud record of, of employment.

And it was during COVID a company downsized, packaged me off, I went to work for somewhere else and the guy had his finger on me all the time. I'm like, do you not see my experience? Like, I know how to do it?

So anyways, when I left that job, that was my first hot point when I was looking for other words is I don't like to be micromanaged. Got that out of the way right away.

So, yeah, I took that unfortunate year and a half and just said, okay, well, what don't I want to happen again from that?

So, yeah, a little off topic. Someone tried to micromanage me. I'm not a good, I'm not good with that either. But I just being very, very diplomatic, I said, you know what?

I'll tell you what I said. If you think it's important that you be Right here while I'm making all this decision.

I said you're more than welcome to do that, but quite frankly I think you're too busy to do that.

A subtle escort out the door.

And, And I said don't get me wrong because I'll always let you know what I'm doing. That kind of thing. And there's, and there's nothing, nothing wrong with that as I was concerned. Right. So not at all anticipating future regret.

I don't live in that world personally. I, I don't, I don't look at things that way. It's. Every experience is new. There's new, there's nuances with every different venture.

But I don't know if I look at things looking to avoid regret, I.

Think, does that make, it does make sense. But, but I want to go down this road a little bit with you and then I'm going to flip it around and give you a different perspective.

Okay.

So. Because obviously your, your glass is always half full, you know, that, that with new challenges that.

And I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I might just a little bit that there's going to be some ups and downs and if there's too many downs, then again we're at that. Oh, maybe I shouldn't have done this. Just really regret. Sure.

Yeah, no, I'm okay with facing adversity. That, that's not the issue.

I think it's, you know, when I talk regret, it's about something that's impacted me greatly in a negative fashion that, that I would think that way. But yeah, I, to your point, I, I do.

I'm not trying to say that oh, everything's rose colored glasses but you know, I, I don't, I prefer to live my life in a bit more of a positive fashion without, you know, when you live with a lot of crap on your shoulders and you get used to it for a while it's like, okay, but then when all that comes off and stuff like that, it, it allows you little bit differently. So, so yeah, I, I don't.

It's the way you're explaining that is really talking about and understanding that, that, that future. Let's say that future regret. Because you've already said I've been through a lot of stuff so like it's not going to happen.

I'm not going to feel the regret because first of all I'm going in eyes wide open.

Right.

I realize what I'm going to deal with and I know that, okay, if I go down this road A little bit. It's going to touch on that, that regret. So I might back the truck up.

It kind of reduces your risk for future regrets.

So you see where I'm going with it.

And it's funny, as you were just talking a few moments ago, I remember talking to my brother one time because if you can imagine this, okay, so we're living in Ottawa, Ontario, and we're just growing up, we're just having a great life there because it's a beautiful city. And my dad decides to move us literally across the country to the interior of British Columbia.

So I'm talking to my brother, he says I'll never forgive mom and dad for doing. Oh, so is that vicarious regret? Do you think?

I could be. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's. Well, you know, I think as kids, you know, you, you, you see things, obviously your parents see things a different way.

So your idealistic lifestyle in Ottawa was great, but you know, if there was financial or job concerns and stuff, and stuff maybe that they didn't tell you about, hence what promote prompt move and. Yeah, a little bit different, but I, I could see why you'd be jaded for that. We had the same thing when we moved to B.C. from Calgary.

One of my sons was like, nope, I'm still a Calgary. And I just, I want to be there. I love the flames, I love the stamps and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, we'll give him some time.

But now he's a true BC boy and he's, you know, he's understanding that there's a good life here as well.

So, yeah, keeping an open mind for sure. I mean, and I, and I'm.

And not, not just in Canada, but with all the time you travel and you bring your family along, there's, there's an education that, that, that really is priceless as far as I'm concerned. Really. You think about it for a second and. Because I've been really kind of all over the map with this as far as the, the different areas of regret.

But if you think about yourself coming to a fork in the road in your life and you're either going to choose path A or path B, not knowing which one's going, going to be the best, and you've done your due diligence and you start going down the one road and you're down there significantly, you realize this was the wrong choice.

Yeah, fair.

So there, there. And I don't know how you can anticipate that kind of regret. Right.

So, yeah, I think it, it comes and it presents itself. And then you're faced with a series of decisions that you need to make.

Either you continue on the path you're not pleased with, or it's okay to step back, restart, and go back down the other paths. Not saying that it'll be better, but at least you can say that you pivoted and tried to improve.

There's that wording and pivot that seems to be the buzzword these days, where if you, I'll say, have the ability to pivot, you're going to be in a better stead even if you're down that wrong road. Right.

So just some areas where regret may or may not happen, depending on who you are and what you're dealing with, missed opportunities, not pursuing relationships. So I mean, and I'll put it this way, so we often hear where we're located.

Grandma and grandpa are getting a little bit older in life and they're just living down the road in their, I'll call it, their resort. And you have an opportunity to go and see them every weekend if you wish, but you don't.

And sure enough, life does what life does and they go on to a higher place. And you're feeling that, that and that.

That, that regret is fair. And you know, to me that's, you kind of have to sleep in the bed that you made.

If you made the conscious decision knowing that they were that close and that convenient to not visit, well, that's, that's on you. Right.

It's, it's one of those things that, mind you, if you were there every second weekend and they still pass, you'd be kicking yourself in the butt saying, I should have been there every weekend. Right. So that one's a, that one's a tough and tender one for sure.

Yeah. But if, if we could like at least send the message that those are, those are.

And you, you probably don't realize it at the time or else you wouldn't be missing the opportunities if you really just, just say go ahead and do it and spend the time with it.

Yeah. And I literally just went through this A couple weeks ago. One of my, my longest standing friend in the world passed away. He was in Calgary.

And I think that's where you, if I were to say feeling regret somewhere, that would be it because. And it's always funerals, you know, you see all people that you've known forever and you know, we should have stayed in touch more, we should talk.

It's that type thing. And it's unfortunate when these gatherings and Reunions happen at funerals. Right.

That shouldn't be the way if there should be things outside of that situation that you get together with these people. But life moving, all that sort of stuff. But that's where I felt it a little bit. I'm like, I miss you guys.

I really should have put more effort into staying communicated with some.

Okay, so there's the first part of that equation. And if we talk again about that, anticipating future regret, so you realize that.

So the, the obvious thing is to make sure that you keep contact or make the effort to actually go and spend some time with these individuals too.

Exactly.

I, I know that when my dad was on.

And it's hard for everybody, my dad was on his deathbed and I, I'm sitting there and it's like 2:00 in the morning, and I've just, I don't, I don't, I don't know what to say to him, but I'm starting to realize that he's, he's going to be out of my life and he's been like, literally one of those, those support systems that, that I'm never going to have again. So this, this question pops out. Any advice, dad? And it wasn't just, hey, should I have Chinese or.

Right, yeah.

So it was literally like life advice.

And I'm thinking, okay, not that he didn't give it to me before, but this time I'm actually asking for going very well, I won't have that opportunity again.

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's a, that's a tough one.

But, but one of the things when I, when I shared that story with a good friend of mine, he said, you asked the question, like. And I, I only gathered from that I should have asked more. I only gathered for that, from that, that a lot of people don't ask that question.

Yeah.

And let, let's face it, the people that we care about that are leaving this world, they, They've been through a lot of stuff. And not that they're sheltering her by any means, but I mean, unless you ask, they're not going to give it to you.

Well, that's it. Because, yeah, it's. Yeah, I, I've been down that path before and it's, it changes things, that's for sure.

Yes. Regret over parenting decisions. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, I got that one. And I experienced that. I have two sets of boys, one for my first marriage and one for my second marriage.

And when my older two boys started getting into sports, I was a very young dad. Like, I was a dad when I was 20.

So when they was 25, they were starting to do things, and I rolled them in a whole bunch of different sports and just let them kind of try a whole bunch of different things. But I say nothing stuck. But in the same breath, I think. Think that I probably could have encouraged them to stay with a selective sport longer.

That was one of those things where I was like, you know, I probably could have done that differently. And then the younger two boys come along, and I remembered what happened with the old two, and I said, you know what?

I'm gonna make these boys find a sport and stick with one sport, and that's it. And they did. And they both did very well. So that. That's a little regret from me. But I was younger. I'm not the same guy now that I was then.

But that's the one thing was like, no, I should have forced them to stick in a sport. I was trying to be too. Too accommodating, I think. And they tried everything. T. Ball, baseball, soccer, basketball, all that stuff. But.

And they did well, but they just. They kept changing interests. So that's a.

That's a regret. It's. At what point does it become, let's say, their. Their decision to decide which way they want to zig or zag.

True. I think they were still like 6, 7, and 8. So still, you know, should have been parentally driven. But, yeah, and it's.

It's one of those things that definitely took it as a learning and changed my approach for. With the younger two boys. I think it had a bit of an impact.

Okay. So I'm just going to remind you where I started with this. Okay. You see how, just based on that example you're given, that. That.

That red rat has actually made your life happier with respect to the decisions you made with those other two sons of yours.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Yeah.

And that's. That's the whole thing.

When we talk about looking at regret in a positive light, it's really kind of saying, I'm learning from my mistakes, but I think it's a little bit more involved in that.

Yes. Yeah. And it's. When it.

When it's close to you, when it's family, when it hits a little bit harder in your heart, you kind of pay a little more attention to that. Right. And that. That, to me, was more important than, let's say, oh, I bought this car, and I didn't like the way it handled this shit about that car.

Different regrets, or like, I was at the casino, the other night and I was down like 50 bucks and then I was like, I doubled it up and I, I should have, I should have cash. But he didn't. And I regret. We'll call that a first world.

Yes. Once again, yes.

Okay. Well, Maddog, that music is telling us this episode has come to an end. I regret here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I regret to hear it so soon.

Regret can be managed in a manner that will lessen future regret and move us to a happier place in life. We can not only learn from our regret, but others regret knowing it is a negative emotion we don't want to feel.

We can use tools for self reflection to help us recognize patterns, organize our thoughts, and get perspective. That perspective, I think, is really what makes a big difference.

And you might have to talk to someone from that perspective, depending on what the approach you prefer. Consider. While we may want to avoid the pain of regret, acknowledging this emotion can help us to make our lives happier.

I just want to end with a fact and a congrats they cupcake.

Yeah, no, I get that. Yeah, that's, thank you.

I think a lot. Back at it, right? Yeah.

But you'll, you'll probably, I don't know if you recall I, I, I mentioned one of our, one of the episodes where you and I had a conversation. I just said, oh, my son, I wish you would make more than six. Yes, this is similar to that, right?

Yeah, that's fair.

They have many regrets. How would you like to see that here? Chinese portrait.

It would be confusing, but Confucius safe. Yeah.

There you go. Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about ewalkabout, please Visit us at eWalkabout. Cat.