Shownotes
Angela Rinaldis suffered from anorexia and over-exercise addiction and was hospitalized because of it. This is her story and she is RESILIENT A.F.!
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About the Guest:
Angela Rinaldis is lawyer, mother of two, business entrepenuer, rising improvisor, fitness enthusiast and survivor of an eating disorder, which shaped who she has become today and how she faces challenges. Angela is the founder of Project True a not for profit raising funds for those suffering from eating disorders and breaking the silence around mental illness. Angela takes on challenges willingly and is constantly pushing boundaries. Angela is transparent about her recovery journey and wants for those suffering from an eating disorder know that they are not alone.
Link: Instagram
⚠️ Content Note: Some episodes may contain themes that could be distressing. Please take care of yourself while listening, and don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional if needed.
About the Hosts:
Blair Kaplan Venables is a British Columbia-based grief and resilience expert and coach, motivational speaker and the Founder of The Global Resilience Project. Her expertise has been featured on media platforms like Forbes, TEDx, CBC Radio, Entrepreneur, and Thrive Global. She is named the Top Grief and Resilience Expert of the Year 2024 by IAOTP. USA Today listed Blair as one of the top 10 conscious female leaders to watch and she empowers others to be resilient from stages around the world. 'MyStory,’ which is a television show available on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV+ and Google Play, showcases Blair's life story. She is the host of the Radical Resilience podcast and specializes in helping people strengthen their resilience muscle using scientifically proven methods and guides grieving high performers with her Navigating Grief Framework. The Global Resilience Project’s award-winning book series are international bestsellers, and her fourth book, RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol 2, will be published in January 2025. In her free time, you can find Blair writing, in nature, travelling the world and helping people to strengthen their resilience muscles.
Links:
https://theglobalresilienceproject.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/blairdkaplan
https://www.facebook.com/blair.kaplan
https://www.facebook.com/BlairKaplanCommunications
https://www.instagram.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.instagram.com/blairfromblairland/
https://www.facebook.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-global-resilience-project
Alana Kaplan is a compassionate mental health professional based in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She works in the mental health field, and is a co-host of the Resilient A.F. podcast. Fueled by advocacy, Alana is known for standing up and speaking out for others. Passionate about de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental health, Alana brings her experience to The Global Resilience Project’s team, navigating the role one’s mental health plays in telling their story.
Engaging in self-care and growth keeps her going, and her love for reading, travel, and personal relationships helps foster that. When she’s not working, Alana can often be found on walks, working on a crossword puzzle, or playing with any animal she sees.
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Transcripts
I don't want anybody else to go on this journey alone. I'm like, I'm
Speaker:lucky. I have money. I have a supportive family. Because I looked
Speaker:for everything. I looked for. I went to, like, programs, like
Speaker:groups that were supposed to happen. I remember sitting in like a room and nobody
Speaker:was there. I went to, like, children's, like, to different hospitals. I
Speaker:went. I saw so many counselors who claimed to have eating disorder experience but,
Speaker:like, did not and like, just didn't resonate with
Speaker:them. I tried, like, hypnosis. I did like
Speaker:sauna therapy. I. I did like some elect, like a bunch
Speaker:of like, brain tracking stuff. I basically, I went like, here, you can have
Speaker:my body to science to figure this out. Yeah. And I spent a lot of
Speaker:money, like, a lot, like over probably in the initial, out of
Speaker:pocket. Probably like $80,000 initially. Wow. To figure this
Speaker:all out. And so I vowed that when I left there, I remember leaving
Speaker:those doors and I'm like, I don't want anyone to go through this. I will
Speaker:create. I will do this path for you. And so
Speaker:that's how Project True was birthed. Welcome back to
Speaker:another episode of Resilient AF with Blair and Alana.
Speaker:But hold the Blair. I mean, no, I'm here. Don't hold the Blair. Blair's here.
Speaker:Hold the Alana. And trade in Angela.
Speaker:So super excited about today's guest. Blair me
Speaker:is not the guest, but Angela is. And
Speaker:Angela Rinaldis a lawyer, mother of two,
Speaker:business entrepreneur, rising improviser, fitness enthusiast,
Speaker:and survivor of an eating disorder which shaped who she has become today
Speaker:and how she faces her challenges. And just off
Speaker:camera, we had a beautiful conversation about what's going on in her world and
Speaker:everything that she's gone through has led her to strengthen her resilience
Speaker:muscle and do what she's doing this world and navigate current
Speaker:challenges. Angela is the founder of Project True, a
Speaker:not for profit, raising funds for those suffering from eating disorders and breaking
Speaker:the silence around mental illness. Angela takes on
Speaker:challenges willingly and is constantly pushing boundaries. She's
Speaker:transparent about her recovery journey and wants all those who are suffering from an eating
Speaker:disorder to know that they are not alone. And I am so honored
Speaker:to have you here today, Angela. So welcome. Thank
Speaker:you so much, Blair. I am. First of all, I'm so honored and grateful to
Speaker:be here and so honored to know you. And I
Speaker:just want to thank you for all that you have done with, you know, the
Speaker:books and the creation of, like, this whole
Speaker:world and community that you have. You are making a difference every Day. So I
Speaker:hope that you know that. Oh, thank you. And so are you. And
Speaker:you know, when I first met you, we like are in, in the same,
Speaker:like some of the same circles, but we've never met. So we met
Speaker:virtually through a mutual connection and when we talked and
Speaker:just you sharing your story and like what you're building, like you're raising
Speaker:two kids and managing family
Speaker:and a lawyer, which, being a lawyer on its own. I have friends who are
Speaker:lawyers. Like I don't know how you do anything else and, and you started a
Speaker:not for profit. Like you are a wonder woman. And when someone
Speaker:takes their pain and turns it into purpose, I just have such a soft spot
Speaker:for them because I'm doing that and I know how hard it is and I
Speaker:just really want to, to show people who you are
Speaker:and what you've been through and, and also
Speaker:to raise awareness about the conversation about eating
Speaker:disorders. Yeah. And I thank you for that. And it's interesting because
Speaker:I don't know if a lot of people know, but back in February, the very
Speaker:first week of February was actually Eating Disorder Awareness Week. And
Speaker:Yeah, and here in Vancouver we light up Science World in purple because
Speaker:it's the color of eating disorders. But I often wonder and I often reflect during
Speaker:that time how many people actually know that and, and
Speaker:what it means. And I think we've made great gains in like the
Speaker:conversations about, around mental illness and eating disorders. But
Speaker:I still feel like there's a stigma attached to it and a lot of
Speaker:just like feeling very uncomfortable and scared about coming out.
Speaker:To say that you either have one or you've had one. I mean, I know
Speaker:for myself when I was in the thick of it, I always felt like
Speaker:such, like a freak. Like, like no one's going to understand.
Speaker:It's like, no, I'm actually, I'm actually scared to eat that. You know,
Speaker:like, I think I might die if I eat that or, you know, and,
Speaker:and the voices that were going on my head and I was like, how can
Speaker:I be like a lawyer and going up in court in these like
Speaker:high profile cases and representing my clients and then on the back end being
Speaker:like, I'm not going to touch the butter because I fear that if I touch
Speaker:it, it's going to seep into my skin and make me feel fat. Like, you
Speaker:know, those are really two worlds that are really
Speaker:hard to navigate. And so you kind of enter this journey
Speaker:of. Even though I am so blessed to be so
Speaker:supported with friends and family, I felt so lonely.
Speaker:Yeah, I think that's like really valid
Speaker:and I would love, if you're open to it, to talk about the beginning, kind
Speaker:of how it started and when you realized
Speaker:you had a disorder. Absolutely.
Speaker:My mom suffers from clinical depression and she's
Speaker:suffered from that for my entire childhood. And so she
Speaker:was like, she was on like
Speaker:Prozac and she was like, did a bunch of experimental depression medication during
Speaker:that time, which is how they dealt with
Speaker:depression. And so I grew up, she was manic at times and then
Speaker:there times very, very low. And my sister and I are.
Speaker:There's a big gap in our age. And so for the most part my
Speaker:sister was sort of already away pursuing her career and I was kind of at
Speaker:home with my mom. And I remember seeing my mom lying on
Speaker:the couch in this house coat that she always wore. And I remember the moment
Speaker:that I promised myself, and I was probably 6
Speaker:or 7 at the time, that I would never become that
Speaker:way. And so I almost kind of took it like to the hyper extreme. And
Speaker:for me an eating disorder was not, it wasn't about, at least in
Speaker:its origin about being skinny or looking at a magazine and thinking that I wanted
Speaker:that. It was really a coping mechanism for everything that was going on in my
Speaker:life because my mom and I love her so dearly. And
Speaker:she had actually lost her first child, she lost her
Speaker:son that she had at a very young age. So you know, I feel for
Speaker:her because reflecting on it I was like, wow, I can only imagine her watching
Speaker:me like dying in front of her. Must have been very painful.
Speaker:And so I couldn't control anything. But what I could control was what went
Speaker:in and out of my mouth and also my exercise because I ended
Speaker:up having an exercise over addiction. So I
Speaker:started sort of slowly kind of like having like restrictive rules
Speaker:around that. And I was a very like type A high achieving personality. And
Speaker:when I graduated from high school, I was quite
Speaker:quite thin and quite sort of in the throes of my habits. And my parents
Speaker:thought that it was going to be a good idea to send me to Italy
Speaker:to stay with my grandmother for a period of time. Except that when
Speaker:I went, I suffered a lot of physical
Speaker:and emotional and verbal abuse from her. And so she
Speaker:kind of took it upon herself to want to get me better.
Speaker:But the, the methods were quite archaic in that she
Speaker:force fed me and kind of tied me up and locked me
Speaker:in like small rooms and. Tied you up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker:Oh my gosh, I am sorry. And
Speaker:yeah, there's, there's a lot of abuse around that. And so I
Speaker:ended up. It was kind of crazy. My, in the small town that they, that
Speaker:we, they. My grandmother lived in, the houses were connected and my cousins were next
Speaker:door. And so when everyone was sleeping, I crawled through the window and they had
Speaker:like an exercise room and I would just like go in there and balls to
Speaker:the wall, so to speak, exercise my brains out in the heat. And I
Speaker:ended up having a nervous breakdown. And when I came back home
Speaker:I was like, so just sick
Speaker:and fearful of all the things that she had force fed me and. But at
Speaker:the same time I was like achieving things at this like
Speaker:crazy pace. Like I was, I was in law. Like I made it through
Speaker:scholarship, through university. I was in law school. I
Speaker:was working a full time job for the city of Vancouver as a youth worker.
Speaker:I was taking care of my mom but like hiding it because I didn't want
Speaker:people to know. And I had taken on a lot of responsibilities in the house,
Speaker:like with my, my dad and I basically ran the household.
Speaker:And so at the same time that I was like depleting myself, I was
Speaker:achieving things. So I sort of had like a bit of a super
Speaker:human kind of complex in that. Like I was like, well like I'm obviously fine,
Speaker:but I was like gym hopping and I, I had a lot of people concerned
Speaker:about me. So I was losing, losing people who. It kind of hurt
Speaker:too much to kind of watch me go through what I was going through.
Speaker:I just want to. I'm interrupting you because I think this is really an important
Speaker:thing to note. When people were concerned, were they talking to
Speaker:you and letting you know that they were concerned or did they just
Speaker:disappear and push you away? It was twofold. Some of them
Speaker:went to like my family and sort of like that backdoor route to
Speaker:say, you know, there's something wrong with her. Are you guys doing anything sort of
Speaker:deal? Some of them. And I'm very lucky. He's had a
Speaker:very good group and they're still my very close friend who, for friends who
Speaker:did not leave my side, like. And they, they are my friends to this day
Speaker:and they are the most amazing people. And some of them actually let
Speaker:me know that it was just too hard for them to watch this. But we're
Speaker:going to be there on the other side when I, when I figured it out
Speaker:and I, and I. And some of them left. So it was a bit of
Speaker:a mixture. But I really, I was, I was very
Speaker:lucky, like very lucky number one, to have the supports
Speaker:that I had, the friends that I had and the resources that I had as,
Speaker:like, being a lawyer or in law school at the time.
Speaker:And I reached. I remember reaching my ultimate low
Speaker:when I. It was interesting. My family doctor at the time,
Speaker:my parents kept dragging me there, and he was like, oh, Angela's fine. Everyone should
Speaker:eat like Angela and look like Angela. So there's a real disconnect.
Speaker:Like, as an aside, I've subsequently learned because I
Speaker:actually sat on the National Board for Eating Disorders. I was the BC
Speaker:representative. And I've learned that in medical school. I think
Speaker:our doctors get, like, a day's worth of, like, nutritional,
Speaker:like, advice or anything on eating disorders. So I get it.
Speaker:So I wasn't getting any of the, like, medical
Speaker:backing, and I. I didn't want it. Like, I
Speaker:didn't want to die. Like, I know this seems like an oxymoron. Like, there was
Speaker:no part of me that wanted. That was, like, suicidal or wanted to, like,
Speaker:actually die, although all my behaviors were actively along
Speaker:those lines, and it's very contradictory.
Speaker:And so I remember writing my property law exam.
Speaker:And I remember, because of the eating disorder, and I was so thin, I had,
Speaker:like, carrying my backpack. I had, like, the marks of my
Speaker:backpack, bruises on my back, and it really hurt to sit
Speaker:down on my, like, skeletal. Skeletal bottom.
Speaker:And I remember just being so tired that I. I don't even know how I
Speaker:did it. I remember writing my property law exam. I don't remember what was on
Speaker:it. And I just took the bus to St. Paul's and I went to the
Speaker:eating disorder unit. And I was like, I. Like, I just sat there and I
Speaker:was like, I need some help, and I'm not leaving until. Until something. So
Speaker:you wrote your exam? Yeah. You took the bus to the hospital? Yeah.
Speaker:The same box. Oh, my gosh. And then what? Yeah, and then I
Speaker:met the most lovely people, and they put me on a very long,
Speaker:long waiting list. And that was like, maybe you'll hear back in a couple of
Speaker:years from now. And I was like, okay. And I went on a
Speaker:journey to sort of, like, figure out what other resources there were. And there's not
Speaker:very many, but divine intervention or just
Speaker:luck. I got a call and a spot became available,
Speaker:but I literally had to take the spot like, like within two days. And I
Speaker:was freaking out, and I. I said yes. And it was, like, the scariest
Speaker:thing I've ever done. And I went in, and I was still
Speaker:in law school at the time, and I was still writing my exams,
Speaker:and I. I got under the care of the most brilliant man and
Speaker:we're friends to this day. Dr. Laird Birmingham is the
Speaker:leading expert in eating disorders. And I actually just met with him for coffee a
Speaker:few weeks ago. Again, he is. I owe him my life.
Speaker:And if you've ever met anyone who's suffered from an eating disorder
Speaker:in this province, they've probably met him along the
Speaker:way. And I went under his care, along
Speaker:with all the nurses there. And I recall a real big highlight for me in
Speaker:this journey is I asked the law school for
Speaker:a deferral of my exams while I was in treatment,
Speaker:and they refused. And I
Speaker:had all the notes from Dr. Birmingham and everything. And the interesting part was
Speaker:that my friend asked for a
Speaker:deferral for another reason. She had had a death in the family, and
Speaker:they gave her the deferral. And I remember
Speaker:taking my IV from St. Paul's and putting it in my locker
Speaker:and completing my exams and then graduating.
Speaker:In any event, I feel like at some point I'll go back. And I
Speaker:hope that that's not the case today. I hope that if someone else
Speaker:shows up in my situation, that they'll get a deferral of their
Speaker:exams. But it was just so telling to me that
Speaker:the lack of sort of understanding
Speaker:around the severeness of
Speaker:my illness and anorexia and eating disorders is like
Speaker:the leading mental health disorder for death. And I
Speaker:recall being in St. Paul's and in the middle
Speaker:of the night, a nurse would come and wake me up and shine a flashlight
Speaker:in my face. And I was like, what is this about? And in those
Speaker:first few days of refeeding, you're very likely to die.
Speaker:You're very likely to have a heart attack. And so they have to wake you
Speaker:up numerous times in the middle of the night to make sure you're still alive.
Speaker:And I remember in my intake, given the weight that I was for my height,
Speaker:I remember them saying to me that they're like, you should be dead.
Speaker:Wow. And I also. You're
Speaker:like, not only am I alive, but I'm in treatment and graduating law school.
Speaker:Yeah. And I remember the worst
Speaker:punishment for me was we all had chores that we had to do because we
Speaker:all lived together. And I was
Speaker:not allowed to do anything because I couldn't burn another calorie. So they put
Speaker:me in a wheelchair. I thought I was gonna die. They put me, like, in
Speaker:a wheelchair. And I was like, no, this is not. This is not. This is
Speaker:not good. But it was an interesting time. I learned
Speaker:a lot about how to become a better anorexic, because
Speaker:although it was treating me at the same time I was around a bunch of
Speaker:other people with eating disorders. And so, I mean, I remember getting a pass because
Speaker:I had done some good stuff. And I remember escaping and like running all the
Speaker:way to Banyan books on this pass that I had just to get. Yeah.
Speaker:And I remember trying to do sit ups and pull ups and push ups in
Speaker:the washroom. Yeah. But anyways, so I
Speaker:left. I left there a bit better. So medically
Speaker:stable. And my options were to either go live in a house with a bunch
Speaker:of other eating disorder sufferers or like,
Speaker:nothing. And I was like, well, no. I'm like, I had a job lined up
Speaker:at a very large law firm. I'm like, I can't give that up. So I
Speaker:decided to do some outpatient stuff. So I didn't tell the law firm. But during
Speaker:my lunch break, I would go back to the hospital and have like, visits with
Speaker:the counselors there and have eat, like meal program stuff. So
Speaker:I did that. And then I was like, you know what? I'm like, I don't
Speaker:want anybody else to go on this journey alone. I'm like, I'm
Speaker:lucky. I have money. I have a supportive family.
Speaker:I'm like, I. Because I, like, I looked for everything
Speaker:I looked for. I went to like, programs, like groups that were
Speaker:supposed to happen. I remember sitting in like a room and nobody was there. I
Speaker:went to like, children's, like to different hospitals. I went. I saw
Speaker:so many counselors who claim to have eating disorder experience but, like,
Speaker:did not and like, just didn't resonate with them. I. I
Speaker:tried like, hypnosis. I. I did like sauna therapy.
Speaker:I. I did like some elect, like a bunch of like, brain
Speaker:tracking stuff. I basically, I'm like, here, you can have my body to science to
Speaker:figure this out. Yeah. And I spent a lot of money, like, a lot, like
Speaker:over. Probably in the initial. Out of pocket. Probably like
Speaker:$80,000 initially. Wow. To figure this all out.
Speaker:And so I vowed that when I left there. I remember leaving those doors and
Speaker:I'm like, I don't want anyone to go through this. I will create. I
Speaker:will do this path for you. And so that's how
Speaker:Project True was birthed. Because there's only one you. And True,
Speaker:that's our logo. And we. And I created it so
Speaker:that we're a space where you can break the silence around eating disorders. I
Speaker:mean, I was on the COVID of the Vancouver sun during this big, large
Speaker:murder trial that I was in. And I was so fear. I mean, I did
Speaker:it, and I had no problem sharing the story, but I was like, oh,
Speaker:what's the commentary going to be about? But the judge at the time and the
Speaker:court clerk reached out to me and they were just like, you know, about
Speaker:giving me accolades about how far I had come and. But I. Yeah,
Speaker:I just. I was like, no one needs to go through this alone and there
Speaker:has to be more resources. And so I partnered up with,
Speaker:like, the Looking Glass foundation here, and we started our not for
Speaker:Profit, and I got on the board as a national rep.
Speaker:And yeah, I just. That's like, my
Speaker:life's. My life's purpose, really.
Speaker:And I. And I'm. I'm recovered. I was told I was never
Speaker:going to have children, given what I had put my body through. And then
Speaker:miraculously, I had these two beautiful.
Speaker:My Sydney is 8 years old and Taylor is 5. And I didn't.
Speaker:They had them naturally, and they are just the biggest blessing in my life.
Speaker:And my husband, who I remember being so fearful to tell him about my
Speaker:history, and he accepted it fully and completely,
Speaker:but I. I just don't want anyone to go through this alone. And
Speaker:I also feel like it's a really hard area for families to
Speaker:navigate because, like, my mom, bless her soul, she thought it was going to be
Speaker:a good idea to, like, sneak butter in my food and you do these kind
Speaker:of things behind my back. And she was doing, like, it was the best intentions,
Speaker:but it was like, the worst thing she possibly could have done.
Speaker:And so I just feel like if there's. And I still, to this day, like,
Speaker:families that need to reach out, like, it's hard. Like, you go to your family
Speaker:doctor, they don't really know. Like, my family doctor still
Speaker:messages me and says, hey, I've got someone in here. Can you tell them what
Speaker:to do? Or so. So that's, that's actually really good. So let's talk about what
Speaker:is Project Truly, who should be reaching out to? The families.
Speaker:Yeah. Is it the families, the individuals themselves who are going through
Speaker:it? If you're a family who doesn't know what to do when you need some
Speaker:advice about where to navigate. Yeah, um, we're. We're open.
Speaker:Or you're a friend of somebody and you're just like, I don't know, like, who,
Speaker:like, what. What do I do about the situation? I'm concerned. I know that
Speaker:I'm. I'm scared if I confront them that they might just run away
Speaker:or. Yeah, or you're suffering silently and you,
Speaker:you, you almost leading, like, A dual. Well, yeah, you're leading, like, a dual life.
Speaker:Like I often say to everybody. For me, it was like, we all have that
Speaker:voice in our head, but I've got, like, myself, and I have, like, anorexic Annie,
Speaker:I called her. And so I had, like, a couple.
Speaker:I had that extra voice that was just steering me through my day,
Speaker:telling me what I could and what I could eat, what I couldn't eat. Like,
Speaker:making me step on the scale a million times. It was a good day for
Speaker:me when I could count, like, all my ribs. Like, oh, my
Speaker:gosh. Yeah. And so, I mean, I had to come home and, like, black out
Speaker:all the labels and, like, I had, like, duct tape on everything because I memorized,
Speaker:like, all the calories. Like, some of it's comical. Like, I used to wear, like,
Speaker:a butter, like, a glove to, like, touch, like, the butter and stuff, because I
Speaker:thought it was going to seep into my skin. Like, I. My gosh, I had
Speaker:a beautiful set of Lego cena pans that I, like, destroyed because I, like, scrubbed
Speaker:them so hard. And, you know, all the little, like, behaviors. But, yeah,
Speaker:if you are someone that is suffering, like, we are here
Speaker:to, like, direct you on where to go, point you in the right
Speaker:direction, listen to you, let you know that you're not
Speaker:alone, help you if you're, like, any
Speaker:money that we. That we. It pains me because any
Speaker:money that we create, we often have to put, like, in a lottery system and,
Speaker:like, draw someone to get, like. And that kills me that. That's.
Speaker:That's what it's like. But we're doing our best, right?
Speaker:And so. And also, I want people to know that from the
Speaker:outside, it's like, well, yeah, like, I'm a lawyer and I've got two kids, and
Speaker:I own a cafe, and I. I'm an improviser, and I do all these
Speaker:things. Right. But, like. But you own a cafe also? Yeah, I
Speaker:do. Yeah. I own True Cafe on Granville Island. Which cafe? It's called
Speaker:True Cafe. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. It's at the entrance of Granville Island. And the
Speaker:whole concept there, the reasoning is because I got really
Speaker:tired of being someone who had an eating disorder, of going places and, like, if
Speaker:I wanted something particular to eat, sort of being questioned about it, and I wanted
Speaker:to have a place where you could get whatever milk you
Speaker:wanted, and if you wanted, like, overnight oats, great. But
Speaker:if you wanted a croissant, great. Like, we wanted a place where you build community
Speaker:and you didn't ever have to feel like Your food choices were a problem.
Speaker:You know what? I love it. And I'm actually going to be in
Speaker:Vancouver soon, so if I have time, I'll have to come check it out. Yes,
Speaker:please let me know. Oh my gosh. Okay. So what
Speaker:I think is interesting is like you've been on this journey and you've come out
Speaker:and created these places, these opportunities, these
Speaker:organizations to support. But I know that it's a spectrum
Speaker:and you know, eating disorders start somewhere.
Speaker:And what are some things to look
Speaker:for at the beginning of an eating disorder where someone that
Speaker:doesn't know, like maybe they're listening to this and they don't know that they have
Speaker:an eating disorder. But. But they're starting to. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:One thing is like
Speaker:withdrawal, right? So withdrawal from like situations. Like
Speaker:so much of what we do, which is interesting is if you have ever had
Speaker:an eating disorder, you realize that a lot of what we do is centered around
Speaker:food, right? And so we go for coffee, we go for lunch, we go for,
Speaker:you know, you have a grab to bite to eat, you come over to someone
Speaker:else for dinner. And those situations can be
Speaker:insanely anxiety provoking and very
Speaker:triggering. And it's sort of like, well, what do we do if we're not eating?
Speaker:And so if you are either like someone who's observing
Speaker:somebody or you are yourself finding that you're in a situation where that's starting to
Speaker:become uncomfortable, that's something to note also.
Speaker:It start can start small but like the behaviors, right. Like for example, I don't
Speaker:own a scale in my house. I weigh myself when I have to weigh myself.
Speaker:But the obsessiveness around like the scale, like you're
Speaker:weighing yourself all the time. And that's measuring how you're show, like how you feel
Speaker:about yourself. Like you have a sense of worth and like what that number is.
Speaker:It's like I wake up, I hop on the scale. It's a good day because
Speaker:the scale says X. It's a bad day because the scale says this. And then
Speaker:the next step from that is like, oh, the scale said this. Well then I'm
Speaker:going to do this to fix it. Today I'm not eating lunch.
Speaker:Yeah. Or like today I'm skipping this meal.
Speaker:And you. It starts that way and it can seem sort of
Speaker:like like not a big deal until it's not.
Speaker:Because that's how it started for me. Right. And it gives you this sense of
Speaker:like. The best way I can describe it is it's like you get this like
Speaker:exhilarating feeling of Just like, wow, like, I can accomplish. I don't need
Speaker:to eat, and I can still accomplish. Like, I don't need to. Like, I can
Speaker:work out for three hours a day, and I can still thrive. But you. Without
Speaker:realizing that, like, you, like, inter. Like, all the internal things
Speaker:that are happening and that you're not showing up as, like, your best self,
Speaker:and then you start to partake in, like, rules that are like. Like
Speaker:measure. Like, obsessive measuring of things or like, I
Speaker:will eat this, but I won't eat this category, you know, and then. And then
Speaker:the voice kind of shows up, and it's like, you sound. You. You know, you're
Speaker:like, wow. I'm like, crazy. And I. Does anybody else have this extra voice
Speaker:in their head? Yeah. And that voice just starts to rule what you can do
Speaker:and can't. Can't do. And, you know, and looking in the mirror and seeing
Speaker:something, like, I always knew I was skinny, so I'm a little bit different in
Speaker:that, like, I looked at myself and I. So I wore, like, really baggy clothes
Speaker:to, like, cover it all up. But for some people, they look and they're just
Speaker:like, that's not what they see. And so it really helps if you have, like,
Speaker:a marker to be like, this is what I'm seeing. But I, you know, like,
Speaker:almost like a reality check of, like, well, that's not. Was actually reflective.
Speaker:And I went back and
Speaker:I actually. Because I'm sort of comfortable now posting
Speaker:photos, Progress photos of myself and stuff, but I. I went back
Speaker:and I pulled out some ones when I was really, really skinny, and I was
Speaker:like, whoa. I was like, no wonder my family was really
Speaker:concerned, you know, and it's like, you see that in a totally different way. And
Speaker:it's hard because we live in a culture that celebrates all of this stuff, right?
Speaker:Like, so how do you insulate yourself
Speaker:from, like, you know, I was part of a project, too, where it's great. Like,
Speaker:European. Europe has made some strides, and, like, the models have to be
Speaker:a certain bmi and, you know, like. And I think we're making great gains. Like,
Speaker:we've made a lot of changes, but we live in, like, this inundated world of,
Speaker:like, that tells us that if you are this weight and look this way, that
Speaker:you become successful. Right? So it's. It's tough. Yeah. Thank you for
Speaker:sharing that. And so I think as we wrap up, I just want to
Speaker:reiterate, like, if you or someone, you know,
Speaker:you think or you know, that they have an eating disorder and you were looking
Speaker:for resources and support. Project TRU is a good resource for
Speaker:you. I'll put the links in the show notes.
Speaker:And, like, your story is so, so harrowing. Like,
Speaker:the fact that you weren't able to, like, get, like, a deferral
Speaker:or whatnot from law school while in treatment. And,
Speaker:like, it just. You had so much on your plate,
Speaker:and you came out the other side. And I think it's like, one of those
Speaker:beacons of hope that there is life after
Speaker:being in such a dark place and that you
Speaker:can recover. And also. But also, you can die if you
Speaker:don't get help. Absolutely. You absolutely can. And so it's a very
Speaker:thin line. And it's like, I just don't want anybody, like, a message. It's like,
Speaker:don't give up on yourself. You are so worth it.
Speaker:Like, you are so worth it. I love that. I was just gonna say, do
Speaker:you have a piece of advice to share as we wrap up? But, like, that
Speaker:could be it. But also, if you have another piece of advice. Yeah. I
Speaker:mean, when you're in the. Like, when you're in the throes of it, it's just
Speaker:like, I remember one of the nurses that.
Speaker:That I connected with when I was at St Paul, she said to me, she's
Speaker:like, well, Angela, she's like, life is messy, but don't you want to join
Speaker:the messiness of life? And I'll never forget that.
Speaker:And she's so right. Because it is messy, and it's. You can't control a lot
Speaker:of things, but there's so many opportunities that you know
Speaker:you don't want to. And I know everyone says it's like, you don't want to
Speaker:be 80 years old sitting there thinking, you know, I should have ate that piece
Speaker:of birthday cake. I regret that I didn't, or I regret that I this. But
Speaker:really, you are worth it. And
Speaker:I. And I completely know the pain that you're in, and I
Speaker:know that you are not. Not trying to hurt yourself, that
Speaker:you really do not want to die. And at the same time, you're
Speaker:engaging in behaviors that seem opposite to that. So, please, you are worth
Speaker:it, and there is help for you, and reach out to me.
Speaker:Like, message me personally if that's what you're comfortable with. Like, I.
Speaker:I am not too busy to help you. No, you're not.
Speaker:And that's why you are an angel on earth. Thank you.
Speaker:You're absolutely amazing, and I really appreciate you. You
Speaker:shared your story in Resilient Stories of Resilience Volume 2.
Speaker:You know, you were on a billboard in Times Square. Is he very
Speaker:crazy? And you're just absolutely amazing. And I'm
Speaker:honored that you've taken the time to be a guest on our show. So thank
Speaker:you very much. Oh, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity, and thank you for
Speaker:everything that you're doing. Oh, thank you. Well, together we rise, together
Speaker:we heal. And together we walk through the mess. Right? Let's all be in the
Speaker:mess together. The messiness of life. And to those who've listened to
Speaker:this entire episode, thank you for spending time with Angela and myself.
Speaker:Remember, you are not alone. You don't have to navigate the hard stuff in life
Speaker:alone. Let us, our community, be that lighthouse in the store. Storm.
Speaker:Because you, my friends, are resilient. Af. Thank
Speaker:you.
