In this episode, we examine the belief many Christian women have absorbed about happiness and how it quietly influences marriage, motherhood, body image, career decisions, waiting seasons, and even spiritual life.

We explore:

1. How happiness becomes a decision filter
2. Common phrases that reveal deeper beliefs
3. What Scripture actually promises believers
4. The difference between emotional satisfaction and joy
5. Practical ways to shift your lens this week

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Hey there, welcome back. All right, so we're gonna dive in and I wanna start by just asking you to listen to these thoughts that I'm about to share and think about if any of these have crossed your mind. Have you ever said to yourself like, just wanna be happy. I'm not happy, something needs to change. Or maybe in your relationship, you've thought that God would not want me to feel this way. The way that you're feeling about your spouse right now, the way that you're feeling about change in your marriage, whether that is good or bad.

And then in parenting or motherhood, I felt this this morning. Sometimes you feel like this should feel a little bit more fulfilling. Like there are some days where I'm so grateful and other days I don't feel as fulfilled. And the other day I did lunch with a friend and she was telling me that she just doesn't feel fulfilled in her job anymore. And she just wants to do what makes her happy. She wants to try a new path that's gonna make her happy. So as you listen to those, you may have thought, yes.

I have said those things. I have thought those things. I still think those things. That is perfectly fine. Most women, most Christian women would never say that happiness is their God. But many of our decisions say otherwise. And so here's the question. Here's a real question. How do you know when happiness has quietly become your decision maker? How do you know when your beliefs about happiness, your beliefs about the signals or the

feelings that you follow or even the belief of what you feel like God may owe you in this season. How do you know when that happiness has quietly become the foundation of your decision making? So in today's episode, we're going to talk about that lie. I'm going to call it a lie. It's a lie that shapes how we think. It's a lie that shapes how we interpret feeling discomfort. It's a lie that we use to measure success and how we evaluate things. And sometimes

even how we evaluate whether something or a decision or a person or relationship is from God. I mean, it's called a happiness lie. I know it's hard to hear those two words, happiness and lie coexist in like the same phrase, but many women are very sincere in their faith and many Christian women, including myself, are still being shaped by this belief. And we don't even realize it. I think this lie impacts our marriage. It impacts motherhood. I've shared how

Some days I feel like motherhood is a blessing and other days I'm not as fulfilled from it. I think that this lie impacts how we see ourselves, how we see our bodies, how we see our worth. This lie affects decision making, especially with our careers and our callings. And it even affects our relationship with God. It affects our spiritual lives. So we're going to uncover this together. And by the end of this episode, I'm going to share scripture to see what God actually teaches us to pursue.

Instead of pursuing happiness, what should we be pursuing instead? And then as always, I love to share just practical ways that you, I, we can begin to start to shift our lens so that we start making decisions from a steadier foundation. And you can try this even today. You can try it this week. You can try it this month. Whatever it is, I want to set you up to win. Now, the Bible does not reject happiness outright.

I would say it's safe to say that the Bible does acknowledge the human desire for happiness. And scripture recognizes that people long for happiness. We long for blessings. We long for well-being. I think that desire in itself is not sinful. And so when I see these scriptures, I have come to a conclusion that God is not anti-joy. I don't think he's anti-pleasure. Well, it depends on what kind of pleasure. I don't think he's anti-enjoyment. I I read

scriptures and I think of the festivals and the worship and the celebration and you'll also see where the Bible connects happiness to blessings. Like in Psalms 1, happiness and blessedness is described as the result of a life that's rooted in God's ways. And we see this similarity in our culture today. Happiness is connected to a certain way of living. And this is where the paths immediately diverge.

I think the reason why we see happiness, see blessings in the Bible, but yet the happiness lie has become very toxic for Christian women. And that's because at its core, it sounds like, okay, God wants you to be happy. And if you're not happy, then something is wrong. Think about this. We apply this in our marriage. I have seen so many marriages go astray, so many divorces that are centered around, I wasn't happy.

I have ended relationships before I was married simply because I didn't feel happy with that person. Now, this has nothing to do with their character, has nothing to do with who they are. It had to do with a feeling that I had about the relationship. I think the reason why this has become very toxic because when you're single, if the mindset is I'm not happy, therefore I'm gonna find a new relationship, I'm not happy because of this, I'm not happy because of that.

Then when you get married, it's now, I'm not happy, so I'm going to get a divorce. We start to introduce words into our marriage. start to introduce thoughts into our marriage that are not centered around holiness. They're centered around happiness. It's centered around a feeling. If you're listening to this and there is tension going on in your marriage and you've thought, God wouldn't want me to stay unhappy, right? Or maybe you're thinking,

If I were in the right marriage, if I had married the right man, then I wouldn't feel so unfulfilled right now. And I want to be careful when I say this because by no means am I justifying any type of abuse that could happen in marriage and saying that it is okay to stay through that. What I am saying is that this lie makes feelings, the feeling of happiness, the primary indicator of covenant health.

See, God is more committed to our holiness than our happiness. And so when culture says that we deserve to be happy, the Bible says the opposite. It says that we are called to be faithful. We're called to be holy. And I know that if you're listening to this, this sounds like a harsh contrast because I'm not trying to paint marriage as something that we shouldn't desire to be fulfilled in. There's a difference between

being fulfilled in marriage and what fulfills you versus being happy in marriage. There are seasons that Alan and I have been so happy. And how do I know we're happy is because the expression that comes from that season. And even in those seasons, I'm reminded that the Bible never promises personal happiness as a guaranteed right. Nowhere, nowhere are we told, friend, that comfort and emotional fulfillment or even pain-free life is

the reward for following God and getting married. And I know that when you're single, you feel like I will be happier when I'm married. That's a natural feeling. That's okay if you desire to be fulfilled in marriage. Alan, my husband, waited 40 years to get married. We got married on his 40th birthday. And I can tell you that that day was probably one of the happiest days of his life.

And now we've been married 10 years and is that happiness still there? Yes. But at the same time, just because he waited 40 years to be married doesn't mean that everything that he is experiencing in marriage is supposed to make him happy. There are lots of things that he's experiencing in marriage that is actually making him holy. It's fine tuning him. It's growing his relationship with the Lord. It's

exposing areas that are easy to hide when you're single, but now in marriage you can't really hide from that. It sometimes can expose selfishness. And so I am sharing that because marriage is beautiful. It is a true covenant and it's a blessing from God. And while the world promises a lot of things like happiness and marriage, we're promised something deeper by being believers. We're promised God's presence. Hebrews 13 5 says that,

And Jesus echoes this in the gospels in Matthew 28 where he says, and behold, I am with you. He says, I'm with you always to the end of age. And so that means that even if you're going through these things, one thing that we are promised in marriage, in relationship is God's presence. His promise is not that every season is going to feel light or every season is going to feel happy, but his promise is that we will never walk through any season alone.

He also promises his faithfulness. God's faithfulness is so, so true. In Lamentations 322, it says that, steadfast, the steadfast love of God never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They're new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness. We've heard that verse. Second Thessalonians 3.3 says that the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and he will guard you.

Do you know what faithfulness means? Faithfulness means steadiness. It means that he's reliable. It means that he's consistent, even when our emotions may not be. And another thing that we are promised is ultimate restoration. Revelation 21, 4 says that he will wipe away every tear, not some tears, not the tears that we cry in our sleep or not the tears that we cry when no one's looking, but he will wipe away every tear.

and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore. None of this will exist in heaven. And as Christ followers, that is the ultimate goal. Christ will wipe away all of our tears, all the tears that we experience on earth. He hears them, he sees them. And when we meet him in heaven, there will be no more tears. These are the truths that we can hold on to, not the truth of happiness.

I've shared this before. I love my husband. He makes me happy. But I can't rely on him to make me happy. It's not his job to make me happy. The only way that I will truly be fulfilled, my happiness, my joy has to come from something outside of man. It has to come from something that cannot have a bad day. Because if they're having a bad day and I need to feel fulfilled and...

What's gonna happen? My happiness has to come from none other than the Lord. My happiness has to come from the Holy Spirit that lives in me. My happiness has to come from the joy that I know in being a believer that I am saved by grace. And that may not just make me feel happy, but it gives me peace. So we need to reframe that biblically and remember that marriage is a covenant where God forms us. He is shaping us. He is molding us.

And what that looks like, I think from a healthy standard is just distinguishing between unhappiness and unhealthiness. Like before you paint your spouse as the enemy, as the devil, just invite some curiosity to what God could be exposing, especially for you in this season. Maybe God has you in this season for a reason and asking what fruit might God be producing while you're here is a great question to ask.

And so I definitely don't want to minimize pain and my heart breaks for anyone who is really, really struggling with happiness right now, especially in their marriage. I just want you to evaluate this season and that unhappiness, not by your feelings, because that can change, but really by your faithfulness in God and what he is doing in your life. This shows up in friendships, too. mean, adult relationships are already hard to maintain and keep and grow and get.

And so if it takes a lot of hard work, I could see why it's just easy to be like, you know what? This relationship does not make me happy anymore. I don't know if it's worth keeping. But if you reframe that biblically, then a better approach would be that love matures through patience, matures through forgiveness, matures through humility. And that love in friendships or relationships is worth holding on to. It takes patience for those things to develop.

And so a healthy way to apply this is maybe allowing room for awkwardness and disappointment in friendships. I know that sounds weird, but as we grow and we evolve, friendships can become a little awkward. I know that when I got married, some of my friendships with my single friends did become a little awkward because I was so excited about marriage and it was hard because I had this awkward feeling like they don't want to hear this. know I didn't always want to hear it whenever I was single.

Another way that you can apply this is just practicing reconciliation before you completely withdraw from the friendship. Reconciliation is hard. I'm not even going to paint that, that it's easy to reconcile with any relationship, whether it's your parents, it's a friend, it's a coworker. It just takes a lot of emotional strength. But if that relationship is important, then

I think choosing commitment over the convenience of like doing the hard things is well, well worth it. And so before you walk away, I just want you to ask yourself, are you walking away to protect your comfort? Are you walking away to protect your happiness or are you honoring God? So the next lie that I want to call out about happiness that I don't think is really helping women, definitely not helping us win.

And that is this happiness lie trains people, especially women, to not trust being uncomfortable. In other words, the happiness lie teaches women that discomfort is a signal to lead and lead quickly or change directions or pivot or blame. mean, there were seasons where I had a job that I prayed for, a job that I would have done anything.

prior to getting that job just to say, I finally have a job. And then the minute that that job didn't serve me anymore, I felt uncomfortable or I was being stretched by my boss or I was being critiqued or I had a bad employee review. I just was ready to leave. So there is something with this happiness lie that anytime there is discomfort, then it equals failure. It's not.

Sitting with discomfort and understanding. Okay god is this a season that you're stretching me, but we immediately go to discomfort means failure that's why we've just got to be careful with striving for happiness because We can abandon our calling we can abandon something that god called us to do we can abandon a season that god called us to faithfully walk through because we're uncomfortable Maybe god has called you to shit from whatever education your kids are currently having to homeschooling but you don't even want to entertain it because

be hard. Or maybe God has called you to step into ministry or a certain type of ministry or to do work that is going to be uncomfortable. Not physically uncomfortable, but just maybe spiritually uncomfortable. It's going to stretch you. Maybe God is asking you to rethink some of your thoughts, your values, how you vote, ideas that we've held onto because we don't want to be uncomfortable.

I felt that way when I was doing some ministries like parking lot ministry, even some children's ministries. I was like, man, this, is not for me. And so the question I want you to ask yourself if you're navigating this is that are you measuring this season by your emotional reward or your eternal value? This season, our kids have a lot of questions they're asking a lot of questions. Honestly, I don't remember asking my mom the type of questions that our kids ask us. And once again, there's seven and eight.

And there are some times where emotionally I just don't have the bandwidth, but the eternal value is one, my presence. And it's also searching deep for those answers and knowing that God didn't really call me to be the perfect parent. He just really called me to rely on him. That's the eternal value that our kids will see. They will see mommy dying to her flesh every day, every opportunity that I get. They will see mommy wrestle and struggle and not know what to do.

and know that she doesn't have to be perfect, that I don't have to be perfect, that you don't have to be perfect. All we have to do is trust a perfect God. James writes about joy in the midst of trials. Paul speaks about rejoicing even while he was imprisoned. Jesus speaks about the blessing and persecution. A lot of you know that I am walking in a season of where I questioned God about the prayers that he hasn't answered for me yet.

What if he has answered it? And I'm just not content with that answer. See, this is where this happiness lie wrecks our spiritual relationship with God. I am guilty of seeking God for relief. I'm guilty for seeking God for ease and to not have to feel this way anymore. And so because I don't want to feel this sadness anymore, God, will you please answer my prayer? I'm guilty of the emotional instability.

of when I bring my prayers to God, very selfish prayers to Him. But I have been convicted so much in this area to understand that I need to still worship God in the midst of my grief and my pain. I need to still trust God in the midst of this season. And I need to understand that transformation can still happen even in my heart in the middle of this season. I want you to think about the prayers that you have prayed. And if happiness is

the underlying theme of those prayers. God, will you answer this prayer because I want to be more happy. I want to feel happy in this area. If you have, that's okay. But this is where I'm also sharing that that is also an unhealthy expectation. And so where all this connects, and I'm going to now share some practical and biblical ways that you can shift your focus and apply to different areas of your life. So when it comes to how you look,

and your body image and your appearance. If you feel like I'm not happy, therefore I need to fix it, just reframe that instead. Look at your body as being a temple, steward it like it's a temple. In marriage, we can think that if I'm not happy, then something's wrong in my marriage. But I want to encourage you to reframe that, to shift that perspective and look at marriage and how it's a covenant where God is forming you. In motherhood, a way to reframe the feeling of discomfort

is just understanding that you're calling, whether it is to be a mom or to be a parent or a co-parent or a step-parent, two things can be true. It can stress you out, but it can also be part of a very fulfilling legacy that will impact generations to come. If you're single or if you're in a waiting season, it's easy to think that happiness is on hold or you'll be happy when you get married. You'll be happy when you get in a relationship. I want you to reframe that thought, that perspective and shift it biblically and know that

God is present and He still has purpose for you, even in this season of waiting. And then finally in our spiritual life, this is the one that I think the enemy really has a field day with us and that is God wants me to be happy. being faithful does not mean that the result will be happiness. I am not always happy in this season, especially when I think of what my heart truly desires when it comes to growing my family.

But I want to stay faithful to God. know that he is sovereign and I know that that will be fruitful. So the question I have to ask myself, the question that you may want to ask yourself when it comes to just growing spiritually and understanding that your growth doesn't give God a pass to grant you happiness. But know that if you aren't happy in this season, then trusting that God, the perfect God, the perfect Lord, Jesus Christ, he is still there.

He has never left your side and trusting him even when it feels uncomfortable. And so as we close, want to remind you that yes, while the Bible acknowledges the human desire of happiness, it rejects that happiness should be your guide. It should be your decision maker. While the Bible does promise joy, promises joy through Christ and Christ alone, not through things, not through material things. The Bible never promises comfort as a proof of faith.

Jesus didn't say, follow me and you will be happy. man, he said the complete opposite. And so I'd love to pray for us as we go about our week, as we go about our day and just invite God into our desires. Dear Lord, many of us are tired from trying to manage this happiness thing on our own. He just had to trust you in this season, especially in the seasons that don't sparkle and have all the

glitz and glam. Help us to believe that you are near. You promise us that you will never leave us. You will never forsake us. And even when life feels heavy, Lord, just remind us of your presence. We release the need, Lord. I release the need to feel okay all the time. To feel happy all the time.

And instead, ask Lord for faith and to walk with you as you lead us, as you lead my family, as you lead the women and the person who's listening to this right now, Lord. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

This may have been very convicting episode for you, it surely convicted me because I'm not going to lie, even as of this morning, I fell into this trap of the happiness lie. And so write these truths down, hold them near and dear to your heart, surrender them to God so that you don't fall for the happiness trap that the enemy would love nothing more than for you to fall for. Thank you for listening, share this with a friend and go win this week and make God proud. Bye for now.