If you want to bring new energy and purpose into your work life, this episode is for you.

In the latest episode of the Happier at Work podcast I had an insightful conversation with the inspiring Will Polston. He shared invaluable wisdom on reclaiming personal power and transforming your perspective on work and success.

We delved into shifting mindsets, discovering values, and creating lasting habits. Will shares his wisdom on finding purpose, taking action, and embracing the journey. Will encourages us to focus on the process, detach from outcomes, and prioritise habits over goals to achieve substantial success.

Will’s insights and experiences will resonate with anyone seeking purpose, fulfilment, and happiness in their work life. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a business owner, or someone on a personal development journey, this episode offers valuable guidance to drive positive change.

The main points throughout this podcast include:

• Shifting language from "I have to" to "I choose to" to regain inner power and change your perspective.
• Discovering your North Star, a goal so big that it's never truly achieved, to stay focused on the journey and detach from the outcome.
• Understanding the concept of end values and means values to live in accordance with your own values and find inspiration from within.
• Embracing the journey and focusing on the process as essential for achieving substantial goals.

Connect with Will

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willpolston/

Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/will.polston

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/willpolstonmih/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/makeithappencommunity/

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/c/WillPolstonMakeItHappen

TEDx talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEHlSiFxmBI&t

Website: willpolston.com

Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/mihwwp

Book: http://northstarthinking.com/

Do you have any feedback or thoughts on this discussion? If so, please connect with Aoife via the links below and let her know. Aoife would love to hear from you!

Connect with Happier at Work host Aoife O’Brien:

Website: https://happieratwork.ie 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aoifemobrien/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happieratwork.ie/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/happieratwork.ie

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HappierAtWorkHQ

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HappierAtWorkHQ 

Will, you're so welcome to the Happier at Work podcast. I know we've been talking about doing this recording for a while, so I'm so delighted to have you as my guest. Do you wanna let listeners know a little bit about your background and what brought you to where you are today?

Yeah. Absolutely. So, From from the moment I was in the womb, I knew I wanted to be a coach. No. Absolute. Not not true whatsoever. You know, I not not sure whatsoever. So, yeah, I, so the the short version, I suppose, of of kind of where where I was at was, I I grew up with a belief that money would happiness, And I went off on a tangent to make as much money as I could as early as I could have become pretty good at that.

As part of that process, I stumbled across personal development. The more personal development I did, the more money I made, and then that just went on for some some years. And then, 11 years ago, I I went to an event and had what I call my life. My my lightning moment, which was a life changing moment. Cried my eyes out for about 15 minutes, because in that moment, I realized my real driver was nothing to do with money. It never really been about money. What it was really about was my dad, Now my dad hadn't achieved certain things he was capable of and the impact that had on him and my mom and me and my family and a whole host of other people. And I just vowed from that moment.

I don't want anyone else to have through the suffering that he went through and we went through as a result of them not achieving their full potential. So from that moment on, I've just been obsessed with With anything to do with human awareness, human potential, human behavior to enable people to achieve what it is they're capable of. Been in the the sort of coaching space now for for For 8 or 9 years. And, and and and, yeah, I just I'm I'm an obsessive learner and, like, taking complex things simplifying them down, and then, that led to my my book, North Star Thinking, Mash Your Mind, Set, and Live A Life You Love Coming Out, which is is sort of a A condensation of all of those elements, to to kinda give people a a bit of an insight.

I I think the first thing, Will, that strikes me is the idea that you got into personal development, but it was kind of to your own gain. Let's say you were like, oh, I'm gonna focus on this. Oh, this is making me more money and and just going straight for the money. And I think a lot of people go through that journey. They're like, oh, this this actually works. But then you realize, well, what What what am I really here for and what is here beyond money? I love that as a driver that it you could see that your dad wasn't meeting his Angel. And that had an impact on so many other people, you know, in in your life, especially. And I suppose for me, it's I got into personal development maybe 10 or 11 years ago and eased myself in gently learning more and more about what's going on.

And a big thing that I found is You can know all of this stuff, but any thoughts on how to apply it? So you can read all of these Books and know what it is that you're supposed to be doing. But any thoughts on, like, well, how do we move from the knowing into the actually applying and doing?

Yeah. I I suppose the, the the the starting point is is is very simple. Has the gap closed? Because you can learn lots of things, and you can become more knowledgeable. But knowledge without action is like, what's the point? You know? So the the the what what's See, what's the action? And if that gap isn't closing, then learning's not gonna Learning more is not gonna help. You know? I it's about knowledge, action. Knowledge, action. Knowledge, action. Knowledge, action.

And so many people have got knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, and they've got all of these. And what happens is the more that that you learn, the more of an imposter you would become because, like, you haven't actually taken action on What what happens I mean, I remember working with a guy 7 years or so ago now, and he was a he was a property investor. It's been £42,000 over a 5 year period on his property education Mhmm. And did nothing. I had no property in 5 years because he was all I need to know. No. I'm not good enough here. I need to learn more.

You know? Okay. When when I'm ready, you know, and Yeah. And and and and We we start. That's that's really what it's about no matter how small we start. Now that said, I was that guy. I was exactly that guy. So, I I talked to the real short version a moment ago, but, what what actually happened was I had that big big Lightning moment. And at the time I was working in in London, I was running division running a division of a stock brokerage.

And then I, I thought, well, I I I need to leave, and what I really wanted to do was some sort of coaching. But I thought, well, I'll well, I'll do that when I'm successful. Now I'll quit when then syndrome. When this happens, then that happens. When I'm successful. So I I left that, and I I I set up a renewable energy business. And we grew that. It was growing rapidly, and we we we had 85 staff growing, growing, growing, and then bang.

Government Changed legislation, killed that business overnight. And I went on holiday, at at the time, and it just dawned on me. Will, you You you you're just chasing the money again. Like, why don't you just start now? And I read a book, called, The The hero by Rhonda Byrne. She a lot of people know she wrote the book, the secret, and produced the film, the secret. And it spoke about a guy called Mastin Kipp, And, Mastin used to post a motivational quote on Twitter every day. He had about a a 1000 followers. And then one day, he got retweeted by Kim Kardashian, And he went from a 1000 followers to 10,000 followers overnight.

I just started crying. I was like, that's all I need to. I just need to start. If I wanna help people, just start, Will.

Yeah. So I

literally come back from Holiday, I started posting a quote a day on social media after a week. I thought, well, some people don't go on social media in the morning. Post 1 in the afternoon as well, so I was doing 2 a day. A week later, I, I set up a basic website for myself. A week after that, I wrote my 1st blog, But that was well, we're not 3 months later out of 10,000 strong social media following in the 4th month. I ran my first 4 events. Yes. And it just compounded from that, but that it didn't come from reading any more books or doing any more courses.

It came from the action

Yeah. Yeah.

Of that process.

And I think I think we delude ourselves. So there's a few things I want to pick up on there. This idea that we have to feel like we're an expert or Berta. We have to feel ready before we get started. And the idea is you can start before you're ready. You're never gonna feel fully ready. You're always gonna see other people who you think are ahead of you, and I'm putting that kind of in in air quotes. But there is this imposter type called the expert.

And the expert, You'll see them doing courses and programs all the time because they want to stay ahead, and they're consuming content all the time rather than sharing content rather than putting themselves out there. So I love that as a lesson that it's you just need to to get started wherever you are and keep going. And I think the more you do that, you're probably and, you know, I I I'm speaking from my own experience rather than kind of making assumptions about you, Will. But you might be replicating maybe what other people are doing to start because you haven't found your own voice yet. But the more you do it, I think the more authentic you get in doing and and the kind of the core of what it is that you want to say really shines through. So I love that as an approach. You also brought up this idea of the when I'm successful, then I can to that. So we're kind of deferring our happiness.

We're deferring our our perception of ourselves until something happens. That's something that I'm really becoming a lot more interested today in recently because we all have a tendency to do that. I'll be happy when I lose weight. I meet a partner. I insert whatever it is that you want to achieve. I got the new job. I got the promotion. I, you know, whatever it might be, we always defer our happiness to when it when sometime in the future, rather than being happy in the present and kind of focusing on on the now and enjoying the journey, Much as some people don't like that word, it's like, oh, it's like going on a journey.

It's like you're never gonna reach any destination, so the entirety of life is a journey.

Yeah. It's it's so true. And and to to answer your point about the the the starting bit, it was exactly I mean, I literally posted Quotes of other people.

Yeah. So did I. Yeah.

Yeah. Every day, twice a day for years. Years years, I did it, but it got me started. You know? Yeah. It got me started, and and and it it kinda built on. And I think that the days of of of, an an Instagram post just just having a quote of it that that doesn't kinda do much anymore, but He he he did enable me to get going, and and, I think you're you're you're absolutely right. You're better to start than not.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just get going. And then you start to find your own voice. You start to find your own authenticity, I think, afterwards. I love the name of the book. Can we come back to the book for a second?

Yeah. Of course.

So this idea of North Star, what is North Star? Like, what does that mean to you?

So for for me, it's, there's a famous story. You've you've probably heard of it. Involves a baby born in December in a stable a couple of 1000 years ago, and then with 3 men supposedly wise all carrying presents. And, What what happened was one day it dawned on me. Right? Well, this is this famous story, and and just for clarity, I'm not religious. Not I've got anything against other people that religious, but That that's kinda not my stance, but there was just this this it it just the penny drop for me was one of the most famous stories ever told. It was about these guys that followed this North Star, and And they achieved their goal. Right? And their goal was finding this baby, but they never went to the North Star.

Or if they did, I never read that part of the story. Right? And, and and that for me was what it was really about is I I had done for myself Spent so long going through, like, having the WEN's syndrome WEN then syndrome. Set a short term goal, achieve it. Set another one, achieve it. Set another one, achieve it. You're just pinballing around. But my my whole point of an all star is having a goal in life that's so big you never achieve it. Why? Because then you can detach from the outcome, and you can focus on the process

instead. I I just love that as a as a concept. So what would you say is your North Star?

To empower people to transform excuses into results and live a life they love.

Yeah. And so that is and again, this is something I'm becoming increasingly interested in or have become aware of over the last number of years. The idea of it's not about the goals. It's more about the habits. So what are you doing every day to realize that? And therefore, you're kind of achieve if you if you call the habits the goals, you're achieving your goals every day, essentially.

Yeah. I look. I I think that any goal that anyone ever sets is to change the way they feel.

Mhmm.

And the reality of what people need to do, It's look. We're human beings. Right? And we're not human doings. And I believe that any worthy endeavor Evolves you as a person, and it's about who you become as part of that process.

I love that. I love that. And, again, it's this process. It's this journey as opposed to Finally getting to a destination, finally feeling happy, or finally feeling however it is. I think most people. Dare I say, that's what they want to feel. They want to feel good emotions. They don't want to wake up and and be sad and feel guilty or disappointed or whatever Might be.

But I love the concept of your inner driver is to change how you feel. So can you talk to me a little bit about the the journey that you took how are you feeling and then how you went about transforming that?

Yeah. So a really good question. I think any emotion, Negative or positive is a signal to think or act differently. That's it. And Most people aren't aware of of that is the role of an emotion. And, obviously, with self awareness and self reflection, we have an ability to have an understanding of of what's really going on, and I I I I believe that so many people are living their life incongruently, and they're living their life incongruently because they haven't been taught another way of living. So if if if you look at the majority of the population, the majority of the population are not living their life. They're living somebody else's life.

Somebody else that had a vision for them, a preconceived idea of what their life should be like, Which are essentially other people's values, and the value is a priority. And those values were injected or projected into them from an authority figure that could have been a parent, an aunt, a Grandparent, it could have been a school teacher. It could have been society, and people living that way rather than their own way. And it's only when we get Truly clear on what it is that we we really want, and we we we take control of how we what what our what we truly value, and we live in accordance to that, But we have an ability to live in inspiration. So the difference between inspiration and motivation, motivation is external. You'll constantly You need external motivation. And one of the ways that I know if people are living their values or somebody else's from the language they're using. So if they're lang using language like I have to.

I need to. I ought to. I should. That's an indication they live in somebody else's values. When they live in their own values, They're using language like I love to. I desire to. You know? I'd, I I, yeah, I I love to. I want to.

Whereas The great thing about that is that when you're in inspiration, it seems like it comes from within. You know? Inspiration. In Spirit. What's another word for spirit? Energy. You're in your energy. So people think they burn out because they're working too hard. They don't. They burn out because they're not spending enough time doing stuff that they love doing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Totally agree. Totally agree. I on that note, on the I have to I should, I must. I am a big believer in that and shifting that language.

So rather than saying I have to, shift the language to I choose too. So if you find yourself in circumstances that are not conducive to achieving what it is that you want to achieve, it's I'm choosing to stay here to Support my family to whatever it is rather than saying, I have to stay in this job that I really hate because and you're blaming external circumstances essentially. So if you take back the power internally, I think it's a huge, it's a huge shift. I'd never heard before that distinction of Shifting the language or sorry. At least recognizing the language when when you say the difference between I have to versus I love doing x, y, zed. It was just not something I was aware of before. And I'm like I'm like, oh, I hope I'm saying I'd love to do these things rather than I have to do these things now. So absolutely love that.

And people living in congruently. One thing that I was gonna say is, yeah, like, society, I think, at large, Values certain things, and we see what other people are doing. We aspire to that. We might get jealous or we might get envious, And then we want to replicate what they're doing. And I think oftentimes, we arrive at where where we think we want it to be, and We're looking around going, this doesn't really feel like I thought it would feel. I thought it would feel differently. I thought I would feel differently. I thought I would feel better for whatever reason.

And so I think that happens a lot. Any any sort of examples to share around that where that happens?

Yeah. I mean, I I work with a lot of business owners, and the one of the things that I I see happen over and over again is when people achieve their goals. So for example, for a lot of business owners, they have a a plan. It could be a 5 year plan, a 10 year plan, or have a plan. And their goal is to, exit the business. You know? Sell the business, let's say. And they have a big liquidity event, and a load of cash the account and and and whatever. And within the the the the following months, they're depressed.

Mhmm.

And they're they're depressed because or they're having feelings of Depression, if I if I'm gonna sort of get really, really particular on it, because I don't believe that anybody has depression, they have feelings of depression, is that it's because all of a sudden, They had an ideal of how they would like their life to be, which was this big fantasy. I'm a sell the business. I'm a feel amazing. I'm I'm gonna wake up every day looking forward to just Doing nothing, you know, and and being able to have full freedom of my day. And if I wanna go to the beach, go to the beach. If I wanna go on holiday, on holiday, only To realize that that's it's not what they thought it would be. Mhmm. People have feelings of depression when they're comparing a fantasy to a reality.

And this the the bigger the gap, the The bigger the feelings of depression.

Yeah. And is that to do with like, what springs to my mind in that situation is On the one hand, it's the expectations, what we expected something to be like versus the reality of what it actually is. And I think it applies in a a lot of different context and a lot of different circumstances where we expect one thing. And that is the one of the big drivers. I love that That that distinction of being depressed versus feeling feelings of depression. I love that distinction that you've made. The the other thing that struck me as well as you were talking was when someone sells their business And they have all of this free time, and they've got loads of money. Is it the sense of purpose maybe that's missing from that? That they don't really have anything to too with their time anymore.

And and they're they're kind of missing that the process or The the kind of once the goal is attained, then it's like, okay. So what do I do now? And what do I aim for? And there may be a little bit aimless.

With without a doubt, it's it's exactly that. Let let let's face it. The majority of the population are still conditioned to operate In accordance to the industrial age. You know? You're gonna start work. You're gonna work for 50 years, and then you're gonna retire, and then you get to do what you want. Right?

Mhmm.

And and and and that whole that everything was designed in alignment. Even the whole schooling system, you know. I mean, let let's not go down that rabbit hole, but Yeah. Yeah. It's a whole other podcast. Yeah. It it is indeed. But it was designed for that time, in in in in In in the way that we operated on the planet, we're in a different time now.

And I think that, Yeah. People peep people people do exactly that. You know? People, they learn, they earn, then they earn. And I I think that I mean, how many people do we know? I mean, not personally, but know of that spent their whole life working. They get to 65. They retire. And in the space of a year or two, Their health deteriorates, and then they die. Yeah.

You know? Well, it's because they've not got their purpose, and and Then you take on the other hand, the the Japanese. You know, there's there's a little island off of Japan called Okinawa, And they've got more centurions than anywhere else on the planet. Yeah. Why? Well, all other things being equal, diet and exercise and whatnot, they live by a concept called a Nikigai, Which is a reason for being. And a Nikki guy is made up of 4 components, and it's kind of the cross section of the 4, which is what do you love, what are you good at, what does the world need, and what can be paid for. And you've got these 100 year old people still working, but they're not working because people oh my god. They're a 100. They're still working.

What a sad life to live, you know? But they're loving what they're doing every day. They're socializing there. They're in in and around. But I just I I'm I'm quite, Funny with language. Right? Even dabbling down that that the specific wording. You know? I love to learn the etymology of certain words where the root origin of them, But take the word retire, you know? Yeah. Why the hell do I wanna get more and more tired every day? Retire. Retire.

None. I just that that is not for me.

Yeah. Side note on the retire. I did, I saw a meme there a few few few months ago. It might have been last year sometime. And they said, They're like, oh, I've I'm retired. And then, yeah, the next slide was something like, yeah, I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today. So I just love that as a concept. But brilliant.

So this this idea of purpose being really, really important for, like, the underlying. And I love the idea. Like, I don't ever see myself retiring. For me, I want to do something that I enjoy so much that I want to continue doing it. I might work fewer hours, but I want to continue doing what it is and contributing and having an impact on the world that I want to have. Whereas I think, like you say, the majority of the population have this mentality that I'm gonna be happy when I retire, you know, and retirement might still be 20 or 30 years away. But you're kinda working and saving. I took a slightly different route in that I Spent about two and a half years traveling solo around the world at various different times.

And people thought I was They're like, no one's seen a 29 year old backpacker. Why why are you going backpacking? I was like, as if I 29 was too old. You know, I've kinda missed the boat on that because I'm not in my Early twenties or late teens anymore. But coming back to to this idea of purpose, how do you think People can tap into that a little bit more and find their purpose.

I don't believe anybody finds a purpose.

Okay.

I I don't believe people find I peep I believe people create it.

Okay.

So, that and I think that's where a lot of people are, alright. Well, I'm gonna be traveling around the world to find my Purpose. Well, you're gonna be traveling a long time. You know? So it's it it it's about creating it, and, well, how how do you create See, there's a there's a few different techniques that I will use with people, and and normally, we we tap into it. So there's there's a difference between having an all star for me, which the mission and then the purpose, which is the why. Yeah. And so if we we're gonna talk about the purpose specifically. So one of the exercises that I get people to do, it's a very The exercise is, they they get a pen and paper.

They draw out a bar graph. So they've got an x axis and a y axis. The the axis at the bottom It's time from the moment they were born until now, and, the the the access up the side is sort of positive 10. In the middle is 0, and it kinda goes 10, 9, 7, 8, 21, and then it's minus 1 down to minus 10. And they just plot their Their perception of life in according to experience. So their lowest lows, their highest highs, and they plot it. And then what we do is we we look at the lowest lows, and they're, oh, what's the correlation here To the highest highs. Because in my experience, every lowest low is directly correlated to the highest high.

And The great thing if if most recently that in in the most recent times, any Bluetooth distances that chooses to do that exercise, and and they're in a real low right now, so they're at minus 10 or whatever the the the low might be for them. The great news is is that it means that, a new high is on the way.

Yeah. Yeah. And Things can only go up from here.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. So so it's it's it's it's being aware of that and also, it's making that correlation. So for me, I I was living, for for many, many years just making the money and doing it. Until that Day, I had that realization. Wow. Yeah.

The lowest moment that I can remember was being 10 or 11 years old, and when everything went Wrong with money, and it was a real nightmare. I was arguing and all all this stuff, and it was like, life changes. I knew it. And I was like, I don't want people to go through that suffering. And that was it. And I just I I knew. But for me, I I I Stumbled across it.

Mhmm.

But now it's like we can scientifically work it out. And what I mean by scientifically is, But the the process, there's not a person on the planet that I haven't been able to to to crack it with. Not that I've Worked with all 8,000,000,000 people yet, but, the but but the the people yeah. Exactly. But but but it is, and and and It's it's just a case of asking some of those questions, but that's one of the ways of doing it. And and and and we should look for patterns because that's really what I've done. I have all the people I've worked with over the is I should look for the patterns. And human beings, whilst we we might think that we're complex, you know, there's only so many problems that you can have personally or professionally or Professionally or financially, and then it's just the pattern.

And as you said before, the habit. You know? What what's the activity that we're doing that's Preceding that event consciously or unconsciously, and that's the key part. I think there's a lot of people that are running unconsciously, and they don't realize their pattern they're they're they're they're running those patterns until The light shone on it, and then they go, wow. Where did that come from? So I'll give you an example. So for as long as I can remember, We know know when people well, maybe people don't say it to you, but when when when I was a a young lad growing up, people often say, so what's your type, Well, what's your time play in terms of the, the the the the the other, of of what I sort of fancied, I suppose. Are you a boobs guy? Are you a bum guy? Yeah. No. I'm I'm I'm eyes and smile, actually.

You know? Yeah. Big blue eyes and a nice smile and and and, yeah, that that's it for me. And and I thought that was my thing. And then one day, this is probably 7 years ago, 6 years ago, it just dawned on me. It's like, oh my god. Oh my god. I I I remembered, and what I remembered so the the the pattern that I would run-in relationships would be that I would be with an amazing girl. Normally, big beautiful eyes, big beautiful smile, and I would screw it up in one way or another.

Or, I would be with a girl. Beautiful eyes. Beautiful smile. But, like, I just had to get away from them. They they was That it was not right, you know, and and the the term that I would probably have used back then was they're a little bit crazy, You know? And and then when we're great to see. Right? So that that was for me. And then it dawned on me what happened was when I was about 6 years old. The love of my life at 6 years old, Kelly McCormack.

She was an Australian, and, yes, I've tried to find her on Facebook, and Can't find us. So, Kelly, if you're listening to this, let me know. But, no, Kelly McElroy is about 6 years old, sort of person you walk around the playground holding hands with and and whatnot. She was in straight and and one day she just left. And, and and I I I'm I'm guessing. Her parents Must've been, like, contractors over here or whatever. One day, she just moved back to Australia. And and what had happened was that 6 year old me was hurt so bad The what I did was that if I found the the the the version, okay, the big beautiful eyes, big beautiful smile, was that I would pick the person that I knew I wouldn't be with long term so I didn't get hurt, or I would screw the relationship up so I didn't get hurt.

And that was the pattern that I was running unconsciously for 20 years.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think when you talk about patterns, like, I. For me, it's the same stuff keeps happening again and again, and it kinda gets progressively worse as time goes on. It's And, you know, when I first started learning about this stuff, it was like, these are the let that's here for a lesson. And if you don't address it now, it's just gonna Escalate It was. Until it really smacks you in the face, basically.

Well, have have you heard of the the feather, the brick, and the bus?

No. I haven't.

So so the the I mean, it's it's it's only 2 come out hitting you in the face. So the the, the the the idea is that At any given time, the universe, if you wanna call it that, for some people's god, whatever it might be, will will give you a lesson. The 1st lesson, they'll they'll to To course correct you will be a feather. So it'll just tickle you a little bit. If you ignore the feather, you'll get a brick in the face. Yeah. If you ignore the brick in the face, you get the bus. It's raining by the bus.

The bus. Well

Or is

that the real wake up call?

That's that's The end. Exactly. That's the real wake up call. So it's like, are are you listening? Yeah. Which comes back to the whole living congruently thing. And and I think living congruently is by being aware of Our emotions, you know, they're they're there to give us our intuition. I think that for me, emotions are just a label we put on a feeling. And, look, I'll be the first to admit.

I've been a very heady person over the years, you know, whereas, like, that that's the tip of the iceberg. We've got a whole body, and and for us to embody things at a cellular level, and I know there's a lot more research these days coming out about the gut brain and you your head, your heart, and your gut, and What should you be doing, and what should you be listening to? And I I think that you shouldn't just listen to your body personally. I think that it's a combination of of of all 3. And Yeah. I, when when your head, your heart, and your gut sorry. When you're living Congruently to your values, your head and your heart and your gut will say the same thing.

Yeah. I love that. And values is something again that Had you asked me 6 years ago, I'd be like, I have no idea what my values are. I know what the company values are, where I work. Those values don't resonate because they're not being lived in the organization. We're not seeing it's one of the the one I always think of It's simple. They talked about the value of being simple, and it was the most bureaucratic organization I'd ever worked in. If you wanted to send out a marketing email, you had Get approval from 1 of 2 people in the States.

So they're representing the entire global organization for approvals to send out A local email to local clients. So, I mean, it was anything but simple. But I went on to do a master's then in organizational behavior, and this concept The values came up again. And I was like, oh, maybe there's something behind this. I you know, I'm really interested. So do you have any thoughts on how can people Uncover what their values are or kind of shift away from societal values or values that they see in in There are people or values that have maybe been imposed on them by by their caregivers, by their relations.

I So you do. And it's something it's a it's a big chapter in the book because I was the same as you. I Hearing values everywhere, and

Yeah.

It for me, it was all too ambiguous. Right? And and and I haven't worked in big corporate, but, Like, everybody says the same thing. Oh, yeah. These things that are on the wall that we review once every 3 years or whatever it is, and and there's some photos of them, I think, in reception maybe. It's not one of those sort of But, so so I one of my big things is taking complex stuff and making it simple Yeah. So that it is kinda universal It can be universally applied. And the as time went on, I I I made some distinctions around values that I think people might Find helpful, which are these? So, first of all, you've you've got, what I call end values. So end values, are things that you move towards or away from, and that's typically feelings.

So I wanna move towards connection, for example, is is is just one example, and I wanna move away from, people might say guilt. Let's say, I hate feeling guilty. It's only me away from that. But then the the then you have your means values. So the means are the is is Kind of the the context of of which the end values are achieved or avoided. And those means values are, based on a process, I'll I'll explain in a minute. But for example, the means values is the thing that you do. So most people, when they refer to values, they will talk about sort of Societal ideals.

So those things oh, yeah. I I value integrity, and I value loyalty, and I value, peace. Right. Which are bollocks, because the the the reality of it is when you're in a situation that That can't happen. You're willing to breach those things.

Yeah.

And the situation is what the means values are. Alright. So that's that's that's where we break down.

Contextual. Is that

Exactly. Exactly. It's contextual. So so

I'm happy to take money If it means going against the company values or if it's something a bit dodgy or moo like, again, thinking back to my corporate days, move like, one thing that What's done regularly was moving money from January 2024, as an example, into December 2023. So we hit our q four goals, and we hit our year end goals.

Exactly. Right. And and and also but then then you look at some other situations, you know, like, oh, yeah. I'd never steal money. Alright. Okay. Well, If if all of a sudden you found yourself in a situation where you were starving, you were homeless, and whatever else, and it's okay, like, then would you do it? Oh, well, we would do that's different. Or what is it different? And that's then that's the so it it becomes a very interesting conversation, but the the the the point being is that So you could have 2 people, that both value connection, but 1 person values connection with their friends and another person values connection with their family.

So it's the thing that they're doing whereas Yeah. Then you but but then the person that values friendship with their family, they It's it's not that they like being around people. It's who they're around, you know. So Yeah. It's not the connection, but I remember I remember when I was a kid, I was very fortunate for the majority of my childhood. We we went on holiday every year, and the 6 weeks holiday, I used to see that this holiday in my family is this massive Inconvenience that stopped me from being able to hang out with my friends for the full 6 weeks, you know, and it's which well, I mean, talk talk about a a Such a I mean, I was very young, but I was super privileged to go on holiday, but I didn't see it as that. I was like, yeah, but I wanna be with my friends. Why why do I have to come on holiday with the family and hang around with my My brother and sister that are 3 years younger than me, which obviously when you're a kid, 3 years Huge.

Is like a huge gap. So now I'm not hanging around with them, and my my sister is 10 years younger than me. No. I'm cool. I wanna skateboard. They can't even ride a bike. You know? It's like and and it's it's that kind of thing. So, and how do you do it? Well, look, the the best way that I've come across finding means values is the the Demartini value determination process.

It's free. Go to doctor demartini.com. You can do it. There's 13 questions, but I've I've refined that into a real quick way of doing it with people, Which is, looking at 4 things. So the the the acronym STEM, s t e m, is looking at your space. So if you walked into my office, those of you that is is this going out on on YouTube as well? We can notice the video kind of okay. Great. So people are watching the YouTube, you can see, that the People that, you're just gonna have to take my word for it.

But if you look behind me, there's, like, there's trophies, and there's books, And there's there's very thing in front of me. I've got a lot more books and there's some the the the certificates and and and and and whatnot and awards. And so you could walk into my environment and and and you look on I've got a big whiteboard there with a lot of goals on the walls. You walk in instantly just by being invite in my environment, You can get a sense of who I am, not even just the books. You know? You look at the books, they're almost all business or self help. Whereas you might walk into a doctor's surgery. Yeah. There's loads of books, but they're all around medicine.

So you get a a a gauge of what someone values by their space, so hence the yes. So whereas I don't know. You you people might not be listening to this. You go into their car, and it's just full of golf gear. The golf clubs are in the back. The golf shoes are in the front. You know, there's there's a lot of balls, ex spare balls that have been bought from the recent shop that are just chucked on the back seat, you know, to well, this person clearly values golf, As an example, the second one is time. So reviewing your time, where do you spend your time? What what are you actually doing? E is for energy.

What and it's not just what you expend your energy on, but it's what you get your energy from. So that's, I think really interesting. So yesterday, I did a 15 hour day. I had a a meeting with a business partner from 7 AM to 8 AM. I've run my mastermind all day and went Straight into a dinner that I run with. We had 5th 50 clients and friends, 15 hour day. I left that that that that venue at 10 PM As energized as I was at 8 AM. Yeah.

It wasn't com it didn't completely suck the life out of me. Yeah. Whereas there's other things that I can do for half an hour and stream my energy. And then the 4th one is money.

Mhmm.

What are you spending your money on? And and it's more disposable income than anything else. What are you spending your disposable Because obviously my mortgages and bills to pay whatever, but but what what are you spending your disposable income on? Whereas for me, it's like, I'm constantly buying books. I'm constantly buying courses. I'm buying things for, like 2 weeks ago, I bought myself an ice bath. You know? So because and and the ice bath represent not because I value, Cold water per se, but I value, the the the the the personal development that that is a tool for.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will love that. Absolutely brilliant. And and I had heard of that previously, like this the idea of What is actually around you? Like, that's how you spend your time. And I suppose one of the questions I have in relation to that is, What if it's not the right thing? Does this go back to the incongruent piece? So you're surrounding your yourself with stuff or you're spending your money on stuff, But actually, it's not giving you that sense of fulfillment. Is that linked with this feeling of incongruency then?

Yes ish. So the so if if somebody If somebody tells me, yeah, I I really want to, yeah, I I well, I I really, really wanna learn. I'm I I'm I'm really that's what I wanna do this year. And, and then you you go home, and you look at what they're doing, and They spend all evening just sat there on Netflix watching the the latest series. Now the the space element is The reason why I say space is is potentially different is because what you have today is a result of where you were. Right. So everything that I have today is a result of where I was. The stuff that I'm doing now moving forward is based on where I'm going.

Yeah.

And I think That that's worth bearing in mind because somebody could have had a a a a a a real significant shift in the light. My office, 8 years ago, wasn't completely full of books and awards and certification and all the rest of it. It was based on the stuff that I'd had from years gone by.

Yeah.

No. But some of those trophies behind me are from when I played ice hockey, Right. Which are also where is some of my more recent awards are from coaching? Like, last year, I won the, business enabler award, and and so so it's It's it's different based on the the time lag. So, yeah, I because I I I I'm I'm always sort of sense checking myself. Is is that completely true, and and and Would I ever disagree with that, Matt? The only time I disagree with it is just knowing that the seeds that you're sowing today that you're gonna you you're gonna you're gonna reap in

That that makes I think that makes sense what you what you're talking about, Will, this idea that what you have now is a result of what you've done up to this point. And maybe you've had a shift, a shift in mindset over the last year, months, whatever it might be, but it's taking time for that to kinda materialize into your space or into, You know, your time or whatever that might be. But presumably your time and your money you're spending on the stuff that you want to you're moving towards as opposed to Stuff that you're moving away from.

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly that. And and and the, the, there was something you just said that I thought that was a really good, example of that, but it is floating away on my head, so I can't remember what it is now. But, yeah, it was it was it was along those lines in terms of, Yeah. Habits. When we're talking earlier about habits, you're saying about the goal of the habit. Yeah.

I'm I'm I'm a huge advocate for folks on the process, and that's the big part of North Star thinking. Right? If if you have a goal that's so big, you accept you're never gonna achieve, then you can detach on the outcome, and you can focus on the process. Yeah. You fall in love with the process, and then you don't have to worry about the the the the the the sort of getting to the destination. But, like, at at the moment, I'm on a bit of a I'm sure many people are in in January on a bit of a a health and fitness kick. And, well, so I might look at the scales today. My weight today is not because I've eaten clean for the last 11 days is because of years worth. Whereas what I see on the scales in 3 months, You know, I could in 3 months time, I might be the perfect way exactly how I wanna be and all the rest of it.

And that morning, I could eat loads of ice cream, loads of chocolate, But loads of sweets, it's not gonna necessarily show up on the scales that day.

Yeah.

You know? And it's not gonna I'm not gonna look in the mirror at that day and go, oh my god. You know? I've just Put on 10% body fat because of doing those actions. It's the compounded effort of Yeah. Weeks months.

I think it's a really nice analogy to use. It's showing, like you say, the compounded effect of all of the stuff that you do over time. It's not just It's this one thing that's gonna make a difference, but it's the habits and the the process that you go through rather than just one off things, which I think people This is what people see a lot of the time. Like, 1 person had 1 one thing happen, and they had overnight success. But actually, that's not that's not the reality whatsoever. Will, it's been absolutely brilliant chatting with you. Any final thoughts and to insights from the book to share before we wrap things up.

No. I mean, no. I think we've we've covered it. We've got obviously, there's only so much we can do in terms of surface level at the the day, but if, obviously, if people are intrigued, then please go and and go and grab a copy and, and and and check it out. You know? There's there's there's a lot that we cover in a very short 200 odd pages or whatever it is. So, Yeah. We we cover a lot of ground on on on everything from sort of that, you know, start to marshalling your time to evolving your thinking to, creating habits that stick. We we cover all of those in in detail in the book.

Brilliant. Yeah. I look forward to getting a copy myself. So thank you. The other thing that the and the question that I ask everyone who comes on the podcast, what does being happier at work mean to you?

Great question. Have you heard of Elle Nightingale?

The name doesn't ring a bell. No.

So Earl Nightingale, he's got a a very famous audio, 30 minute audio, called The Strangest Secret. Old Nottingell was mentored by Napoleon Hill, who a lot of people know, who wrote the book, Think and Grow Rich. And, yesterday, I was reading, I I re reread the book and let listened to the audio. And there was a guy whose name I can't remember, and and they defined success. And they said, Success is the progression of progressive realisation of a worthy ideal. So For me, being happy, for me is is very much that is Progressive realization of a worthy ideal, I think, is a really good way of looking. And I also believe that happiness is equal to or greater than your expectations. So That that what's your expectation of so for me, I'm I'm bringing both those elements together because your Happiness is equal to greater than your expectations, but the if your expectation is of a worthy ideal that you're constantly progressing towards, Then you've got both of those married together.

Yeah. Love that. And it ties in very nicely with your book. I I have to say as well, I think, this whole The concept of what we've been talking about throughout our conversation. So if people want to connect with you, if they want to get their hands on your book, if you have any events coming up, what's the best place that they can do that.

Yeah. Absolutely. So, I mean, Wilpaulston, you know, on all the socials, you can you can jump in there. There's, It's, wilpaulston.com, the, the the podcast, Make It Happen with Walsston, you know, if you're interested in in in kind of where we're at there. And then the book, For most people, the quickest way of getting it is is just Amazon, and jumping on Amazon, and you you get it within the day or whatever it is from Amazon. But, yeah, there's a few Stores that that you can get it from garden waterstones and and whatnot. But, yeah, that's normally the best place for most people around the world.

Brilliant. Thank you so much. I so enjoyed the conversation today, and I'm sure listeners are gonna take so much away from it as well.

No. Thank you. Really enjoyed it.