Ever wondered what a man truly means when he says, "Nothing's wrong," or "I don't know"? In this episode, relationship coach Bob Grant breaks down common phrases men use and reveals their hidden meanings. Learn how to interpret his words, respond in a way that strengthens your relationship, and avoid communication pitfalls that push him away.

Key Takeaways

• When he says, "Nothing is wrong," he may be working through something internally—here’s what to do instead of pushing him to talk.
• "I don’t know" doesn’t mean he’s clueless—it means he’s avoiding a trap. Learn how to ask questions that invite honesty.
• When he asks, "What’s wrong?" he’s looking for a direct answer—not a long story. Here’s how to get him to listen without overwhelming him.
• Men communicate differently than women—understanding his emotional wiring can prevent unnecessary misunderstandings.
• Leading questions can backfire. If you want an honest response, avoid setting him up for failure.
• He’s not ignoring your feelings—he’s processing them differently. Learn how to create emotional safety so he opens up naturally.
• Simple shifts in communication can make him feel more connected to you—without forcing him to talk more than he wants to.

Ready to become his one and only? Learn more about the "Women Men Adore" program womanmenadore.com/adoreprogram

Book a Discovery Call With Bob: https://calendly.com/relationshiphq/15min

Bob Grant is a professional life coach and clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with high achieving women since 1997. His relationship expertise has been featured on Digital Romance, Savvy Miss, GalTime, Belief.net, and YourTango.com just to name a few.

Relationship Headquarters’ coaching programs help high-achieving women experience the same level of success in their relationships as they do in all other areas of their life.

How to connect to Bob Grant :

Website - https://relationshipheadquarters.com/

Podcast - https://relationshipheadquarters.com/podcast/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/Relationshipheadquarters

If you ask him, does this dress make me look fat or anything like that, men learn. You don't give an honest answer because we probably didn't notice it at all until you pointed it out. Welcome Relationship headquarters. I'm Bob Grant, relationship coach and bestselling author for women who want to have the relationship they've always wanted. And today we're going to talk about what he says and what he really means. So there's three things we're going to point out that when a man says something, it may sound different than what you're used to. So I'm going to interpret these for you. And depending on where you're watching, if you want to leave a comment below and ask if there's others, we can have some fun with that too. And what I want to emphasize with these is when you hear these, you may have a preconceived idea.

Well, that's not what he said. Well, why doesn't he just say that? Well, from his perspective, he did say it, but he said it in a way that made sense to him in most men. So let's jump in with the first one when he says nothing is wrong. So what he really means is, I have a problem and I want to figure it out for myself. I don't want you to tell me how to resolve it because if I have to ask for help, that means I'm a failure. Now, that's not your intention. You don't mean to be demeaning to him. You don't mean to put him down. You don't mean to emphasize to him that he's weak or powerless, but men, we have an innate desire to solve our own problems. That's why if you're dating a man that doesn't like to solve problems or is always making excuse for why he can't get ahead or why he can't accomplish stuff, that's a red flag.

Let's pay attention to men like solving problems. That's also why he likes solving your problems too. Solving problems is one of the ways for men that our self-esteem gets built up and makes us feel we've accomplished something because it taps into our core fear of am I enough that constant need to prove to ourself to accomplish, to create new things. So when he says nothing is wrong, yes, now, oh, he really means he's got something he's working on. What should you do with that? Well, we don't want to just dismiss him, obviously, but depending on the circumstance, if you're asking him and you want him to be involved, I would have you just sit near him, just sit and wait. He may want to talk about it. It may be something that's small and trivial that he's got it figured out. He just doesn't have the final pieces resolved with it.

That sitting and waiting and giving your undivided attention is something he's not used to. He's going to assume because I'm generalizing most women, is they try to draw it out. They try to make it where he's talking more and pulling it out of him, which is what you'd like him to do. You'd like him to lean in when you had a problem, but you didn't know how to resolve it. He likes having you just close. And when doing this, it comes across as that you're not being judgmental sometimes. Not always. Sometimes I'll have women that will say Why that's needy or that's weak. He should just tell me. I say, well, remember for men, we're much more emotionally sensitive than women are, meaning emotional safety is a big deal for us. And we deal with that primarily just because if it doesn't feel safe, we just don't care.

We just detach, we just dismiss it. And when we do that, that way comes across like indifference us. It's a coping mechanism. It's a way of not feeling the intensity of the problem we're facing. So when he says nothing is wrong, what I'm going to ask you to do is just take his word in. Depending on where you're at, you can sit quietly with him. You don't have to ask him questions. And what you're signaling to him is that you're available. Should he want to talk. You'll be surprised how often he will start to say stuff. Now it may start out with him saying what or what's wrong? And you simply say, nothing. Smile. I told you nothing was wrong. You say, I know this is intimate for a man. This is safety. This is his version of you leaning in. We're not going to call it that.

And it doesn't mean that he's always going to open up every time, but what you've demonstrated for him is it comes across that you get him, that you understand him in a way that most women don't from a perception standpoint. Number two, when he says, I don't know, this usually is in response to the classic question, does this dress make me look fat? Do you think we should make different plans? In other words, when there's something you want him to say, but you're asking the form of a question, what he means is, I don't know that there's a right answer if we're going to ask a man a question, a true question means that he can answer it honestly, I've had this, I've repeated because it worked so well. Teenagers are the ones that taught me this. They would come in when I would work with them and they would say, gosh, I wish my parents wouldn't do that.

And I would say, do what? And they would say, well, mom or dad will say, do you want to go to the store with us? We're going to get something, or should we do this this weekend? And then I'll say, no, I don't want to. And they'll say, why not? Why don't you want to? What's wrong with going to the store? What's wrong with doing stuff as a family? And see, they would get resentful because the parent asked 'em a question and when they gave an honest response, they felt like they were being punished because they didn't give the right answer or the correct answer. Now, the reason why folks do that, men can do this too. I realize women just is because it's more vulnerable to actually ask for what you want. Leading questions come across as manipulative to Ben, don't you think? And when there's a certain answer that's implied, because if you ask him, does this dress make me look fat or anything like that, men learn.

You don't give an honest answer because we probably didn't notice it at all until you pointed it out. But if you were to be more vulnerable, whether it's I'm overwhelmed, I'm tired, I'm feeling, I'm just feeling kind of yuck, or just something like that, then he can come in and reassure. Then he can sit and listen to you. Then it's something he has an idea. Oh, she's overwhelmed with stuff. If the dress makes me look fat, that's probably not the thing that's bothering you. I mean, if it's really bothering you, then you bought the wrong dress. You wouldn't have to ask. So when you ask a question again, like the famous one, instead of hinting, it's not so much about being more direct as being more honest. If I'm asking a question that leads a man on, it's called a leading question, men consider that to be manipulative.

They consider that to be, they wouldn't say the word aggressive, and their way of coping with that is just detach. And what he's wanting to avoid is how do I not say the wrong thing that gets me in trouble? So you're inadvertently training him not to open up to you. You're training him that he's supposed to respond a certain way, and then after a while he'll just stop trying. He'll stop taking risks. He doesn't want to say the wrong thing. We're not talking about stuff that's just genuinely rude or that he's being inappropriate in public. We're not talking about those things, but we want him to be able to experiment with you, to be able to be playful, to be able to see his personality in yours. So let's be careful for asking a leading question. What is it you're really needing that you're trying to accomplish with that leading question?

And one of the best ways to do that is paying attention to how you're feeling. Am I feeling lonely? Am I feeling tired? Let's address that as opposed to the leading question so that we don't train him to be cautious about being open and honest with you. Number three, when he says what's wrong? So when he says what's wrong, what he really means is he doesn't want all the details to start with. He needs to know in general what's wrong, then fill in the details later. The problem is I find is as a woman, a woman I talk with is if you start sharing all the details, he's listen for the problem, he's listening, he's waiting, and he doesn't know which thing's important because it all sounds important to you, it may seem important to get him to connect with you. We want to go right to in general, what's the problem?

Then you pause and then you fill in details. One client or woman in a door community on Facebook, she's an attorney, and as we were talking about this, she pointed this out to the group and she said, that's interesting. She says, female attorneys, again, I'm generalizing. She said, she's noticed that in closing arguments, the female attorneys will cover every detail, very broad, very in depth. And she says, the male attorneys will tend to hit the high pots, will tend to hit the high points, the most important things. And she says, it's not good or bad. She goes, it's just a different style. And I see, yes, I see that in relationships too. So a man reaches out and says, what's wrong again? Let's teach him for lack of a better, I want you to reward him. If you like him reaching out with that, if you like him being attentive, then we want to make it where when he's reaching out, he starts to learn you and your preferences and how you'd like to be approached.

Because we're trying to get away from just telling him, just tell him what he should do. Just instruct him. Men don't like that. But instead you make it a point when just to give him what's going on. Again, in general, you may not know exactly what it is. You might not know all of the details, but just in general, even if you just said, I'm not sure exactly, maybe something at work, I've just been in a funk couple of days, I'm not. And then if you pause, see, he won't know what to do, but just the fact of him doing it. And if you're not sure, think in terms of before this happens, what is it you like? You individually, when you're feeling overwhelmed, do you like a man to sit? Do your boyfriend or husband to sit down with you? Just wait. Do you like him to hold your hand?

I know it varies situation by situation, but knowing your preference, your signature, the things that are unique about you, that helps him to learn. Because what men understand is while women will tell us general things, I like gifts of gifts, I like acts of service. I like attentiveness. The specifics of those are different with every woman. It's not the same when she says that. And so it takes them a little while to learn. Oh, that's what she means when she says yes, I like him to be attentive. I like it when you're kind, oh, kind to her means I do this or that. This isn't the same thing. Said, I'm asking you to share with him when he does this that you know ahead of time. I'm not sure, but it would mean the world to me if you held my hand. Telling him does not make it less authentic.

Telling him means he doesn't have to guess poorly. I get that you would like him to magically know what you like. That happens later once he knows clearly, once he has an idea from you. See, I'm more interested in you getting what you want because when you get what you want, it works for both of you. Both of you win. It's a win-win. So think ahead of time. What is it when you're overwhelmed, scared, and you're like to be reassured or you like to feel connected with? What's the best thing that works for you? And you'll have something if you'll think back as to what you liked the most. And we have this ready so that when he says what's wrong and you don't necessarily know or he doesn't know what to do, you can tell him and you can say, it would mean the world to me.

I would appreciate it a lot because when I've done this with clients, when I've done this with clients, and I would tell them, I would tell them, go through this, and the man's right there in the room and I would ask her what she liked and she would say, I wish she'd hold my hand, or I wish she'd sit next to me. And I'd pause and I would look at him. I looked at him and he looked at me like that was simple. Of course I got it. Just making sure. And I would look at her. I said, go ahead and ask him. I just said it. I said, I know. I said, just go ahead and ask him please, because as vulnerable to do that. And that's what I wanted to practice. And she would say she was upset about, she'd say, I just wish he'd hold my hand.

And I would look at the man, I would say, can you do that? And he'd say, yeah, I can do that. And see, now he's got something specific to do. Now he's not worried about making a mistake. Now he can take a risk with that. And the guys, every husband, boyfriend that did this, whether it was sitting next to her or hold her hand, lean in when he was looking, whatever it was, it made her feel that she was special to him. And see, I want those moments when you're overwhelmed, when something is wrong, to be moments of connection, not moments where he gets tested because he didn't pass the test or guess. Right? Alright, so try these three things and as you do, what normally happens is one or more will stand out. Usually one, maybe two will stand out, lean into those. Make it a point to practice with that and see if you don't notice a difference with a man.

And if this is something you're noticing with a man or there's disconnect between you two, be sure to visit relationship headquarters.com. We have a free gift for you. We have some links below. And if it's something you'd like me to work with you one-on-one, we have a free discovery call down below the links also. So check that out and we'll spend time in there, see if I can help you with what's going on to have the relationship you've always wanted. Until next time, I hope you enjoyed this new episode, and if you did, the highest compliment I can have is you sharing this with your friends and leaving a review on Apple Podcast and Spotify. Also, if there's a question you want me to answer, a topic to cover, scroll down to the show notes or go to relationship headquarters.com/podcast. And I've enjoyed having you and being with you this time. I'll see you next week for a new episode.