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Listen to the Truth and Fertility Podcast
In this episode, Mari features her guest appearance on The Truth and Fertility Podcast with host Hailey Jager. They discuss the challenges and growth experienced during seasons of waiting, particularly in journeys of infertility. Mari shares personal insights, the importance of active surrender, and how to find joy and gratitude even amid suffering.
00:00 Welcome to The Ever Be Podcast
00:42 Special Guest Episode Announcement
02:11 Introduction to the Truth and Fertility Podcast
02:32 Discussing Seasons of Waiting
05:25 Living in the Present Moment
18:03 The Journey of Surrender
26:54 Trusting God's Plan Over Ours
27:24 Finding Joy in Unexpected Plans
29:13 Active Surrender in Daily Life
31:15 The Power of Prayer and Surrender
33:37 Gratitude in the Midst of Suffering
36:29 Strengthening Marriage Through Infertility
50:54 Supporting Friends Through Infertility
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Follow Along:
Transcripts
Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,
and you're listening to The Ever Be
2
:Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.
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:I'm so excited you're here.
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:Whether you're a new listener
or a longtime follower, I know
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:there's something here for you.
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:Pull up a chair and listen in for
insightful, real life conversations and
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:actionable steps on how to claim the.
8
:Full life God created you for.
9
:If you're a woman desiring to live
a Christ-centered life in today's
10
:modern world, then this is for you.
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:Welcome to ever be.
12
:Welcome back to Ever Be Everybody.
13
:It's your host, Marie Wagner.
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:Today's episode is a little special
because it is a guest episode that
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:I was on, on the Truth and Fertility
podcast hosted by Hailey Jager.
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:This is a incredible podcast
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:Where Haley talks about the truth of
women's health and fertility, and we sat
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:down to talk about seasons of waiting as.
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:Specifically my season of waiting in
this journey of infertility that we
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:have experienced the past four years.
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:This is a topic that I have shared
a bits and pieces on throughout our
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:journey, but it's kind of hard to
talk about just by myself sitting down
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:recording on a mic, and I found that it
was just a lot easier to talk about it.
24
:When someone had intentional questions,
they were asking me, and so I really
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:loved doing this episode with Hailey
and I thought the conversation
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:was just so honest and regal.
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:And I know, um, I get a lot of
questions on Instagram of people asking.
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:Out of the kindness of their hearts.
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:Um, just how our trying to
conceive journey's going.
30
:Any updates on our fertility?
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:Um, I know people just kind of wanna know
how we're doing in this time of waiting
32
:as we, just have hopes that our family
grows with many little kids one day.
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:So I thought this conversation was
really beautiful and just raw and real
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:and wanted to share it with you guys.
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:So without further ado, we can dive
into the episode that I recorded
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:on the Truth and Fertility podcast.
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:I.
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:Welcome back to The Truth
and Fertility podcast.
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:I'm Haley Yeager.
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:Today we're sitting down with Mari Wagner.
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:She is the founder of West Coast Catholic
and the host of the Ever Be Podcast,
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:and we actually just met recently at
the Seek 26 conference, and I'm so.
43
:Incredibly lucky to be
sitting down with her today.
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:I'm really excited for our conversation.
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:We're gonna be chatting all about seasons
of waiting, so whether that is in a
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:fertility journey or, I'm even thinking
too, there's so many women out there that
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:are waiting for their vocation or waiting
for, you know, for their health to, to
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:change and to improve or just any type
of waiting when we're in the season of
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:waiting, how difficult that season can be.
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:But we don't wanna just write it off as.
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:This is, we're just on pause and there's
nothing I can do until something changes.
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:Right?
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:We wanna make sure that we're still.
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:Being fruitful in these seasons.
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:So that's our topic today.
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:Mari, welcome to the podcast.
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:Hi.
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:Thank you so much for having me.
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:I'm truly so honored to be here and so
excited to talk about seasons of waiting.
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:Um.
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:So, yeah, thanks for having me.
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:Uh, like Haley said, I'm Mari Wagner.
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:I am a lot of things.
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:Um, I am a Catholic wife, Catholic
content creator, business owner,
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:podcaster, um, lover of all.
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:Beautiful.
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:And good things.
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:Um, and my husband and I, yeah,
we started West Coast Catholic.
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:It's a Catholic lifestyle brand back
in:
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:handmade rosaries and then it has
evolved to what people like to call
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:it as the Catholic Magnolia brand.
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:So just a lot of home lifestyle
apparel, just really beautifully
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:designed, faith-filled items to help
you, um, live a Christ-centered life.
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:And essentially that's my mission
and everything I do is to minister to
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:women mostly, um, and walk alongside
them to live a Christ-centered life.
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:So through my Instagram content or my
podcast or, um, digital products or
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:our shop, that's, that's really what
I try to do in everything that I do.
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:Yeah.
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:That's amazing.
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:You are a woman of all trades.
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:I mean, all the things that
you're doing, it is truly amazing.
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:Everything you're doing and all the, you
know, the inspiration and the beauty.
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:I was looking at your website
and just like, it is beautiful.
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:Like it is objectively beautiful.
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:It's just, yeah, the things
you're producing is, is amazing.
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:So I'm really glad that you're here.
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:Let's just dive right into this
first question of, you know,
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:when a woman, let's, let's
talk to the women that are in.
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:This season of waiting right now.
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:And again, maybe it's for fertility
to turn around and for that baby, or
91
:maybe it, I'm also really thinking
about the women that want marriage.
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:Oh yeah.
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:So much.
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:And that man, just the right one
just has not come around yet.
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:And you're sitting and
you're thinking like, Lord.
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:What's going on?
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:Like, what are you,
what are you doing here?
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:Mm-hmm.
99
:What, in those seasons of waiting,
maybe just top tips or what, what
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:should a woman be doing to Yes.
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:Prepare themselves for that season to
come and whatever that looks like, but to
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:also make the most of that season itself?
103
:Yeah.
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:I mean, one thing I have reflected on.
105
:Over and over that comes to mind
is how Jesus came to give us
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:life, abundant life to the full.
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:He says it in John 10 10, and what I
have right is like how even these seasons
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:of waiting are part of that plan and
that gift of living life to the full.
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:These seasons of waiting are
part of God's plan for our lives.
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:And as hard as it is to wrap our minds
around that, right, because suffering
111
:is so hard for us to grapple, it
is part of God's good plan for our
112
:lives to live fully and abundantly.
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:And so I have absolutely, I
mean, I have so much compassion
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:for women in seasons of waiting.
115
:I'm, I'm in one currently and I absolutely
have fallen into the thinking of that.
116
:I know that a lot of women
fall into of my life.
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:Will really start when, right, like when I
finally get the boyfriend, when I finally
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:meet the one, when I finally get married,
when I finally get the right job or have
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:a baby, when we finally get to buy a
house, whatever it is, whatever the next
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:thing you're hoping for, praying for that
mentality of like, my life will actually
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:start then, or like won't start until the.
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:That is a lie that I think is so easy
to fall into and that detracts us
123
:from living in the present moment.
124
:Um, 'cause that's simply not true, right?
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:Like God lives in the present moment.
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:God meets us in the present moment.
127
:God is only like present and
Satan wants us to be stuck in
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:either worrying about the past or
being anxious about the future.
129
:And so when we live in one of those
two states, we know immediately like,
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:this isn't where God wants me to be.
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:God doesn't want me to be
anxious about the future.
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:He says that in Matthew six.
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:There's a whole thing, right?
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:A whole do not worry passage.
135
:Um, and he doesn't want me to
be worrying about the past.
136
:Um, God is in the present moment and
he has something in store for us every
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:single day in the present moment.
138
:So how do I personally
make the most of it?
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:I make goals, I dream
and I make bucket lists.
140
:Like I feel like that's what I do to
help me live in the present moment
141
:because I won't lie, it's hard,
like emotionally, it's hard to.
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:Long for something so much.
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:Pray for something so much and even
do so many things to try and get you
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:to that end you're looking for and it
for it still not to come to fruition.
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:And I don't know if anybody else
can relate out there, but like I'm
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:an eldest daughter and I'm like.
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:Kind of a typical eldest
daughter, and I'm a go-getter.
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:Me too.
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:Okay.
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:I totally get it.
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:I'm a go-getter.
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:I'm driven.
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:I'm very goal oriented, so it's
like I have learned in my life
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:that if you work hard enough, you
will achieve the thing you want.
155
:And when it comes to vocation, when it
comes to even fertility, like because
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:life is a gift that God is giving like.
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:You can do so much and then
you have to give it to God.
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:You can't earn your way there, but
you can't earn your spouse, right?
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:It's like a gift freely given.
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:So I've learned in my life, right, that
like I can't, like at some point, right?
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:Like we can only do so much and
then we have to give it to God.
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:And other than that, right, we
have to learn how to make the
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:best of the present moment.
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:And very practically,
I make goals, dreams.
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:Bucket lists.
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:I look at my life and I go like,
what are the dreams that I have?
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:And they don't like, they don't have
to wait for me to reach motherhood.
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:What do I wanna accomplish this year?
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:How do I want this season to look like?
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:Um, and then I start
writing those things down.
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:Like for me, if it's not on paper,
it's not gonna come to fruition.
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:And I think that's how
a lot of people are.
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:We have a lot of dreams, a lot
of goals in the back of our,
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:of our mind that we're like.
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:I hope one day.
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:But the reality is like you can make
these things come to other dreams, come to
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:life while you wait for like that one big
dream to come to life in, in your life.
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:Um, so.
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:For me, like an example, a very
practical example, like winters are hard.
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:We started trying in December four years
ago, and so when winter comes around,
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:it's just that constant reminder that
it's been another year that went by
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:and so, and winters are just naturally
gloomy and dark, and so I think
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:it's like hard for a lot of people.
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:But for me, I've come to know that.
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:And so the last few years, um, or or other
seasons, other seasons have been hard too.
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:But when I know that that's coming
and I'm going to feel that way,
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:I try and get ahead of myself.
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:I'm like, okay, like let's
make a fall bucket list.
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:Let's make a winter bucket list.
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:Let's make a summer bucket list,
whatever it is that you need.
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:And that brings like a level of like
joy and excitement into that season
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:that allows me to live that season
in my life in the day to day in.
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:In a way where maybe I could
have gotten stuck in my grief
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:and my sadness and my suffering.
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:Um, and I'll talk more about this
later, but like, just wanna have a
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:disclaimer here too, like sadness
and suffering and grief, like.
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:You absolutely should feel
those and can feel those.
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:And it's absolutely good to feel those.
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:So it's not about wishing those away or
ignoring those, but it's about finding
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:the joy in the midst of our suffering
and being able to hold both of those.
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:Um, so yeah, so, so I write things down.
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:I make goals with my husband.
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:We try and do these bucket lists.
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:Um, one time I went to a coffee
shop and had like a fun date with
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:my sister-in-law where we like.
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:Brought our watercolors and we
like watercolored our bucket
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:lists, and it was just like a fun
way to be like, that was so fun.
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:I'm excited for this season and I'm
going to chase other dreams while I
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:wait for my biggest dream becoming
a mother, um, to come around.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:It, it sounds to me like you are, you
already are a very proactive person,
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:and it's funny that you're the oldest.
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:I'm the oldest.
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:I'm also very Type A.
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:I'm like, let's make a list.
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:Yeah.
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:Let's make sure, like,
let's prioritize the list.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:And then, and then start knocking 'em off.
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:So, yeah.
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:That to me, because I, I just feel like
the temptation is exactly what you said
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:to say, okay, life hasn't started yet.
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:I'm on pause.
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:Life hasn't started yet and in any season
of life, no matter what changes your
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:life is gonna look different, right?
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:So don't plan for what's going
to be different in a future
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:season plan for this season.
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:Now.
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:What's coming up now?
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:Make that bucket list to have
something to look forward to.
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:Yes, I think those are
really, really good.
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:Practical tips and just, yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Just being living, yeah.
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:In the present moment.
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:A question that I was kind of pondering
as you were talking was in your, maybe
239
:describing in your faith journey of where,
uh, leading up to where you are today.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:Do you see anything in.
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:How the Lord prepared you
and was preparing your heart
243
:for a season of waiting.
244
:Like was it something that, was it a,
a, a skill or maybe a muscle that had
245
:to grow in your faith journey to be able
to be as productive and present as you
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:are today in this season of waiting?
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:Like, can you, can, are you able to
reflect a little bit on the past and
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:how the Lord was preparing you to wait?
249
:Well, sure.
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:Yeah, that's a really good question.
251
:I think there, there, there, absolutely.
252
:There probably was.
253
:But I feel like the most work has
been done, like in the midst of it.
254
:Um, this, our infertility
journey is something we never
255
:saw coming, like we did NFP.
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:Practitioner, right?
257
:Look at my charts and she's like, gosh,
you are the most textbook client I have.
258
:Like, everything looks perfect.
259
:I had never had any problems or anything.
260
:And so it was like a complete surprise.
261
:So in terms of like,
was I prepared for this?
262
:No.
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:Did I feel prepared in any way to
walk with the Lord through this
264
:suffering and carry this cross?
265
:Not consciously.
266
:Um, but I know there are ways the Lord.
267
:Worked in my heart leading up there was
one very, which I think is very unique.
268
:This isn't something
everybody experiences.
269
:There was one moment where the
Lord spoke to me very clearly
270
:before I was even engaged.
271
:I was dating Trey and um, I
was visiting him when he was a
272
:summer missionary in Hidden Lake.
273
:It's like a teen camp that life teen host.
274
:Um, in Georgia.
275
:Yeah.
276
:I was a missionary actually in college.
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:I was a life teen missionary.
278
:Amazing.
279
:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
280
:In California.
281
:But they do have the Georgia one.
282
:Yeah.
283
:Yeah.
284
:So he was a missionary in Georgia
and visit him for a weekend while
285
:he was out there and while he was
doing something with his team or
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:whatever, I was in the chapel doing
my holy hour and weird moment.
287
:Where the Lord like spoke
to my heart, not audibly.
288
:Right?
289
:It's one of those moments where you
just like, feel a whisper in your heart.
290
:Um, and he was just like, I, myself
will be crucified in you, but fear
291
:not for there will be a resurrection.
292
:And at that point in my life, I had never
experienced any suffering in my life.
293
:I was very blessed.
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:I had a beautiful family
growing up and, um.
295
:Uh, pretty much anything I
prayed for happened, right?
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:Like, and like I said, like I
worked really hard in my life to,
297
:to get into the college that I
wanted to, to get on the dance team.
298
:You know, we, we won state every
year, like as a high school student.
299
:It was like my life was
everything I wanted it to be.
300
:And in college, you know, met
the guy, um, was dating, like,
301
:knew we were gonna get married.
302
:And so in this moment when the
Lord said that, I was like, what?
303
:Like that is like deep and
dark and like, what do you mean
304
:you're gonna be crucified in me?
305
:And like, what?
306
:So I was like, oh my gosh.
307
:He's like, are we gonna break up?
308
:Like is like, is this not
actually who I'm meant to marry?
309
:Like is this gonna be the big crucifixion?
310
:The the big suffering?
311
:Um, and.
312
:And, uh, Trey, I think actually
spoke about it with a priest and
313
:the priest, he prophesied in some
way and said something about like.
314
:The Lord like wants you to be
there for mari, you know, in, in
315
:pregnancy and fertility like it.
316
:And at that point we were just
like, what are you even talking?
317
:Like we had no idea what this meant.
318
:Right?
319
:Um, and then we, we got married nine
months in, we started trying for a baby.
320
:Um, and you know, the years started to, to
pile up and we were just like so confused.
321
:And, um, there was one particular night
where it was very, very difficult.
322
:Um, I was ready to go in
for some sort of trip.
323
:I hate medical things,
hate medical things.
324
:Um, and so I was like so anxious the night
before and I just decided to pull out my
325
:old prayer journals, um, to find comfort
or answers I, 'cause I felt like this was.
326
:Like, I felt totally blindsided by
the Lord and I was like, there has
327
:to be a reason this is happening.
328
:Why is this happening?
329
:And I went in prayer and I opened my
past prayer journals and I literally,
330
:the first journal I opened, I opened up
to this page that one summer where I,
331
:and I wrote it down in my journal and
I wrote it down and I read, I myself
332
:will be crucified in you, but fear
not for there will be a resurrection.
333
:And in that moment it's like
everything clicked for me and
334
:it was like this, this is.
335
:The cross God was talking
about that he prepared me for.
336
:Right.
337
:I never knew, but he even gave me a
warning years in advance before I was
338
:even engaged years in advance to be like,
there is a crucifixion that is coming.
339
:But what I love is that he didn't
say, you will be crucified.
340
:He said, I will be crucified in you.
341
:Right.
342
:Like let, like.
343
:Graft yourself to my cross and fear
not for there will be a resurrection.
344
:So I hold onto so much hope in that,
in that message that I was gifted
345
:with, where I know there will be a
resurrection, and I know we cannot have
346
:the resurrection without the cross.
347
:Um, so that was early on in our fertility
journey where I was like, wow, okay,
348
:there's purpose to what is happening here.
349
:And then to answer a little bit
more practically your question
350
:of like, how has he prepared you?
351
:Is there something he has placed on
your heart to get you through this?
352
:Through the past four years, the Lord
has taught me surrender and worked in
353
:my heart to know what true surrender
is like over and over and over again.
354
:There's been moments in my life
where I felt like the Lord called
355
:me to a surrender, and each
surrender then the last, and it's
356
:just like you think it's over.
357
:You think one surrender is like that,
the final ask, and then the next one
358
:comes and you're like, I thought we
like already learned this lesson.
359
:Like I don't need another one.
360
:But each one not only challenges
me more, but brings me.
361
:Deeper into relationship with
the father and actually bears
362
:more fruit than the last.
363
:And it is crazy to say this,
Hailey, like I couldn't say these
364
:things one year into our suffering,
two years into our suffering.
365
:Like it has been such a
journey to get to this place.
366
:Um, and.
367
:Yeah, I mean, just to walk you through
the journey a little bit, like my
368
:first surrender, I feel like was
being engaged in planning a wedding
369
:in the midst of COVID, which like can
seem, what year did you get married?
370
:2021.
371
:20.
372
:Oh my gosh.
373
:March 20, 21.
374
:Oh man.
375
:But we got, oh, engaged.
376
:The day the world shut down,
we got 20, 20 or 20, uh, 20.
377
:Yeah.
378
:Wait, 2019?
379
:Yeah, 20, uh, 20, 20.
380
:No, no, no.
381
:2020.
382
:No.
383
:So, so sorry.
384
:We got engaged right
before the world shut down.
385
:We got engaged December, 2019, and
then we picked a wedding date in
386
:March, the day the world shut down.
387
:Um.
388
:For the next year.
389
:And so we were like, well, thank
goodness it's gonna be a whole year out
390
:because like by then COVID won't exist.
391
:And Oh my gosh.
392
:Yeah, it was such a wild wide, right?
393
:So like, yeah, the Lord like in that like
asked me, you know, to, to surrender that.
394
:And then with our.
395
:Different decisions in our wedding
and, um, moving and starting marriage
396
:and finances and our business.
397
:So much like other moments where
the Lord was like, surrender.
398
:Trust me.
399
:Surrender, trust me.
400
:And then our fertility
like surrender, trust me.
401
:And then like years go by
like surrender, trust me.
402
:And um, so, so many things that the Lord
over the past few years surrender and
403
:learning that like surrender isn't losing.
404
:Uh, sight of the plan isn't
like letting go of your dream.
405
:It's not, not wanting that anymore.
406
:It's trusting in God and who he is
more than the things that he gives you.
407
:Um, so growing in that throughout
the years has helped me so much
408
:spiritually, um, to be able to,
to kind of just walk in this.
409
:Yeah.
410
:Thank you so much for sharing that.
411
:Mm-hmm.
412
:I'm just, I, I got goosebumps
when you talked about.
413
:Like what the Lord said.
414
:Sometimes he does like a lot.
415
:Most of the time I would
say he's very quiet.
416
:Yes.
417
:'cause we hear that's how we hear him.
418
:Totally.
419
:He's in the quiet.
420
:And when we have so much noise as we
do as American women uhhuh, we have
421
:so much noise around us that we have
to be so intentional about being
422
:quiet so we can hear him and every
once in a while he will speak so.
423
:What seems to be so audibly.
424
:Yeah.
425
:And I love that he didn't just
end it either with, I will
426
:be crucified in you period.
427
:Mm-hmm.
428
:Like it didn't end in a
period, it was a comma.
429
:Mm-hmm.
430
:Said, and then the resurrection.
431
:Yeah.
432
:And I think that, that when we are
undergoing suffering, whether it's, you
433
:know, the suffering in of infertility or
the suffering of a painful marriage, or
434
:the suffering of waiting for marriage.
435
:Whatever it is, we can focus
so much on the suffering of it.
436
:Yeah.
437
:And even, and, and that's when we get the
question, the, like, the ultimate question
438
:of why does a good God allow suffering?
439
:Right.
440
:And it's a question that I, I mean, I
think most people struggle with, I myself
441
:struggle with, but that is the key is.
442
:What happens after the crucifixion?
443
:Mm-hmm.
444
:It doesn't just end there.
445
:Right.
446
:It is, there's a resurrection after
that and allowing, and, and sometimes
447
:that waiting for the resurrection
and even the resurrection may
448
:not look like the resurrection
that we're expecting it to even.
449
:Oh yeah.
450
:Right.
451
:But yes, but recognizing, I
think that that's the beauty.
452
:Of being Catholic or being Christian
in general is just recognizing that
453
:there is a purpose to our suffering,
but being intentional about.
454
:I don't wanna say chasing after that
purpose, but just being intentional about
455
:what are you doing with your suffering?
456
:Are you uniting it to the crucifixion
uhhuh or are you just letting
457
:yourself be wrapped up in it?
458
:Right.
459
:Yeah.
460
:So yeah, thank you so
much for sharing that.
461
:'cause I think that that, that story.
462
:In and of itself, like we could stop this
recording right now and, and everybody
463
:will have gotten something from this.
464
:I just got something from your story.
465
:Oh, I'm so, thank you so much.
466
:Yeah.
467
:But because we have more time,
I want to ask you, you talked
468
:about surrender and you talked
about in these moments of waiting.
469
:You truly do have to surrender the outcome
and surrender the timeline, and especially
470
:when it's not something you can earn.
471
:Right?
472
:We can earn an A plus on a test.
473
:Yep.
474
:We can earn, uh, you know, a trophy or
whatever it is, but with these types of
475
:things that are pure gift, we can earn.
476
:And, and that's actually good news
because it means we don't have to
477
:earn love from the God the father.
478
:Mm-hmm.
479
:Like we don't have to praise God.
480
:We don't have to earn that.
481
:Um, but when you are in that moment
of, of suffering and of surrendering,
482
:what is the difference between.
483
:Surrendering the outcome versus
just being passive about it.
484
:Do you know what I mean?
485
:Mm-hmm.
486
:Mm-hmm.
487
:Is, is there a difference?
488
:Yeah.
489
:What is, what does it look like whether
you are actually actively surrender?
490
:Surrendering it, totally surrendering
the waiting in the waiting versus
491
:just being passive and saying,
uh, it'll come when it'll come.
492
:Yeah.
493
:Yeah.
494
:I mean, surrender is actually, I,
I feel very active in comparison.
495
:Like surrendering takes a lot
of you and takes a lot of, um,
496
:emotional and spiritual work to
be able to hand everything over
497
:to God because surrendering, I
don't know if you've ever, um.
498
:Done the surrender novena.
499
:Um, oh yeah.
500
:So good.
501
:It's so good.
502
:It's not often, not often enough, right?
503
:Um, and it says, uh, oh,
Jesus, I surrender myself to
504
:you take care of everything.
505
:The key in surrender is not.
506
:To just let go, but it's actually to trust
that Jesus is going to take care of it.
507
:So in surrender, our faith
is built up so much more.
508
:And it's like I said this before,
like it's built up in the identity
509
:of who God is, not what he gives us.
510
:And so it teaches us to trust his
goodness and to know him, um, for
511
:the good loving father that he is,
instead of like the giver of gifts.
512
:Right?
513
:Like the answer of my prayers.
514
:Passive, like being passive
is like giving up to me.
515
:That sounds like, or like there feels
like there's no consolation there, right?
516
:Like you feel very helpless when
you're being passive 'cause you're
517
:just like, I'm gonna let it go.
518
:'cause like, I literally
can't do anything.
519
:And like I, like, I hope it all
works out, but like you don't
520
:walk away from that being.
521
:Feeling good about that, you know?
522
:And there is like a weird grace that
comes when you, when you actually
523
:surrender, which is hard to get to.
524
:Like, there's been so many times where I
sit there and pray and I'm like, Lord, I
525
:surrender, but I don't actually mean it.
526
:You know?
527
:Um, and there's times where I've
had genuine surrenders where
528
:I'm like, I, I let go, Lord.
529
:Like I am tired of trying to do it myself.
530
:I am tired of trying to convince
you that my plan is better.
531
:Like I'm gonna try and just.
532
:Actually have faith that you are God,
that I'm not, that your plan is better.
533
:And in those true moments of
surrender, there is a weird peace and
534
:consolation that comes where you just
know, like if I know God is good.
535
:I know that he loves me.
536
:I know that he wants good for me.
537
:I know that he wants me
to live life to the full.
538
:Then like what he has planned must be
better than what I had planned for me.
539
:And that has been
incredibly difficult for me.
540
:A planner, a go-getter, right?
541
:Like I know what the
future should look like.
542
:I have my plans, I have my timeline,
and I'm really good at making plans.
543
:Hailey, I'm really good at it.
544
:I'm sow in prayer.
545
:I'm like, Lord.
546
:You gave me these gifts, you
know, I'm really good at this.
547
:Like, are you sure you don't
wanna take me up on my offer?
548
:Like my timeline is like
really incredible Lord.
549
:Like, you know, my plan's
pretty good, pretty good.
550
:Trust me.
551
:Just trust me.
552
:And God probably just chuckles
at me every time, like, oh my
553
:daughter, when are you gonna learn?
554
:I am the original plan.
555
:Like my plan is truly better than yours.
556
:Yeah.
557
:And this is an extreme example
that I used to use when I was a
558
:missionary with focus, um, with my
college girls that I would walk with.
559
:Um, even if God's plan for us was to be
homeless and on the streets, if that was
560
:God's plan for us, we would be more joyful
and more fulfilled living God's plan.
561
:Than if we lived how we live now.
562
:Like in the end, the moral of
the story is no matter how weird,
563
:how different, how crazy, how
unexpected God's plan is for you.
564
:If you truly surrender and say, okay,
Lord, I'm gonna follow you wherever we go,
565
:that's gonna bring you the most joy and
fulfillment than anything else ever could.
566
:Yeah, yeah.
567
:Oh my gosh.
568
:And.
569
:I love that example because
that it is so true that the
570
:grass is always greener, right?
571
:We can fall into that comparison mindset.
572
:We can fall into, well, if I
just had this or if I, yeah.
573
:On a, on a much smaller,
much smaller scale.
574
:I'm thinking just in my, in my own, um,
walk right now that we, my, my husband
575
:and I, we live in a very, very small
house and we are like, we're kind of
576
:growing out of it and we've been, yeah.
577
:Things when it rains.
578
:We have like 10 buckets throughout
the house of like, 'cause
579
:our roof is just so, yeah.
580
:But for run, one reason or another
we've just, we haven't been able.
581
:To either move or do the things
that we need to do on our house.
582
:Yeah.
583
:And for so long, again, much smaller in
comparison, much smaller suffering, but
584
:for so long I was thinking, okay, well
I'm just not gonna touch that because my,
585
:my life won't start until I, I have this
new house or my, you know, it like you
586
:feel stuck and you're just like, well.
587
:I'm not gonna plan for that until
we have an house, or I'm not gonna
588
:plan for this until, whatever, you
know, whatever the situation is.
589
:Yeah.
590
:But it, it really is
that active surrendering.
591
:Yeah.
592
:And, and still being, still
like using your brain.
593
:Like I say that all the time, especially
when I'm working with clients, like
594
:teaching them how to chart and they're
wanting to get pregnant or whatever.
595
:It's like, okay.
596
:Yes.
597
:It is an absolute gift from God and
there are things that we cannot control.
598
:Mm-hmm.
599
:But he still gave you a brain.
600
:Mm-hmm.
601
:And he expects you to use it, right?
602
:Yeah.
603
:And so it's, do your due diligence on
educating yourself on whatever, whatever
604
:health thing is going, is going on.
605
:Oh, yeah.
606
:See, find a good doctor.
607
:Do the things that
they're telling you to do.
608
:Yeah.
609
:Actively moving toward that
goal, but the end of that Yep.
610
:Being out of our control.
611
:Totally.
612
:And end of it is being what we, what
we need to surrender with our house.
613
:Right.
614
:I can actively do the things.
615
:We can say, we can follow Dave
Ramsey, which is what, that's
616
:a story for another time.
617
:Sure.
618
:But like we can do all the
things that we need to do to
619
:prepare ourselves for that uhhuh.
620
:But the lesson in the waiting is,
can you be content and joyful.
621
:In this waiting, which isn't,
which isn't, I mean, it is a
622
:waiting for something else, but
it's still in the present moment.
623
:Mm-hmm.
624
:You're not stuck in the future.
625
:You're not stuck in the past, but how can
you still be in the present moment, living
626
:your fullest life, doing those bucket
lists, be like actively being joyful.
627
:Mm-hmm.
628
:Rather than falling into that comparison
trap and, and the grass is always greener.
629
:Mm-hmm.
630
:I'm wondering too, Mari.
631
:You talked about, you know, all at the
very beginning, you talked about all the
632
:things that you do actively with making
the bucket list or making the planning
633
:or, um, planning for the season ahead.
634
:What is something, or maybe a few things
that you do daily, like what are, what
635
:are smaller things that you strive to do
daily to make sure that you're still in
636
:that active surrendering mode in, in the
full picture of this season of waiting?
637
:Yeah.
638
:Um, the biggest thing is
anchoring my day in prayer.
639
:Um, every single morning
that, that's my goal.
640
:That's what I.
641
:Give God the first moments of my day.
642
:Um, I truly try to pray 30 to
60 minutes a day every morning.
643
:It doesn't happen every morning.
644
:Um, but it is my goal and it's what
I strive for because prayer is my
645
:lifeline to my relationship with Jesus.
646
:It's, it's our lifeline to, to, to
anyone's relationship with Jesus.
647
:If we don't spend time with him, speak to
him, um, share a life with him, we won't.
648
:Get to know him and know his
heart and grow in love for
649
:him and grow in relationship.
650
:Um, and surrender is like not true.
651
:Surrender is like not a natural
like human thing, right?
652
:Like we're finite beings and
we want to, um, find solutions.
653
:Like around us actively to
our, to our finite problems.
654
:And the Lord is an infinite being,
and he's the one who is like all
655
:powerful and, and all good and all
seeing, and like he's the one who
656
:has the, the answers to everything.
657
:And so like, I can't fully surrender
if I don't like fully know him.
658
:So to know him, to know his
goodness, to rest in confidence
659
:and who he is, like I have to spend
time in prayer every single day.
660
:Um.
661
:So that is just a huge anchor
in my life, um, of like how to
662
:practice this surrender every day.
663
:Um, like I said, the surrender
novena is something I go back
664
:to that it is so amazing.
665
:There was a time in my life where I just
prayed it on repeat, like nine days would
666
:pass and I would just start it over and.
667
:Truly so many graces from that.
668
:Um, there is a small book I read,
I think it's by Father Jacque
669
:Philippe, and I think it's a,
it's got surrender in the title.
670
:So with those two pieces of
information, try and look it up.
671
:Use Google and use your
brain that God gave you.
672
:You will find the book I
love Father Jacque Philippe.
673
:Yeah, who doesn't?
674
:I'm pretty sure it is Jo Father Jolie
and I think it's called like nine Day
675
:Retreat to Surrender or something.
676
:And um, it was really good.
677
:It's super short.
678
:Um, I did that for the nine days and
truly felt a difference in my life.
679
:Um, and then the other thing too that I
think goes well here in this question,
680
:I was gonna say it before, but I,
it's coming back to me now, is, um,
681
:it's kind of cliche maybe, but it's.
682
:It's gratitude and it's
focusing on gratitude.
683
:And I think there's times in my life
where I've heard that and kind of just
684
:like cringed and I'm just like, shut up.
685
:Don't say that.
686
:Like, what I'm going through
is really hard, you know?
687
:And it's like totally, like, it is
really hard what we're going through
688
:and these seasons of waiting are so
valid, um, to feel that weight of it.
689
:But at the same time, I actually
have noticed a difference in how
690
:I approach my day-to-day life.
691
:Um, and that ease and surrender.
692
:When I focus on gratitude and
what I focus on, I mean gratitude
693
:throughout my day, right?
694
:On a basic level, just gratitude for
the things that the Lord is blessing
695
:with me, blessing me with now and today.
696
:But also the biggest thing I hold
onto is just reminding myself I'm.
697
:One day.
698
:Right.
699
:And like I'm just reminding myself that
I'm probably gonna be a mom for the
700
:majority of my life and that these few
years with just Trey and I just, my
701
:husband and I are so minimal in comparison
to the rest of our lives, and I love.
702
:Life right now, despite the suffering
and despite us yearning to be parents
703
:so badly, like we love our life together
and we love and cherish every moment
704
:God is gifting us with right now.
705
:And once we changed our
mindset to like, wow, God.
706
:Like why do you have us in this season?
707
:Like, why, why, why, why, why to.
708
:Wow.
709
:Can we cherish the, the few years that
we have in our marriage of just us
710
:two, um, so many of our friends, and
it's a good and beautiful thing, right?
711
:They got pregnant in their first
year of marriage and we get to
712
:celebrate them and, um, support and
love their families alongside them.
713
:And we also see the d
714
:and just how much sacrifice and
surrender that requires and.
715
:I hope to have that one day in my
life like I would love to, to suffer
716
:for my child one day, but at the same
time, it's a little thing that I get
717
:to be like, what a gift it is that
I get to sleep in with my husband.
718
:You know, what a gift it is absolute
that we get to travel, um, to,
719
:you know, go abroad without having
to worry about little things.
720
:Um, what a gift it is that we are
more in control of our time right
721
:now and get to spend a lot of
time investing in our marriage.
722
:And our biggest focus is
just our marriage, right?
723
:Um, so there's a lot of gifts
within this season of waiting.
724
:That once I shifted my mindset
to, to recognizing those gifts
725
:and to cherishing this time, it
completely changed my demeanor.
726
:Yeah.
727
:Yeah.
728
:I'm also wondering too, and,
and freedom to share as much
729
:or as little as as you'd like.
730
:Yeah.
731
:Mm-hmm.
732
:But how you, you talked about Trey,
you've been talking about how, you know,
733
:cherishing these times, these, this small
season that you are just the two of you.
734
:How has this season of waiting
affected you, like in your or.
735
:Not you, but your marriage and Trey, like
how have you seen a strengthening of your
736
:marriage by this being like it's because
it's, I mean, we talk about, we're both
737
:women, so we're talking about it and, and
I think a lot of times too in this, what
738
:whatever is going on with fertility for
anybody, we focus a lot on the women, but
739
:we forget about, it takes two to tango.
740
:Like we forget about the men and maybe the
suffering that they're experiencing too.
741
:So can you speak into a little bit on how.
742
:You guys have been able to be in
this season of waiting together.
743
:How has it strengthened your marriage?
744
:What have you guys done to be
intentional about doing this?
745
:Toge?
746
:Waiting together?
747
:Mm-hmm.
748
:Yeah.
749
:Yeah.
750
:One of just the biggest gifts and
fruits that have has been born.
751
:Um, waiting and infertility has been,
um, just how close we have become in our
752
:marriage and how much it has strengthened
our marriage, which is just another thing
753
:that I'm so grateful for, because grief
and suffering can either tear you apart.
754
:Or make you closer than anything.
755
:And we have worked hard to lean into
each other and to lean into God together.
756
:And through that we have built truly,
like so much trust and intimacy in our
757
:relationship over the past four years
of trying to grow our family together.
758
:Um, because.
759
:People as much as like you share
parts of your suffering with friends,
760
:um, close friends or family, or, you
know, even publicly to an extent.
761
:I've shared parts of our
story, um, on Instagram.
762
:No one sees what it's
like behind closed doors.
763
:Like no one sees you pulled over on
the couch, just completely broken
764
:down, and your husband holding you.
765
:Right.
766
:Like no one sees those
moments, but your spouse.
767
:And so those moments are such an
intimate opportunity to receive
768
:each other in grief and be like,
I love you and I'm here for you.
769
:And.
770
:I'm here either just to listen to you or
to point you back to Christ or to give you
771
:logical things that we can, like whatever
you, you learn to know like, okay, in
772
:what different moments of suffering and
grief, like, do we need different things?
773
:Sometimes we just need to cry it out.
774
:And it makes us feel better.
775
:Sometimes we need to hear the logical
thing of like, look at all the things that
776
:are on our list to do, that we can work on
medically and our, and in our health that
777
:like we still haven't even touched yet.
778
:Like there's so much hope.
779
:There's times when like what you
need is like a pep talk of just like.
780
:You know, like God is good and
God's doing so much in our lives and
781
:like he holds us in our suffering
and to learn how to support each
782
:other in each of our suffering.
783
:And each of our journeys with this has
been so, yeah, intimate is like the
784
:word that I can use and I know that
like we've reached a level of trust and
785
:intimacy that like we ha would not have
reached or like could not have been
786
:reached except for through suffering.
787
:Um.
788
:And, and also just so much like love
and appreciation for the other person.
789
:I think especially when it comes to
infertility, depending on who, um,
790
:where you're finding a lot of the
roadblocks, like as a woman, we can
791
:be like, wow, like this is my fault.
792
:Like, I'm so sorry.
793
:Like, there's been times where I've,
where I've gotten to that point
794
:where I'm like, I'm so sorry, Trey.
795
:Like I'm sorry that this is
happening to you because of me.
796
:Like, I'm sorry that you have to
deal with my body or that you had
797
:to like that you didn't know this
was coming when you married me.
798
:Like, I'm so sorry.
799
:Trust and intimacy and love
is built because he looks at
800
:me and he's just like, stop.
801
:Yeah.
802
:And I'm literally gonna get
emotional talking about it,
803
:but he's just like, yeah.
804
:You don't have to
apologize for who you are.
805
:You don't have to apologize
for how God made you like.
806
:None of this has been your fault.
807
:None of this is your wrongdoing.
808
:And like I choose to love
you regardless of what our
809
:fertility looks like right now.
810
:I rejoice in our marriage
regardless of what, like the number
811
:of children we have right now.
812
:And like, I didn't choose to marry
you because you were going to bear
813
:my children like I chose to marry you
because I loved the person that you
814
:were and I knew you were the person
God called me to run to heaven towards.
815
:And so those moments where we just like.
816
:Yeah.
817
:Or just like, you know,
stuck in our grief.
818
:Our spouse is the one that can
like pull us out and point us back.
819
:Yeah.
820
:You have an amazing husband.
821
:Like how truly beautiful, even
822
:Wow.
823
:I'm just like, I'm sitting
in what you're saying.
824
:Mm-hmm.
825
:And I'm just.
826
:I'm So, you know it, you
talked about gratitude earlier.
827
:Mm-hmm.
828
:And when you are in those moments
of suffering, it can be so hard to
829
:find something to be grateful for.
830
:And honestly, yeah.
831
:I've been there too, where
you're in an intense.
832
:Moment of suffering.
833
:Mm-hmm.
834
:And you're like gratitude.
835
:Like, are, are you kidding me right now?
836
:Like, you want me to be grateful
for, but when I, but my therapist
837
:keeps telling me that I need to be
grateful for things and that's gonna
838
:overcome this, the, the, this, you
know, not overcome the suffering,
839
:but at least make it intentional.
840
:And that is exactly what it is.
841
:Surrendering in gratitude, finding
the things that are good around
842
:you, because we can focus so easily.
843
:I, I can focus so easily on
what is going wrong around me,
844
:especially I'm, I'm a total fixer.
845
:Yeah.
846
:And in my, especially in my
marriage, but even just in
847
:regular relationships around me.
848
:Mm-hmm.
849
:The Lord has had to teach
me that I can't fix people.
850
:I, I can fix problems,
but I can't fix people.
851
:And, and that is the exact, you know,
of, of the letting go of that suffering.
852
:Mm-hmm.
853
:And then also too, just the beauty of
your husband saying, you are not broken.
854
:Mm-hmm.
855
:I love you no matter what.
856
:Mm-hmm.
857
:Is or is not happening.
858
:I and him holding you mm-hmm.
859
:During that time.
860
:And it is, as you said too, it is.
861
:Ugly when Yeah.
862
:You're in like ugly crying.
863
:Okay.
864
:And you just, you're realizing
that I, you have no control.
865
:Yeah.
866
:Over this and having to surrender
it is an ugly surrender.
867
:But the crucifixion also
was, was pretty ugly.
868
:Too.
869
:Yeah.
870
:I mean, if you've, I, I'm sure you've
seen passion of the Christ, like
871
:anybody who hasn't, I, I purposefully,
I don't think I've watched, I try to
872
:watch it every Good Friday, but it
just, sometimes it doesn't happen.
873
:'cause I just, you, you, I just can't, you
have to, this might come as a surprise.
874
:It usually shocks everybody.
875
:I have never seen it.
876
:I literally have never seen it because I.
877
:It's just so hilarious.
878
:Like, I have always avoided
suffering my whole life.
879
:I literally hate ing.
880
:Yes.
881
:And it is, it, it like, it
weighs really heavily on me.
882
:And so like, I can't watch
like really dark things.
883
:I have like a really hard time
with like really hard, like news,
884
:news head, what's it called?
885
:Like headline news.
886
:That's like headline Headlines.
887
:Headlines, yeah.
888
:Yeah.
889
:Um, so yeah, I literally haven't
watched the Passion of Christ.
890
:'cause I have heard.
891
:How difficult it is to watch and I'm
like, I haven't even watched like
892
:the very last couple episodes of The
Chosen, although I love the chosen.
893
:So hard.
894
:And I'm like, I can't
see Jesus be crucified.
895
:So Yeah.
896
:It's ugly.
897
:Yeah, it's ugly.
898
:Yeah.
899
:Oh my gosh.
900
:It is.
901
:Yeah.
902
:But then, ha, but having that, having that
good husband that's there to, it's such
903
:a gift to walk with you through that too.
904
:It is such a gift.
905
:Mm-hmm.
906
:And you know, I keep going
back to the thought too.
907
:You said that.
908
:You're kind of the first suffering really
that you experienced was engagement.
909
:Yeah.
910
:Yeah.
911
:And for you, I mean, yes, it was
COVID, but I have not heard of
912
:one, at least Catholic engagement.
913
:That hasn't been a total, like it's hard.
914
:It's a show.
915
:I mean, it is.
916
:It's hard.
917
:It is so hard, but it's repair.
918
:It's honestly, I think it's just
preparing us for marriage is.
919
:So awesome and so good and it
is so hard depending what with
920
:whatever cross that that you're
given in, in that marriage and yeah.
921
:But.
922
:Allowing it to bring the two of you
closer rather than letting it, you
923
:know, put a, a wedge between you.
924
:'cause you see that too, right?
925
:There's really two ways that this can go.
926
:You guys aren't gonna
be the same after this.
927
:Mm-hmm.
928
:You're either gonna be farther apart
or you're gonna be closer than ever.
929
:Mm-hmm.
930
:And by God's grace, we can, we can strive
to be closer than ever and just hold each
931
:other in our suffering and just Yeah.
932
:Feeling.
933
:The suffering you talked about earlier
too, not dismissing the bad feelings,
934
:not dismissing the, the sadness or
fear or whatever that, whatever that
935
:feeling may be, feeling it, but then
in that feeling, surrendering it.
936
:So, mm-hmm.
937
:Your story is really, really
beautiful and inspiring.
938
:Thank you.
939
:And you praise God for your
husband and just how, how
940
:supportive he's been for you too.
941
:That's really, really beautiful.
942
:Yeah.
943
:I'm so grateful over him.
944
:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
945
:Well, as we wrap up, why don't we
end with, if there, let's say that
946
:there's a woman that it, let's say
we're talking to Mari four years ago.
947
:What do you want to tell her?
948
:What do you wanna tell a listener
that is similar to you and in this
949
:season of waiting, struggling?
950
:Mm-hmm.
951
:And struggling to even see
God as good in this suffering.
952
:Right.
953
:I know.
954
:What do you, what do you wanna tell her?
955
:Yeah.
956
:God is writing your story.
957
:He did not forget you.
958
:He did not walk away.
959
:He did not mess up or accidentally
switch your story with someone else's.
960
:I know that I felt that for about like
the first year and a half of our journey.
961
:I was so in denial.
962
:I was like, this isn't,
this isn't happening to me.
963
:This isn't real.
964
:God messed up like I thought God.
965
:Accidentally swapped my
chapter with someone else's.
966
:And I was like, Hey, when
are you gonna realize that?
967
:Like, you walked away, you stopped
writing, like you picked up the pen and
968
:you stopped writing this incredible story
we had going and you just forgot about me.
969
:And because of that, now I'm screwed.
970
:Like now I got someone else's bad story.
971
:Um, and the perspective I stand in now
and so much has happened in the last four
972
:years that has made it so clear that.
973
:God has been writing my story the
entire time and that he knew from the
974
:moment he thought me into existence
that this was coming and that this
975
:was part of my story, and he knows
the resurrection that is coming.
976
:He know how.
977
:He knows how that's going to come and
how it's going to impact me in my life.
978
:Um, and we just, in our humanity and our
littleness, like, we just don't see that.
979
:And that is the biggest act of trust
we can make, is to just know that
980
:like he's good and that he has a plan.
981
:Um.
982
:And the biggest advice I have is seek
first the kingdom and his righteousness,
983
:and everything else will be given to you.
984
:That's my favorite Bible verse.
985
:It's the verse I anchor my
whole life in Matthew 6 33.
986
:If we orient our entire life towards
seeking heaven, seeking the kingdom.
987
:Everything else is gonna work out.
988
:Like that's what GI gives me peace to.
989
:Like a very like type A planner type
of person and who's trying to figure
990
:out how everything's gonna work out.
991
:It's like all you have to set your
mind on is like living for Christ, um,
992
:living a life worthy of heaven and like
everything's gonna fall into place.
993
:And that's, it's much
easier said than done.
994
:It takes a lot of surrender,
definitely letting go of control.
995
:Um, but I know the Lord.
996
:It has written a beautiful
story in my life.
997
:I know he didn't walk away, and I know
that for the woman who's going through
998
:this right now and feels really stuck as
well, I know that that is true for them.
999
:Um, and one day it will
unfold and we'll see that.
:
00:49:22,657 --> 00:49:24,337
And maybe it'll be on this side of heaven.
:
00:49:24,337 --> 00:49:27,307
Maybe it will be hopefully when we
get to heaven and we get to see the
:
00:49:27,307 --> 00:49:29,467
fullness of why it all had to happen.
:
00:49:30,307 --> 00:49:34,267
But, um, the Lord is absolutely
writing your story and it is good.
:
00:49:36,727 --> 00:49:37,237
Amen.
:
00:49:37,687 --> 00:49:38,017
Yeah.
:
00:49:38,977 --> 00:49:41,347
Thank you so much for
sharing your story, Marie.
:
00:49:41,347 --> 00:49:43,477
That was so inspiring, at least.
:
00:49:43,537 --> 00:49:47,557
I mean, I, I know to me it was
incredibly inspiring and I know to
:
00:49:47,617 --> 00:49:52,267
our listeners it's just, yeah, it's
really gonna be so inspiring to them.
:
00:49:52,267 --> 00:49:54,907
So thank you so, so much for sharing.
:
00:49:55,087 --> 00:49:58,717
If somebody wants to find you, I know
you have a really thriving social media
:
00:49:58,717 --> 00:50:01,687
account and you've got your podcasts
and everything, so tell us all the
:
00:50:01,687 --> 00:50:02,797
things and where we can find you.
:
00:50:02,977 --> 00:50:03,817
Yes, exactly.
:
00:50:03,817 --> 00:50:04,507
So my.
:
00:50:04,802 --> 00:50:09,212
Personal account on social
media is at Mari Do c Wagner.
:
00:50:09,302 --> 00:50:13,532
Um, our business West Coast
Catholic is at West Coast Catholic.
:
00:50:14,042 --> 00:50:19,232
Um, the podcast is at ever be
podcast, think that's all of
:
00:50:19,232 --> 00:50:20,702
the Instagrams that I have.
:
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:23,942
Um, and then our website, you
can shop our Catholic lifestyle
:
00:50:23,942 --> 00:50:25,712
brand@westcoastcatholic.co.
:
00:50:27,302 --> 00:50:27,752
Awesome.
:
00:50:27,752 --> 00:50:28,922
Thank you so much, Marie.
:
00:50:29,942 --> 00:50:30,602
Thanks Haley.
:
00:50:31,311 --> 00:50:33,201
I hope that you enjoyed that episode.
:
00:50:33,201 --> 00:50:37,041
I know that I just enjoyed that
conversation so much and felt so
:
00:50:37,041 --> 00:50:40,011
much freedom just to be honest
and share about our journey.
:
00:50:40,041 --> 00:50:44,361
Um, so I hope that is helpful to you
if you have a friend or family member
:
00:50:44,361 --> 00:50:48,111
going through something similar or if
you yourself are going through this.
:
00:50:48,111 --> 00:50:50,421
I hope that was encouraging for you.
:
00:50:50,511 --> 00:50:54,351
Um, let's get into our ever
be answers for this week.
:
00:50:54,681 --> 00:50:58,281
The questions that we are gonna
be answering are how to support
:
00:50:58,281 --> 00:51:01,311
a friend who is struggling with
infertility and miscarriage and not
:
00:51:01,311 --> 00:51:04,311
doing very well, which I thought
was very fitting for this episode.
:
00:51:04,611 --> 00:51:09,141
And then in our after party
segment, we will be answering how
:
00:51:09,141 --> 00:51:13,791
to navigate not participating in
a non-Catholic wedding and what my
:
00:51:13,791 --> 00:51:15,891
thoughts are on veiling, uh, mass.
:
00:51:16,906 --> 00:51:21,256
So, jumping into the first question, how
to support a friend who is struggling
:
00:51:21,256 --> 00:51:22,726
with infertility and miscarriage.
:
00:51:23,086 --> 00:51:26,626
I have a whole episode that I
recorded with a dear friend of mine
:
00:51:26,656 --> 00:51:30,616
who is going through infertility
and has had multiple miscarriages.
:
00:51:30,646 --> 00:51:34,366
Um, and we share very, very
candidly what has been helpful,
:
00:51:34,366 --> 00:51:36,136
what is not helpful to say.
:
00:51:36,496 --> 00:51:40,396
Um, so you can go back into the
episodes to try and find that one.
:
00:51:41,026 --> 00:51:47,074
And then just specific things would
be in conversations to periodically
:
00:51:47,074 --> 00:51:52,264
ask how things are going, but don't
ask that every time you see them.
:
00:51:52,474 --> 00:51:56,704
It's not a topic that we wanna talk about
a lot, and I think that in the season
:
00:51:56,704 --> 00:52:00,904
of life where people are getting married
and having kids, it almost seems like.
:
00:52:01,324 --> 00:52:06,844
Family life and mom life and
kid convos becomes kind of the
:
00:52:06,844 --> 00:52:11,674
bulk or like the majority of
conversations that women are having.
:
00:52:11,674 --> 00:52:14,824
And so that often can
make you feel left out.
:
00:52:14,824 --> 00:52:19,504
And then when people's only questions
for you are how is your fertility
:
00:52:19,504 --> 00:52:22,444
journey going or how are your doctor's
appointments going, kind of makes you
:
00:52:22,444 --> 00:52:25,174
feel like that's all you really are.
:
00:52:25,204 --> 00:52:29,674
Um, and so I think asking periodically
from time to time is nice.
:
00:52:29,689 --> 00:52:29,769
'cause.
:
00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:34,789
You do wanna share with close friends,
but I wouldn't ask every time, um,
:
00:52:34,789 --> 00:52:36,559
and just ask about other things.
:
00:52:36,559 --> 00:52:41,599
And that way you're supporting us by
making us realize like, oh, our fertility
:
00:52:41,599 --> 00:52:44,239
isn't, like all our life is about.
:
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:47,779
So ask about hobbies or
work or marriage, um,
:
00:52:47,859 --> 00:52:50,049
and that way you can talk about
a lot of other things that
:
00:52:50,049 --> 00:52:51,639
aren't fertility or motherhood.
:
00:52:51,689 --> 00:52:56,369
Another thing that you can do to support
somebody going through this is to just
:
00:52:56,369 --> 00:53:00,629
have small, intentional gestures when you
know they're going through hard times.
:
00:53:00,839 --> 00:53:04,649
So if you know they're not doing well, if
you know every single month getting their
:
00:53:04,649 --> 00:53:06,569
period is like absolutely wrecking them.
:
00:53:06,899 --> 00:53:07,889
Maybe knowing.
:
00:53:07,969 --> 00:53:12,589
Kind of when that happens and bringing
them a tea or bringing them some
:
00:53:12,589 --> 00:53:14,809
flowers or writing them a sweet card.
:
00:53:15,079 --> 00:53:19,489
I know for Mother's Day, I've had several
friends who send me a handwritten card in
:
00:53:19,489 --> 00:53:23,989
the mail that arrives around the week of
Mother's Day, and it has touched my heart
:
00:53:23,989 --> 00:53:28,509
so much because they know Mother's Day has
been a hard day for me, given that it's
:
00:53:28,659 --> 00:53:33,579
my dream to be a mom, but I haven't been
able to participate well in that holiday.
:
00:53:33,579 --> 00:53:35,469
So that's also a really sweet thing.
:
00:53:35,709 --> 00:53:40,239
Or if you know your friend is going
through any surgeries or hard treatments.
:
00:53:40,569 --> 00:53:44,679
Offering to bring a meal after those
surgeries or bringing them flowers
:
00:53:44,679 --> 00:53:48,459
or a treat or something just to
lift their spirit after a surgery
:
00:53:48,459 --> 00:53:50,049
or a difficult treatment like that.
:
00:53:50,195 --> 00:53:54,965
I would also just avoid saying things
like, everything happens for a reason,
:
00:53:54,965 --> 00:53:56,915
or maybe you're just not ready yet.
:
00:53:56,945 --> 00:54:01,085
Or especially avoid saying things
like when you stop stressing
:
00:54:01,085 --> 00:54:02,495
about it, then it'll happen.
:
00:54:02,495 --> 00:54:05,945
Just try and not worry about it,
because that's just not realistic and
:
00:54:05,945 --> 00:54:07,385
it doesn't make anybody feel good.
:
00:54:07,415 --> 00:54:10,805
It makes people feel like it's
their fault that they're not able to
:
00:54:11,135 --> 00:54:14,885
conceive a child or keep a pregnancy
because they're quote unquote, too
:
00:54:14,885 --> 00:54:17,195
worried about it when in reality.
:
00:54:17,255 --> 00:54:19,025
Moms worry about their kids.
:
00:54:19,235 --> 00:54:20,585
They will their whole lives.
:
00:54:20,585 --> 00:54:25,205
And women who are going through this are
wanting to be mothers and they're gonna
:
00:54:25,205 --> 00:54:29,585
worry about their future kids just as much
as current moms worry about their kids.
:
00:54:29,585 --> 00:54:29,795
So.
:
00:54:30,485 --> 00:54:31,625
I hope that was helpful.
:
00:54:31,955 --> 00:54:34,475
, And know that I'm praying for you
if this is something you're going
:
00:54:34,475 --> 00:54:38,885
through and we'll say a prayer today
for you or for whoever is listening
:
00:54:38,885 --> 00:54:41,705
or whoever, friends or family that
you have that's going through this.
:
00:54:41,705 --> 00:54:45,005
Um, I know it's a really difficult
cross, so lifting you all up in prayer
:
00:54:45,365 --> 00:54:49,235
and hope to see you at the after party
to get into the rest of the q and a.
:
00:54:49,505 --> 00:54:52,955
If you want in on the fun
there, you can click the join
:
00:54:52,985 --> 00:54:54,875
Patreon link in the show notes.
:
00:54:55,145 --> 00:54:55,985
Thanks so much guys.
:
00:54:55,985 --> 00:54:57,485
Have a wonderful day.
