Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

The hosts discuss the concept of a midlife crisis and whether it is real. They explore the stereotypes associated with midlife crises, such as men buying sports cars and dating younger women. They share personal experiences and question the idea that making changes in midlife is a crisis. They emphasize the importance of living life on one's own terms and not being influenced by others' opinions. The conversation highlights the need for personal happiness and the freedom to make choices that bring fulfillment. The conversation explores the concept of a midlife crisis and how it can be seen as a positive opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. The speakers discuss the importance of living an authentic life and pursuing happiness, even if it means making unconventional choices. They emphasize the need to take control of one's own life and make decisions that align with personal desires and goals. The conversation also touches on the significance of relationships, both in terms of finding the right partner and surrounding oneself with supportive people. Overall, the conversation encourages listeners to embrace their midlife journey and live life to the fullest without regrets.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This twisted. I am Rob along with my cohost as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm hanging in there Rob, I'm kind of crabby today but I'm gonna pull through this shit. We are pulling through.

That's right, we are pulling through. Yes. So, all in all, we are in warm, sunny California weather these days, about to get even more hot, but we, you know, we always plan our shows about five minutes before we click what's going on. So,

Mmm.

We were talking about a couple of shows that we have in the queue and I read one on is midlife crisis real? I forgot who gave it to me, but obviously someone did because I wrote it in and I don't think it was me. It does say male or female. Like do they both exist? And I was kind of telling you right before and the the assumption is that men have them, right? Because

Mmm.

Mm hmm. Because they leave their wives by a Corvette and get a 20 year old. Yeah.

because of the...

Yeah, so that's generally is what happens or has happened in the past. I think now, you know, we talked about it before divorce is done 80 % by women these days. So maybe they're having the midlife crisis for whatever reason. But I think on everything we. Midlife crisis to me is is very jaded because I think we have more money when we're older, you know, if you're.

as you keep going, you know, like everyone would buy a Corvette at 25 if we could afford it. You know what I mean? But I do think, I think they exist on some level. I think it's funny because right when I said that you were like, people think I had one. Explain.

Mm -hmm.

I getcha.

Yeah, they did. I was I was accused of having by several people that I was having a midlife crisis Why are you leaving your husband? You guys have a good relationship and we did but it wasn't working for us anymore on any level that we wanted to stay together with and then By in the Harley. Yeah, you're definitely having a midlife crisis. You're spending all your divorce money. Yada. Yada. Yada. I'm like I'm making

I'm making my payments. I'm taking care of my own shit. Like I didn't, you know, I didn't go out and buy a Harley to piss off anybody. I bought it because I wanted one since I was about 20. And if I didn't do it when I did, would I ever? No, absolutely not. I'm getting too old for that shit. I'm 53 years old. Like you should have that kind of stuff established already. And then, you know, dating younger people. I did date a couple of younger people.

yeah, like quite a ways back and it was fun. It wasn't for me. It didn't go anywhere. We didn't have it go anywhere. And, and that was the end of that. So, I guess by definition, I had a midlife crisis, but in my head, everything that I did was logical and rational. And I put a lot of thought into everything that I did. I didn't just jump into anything and I didn't think that I was.

being dangerous with myself or anybody else. I wasn't like that. So was it a midlife crisis? I don't know. I just didn't want to be miserable anymore. And I had gotten myself into a situation where I was miserable. And I had to change that. Is that a crisis? Maybe. Because you know, life isn't getting any, we're not getting any more days stacked on to the end of our life. We're

Hmm.

Mm -hmm.

We're losing them on a daily. So I just feel like it was time. It was time to live the life that I wanted to live. And is it perfect? Absolutely not. There's nothing perfect living with your father. And that's where I'm at right now until the construction is done. But there's a lot of things that are better because of it.

Correct.

Yeah, I think that there's certain things that we end up doing that the ramifications of doing that end up being better, you know?

Yeah, absolutely. And it needed to be better. I mean, he wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. And now when we go out to lunch or whatever, to discuss whatever's going on, whatever we need to talk about, it is inevitable that he will say to me, life is really good, teen, enjoy it. And I ask him, I said, is it really good? Is it better without me? And he goes, my life wouldn't be what it is without you.

But yeah, it's kind of nice not having to answer to anybody. It's kind of nice not having to worry about what somebody else is going to think. If I leave my underwear on the floor, you're not going to remind me to put them in the hamper. And I said, like I ever did that, because he was the one that told me to put my stuff in the hamper. But that was just the ride that we were on, talking about things. And I think that I'm.

Whether it was a crisis or not, it was just things needed to change. And they did. And now we have a good relationship as far as we are friends and we communicate. And he could still be a part of my family and I could still be a part of his because he was a part of it for 22 years. And is it a crisis to get along with each other? I don't think that's even part of it, you know? So I don't know.

No, I think that's just being, having a...

That's being me. I don't let go of good people. I try to keep them around. If they don't want to love me the way that I need it, then we could all change our positions in our relationships and keep going. It doesn't have to be the end of everything.

To me, I mean, I don't think I had a midlife crisis even though at 40...

445 somewhere over there somewhere around there. I ended up dating a girl who was a lot younger than me She was 25 which ended up just being a fucking car accident. Like it was it was There was good about it, but there was a shit ton of bad and it and it really kind of put a bad taste in my mouth on young people I'm really like I told

He he.

several people around my life, I probably won't go any lower than 48 and I'll be 53 in a couple of days. I just, there's a cutoff of maturity for me and there's also a cutoff of knowledge. Like I can't, I want to be able to go, hey, you remember this? And they go, yeah, of course. Because that's important to me. Cause you can, that's the things that you bond over. You know what I mean?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, no, I get it.

Like those are those things where you're like, yeah, we remember this and we remember that, we remember this. That's important. When I dated this young girl, I would talk about something and she was like, no, I don't understand.

You know, when I dated the younger guy that I was talking about, he was a teacher.

And he was brilliant. He had a very brilliant mind. He was very smart. And I enjoyed hanging out with him because he knew that in order to date an older woman, he needed to put some serious attention into it. You know, there had to be dates that were created and there had to be space and time to do that. And he was really smart and he...

Mm -hmm.

planned it well. We had a good time, but there was that sort of, you know, he still wanted to have kids. I was not going to have kids. You know, he still had a life that he had to have, and I didn't want and couldn't get in the way of that.

And, and that's, as much as we had fun and we, we became really good friends. It had to, it had to go another route because we were both in different places in our lives, but still just a really cool person. yeah, I was fortunate. It was probably one of my better dating experiences. Can't believe I'm saying that, but.

Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, look around you. Have you seen people who've had midlife crisis?

I don't know because I would say when I was younger and being an outsider looking in and how like the women that I knew described midlife crisis, I would say yes, few of them did. But then if I look at my life, I could be put in that same, I could be looked at in the same perspective. So I don't know. I mean, I think it's possible. I think sometimes people go off the deep end for no reason for sure. But they...

There's gotta be something wrong that they're just not able to fix and that's what's making them change their mind and do what they're doing.

Yeah, do I think people go off the deep end? Probably. I think that there's, I don't think it's on the level that most people would argue though. I think people like to use the midlife crisis theory as an escape for them, either their own unhappiness or the other person's happiness. Because it can be seen very much like, in your case, I'll give you the example. It's like, you went and bought a motorcycle. Cool.

In my head, the first thing in my head wasn't, Tina's going through a midlife crisis. I was just like, all right, cool. Whatever you need to do to, to me, a lot of things is whatever tickles your pickle. You have to be able to do things that most people might question. And I think that's why people think it's a midlife crisis. Because they go, there's no way I would ever do that. That's obviously crazy.

Mm -hmm.

and they, they're very, very open about how I'm crazy, how I'm probably going to die on my bike, how, it's not a good look for a woman that's straight. I've been told some shit about having a motorcycle, like pure bullshit, you know? And I look at people and I'm like, God, am I glad I don't live by your rules. And I've actually said that to people because I'm like, let me get this straight. You're.

you're gonna put it out there so I'm gonna put it out there. And I'm glad I don't live by your rules, because that's like, that wouldn't make me happy being that way. I don't have that much life in me to want to judge people on that level.

For sure, I just don't have the time for that. Happiness to me is very personal. And if you can be happy, sometimes you've got to tell people to fuck off. And people don't want to hear that shit. I'm trying to find a... I had...

Catch ya!

My Instagram here. Okay, so here's here's the quote that it's from a guy who wrote a book called the subtle art of not giving a fuck which is amazing book if you have if you want to sit down, but here's this quote and I think this goes along with midlife crisis very very good It says if someone great ha if something great happens in your life and the people around you aren't happy for you That's a problem find new people And

Yeah, that's exactly it.

To me, that hits very hard on a lot of levels. Cause you know, we talked about it not too long ago, friends, family, they will find a way to shit on your good happiness in a second. Mostly if they're not happy. They will bury you in a thing of, are you sure? You shouldn't do this and I wouldn't do that. And I don't like her and she's bad and this and next thing you know, you're like.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Is anything I'm doing okay? It's like, yeah. I was thinking of maybe having a piece of pizza. Is it all right with you guys? So, I...

Yeah, can I scratch myself and let it be alright with you?

Yeah. You know, I, I don't understand that either because I've been told four times in probably the last two months, I couldn't wait to call and tell you about my good news because I know that you're always going to be happy for me. You're like my own personal cheerleader. I literally heard those words in different, different ways four times in the last two months. And I thought to myself, that makes me happy because.

I want my friends to be happy. I want them to live the life that is so freaking bold that they can't, they don't even have room to be upset with anything or anybody because they're living their lives. I truly do want to be that person for them because the happier my people are, the happier I'm going to be. It's just how life works. You know, you either, you either raise people up and you have people that are, that are happy and doing things and.

and confident or you put them down and you leave them in the mud, but you're going to be stuck with them either way. So shit, I don't want to be like that. I don't want people telling me what to do. I have a friend that every time I say something, it's, it's another question. It's another, it's another like, well, what about this? I'm like, I don't know. And I don't want to know. If you want to know you asks you, you ask, don't put it on me. I don't want to know.

Mm -hmm.

Right.

I don't want to fix it. I don't want to care. I just want to sit back with my popcorn and watch and see what happens because I learned by that too.

You know, you start looking at the things that people change, and you can look at midlife as whatever. I guess, you know, when we were growing up, midlife was 40. I know, but.

Mm -hmm. Well, it is 40 because you're gonna live to be in your what like 80s. That's pretty much like, you know, that's the norm

That's the norm. Yeah. So, I mean, at 40, I was, where was I at 40? I think I had just got divorced and moved to Vegas. So maybe, I mean, maybe, I mean, that, I mean, I don't know if it was my midlife crisis, but it was definitely my, hey, I needed to do something different because I had issues with being stagnant.

Mmm.

Was that your midlife crisis?

in both my relationship and just life in general. I was very much, hey, I'm just going to stay here. And I could have, there was a few things. I mean, I owned a house at the time. So I think there's something to that to where, you know, I was like, why would I want to sell this and blah, blah, blah. Lo and behold, I ended up losing my house anyway. So, you know, but I think my ex looked at me, she gave me a lot of shit for like,

picking up all my life and moving it to another state when the whole time I was with her, I didn't wanna do that kind of thing. So I think as I got out of that, maybe it was a small midlife crisis, but I think it was more of also just a life -changing experiment that I had to do. Because I ended up coming back obviously to California, and then I lived in a place for almost nine years, and then just did the same thing.

I got up and was like, I'm moving two hours away from there and I'm just gonna do it to do it. And I think I'm in a better place financially for sure. I can walk around in my underwear in my house. There's good things that come from that. So for me, midlife, whatever you wanna call it,

Change is good. And if changing is, hey, I can afford a Corvette, I'm gonna do it. If I can afford a boob job and that's what you're looking for, to me, that's not a midlife crisis. If you're 50 and you want a boob job, go get one.

Mm -hmm.

Or you want a Harley? Go get one. Fuck this. Who? I don't know who made the rules, but I don't think I would want to live their life. I want to live my life. I want to go by my own rules. And I don't even like rules, to be honest with you. I think you should live by the golden rule. But other than that, live your life. Do what you got to do. If you don't like your schedule, change it. If you don't like the color of your house, change it. If you don't like the city you're living in, move. Like, do something.

Yeah.

If you're gonna sit there and be miserable, nobody's gonna want to talk to you. Nobody. I won't.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, and if they want and if they want to call it a midlife crisis more power to the other person Like I said if that that quote is great. It's if the people don't want to be happy for you get new people because you have to be happy and if that's a midlife crisis, then we're The people who aren't having them are doing it wrong like I think that

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

That's the bigger thing, right? Like you should have, look, a real crisis can turn into something very beautiful, right?

Yeah, anything that forces change. Anything.

Right, and the next thing you know, you're on a Harley driving down the coast. You know what I mean? You have to, and I think that that's the best part about the so -called midlife crisis. Do people have them? If we're gonna have to pick a side, I will say yes. Even the extreme ones, like again,

The crisis is you need to change things. Like, I think what happens is you get to an age and you look at your life and you think, my gosh, I only have so many more years to live. What am I going to do to make it better? And if I'm living with somebody that I can never make happy, forget it. I think that's where the crisis comes from. It's not even a crisis. It's like, we're not making each other happy. We don't need to be together.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

We could change things right now and just go at it. And I think that that's where I was at. So crisis, I don't know.

Well, and I think, like I said, the people around you, they see it as a midlife crisis when you just see it as change.

I just see it as, fuck it, I just don't care to take on anybody else's beliefs anymore. You know, when you're young, you're taught to believe in the church and you believe in your parents and believe in your grandparents and believe in these certain things. And then you grow up and you're like, they're just as messed up as the rest of us are. Come on now. But you were taught to believe in things that you find later on that it's not what we were served wasn't the truth.

And then you get to the point where you're like, well, shit, if everybody else is doing all these things, like, why can't I live my life? And I think that that's what causes the change.

Totally. And when you look at it from a very simple point of view like that, it's easy to go, okay, I want to have a midlife crisis. Because sometimes, yeah. Because I think, you know, people are, I know a lot of people that are going through things, right? And look, life can be difficult, like very difficult. And we've all had those years. And I think that...

Hmm, I agree

At the end of the day, we've all pulled ourselves out of the gutter. Because you have to. At some point.

over and over again.

But if the people around you, like let's say you decide to, whatever, I'll give you the woman standpoint, although you guys do it quite often, but let's say you've been a blonde your whole life, and the next day you come and you're a fiery redhead like Reba McEntire. Somebody around you will say, she's going through a midlife crisis. Why'd she do that? Or,

Mm -hmm.

you shave half your head and keep the rest of it big, whatever the fuck you want to look at it from the point of view of, because those people would never do that regardless if they thought they were going through a midlife crisis. So when you step back and you look at your life and you go, everyone around me is judging me. It's like, who gives a shit? Let them call it a midlife crisis if you want to.

whatever, whatever your next step in life is, there's, good for you. Because if you don't take that leap of crisisness or the leap of faith to do something different, you're never gonna put yourself in the position to have that midlife crisis. And I think that you have to, right? You...

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, you definitely have to live your life. You just have to.

Cause where would you be? Right? Think that, you know, you went through this very difficult time in your life. You did all these things. And I remember before we got on the air that day, you were like, I bought a Harley today. And I was like, okay, yeah, right. And you're like, no, no, really, it was a trike. Like I really literally got one. And in my head, I was like, I thought you were, I mean, I know I didn't think you were bullshitting me for sure, but I was like, that's pretty funny. But.

Everybody thought I was bullshitting them. Everybody. Nobody believed me. I had like two friends that believed it was going to happen. But I talked about it a long time in their defense. So I think they thought I was just.

It's one of those things where that it's over and over and over and you keep talking about it and then the next thing you know it happens. And to me, that's the win. That's the win of the crisis, right? You're like, I'm just gonna do it. And it's great. Look, again, we, mostly when you become 40 years old, I think you start seeing things different, right? If you're divorced, you see them way different.

If you're in a bad relationship, you see them way different. If you're in a good relationship, you're probably not having as many, right? Let's just say, but you might be married and in a good place and now things are going well and you do want to come home and go, sweetie, I would really like this car that I wanted for, you know, 20 years. We couldn't afford it. The kids have left. They're on doing their own thing. Can I get it?

Mm -hmm.

The flip of that is maybe she's gonna go, why? You start questioning people on their choices because you're like, you didn't need this for this long. It's like, well, maybe I wanted it the whole time.

You know, when I was still married, my ex needed a car because the one that he was using was stolen and then it was a wrap on that. So I was like, what do you want? What type of car do you want? You could pick whatever the hell you want. I'll make sure you get it. Like, get like a Hot Wheel or a Match.

a matchbox car, like make it like something like badass, just go for it. He didn't do that. Yeah, just do it. You because we can, you know, and he drove this little Corolla around that I had had from like the beginning of time. And and he was, yeah, and he was fine with it. He only went like three miles to work. It was not a big deal. But I was like, get your hot wheel, make it like pinstripe it. I don't care. Do whatever the hell you want. He didn't end up doing that.

Yeah, just because.

Right.

Little beater.

And I wish he would have, but even then at the worst, when we were at our worst in our relationship, I told him, I said, get what you want. I got to the point where being miserable just wasn't an option. And if having a hot wheel car made him happy, get yourself an indigo colored car with, I don't care, do it. But do whatever.

Yeah, get yourself a Mustang.

I don't know. I think I just, I think I learned how to like be happy before the midlife crisis. You know what I mean? I was like, I had it down, like what the theory was on how to live a life that made you happy. I just didn't have a chance to acclimate to it. You know, I didn't make it happen soon enough, but I always knew. I knew what I wanted. Never didn't know what I wanted.

would... huh?

Would you push people to this now?

All the time. Yes. Yes. Yes. You want to cut off your hair and do something different? Do it. If you want to grow your hair out and it's sticking out everywhere and you're just like frustrated with it, but you wanted that, do it. Be bold. Live the life you want. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I just want to see what you're going to do. I want to sit there and I want to watch and I want to see what you become. And I want to see how happy you could be. And I just want to watch. I just want to like,

Maybe something I said made a difference in your life and you did something about it and I'm just happy that you did because ultimately, again, if my friends are happy, I'm gonna be happy. We're all gonna be happy. This is truly how life works. So if it's a midlife crisis and that's what they wanna call it and give it negative connotation, have a midlife crisis. Have two, have a few, do whatever you gotta do.

Yeah.

I would push everyone now to do whatever you think is right for your own life because I've done it over the last at least three years. I would say probably five, you know, taking on a job that I hadn't really been in a long time. Moving far away. I've told several of my friends that...

were either in shitty relationships, in a bad job, didn't like living in California anymore, several different things. Jump. Because my biggest words now to everybody is, what's the worst that can happen?

What is the worst that could happen? You're happy? my god. You have to come home? my god. As long as nobody died, nothing's permanent. Like you could fix anything.

What, it doesn't work? Yeah.

Right, the flip, I think the flip side of everything is you're gonna win, right? And if you're going into that with a positive attitude, you're probably going to make things go a certain way for you. And I had a very close friend who didn't wanna work where they worked anymore. And...

she was going through a bunch of stuff and management changed through the company. And she's like, well, I think I want to leave. And I was like, well, why don't you just try to be the supervisor first and then work on another job afterwards? Well, she ended up getting it, making more money, now in a much better place, just because she took that jump of asking for a certain amount of money.

Mm -hmm.

She was like, it's either this or I need to go. And she was pretty serious about leaving, which I think is good. And not that that's a midlife crisis, but that's something that changes maybe the next thing that is, right? And their domino effect. I believe in the domino effect to a certain degree. I mean, if I didn't come back to California, which...

Mm -hmm.

I just had my anniversary of coming back here. It was like a long time. It was like 12 years ago I came back or something like that. And the domino effect is I had to come back. I stayed with my best friend for a month, which was probably one of the greatest months of my life. Because when you're 40 and you come back and you're, he's married now, but he wasn't then. And it was just me and him in a big ass house.

for 30 days and it was out of control. It was probably one of the best months of my life. From there, I went to my dad's house for 30 days and probably rekindled and saved my relationship with my dad because we had kind of a rough patch at one point. And when I left there, I felt like me and my dad were closer than we had ever been before. And then from there, I went and lived with a roommate for eight years.

Hehehe.

Aww.

that also kind of was like a very great sisterly relationship where I, because I have a younger brother, but this girl was like always in my ear and when she had trouble I got to be, help out with her. Which was a great thing for me, because I think I learned a lot from that as well. And then from there, mismanaging all these different weird relationships that I've had set me on a course to be where I'm at now.

where I live, you know, not alone, because my boy's still with me, but he'll be gone at some point. But that's the one thing I am worried about, because I've talked to a couple of empty nesters, and they're like, you wait, like you think it's gonna be easy, but it's really not. And I was like, you're right, but I've lived alone, you know, in my lifetime, so I should be okay. But these are things that set me on a course of, so,

Maybe that moving to Vegas, my midlife crisis, set my future of meeting certain people, going to different jobs, doing certain things. So maybe that's what we, the midlife crisis should be. It should be a jump off point for a new life. It's not a crisis, it's a midlife journey. It's taking your life and going, hey,

Mm -hmm.

I can control the back end of this life and do what I want to and really look at the mistakes you've made in the past and fix them for the future, whether it's job, relationship, where you live. Because I think those are the big three, right, of human beings, right? Where you're at, who you're with.

Mm -hmm.

And are you, you don't have to be absurdly happy at work. I think that that's kind of a bullshit thing to say, you should be happy at work. No, you should be happy enough to go to work, do your job well and come home. Because everyone being happy at work is a very difficult thing. Where you live is very important. Are you happy in the state you're in? Are you happy in the city you're in? Are things good for you? And then,

Mm -hmm.

The relationship part, assuming you want one, are you with the right person? Are you building that relationship? And do you have an end goal of that relationship? Those are the things I think we should all be working on. Not a crisis, it's a midlife journey. I think that's what we need to start calling these things.

Yeah.

I think it's, you know, I think that the first part of your life and as you're a teenager and stuff, you live for yourself. You're growing, you're evolving, you're becoming the person you want to be. Then you get with somebody and you have kids and then you are not you anymore. You are mom or dad, coach, you know, you're your leader, you're whatever you are, but you take on a different role in life. But as you start to get to your 40s, if you've had your kids earlier in life,

They're leaving, they're moving, they're going off to college, they're doing their own thing. You don't need to be there as much. So that's when you get the chance to reinvent yourself because everybody's been taken care of and accounted for. And now you have a chance to kind of implement what you want back into your own life. And it just goes about that age when you're in your forties. And at 40, that is kind of the midlife. Because if you look most people, 80 is about it.

average so or maybe it's not average maybe it's probably high on the average but nonetheless nonetheless it is when you're at your half -life when you know when that midlife itch comes out you're like I want to do something different I don't I don't want to be in this situation I can't I can't grow anymore I can't evolve anymore and that's truly what I went through we just weren't we weren't

Yes, close enough.

encouraging each other to grow or evolve. And that, when that stagnation happens, you've got to do something about it. And when you're at that age, there's something genetically that makes you want to do something about it that you wouldn't have done earlier. So why not do it if it's genetic, if it's something that comes from your heart inside you? Why wouldn't you do it? Why wouldn't you take back your life?

And I think that's a super important way to look at it. When we start looking at, I love that quote though, you take back your life. And look, if you're a parent and your children are gone, you've done your time, you've done a good job.

Mm -hmm.

You've done your job. I wouldn't say time.

No, but I mean, and I mean that in the utmost respect, I have one. I mean, he's 21. And I don't look at, I say it like that because it's funny and I'm trying to be lighthearted about it. You've raised your children and hopefully they understand that you have a life to live. The back end of your life should belong to you.

and you should live that life with intention, whatever your intention is. If it's to travel the world, have at it. If it's to find the love of your life, get remarried, have at it. If it's to live by yourself on an island in the middle of the ocean, have at it. These are the things that humans, us,

You know, we are a very bizarre creature. As much as people these days, I think, are staying single, you know, we're a community animal, right? We need to be with other human beings. Because when we're not, lots of people end their own lives. So, and mostly as they get older, things were... I was just talking to somebody about suicide today.

Mm -hmm. Yes.

actually. And I asked my kid about it one day, I was like, you know, have you ever thought about it? And he's like, of course, but I wouldn't do it. And, and my friend also said, you know, if it wasn't for my children and religion, I probably wouldn't be here today. And, but I understand that, like there's, like, I've thought about it. I mean, to say that I haven't would, I'd be lying. but I also don't think I would do it. And there's certain things that you do cheat your children.

Mmm.

I think that that's kind of wrong. For me too, I would hate for my parent to have to live through that, you know, at whatever age. My dad's 81 years old and I think it would devastate him to know that I took my own life. But on the flip side of that, I also have this positive thing in the back of my head that things are gonna get better. There's ways of rebuilding. There's...

people that I want to be with. There's, you know, places I want to see. So there's a flash of both sides of that. And also maybe the midlife crisis, like, yeah, life is shitty, but it can get better. And, and I truly believe that. And I have friends that are just like, you know, I'm the hopeless romantic and I also kind of go, things are going to get better. I just told somebody the other day,

we were talking about certain things and I said, no matter what, I got you. And she goes, ditto, you know, like the same. And I go, so this is how we're gonna look at it. I got you if you got me. Like, I'll be there for you. And I know that if I needed something very badly, she would always help me. And there is something about having that in your life. And...

I think if I went to that person with some kind of midlife crisis, like I want to buy a Mustang because I like driving fast now.

Yeah.

She went through something similar in her marriage where I guess her husband bought a Harley and and kind of the same kind of thing in her head because you know, they had children and didn't want to lose somebody blah blah blah so I see both sides of that and You have to live and I kind of told her the same thing you have to live it We only have a minute time. We could not be here tomorrow. So live today to its fullest

Mm -hmm.

That's part of the midlife crisis, I think, in everybody. You should always be living for today.

The crisis is not doing it. That's the crisis. The crisis is not living your life and making yourself happy. The crisis is living a life where you're never truly satisfied with you as a person, with you in your life, with you in whatever you're doing.

Good point.

You have to, the crisis is not living an authentic life that makes you proud of who you are. That's the crisis.

That's a great point. I think that that should be the closing argument of this is the crisis is not living your best life. Because if you're not, and again, sometimes you're going to lose people as you grow. Some people don't want to be on your happy journey.

Mm -hmm.

And you don't want them on it. You only want people that are going to be with you 100 % and happy for whatever the outcome is.

Yeah, supportive in your choice of getting a Harley should have been everybody. Now.

It was not really anybody.

Right, that's what I'm trying to say is that they missed the boat on their, because they wouldn't, I think a lot of those people wouldn't do it themselves, so they don't see living through you. And I...

But they also missed the opportunity to be my cheerleader.

I agree, and I think we really need those.

totally. Totally.

But I think the problem is these days is that there's not enough people doing that. There's so many people poo -pooing on your ideas or your goals or where you see yourself that they just want to not be happy and you not be happy with them. You gotta live. And to me, you're right, the crisis is not doing it.

Mm -hmm.

And then, because here's my thing, if you wanna do something and you don't do it, you don't get the bitch.

Yeah.

you get to sit back and go, I had the chance and I didn't do it. I don't wanna be that guy. And that's why I moved out here. And because I didn't wanna be the person that sat on his hands and just did because it was the easiest way to do it. Sometimes you gotta do the hard shit. Cause when you do the hard shit, you get a good outcome. And sometimes that good shit is...

yeah.

buying a trike and driving it on PCH.

I don't know, I don't think there's anything hard about that. Hard was staying in a relationship I wasn't happy in, and I wasn't fulfilled in and I felt ignored in. And I would say that that's equal, that was the crisis for him as well. We got to a place where we couldn't. The crisis is not having something that brings you joy. I get on that bike and the smells and the scenery and the different changes in.

Mm -hmm.

the temperatures and just everything about feeling the wind on me. Everything about that is good. It showed me, shows me every time I get on it that I'm alive. And I think that is ultimately what we need. We need to find things that make us feel alive. We need to do things that are going to leave us with memories that we're gonna say, fuck yeah, we did that. We did that.

You know, I'm going to be sitting on my deathbed going, I did a lot of stupid shit that I was not smart about. But man, do I got some good stories right now. And I don't have to, there's no regret. I don't want to live with regret. I don't want to do it. And I'm not going to.

All right.

Right, and I think that that's the biggest part of this is if you believe you're having a midlife crisis and the people around you do, and you have no regret over it, you're doing the right thing. Because at the end of the day, this one life we lead, when you're on your deathbed, you'll be able to look back and go,

Mm -hmm.

At least I did it. So I think those are important things and I believe that we all have them, male, female. Maybe just they might be a little different, but I believe that we all do certain things like that. Women are probably the ones buying, you know, $2 ,000 handbags that they could never have. And not you, but let's just go around the thing. But.

Mm -hmm.

Nah.

Not me.

But whatever that thing is that someone would just go, why'd you buy that? I don't understand. It's like, you don't. You're not supposed to understand my midlife journey. No more crisis for the people out there. I think we have to do my thing and do your thing and everyone around us. Go have a little midlife crisis, it's okay.

Yep.

The crisis is not living the life that makes you happy. That is a crisis.

good. Alrighty, well, we're gonna leave it at that. Make sure to check out our social medias on the Instagram, X, Facebook. You can check us out on anywhere you can hear the show. Make sure you're sharing with folks all over this country and tell them we have a good time on here. Until next Wednesday, I'm Rob, that's Tina. You guys have a good night. Later.

See ya.