Are you having the same old New Year Resolutions such as lose weight or earn more money?

They can feel a bit boring and uninspiring, don't they?

Instead, how would it be to instead focus on the one thing that actually determines the quality of your life?

In this episode we dive into just that. 

You’ll hear: 

• What's really important to have a fulfilling life
• What to focus on with your child
• The power of micro moments
• Why you need to embrace imperfection
• and much more!

Listen today!

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Helena Mooney is a Certified Parenting Coach dedicated to helping your family AND you thrive.

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Welcome back to the Parenting With Play podcast with me, Helena Mooney. I

am so pleased to have you here because it's been a while, hasn't

it? Welcome to 2024. I haven't done a podcast

in a little while because we have made the big move from Australia

to England, and it's It's taken off quite a lot of my time

organizing things, getting our family settled, and,

and really sort of Embedding ourselves back in England. And it's

been wonderful, but been quite forgotten. Anyway, I'm really, really

thrilled to be back here Bringing this podcast to you to help

you enjoy being a mom more. That's

really the essence of this podcast, Is so that you can enjoy

being a mum more knowing that you're really supporting your children at a deep

level. And that's really what I wanna focus on in today's

podcast? Because, you know, it's 2024, isn't it? And so at the beginning

of the year I'm halfway through January. But there's

always those things about new year, new you, you know,

learn how to do this, become this, lose weight, And

more money. You know, all of those things that we've all been told that we

need to do, and it can be like, oh my god. You know? Or

we can set start off the year with Amazing intentions.

Really wanting to just live our best year ever, to be the

best versions of ourselves, to do everything right and perfect.

I can feel quite a lot of pressure, can't it? And it can feel quite

exhausting, and then you might be able to maintain it for a couple of days,

a week, maybe even a month. And then afterwards, it all falls by the

wayside. So what I would love to offer,

just to add to all of that noise, but to really let a

lot of that go. That there's always an emphasis, isn't

there, on us changing ourselves, that we're not

Adequate or enough as we are.

And I really want to offer that you really are

amazing as you are. Now, yes, of course,

there's always things that we can do better that

makes our lives easier, more enjoyable, yada yada yada.

But at the heart of it is you.

And I really want you to feel I am enough.

I am enough. I'm enough as I am. And

particularly in relation to mothering, to being a

parent, We can feel like we're constantly chasing our tails.

There's something wrong with our children. They're being a nightmare.

Oh my god. I've done something wrong. I'm not a good mom.

I'm screwing all of this up. Oh, I need to

change. And when my daughter was little, I used to think, Well, if only

I could just hand her over to somebody else, they can fix

her, they can do all the things that I'm clearly failing at, they can

fix her, and then they can hand her back to me. I so wanted that

so many times. But what I really learned was that my

daughter was not gonna be fixed by somebody else.

She needed me. She needed our relationship

to be really strong so that she can then flourish

within it. So what I would love to invite

you to do in 2024 is to

focus not on losing weight or changing who you are as a

person, but to really focus on

enjoying your relationship with your child, Enjoying

your child. Enjoying you. Making

being you and having more fun The

priority of this year. Because there's always so much going on in the

world that we can all get really scared and overwhelmed with,

And that doesn't actually help our children. What helps our

children the most is how you create your

family and your home. And really, that comes

down to how you are in relation to them, your relationship

with your child. And once you focus on that,

then you everything else actually does start

to improve. The quality of your relationships is the single

biggest determining factor of the quality of your life.

Because you could have You could be the skinniest you've ever been.

You could be earning the most amount of money that you've ever dreamed

of. And yet if you don't have a good relationship,

Particularly with your children, it feels empty.

And you're going, well, what's it all for? And there's so many people, isn't there?

Particularly businessmen who've created in phenomenal companies.

Sometimes they then get divorced. 2nd time around, they then focus More

on their children because the 1st time around, they've been so focused on building that

business. And, yes, it's been really satisfying for them, but a

significant chunk has been missing. So if they have a second family,

a lot of them then go and focus on their kids and actually really being

there for their children. All that can be a real

Regret later on that I didn't spend time with my children. I don't

know my children. I don't really have a relationship with my children. That's

such a deep regret. And the beauty is is that you

can have the most amazing relationship with your child.

Even when times are tough, You can

still keep focusing on that relationship with your child,

and that's what's going to get you both through those challenging times.

Whether it's challenging times externally, something's going on that

you can't control, it's out in the world. Perhaps your child is having a hard

time at school. Perhaps they're having

confidence issues, social media stuff is going

on, friendship problems, Or maybe you're having

a trouble. Like, they're just not listening to you. They're being

really ungrateful for all the things that you're doing. They've got real

attitude, and it's driving you up the wall? The way to turn

all of that around is by focusing on

being with your child, knowing that I'm

enough, that you're enough, and that your child is

enough. They might be having a hard time. You might be having a

hard time. The best way to get through having a hard time

is by working together.

So loving your child as they are, which I

know can be really hard. Alfie Cohen wrote

this brilliant book, Unconditional Parenting, and it's a really,

really, really good book. But that's really hard, isn't it,

to love somebody unconditionally. Because what does that mean? It

means that no matter what your child does, you will still love

them. That's not how most other all other

relationships work, is it? Everything else is conditional. You know, if

a friend continually annoys you, Lets you down, talks badly

about you to you. Then after a while, you just leave the friendship. You just

walk away. Same with relationships, with marriages. They break down,

don't they? Because It's it's hard being in a relationship with somebody.

And if it's continually draining and not

satisfying and not nourishing and and abusive, Well, then you

walk away. But with our children, it's different, isn't

it? They are our children for life.

You are their mom for life. And it's brilliant,

and it's also exhausting and draining and a huge responsibility.

But there's no other relationship where really you

can feel unconditional love. Now, hopefully, you have felt that

to some extent from your own parents. It is hard to give

when when, you know, children are behaving terribly.

But to To offer that unconditional love

so that your child knows that no matter what they do,

you are there for them. That is what's going to give

them the greatest sense of confidence and peace within

themselves. And The launchpad

for them to go out into the world and and live life to

the fullest. So whatever the

challenge is, Know that you can get through it. Now

there's courses, loads of strategies and there's loads of tips which

you I share with you and you, you know, See you on blogs and

podcasts and everything like that. But if you can

if you get all worried about, oh god, what should I be doing now? I

don't know. Should I be saying this? Should I be doing that? You know, we

can get really panicked, can't we, about what exactly I should be

doing in the exact moment right now. And then you can be

second guessing yourself and thinking, I'm doing this wrong. I'm screwing

this up. Oh, I don't know what the right thing to say is. I bet

so and so over there, she knows what to do, and I don't know what

to do. We can really beat ourselves up with so much self doubt.

But if you can strip all that away And let go of all of

those expectations and pressures that you're putting on yourself

and that confusion that sort of swirls around in your brain,

And you bring it back to, how can I connect with my child right

now? So what does that look like? If they're

having, You know, an almighty tantrum on the floor. How

can I connect with them? So this is what I go into great detail with

inside my programs And one to ones, but essentially, you're

wanting to offer empathy and helping them whilst

they're feeling like that. Not distracting them, not

shaming them, not ignoring them, helping them whilst they

are in those big feelings.

And when because they are gonna move through those feelings. They're gonna move through

them whether you ignore them, shame them, or whether you stay with them. But

the quality of that experience Is vastly improved,

was transformed when you are with them. Because

when you are supporting your child, When they're having the

biggest meltdown over seemingly ridiculous things, but there's always a good reason

why a child's having a meltdown. If you can stay with them

And connect with them through it. They're gonna come through that

transformed. They're gonna release the upset feelings that were causing them to have

that tantrum in the 1st place, And they're gonna feel a deeper

sense of connection with you, and they're gonna feel a

deeper sense of peace within themselves Because they know that

they are still lovable even though they've been

behaving off the wall. Sustaining with

your child in when they're having an absolute PADI fit

hissy fit. That's that's transformative. And,

likewise, Connecting with them when they're sort of being slightly

whiny or slightly annoying and being connecting with them playfully

or connecting with them just by being with them In a

really present way, that's also transformative. That's gonna those

micro moments of I'm gonna focus on connection rather than

teaching, I'm gonna focus on connection rather than consequences.

All of those things, that's what shifts things. And it's those

micro moments that just shifts it really Seemingly

innocuously. Like, you wouldn't even know it's happened. But you know those

times when you walk in and you get really annoyed and you're thinking, okay. Well,

I've gotta teach them. Got to learn. They that's

not bringing connection, is it? And that's when those moments then it all

just turns into this shouting spiral and everything just goes Totally

pear shaped. So when you can move in

with a desire to connect, That's what

subtly shifts things. Your energy is different.

Your behavior is different. Your facial expressions are different. So

it doesn't actually, A lot of the time, matter what you say, you

know, I give scripts. You know, I I'll advise you what to say,

but that's just because to give you some help? But the

very essence of it is how you are feeling and

what's your motivation behind whatever you're saying and you're doing. And if you

have that motivation to connect, transforms everything. You

could say ridiculous things, But you've got that desire

to connect. It's what makes play so wonderful, isn't it? Because

you're being silly. You're being goofy. But at the heart of it is a

real connection. There's a to and fro between you and your child,

and that's deep connection. And that's what makes

life fun and enjoyable. And isn't that really the essence of life?

You know, you could do everything right. You could lose the weight.

You could earn more money. You could run your

marathon. You could bake food from scratch. Whatever it

is It's on your New Year's resolution. But if you're not having fun

doing it, then what's the point? There's no enjoyment, is

it? So how about it being that this year

this year is a year of fun and connection?

And with everything that's going on in the world, I mean, how

radically wonderful could that be? That

within your home, within your family, regardless of what's going on

outside, you can bring that fun, that love, and

that enjoyment, And that deep connection with your children, that's what's

gonna help them navigate the challenges of the outside world.

That's what's gonna help you navigate the challenges of the outside world.

And that's what's gonna give you the greatest fulfillment and sense of

purpose and satisfaction Because you know that

you've got a great relationship with your child. Now is it

always gonna look great? No. There's times when it's gonna look

Hideous. It's gonna be really hard and really

awful. And you're still gonna lose you're gonna lose it at your kids,

and you're gonna shout, and you're gonna do things that you sort of look back

and go, oh god. I wish I hadn't done that. So it's not about perfection.

None of this is about perfection. And that's about that's connection. That's

relationships. None of it's perfect because perfect doesn't exist

because perfect we can put so much pressure on being perfect. I've talked about

this in other times. It's not about being perfect, it's

about connection. And connection is messy and it can be

rocky and it Can not always be nice and it can not

always be kind, but it's that connection to her.

Whatever happens, You reconnect. So when you lose

it at your child, you have that opportunity to repair.

And not only does that strengthen your relationship, but it models to your child How

to stay in a relationship with somebody even when

1 or both of you stuff up.

And that is what brings confidence, that inner

confidence to your child, and it'll bring it to you too. If you're sort of

feeling, oh, You know, things are tricky at work or I'm not sure what's going

on here or when you've got that solidity because, you know, I've got a

really good relationship with my child. It brings a greater sense of pride.

So if you want help with strategies on how to have

navigate those difficult times so that you do have that strong relationship with your

child, that's what I'm here for. I'm here to help you with

those in the moment strategies, but also looking at what's going

on underneath for you. Because if you had a difficult relationship with your

parents, it's really hard to then create this new type of

relationship with your child. But it's absolutely possible.

I've I've worked with people who've had really, really tough experiences with

their moms and their dads, and and they

work really hard. And the relationships that they end up having with their children are

just so beautiful. So

how about this year? You don't have to change who you are.

Know that I am enough. If you could start feeling

I am enough, That will transform everything around

you. And then if you can go, how can I

connect with my child? I my desire this year is to have The

best relationship with my child. And to have that we have

fun together, that we're deeply connected,

that It's what's gonna make an awesome year for you.

Alright. I'd love to hear how that resonates, and I have a

new website. I've changed away from parenting with play. I am now

at helena mooney.com. Really simple.

So come over to helena mooney .com, and there you'll see all

past podcasts, all information, all my courses, and how

you can work with me directly. So, and I would

love to connect with you more deeply there. Alright. I'm re really

wishing you the best year. And knowing that it doesn't have to be

perfect and it doesn't have to look a

certain way, it's how it is for you

Having fun and really connecting with your child. So have a

really, really lovely week. And I look forward to chatting

with you again Next week because this podcast is back.

Alright. I'll see you next time.