Shownotes
[18+] Christmas Eve, 1970. Two young men settle down for yule together, but the warmth of the fire brings out the scars in all of us.
Today’s story is “Victor Tremblay in - Because the Night” by Pascal Farful, who is currently on the run from various angry Hallmark channel executives, and you can find more of his stories on his FurAffinity and SoFurry Pages.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/18-victor-tremblay-in-because-the-night-by-pascal-farful
Transcripts
Today's story concerns adult subject matter for mature listeners.
Speaker:If that's not your cup of tea,
Speaker:or there are youngsters listening,
Speaker:please skip this one
Speaker:and come back for another story another time.
Speaker:You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story is “Victor Tremblay in -
Speaker:Because the Night”
Speaker:by Pascal Farful,
Speaker:who is currently on the run from various angry Hallmark channel executives,
Speaker:and you can find more of his stories on his FurAffinity
Speaker:and SoFurry Pages.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Victor Tremblay in -
Speaker:Because the Night”
Speaker:by Pascal Farful
Speaker:I arrived in Washington State in March of 1970.
Speaker:Those first eight months had passed at a snail’s pace.
Speaker:If I wasn’t jumping through hoops trying to get my private detective badge, I was trying to find a place to live.
Speaker:But by December, I had finally settled in.
Speaker:I walked home from the office on Christmas Eve.
Speaker:Wrapped up in a coat and scarf over my suit just to stay warm
Speaker:with an old pair of hiking boots on my feet. A lemur instinctively wants to use all four hands to grip,
Speaker:but I know these big boots of mine will do better than my feet possibly could.
Speaker:Winters in Quebec were viciously cold,
Speaker:and Seattle’s were viciously wet,
Speaker:but this year the snow had arrived.
Speaker:I trudged through the snow with something of a spring in my step.
Speaker:This was my first Yule without my biological family.
Speaker:In May, I’d met the man I’d marry and call my husband in the far off year of 2003.
Speaker:It was already dark, and the snowfall was shaping up to become a blizzard.
Speaker:All around the streets I walked were brightly-lit homes,
Speaker:filled with families congregating for prayer and feast.
Speaker:After about an hour of walking, I finally made it home.
Speaker:The lights were on, so Charles had already made it back.
Speaker:He worked at a garage that was much closer to the home than my office.
Speaker:As I entered the house, I was greeted with blast of warm air.
Speaker:A log fire was slowly kindling away
Speaker:and my fox was slipping out of his greasy overalls.
Speaker:He heard me arrive,
Speaker:turned his head and smiled.
Speaker:“Hello sweetheart~”
Speaker:He said, tone thick, warm and sultry. It sent
Speaker:a fuzziness up my spine.
Speaker:His thick, gold hair flopped
Speaker:unkeptly over his shoulders,
Speaker:his auburn eyes meeting mine.
Speaker:Charles would always giggle
Speaker:when I spoke fondly of his
Speaker:physical description.
Speaker:There was something about how he
Speaker:expressed his gender
Speaker:which I found irresistible.
Speaker:Charles was masculine in build,
Speaker:in intonation and in stature, but with
Speaker:well-considered feminine attributes sprinkled in; his hair in some respects, though
Speaker:most significantly, his gait. I mean,
Speaker:with hindsight and years of experience I have now,
Speaker:he was simply a twink.
Speaker:Not that nineteen year old me had any concept of what that
Speaker:meant. I can only assume nineteen year old Charles was just
Speaker:infatuated at being in love with a
Speaker:crime-fighting suit-wearing man like myself.
Speaker:I suppose I had what society suggested a man was.
Speaker:A little gravely of tone,
Speaker:wearing a suit and a talent for firm glares.
Speaker:Oh, and completely incapable of talking about my feelings.
Speaker:He stepped towards me as I eased out of my coat.
Speaker:“And hello to you too.”
Speaker:I replied, now down to my shirt and slacks.
Speaker:“The walk back okay?” I asked,
Speaker:closing the distance between us, standing nose to nose.
Speaker:“Far from ideal” he snorted and
Speaker:stared into my eyes.
Speaker:“But with a little good luck and sure-footing I managed alright.
Speaker:Doubt it would have been much better in the car.
Speaker:It was gridlock all the way into the city.”
Speaker:We’re holding each other.
Speaker:It’s an unspoken decision. It’s just…
Speaker:what lovers do. It was very unlike what my mother and father
Speaker:did. As I grew up, I saw my mother and father become worse and worse at it.
Speaker:On a good day, me and my siblings had been pawns in that chess match.
Speaker:On a bad day, we were the table it was played upon.
Speaker:“I love you.” I said.
Speaker:A non-sequiter. I had
Speaker:become distracted by the sound of Charles’s voice over the words he was saying.
Speaker:I got better at not doing that, but in the early months I fell into that trap a lot.
Speaker:My fox blushed and grinned, gave me The Look again.
Speaker:“I love you too.” He said,
Speaker:his muzzle unable to decide between grinning and smirking.
Speaker:I knew what The Look meant. But I was refusing
Speaker:to accept that Charles was interested in more than
Speaker:love. And that, deep down, I was too.
Speaker:I didn’t want to confront that.
Speaker:Something deep in my body told me I must never
Speaker:confront it. Those wild seas weren’t for me to tame,
Speaker:I told myself. We finished undressing.
Speaker:With the fire lit, I was
Speaker:comfortable in just the shirt and slacks,
Speaker:Charles with his t-shirt and jeans.
Speaker:“While on lunch I had a
Speaker:look in the library for stuff on Yule.”
Speaker:I said. “Could only really find loose descriptions of it as a ‘pagan Christmas’”.
Speaker:“Well it’s rather more free-form than that.”
Speaker:The fox explained.
Speaker:“It’s not one festival, persay,
Speaker:it’s a catch-all term for
Speaker:pagan celebration during December.
Speaker:There or there abouts.”
Speaker:“So, do we do… Presents?
Speaker:Arguments? Right-wing elders? Singing folk songs in a gazebo?”
Speaker:I asked, strolling into the kitchen to starting to prepare dinner.
Speaker:It was an open-plan house. One ‘big’ room with the kitchen, living room and dining room all
Speaker:open-plan. The bedroom and
Speaker:bathroom were the only other rooms in the place.
Speaker:“Folk songs?” Charles queried.
Speaker:“Yeah my family knew a guy, folk singer.
Speaker:Myself and a bunch of the other rich families would go around to his place a week or so before Christmas day and we’d sit around and he’d
Speaker:sing folk songs for us.”
Speaker:I explained, filling a pan with water and setting it to boil.
Speaker:My fox nodded. “Do you remember any of the songs?”
Speaker:“Not particularly.
Speaker:But I do remember that I liked ‘À la
Speaker:claire fontaine’”
Speaker:“You remember the tune?”
Speaker:“Yes, but I’m no singer.”
Speaker:I smirked.
Speaker:“It’s about this girl who rejects a romantic advance delivered with a rose. And she comes to a fountain to regret it.”
Speaker:Charles chuckled.
Speaker:“You a rose kind of man?”
Speaker:I snorted and grinned. “A flower isn’t going to sway me one way or the other on a man.”
Speaker:I decanted the pasta and got
Speaker:ready to add it to the pan.
Speaker:I looked across to see him flicking through his record collection.
Speaker:A collection which would grow hugely, but for now was just
Speaker:three. Black Sabbath’s self-titled,
Speaker:In the Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson,
Speaker:and, clutched in his paws, Deep Purple’s In Rock.
Speaker:Hidden in the bedroom I’d got the first Emerson, Lake and Palmer album as his Yule present.
Speaker:“All the other songs were about how great that local community was and
Speaker:all I wanted to do was leave.”
Speaker:I grunted. Charles stepped back into the kitchen,
Speaker:took a pan and started to create the sauce for the pasta.
Speaker:“Travelling.” He began.
Speaker:“Part of me misses it.
Speaker:Part of me loathes it.
Speaker:It was a long trip across America.”
Speaker:Charles paused, staring wistfully at the pan.
Speaker:“Did I ever tell you how I got to Seattle?”
Speaker:“In a plane?” “Box cars,”
Speaker:he smiled. “My folks couldn’t afford a car,
Speaker:and if we could, I wouldn’tve been able to take it all the way here.
Speaker:I left a few months after I turned 18 so I didn’t
Speaker:have all that much money to fall back on, maybe a
Speaker:couple years of savings?
Speaker:I just bungled into the back of a box car and then did
Speaker:menial jobs in towns to make money for food.
Speaker:Then boarded a bus if I was lucky or another train if I wasn’t and kept going.”
Speaker:“Menial jobs?” “Painted a few signs, mowed a lawn,
Speaker:sucked a few cocks,
Speaker:think I had to re-attach a barn door for some guy in N ew Mexico.”
Speaker:The image of Charles’ performing the acts flashed through my mind.
Speaker:I gulped. “You participated in… uhh.
Speaker:uhh...” “Prostitution?” Charles clarified, very matter of factly.
Speaker:He gave a shrug. “I consented to it, the guys were sober, I was sober.
Speaker:I made a fair bit of cash.”
Speaker:He paused, then fumbled a tad.
Speaker:“What I didn’t consent to was one time when after pleasuring a guy, he immediately called the cops to accuse me of buggery.
Speaker:I had to run like hell to the train tracks and get
Speaker:lucky to scoot out of there.
Speaker:Warrant is probably still out for me in Oaklahoma”
Speaker:The sex didn’t seem to trouble him.
Speaker:That he’d sold himself for money. He only seemed
Speaker:uncomfortable with that last part.
Speaker:I wasn’t ready to reckon with that.
Speaker:I didn’t want to reckon with that. I changed the subject.
Speaker:“Traveling was freeing
Speaker:for me.” I admitted.
Speaker:“I finally stood up and did what I wanted
Speaker:for a change. Not what everyone else wanted.
Speaker:I told them I had a job opportunity in Vancouver. My father gave me a bus ticket.
Speaker:Didn’t even ask me to phone when I got there.
Speaker:I think they wanted me gone just as much as I wanted them gone.”
Speaker:He nodded. “Have you spoken to them since?”
Speaker:“No.” We stood in silence, interrupted only by the water boiling in the pan.
Speaker:I put the pasta in and glanced over at the clock.
Speaker:“Do your folks know about us?”
Speaker:“Yes.” Charles said. “They like the sound of you.”
Speaker:“Why did you do it?
Speaker:Cross country from Georgia, that is.”
Speaker:The fox shrugged. “Shithole.
Speaker:They didn’t like our kind of people
Speaker:down there. I loved my folks but I couldn’t stay there.
Speaker:They stayed because moving across the width of the country
Speaker:is a lot more difficult when you’re old.”
Speaker:Charles chuckled. “They
Speaker:did get you a Yule present though.”
Speaker:I blushed. “Oh, I… didn’t.
Speaker:I only got something for you.”
Speaker:Charles nodded. “You weren’t to know.
Speaker:Perhaps next year.”
Speaker:He stepped close,
Speaker:wrapped his arms around me
Speaker:and put his nose under my muzzle. We decanted our pasta into two bowls and took our seats at the table.
Speaker:“What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
Speaker:I asked. “Wake up, have presents. I’ll ring my folks and…
Speaker:I don’t know if you intend to ring yours.”
Speaker:“Probably not. I’ll save myself the bother.”
Speaker:“Them not knowing where you are would explain why they didn’t
Speaker:send anything for you.”
Speaker:Charles said, clearing his throat before adding at a whisper
Speaker:“In case you’re wondering.”
Speaker:“They’ll find out.
Speaker:out.” I grunted. “They’ll want their toy back one day. I can guarantee it.”
Speaker:Changing the subject I took another mouthful of the dish.
Speaker:“Tastes wonderful, dear.”
Speaker:He grinned and gave a very vulpine purr.
Speaker:“Why thank you, having you at my side always makes the difference~”
Speaker:Under the warm aroma of tomato and basil, I could finally smell
Speaker:Charles’ arousal.
Speaker:But I told myself again
Speaker:and again that I couldn’t. ‘He’s
Speaker:not really turned on right now.’ I lied to myself. ‘He
Speaker:doesn’t actually want to…
Speaker:y’know.’ Fear. That was it.
Speaker:Actual, palpable fear.
Speaker:But I hid it well. I ate pasta and I smiled.
Speaker:This was love. That…
Speaker:barely-acceptable kind of love between two men.
Speaker:The plausibly deniable kind, perhaps. I didn’t
Speaker:want that. I wanted the loud,
Speaker:queer, uncompromisingly sexual kind of love.
Speaker:But I was far too scared to seek it. “It’s
Speaker:going to be a cold,
Speaker:cold night tonight.”
Speaker:Charles said, placing his fork in the empty bowl in front of him. “I might top up the fire,
Speaker:if you don’t mind?” “Go right ahead.”
Speaker:I said. “I’ll wash up.”
Speaker:He nodded and went to the fireplace as I stood and returned to the kitchen. I didn’t
Speaker:watch what he was doing. I heard him add more wood to the fire, but I focused on cleaning.
Speaker:That sickly, swirling mess in my guts refused to go away.
Speaker:I was going to cross the Rubicon.
Speaker:And it was going to happen tonight.
Speaker:It wasn’t that I thought
Speaker:Charles would be upset if I said no, as much as a
Speaker:devil in the corner of my mind said otherwise.
Speaker:If I didn’t have sex, I’d have run away for nothing. I would’ve taken this risk
Speaker:for nothing. Maybe I wasn’t actually gay at all.
Speaker:If I did... Gods... I couldn’t, could I? That’d be- “Such
Speaker:a thorough cleaner, aren’t you?”
Speaker:Charles whispers. He placed a kiss on the back of my head.
Speaker:His arms wrapped around me.
Speaker:Bare fur. Hot, warm fur. He purred in my ear. He was hard as rock. I let the
Speaker:fork and bowl drop into the
Speaker:sink and I stand still. His paws eased around infront of me.
Speaker:He took my belt in his paws and loosened it.
Speaker:I felt a sudden rush of
Speaker:vertigo. That sickness in my gut grew more
Speaker:and more. My trousers
Speaker:fell to the floor.
Speaker:I took a nervous glance down to confirm what my senses were telling me.
Speaker:I couldn’t do this.
Speaker:God wouldn’t let me do this. My father
Speaker:wouldn’t let me do this.
Speaker:I wanted this so badly, more than
Speaker:anything I could have.
Speaker:My scars drew claws.
Speaker:They bit. They tore.
Speaker:Charles eased me around.
Speaker:I stared into his eyes.
Speaker:At first the heat of arousal.
Speaker:But then the fire
Speaker:melted into concern.
Speaker:Into care. Into love.
Speaker:The man I fell so in love with and the reason why all in one.
Speaker:All I knew was I was crying.
Speaker:He eased me into a hug, then took me across the room to the couch.
Speaker:We sat there for a while, him holding me,
Speaker:me crying and shivering.
Speaker:I felt dizzy. I watched the flames envelop the log infront of me.
Speaker:Listened to it crackle and
Speaker:simmer. It was mesmerizing.
Speaker:“I’m sorry I-” “No.” Charles said
Speaker:firmly, but softly.
Speaker:“’Sorry’ is for when you do something wrong.
Speaker:You haven’t.”
Speaker:He said at a whisper,
Speaker:licking my cheek.
Speaker:“I think I might be sick.”
Speaker:I admit. “It’s not you it’s…”
Speaker:He licked me again, then got up and returned with a bucket,
Speaker:then sat with me again.
Speaker:“I’m nervous.” I blurted out.
Speaker:My gut lurches and the words just… fall out. Men weren’t supposed to do this, apparently. My dad punished me for it a lot in
Speaker:Quebec.
Speaker:Charles nods. His paw eased around me.
Speaker:“About what?” He was asking it at
Speaker:my level. It lacked the prying I was used to at home.
Speaker:It’s sincerity. It was like an alien concept to me.
Speaker:I turn to look into his eyes again.
Speaker:That horny smirk he had before is long gone, replaced with
Speaker:that patient, warm look.
Speaker:The look that melted a steel man to the core.
Speaker:“About sex.” I blurted again.
Speaker:A blunt, two-tonne brick truth.
Speaker:I’d never had gay sex, not at the time.
Speaker:I’d dreamed, fantasticated, wanted, more than anything for it. But I never felt
Speaker:brave enough to make it happen.
Speaker:A queer like me was destined to embarrassing, degrading quickies in gas station
Speaker:toilets. Secrets kept from a wife unloved.
Speaker:It was how I was taught at least.
Speaker:And I’d only had
Speaker:terrible teachers up to this point.
Speaker:“I understand.” Charles replied.
Speaker:“We don’t have to have
Speaker:sex.” “I want to.” I blurted again.
Speaker:“I want to more than anything.
Speaker:But I can’t.” “What about it makes you nervous?”
Speaker:He asked. Now I’d started talking about it,
Speaker:I couldn’t stop it. The words just
Speaker:poured out. The dam had burst.
Speaker:“I’ve never had gay sex. I was told it was
Speaker:wrong.” I said at last.
Speaker:“I was told by my parents that it was an unwashable sin.
Speaker:That if I had sex with a man, let him
Speaker:bugger me, it would
Speaker:consume me. I’d turn into some
Speaker:loveless sex addict.
Speaker:And once I’d done it, I could never go back.
Speaker:When I first saw
Speaker:gay porn, it was extreme,
Speaker:obscene, ungodly… it was everything I’d ever dreamed of.
Speaker:It was exactly what my family said it was, only it looked so much more exciting and
Speaker:fun than I’d ever imagined.”
Speaker:I look back into my fox’s auburn eyes.
Speaker:“When my family found out what I was, they called me a
Speaker:faggot. They told me they’dve aborted me if they’dve known.
Speaker:That any love I had would be illegitimate and phony.
Speaker:Love is between a man and a woman
Speaker:who hate each other’s guts.
Speaker:And scream at each other!
Speaker:And throw shit at their kids if they ask too many fucking
Speaker:questions!” I realized I was shouting.
Speaker:I tried to breathe and sit back in the seat.
Speaker:“What they called love was lies.
Speaker:It was all lies.” “You’ve put your life on the line for this, haven’t you.”
Speaker:Charles said softly.
Speaker:“Running away from your abusers as an act of defiance, of desperation.
Speaker:To become the man you are inside. And… now
Speaker:that you’ve made your home to roost… you
Speaker:worry about what might happen if it’s… not what you wanted.
Speaker:And that if gay sex isn’t as good as you think it is,
Speaker:then you will have done this for nothing.
Speaker:Look at me.” I raise my head and
Speaker:look into his warm auburn eyes again.
Speaker:“You did the right thing.
Speaker:Regardless as to whether you enjoy what might or might not happen in that bedroom,
Speaker:you ran for the right reasons.
Speaker:They hurt you, they abused you and they used you.
Speaker:Even if Victor Tremblay is a straight man,
Speaker:he should be one on his own terms.
Speaker:Not theirs.” Charles guided me into his arms, and I pressed my head to his shoulder.
Speaker:He held me, hugged me and enveloped
Speaker:me in his warmth.
Speaker:Eventually I eased back up.
Speaker:I dried my eyes and sat.
Speaker:He sighed and slumped back on the couch.
Speaker:“That Christian God you were brought up with was never keen on love, was he?”
Speaker:I shrugged. “I have no idea.
Speaker:Their God hates me, I blotted out everything they told me about him.”
Speaker:“God is about love.”
Speaker:Charles said. “When people have
Speaker:consensual sex, God is happy. Whether it be two men, two women,
Speaker:a man and a woman,
Speaker:three men and two women,
Speaker:a bunch of people who aren’t neither. Love is…
Speaker:the point. Love is the purest
Speaker:holy thing there is. And if
Speaker:Love is wrong… then God is…
Speaker:dead.” He said at last,
Speaker:pausing and looking into the ether.
Speaker:“Shit.” He grunted. He took his turn to stare into the
Speaker:fire. Charles’ faith was entirely different to any I’d encountered before. He had
Speaker:told me of it, a system by which God is all-caring,
Speaker:but almost powerless.
Speaker:Able only to shove events a little bit. Not to mention being fallible. My fox had inherited this sect from his family.
Speaker:“I wish I knew where I belonged.” Charles said at last. These non-sequiters were clunky and
Speaker:blunt. But for two nineteen year old men, taught from birth that a man’s problems are buried with his body,
Speaker:this was herculean.
Speaker:“I don’t have a place I fit in. I’m...
Speaker:jealous that you are comfortable in how you relate to the world.”
Speaker:He added, turning to look at me.
Speaker:“You’re an atheist. Some folks are Christian, Muslim, Jewish…”
Speaker:He sighed. “I feel like I’m a
Speaker:nothing. There are other atheists you can talk to, people in the world you can look at and say
Speaker:“they’re like me.” I’ve got
Speaker:my family and… God.
Speaker:But not the same one as everyone else.
Speaker:I don’t have a church or a mosque I can go to, to meet other people, to sit,
Speaker:to talk to… share recipes,
Speaker:to celebrate life and to feel grounded.”
Speaker:“That’s what scares you.”
Speaker:I said. “The hate in the world, the way people like us are treated.”
Speaker:“Yes.” He said, gulping. “You don’t kill God with a handgun, you kill God by destroying love.”
Speaker:He sighed, then gave a nervous chuckle.
Speaker:“It sounds… ridiculous when I say it out loud.”
Speaker:“It doesn’t.” I said.
Speaker:There was a second part of that sentence, but I couldn’t piece it together.
Speaker:I kept trying, mouth hanging open, but nothing would come out.
Speaker:He smiled at me, appreciating my efforts.
Speaker:“One day I might find someone else who knows the same God I do.”
Speaker:He said at last. “But until then…
Speaker:my tribe defined by its attraction to the same sex.”
Speaker:He concluded, resting his head on my shoulder.
Speaker:My heart rate had
Speaker:gone down. I tried to centre myself again.
Speaker:I tallied everything I could see.
Speaker:Charles was just in his underwear.
Speaker:I was halfway undressed and I
Speaker:distracted myself from my troubles by undressing until I matched my fox.
Speaker:The fire was warm.
Speaker:We sat there in our underwear,
Speaker:the heat of the fire easing my bones and
Speaker:letting our minds melt a little,
Speaker:hoping the problems might burn to ash and
Speaker:disappear. They did not.
Speaker:My nose gave a twitch. I could smell the stirring of my loins, and those of Charles.
Speaker:He gave an amused snort,
Speaker:very quietly, as he cottoned onto it too.
Speaker:It seemed I’d have to start asking questions about sex now,
Speaker:not later. I looked down between my legs. It’s not subtle.
Speaker:In fact, looking wasn’t really necessary to confirm it.
Speaker:That pit of anxiety started to swirl again.
Speaker:“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Speaker:Charles whispered again.
Speaker:I glance. He’s as stiff as I am.
Speaker:This information doesn’t help or hinder me. Push me one way or another, it’s just
Speaker:more data. Heaps and heaps of data.
Speaker:I open my mouth again and more words tumble out.
Speaker:“My only experience of gay sex was the porn we found. And the only stuff in it was either clandestine,
Speaker:loveless quickies or…
Speaker:excessive, rough stuff.
Speaker:Desperate blowjobs behind bike sheds between straight guys,
Speaker:or guys in ominous outfits in dungeons putting enourmous things in each other.”
Speaker:My mind wonders.
Speaker:I remember. I leak a little as I recall.
Speaker:“I… liked it. I read it all,
Speaker:every page and I…
Speaker:loved it.” My fox smiles and nods.
Speaker:“There are loads of kinds of gay sex.”
Speaker:Charles adds. “More ways than you can imagine.
Speaker:You’d be surprised to know that the guys tied up in dungeons and putting fists in each other are
Speaker:far more safe than the guys sucking random people off in bus stops.”
Speaker:“How do you know all this stuff?”
Speaker:I asked. “I spent a year as a broke queer traveling in boxcars.”
Speaker:The fox smiled. “Any kind of grimy back-alley sex you do because you’re desperate,
Speaker:it’s something I’ve seen people do.
Speaker:Or done myself once or twice.
Speaker:And I’ve met the kind of people who do stuff in sex dungeons.
Speaker:I definitely feel safer among them.”
Speaker:He snorted. “You have any idea the amount of care and forethought that goes into that?”
Speaker:His paw eased down to my thigh.
Speaker:“But sex doesn’t need to be that extreme.
Speaker:Either extremely risky or extremely intense.
Speaker:It’s perfectly valid to do it that hardcore or
Speaker:want to do that kinda stuff, but…”
Speaker:He shifts closer to me.
Speaker:“Gay sex can just be some guys who
Speaker:bathe each other in kisses,
Speaker:lay upon soft, plush blankets and spend warm, tender hours
Speaker:milking orgasms and love from each other.
Speaker:That’s sex too. No more or no less valid than the hardcore stuff.”
Speaker:He gives me The Look again.
Speaker:His manhood is impossible to ignore, even in his underwear.
Speaker:A lump forms in my throat.
Speaker:“I want it.” I said.
Speaker:He nods. “Then we shall have it.”
Speaker:He said. “Whenever it feels right, we can try.
Speaker:Whether it be in a month,
Speaker:tonight, in a year,
Speaker:in twenty seconds time.”
Speaker:He kisses me and I kiss him back.
Speaker:“I want you, not just your inches.”
Speaker:I had felt such intense failure, for being born a
Speaker:faggot. But here I sat,
Speaker:alongside another like me
Speaker:and it was the first real love I’d ever felt.
Speaker:And it was far better than whatever the fuck my parents were doing.
Speaker:Charles is what love
Speaker:felt like. Sometimes I worried that I’d missed it in heterosexual interactions. But with him it is this
Speaker:unstoppable force.
Speaker:Subtle in some ways, a soft, warm surge. But in all other ways it was
Speaker:inescapable. It feels like the very energy used to create planets.
Speaker:Like a small waft of the very flux of the universe.
Speaker:No wonder Charles’s faith means so much to him.
Speaker:“Let’s… try a bit.” I whispered.
Speaker:Charles nodded. “Okay. How about we start with… just
Speaker:being naked and aroused while
Speaker:sharing this couch?”
Speaker:It seemed agreeable.
Speaker:I undressed and discarded my underwear behind the couch, away from the fire.
Speaker:I watched my fox do likewise, before scooting closer.
Speaker:Our fur touched at the leg.
Speaker:I felt one of his paws
Speaker:brush through my fur.
Speaker:My eyes wondered to his flesh and I stared at it.
Speaker:The idea of it made my heart race.
Speaker:What it might feel like and
Speaker:where I wanted him to put it.
Speaker:“That’s it~” Charles whispered.
Speaker:“Touch it.” I gulped. I reached.
Speaker:I touched. The rubicon was crossed.
Speaker:He lets out a little
Speaker:gasp, this delighted little sound that felt like
Speaker:someone’d put jumper cables directly on my heart.
Speaker:I didn’t know what that sound was, but I knew that I wanted him to do it again.
Speaker:A lot. I was crying.
Speaker:I only realized it when I attempted to inform Charles that he was
Speaker:too. He nodded and made no effort to
Speaker:stop. Instead he lay me back on the couch and
Speaker:eased himself over me.
Speaker:Chest to chest. Phallus to phallus. “Is this sex?” I ask. A question that sounded stupid the moment I said it, but became more complicated the more I thought about it.
Speaker:“Only if you want it to be.”
Speaker:He whispered. “Think of it like a cuddle,
Speaker:a warm, cozy snuggle.
Speaker:You can cum if you want to,
Speaker:I just hope it feels like love.” I lent up and kissed him.
Speaker:He purred and rubbed against me,
Speaker:enveloping me in his warmth.
Speaker:I don’t really remember
Speaker:the details that followed.
Speaker:Just that it absolutely felt
Speaker:like love. This was “Victor Tremblay in - Because the Night” by Pascal Farful,
Speaker:read for you by Khaki,
Speaker:your faithful fireside companion.
Speaker:You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Happy Holidays, and Thank you for listening to
Speaker:The Voice of Dog.