You had something to say. You felt it come up. And then you pushed it down.

You told yourself it’s not necessary. That it’s better to keep things smooth. But later, you’re still thinking about it.

That’s not random.

There’s a belief underneath that moment. One that decided speaking up changes how you’re seen. That it creates tension. That it makes you a problem.

And that belief didn’t start here.

Today you’re sitting down with your journal and going into that. Looking at where staying quiet began, what it gave you, and what it’s been costing you.

Journal Prompts:

1. Think about the last time you didn’t say something you wanted to say. What were you afraid would happen if you did say the thing?
2. Where did that fear come from? Not this situation, go back further. Who in your life made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable to speak up or to ask for what you needed?
3. What did you learn about yourself from that person or from that experience? Finish the sentence: When I speak up, I am…
4. How did this belief keep you safe as a kid? And what has staying quiet actually cost you?
5. What do you want to believe about speaking up instead? Speaking up means…... Speaking up doesn’t have to mean…...
6. What is one thing you would say this week if you knew your relationships, your job, or your reputation wouldn’t crumble?

If something clicked for you while doing this, stay with that. Not the whole story. Just the part that felt true. You don’t need to fix it all at once. Seeing it clearly is enough to start.

Work with me:

1. Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 2 weeks later. Book your Breakthrough
2. Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 4 open spots: Work with me

Connect with Sam: Instagram | Facebook

Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. If you listened to episode 227, how crazy that we have that many episodes, but that one was the one about how to stop people pleasing and still be seen as sweet. This episode is kind of like a companion episode, even though it's a few episodes later, but that episode just really stuck with me.

That episode, just a quick recap, we talked about sweetness and the reframe that sweetener or sugar can be used for joy and like saying what you want and letting yourself enjoy your life and like chocolate, or it can be used for preservation, like people pleasing and staying quiet to keep the peace or, like, I don't know, Cheetos is what's coming to mind.

crap food. So today we are going into the beliefs underneath the preservation side, the people pleasing, the staying quiet and where that actually started. I actually journaled on the exact prompts that I'm going to be giving you and they did not take me where I thought they were going to go. And so I want to share what came up for me and then we're going to get into the journaling.

When I think about not speaking up, I often think about my ex-husband and how he was likely the source of it. That's where my mind jumps to. But then I realized that he just reinforced the behaviors. He wasn't the start or the cause of it. And through the prompts that you're about to do, I took myself through a very specific current scenario where

I realized that a lesson that I learned growing up was that a kid, or I shouldn't say every kid, when I was a child, I felt like I must always respect my parents and not question them, but also not question any authority figure, like teachers or anyone that had authority. And if I did speak up,

it would be perceived as disrespectful and a burden. And I feel that deeply still. And so, but when I was little, just, didn't, I didn't speak up in those scenarios. I kept quiet in the classroom. I kept quiet really whenever there was any adult around, I feel like. I'm so curious what my mom would say and if she would agree with this, but that's my memory.

And I kept quiet when other kids blamed me for things that I didn't even do. I just kind of accepted that. I kept quiet when I wanted things. I remember I got praised for being at a kid's birthday party. And I got praised for being the last person to have the kid whose birthday it was to have them unwrap my gift because I was so patient. And in my head, I remember thinking, I didn't want to be last. I wanted to be.

first or even in the middle, but I just didn't say anything. And now that I'm adult and a parent, I can see that if your kids think that way, then it's so much easier. They never questioned you and it's not a burden. You know, you're just a duck following, you know, in a row. And as a kid, it kept me safe. I rarely got in trouble. You know, I did have a stint where I had a star chart and

I earned like a pack of gum if I did good things all week. So I definitely had a phase where I got in trouble and I was stealing things from my sisters. But after that, I never got in trouble and I felt loved. So acting in that way reinforced, this is how you accept love, how you receive love. But it cost me standing up for myself with friendships later on, with accepting unhealthy relationships.

but also confidence in myself and in what I want since I put everyone else's needs above my own. And I don't need to believe that anymore. I don't need to believe that every single authority figure or everyone older than me deserves respect or maybe more so that respect equals not speaking up. I can respect someone and

speak up for myself. I can speak up, ask questions, say what I want, and say what I believe, and still respect that person. In fact, they will respect me more for doing that versus being a doormat. And this is so tiny, but my son is enjoying the show Scaredy Cats on Netflix right now.

And there's a little girl who was gifted her deceased mom's magical necklace in this first episode. And the next day, she and her two friends get invited to a tea party held by two grownups who are witches, which sounds unethical saying this out loud. But anyways, two witches, because the witches want to steal the necklace. And the witches promised the little girl that they would tell her about her mom who passed away.

And so that's why the little girl wants to go. And so when the little girls, her and her two friends, show up to this castle-like house, the witches give them everything they could want, like candy and ⁓ all the things. And then at the end, they ask for the little girl's magical necklace. And the little girl simply says, no, you told me that you would tell me about my mom, and you haven't told me.

anything about her yet, I'm leaving. And when I heard that, I was cheering for that girl internally and how she stood up for herself. Like it literally blew my mind that she stood up for herself thinking how I never would have had the balls or the ovaries to do that. And still to this day, I would struggle to find the words in that moment. And I love that they're representing that on TV. So.

Today, we're going to dive into all the rules that we created to prevent us from speaking up and end with a challenge to actually use our voices. So go grab your journal or open the notes app on your phone or Google Docs and know that these prompts build on each other. So try not to skip ahead and also know that the prompts are in the show notes if you ever do want to come back.

All right,

prompt number one. Think about the last time that you didn't say something you wanted to say. What were you afraid would happen if you did say the thing?

prompt to. Where did that fear come from? Not this situation, but go back further. Who in your life made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable to speak up or to ask for what you needed?

Prompt 3. What did you learn about yourself from that person or from that experience? If it helps, can finish the sentence, when I speak up, I am.

prompt for. How did this belief keep you safe as a kid? And what has staying quiet actually cost you?

Prompt 5. What do you want to believe about speaking up instead? You could think of speaking up means blank or speaking up doesn't have to mean blank.

Prompt 6. What is one thing you would say this week if you knew your relationships, your job, or your reputation? None of it would crumble. Say it out loud or write it down. And this is your starting point.

amazing work today. That is your full journal entry. I hope that you got some clarity, a couple aha moments, and I hope that you feel like you don't have to figure all of it out at once, even if you didn't have a huge breakthrough. Just a teeny glimpse of clarity as to where your whole pattern stems from what it means to you or about you.

That is an incredible starting point and just starting to chip away at that. And also just notice what came up for you and what feelings came up for you. If you had a certain ping inside of your core, your gut, during a certain prompt or a specific emotion overwhelmed you at a certain point, pay attention to that and then do these same prompts again. Or that's where you could use my Calm Mind Blueprint.

because those prompts are a little bit more generic and apply what came up for you in this session to the Calm Mind Blueprint to help you navigate that and dig a little bit deeper. Strategic journaling should be all about you, not a Pinterest prompt that you find, but your life. And this is my way that I do that and how I always get to clarity and the direction and relief and hope and all the feelings that I want and how you can as well.

Thank you for doing the work with me today. I would love to hear what comes up for you. So click the show notes to connect with me on any of the platforms and I will see you next Tuesday.