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Turning Art into Reality with Singer Songwriter Caley Kenny
Episode 1530th March 2021 • The Becoming the Big Me Podcast • Djemilah Birnie
00:00:00 00:51:55

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Caley Kenny is a 26 year old bad ass soulpreneur. She grew up in an abusive, tumultuous environment, and has overcome the many barriers that come with mental health issues, lack of support, and essentially building something from the ground up. She is now living her purpose and creating the life of her dreams. She is obsessed with turning art into reality and stepping into the person she is supposed to be. Caley has a super inspiring story of overcoming past trauma and turning her mess into her foundation.

Make sure to check her music out and go follow her on social media! 

www.instagram.com/caleykenny/

www.twitter.com/CaleyKenny 

www.open.spotify.com/artist/27fySPs1C3QuEZeMKdE0m8

www.youtube.com/channel/UC3yQzVRTeuQ93ASqUKuZHHA

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Hi! I am your host Djemilah Birnie of www.becomingthebigme.com . I have been building businesses online since the age of 17. When I discovered the power that we hold within our own minds my world truly began to change.

I love to write and have published some books, some of them have even hit some charts 😲 You can check them out here http://bit.ly/djemilahbooks

Ready to start playing BIG and step into your Big Me potential by harnessing the power of your mind? Then make sure you join the free Rewire challenge to get all the tools you need! https://www.djemilah.com/rewirechallenge

Don't forget to check out the little lady's podcast "A Kid's Perspective" where she answers your questions on all of life's most pressing issues, in her eyes, a kid! http://bit.ly/akidsperspective

Let's Connect! #allthelinks ⬇

https://djemilah.com/

https://www.facebook.com/djemilah/

https://www.instagram.com/mimi.the.genie/

https://www.tiktok.com/@djemilah

Transcripts

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I was like, really, really depressed. I was just literally

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smoking weed all day.

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I didn't have a job. And I was like, What is the point of life?

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Like I was just so down, and that it was like hopelessness

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and I was like, there's gotta be something like what is what am I

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here to do? And I was listening to all of this old jazz like

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Eddie James and Billie Holiday and and Amy Winehouse and stuff

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like that. And it was like a lightbulb just like went off in

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my brain. And it was like, Oh, this is what I'm here to do.

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Hello, fellow Earthlings. Welcome to the becoming the big

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me podcast. I'm your host, Djemilah, Birnie and together,

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we will be stepping into our highest potential, exploring all

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things mind, body, and soul. With justice, major business,

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you're a spiritual badass solopreneur and a warrior for

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change. You're ready to expand your impact and leave your old

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self behind in order to raise your vibration so that you can

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positively influence your business, your community, and

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ultimately, the world. Without further ado, let's dive right

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into it.

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Hello, everyone. Welcome that to this episode of The becoming

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baby podcast. I have with me today, Kaylee penny. She is a 26

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year old singer and songwriter based in the San Francisco Bay

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Area. She grew up in an abusive

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environment, and has overcome many barriers that have come

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with mental health issues, miles apart, and essentially building

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something from the ground up. Right now she is following her

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passion following her dreams, creating the life that she

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desires by chasing her dreams of becoming a singer and

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songwriter. Hello, Kaylee, how are you doing today? Hello, I am

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great. How are you? I am doing fabulous. I'm so excited to have

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you on today. And to hear more about your story. Definitely.

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Thank you so much for having me, of course. So let's just dive

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right into it. So just Can you give us just a quick little

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summary of you and what you're about and what you've got going

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on right now. Yeah, so I actually, I live in LA now. So

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that's a more recent thing. So I am following music. I'm a singer

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and a songwriter.

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And so that's what I'm doing. I'm writing albums, and I'm also

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diving into, you know, making documentaries and more real

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content. And so making stuff that is real raw, and people

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can, you know, kind of making art out of out of real life

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and trying to connect with as many positive people who, you

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know, positive, successful, good hearted people. So that is what

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I'm up to right now.

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So where did you Where did you come from? Like, what? How did

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you get to LA? Was that kind of like, a solo trip? Tell me a

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little bit about that. Yeah, um, so I, well, I grew up in a town

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that was kind of like a wine and cheese town, very like boozy and

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sheltered. And I never felt like I really fit in. I was very

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rebellious, and kind of like a really independent thinker. So

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it never really felt like home being in the Bay Area, for

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whatever reason. And about three years ago, me and my best

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friend, Dane, I've known him for almost 10 years now. We moved

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down kind of spur of the moment, we were like, We just need to

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like make a big decision and go do something awesome and go live

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our lives. So we moved down to LA like three years ago, and we

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stayed for like three months. Just trying to figure it out.

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Like staying at Airbnb ease and stuff like that.

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And we ended up going back because it was like pretty hard.

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We weren't really that prepared. But anyways, I completely fell

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in love with la then. And so in April, I actually, like stopped

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working with my band. I had a band up in the Bay Area.

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And so I stopped working with them. Because I was like a

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little bit more serious trying to push things forward and they

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were more so doing it as like a hobby. So once I stopped doing

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that, I had

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have the opportunity to like, you know, live wherever I wanted

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to.

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And so I decided to just make the leap. And so I packed my two

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dogs, which are right behind me, they'll probably pop up in a

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minute. I pack them into my little, you know, coupe, and,

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you know, brought my clothes and then, you know, now I'm here so

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awesome. So is it just you right now you're kind of solopreneur

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whoring it doing it on your own? Yeah, definitely. For the most

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part, it's been a really solo thing. So far, I've met a few

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select really quality people down here so far. So I'm really

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grateful for that.

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But for the most part, yeah, I've been, you know, solo,

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pairing it up.

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Can you tell me a little bit more about your music? Like,

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what kind of impact Are you trying to make with your music?

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And and where did that come from? What made you inspired to

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make the kind of music that you make?

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Yeah. So I remember always writing like poetry. I remember

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the first time I started, I picked up.

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Machiavelli, like, it was like an old book in my house. Like, I

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don't, it was so random, but I was like, Oh, this looks

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elegant. Let me see what's in here. And I would just look at

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the words. And it was pretty hard to understand when I was

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like, because I was probably like, 12, or something.

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But I was looking at the words, and I was just so drawn to these

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cool words. And so I started writing poetry. And it was like,

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pretty metaphorical, like, using, like, symbolism and stuff

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like that, to just portray, like, what was happening, and

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what was happening in my life was a lot of abuse, you know,

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and so it was, you know, some dark poetry and I just felt this

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need to express myself, you know, it was less on the, you

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know, beautiful flowers outside, and more on the, you know, like,

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symbolism for, like psychology that I felt was going on, or

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whatever, at that time.

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So I started writing poetry and didn't really, like think too

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much of it.

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And then about five years ago, I was like, really, really

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depressed. I was just literally smoking weed all day.

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I didn't have a job. And I was like, What is the point of life?

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Like I was just so down, and that it was like hopelessness.

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And I was like, there's got to be something like, what is what

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am I here to do? And I was listening to all of this old

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jazz, like, at a James and Billie Holiday, and an Amy

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Winehouse and stuff like that. And it was like a lightbulb just

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like went off in my brain. And it was like, Oh, this is what

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I'm here to do. And so I started singing, and then I was like,

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Well, I'm a good writer. So let me try and write some songs. But

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I was like, I don't know if I can do it, you know, rhyming and

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all that. But it clicked after a while.

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And so yeah, that's kind of like where that where that came from.

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It's it's really a lot like, you know, kind of like Amy

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Winehouse, like jazz soul.

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But I do experiment with different like, I had a reggae

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song, and alternative rock song. So it's kind of it's kind of a

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mixture of a lot of things but yeah, mainly like the vocals

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like go along with jazz So

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okay, yeah, so one thing that I'm I teach and then I preach is

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repurchasing your mess into your foundation. So do you feel that

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like, you know, that some of that stuff that you went through

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in your earlier years, some of that trauma? How do you feel

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like that has served you now?

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Yeah, um, so I,

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I see.

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I see a lot of people just being really easily like reactive

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instead of,

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instead of like thinking for themselves, and I mean, no

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shade, or anything like that. But, um, but for me, I had to,

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like, defend myself so much. And, and protect myself so much.

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Like my, like, my state of being and my thoughts and my, my

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opinions, I had to protect them so much for myself.

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That I feel like I'm a pretty independent thinker, and that

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has allowed me to

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you know, like, like, what's what's the benefit of being

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An independent thinker, it's like you don't you kind of you

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think for yourself and you,

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you're not easily swayed by, like, different opinions. So

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like, you know, like, I mean, I'm not political at all, but

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you know, like that kind of like, oh, triggering words. And

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it's like, it's this thing. And it's like, well, I'm kind of,

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like, in the middle of like, being an intellectuals, like,

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just look at things from your own perspective, really think

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about them, you know, but it's also made me really confident,

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like,

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you know, I know who I am, and I know what I want, and all that

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kind of stuff, you know, because I had to be so protective of it,

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and, you know, defend myself, you know, from, from, like,

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attacks on, on who I am, and, you know, my validity,

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basically. So I'm pretty confident in that area, you

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know, growing up, would you say, Did you, did you have

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confidence? Or were you kind of schnorr shell off?

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Um, I honestly, I think both my parents, they say, like,

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they're, my dad is like, an intellectual. My mom is, like,

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more on the reserve side. So they're like, how did we have

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you? They were like, cuz they're like, You're like a social

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butterfly, you know, how did this happen? So I've always been

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pretty confident, I'm naturally like, in your DNA, or whatever,

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I've been, like a vocal person, I've been wanting to express

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myself and, you know, kind of sassy in a way, you know,

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but like, be going through, like, all of that abuse, like

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it, it made me very shelled off after us, you know, after like,

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years. So I had to, like, break out of that shell, because I was

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very, like, insecure because of that abuse, you know, for a

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while, and I had to figure out how to get out of that. So do

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you do you recall, like, what you're kind of like, aha moment,

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like, what your awakening moment when you realize

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that you were kind of living in that shell, and that, you know,

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it was time to release, you know, that past and move

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forward.

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Um, there's honestly been multiple layers, like multiple

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instances, like, like, you know, I was hanging around with people

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who didn't really have a lot of ambition. And I think that

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really drove me nuts. Because I was trying to have a friendship

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and support people and have them be supportive of me. But at the

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same time,

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you know, I had to be who I was, and go after these bigger ideas,

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these bigger dreams. And so I think, like, a part of it was

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actually leaving the friend group that I, you know, I love

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them to death. But part of it was that and me just going out

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on my own and being like, I'm not okay with like living a

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mediocre life anymore. You know, I need to go bigger, whatever

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that means. I'll do whatever it takes, you know. So I love that.

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Yeah, the biggest part of my journey was when I decided to

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move away from my hometown. And basically, it was just kind of

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like, you know, what, you guys, you're great for you, but you're

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not great for me. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna move forward. And I

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find that this is a piece that is really, really important to

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finding success in your life and becoming your own person is

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realizing that you can love people, you can care about

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people, they can be your friend. But that doesn't mean that that

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relationship is serving you and what you want. Sometimes we have

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to let that go and dive into the unknown and really go after what

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it is that we want. So moving moving forward back to five

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years ago, I guess, when you were kind of in your depressive

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state, and you're smoking weed.

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What were you doing for work at this point, like, were you were

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you living with what was what was kind of going on? Can you

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shed some light on that? Um, yes. I was living with my friend

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Dane. And like I said, I've known him for like, almost 10

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years now. And this, this, like, really quickly after I met him,

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um, we moved in together. And so it was like, it was like, once

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that happens, just coincidentally, all of all of

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the issues of my past kind of like locked up on me because I

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was,

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you know, maybe 19 or 18 or 19. And so it was like, all this

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stuff was catching up to me and my and my, and I also, you know,

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I had just gone through

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an abortion and like so, and I've had to in my life and so he

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kind of acted as like the best like friend and, and, like

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pillar of support for me, he was actually a huge reason that I

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was able to get better, like with all of these issues is

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because he was there. And he would listen to me and I would

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sometimes be talking like complete craziness. But he knew,

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and I knew that it was like, I just needed to vent it out. And

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he would never judge me and he would always be there to listen

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to me. So he helped me like he would go to work. And it was

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like, you know, it was like, we were married, almost, you know,

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but he would he would go to work. And I would stay home and

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like take care of our, like the dog. And because I couldn't like

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he and I both knew, like I couldn't. I tried, like so many

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times to like, get a regular job. And I just couldn't like

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hold it down because of my instability, you know?

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So yeah, like, I honestly, in that time, just tried to

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develop, like the habits of like, becoming happy. And so

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what I was doing at that time is like, finding happiness and

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being okay, like just being okay, you know. So I would go

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and I would walk the dogs. And that would be like one thing

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that I had to do, you know, just to be sane, and to be happy, you

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know? So? Yeah, yeah. And I mean, that's really a process,

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especially when you have gone through trauma in your life. And

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in your childhood, a lot of times, what people do is they

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will just kind of box that shit up. And then we'll just walk it

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away. And then what happens, which sounds like you know, kind

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of manifested in your life is years down the road, it catches

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up to you and it you have to deal with it. So

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you know, you guys, don't be discouraged if you're going

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through anything difficult right? Now, a lot of the times,

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this is a process that we have to go through, in order to get

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to that next level. It's not instantaneous, it does take

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time, it takes healing, it takes self love and exactly what

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Kaylee is seeing here, how she was just taking it one day at a

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time, whether that be you know, one day just being able to get

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out of bed to go and you know, tear her dog for a walk like

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that is a win. And if that's where you are right now, I just

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want you to know that I love you love you. There are people out

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there supporting you make sure that you reach out to other

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people because when you are in this place, you can feel

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extremely, extremely alone in and when you are depressed, it

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doesn't feel like there are people out there that care about

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you. I have struggled with depression myself for a very,

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very long time. And you know, we I'm sure Kaley would be someone

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she would be happy to talk to you as well. So if you want to

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reach out to her, you want to reach out to me, feel free to do

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that. And I just want to thank you, Kaylee for being like so

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open and honest and vulnerable with your story. I know that

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that takes a lot of courage. And you are helping people right

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now. Because there are people all over the place who are

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ashamed of their stories who are scared to say what's going on.

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And it takes women like you standing up and being like,

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Listen, this is what I have gone through. This is what I have

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walked through. And this is where I'm going and look at

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where you are now. Like now you are out. You're chasing your

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dreams. You're, you're living on your own, you are creating your

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reality. And, girl, I'm just so proud of you. Oh, this is so

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awesome.

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Thank you. No, it's so true. It's so true. It's like there's

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no reason to be ashamed of what we've gone through. These things

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make us so much stronger. I look I always my kind of thing is

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like the diamonds. Like diamonds, but

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but also because I feel like I've been carved out by these

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things and I'm actually so grateful for them. Like how you

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ask them the beginning how these things like, helped me in my in

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my life now. I feel like I've been carved out you know, and I

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needed to go through that adversity and there's no other

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way you know, and now you know you can sparkle and and and just

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like live to your full potential, you know? Yeah, and

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it's so true. I mean, we every single thing that has I am with

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you Like every single thing that has happened to me as

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You know, horrible as some of it might sound to some people, like

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when I explain it. For me, I'm numb to it because I lived

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through it. So to me, I'm just like, why are you.

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But as horrible as it may sound, I am so grateful for every

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single thing. Because if I hadn't been through that, I

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wouldn't be where I am now. You know. And

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as one of my mentors and my lead, he always is talking about

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how everything happens for you, not to you. And when you adapt,

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that's really when your wife can vote. Because I mean, I'm sure

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you still struggle now. Right? There's still things that Yeah,

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of course, yeah. So we're always gonna struggle, there's always

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gonna be those things to come up. But you just have to take

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that ownership and be able to look like, well, what is there

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to learn? How can I How can I grow?

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So one of the one of the lines that you wrote in,

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in your email to me, was that you bring art into reality, and

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you love making art out of life? Can you expand upon that a

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little bit? Because I just, I just, I just love that.

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Um, yeah, so I

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you know, I love britney spears and everything, okay, pop star

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like icon, right? But I was never, you know, the kind of, I

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always hated the idea of pop music and pop celebrities, and

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just these things that are so superficial, and it's like,

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there's all of this, like, packaging around it. And I get

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it on a on a business sense. But at the same time, in the longer

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run of things, like, in terms of like, your legacy, and what you

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want to leave to the world. Like, I don't, I don't want to

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say, Yeah, I was like, a pop princess. And it was all kind

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of, like, this manufactured thing, and whatever. I want to

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bring, like actual life to, to people, you know, I want to, you

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know, all my lyrics are just things that have happened to me,

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they're just real, they're just real emotions, you know, and in

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terms of like, music videos, or documentaries, or any type of

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like, film content that people can see, I want them to get real

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life from it, I want them to see, you know, somebody's going

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through a hard time or, you know, just making a joke just

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being real with with the camera. Like, I mean, I, I think that's

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really like, that goes along with,

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with, like, what we, what we, like our generation kind of does

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now is is less manufactured, and it's less fake, and you can't

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really get away with that kind of crap anymore. Because, you

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know, people can see right through it, and you really want

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to connect with people. So, I don't know. Um, yeah.

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You know, so as far as legacy goes, What is this is gonna be a

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loaded question, what is the legacy that you want to, to

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leave? Like, if you picture yourself, you know, it 50 years

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from now? Like, what, what do you what is that story that

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you're going to be telling your grandkids and you're great.

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Yeah. So, I mean, part of it is the is the kids thing. That's

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part of my legacy. I want to be like a really good mother, you

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know, um, so that's really important to me is having my

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kids be like, wow, like, I have the coolest mom ever. And I just

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really respect her and she just did such a great job. Like, I

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feel so loved that part of my legacy, you know, it's a huge

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part of it. Another part of it is is leaving

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is leaving the arts, you know, is leaving, you know, films and

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songs that people resonate with.

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And they know like, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm a real person and I,

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you know, I'm not really trying to put on like a front

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and I really just want to make cool stuff, you know.

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And yeah, so, yeah. So yeah, I love that and I believe that,

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you know, with with my becoming the big me, you know, brand and

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coaching is all about

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stepping into alignment with yourself and you are allowed to

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get massively rewarded on a monetary level, just for being

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who you are.

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And that's one of the reasons why I love this story. Because

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with through your music like you, you are really leaving a

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piece of yourself like, this is your soul coming out into

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existence into the world. And I just think that is so awesome.

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Have you? Have you ever had fear of like sharing that was a part

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of your life? Maybe like, like, your band where you weren't

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quite as you know, authentic or anything? Yeah, no, I mean, I

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still I still have fear about, you know, performing and, and

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letting people see like the real me, which is silly, because I

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mean, that's it. That's it is what it is like, I am me. I'm

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never gonna.

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Yeah, exactly. And so but I think we all have fears about

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being, like, completely exposed for who we truly are. I don't,

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there's nothing to be ashamed of, though, you know, what I

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mean? Like, we need to be who we truly are, and, and share that

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with the world. Because if we don't share, you know, our

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journeys and share ourselves with others, then it's not a

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very fulfilling life, you know, and it's doing like yourself a

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disservice, as well as other people who aren't able to, like,

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get the value from, from your story and everything. So you

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have to share yourself, you know, it is scary, though.

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That's the whole. That's, it is what it is, like, you have to

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get out of your comfort zone, you know, because everything. If

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you're going to do something that you haven't done before,

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you're probably not going to be comfortable with it. But on the

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other side of that is like, immense happiness, because

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you're going to do it and you're gonna be like, Oh, my God, I

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can't believe I waited so long. This is amazing. You know, so,

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yeah. hard until you have done it once you've done it. And it's

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like,

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Yeah, exactly, exactly. And also, like, I think the like, I

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honestly, I think of it as like, a portal or like, it's like your

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own energy and your own desires, and who you truly are on your,

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your true gifts. Like, those are a source, they're, they're like,

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the most potent energy you could draw from. So I always, you

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know, I grew up like, Oh, my mom and dad just work nine to five,

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and like, they're kind of complaining a lot. And like,

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they didn't really seem like that inspired. You know, so

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like, that doesn't seem like, you know, and I think a lot of

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like, our generation kind of went through that they're like,

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this kind of seems like, Bs, like, what are they doing? And

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so tap on the other side of that tapping into, like, your true

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potential, and you're, like, what you really want to do and

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that that is way more potent energy. And that's gonna, like,

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you know, proliferate the things in your life. And, you know, so

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you have to, you have to use that source, you know, for all

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that.

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So how I'm, I'm definitely on the crazy woowoo side of things

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these days, I never used to be I was like, completely opposite.

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But have you like, how has mindset, belief, spirituality,

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any of those kinds of topics? How has that played into your

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life and your growth?

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Um, okay, so for in terms of mindset, I think mindset is

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honestly, everything.

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And of course, like, we've heard that a million times, but like,

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the things that people say that are cliche, or because people

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keep saying them, because it resonates, you know,

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but mindset is truly everything.

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Back, you know, years ago, when I had gone through all these

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things, and I was struggling so much just for, you know, to get

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through a day and for basic things, like I was just so

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struggling.

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But I was, I was like, in a victim mindset. I was like, why

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is this happening to me, like, I feel so bad for myself. I can't

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do anything to help myself. And it was just a rotating mindset,

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you know, and that's just through your thoughts throughout

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the day. And as soon as I say, Okay, I started listening to

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this really weird thing on YouTube. How I found it. I think

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it was like related to like law of attraction and stuff. This

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guy's name, I think it was called Bashar. So it was like

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Porsche or something. It was this really weird guy who kind

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of talked about like anything like being real, like, it was

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really out there and weird but so I was listening to that and

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listening to a lot of jazz and stuff.

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But that kind of broke me out of like this kind of dead end

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mindset was like, oh, okay, wait, anything actually is

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possible. I've always believed that, okay, how do I like

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integrate that, more of that, you know, and just law of

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attraction is just you like you, you become what you think. And

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so I listened to a lot of I listened to a lot of like

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Abraham Hicks like law of attraction stuff just to get me

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through and to, you know, like, reprogram my mind because I was

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like, No, this isn't working, whatever program I'm running is

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not working very well. So I'm going to try and download all

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these new mindsets. And that honestly was like, the number

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one thing that like broke me out of will. It just broke me out of

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my mindset and into a new one. And then it was better, you

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know, began up leveling process. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How do you

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tie in, like self care, and, like gratitude, or any of that

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kind of stuff, you tie that into your routine to keep high

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vibrational state? Yeah, you You definitely you have to, um,

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like, in terms of like, self care, I'm always

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I used to not be good with this. But I, I just think of myself as

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if I was my own friend. And so, you know, you're going to be

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like, so nice to your friend, and so caring, and you're going

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to be like, well just take a break or take a bath. Like,

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don't overthink it, you'll be fine. But with ourselves, we're

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like that, you know, it's like,

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okay, so just pretend like you're your best friend. And,

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you know, say what they would say to you, you know, so So, you

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know, take a nice long bath, you know, make, I always like, I

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can't go out of the house without like getting fully

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ready. Even if it's like just a little bit of makeup, at least I

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look polished. Because that does so much for your self

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confidence, you know what I mean? It's just, like night day

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difference, I feel so much more confident when I'm like, put

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together. And you know, just like, just a little bit of care

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goes a long way. You know, I always you know, keep my

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surroundings like, clean, like, I care for everything and you

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know,

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you know, lighting candles and stuff like that just just good

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for you, you know, comforting yourself. Um, yeah,

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I think it can be kind of hard sometimes when you're on this,

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you know, entrepreneurial journey, especially as women I

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feel we kind of can let like,

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we put ourselves last a lot of the times, you know, like we're

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trying to show up and serve people. And we're in a business,

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when you're trying to build a business, there's always all

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this tasks that you need to do. And a lot of times, we can let

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that go, we can let that self care piece kind of slide, slide

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away. And what I realized for myself personally, and my

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clients and everyone that I've really worked with, is that when

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you are entrepreneur, self care is more important than anything

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else ain't more important than any of the you know, business

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tangible strategies, the going, going going because

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you are your business

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or your business. And when you're out there having to share

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yourself in that way. You need to make sure that you're taking

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care of yourself first, because it was kind of hard for you to

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get to the place where you realize that was kind of like a

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slow journey. Was it kind of like a smack in the head?

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Yeah, I mean, I think it was probably a little bit of a slow

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journey.

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Like at first I would I would honestly be so excited to start

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working on songs and working on this and not that I would wake

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up and then I wouldn't like I wouldn't I wouldn't take a

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shower yet. I would just like go like straight on my computer or

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straight on this and that and then like before you know it

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it's like all this time has passed and my hair is still

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crazy. And I'm like wait a second.

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This is not the Okay, so So yeah, I think making just like

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the routine of everything you know, I make sure that I

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Go to, you know, do like exercise, at least, you know, a

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couple of times a week. And just having those set routines at the

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same time is golden, you know, like, um, yeah, and just, I just

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think routine is because it's like, then you don't have to

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think about it, you know? But if every day is different than it's

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like, you're going to Oh, no, nevermind, nevermind this that.

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So you know, so prioritize putting a routine around your

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self care and around around taking care of yourself first,

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have that be the foundation, you know, and then, and then put,

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you know, schedule the time for your business. Yeah, I love that

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so much, because so often, we put like, all of the big tasks

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in our calendar first. And then we're like, oh, we'll just do

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the other stuff. Like, as you know, when I can fit it in, and

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then never fit it in. So I love that you're saying like,

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schedule yourself care that

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I love, I do that I schedule. Care, like, I have a period of

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time in the morning and a period of time in the evening. And it's

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like, no, this is for me.

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And God is sacred, like that is the most important part of my

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day. It's true. It's true. It's so important. So important.

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And so one of the other things that one does the way that you

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described it, I really liked so that your thoughts holding you

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in a mental cage? Can you expand on that phrase a little bit

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more? Yeah. Um, so like, like I said, You know, I grew up in a

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very abusive environment. And the, the, when people hear that

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they think, like, oh, like, you were beaten, and like, you know,

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that sucks. But like, you know, you're not, you're not in that

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anymore. So whatever, right, but the brunt of it was actually

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emotional abuse, and somebody, you know, my father, just

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putting these seeds of doubt in my mind, you know, he had his

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own issues, and that got projected onto me, you know, so,

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after a while, I was like, doubting my own my own

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confidence. And I was doubting, Is this real? Wait, did that

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actually happen? You know, it was like, and then I, it was,

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like, I honestly discovered that I had this like, self hatred for

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myself. And there was, and it's like, that doesn't make sense.

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Why would I hate myself, but it was because it was, like,

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planted inside me, you know, because of the environment. And

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I subconsciously developed these beliefs that were not serving me

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at all. And so, you know, it reached a point where it was

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like, completely like a cage. And I think that that's, that's

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what like, mental illness is, it's like, you know, you don't

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feel like you're in control anymore. Because these thoughts

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have become so all encompassing, that it. It's like, how do you

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move? Everything is in the way, you know? Um, yeah, I think

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that's what makes people go nuts is,

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you know, it's like, oh, it's like, you know, you just you

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reach a point where you're like, this is just not working.

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There's something, you know. So yeah, like, like I said, just

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reprogramming. Like, I would write out in my journal, all of

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these crazy thoughts that were going through my mind, and I

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didn't realize that I had these it would be like, I effing hate

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myself. But oh, I didn't know I actually thought that.

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Like, think about it, okay, no, like, I don't, I don't hate

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myself, you know, like, reason with yourself and be like, is

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that true, please, that's total BS, I will, you know, cuz we

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can't choose the environment that we grow up in, you know,

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and if it doesn't serve you, if it's giving you beliefs that are

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not serving you, then it's our responsibility to change those,

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you know, so but just doing the whole like, word vomit thing,

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and just writing out these crazy things. Like I would never want

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someone to find that. You would literally think I was like an

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insane person. We like but if that's what it was, you know,

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those are the, the person were holding me back. So, you know,

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and also you have to do is sometimes people, at least I

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know for me when I was first like kind of realizing what

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these toxic beliefs and programs that I had was, is I was like

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afraid to admit, afraid to even like look at that side of

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myself.

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But that's exactly what you have to do, you have to steer it head

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on, you have to write it down. So you can go, and you can read

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it and be like, that's total bullshit. Like that is not true

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at all. And then you can dissect the limiting belief. And that is

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when you can actually start to make changes, you have to be

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aware of it, like, nothing is gonna change. So

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you, you know, did that word vomit is

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mean that that's what you got to do, or even some people are not

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good at like a writing thing. So even if you just like pull out

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your cell phone, and just like, record your thoughts, like word

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vomit, just like stream of consciousness, don't block

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yourself because our ego and our consciousness is going to like,

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try to jump in away and like, have us not say the things

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because it doesn't want us to be like, embarrassed or to feel

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shameful. But you have to just like do that stream

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consciousness. So you can go back and you can be like, Oh,

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is that helping me? Yeah, yeah, no, like, I was telling you, my

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friend Dan, he was there to listen to me, we would have

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conversations. And I would be like, Okay, I know, this sounds

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crazy. But here's this crazy belief inside my head. And he

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would just let me you know, and so having somebody who can, who

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can just listen to you. It's like, he didn't have to say

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anything. comfort me. He didn't have to be like, No, that's not

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true. He just, he just had to listen.

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And he did. And so having somebody like that around who

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can just listen to you and not judge you and not try to fake

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but just listen. And you're like, Oh, well, yeah, we both

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know, that sounds crazy. But you know, hey, it is what it is. So

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you got to get out there. Can I ask? How is your relationship

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with your dad these days.

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Um, so it's, it's, I feel like, it'll always be complicated.

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Because there's, there's certain boundaries that you can cross

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with someone who that's like, unforgiveable. You know, I don't

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say it lightly, you know, that, oh, like, I have a grudge and

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I'll never forgive someone. But it's like, there's certain

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boundaries that you cross in a human where you're like,

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I'm never going back. Because I'm never letting that happen to

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myself again, you know, so you have to protect yourself. So for

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years, I just kind of cut myself off and didn't really, you know,

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engage in the relationship, it's been distant for like, years.

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And then, you know, right before I moved down to LA, so in March,

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I was actually, you know, I went back and I was living with him.

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And it was, he had, he's actually improved a lot over

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over a few years, he's a lot more aware of how other people

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feel, because that was kind of the main root problem is like,

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he didn't think about others having feelings, he just kind of

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like exploded his own issues over everything.

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And so I can tell that he's actually more conscious now.

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Which is great. You know, I mean, he actually hit me up, I

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think, yesterday or the day before. He was like, hey, um,

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and we talked like, every, every now and then he'll send me

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these, like, this YouTube video of like, this couple that like,

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goes on a boat, and they have people fund it for them or

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something, I don't know, some random thing. So but he actually

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texted me the other day, it was like, you know, I have I know, I

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haven't been

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the best dad, you know, obviously, but I want to fix

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that. And so it's like, you know, always have like, a

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certain amount of distance just because, you know, but what

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someone's capable of, you know, you're not going to put yourself

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in that same situation. You know, I don't look for his

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approval. I don't, you know, I don't expect like anything from

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him really, you know, but it is nice that at least we can be

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kind of cordial, and maybe, you know, he can come visit and you

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know, we'll see what happens but you know, I don't I'm not really

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too invested. If that makes sense. It was like I feel you on

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so many levels.

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But it's nice because once you kind of realize that others have

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pin other people's opinions of you are none of your business.

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You can kind of move forward in that way. Yeah, like you're not

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gonna allow them back into your life in the way that you used

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to. But it sounds like you know, if you're you guys are kind of

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communicating like

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You're able to move forward from, from things and, and, you

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know, forgive on some, on some level Obviously not.

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You know, don't put yourself back into the line of fire but

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move right. I love that, you know, you're not looking for his

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approval because that's something that I have personally

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struggled with for a very long time is because of that

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relationship because the the mental abuse, I'm constantly

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seeking his approval. And the moment that I realized that that

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didn't matter, like why am I looking for someone's approval

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who like, doesn't even care?

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That's when, like, free like, it's so freeing, and now I can

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talk I can have conversations with him. I can visit him I can

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do these things. I don't want to jump off of a cliff. Yeah, yeah,

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exactly. Exactly. Because like, you know, as children, like,

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we're depending, I mean, in my case, with like a parent, we're

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depending on these people for so much. But then once you become

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an adult, you're you depend on yourself, you know what I mean?

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For the most part, like, for those kinds of things, so you

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realize, like, okay, I don't need, I don't need my dad to

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tell me like that. He's proud of me. Like, I'm proud of me. I

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know that he has his own issues, you know, so you kind of become

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more mature and just just at least appreciate things for what

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you do have, you know, so? Yeah, you will, I mean, you, you said

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it right there, you realize that it comes from within yourself.

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That's all that matters, you know that you are proud of you.

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And I'm like feeling all kinds of like emotion surfacing.

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But I didn't know what to say I don't you know, I don't know you

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that, well, I'm just getting to know you. But I'm proud of you.

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I mean, listening to your story, what you've gone through where

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you are now, where you're going, I'm so excited to see all of the

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amazing things that are going to happen for you. And you're I

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mean, this is just the beginning, you're just at the

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beginning of your journey. And there's so much that I see

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happening in your life over these next couple of years. You

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guys, she has some really awesome, awesome, awesome stuff

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in the works outside of her singing. So you're going to want

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to make sure that you stay up to date with her if you are

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interested in

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let's say empowering apparel. That's all I'm gonna say about

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that, then you're definitely going to want to be in Kaylee's

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life and in her network. So, Kaylee, I really appreciate you

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for coming on and sharing your story with us. If there's one

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thing that you can leave the listeners with one final tip, if

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they only get one thing out of this whole, you know, 45 minute

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chat. What would that be?

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Well, thank you again, for having me on my last words.

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This sounds like so dramatic.

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My, my path that I want to end on is be the person that you

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want to be.

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So like, we all know, if we think about it, like in the back

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of our mind, you know, we want to be a certain type of person,

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we want to be a good person, we want to be a successful person.

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So be the person that you really want to be. Because we can get

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caught up in you know, reacting and stuff like that. We're only

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human, but and also be grateful.

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Though, be the person that you want to be and be grateful for

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all that you have going for you already.

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Thank you. I love that that is great. So you guys, where can

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people follow you? Where can they listen to your music, give

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me all the information so people can stay up to date with you and

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just keep watching you on your journey. Yeah, so I I love

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Instagram. So I'm getting more into the stories and stuff like

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that so steely Kenny on Instagram, I post some funny,

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and also some cool intellectual things on Twitter. Um, and then

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you can find Kayla Kenny, my music on YouTube some videos up

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there. So those are the main places that I hang out. Awesome.

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And you guys I'm gonna put all of her information, all the

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links, all the good stuff in the description in the show notes.

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So you will

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easily be able to just follow her there and thank you so much

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for tuning in to another episode of solopreneur Saturday

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featuring Kaylee Kenny. amazing, beautiful goddess singer.

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I'm so happy to have you know share your story and got to know

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you better I can't wait to continue to connect with you

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further because I feel like there's so much more than I want

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to talk to you of how

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that I can't fit on this.

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Absolutely thank you guys for watching and thank you so much

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for having me.

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Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The becoming

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the big me podcasts. If you found value in today's episode,

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make sure to leave us a review and share this episode with

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someone who needs to hear this message. That's how our podcast

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grows. Are you curious about learning more about harnessing

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the power of your subconscious mind. then join the free rewire

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challenge where we will dive deep into the subconscious mind

Speaker:

how it works and give you some tangible action steps to begin

Speaker:

rewiring it to serve you go to bit.li slash rewire challenge

Speaker:

that bit.li slash rewire challenge. Until next time, I'm

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your host Djemilah Birnie, signing out

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