How to set healthy boundaries without guilt, protect your peace, and create with freedom as a faith-driven leader.

Episode Overview

What is something every creator needs, many talk about, but few actually enforce? Boundaries.

In this episode, Jim unpacks why boundaries are essential for your mental, emotional, and spiritual health—and why defining them isn’t enough. You’ll discover what it looks like to actually enforce your non-negotiables, how to handle resistance (especially from family), and how saying “no” without guilt frees you to say “yes” to God’s calling.

What You’ll Walk Away With

• A faith-based perspective on why boundaries matter for creators and leaders
• The three principles of healthy boundaries you can apply right away
• Practical ways to communicate your boundaries with kindness and confidence
• A new way to think about “no” that removes guilt and anchors you in your mission

Faith Connection

Proverbs 4:23 calls us to guard our hearts with all diligence. Boundaries are how we do this. Even Jesus modeled them—choosing when to minister, when to rest, and when to withdraw. For Christian creators, boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re stewardship.

Creator Application

As a creator, if you don’t set your boundaries, algorithms, audiences, and even family members will set them for you. Boundaries give you the clarity, peace, and focus to create consistently without burning out.

Weekly Challenge

Pick one boundary you’ve been avoiding. Define it. Communicate it. Enforce it. Then watch how protecting your peace changes your creativity.

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What is something that every one of us need, few of us actually have, and even less of us enforce the ones that we do have.

Well, we're going to talk about that on today's episode.

Welcome to Online Business for Christian Creatives, the show that helps you build a business that honors God, fuels your creativity and actually pays the bills.

I'm your host, Jim Burgo, leadership coach, Faith first, entrepreneur, and a guy who's made just about every mistake.

So, so you don't have to.

Let's get into it.

Hey, welcome back to the show.

I'm Jim.

So grateful that you're here.

Today, we're going to talk about something that every one of us need.

If you want to protect your peace, if you want to help your mental health, if you want to make sure that you're living a life that is full, that is not going to be falling apart, then you need boundaries.

And it is, it is a buzzword out there and has been for a while.

But I'm going to tell you I want to help you in practical ways on actually how to define how to think about and what to actually do with boundaries.

Today's conversation is inspired by a Facebook post.

I made a hashtag, wisdombomb and it says when you honor your non negotiables, you don't lose people, you gain the right people.

Now, when we pull back the curtain of boundaries, we understand that when we have proper boundaries, people will leave.

However, the people that leave are the people that don't respect your boundaries.

These are the people that are come in and say, oh, there's the line.

And they're going to be like, either change the line, come back to what you used to be, or I'm out.

And if it's a non negotiable and it should be, then you need to hold the line because their staying does not, should not depend on you caving on a non negotiable because without boundaries we face burnout, we lack peace, we lose creativity, we lose a lot of our health, whether it be mental, emotional or physical, because we don't have the boundaries in place in order to live the life at the level that God has called us to.

So I want to encourage, I want to challenge and I want to give you tools and tips on how to have proper boundaries, what to think about boundaries and, and how to actually enforce them when you're faced with challenges.

There's a story from Henry Cloud and John Townsend in a book called Boundaries and they did a research study why kids feel safe.

And this whole Thing was, there was a little hill and there was a school at the hill and there was a bunch of kids there.

And at the bottom of the hill there was a fence.

And every day at recess, the teacher would allow the kids to go out and play in the field.

And when they went, they would go as far as the fence.

Some of them would climb on the fence, some of them would things throughout the field.

But one day a researcher came in and said, could I remove the fence and see what happens?

So they did.

And so when the kids came out for recess that day, they noticed that the fence was not there.

And you know what happened?

They stayed closer to the building.

They didn't go to the boundary because they didn't know where the boundary was.

They didn't go where the fence used to be.

They stayed closer because it was safer because they.

The boundary was no longer defined.

So what does that mean for us?

Boundaries that are defined create freedom in our lives.

The kids knew the line and knew how far they can go to the line without facing consequences, without feeling unsafe because they understood, because the line was clearly defined.

When you remove the line, or in most cases you don't have a line, then guess what?

You're un unsure, you're full of anxiety, you're full of just feeling unsafe.

And so we have to define your safety net.

We have to define your safety zone.

And we have to also understand that not everybody's going to agree with that.

And that's okay.

Your life needs to be lived before God.

And the way God wants you to live that life, not into the opinions of others and how they dictate your life should be because if you listen to other people, they will tell you to abandon your boundaries and to live at a minimum state that they can tolerate.

And you're not here to let them tolerate you.

You're here to be a light to shine into this world.

So we want to emphasize that boundaries do not equal restrictions.

We will hear that it does.

We will hear that they're tiring or that the people don't want you to have them.

That's on them.

And it's not restricting.

It's freedom, it's protection, it's safety.

So we want to define them, we want to think properly about them and then we want to enforce them.

Because let me give you about, Let me give you a couple foundation principles because we want to make sure we start with how do you think about boundaries?

We start with clarity.

Define your non negotiables, like time with God, Sabbath rest, family dinner, Creative time.

Maybe you make a date with yourself every single day to read to fish or whatever that is.

Have clarity.

Where you define this is a non negotiable with me consistency, A boundary enforced halfway is just a suggestion.

We either need to be all or nothing.

Will it take time to get into the places of consistency?

Sure.

But you can't do a halfway boundary expecting maximal results.

You must say these are my non negotiables because we clearly define them.

These are the times I do them.

If you want time with me, you're going to make time with me outside of my designated things so that I can stay consistent in what matters to me, what God is calling me to, and what keeps me healthy.

The next principle on how to think about this is comparison.

Boundaries aren't walls, they're gates.

They let in the right things and they repel the wrong things.

Because a gate shut says, you can't come in here unless I allow it.

So if you're not going to listen to the rules of the house inside, you know, whatever rule I make, whatever is my heart to keep me healthy, then you can't come in.

And what that does is that begins to repel toxic people, toxic behaviors, and allows the right behavior in what you define as the right behaviors.

What the Bible defines as the uplifting, the encouraging, the loving behaviors that you want in your life.

And these are the things that are allowed in because the other things aren't.

Even the Bible goes so far into saying it's proverbs.

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life.

What does that really mean?

In light of this conversation?

Make sure you have boundaries to let the right things in your heart.

Because everything that your heart produces determines what's in your life.

So don't compare like it's not a wall to repel.

If you created walls, then you are in a place of unhealed trauma that needs to be dealt with.

These are gates, which means these are entry points that I allow the right in and I repel the wrong.

Because here's the bottom line.

If you don't protect your peace, no one else will.

If you don't protect your mental and emotional health, others may try to steal it.

Not consciously, subconsciously, because guess what?

Misery loves company.

So people who are misery, who are miserable, who are, are hurt, who are looking for others to be in their nonsense with them, may come to you trying to get you in their nonsense.

But your job, my job is to be healthy, to have healthy boundaries.

So I'm not living in other people's nonsense and I'm not letting people into my nonsense as I heal.

So remember that if you don't protect your peace, if you don't guard your heart with all, all diligence, nobody else will.

So let's get into the practical implementations of boundaries because I want to be able to implement them practically so that we enforce them later and then we can get into some of that sticky dicey stuff.

So the number one is consistent schedules.

Boundaries need to be on a consistent schedule.

Now if you say I want time with the Lord at 6am, set that time.

And if you sleep through it, you just get up and you do better the next day.

This is not a shame and guilt thing.

But these are saying if whatever, six or seven or six to seven, that one hour, you don't take phone calls, you don't take text, you don't, you don't take anything coming to see you or talk to you or distract you.

Because this is a schedule you've created for yourself.

You must put your boundaries on schedules to protect your time.

And the scheduled boundaries include any type of safeguards.

And your safeguards could be you put your phone on do not disturb with the caveat of maybe your spouse being able to be the only one set to call you in case of emergency or if you have kids.

That'd be the only caveat because remember, the world is trying to take from you.

So you need time to recharge.

Even Jesus recharged.

And so we want to put things in place that are going to protect our boundaries.

And this is a beautiful thing because what happens when you have a mother in law coming in and saying, hey, I want your time.

And you go, well, this is my time for spending time with the God, with the Lord.

And she.

And he or she is like, well, no, this is, I need you when you put your stuff on, do not disturb, with the only exception I mentioned, they may call you and it goes right to voicemail and you can return your calls afterwards.

So it's a beautiful thing to put up a safe route or a guard if somebody's trying to disturb you, that you don't want to disturb you during a sacred time, that you set aside your boundary time.

So we need to also understand that practically we need to communicate our boundaries.

Now this could be done in a couple ways.

The first being, hey, I have a set time from here to here.

I ask you not to disturb me if you can.

And this is where the consequences, the enforcement side comes in.

If you Keep disturbing me during this time, then I'm going to have to limit our, our interactions because you don't respect me or my time or my boundaries.

So therefore, if you can't respect those, you can't play in the fields with me.

So we make sure that we are constantly communicating the expectations, the boundaries, the time frame.

And even if you want to go one further in the kindness of it and or compassion, you can say, and I'll get back to you during this time.

And that's totally acceptable.

And people will have to be okay with that.

And so now we're going to do another layer of practicality.

And this is family mode, family boundaries, right?

And it still goes to things.

Set times, set boundaries.

Now, if you have a family with kids, you will have to do your set times around certain other things.

Like if you take them to school, you can't have your time with God.

If you take them to school, the two may not mix.

So use discretion, but make sure that you are A, communicating often.

B, set up a room.

Like, if you have like four or five people in your house saying, when I'm in this room and the door is shut, please do not disturb until I come out.

And it may take a little while, but constantly encourage, constantly hold your ground.

And it.

They will come together and be like, okay, that's their time.

I remember hearing a story of a mom who had multiple children.

And every time that mother would want to pray, she would put a cover over her and the kids would bother at first and she said, no, I'm praying, I'm praying.

And then the spouse got in, dad got in and was like, mom's praying.

Every time you see the COVID mom is praying.

And the most beautiful thing happened when, when they were constantly, when she had that cover, they would not, after a while, they would no longer disturb her.

They said, oh, she's praying.

And then every part of the story was, some of the kids got their own covers and prayed.

And so that actually interesting enough, can often lead to something beautiful because you don't know the boundaries.

And the health you're trying to claim could set a spark of inspiration for others to do the same.

So just remember, your boundaries aren't just for your health.

It will impact others.

Now this comes to the sticky part, because the hardest part is to make sure is to enforce these boundaries.

That's super hard, especially with family.

And before I jump into that part of the conversation, I do want to make mention now, I have been really focused on creative time, personal time, you know, having those scheduled boundaries.

But there's also conversational boundaries and we'll touch on that in a minute.

But I want to make sure that you understand there are emotional, mental and conversational boundaries.

But let's get into the enforcement side before I jump into that.

So one of the questions on that post that I had mentioned earlier said, what if your family or the person you're trying to uphold boundaries are, is with a spouse or with your mother or with certain things.

Now, if you are married, not living at home, let's deal with that section first because I think that's the easier of it because I had a mom who was very challenging a lot of times and didn't know personal boundaries.

And a matter of fact, when I had personal boundaries, it became a very challenging conversation of I didn't love her, you know, all the shame and guilt and some manipulative things.

And.

And it was never the case.

It was.

I was choosing to protect myself and that.

That didn't include her in those conversations and that upset her.

So with that being said, I will tell you that when you have somebody that doesn't live at home, you can go lower contact or the do not disturb and say, hey, if you don't need me, you can communicate it.

Please communicate it.

Hey, if I'm during this time, I will not pick up.

My phone will be on do not disturb or I will make sure I get back to you.

But understand that if you text me or do these things, you will not hear me until I'm done what I'm doing.

And these are the things that are going to be sticky, but it's easier when it's.

They're not living with you because then if they don't respect, you could just go lower contact where you see them at Christmas.

Sure, it'll be awkward, it'll be those things.

But I don't need to be in your face or in conversation with you 24 7.

Especially if you don't, you do not, like, respect me.

So we're going to go lower contact now.

What if it's somebody in the house?

Now this is where the challenge really gets it.

It's not impossible, but it's hard, especially when people, like follow you around or do different things.

Here's what I'm going to tell you and it's going to be.

It's going to be simple but not easy.

And that is constantly, constantly communicate.

This is a boundary for me.

Now, some people say boundaries are if you say something and hurt my feelings, that's a boundary.

You Cross.

That is not a boundary you cross.

You just got offended.

A boundary that's crossed that says at this time I'm journaling, do not disturb me or I don't like this level of conversation and it could be anything.

Some people don't like to bring up certain things in the past.

You've got to communicate these things.

The more you communicate, the better it is.

Now the question then becomes, what if I communicate it and they still don't care?

That's a whole different section because this is a part where you may need therapy to talk it through.

But I will tell you, stick to your grounds because one of two things are going to happen.

They're either going to, they may chase you a while, they may be a little bit harder, like more aggressive with the way they talk or trying to get that out of you, that get that time.

But stick to your guns, stick to those boundaries because one of two things are going to happen.

They're either going to say, you know what?

I'm not even, it's not worth me putting so much energy and time into it.

Or they're going to leave.

And either decision is fine.

And you've got to be okay with both decisions.

But at the end of the day, you've got to protect your peace, you've got to protect your mental health, you got to protect your emotional health.

Now if you have an abusive situation, I do sell tell people the boundary is you can't lay hands on me.

If you lay hands on me, you are no longer here or I am no longer here, which means we move, one of us move out and we are no longer together.

That's a non negotiable.

We don't lay hands, we don't do these things.

Well, what if it's verbal abuse?

The same thing can go for that.

Listen, this is not how you talk to me.

If you continue to talk to me like this and we can't work this out or come to a mutual agreement, we've got to decide other paths and you just got to stick to those guns.

You got to stick to those paths because here's what it comes down to.

It's learning to say no.

You can't cross this line without the guilt because we tend to be guilty because whatever trauma we've been through, we think we're a burden, we think this is bad.

But it's learning to be assertive without being a jerk.

It's learning to step up for ourselves without being abusive.

It's learning to say no without being manipulative.

It's learning to say, here's my line without being emotionally wrecked.

So we have to let go of the guilt, the get go of the condemnation we give on ourselves when we're trying to live up and say, this is the most healthiest for me, right?

Because remember eight Romans, eight, eight, one says, therefore there is no longer any condemnation through all those in Christ Jesus.

We've got to grab that verse and understand this is part of that there.

You cannot condemn yourself.

You cannot allow others to condemn yourself when learning to say, no, you.

And so here's some alternatives you can affirm but redirect.

Thank you for asking, thank you for bringing that up, but I can't commit to that.

I don't feel comfortable talking about that.

But here's what we can do instead.

Here's what we can talk about instead.

Did you see how we affirmed.

Thank you for bringing that up.

Thank you for asking the questions, but I don't feel comfortable.

Let's go ahead and redirect until I can feel comfortable.

The second thing is prepare some no phrases.

You know, script it.

Scripting is not always a bad thing.

These are things that you're going to have like four or five different ways to say no.

I'm sorry, I can't commit to that flat out, no.

Maybe you go, that's a great idea, but that's not for me.

Or maybe you go into this place of saying, you know, these are great things that you're bringing up.

I'm going to have to pass.

Do you see how I did all four of those?

You can have those four.

You can write those four down or you can use your own.

Script it.

So when it.

When the situations come up that you can affirm and redirect in a pleasant way because you've already, already decided what you're going to say so that.

So you, my friends, who are afraid of conflict, you already have the thing you need to pull out of your tool belt in order to say no in polite ways so it doesn't come across as conflict.

And the other thing we've got to understand, saying no without guilt is that every no anchors you in your calling, removes distraction, and says yes to God's mission.

So remind yourself often that says this no was because this thing did not come in line with God's purpose or calling in my life.

It did not come in line with the wholeness and the healing that I'm trying to do.

So no here means a yes to whatever God's got for you.

And then the last thing is Just understanding that there is fruit.

Because remember, we are all about producing fruit.

There is fruit inside of boundaries.

It's not just the freedom that there's peace that guards your heart and your mind.

It's Philippians 4.

7.

There's increased creativity and energy.

There's a healed nervous system.

There's a healed mental and emotional table right now.

Or we can also say healing because these are the things we want.

We want to be constantly healing.

We want to be creative.

We want to make sure we're guarding our heart.

And it also, you know, gives us the fruit of integrity, a stronger integrity.

People respect you.

If the people aren't respecting you, it's the wrong people.

People who respect you will be people who respect your boundaries.

And the last thing is you are free to flourish.

Remember, for the kindergarteners who, who were in at the beginning story, they had the gate.

They could flourish within the boundary that was clearly defined inside your life.

The boundaries that you create with God is literally going to give you the freedom to create with God and flourish.

Because remember the proverbs also says, without vision do people cast off restraint without.

You can also put that without boundaries, without a.

A guardrail.

People just go crazy.

And you don't want that.

You want to be able to be healthy, healing and whole.

And to do that, you will need boundaries.

You will need to enforce your boundaries, and you will need to constantly be communicating it.

So as we land the plane of today's episode, so we're just gonna.

We're just gonna recap real quick, define it, write it down, enforce it.

That's your mission for this week.

That's all it takes.

Because here's the thing.

Protecting your peace is protecting your calling.

Protecting your peace is committing to emotional and mental health.

So I want you to get out there, follow the calling, get into the thing that God has for you, and start doing your boundaries.

Define it, write it, enforce it.

I'll even add, communicate it.

And then at the end of that, if you want to continue the conversation, I would highly suggest that you join my newsletter@leadwithjim.com nl for newsletter because this is where we're going to continue the conversation.

I'm going to drop some tools in a little while that's going to help you create better boundaries.

So with that being said, so grateful you're here.

I'll see you on the next episode.