This podcast episode at the Happiness Challenge delves into the detrimental effects of social comparison on our happiness, a theme that has been recurrent throughout our discussions on positivity.

Klaudia shares her reflections and provides practical strategies for managing the pervasive nature of social comparison, which often leads to feelings of inadequacy, envy, and dissatisfaction with one’s own life.

Throughout the episode, Klaudia talks about four common comparison traps that individuals frequently encounter, as well as actionable recommendations to navigate these challenges more effectively.

By fostering self-awareness and embracing personal growth, we can cultivate a more fulfilling and positive outlook on our lives.

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Happiness Challenge, a podcast all about the science of happiness. My name is Klaudia and In the episode 153, Unlocking Free Happiness, I spoke with Dr.

Vicki Barnes, a clinical and organizational psychologist who shared practical insights on fostering positivity day to day. In episode 154, I recapped some key elements of a perma model that help us to think about our happiness more holistically.

And in this final episode of the theme on the topic of positivity, I share my reflections and some practical tips on managing social comparison that unfortunately can undermine our sense of happiness, fulfillment and positivity. So let's dive in.

I personally believe that it's very important not to only understand what makes us happy, but also understand what can undermine our happiness so that we can put the right steps to prevent that from happening. Or we have tools to respond to those triggers when they arise in a moment. And Dr.

Vicky Barnes specifically was speaking about the fact that comparing ourselves with other people, known as social comparison, very much undermines our happiness.

And I love the fact that the perma model, which I presented in a previous episode, looks at the internal aspects of happiness, looks at things that are within our circle of influence, such as positive emotions or what brings us meaning.

But also I think we have to realize that because of social media we are part of the global community, so we are being exposed daily of what happiness and success should look like. And also it is in our human nature to compare ourselves to other people.

So research shows that around 12% of our daily thoughts are spent on making comparisons. So daily we do compare ourselves to other people.

And I think it's important to recognize that sometimes that social comparison can be quite inspirational. We can find an inspiration in external role models.

We can find something that we would love to aspire to, something can motivate us to take an action. But the problem arises when we experience negative feelings as part of that social comparison.

Again, there are so many studies that show that when we are comparing ourselves with others, that can lead to experiencing envy, sadness, frustration, and being less satisfied with our life over a long period of time.

A few classic examples that I'm sure many of us has experienced are photos of others on holidays when we are having a tough day at work, lots of specific news about other people careers when we might be struggling with our work, or we might be working in a toxic environment, or we might be struggling with a set up, specific family aspects such as pictures of another newborn when you might be struggling to conceive Pictures of loved up couples when you had another disappointing first date.

Those are a few examples when social media can make us feel really unhappy because we're comparing ourselves and our happiness and our life to something that is happening out there now. What's interesting to understand is that social comparison undermines happiness because we fall into one of the four comparison thinking traps.

So have a think about those traps and think, okay, am I applying the trap when comparing myself and my life and my happiness to other people? So trap number one, we compare our weaknesses with other people's strengths. So think about it.

Often we compare something that doesn't work in our life with all the positive images that we see online.

For example, let's say if you are unhappy in your relationship, you are more likely to compare it to the perfect one next door of your neighbor, rather. Rather to the one that your friend is having. That is quite challenging.

Second trap is we compare our inner feelings with other people external self image. So again, pictures of happy people on social media do not show their internal anxieties and struggles and their other feelings.

So again, that can make us feel inadequate thinking that we are the only one in this entire world struggling with self doubt, struggling with maybe negative self image, having those doubts, having those more difficult emotions. Trap number three is we focus on outcome rather than the effort it takes to reach happiness and success.

So it's very easy for us to compare, let's say our body to the slim physique of an athlete or a model and feel dissatisfied with all our floppy bits, while completely omitting the fact that they have a very strict lifestyle involving diets, exercise, fitness, coaches that allows them to achieve that specific outcome. And a final fourth trap is all about forgetting to consider where other people started in life.

So again, for example, a colleague might have received a promotion and therefore we feel quite inadequate. And yet we completely forget to consider that their experiences have given them more opportunities to develop their skills.

Maybe they have worked longer in the sector, maybe they had the sponsor at work to help them progress and due to aspects we cannot control, their starting point was very different to ours. And therefore their happiness or success as it looks on social media will look very different to where we are at currently.

So it's important to consider these traps and try to pinpoint when we fall into them, when we are looking at social media and having this idea of oh my goodness, my life is not good enough, maybe I'm not not happy enough, or maybe I shouldn't be happy enough because someone else is having or achieving something different to us? How can we manage the social comparison better? I have three great ideas for you to try.

So first of all, if you experiencing the feelings of being envious, sad or upset as a result of social comparison, try to understand those feelings better.

And this method comes from an excellent book called Big Feelings by Liz Foslin and Molly West Duffy and they suggest answering the following questions to help us to understand those feelings we might be experiencing in relation to social comparison better. So these questions are what exactly do those people possess that makes you feel that you're not enough?

What particular gap or like would this fulfill? Are you willing to compromise or sacrifice specific aspects to acquire what they have?

And if the answer is yes, how far are you willing to go and is it worth taking action to attain this?

So what are we trying to do is dissect a little bit the feeling of envy or frustration of what other people have and try to understand, okay, why potentially I'm envious about that and am I willing to go that extra mile to attain it?

Tip number two is to really try to understand the related sacrifices that people needed to make to achieve certain goals that they're showcasing on social media. Because again, we know it from experience that unfortunately there are always hidden trades off.

Working longer hours may bring more income and status and prestige in a career, but also may mean less time with our family. Being stay at home parent can create a strong bond with our children, but may result in missing out on some career advancements.

Being an expert in particular skill demand long hours of practice that can reduce rest time. So again, these are only a few examples. But the premise stays the same.

Only by understanding the specifics of someone else's visible success you can truly understand whether you would like to pay the hidden trades of people made to be where they are. Because again, we need to be wary that people rarely share those hidden trade offs.

So for example, in a survey of 2,000 respondents in the UK, 82% admitted that they actively lying on social media profiles by removing any tedious aspects of their lives and making their social lives more dazzling than they are in reality. And the final tip, my favorite Compare yourself with you.

So when you are stuck in that social comparison loop, it's very easy to overlook the progress that you have made and the happiness that you creating every day. So try these five coaching questions to reflect and show yourself some self compassion for who you are and what you have accomplished.

And these questions are what have I achieved that I'm particularly proud of? What strengths contributed to your success? What small daily practices contributed to your happiness?

What did you learn about yourself that you can apply into your future plans? What's the kindest thing anyone has done to show their appreciation for you being in their life?

And as I already mentioned, of course PERMA Model is a fantastic model because it really concentrates on those internal factors of our life that are in our circle of control and influence. So complete your PERMA model now, complete it in the future and compare yourself with yourself. Thank you so much for listening.

I hope this episode inspires you to show yourself more self compassion when it comes to that social comparison.

For further tips and insights on the science of happiness, follow me on LinkedIn subscribe to my Substack newsletter and finally, thank you so much for all your messages about my book the Alphabet of Happiness. I have received so many lovely messages on LinkedIn on email that you are excited that the book is coming up and I'm very excited.

And remember, you can already pre order your copy on Amazon uk. Again, thank you so much for all your support. I really appreciate it. As always, I dare you to be happy and I see you soon. Bye.