Harriet shares her thoughts on the challenges she's faced walking 900 (plus!) miles from Land's End to John O'Groats.

She's dealing with busy roads and a storm as well as crumbling cliff edges. And this has got her to thinking how dementia really is one of life's ultimate challenges.

You'll hear from dementia campaigner Nancy McAdam and her daughter Fiona about how they've adapted since Nancy was diagnosed over 20 years ago.

But support is out there as Harriet discovers with Wendy Simmons from Connecting Communities and Christina Collison who set up digital resource Dementia Help

If you like what we are doing and want to support the Dementia Adventure Support Fund please donate

Dementia Adventure has been at the forefront of providing fully supported, small group short breaks for people living with dementia and their carers for 15 years. Our supported breaks offer more than just respite; they provide meaningful, purpose-driven experiences that significantly enhance the quality of life for both people living with dementia and their caregivers. 

You can listen to Harriet's playlist on Spotify. Each week she's adding songs to match her mood on her epic walk!

The D Tour podcast is proudly sponsored by Macs Adventure

Macs Adventure specialise in self guided walking and cycling holidays for independent, active people who don't want to be part of the crowd or restricted by set dates and schedules.

Harriet Thomas: 00:00:01

I don't know if you can hear those larks, but this part of Scotland is unlike any part of Scotland I've been in because it's strip of very fertile farming land on either side of the Cromarty Firth. And it's like being in Sussex, which is where home is.

I had naively thought when I was back down south, that up here in northern Scotland, there wouldn't be much traffic on the roads. But the A9 is the one and only route from the north of Scotland to Inverness and beyond.

So there's a lot of lorries, a lot of cars, they travel very, very fast. It's a very busy road. So, so far, the John O'Groats Trail has offered me two challenges on both days. They were both crossing bridges.

One challenge I would say gave me a lot of confidence and the other challenge I really didn't enjoy at all, the Cromarty Bridge, that was really horrible. And it made me, maybe it has a good point because it made me think about the challenges later on on the trail, which will be, I think, the cliff top walking, which is the last part of the trail. And in fact the lady who owns the amazing B&B where I stayed last night, Netherton Farm B&B, she warned me as well, she said, watch out, the cliff is crumbling, the path is very narrow, you know, if in doubt, cross the fence into the field. So, yeah, just that's a challenge that lies ahead. And then I guess there's challenges that I'm not expecting. So let's see, let's see what those are.

Welcome to the D Tour, a special podcast series where I share my incredible journey walking 900 miles from Land's End to John O'Groats to raise funds for Dementia Adventure.

I'm Harriet Thomas and you can follow my adventures by visiting dtour.uk that's D T O U R dot UK.

to: 70711

Macs Adventure specialises in self guided walking and cycling holidays for independent, active people who don't want to be part of the crowd or restricted by set dates and schedules. They encourage you to go at your own pace whilst they support you with all of the routes and logistics for a worry free adventure.

This week I'm all about the challenges. You know, it's really funny, I'm nearing the end of this walk yet, some of the toughest bits are still ahead.

I'm walking along busy roads, facing all sorts of weather and trying to figure out how I'll manage the final stretches. And it's got me thinking about the ways we face challenges and the strength we need to adapt, especially when things don't go as we plan.

And that's where dementia really comes in. It's one of life's ultimate challenges, whether you're living with it or supporting someone who is. It throws curveballs at you all the time.

You have to keep going, adjusting your plans and sometimes even calling in help when things get really tough. One thing I've learned on this journey, though, is that challenges can be a bit easier when you're not alone. You know that old saying, a problem shared is a problem halved? It's really so true, isn't it?

Listening to Fiona and Nancy reminds me of this. Remember Nancy McAdam, who we met last week with her daughter Fiona?

They've been facing challenges together for years. Nancy's been living with dementia for two decades now, and she's never stopped campaigning for better support and understanding.

Fiona says that standing up for what's right has always been in her mum's nature. It's so inspiring to see how Nancy has adapted to serious challenges, from giving up driving to losing her beloved fire.

And even now, she finds ways to keep going and even rally others to help her along the way.

Nancy: 00:05:03

Why do I think it's important to campaign? I got arrested while I was sitting in a GM field years and years ago, and I'm trying to take you back to where my brain is.

Is that making any sense, Fiona?

Fiona: 00:05:18

Yeah. Like, you've always believed in fighting injustice.

So even as children, you were a member of CND and you've always believed in campaigning for things that you think are not right.

So, like, when you were part of the DM, like you would, there was a time where you were on the field and you chained yourself to the tractor because they were growing a GM crop up in the Black Isle. You wanted to campaign against that and so you were always.

You always believed in action, to being something, the best way forward to test against something you don't believe is not right.

Nancy: 00:05:57

Absolutely. I mean, what Fiona has said is what my attitude is to campaigning, that if something's wrong, you stand up and you say, that's not right.

Harriet Thomas: 00:06:08

Nancy goes on to say that the challenges she's faced since her dementia diagnosis have changed over time. Challenges, of course, always shift and change and we have to adapt at every turn.

Life's challenges, with or without dementia, ask us to be flexible, to find new ways to keep going, even when what we love needs to change.

Nancy: 00:06:34

Oh, not being able to drive was a real difficulty.

Fiona: 00:06:37

Yeah, but you overcame that. But now your biggest challenge is your fire.

Nancy: 00:06:42

Oh, I forgot about that. Right. One of the things that we discovered is that. I don't know how to explain this.

Fiona: 00:06:51

You're not allowed to light your fire anymore.

Nancy: 00:06:54

I'm no longer allowed to have a fire in my house, which I struggle with, because I love having my fire. It's part of me, you know, it's part of my life.

And one of the first things I would do in the morning was get the fire all ready to set and get ready for lighting. And now I can't have a fire. So that's become really quite a problem in my life. Would you agree?

Fiona: 00:07:18

Yeah, because your fire was the thing that you would. You would set it, you would look after it. It was saying that you would have purpose. You would look after it.

It was like company, you know, fire's like company. And because an incident happened with the fire that Nancy wasn't able to problem solve, her doctors basically said, you know, you can carry on living on your own, but you can't have a fire.

So it was a wee bit like, like the doctor almost has the power to take that, like to kind of say, you're not safe to live on your own anymore.

And she kind of agreed after meeting Nancy, you can't really. You're not. Like, you can stay on your own, but you can't light the fire because that's too much of a health and safety risk. And obviously that's...

Nancy: 00:08:07

I struggle with that. It's one of my favorite things is to have a fire, set a fire. You know, it's quite lovely. I mean, I've got a stove which is...

Fiona: 00:08:16

Got a fire effect.

Nancy: 00:08:17

A fire effect. That's right. And it's just. It's not the same. Not, not the same as having a fire, I've got to say. You know?

Fiona: 00:08:24

Well, I mean, you talked about, well, if I can't have fire inside, I could have a fire outside. And the family kind of told you, no, you can't. I kind of thought, oh, that's an idea. Maybe you could. But you were then told, no, you can't.

So how do you overcome that?

Nancy: 00:08:37

You just have to tell me, Fiona.

Fiona: 00:08:39

Well, you just have to deal with it. People come to. And when people come to visit, you.

Nancy: 00:08:45

Can have a fire. That's fine.

Fiona: 00:08:47

And you Came down here this week and we went off on holiday to a cottage and we had a fire.

Nancy: 00:08:51

And we did have a fire. It was super.

Fiona: 00:08:54

And I think the other thing is, as you talked about using, like, within your other challenge about not being able to drive, they've got something called a community car scheme, which you try to use as much as possible.

Nancy: 00:09:07

I use it all the time, darling.

Fiona: 00:09:09

What for?

Nancy: 00:09:09

To organise going places. And so I've got, someone comes to the house, collects me and then takes me to where I want to go.

We usually stop at the first of all the library and then we stop at the eating place, going for food. And then we. I go walking. I have. I'm in part.

I'm part of a walking group and I'm also go with my friends and we go walking and then we have cups of tea afterwards, as you do. And then someone comes and collects me from the house and takes me back home again. And that all works perfectly all right, doesn't it? Usually.

Fiona: 00:09:51

And then you have your other stuff that you go to, but you kind of rely on friends that are part of those groups, like your singing group and your mindfulness group.

Harriet Thomas: 00:10:02

And if you've been following along the D Tour, you might remember Nancy as one half of the dynamic duo, Nancy and Agnes from previous episodes. Together, they've taken on some incredible adventures. Whitewater rafting, making mojitos.

And they've become unstoppable dementia campaigners alongside their friend James McKillop. All of this has been since their dementia diagnoses.

I love listening to Nancy reminiscing here with Fiona about her close friendship with Agnes, a bond that blossomed through their shared experience of living with dementia.

It's amazing to see how this friendship has become a source of strength and joy for both of them, letting them take on new challenges together, both in advocacy and adventure. It just reminds us again and again that a person doesn't disappear because of dementia. You just need the right lens to keep seeing them clearly.

Nancy: 00:11:09

Agnes, I remember meeting her when she first got dementia too, and she was very shy, almost. You reckon she was shy. And she was very uncertain as to who she was, because I think anybody qho gets a diagnosis of dementia.

Sometimes it takes a while for that to happen. Yes. People are having to go through that process of finding out what's happening and what was wrong and why things are difficult.

Agnes and I were invited to join another group further north in Helmsdale. So we would travel to places to go to these meetings and sometimes we would go by bus and sometimes somebody would give us a lift.

Helmsdale was again, very rural area, farming kind of stuff. Fishing, Farming and fishing, I would say, in the north of Scotland. Take me back to James.

Fiona: 00:12:13

Agnes, how did you get on with Agnes, when you first met her,

Nancy: 00:12:16

Agnes was just. You wouldn't have believed Agnes. She was just so quiet and maybe uncommunicative. Do you think she was uncommunicative?

Fiona: 00:12:26

But you said you got on with her right away when you first met Agnes. The two of you just hit it off straight away.

Nancy: 00:12:31

We did indeed. That was wonderful.

Fiona: 00:12:33

If it hadn't been for you having dementia, you would never have met Agnes. You would never have had any of those experiences together and like the fun that you have when you're together. You know, the two of you on

the news, remember sitting the studio was at STV and whitewater rafting and making mojitos and just filming together. And you also did the zip slides and the climbing and you just have had a riot together.

Nancy: 00:13:00

We did. We did. We had a lovely time together, Agnes and I. I must admit, it was super duper. I'm trying to think who helped us as well.

Who were we working with at that point in time?

Fiona: 00:13:10

Well, it was Dementia Adventure through them that you did all those exciting adventuring.

Nancy: 00:13:16

Oh, the zip slide. The zip slide stuff. I loved doing this Zip slide. But Agnes was like, terrified. Agnes was really scared.

Fiona: 00:13:23

She said, Oh NancyQ You told me it wasn't going to be scary.

Nancy: 00:13:29

And it was... It wasn't. It wasn't at all for me, but for Agnes it was terrifying. Because also, Agnes has got very poor vision.

I don't think people realize how poor her vision is. So I hope I'm not telling anything.

Fiona: 00:13:42

So that makes things more difficult for her, doesn't it?

Nancy: 00:13:45

Yeah, absolutely.

Fiona: 00:13:46

Yeah. So you realize that you and I both have got different things. You know, your dementia is very different.

Nancy: 00:13:52

I'm remembering the experience of the whitewater rafting that with Jessie, they insisted that we get out of the boat at the time because we were in a boat and then we had to get out the boat. And then they did a really difficult bit where the water was really far too high for Emdy to be in, basically. But we went with the others doing it.

I sat at the side along with Agnes and Donna. Agnes's daughter jumped into the water, which was very, very deep. I was too scared to do it, but the others did it.

And Agnes and I just sat at the edge and watched Donna jumping in this deep, deep water, you know. So that was quite an adventure too. What was the other thing I was trying to remember?

Fiona: 00:14:41

Were you thinking about the other filming for Agnes and Nancy?

Nancy: 00:14:46

Oh, yes.

Fiona: 00:14:47

Agnes came up and stayed with you in the Black Isle

Nancy: 00:14:49

Can I talk about that just now? Agnes, they made a film called Agnes and Nancy, and Agnes was coming up to visit me on the Black Isle, where she lived in Coatbridge at the time. So this was my first introduction to. I knew Agnes by this time. She was very kind of quiet and shy, I would have said about it, wasn't she?

But there we were.

Fiona: 00:15:23

And she liked that you were the absolute opposite of her because she always felt that you weren't quiet and shy. You were very outgoing and always laughing about having dementia. You made it seem like, it's all right, I've got dementia, but it doesn't matter, you know.

Nancy: 00:15:36

It doesn't stop you doing things, actually, if you've got dementia at all, really. Where were we? Try and take me back.

Fiona: 00:15:44

So Agnes came up and you did the filming up.

Nancy: 00:15:47

So we filmed, Agnes and I, with a lovely woman called Anne Milne, who is the director. There were only two of us making this movie and she's just. We're just chopping wood, basically, in my woodshed. Can you remember?

Fiona: 00:16:04

Yeah. And then you were doing yoga together and then you were making mojitos together. You quite like to make mojitos together, don't you?

Nancy: 00:16:13

Mojitos are very important within the storyline.

Fiona: 00:16:17

Yes, mojitos are very important within your storyline.

Nancy: 00:16:24

Very important to have mojitos too.

Harriet Thomas: 00:16:27

Listening to the way Fiona interacts with Nancy is such a beautiful reminder of the power of love and respect in communication. Fiona's gentle prompts and the way she draws out the best in her mum, encouraging her with such warmth, is something we could all learn from.

We all need a cheer squad from time to time, don't we? And as I get closer to the end of this walk, I'm lucky enough to have my own cheer squad to give me a boost.

Here are a few words of encouragement from people who've been following the D Tour.

Messages from people like actress Sian Reeves, who I met and sung with in a care home in Much Wenlock, and the amazing Anna Richardson, who recently presented Love, Loss and Dementia on Channel 4, sharing her dad's journey with vascular dementia. It's amazing how a bit of support can help us through the toughest parts of any challenge. Here's Sian. Hi, Harriet, how are you?

Sian Reeves: 00:17:30

Oh, my goodness, you've nearly finished. What an amazing woman you are. Wow! 900 miles. How are your feet. Good job I'm not walking with you.

I've got that plantar fasciatus, whatever you call it, myself. I'm sending you loads of love for this last stretch. You've done an amazing job. Well done. Nearly there, nearly there. Well done.

Harriet Thomas: 00:17:52

And here's Anna.

Anna Richardson: 00:17:53

Hello, Harriet.

Just take this little message of me walking through the streets of London as a little bit of encouragement while you do your massive, massive walk from Land's End to John O'Groats. What an amazing thing to do in memory of your mum. And also raising money for Dementia Adventure. I mean, I take my hat off to you and I really, I do understand some of the pain that you have been through.

So from me to you, thank you so very much for continuing to raise awareness as well as funds and I wish you all the luck in the world every step of the way.

Harriet Thomas: 00:18:38

Thank you both. You've really put a spring in my step and I certainly need it in this weather.

So it's day 81 of the 900 mile D Tour. Anyhow, this is the first storm of the season that I don't know if you can hear. I'm walking by the Dornoch Firth.

So we've just crossed the bridge over the Dornoch Firth and so there's wind, there's rain and there's waves because we're kind of walking along the shoreline. But, yeah, kind of. I have had another stormy day like this on the Pennine Way, but then it was very, very windy, but it wasn't raining.

So I think this is the first day when we've had high winds and rain. I think the rain's just kind of eased off in that very second. But, yeah, it's a very short walk anyway. It's. How long is it? 14 kilometers.

So we're going to be there by lunchtime, actually. Look, the rain seems to have eased off. Oh, and there goes a grouse, flying across the grassland. Do you know what?

It's always beautiful, whatever the weather. The grass is this lovely blonde color again. Ah, so gorgeous.

And the heather is this lovely kind of pale pink it goes when the, when the blooms dry. And there's huge clumps of seaweed.

It's low tide and there's huge clumps of seaweed kind of sitting on the beach there, which no doubt are of high nutritious value. If we had time to go and forage, which we don't, or the inclination, or anywhere to cook or dry it, none of those things apply. So we're just walking.

And now that we're off the bridge. It's fantastic. The bridge was horrible. This is gorgeous.

As I'm walking through the rain and the wind, it strikes me that even on the toughest days, there's so much beauty around us.

And yet, when I'm taking in these little moments, I keep thinking of the hidden challenges that so many people face, especially those living with dementia and those who support them. Connection seems to be the key.

Whether it's a connection with ourselves, with the world around us or with our community, it's about finding those places and those people who lift us up and keep us moving forward. One person who truly understands the power of these connections is Wendy Simmons from Connecting Communities.

Wendy runs community hubs designed to keep people with dementia socially active, respected and connected.

I loved hearing her thoughts on how these spaces offer not just support, but genuine friendship, making all the difference when facing life's challenges.

Wendy Simmons: 00:21:46

I always say the hubs are for everybody. It's to keep everybody young at heart. We support people with dementia mainly early diagnosis. You know, further on we don't have the facilities for, you know, late on dementia, but we keep people socially active, which is really, really important and very underestimated. It gives people a structure in their day and it gives people support.

They want to feel listened to, valued, understood, you know, that somebody will take on board what they are seeing and do not write them off.

Harriet Thomas: 00:22:29

We kind of make this division like. there's people and then there's people with dementia. And it's like, but we're all people. And what works for us, what is

important for us pre dementia is exactly the same post dementia, it's just that ou need to work in a slightly different way. A different language.

Wendy Simmons: 00:22:48

A different language.

Harriet Thomas: 00:22:49

We need to learn a different language.

Wendy Simmons: 00:22:50

We need to learn a different body language is really important. Smiles are really important. Some people dependent might look in a smile as, like a growl, whatever, you know, don't shout because they, or don't, you know, speak loud, that they might think they've been shouted. It's...

Everybody is different and it's. I used to think, oh, I'm fine with people with dementia.

I get on great, I get on well, until there's a sudden change and you do not know how to handle it. And we were taught from the beginning when we worked for Dementia Friendly, Connecting communities.

Never see aggression, always say stress and distress.

Harriet Thomas: 00:23:33

That puts it in a whole different context, doesn't it, when you think, oh, if someone's stressed. So how do I deal with this?

I need to find some way to calm them down, to create an environment where they feel safe. This is another theme that I've just keep on coming back or keep on being brought back to, speaking to people.

Like you, working with in hubs and

so forth, is that the emotions don't get dementia. And I remember with my mum. I'm sure you remember with your mum. You know, you can still smile and hugs and looking at flowers or...

Wendy Simmons: 00:24:10

There's so many memories, memories. There was a chap that used to come to the hub, very intelligent, and I think he was some sort of engineer.

And he was the first gentleman, I think one first person that I really worked with, with dementia. He used to make my day because we were children together. He made me laugh. Oh, and some of the ladies just say, you're very loud.

I have to be, you know, because we were having fun and he smiled and we joked. We were like children again, you know, so isn't it nice to be. And his wife used to say he never speak like that before. He never speak like that before.

I thought, he's great. It's great, you know, but he was so intelligent and I used to get him to read out poetry. He used to read out poetry beautifully.

And he used to keep the scores of the darts for me. You know, you count up the scores, the darts. We used to make little cheeky poems together. And I mean, it goes. It always goes both ways.

And I always said my work was just fantastic because every time he turned up, I knew I'd have fun with him. You know, he made me laugh and danced, things like that. A lady with dementia taught me. She was like, don't, don't look down, don't look down.

And I always used to say, she taught me that. She was a dancer in her day. She taught me to dance. Isn't that quite a nice saying, Learn how to dance?

You know, dementia, people with dementia might teach you how to dance, but it doesn't have to be literally dancing. It can be a metaphor.

Harriet Thomas: 00:25:54

Exactly.

Peter Berry: 00:25:54

You know,

Harriet Thomas: 00:25:58

So what role do your initiatives like. The village hubs play in providing services and providing support? And in this community, which is quite scattered geographically?

Wendy Simmons: 00:26:14

Well, we do fill in the gaps.

We can give people respite as well, you know, and one of the hubs, there's a gentleman that comes with his wife, but we create a lot of stimulation for that gentlemen. We can sign posts, we can, you know, find other organisations where they can get help, things like that.

Harriet Thomas: 00:26:37

And maybe that's very useful for his wife as well, to sort of see what you do with him, you know, so.. Because that's one of the problems, isn't it? How does someone who is not a

professional carer, you know, who hasn't got any training in dementia, now their partner has dementia and suddenly that's a steep learning curve that you would never...

Wendy Simmons: 00:26:56

I know so. And people are frightened of dementia because if I didn't have my job, I would not have known how to be with my mum.

I would have been terrified, I wouldn't have. But as it was, I just did my bit, you know, tried to work with what kept her stimulated. And that's what we do at the Hub now.

A lot of our games are fun games, say Family Fortunes, you might think a"hhh" so I adapt all these games, but they all keep them up and about. We do falls prevention exercises, you know, chair based exercises. Otago.

A lot of our ladies come because they want to keep their balance and things like that. If you can't go for a walk, we'll go for a walk sitting on a chair. Things like that. So we keep people at the Hub mentally and physically fit.

That's our job.

So if you're coming and you're socially active and you're eating a good diet and we're there, we do some intergenerational stuff with the nursery and things. But my friend, she's 64, 65, she comes, she lost her parents and she had nothing to do. She helps me again.

The hub gives people a purpose and a structure and they are listened to, supported by their peers. I mean, we're one big family now. There's one lady comes to her hub, she celebrated her birthday with us.

She said, I don't have family, you're my family. And that's what we're looked on. I know it sounds corny or whatever, you know, cheesy, but that's what we aim for, you know, and that's what I want.

Harriet Thomas: 00:28:39

It sounds like you're all in it together.

Wendy Simmons: 00:28:41

We're in it together, regardless.

Harriet Thomas: 00:28:43

Talking to Wendy about the hubs and how they bring people together just emphasises how essential it is to have access to reliable support, whether it's a place you can go or something you can reach from home. This kind of connection is exactly what Dementia Help magazine has been offering carers, providing information, advice and a sense of community.

Christina Collison, who created Dementia Help, knows firsthand what it's like to care for someone with dementia. For her, it was her mum. Here, she shares her journey that led her to create a digital resource so that no carer has to feel alone.

Christina Collison: 00:29:26

dementia, she passed away in: 2016

And shortly after she passed away, I had a couple of friends who contacted me through Facebook, who had parents that they suspected had dementia. And they messaged me through Facebook messenger for advice, asking, what do you think I should do? Do you think it's dementia? I'm not really sure how to get any help and support. What. What worked for you? What did you do?

So I found myself, particularly as a writer and journalist, just this inclination that you have as a journalist to share information and share much information as possible. I was sending friends very lengthy messages through Facebook messenger, really long messages, probably more than they needed to be fair.

And then eventually I thought, well, actually, why don't I just set up a Facebook page called Dementia Help, and the information can reach other people that might be affected. Because when you are a dementia carer for somebody, you tend to be.

You can be isolated, you don't get to go out, or if you make arrangements to go out, quite often things can happen at the last minute and you do become a bit of a hermit, unfortunately. So it occurred to me there could be a lot of other people out there that I knew on Facebook that might have been in a similar situation.

So I set the page up in early: 2017

And I decided to launch the magazine last year because people kept talking about there not being anything out there in a magazine format for carers, and it is unashamedly for carers rather than people living with dementia.

Because the idea behind it being that if you're caring for someone with dementia, the more you know about it, the more you understand about how it affects people, and the more you know about the help and support that's available out there, the better placed you are to provide the best possible care.

I used to describe it as you're, you're dealing with the present.

So you wake up on a given day and you've got to deal with the challenges you face as a carer on that particular day.

But you're also worried about the future and how you can ensure that the person you're caring for gets the right support in the future as their condition progresses, and how you go about helping them achieve that.

And there's also the emotional distress, and it is distress, unfortunately, of seeing the person okay more in the mid and later stages of dementia, but seeing the person that you've known for many, many years change and become different and you lose a part of them. And there's glimpses of the old person in there that you knew before, but they're not really themselves anymore.

So you're dealing with all of those three things all at the same time. And I think that's the biggest challenge.

I always remember this, and I write about this quite a lot, when we were in the GP surgery and the GP was reviewing the CT scan and he confirmed the diagnosis to myself and to Mum. The two of us were in there and he turned around and he said to me, don't leave it too long. Start planning for the future. Don't let her live alone for too long.

But that was. And he gave me a leaflet and that was the extent of the support. So very little support.

have changed because this was: 2009

Age UK, they were fantastic because they told me about attendance allowance, which I applied for a mum's behalf and she got, and that paid for some of the cost of a cleaner and things like Meals On Wheels. They were very good, actually. They were very helpful, but other than that, just very little support.

And geographically, it was difficult because Mum lived in Essex and I lived in Surrey. There was an hour between us and I worked full time as a magazine editor in Chiswick, so I was quite a way from her.

So it was trying to provide the care that she needed. And obviously, when it got to the stage where that care, her care needs increased. A lot of carers face this, you know that the person needs more support than you can provide, but when you try to get that extra help and support, the person doesn't always want to accept it. And I think I would be the same, to be honest.

If you've been independent all of your life and somebody tells you that you need support, you don't want to know. Why would you? You know, you'd like to think that you can do it all on your own, so I understand why that can happen.

But Mum needed the support and didn't want to accept it. And in the end, I just. My advice to people is to just proceed quite cautiously and gently, gently.

So it was a case of, Mum, just let Claire come in just for an hour and have a cup of tea with her and have a chat and see what you think. And if you get on, then maybe she'll pop in and see you next week. And I kind of sold it in on a gradual basis.

But getting people to accept that support can be a challenge.

There is advice and support out there. I know that dementia can seem like a very lonely journey and there were many times when I felt isolated, but there are good people out there.

One of the things that I often say on the Facebook page is to take care of yourself, take a little bit of time out for yourself to maintain your own health. And sometimes people react so that in a sense of, you've got to be kidding me, how am I supposed to be able to do that?

And I do completely understand that. But I'm not talking about going to the gym for two or three hours a day.

I'm talking about 10 minute walk around the block, a breath of fresh air, just a little bit of time away just to clear your head. And that's absolutely essential that you do that and just know that there is help and support out there.

And also I did just want to say that support can come from unlikely places and places where you don't expect.

For example, my mum's neighbors were amazing.

She lived in a little village and so some of her neighbors who she didn't even know particularly well and I didn't know particularly well came forward and said, we'd like to help, we're happy to help, get some shopping or just pop in and see your mum for a cup of tea. And that was, I was really touched by that. And there are really good people out there that may, may just surprise you in a good way.

Harriet Thomas: 00:35:41

Christina really brings home the importance of support for carers through Dementia Help. She's created a lifeline for those who, like her, have cared for someone with dementia and know how isolating that can feel.

Christina reminds us that everyone needs a hand sometimes. We're all social creatures, after all, and connecting to others can make all the difference.

This idea of support, of knowing someone is there to lean on, is something Dr. Lizzie Goad also emphasizes.

Lizzie is a clinical psychologist and works with carers to help them create plans that build resilience and joy, even in the smallest ways. And she talks about the importance of breaking things down, of celebrating the little victories that help us keep going one step at a time.

Dr. Lizzie Goad: 00:36:37

What we know is family members and carers often don't take as quite as good care for themselves because they're so busy looking after their person that they're not necessarily able, they don't have the time, they don't have the resource or the energy to really think about them, especially in the thick of it, you know, when things are feeling a little bit more tricky.

It's really important and it is easier said than done, of course, but it's really important to make sure there are moments, however small, they might feel that you can experience your own joy and trying to break up your day or week into those manageable chunks and making sure that within there, there are sections where you can have some relaxation or where you feel like you've achieved something. Sometimes connect with somebody that you love. It might be five minute segments that you kind of slice into your day where you can.

But people often think, well, it's not worth it, you know, for small, for small amounts of time.

But it really is in terms of helping people to stay resilient and to feel that they can keep going and, you know, not just keep, but actually look after themselves and feel like they've also got a good quality of life. And I think the social connection part of that is really important because we are social creatures and we need other people in our lives. We all do.

So being able to connect to people, ask for help, or it might just be you need someone to distract you for a while. As we said, just being okay with not being okay sometimes and knowing, giving yourself permission to feel what you feel and there is no right way to feel when you're supporting somebody with dementia.

So just giving yourself permission to have those feelings and to acknowledge them and, you know, look after yourself while you're having them as well.

So I think taking it step by step and just trying to work on 1% at a time.

So whether that's just one more mile or okay, let's just do one more little bit of this plan or one more activity or one... Let's try one more different strategy for seeing if we can support the person with this particular distress or whatever it happens to be.

So celebrating those really small victories rather than waiting to achieve something really big, you know, so celebrate each mile rather than the entire thing is really important.

Harriet Thomas: 00:38:39

We're just on a cliff edge. Well, not a cliff edge anyway. We heard these sounds. I thought it was a whale, but it's actually, oh, There must be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. I don't know. There's got to be 20 seals down there. There are too far away. We can't take photos of them. They look like little slugs they're that far away. I'm just going to keep the sound on for a little bit because it's really nice.

We're walking along this path and the path is covered in the roots of the heather, so it kind of makes this nice crunchy noise. So I will keep the sound on for a little bit. Nice little. Relax.

Well, those seals are certainly social creatures and so am I.

mile D Tour. Let me call it a: 1200

And I'm just outside my lovely B&B and I'm just waiting for my friend Fons because he was staying at a different B&B and we're walking together. So I actually changed my dates on this walk because I had a day off.

I was going to have a day off tomorrow, but Fons was not going to have a day off tomorrow, which meant we would have been out of sync. And the thing is, the later parts of this walk are reputedly very challenging with very, very steep cliffs. And I do not have a head for heights, crumbling cliff tops and not much of a path.

And so I changed my dates because although, you know, I love a challenge, but if I can face a challenge with someone next to me, then that is all the more better. So I've changed my date so that I can walk with Fons all the way up to John O'Groats. And he kindly said that that would be okay.

So it's really, really great that we've got this challenge together. And, yeah, I definitely feel more confident knowing that he's there and that we can make decisions together.

And he's extremely calm, which is a good foil to my slight effervescence, which sometimes can be absolute panic. I'm feeling so much more happy and confident about this section of the walk now that I'm walking with somebody.

So we're just walking along the coast. We've got the coast on our right. So when I started this journey in Cornwall, the coast was on my left. So now the coast is on my right. And it's a beautiful day. It's very still.

It was raining in the night, but now it stopped. This is the sound of walking on the very, very well. I think it's a load of stones have been dumped here as a sea defense.

And the tide is too high to walk on the beach. So we're walking on all these stones which makes this lovely sound.

I am so thankful to have met Fons and to be completing this challenge together. Having his calm energy beside me is exactly the support I need to face what lies ahead.

As Dementia Adventure likes to say, with the right support Anything is possible. But before I choose my favorite tracks for this week, I wanted to play another message I received from Deb Bunt and Peter Berry.

Deb and Peter are a remarkable team. Peter, who lives with young onset dementia, and his friend Deb have been inspiring others through their journey of friendship and resilience.

They've tackled so many challenges together, proving time and time again how powerful friendship can be in the face of adversity.

Peter Berry: 00:43:37

Hello, this is Peter Berry here.

Theresa Berry: 00:43:39

Hello, Harriet, it's Theresa Berry.

Deb Bunt: 00:43:42

And hello, Harriet, it's Deb Bunt.

Peter Berry: 00:43:45

Well, Harriet, we just wanted to record a very short message on your amazing achievements so far, walking the length of the country. You know what? You really rock, girl. And raising money for Dementia Adventure and raising awareness. Keep going. You are doing such a fantastic job. Well done you girl!

Theresa Berry: 00:44:04

You're doing great

Deb Bunt: 00:44:06

and. I hope you've got good walking shoes on. Well done.

Harriet Thomas: 00:44:09

I am very lucky to have this support network around me now. On with my playlist songs for this week. Each week I pick some music that connects me with my journey.

And this week I've chosen Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. This perfectly expresses how I feel. So often when I'm walking along, I feel like I'm on fire in a good way.

I just feel so alive, so inspired, so grateful for what I'm doing, for. Every lucky circumstance that means that I

can make this journey. I really feel like I'm on fire. So, yeah, love this song, love Alicia Keys. And as I say, it perfectly expresses how I feel when I'm walking.

The second song that I've chosen for this week's playlist is a song I absolutely love by Jimmy Cliff. You can get it if you really want. It's just such a beautiful song.

It's just I especially like the lyric, you gotta try, try, try, try, try, you'll succeed at last. And I just love that. It's just like, keep going, keep trying, you'll get there. I just love the message in this song and I think Jimmy Cliff is great.

I love the reggae beat, the whole thing about it. I just love this song.

You can find my playlist on the D Tour website dtour.uk that's d t o u r.uk and also on Music for Dementia radio at www.m4dradio.com.

So definitely part of the adventure of doing this walk has been the stories.

You know, my story, the stories that others tell me, the stories I've created with people as we travel together, you know, the stories that kind of weave this walk into my history. Into other people's history and into, you know, how it gets the history of, in this case, Scotland is becoming, weaving into it.

It's such a rich way to travel, to walk, to explore on foot. Yeah. I just, I can't recommend it enough. I really think it's the best way to travel. It's slow, right.

And I know not everyone has the time that I'm lucky enough to have.

But even, you know, I found, even walking in Chai as we call it in Chichester, you know, I would, you know, even if I was walking to, you know, if I was going to Lidl, I said I don't have a car. So I'd look at the map and. Think, oh, is there any interesting ways

to get to Lidl that aren't just straight along the main road? And it's amazing what funny little cul de sacs and roads and houses you see.

And you know, there's so much even in, I found, even in my local town that I hadn't discovered but that I can discover on foot. So you don't have to spend three months walking from Land's End to John O'Groats.

It can just be half an hour in your own local place, you know, getting the map out or just following your nose. If you see a road you don't know, just walk down it, see what's there. You never know what you might discover.

Next week is the big one. After all these miles, challenges and incredible moments, I'll finally be reaching John O'Groats. I can hardly believe it.

It's been such a journey, filled with highs and lows. But knowing that the finish line is just around the corner brings a mix of excitement and a lot of reflection.

Join me for the final steps as we wrap up the D Tour, celebrating not just the end of this walk, but everything and everyone who has made it so memorable.

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The D Tour podcast is proudly sponsored by Macs Adventure.

Macs Adventure specialise in self guided walking and cycling holidays for independent active people who don't want to be part of the crowd or restricted by set dates and schedules. They encourage you to go at your own pace whilst they support you with all of the routes and logistics for a worry free adventure.