If you have difficulty receiving from others, this will impede your giving. If you have difficulty giving, then this affects your receiving. So if you want to build wealth, then you need to both understand and use the Law of Fair Exchange.

In this episode Dr Demartini reveals the law of fair exchange, how it impacts your life and your perceived self-worth. You’ll discover how your self-worth determines your self-wealth, what you allow yourself to be, do, and have in life, and how it's directly related to your giving and receiving.

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When we give a service and we get a reward and they're perfectly balanced,

we're most authentic, most fulfilled, and I think that's the name of the game.

[Inaudible].

Well, good morning. Good afternoon. And good evening again.

Welcome to our weekly webinar each week.

We have some topic that I,

I developed a bit and share.

Try to help you empower each of the areas of your life.

I always say that the, any are of your life,

you don't empower somebody else is going to overpower. So,

today's topic is on making money

and building some wealth through the law of sustainable fair exchange.

And that's a very significant principle that applies and will apply in almost

every area in relationship dynamic and transaction you have in your life.

So you might want to take some notes and get some paper and pencil or something,

or get your iPhone out to type or whatever you going to use to get notes.

Now,

each of you most likely have had a moment in your life

where you did a service and somebody agreed to

pay a certain amount for that service,

and you felt that you delivered that

service in a fair and you

delivered what you said you were going to do, and then they short changed you,

or they didn't want to pay, or they were late on paying.

And any time that you do a quality service and they pay

less than what you expected,

and you agreed in a fair transaction,

you tend to get a bit resentful. You tend to get

a resistance to want to continue to do business with them and or

demanding. You tend to get into a narcissistic mode and you start demanding,

'Hey, I did this, you owe me this.'

And so you tend to go towards a narcissistic side, and you attempt to,

you know, get a bit pushy to get your pay which is out of fair exchange.

Now, on the other hand,

you've probably also had a situation where you've done a service and the

customer felt that what they paid for wasn't,

it didn't quite live up to what was expected. And you weren't sure,

you thought you had done some service, but at the same time,

they felt it didn't match it. And so they did not,

now they're getting narcissistic and getting assertive. And they said,

'I want more than that.' Or 'I want part of my money back' or something.

And they're not likely to want to continue to business and there's a part of you

that's feeling that's a little unfair, unless you felt a bit shamed,

if you felt shame,

then you went out of your way to make sure you did extra service to get them a

fair exchange.

So anytime you feel you did less than what was expected in the transaction to be

fair, you tend to get altruistic to try to compensate for it.

Anytime you feel that 'no,

I delivered my service and you didn't pay up to what yours is',

you tend to get narcissistic.

So any time there's not a complete smooth transaction of,

here's what I offered, here's what I delivered,

and you got exactly what it is and you paid the exact right amount,

and you're both are satisfied. Whenever there's not a sustainable fair exchange,

you tend to create emotions.

And those emotions erode the sustainability of the business,

which is ultimately the source of income,

because probably a portion of the income that you're making is extracted and put

into investments and asset building. And so your wealth is being affected.

So anytime you are trying to get something for nothing, in their eyes,

or trying to give something for nothing in your eyes,

you have a non-sustainability because if you feel that you're having to

sacrifice for others over a period of time, eventually you go,

'this isn't working for me' and you then move towards narcissistic side.

And if you go too narcissistic side,

you get humbled and you've moved towards the altruistic side.

So all transactions are striving towards

sustainable fair exchange. I want you to really get that,

that all the feedback in your business or in any

exchange, any relationship, that is dealing with an exchange,

so even if it's not a product and money,

it could be just my contribution to a relationship and your contribution

relationship.

Both individuals are keeping an inventory of what's been given and what's taken

and they have a built-in thermostat you might say for fair exchange.

And so each relationship is attempting to find that.

Whether it be business and financial or just personal relationships. Now

we have a fair exchange, you might say,

thermostat. And we know when we're in fair exchange.

And the way we know it is there's fair exchange and both parties are grateful

and there's a complete, clear of consciousness.

You don't feel that they owe you, you don't feel you owe them,

and neither one of you have either of those feelings.

So there's no narcissistic side where you feel 'you owe me something' or no

altruistic side, 'darn it. I owe you something.' It's just done. It's complete.

The transaction is complete. Payment is due when services are rendered,

as they say, and if you pay in advance, you get a discount, if you pay later,

there's an extra price. Whatever it is that will maintain a fair exchange.

Now this is where you know I'm going to do something on values because I don't

ever do a talk without values, but this is where values come in.

So this is where you may want to take some notes.

When a human being is living is aligned and congruent as

possible with their highest value, the thing that's most meaningful, important,

and priority to their life.

The thing that they think is their telos or their mission,

and they feel congruent with that,

and they're living by priority and they're delegating lower priority things,

they have the most objectivity,

the most understanding of their two sides of life.

See if we exaggerate ourselves and go into puff ourselves up with pride,

we tend to go narcissistic. When we beat ourselves up and go into shame,

we tend to go altruistic. As I said, in a previous presentation,

that's a high and low self-esteem, instead of true self-worth.

The true self-worth is not an inflated or deflated, it's you in the center.

When you're living by priority,

you have the highest probability of being objective, neutral,

not puffing yourself up or down and not exaggerating or minimizing yourself

or what you're contributing to the transaction. See,

you think you're contributing more than what's there.

And when you beat yourself up, you feel you owe something. Again,

altruism is compensation for shame and guilt to the past,

because you feel like you've shortchanged.

And narcissism is a compensation of pride,

and self righteous to the past because you felt you got shortchanged.

But the second you have objectivity and you live by your highest values and

you're most resilient, adaptable, and neutral in the objective state,

you have the opportunity to obtain a thermostat that's steady,

and is accurate.

But the moment you're not filling your day with high priority actions,

the moment you're doing low priority distractions,

the moment you're in unfulfillment,

the moment you're going in towards your amygdala and not living in your

executive function and going down in your amygdala,

you tend to distort with subjective bias,

how much you've contributed, or how little you've contributed.

And you distort that.

And now you confuse the individual you're in transaction because you

exaggerate what you've done or minimize what you've done.

And then the transaction, they may have done something completely different.

They may have the same thing.

If two people are both not living in their highest values,

the probability of having sustainable fair exchange goes down.

And if two people are having the priority in their life and living by priority

and feeling really empowered,

they have a higher probability of having a grateful transaction,

a sustainable transaction, which leads to the source of moneymaking,

if you're in business or, you know, sustainable fair exchange.

When we're in our amygdala, we get addicted to consumption,

fantasy, infatuations, sugar, and pride.

We tend to think that we are, we exaggerate what we've done, our addiction.

Why? Because the amygdala wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure, avoid predator,

seek prey, avoid challenge, seek ease.

So it tends to want to avoid it's concentration on its

and go into pride. It tends to want to look at only its positive side.

So when we go into pride,

we tend to skew the fair exchange mechanism and we

more than we really do.

And we get a little bit belligerent in the way we interact with people as a

result of it, because we expect them to live more in our values.

Anytime we go above equilibrium,

we tend to project our values on others and expect them to live in our values,

which is futile eventually, and any time we go below equilibrium,

we tend to sacrifice our values for other people's values and try and live in

their values and we give in to them. We've all done it.

Think about the time you've been really infatuated with somebody,

and you started doing things that was important to them at the expense of some

things that were important to you.

And eventually that altruism wore off and you said, 'well, darn it,

I want my life back. I've done all this for you.

And I've sacrificed for you.' And eventually that doesn't work.

That's why minimizing yourself to somebody doesn't work.

And if you exaggerate yourself,

nobody wants to be around somebody that's narcissistically exaggerating

themselves all the time and feel it's unfair exchange.

They don't want to do business with them anymore.

So anytime you're in your amygdala,

and you're distorting your reality by subjective biases of interpretation of

the transaction, fair exchange,

you lessen the sustainability of the transactions and you decrease the

probably of profit and having therefore wealth building and making money.

Not just making money,

but actually making money where you can actually have it working for you.

Cause if you're working your whole life and just paying your bills,

you're a slave to money, but I'm talking about actually taking a portion,

having a little extra and saving it aside and starting investing it so money's

working for you. If you're not doing that,

you're going to spend your whole life doing it. And then later on,

when you're less likely are able to work,

then you're going to have a decrescendo in your lifestyle.

That's why sustainable fair exchange is so important along the way,

as far as a strategy to build wealth.

And if you're building wealth its because you have figured out how to sustain

that. If not,

you won't do it because nobody's going to continue to do business with you,

if it's not fair to them.

So let me reiterate that because it may not be perfectly clear.

Whenever you're living in your highest values and you're waking up your

executive center and you're in objectivity, which means neutral,

you have the highest probability of fair exchange.

The highest probability of not skewing and distorting what you've contributed

to the transaction.

If you have two people that are both living in their highest values,

you have the highest probability of a grateful transaction.

that's fairly exchanged and complete.

There's no IOU or you owe me or I need to owe you something back or this kind of

thing. But the moment you're not living by priority,

and this is why I'm saying that living and filling your day with the highest

priority actions increases the probability of building wealth.

It increases your self worth. It increases your contribution.

It increases your energy level, increases your enthusiasm, your inspiration.

When you're inspired and you can't wait to go to work,

people can't wait to get your service. When you're enthused,

people can't wait to be engaged in it. When you're more certain,

you're more likely to know what you're asking for and making a fair exchange.

When you're inspired by it and when you're present with people,

people want to pay, they pay for presence. If you're not really,

if you go to a store of any form and do a transaction with somebody,

and they're not really present with it, it's like,

you don't really feel like that's been served.

So service and presence go together.

And when you're living in your highest values and you're doing something that's

inspiring to you, and you're doing transactions and remunerate you there,

you have the highest probability of being objective, neutral, resilient,

adaptable, realistic in your assessment of what you've exchanged,

and people will believe that because of the certainty.

And that's a very powerful. Now if they're doing it and you're doing it,

you both have fair exchange.

You have gratitude and you have a long-term relationship,

which is sustainable and you build momentum by accumulating transactions,

the people that do transactions with you. But let's say that you are objective,

but they're not. And they feel that they deserve more.

And then you're sitting there going no,

and you then come back and you will come and explain the logic of what happening

and calm that down. And whoever has the most certainty, always rules that.

But you'll calm it back and down and explain why you've done what you've done

and everything else and calm them down and get them back in fair exchange.

But if both are there in priority and both are objective,

you don't have to deal with that. But if one's not,

the one that is most certain is the ones that are communicating most

effectively, the other one goes into defense.

One of the signs that you're exaggerating or minimizing is you go into a defense

mechanism, and that automatically escalates into emotion,

which becomes more dramatized, which makes more unfair exchange.

And then you hand that over to lawyers.

Lawyers are the by-product of subjective biases, and I'm not doing,

I'm picking on lawyers for a second, not so much lawyers, but the legal system.

Cause that's basically people that don't feel they've had fair exchange end up

going there to try to get fair exchange.

But usually the amount that they got out of fair exchange ends up in the

lawyer's hands, as you know.

So it's probably to your advantage to get to priority.

If you get to priority and you make sure that you deliver what you feel is

certain to be a quality service for what they paid for,

you have the greatest sustainable exchange and the highest

probability of making money and keeping some money in your pocket.

And it's very simple.

And I think all of us have had both sides of the equation.

I don't know of anybody that I've consulted with or

ask those questions that haven't had the exchange on both sides,

unless they're really young and new in the business world.

So prioritize what you're every single day, make sure that you're,

when you're offering a service, make sure you're meeting people's needs. See,

sometimes people with sales will try to sell for immediate gratification to try

to make the close, make a sale,

at the expense of a long-term satisfaction of the client.

That's a narcissistic side. And that is rhetorical persuasion,

trying to manipulate an individual on the value of something,

but doesn't really have the value.

And then people that are vulnerable to that and want other people to make

decisions for them,

particularly people that are not living in their highest values,

they like to brain offload decisions to other people and authorities,

then you can take advantage of that,

but eventually that backfires on your brand in the long run,

because if they don't get sustainable outcome from the purchase that they have,

they eventually tell people and the numbers of people that they tell,

stop that business. And then it humbles you to get back in fair exchange.

So you can either let the world govern you. I always say,

if you don't listen to your physiology and your intuition,

which is what you do when you're living by highest priorities,

then what happens is you have your sociology or your collective psychology,

eventually have to hone you in and get you back into authenticity.

Because if you're cocky,

you're going to get eventually people are going to cut you down with business,

are going to start telling people, 'Hey, this guy doesn't do fair exchange.'

So in the process of doing,

you automatically are going to be brought back into the center.

But the leaders of the people who can regulate themselves,

they can listen to their intuition, listen to that little small voice,

you might say, that's intuitively guiding them. Now,

the small voice gets weaker and weaker and weaker and weaker when you go into

the amygdala, and when you get down to really, really belligerent,

emotional states, 'man, I did this and you deserve to pay me',

and everything else and you get highly emotional about it,

your intuition is not able to be heard.

So my advice is to stick to highest priority things. Now,

let's go into look at the transactions,

the highest priority service that is based on the highest priority,

most meaningful thing you love doing, that's the thing to sell.

The thing you have the most certain about.

The thing that you are absolutely certain you can contribute to.

I ask people when I consult with people,

what is the service that you are absolutely certain

you guarantee a result? And they'll stop and think about that.

I said because that's the thing you will sell most effectively.

That's the thing that you believe in and have certainty in and you know you can

offer a value in.

But anytime you jump out of something and sell something that's not really

certain and sell something you're not really believing in,

you run into the volatility processes because you're either having to hype it

up. And that's the term, hype. Hype means hyper or hypo,

exaggeration, or minimization of the result,

the actual transaction. So we're not here to do hype.

Hype is a feedback system and offers a feedback system to humble you.

You get hype and you exaggerate something,

people are gonna eventually humble you. If you minimize yourself,

you're eventually going to get resistant to that

and you're going to stand up and say, 'no, I'm worth more than that'.

Nature is constantly trying to sustain fair exchange.

It's trying to get you in authenticity where you're not puffing yourself or

minimizing yourself, and it's trying to create a sustainable, fair exchange.

And money, making money,

is a feedback mechanism to let you know that you're being authentic,

because really all that is trying to do is get you authentic.

And when you actually get authentic and you're really present,

and you're inspired, and you're enthused, Peter Lynch,

he wrote a book called 'One Up On Wall Street' in the 1990s, and he said,

after I do my technical analysis and quantitative analysis on stock

on companies to buy, cause he was you know, a stock picker, he said,

then I go, once I've selected,

I go actually and fly over to where the company headquarters is and actually go

and meet the people in the company and I'm looking for four things;

I'm looking for people are grateful for their job, loving what they're doing,

inspired by the vision of the company and enthusiastically working.

If I see those four things, I know there's people that are doing fair exchange,

and I know that that's a sustainable company. And I know if I buy in that,

that they will make a profit and they'll invest and I'll invest and we'll make a

win. And he says that I can do that for my clients.

I can make them money because I'm buying quality companies.

That's exactly what Buffett's describing when he's calling value companies,

people that offer value in fair exchange that are sustainable.

So if we live by priority, become authentic,

cause your highest value is what your identity revolves around.

My highest value is teaching. My identity revolves around teacher.

Second highest value is researching. I'm a researcher and teacher.

That's who I am. So whenever you're being who you are,

that's where you have the highest probability of being

you feel certain about that creates a fair exchange to make the income.

And anything less than that, don't,

I was sitting in Atlanta many years ago with Brian Tracy,

we just had lunch with Brian, I did,

afterwards we walked into a class,

we walked into five or six minutes after it started and the gentleman was

talking about mega trends. That was the big thing at the time, in the late 80s,

mega trends.

And what was interesting is we sat in the very back cause we got in late and

we listened to him and we both looked at each other and he goes,

'That's not true. That's not accurate.

These people if they follow this advice they're going to mess up their business.

And I said, 'I agree. He said, 'What are you thinking? I said, 'Well,

I wouldn't want to do that.

That's not what I would recommend.' Not chasing the fads and trends going

around, be true to what you're selling.

Make sure you're really authentic about what you're selling and become great at

what you do and stick to what you're doing. Build momentum around it.

So he got up right in the middle of the talk,

walked down the aisle to the front of the room and grabbed the microphone from

the guy and cut him off. I thought that was amazing.

I thought that was great. And he got up and he says,

'I was talking to my colleague in the back, Dr. Demartini and we were talking,

we were listening to this and we said, well,

this isn't really what I would recommend you do.

So I'm going to interfere with this talk because,

and I know that I'm jeopardizing my professional image by doing this,

but I don't want you,

you're my clients too and I want to make sure that you're delivering quality

service and you're not going to do it jumping from one fad to the next,

whatever happens to be the new fad for the next six months.

No one will ever believe that you're an expert in what your field is.' And the

guy turned around and he said, 'Well, that's interesting.

Boy,

that must've been a feedback to me because I was asked to do this mega trend

presentation from or whatever and couldn't be here,

so I'm doing the trend and that's not really what I do,

but I'm doing it and I think that's probably coming across as an inauthentic

expression.' And then Brian, by what he did actually saved the whole room,

the guy got humbled, he got clear about what it is. He told the truth.

Brian told the truth. I stood up and shared about my feedback on it.

And we actually made a difference in that group,

because people were going off and trying to go and all of a sudden jump onto

this new thing. If you jump into something, that's not really,

truly what you would love doing, that's not inspiring, that does not engaged in,

that's not really highest in priority,

and you're not really objective and you're not really certain and you're not

present in what you're doing, you're not going to end up making the money,

you're not end up going to be the fair exchange.

Because you're going to have to hype up something you're trying to convince

yourself. I always say, when you're hyping it up,

you're trying to convince yourself as much as them.

And you pay a price in the long run as far as brand and quality branding.

So I think I've said this. If

we get clear about what's truly priority to us and what we really value

and get and stick to the core competence of what we really want to sell and we

really want to make as a fair exchange,

when you're in a relationship with somebody in any form or fashion,

you want to be loved for who you are and they want to be loved for who they are.

And both of you who you are when you're living by priority,

and you feel most resilient and adaptable and most able to embrace both sides of

life. You're not exaggerating, you're not minimizing.

They're not exaggerating and not minimizing.

If two people are exaggerating with pride, you're going to have a clash.

Two people minimizing with shame, they're also going to have a clash,

because no one can make a decision to do it.

They're all brain offloading and sacrificing and feeling

walk away from the transaction.

Be honest with yourself about who and what you are and what you're offering and

make a fair exchange out of it. You'll build your business,

you'll make more money, you'll have more profit, your self-worth will go up,

you'll build a brand and you'll have sustainability.

And people will tell people and tell people,

and it will have a ripple effect and a chain reaction where everybody wins in

the process. So that's the, sometimes they used to call it the win-win.

But what that means is caring enough about your customer to find out what their

highest value is, because that's where they're going to be most objective,

and caring enough where you're in most inspired, where your highest value is,

and try to get two people engaged in a fair exchange transaction.

That is the highest probability that makes you the money that you'd like to

make, the service, the brand and the fulfillment. Because when we, you know,

there's nothing more fulfilling, in my opinion, in my life,

than doing something that makes a difference in people's lives,

blowing their minds about what it would just did for them.

They're in a state of gratitude, sometimes a tear. And they've said, thank you.

And I feel like I can't wait to get up in the morning and continue to do that.

You know what I'm talking about. When we do something that means something,

we have sensory nerves and we have motor nerves, sensory nerves are for rewards,

motor nerves are for service.

When we give a service and we get a reward and they're perfectly balanced,

we're most authentic, most fulfilled. And I think that's the name of the game.

So I just wanted to share with you that principle this morning,

because I think it's sort of intuitively self-evident,

but sometimes overlooked.

And that's why if we get in our amygdala and not fulfill our day with high

priority actions,

we're vulnerable to undermining the very thing that makes fulfillment life.

So fill your day.

If you don't fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you,

it fills up with low priority distractions that don't.

And those distractions are all the narcissistic and altruistic banterings and

noise in the brain that occurs because you don't have fair exchange.

So if for some reason you would like to expand your awareness and

potential and allow yourself to see a bigger vision of what's possible

for transaction, every week I give a little gift out and this gift

is Awakening Your Astronomical Vision.

And reason I'm saying that is because if you have an astronomical vision,

you can make a global effect.

And today with technology and the internet and all the different social mediums,

we have access now to global business. So having sustainable global business.

And by the way, I've seen this. If you look carefully,

you're not always a profit in your own house,

but the farther in space and time people come from the more you tend to be a

profit. So that way, if you don't have an astronomical vision,

don't expect some of the greatest clients The hardest client to work with is

yourself. The second hardest client to work with is your spouse.

The third one is your family. The fourth one is your extended family.

The fifth one is your friends and acquaintances next.

But the farther in space and time they come,

the more it is to have the transactions,

because people are not so accustomed to you.

Familiarity tends to breed contempt and narcissistic behaviors and throws this

and skews the transactions. So this little gift right here,

Awakening Your Astronomical Vision will give you permission to go and expand

your vision, to have the greatest clients, to have the greatest fair exchange,

to make the greatest income. And I look forward to seeing you next week.

Each week, we have something to just kind of stimulate your appetite.

And if for some reason you haven't gone on to our podcast,

please take the time to go onto our podcast and get these constant educational

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please pass the torch and let them know that we do these.

And because it might just make a difference in their life.

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