The girls kick off this week's episode with an exciting announcement about the launch of a new book club, inviting listeners to join in on all the books that keep getting talked about. Next, they dive into the often ridiculous language found in romance novels, particularly smut, critiquing cringe-worthy terms and phrases that leave them shaking their heads. In true ALBB fashion is a cringeworthy tiktok trend that is a must see. And of course, a solid Reddit story shared by Kelsie where a man grapples with his wife's increasingly creepy behavior. Trust us, you just need to hear it.

Join the book club with us here!

fable.co/club/a-little-bit-bothered-with-a-little-bit-bothered-podcast-357537513907?club_type=free

Hi everybody!

Hello?

Hey-o!

I think we're a little bit bothered. That's my favorite part and I'll never get over it. Is it just, anyways. Hi guys, I'm Kelsey.

a little bit bothered.

Great dive. Uh-uh, save. I agree.

Ha ha!

I'm Monica.

Welcome back, I'm Ashley.

Hello, hello, I'm Nicole. We forgot to do that last week.

You forgot to say, wait, did we forget to introduce ourselves entirely last week?

You

We started to. Yeah, we started to.

We started to. We did it just like after.

Yeah, last week we just, we did it, but it wasn't like, yeah, we were like, whoops. Hi guys.

We did it, but after a while.

It was like,

We gave them a little bit time to guess, see if they could remember us.

Yeah. Keep it interesting.

Yeah, you got to keep people guessing.

That's really funny.

I wonder if they can tell... yeah. I wonder if our listeners can tell who says what on the intro.

Yeah, we were all in this, like, holiday lag.

We are. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I bet they can. Wait, stop. Is that mug from the dollar store?

yeah.

Yeah

You know what? I don't know. But I saw- okay so these were a gift from somebody and it came in a set. But the other day I was at the Dollar Tree and I saw my mugs and I was like,

Where'd you get that mug?

I bought them! I bought those mugs at the Dollar Tree! We bought one for us and then I bought some for gifts also.

It's awesome. I honestly love these mugs. Yeah, no, they actually did come in like a box of four. So I don't know where they came from originally, but I saw the ones at the Dollar Tree and we've lost a few of these. I'm like, I should just replace them. Cause like, I'll just grab a couple more cause they're literally right there at the dollar store. But that's really funny. I should. That's so funny. Actually, the Dollar Tree has some really

Okay, so they weren't from the Dollar Tree.

Yeah.

Tag them in. Yeah, for sure. The Dollar Tree has good mugs, actually, if anyone needs a mug. They're good.

just gems. I got this really great lip balm from the Dollar Tree. It's like a dupe for the Laneige. It comes in a little pot. Bro, I was like, you're lying. It's not a it's not a yeah, I was like, you're you're lying. This is not a dupe for Laneige. I say Laneige because I took French and I think I'm better than anyone. Sorry.

Mm-hmm.

cute.

Is that how you say that brand's name?

I Leneige, I don't know.

What's Laneige?

lineage.

What's Leneige? I don't even know what you're saying.

It's a brand of makeup and skincare. I think it's just skincare, but they have these little lip pots, whatever they're called, lip balm things. There you go, lip masks. And it's extra hydrating, but they're like a bajillion dollars.

They're lip masks. They're called like, I don't know.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, something like that.

I've never in your defense, I don't know that I've ever heard it pronounced Lanish.

I think that, well, I think everybody avoids pronouncing the brand to be perfectly honest.

How have you heard it pronounced? Cause they don't know. Wait, this reminds me, this reminds me of something funny.

Yeah, I agree. I don't know.

Well, I'm better than everyone. I know how it's pronounced. No, I'm just kidding. Thanks. Thank you.

You

You did great, Nicole. I'm not doubting you. I just don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah

Well, supposedly it's a dupe. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it might be, because it's actually really good. I've never used the actual name brand one, Led Nage, but I really like it. And it was a dollar and frickin' 25 cents, so I've just been slathering my lips in it, because it's cold out, and it's great. So no complaints on the Dollar Tree. What did that remind you of that was funny?

Mm-hmm.

Can't beat it. Yeah. I don't know. I was watching Reels or something and it was this guy and he was like, yeah, my skin's been really dry. So I've been using this and it was like a lotion or something. I don't know. But it was the La Roche Posay or whatever, you know, also that's like hard to pronounce. Yeah, whatever. And he's like, he picks it up, but he calls it, he calls it the Roach Pussy.

you

yeah, La Roche-Posay.

I think I saw that.

I've seen the roach pussy guy and I died.

It was so funny.

He wouldn't be the first.

Every time I see, every time I see that brand, it reminds me of Blended, whenever Adam Sandler is looking for pads and tampons for his daughter, and he's like, poise, poise, that's a little too close.

And he's like, wait, that's not right.

That's funny.

It kills me every time.

God. Literally. Well.

I can't just keep it simple, you know?

That's funny.

I honestly think it should have been named Poise. That makes more sense.

You can call it that. Rename it. Rename it in your head. Done.

I do.

It's poise.

That's not even a question, that's what I do already.

It's more fun that way.

more

adds a little spice. I don't know, we're off topic.

Get on this.

it anywhere like this is

get here? Okay, we were never on topic to begin with.

Did we?

I'm just...

It's true. It's true. What are we bothered by this week?

okay, let's do that. Sorry.

Pfft.

Jenny Cathy's not done. She's not done with the topic.

talking no I've done with the topic I was gonna say I was gonna say before we actually get into our actual topics I wanted to say for our listeners if you missed it we did create a book club we're on fable so if you download fable you can find our book club we posted it on our Instagram the other day but you know it was in stories so I don't know if you saw her if you didn't we'll put it in the show notes yeah yeah we'll put it everywhere

we're done.

We did!

yay! Yes.

We need to put that in our link tree. We'll put it in our link tree.

Yeah, well, we'll put it in the link tree and we can also add it to the show notes this week as well. And you guys can all find us and join and stay up to date on what we're reading.

yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And right now, we're doing fourth wing right now, but we're not going to talk about fourth wing because if we do, and I will spiral and we'll be here for too long. And Kelsey and Ashley.

We're not gonna talk about it. We're not gonna talk about

They're out of control. Yeah.

They say we're doing fourth wing right now, but I want you to know that we have finished fourth wing. We're just rehashing this over and over and over again.

We've been done with fourth wing.

Yeah, but like, you know what? It's just so much more entertaining than Twilight and Little Renegade. Like, I just, I needed to take a-

Well, absolutely. 100%.

Relaxatox.

Well, if you had read that as a teenager like you were supposed to, we wouldn't be in this situation, Monica, but you had to be too cool for school, and so this is where we're at. So.

Yeah, Monica. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. If you're looking for somebody to blame, you better blame yourself.

Right, that's true.

was too cool. Yeah, I know, I know. Which by the way, like we're in December, this Twilight crap started in August. But I can only do so much at a time, so it's been like one book and then read like three others and then I go back to Twilight and I'm like, okay fine. And at this point I just have to finish it.

literally.

It's all your fault.

That's true, it did.

I feel like if you had just read through them and not did any side courses, you would have probably enjoyed it more if you hadn't been taking thousand breaks in between. I think so. You'd be more invested. I'm not saying it's not our fault, but still.

I couldn't, I couldn't, we were going on to Mistborn.

No,

That was our fault. That was our fault, guys. That was our fault. We were like, we're reading this.

I would not have, I would not have.

the facts.

I feel like the writing style just changes from book to book and it's like almost worse in the sense as far as like how you feel about Bella. Like I just can't stand her.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know. She's horrible.

You- because she was meant to be related to as a teenager, not as an adult.

Yeah, old beller.

Yeah. Old beller.

Old beller.

This is the skin of a sinner, Baylor.

You'll just never know what it was like to read Twilight as a teenager and just be like sucked into that world. It deserved... It deserved your teenage brain, Monica!

Pfft.

No, I get that. I do get that. But like, OK, you guys have me reading freaking Akatarr with Cassie and Anesta followed up by Eclipse.

you

We're going from hardcore boning to don't touch me because I'll break you.

Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, that's not good. That's not good.

Yeah.

It's true. It's true. my goodness.

You

I mean, if Edward wasn't afraid to manhandle Bella like Cassian isn't afraid to manhandle Nesta, it might have been a better story. But again, it's also YA and not adult. So.

Right. Okay, actually this, you know what, this takes us right into one of our conversations we've had this week though of like what we're bothered by is the language in this book.

Mmm... Mm-hmm... Mmm-hmm...

The smut terminology 101. Here we go. Let's do it.

The smut terminology. Okay, but you know what? Like when we originally had that conversation, everything we talked about is nowhere near those screenshots of the other books that we saw.

my god, it's just so dumb sometimes.

Okay, yes. Yes, some of the some of these smut books begin absolutely wild. I'm not in the same Facebook group that you guys are in. Is that where they came from? The screenshots of books or they just from reels or like whatever. And it's like, what is happening here?

Yes.

Did somebody have them? Pull them up.

Hold on.

You

Yeah, no, it's from that fantasy, it's like a fantasy romance Facebook group or whatever, and somebody posted the screenshot of a page that was just like the most ridiculous description I've ever seen in my entire life.

Yeah.

Belunking in her cavern.

yeah, I forgot about that, yeah. Wait, we should have read it. Someone should have find it.

I mean, those are just outrageous though. Even when they're not being outrageous, sometimes it's like, are you getting, like, when they say like, my hot core, I'm like, nobody would call it that. Nobody's like, nobody says that. No one, not a person, never.

It's true.

Nobody says that.

Okay, okay, I can't.

Have you seen the girl where she would like read phrases of the book and be like they blew like hot air out of like my cheeks or whatever she sits there she's like

I-

And she like tries to mimic it. It's so freaking funny. Or like he smiled with his whole like with his whole mouth or with like all of his teeth and she like she's sitting there she's like It's so freaking funny.

No!

No, I haven't.

She's like trying to do it.

so unnecessary or the reels of husbands, wives having their husbands read, or husbands being like reading, trying to say the things that my wife's book boyfriend says or whatever, but they're just so ridiculous.

Yeah.

So cringy. my god, so funny.

What would a book sound like if it was written with like real words that people would use? Because I'm trying to imagine like dirty talk and then like...

Okay, so that's the problem. That's the problem. I'm always like, what other word are they gonna use? Like, in Akitar they use the word sex. Like, it's weird.

Yeah.

I I feel like they hardly ever say like, I mean, mean, guard your fucking ear holes, but like, they hardly ever say like, he fucked me in my pussy. they're like, he put his member in my hot core. Like, nobody says that. Nobody says that. I mean, it's more realistic.

I don't say that, no. Yeah, yeah. Hard pass on that.

I don't know. I was listening to...

Yeah. Yeah. I tried to...

That's true. And I feel like that's more of female characters than it male characters, because I'm listening to Variation by Rebecca Yaros, and the male character straight up says dick all the time. He's like, my dick this, my dick that. And I'm like, OK, well, you got no problem talking about your dick, but it doesn't go the other direction. Maybe. Could just be Rebecca. Rebecca!

I don't know.

I think that's a Rebecca Yarros kind of thing though. I think that that's like her style. Rebecca! Yeah, think some of that is just simply her style is like she keeps it very conversational and much more realistic in a lot of ways, but not always.

I think so. Yeah. Then sometimes I have to remind myself like I was just going to say about Akatart. We just talk at the same time all the time. I was going to say during Akatart, I had to keep reminding myself that they're not actually people, like they're not supposed to be humans. So it was like, like they would say male instead of man. And I'm like, like.

I know at guitar they're like, what?

you

Yeah, that they're fey. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah.

At the end of it, my eyes started to twitch because I'm like, okay, we get it. You're not people.

yeah, mail.

Yeah, it was subtle though. That's kind of what I was going to say too. They're like subtle things like the male thing. And then also when she would always say like he feasted on her, I don't know what about that. Like that just gives me the ick. All I can think about is like fancy feast, like cat food or I just can't. I can't. I hate that so much.

You

Yeah.

I hated that. I hated that. Yeah.

you

You know that didn't bother me until you just said that, you asshole. no, that's all I'm gonna think about. You suck.

Not a c-

Well now you can think about cat food every time.

You bitch!

But he is eating a cat, I mean, it's kind of, you know what? It all tracks. It's all coming together.

That just that just came to me right now

The just says the most fucking ridiculous unhinged shit I've ever heard ever.

That should have been part of your suspect challenge. Suspect says the most unhinged shit at any moment in time when you're never expecting it. Excuse me.

Gosh.

You're just waiting for her to crack open.

Well.

God, here we go.

You know?

my gosh. Zayden. Ashley is our Zayden.

I have to tell you guys.

Okay, while we're also on... Listen, listen, while we're on the subject and I... What? Why do you keep talking at the same time as me? You're kind of... Today it's us. Yeah. Okay, what were you gonna say?

Yeah, it's true. I wanted to tell you guys. sorry, go. I don't know why this keeps happening. It's usually me and Monica, and now it's me and you. I don't know, just go. I don't even know now.

You

Okay, I was going to say I tried to read that other book that I told you someone on Instagram recommended that they said that was like the best book ever. I tried to read it. And one of the things she kept saying was that her breasts pebbled or her nipples pebbled. I hated that also. I hate that or their their. Yeah, I don't like it.

you

I've heard that one before. Yeah.

I hate any way they describe their their nipples perking.

Yeah.

Agreed.

pebbled? Excuse me? Like, like, did like goosebumps? Like, what is that? I've never heard that.

Yeah, I've heard that one before.

Hebeled.

have a good one.

and their nipples got hard like pebbles.

I, yeah, turned, they pebbled. Yeah. It's gross, it's weird. is it? Yeah, don't love that.

That's a question.

Like pebble, no, that's stupid. I'm sorry. Find a different word. I don't like that. That's dumb. Pebbled? No, it's not. No, it isn't. I don't remember pebbled. I remember her saying, my breast felt heavy. That I remember. I don't remember pebbled.

It's an, it's an at guitar too. huh. huh.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You

Yeah, that's true. My gosh. This episode's gonna get censored so hard.

The descriptors are just too out of control, yeah.

yeah, sorry. We should have had a disclaimer at the beginning of this one. I just wanted to share, I did remember, I wanted to share with you guys the descriptor that I found on that one Facebook group. I had said it in the chat, I was like, I found a term for a penis that I did not like and made me very uncomfortable. But I didn't tell you guys, because I wanted to tell you guys here. And I wish I would have found out what the name of the book was. But they described a penis as...

man root.

Excuse me? bitch. Man root. His man root.

Wait, as what? You just cut out for me. What?

Ew. That's weird. Why? Why?

Nope. Nope. Don't like that.

I was sick! I was sick!

You can't see me unless you're watching YouTube, but I'm furiously shaking my head.

I was like, is he a tree? What book is this? Is it a tree? Is it a plant? Man root. What does that mean?

No.

Nope.

These authors are out of control.

The thing is though, like I have no desire to be an author like this, so I can't even give suggestions. I'm just gonna continue to critique.

Yes, we listen, yes we listen and we judge, that's it. The opposite, yeah the opposite of the trend.

Well, that's what we're here for. We're here to judge.

And we're judging.

We listen and we do judge.

You know that book.

Yeah.

That book that I started to write, I teetered back and forth on whether to any smut in that. And that's one of the reasons why I don't know if I can do any smut is because I don't want to use language.

You

my god, I forgot.

to describe anything of the sort.

Nope. It's difficult.

Yeah, you gotta get real creative.

Yeah.

Weird. weird. I'm, yeah. Yep. Spelunking in the cave just really kills me. Like, excuse, yeah, the cavern and the cavern, not even the cave.

Some people get too creative apparently. They take it too far.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

100%. Caverns, in the cavern.

Spelunking. And that's just like, that's just like a small little bit from that one too. Like the descriptions just got worse. It got so much worse.

Ugh. Ugh. There was more. It kept getting worse. I don't remember what it was. It was like all adventure based. Just yeah, weird. Were waterfalls referenced? I think waterfalls were referenced. Yeah.

I don't remember.

Choose your own adventure.

Probably something like that. I don't know it was it was uncomfortable But like it was one of those things where you're like this can't be real this cannot really be their serious writing style and apparently it is

Jogger, cheese, and waterpuff

You

There's a lot of weird people in the world, you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I suppose there is.

something for everybody.

Okay, can't. Back to our book club really quick. We're doing fourth wink, fourth wink, no, fourth wink if you want to do it with us. Just know that we've already read, we've already read and I've already obsessed over this and I'm to the point where I'm about to start taking notes. So if you want to join us in our current obsession, please do. But also, I don't know how we could tie this into the book club. I don't know how we do it.

Fourth wink.

Yes.

for the book club, I really wanna do the ABC reading challenge. It's where you read a book for every letter of the alphabet. So I'll probably be sharing that on my personal page if you wanna join me in that too. I don't know about you guys, but.

We probably won't start any for real like book club stuff until the beginning of the year, but.

And even that, like even if you don't wanna, yes. And even if you don't feel like you wanna read alongside us, still come and find us and join us, because you'll be able to see all of the book recommendations that we've been talking about and just join. Yeah.

Yeah. Only reason why we're doing fourth wing is cause on next storm.

We could just get the book list. Yeah.

And you can still talk in the book club chatter place about whatever you're reading. You don't have to be reading what we were reading.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Fable's pretty cool. I've been like, yeah, and I'm mad at you for it.

I did start throne of glass.

But come hang out with us. that's right.

That's very controversial. I woke up to so many messages this morning. So I didn't get any more TikTok comments after yesterday, but I put it on my story as well. I asked for the listeners. I asked for the Throne of Glass series. Should you start with Assassin's Blade or Throne of Glass? Because it's a very controversial topic, apparently. And I wanted to know. Technically, the book starts with Throne of Glass.

I didn't check your TikTok. I didn't check it again. Okay.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

But everyone on TikTok except for like one person said, Assassin's Blade. Most of the people on Instagram stories said Assassin's Blade other than like two people. One of my friends, yes, one of them was Ashley. One of my friends messaged me and was like, you will regret it if you don't start with Assassin's Blade and gave me all these reasons. And then another one of my friends Snapchatted me and she was like,

One of which was Ashley.

my goodness.

Kelsey, if you start with Assassin's Blade, I will come for you. Like you have to start with Throne of Glass, that's the way it was intended. Everyone feels very passionately about their side. I wish I hadn't asked, honestly.

you

Mm-hmm.

Seriously.

Yeah, wait, to be clear in case they don't know, Throne of Glass came was written first, but Assassin's Blade, which was actually written like third or fourth is a prequel to Throne. Yeah. So it's like, if you're to read it in chronological, you'll start with Assassin's Blade. But if you want to read it by release, then you start with Throne of Glass, which I asked one person and they told me Throne of Glass. And so that's what I started with. Also, that just made sense in my head.

Mm-hmm.

It's like a novella. Yeah.

huh.

So you ran with it.

I asked the whole internet.

That made sense in my head because I'm like, well, that's how the author wrote them. So that's how I'm going to read them. And I could switch to Assassin's Blade, but like, I'm already here.

Yeah

Every anybody that says that they started with thrown of glass. That's their reason. They say it's because that's the way the author wrote it. And everybody else that says they started with Assassin's Blade has like a thousand reasons why they're like, I didn't want to go back in time when I was like in the story, you know, like I was in. And then they said that, like, it also just like gives you an insight into the world before. don't know. I don't know. I very feel like I feel like.

Yeah.

Mm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Which that I totally understand.

interesting.

Every time someone messages me, I'm like, my God, feel like you guys are really depending on. Yeah, you're really you all seem very like. I can't even think of the word, like if I don't read it the way you want me to, I feel like I'm going to get eaten alive. Yeah, so.

You're like, never mind, I'm gonna read none. I'm not gonna read it.

Hahaha!

Die hard.

Passionate. You're gonna be in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna be in trouble. Well, maybe half of us should read it one way, the other half should read it the other way, then people won't get mad at us. I already started throwing up glass, so. For science. Yeah, for science, for sure.

You're gonna let people down.

You're gonna get jumped.

That's what I was thinking. We should just half and half for science.

Thanks.

Mm-hmm, for science. I'm good with for science. I already was leaning towards Assassin's Blade, Yeah, that's how I was gonna do it too.

Yeah. I'm doing, I'm probably going to do Assassin's Blade first, to be honest, just because that was the majority vote. So that's what I was going to do. Sorry, Alicia. She's going to come for me.

It's like... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Now that means, Monica, have to start with Throne of Glass.

She doesn't want to look.

Why? Why don't you want to? It's like the Star Wars, like if you ask the Star Wars people, like what, which movie should you watch first?

Ha!

She doesn't want to go back in time. It really hurts her.

you

It is, it's very much like the Star Wars.

Yeah

I just know for me, like if I'm into something and then I have to catapult back in time to learn more, like that's gonna piss me off if I'm like in it and then I'm like, no, I need more and then I have to go back and learn about it. And it's like, I go back and learn about it, but fuck it, I don't want to.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but here's the thing is.

Although technically don't you have to go back either way? Because...

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't even know what the story is about, to be honest. I... Yeah.

I really don't know either. I have no idea what this is about, to be honest.

Me either.

I don't know either.

Me either. None. Zero.

Yeah, no idea.

I had already invested like eight hours, like I said, into a discovery of witches and was like bored listening to it. And so I was worried if I started with Assassin's Blade, like it wouldn't be as exciting as starting with Throne of Glass. So that's why I wanted also to start with Throne of Glass.

Yeah.

It's very mixed bag whether people are into it or not. Most people are like, it was so good when you started this way. It was so good when you started this way. And then there's stragglers that are like, it was kind of boring, but I pushed through. I'm like, nobody has a clear thought on this at all.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-mm. I have zero, like, input. Yeah, because it was written a while ago. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So sorry. So sorry, guys.

Mm-mm. Yeah, and I've heard the writing style is very different from Akatar as well. So it's the same author, it's just very different.

Yeah.

Okay, well I think we've bored them enough with our book chatter for now.

Yeah.

Anyways.

Is anybody else bothered by anything? I'm not particularly bothered by anything this week. I don't really have anything that's like, chappin' my ass this week, so...

Can I share with you guys the very creepy trend that I found that bothers me?

No, not again. Don't hit me with the gingerbread nails again. I'm not looking up the gingerbread nails again.

No, because last time you did this, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not like the gingerbread nails. I forgot about that.

I went down an ingrown hair thing this morning, so go ahead. It was fascinating.

Ugh.

Ew.

gosh.

Well, no, I'm just, we'll have to put a picture on the screen, but I'm just gonna send you guys in the chat so that you can see it.

Disgusting. No.

I came across this and I immediately had to save it because I knew I had to show you guys. Apparently there is a crocheting trend. Let me just send this to you. You guys can pull it up. Where...

Okay, I'm disturbed already. No! I just saw it come up!

Hmm. What is that?

absolutely not.

That- that- I don't know what that is, but I have a phobia of it. Instantly I have a phobia. I don't know. That's a lot of holes. Uh-uh.

People are crocheting.

EW!

People are crocheting. They are crocheting realistic babies.

Peace!

Uggggh, bleh, bleh, bleh.

It makes me want to throw up and like I have goosebumps all at the same time.

Okay, no. I hate this.

Which it's like okay, so this video of this girl this video of this girl is is explaining how she crochets to and so she's like from one Standpoint I have to admire because I know that it takes so many hours to crochet like that And it's so detailed and so from that side of it. It's like my gosh. That's so impressive, but also it's horrifying and why are we doing this like?

my god, it's so freaky. Yuck.

Like you guys can give Nicole and I all this shit for how much time we're spending in the fourth week trying to like think of that, but we're not spending hours crocheting realistic baby.

It has toes and everything. It's a real baby.

You know, it's not the fact that it's a baby. It's the I you know those like pictures of just holes and like people have phobias of that. That is that baby. That's that baby. No.

I'm

Yeah. Yeah.

That's you. No.

Someone with that phobia would be horrified.

like

didn't think I had that phobia until I looked at that fucking baby.

I didn't either. And the thing is, when that came up in my feed, I was like, what's this girl talking about? This can't, okay, I'll take the bait. I'll watch. What is it that's bothering you? And then I was like, girl, I'm with you.

That's freaky.

Monica always takes the bait. don't, that's so uncomfortable. Like I had my phone up. I had my phone up. it's not this one person.

That is weird.

It is, it's so uncomfortable. And apparently it's a trend. Like it's not just like this one person did it. Like this is a trend apparently in the crochet world, which I'm not in. So if any of you are in the crochet world, tell us about it. But apparently that's the thing on TikTok right now.

I hate it. Don't tell us, I hate it.

Don't tell us. I would look up a TikTok of people with these little crochet babies to watch it, but I don't want these crochet babies to be popping up in my feed for the rest of my life. So I can't. You're going to have them. You've been saying way too much about crochet babies for this not to be in your feed forever.

Uh-uh.

I know. I know that's the problem. No, no.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I am- I really hope my phone's not hearing any of this. I don't want any of that. Uh-uh. On my feed. I will look at gingerbread nails every day before I will look at this baby. I don't care. Mm-mm.

Mm, mm-mm.

Maybe.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm sweating. Agree.

for real, that is so weird. No, I don't wanna look at that either. Yuck.

I know. I know.

You would choose, would you rather, you would choose gingerbread nails over this baby?

100 % I would rather I would rather see a gingerbread nail in person than ever have to look at the crochet babies No, that there's just no no

Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck no.

Yeah.

I'd rather have one of these crochet babies in my house than ever have to look up those fucking gingerbread nails again. Disgusting. No, the baby doesn't freak me out that much. It... I don't like it.

Gross. No, me too. Same, same, same. I would, I don't like it, but I would take it over the gingerbread nails every day.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's... I don't like it. No, it gives me like... I don't like it. Like, I have not stopped having chills ever since I looked at it. I don't like it.

I'm sweating. I'm like, I'm literally sweating.

It gives it gives me the heebie-jeebies. We it really gives me the heebie-jeebies. It's the eyes. It's the eyes

Alright, we gotta move on.

something is wrong with that. Like my, I'm on like a no.

It is a heebie-jeebie. The eyes are freaky.

Well, yeah.

I don't like it at all. I had my phone up.

Kelsey is not well over there.

God, it just opened up to it again. I don't like it. I'm trying to get to my Reddit story so I can block this from my memory.

I don't know what.

Delete it, delete it from the chat.

I had my phone up to look at our list of what we're gonna talk about and I saw it come through and that was like the worst experience. Literally I was like, I don't wanna see that. That was terrifying. Can we, hold on, we have to, oops.

It was kind of shocking. Yeah, it was a bit shocking.

Listeners, if you want to go look it up, I promise you I'm not tricking you into as horrifying of a find as the gingerbread nails. But.

No, people got mad at me for that.

She's lying.

Someone's always getting mad at you.

Sorry, not sorry. Because if I had to see it, you all had to see it.

Someone's always mad at me.

Are we done with what we're bothered by? Kelsey has a Reddit story, yay!

Okay. Now I, yeah.

We love Reddit.

This is not like, and this is not an am I the asshole or anything. I was just listening to stories on TikTok and I heard this like a brief synopsis of it and I was like, this is crazy. And so then I do some digging and I find like the full Reddit posts and I'm like, this is actually crazy.

We really do.

This is from Malia Girl1314 on Reddit.

I just don't know if you're supposed to cite those, but that's just me citing them. So here we go.

I was gonna say, should we be saying these people's names?

We probably should.

I don't know, Reddit's a public platform, so I think it's like kind of a mixed, you'll get mixed opinions on whether, but anyways, that's where this is from. It says, my wife has been peeking at me from around corners and behind furniture. It's God from weird to terrifying.

That's true.

Yeah.

What? That sounds like something I would do.

Yeah, that's why I, but listen, that's why I started listening to it. But by the end, I was like, what? So my wife, this is kind of a longer read, but it'll be worth it. My wife, Lynn and I have been together for six years and married for 11 months. Our entire history together has been very normal and never once have I noticed any weird behaviors or red flags. I can't stress enough how out of character this whole thing is for her.

Okay, okay, okay.

Huh.

Lynn is very kind, intelligent, and thoughtful. She's always been the no-nonsense type of person. Being childish or trying to scare me is not something she would normally do. She doesn't even like watching horror movies. When we first started dating, she agreed to watch The Shining with me because she knew how much I loved horror. She was so scared that she didn't even make it through half of the movie before we had to turn it off. She isn't into anything creepy and has never been into pranks. It's just not her cup of tea, and that's fine.

But that's what's so strange about this. It's just so unlike her. I should also add that she never had any mental health issues. And as far as I'm aware, it doesn't run in her family. I know some people are able to hide their mental health problems, but in the six years we've been together, I think I have seen some sort of sign. Two months ago, I was in the kitchen making myself some coffee before work. I was running a bit late that morning and knew I wouldn't be able to make it to Dunkin Donuts for my usual morning fix.

I took a sip of my coffee as I hurried down the hall towards the front door when I happened to notice Lynn peeking at me from around the corner ahead of me. I could only see her eyes and a strand of her long dark hair hanging against the wall. The rest of her body was concealed behind the corner. I nearly spilled my coffee when I saw her. I did burn the shit out of my lips. Geez, Lynn, I said, wiping a few drops of coffee from my pants, you scared the shit out of me.

She immediately popped out of view like a little kid that had been caught. I heard her scurry off towards the living room and by the time I got to the front door she was out of sight. It was really weird and just totally out of character for her like I said, but I also found it kind of funny that she was being more playful and a little less serious. I shouted that I loved her and called her a weirdo. As I shut the door behind me, I heard her laughing. Her behavior was a bit odd, but it certainly wasn't something to call a priest over. I forgot about it by lunch.

That's not your wife.

you

Okay.

I forgot about it by lunch. What?

That said me that just yeah, that was a big job that said me. Yes Yeah, it is absolutely Here we go. Here we go. Here we go

That's a big jump.

Is that foreshadowing? I'm scared.

Yeah

Forgot about it by lunch and by the time I got home. She was her normal self I didn't bring it up and neither did she and life went on the next incident happened three days later It was around 2 a.m. And I had woken up to get a drink I was standing at the kitchen island jug of OJ in hand when I felt a strong feeling that I was being watched For whatever reason I looked down at the floor and saw my wife smiling face staring back She was peeking at me from the other side of the island staring up at me with wide unblinking eyes and grinning

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

What?

grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I have to take a drink of water.

No!

What the fuck? Wait, she was on the floor? Was she on the floor? I'm confused. Was she on the floor?

Thank

The Cheshire Cat.

Yeah, like I think she was like from behind the island on the floor. Yeah.

She was like crouched down behind the island like eee.

Eww.

I screamed. I screamed, I'll admit it, not out of irritation but fear. For some reason at that moment I was scared. Yeah.

You know, I don't like this.

I would have kicked her. I would have kicked her in the head.

For some reason, for good reason he was scared.

For some reason I was scared.

Can you imagine how your wife would have to be acting for you to be legitimately terrified of her? Like, not just like, like she's peeking at you and you legitimately like have fear.

I wouldn't, I'm sorry.

Well, I think part of it too is like, what's that initial reaction like when you make eye contact, you know, like if they break or if it's just steady Cheshire cat, like, because if it's it, yeah, if it's in character.

Hmm.

If it's yeah, if they stay in character. God.

I think that's the thing with her is that she doesn't, you'll see, it's not like prank.

Yeah, like I think if she stayed in character, and that's so different from her personality, that would absolutely scare the crap out of me.

Mm-hmm.

At the sound of my scream, Lynn scuttled backwards out of my view, her hands and feet smacking the tile floor as she hurried out of the kitchen on all fours. I didn't run after her or even yell after her, I just stood there, frozen in shock, wondering what the fuck had possessed her to do that. It took me a little longer than I'd like to admit to go upstairs, but eventually I did.

I have goosebumps.

All the hair on my... I can't. The smacking of the hands and feet.

when I got to our bedroom.

Noah.

my God, Monica's losing it.

Sorry.

Okay, sorry go

Mm-hmm.

I'm so uncomfortable with this story.

When I got to our bedroom, was...

Yeah, like... All the hair is on upstanding. can't...

Uhhh...

When I got to our bedroom, Lynn was lying on her side asleep, or least pretending to be. I stood there for a while, watching her breathing to be sure she was really asleep. I had the feeling she might jump out at me the moment I got into bed, but she didn't. I climbed into bed and she didn't even move. Her breathing was soft and deep and I was starting to wonder if I'd dreamt the whole thing. The next morning, I waited for her to come down for coffee and after handing her a mug and kissing her cheek, I decided to ask her about it.

What was that about last night? asked, keeping my tone light so I didn't offend or embarrass her. She frowned over her cup of coffee, shaking her head like she had no clue what I was referring to. You were peeking at me again from over there. I said, pointing to the spot on the floor by the kitchen island. She followed my gaze and when she looked back at me, she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that I couldn't help but join her. You creep me the fuck out sometimes, you know that? I said, she giggled and set her cup on the counter and wrapped her arms around my neck.

She said you creep me out all the time. So I guess we're even So we said our goodbyes and left for work and as I drove I kept thinking about how creepy it would have It had been seeing her grinning at me from behind the island like that the sounds her hands made on the floor She crawled away. I told myself she was just trying to be silly just trying to join me in my love of all things horror It's not like I was afraid of her, but it still didn't sit right with me. I Started seeing her peeking at me more and more

Huh.

Sometimes she'd be peeking out from behind the couch or the living room curtains. Once she even managed to get inside her grandmother's old trunk that sits at the foot of our bed. I might not have even known she was there at all had the trunks old hinges not given her way. She'd had the lid propped up just enough so that only half of her face peeked through. She'd been grinning like an excited toddler. It was unnerving. I didn't even know what to say to her. All I could do was stare. When I finally found my voice, I asked her why on earth she was doing this.

you

She didn't answer, but she had just slowly closed the lid, shutting herself inside the trunk. I just walked away, feeling disturbed.

No, no, I would have locked it and fucking pushed her down the stairs. I'm sorry. No, uh-uh. She's already in the trunk get rid of her She's already in the trunk get rid of her. I can't No, uh-uh I'm not kidding when I tell you I have goosebumps on my entire body. I hate this Go Give me more give me more. I hate it so much. Give me more

Stop.

you

She's locked herself up.

God, well, buckle up.

feel so bad for this man.

I hate this, tell me more. my gosh, what is wrong with you?

Yes

No stop, no stop. Okay, keep going. Keep going.

I didn't understand why she was doing it, but it clearly made her happy. I just hope she would tired of the game quickly Lynn didn't peek at me for the next two weeks I started to think she was done with her weird prank and I was relieved we were watching a show on Netflix one night and I jokingly said that I didn't that I hadn't seen her peeking at me lately and that she must have given up on her spy game she looked up at me with a small smile and said

you

my god.

Ahem.

maybe I've just gotten better at it

no!

Ew.

I didn't say anything, but I wondered whether or not she was joking. For the next few days, I couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said. Was she still peeking at me when I wasn't looking and I just hadn't noticed? And if so, what the hell was she getting out of this? I started to feel paranoid, constantly checking whether she was watching from around the corner or behind a door. I was jumpy whenever I was home and she wasn't in full view of me. I felt stupid and a little crazy. But after a few weeks without another incident, I began to relax.

Mm.

I stopped checking behind furniture and walls and told myself it was just a bad memory. Then a few days ago, things got so much worse. Lynn left to go to a friend's I lounged on the couch and played a couple games on my laptop. Around 9pm, I hopped in the shower and as I was washing the soap from my hair, I felt that awful feeling that I was being watched. I slowly opened my eyes.

No!

No, no, no, I don't want to hear it.

Stop.

and almost had a fucking heart attack. Lynn was peeking from behind the shower curtain, her entire head stretched into the shower, leaving just her body outside. Her long dark hair hung against the curtain, the ends dripping with water, her mouth hung open in a terrible grin, eyes wide and red, and if she hadn't as if she hadn't blinked in a while. I screamed and jumped back against the wall.

my-

What?

She didn't move nor did her smile waver. Her makeup ran down her cheeks in two black streaks. She looked giddy and completely deranged. I was fucking terrified. We st-

What?

What?

No, see, I would be throwing hands. No.

Yeah, that's not okay.

Thank you.

I just, okay, this is like one of those times when like you're reading a book or you're watching a movie and you're like, why don't you just have a fucking conversation about this? Why is he not talking to her more about this and be like, look, you're creepy as shit, stop.

Yeah, yeah.

It's weird that they haven't talked about it.

Well, I mean, he did at least like kind of say a couple of times, like, what are you doing? And she was.

He tried.

Yeah, but he's like beating around the bush about it. I'm just like, it's kind of creepy. No, I have a full-on conversation of like, listen, I'm about to commit you. What is happening right now?

No. Yeah. What's wrong with you? Yeah.

I'm about to commit you. Maybe he thinks he's just like, maybe he's like gaslighting himself and like maybe this is not as creepy as I think it is.

Stop it or we're getting divorced.

she left.

I know, like, seriously is like scary movie vibes of like, just ask the question! Like, or like, it's so obvious, it's right there! Like, I don't either.

What she left?

Yeah, no. I don't like it. Is she even supposed to be there right now? Didn't she leave? Didn't she go to a friend's house? He didn't specify if she stayed at the friend's house. Did she come home? That's not Lynn. I'm sorry. I said it from the beginning. That's not your wife. Okay, go. That's all right. Tell us more.

I don't like it either.

she did.

Apparently she came home.

Yeah, she's a fucking demon. Okay, alright, okay. What happened? Yeah, what happened in the shower?

Keep going keep going

We stood like that for a few minutes. Neither of us saying a word. Finally, maybe it just felt like minutes. Maybe it was like seconds that felt like minutes, you know? Finally, after what felt like forever, she slowly pulled her head back out of the shower and I watched her blurry figure through the curtain as she moved backwards toward the bathroom door. A second later, the bathroom door slammed shut hard enough to rattle the mirror. I screamed again and jumped out of the shower to lock the door. I stayed inside the bathroom for over an hour. Maybe I overreacted to some of you.

Minutes? MINUTES?!

What? This can't be real!

man.

Holy shit. Okay.

I would've kicked her.

But joke or not, wasn't going to be put- I wasn't going to put up with that crazy shit anymore.

He's underreacting, if anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I wouldn't, yeah.

That's what I kept telling myself as I paced in the bathroom, stopping to listen at the door every few minutes. Suddenly I heard a muffled sound and I pressed my ear against the bathroom door, straining to listen. I couldn't hear anything, but I envisioned Lynn standing on the other side of the door, giggling at her joke. I felt a surge of anger. I was beyond pissed being made to feel scared in my own house and made to hide in the bathroom for an hour. All for what? Some joke?

you

If it was a joke, it was an awful one. What the fuck, Lynn? I stabbed. This shit is getting really fucking annoying. I waited for her to apologize or to call me a jerk, but instead I heard a faint moan. So quiet, I wondered if I heard it at all and then complete silence. Lynn? I called out, not able to even hide the shakiness in my voice. I got no response, just my own heavy breathing. I swear to God, just fucking stop it. I yelled and pounded on the door.

I waited for her to cuss me out, something I would expect from me talking to her like that. I have never screamed at her before. But there was nothing, just the occasional drip from the shower head. I won't deny that I was scared, too afraid to open the damn door and face my own wife. I waited another 30 minutes or so, which feels like a fucking lifetime when you're scared. Finally, I decided I wasn't going to spend the night hiding in my bathroom. So I got down on my knees and peered under the door.

I almost expected to see her face peeking back at me, but thankfully I didn't. I could see straight down the hallway to the top of the stairs, but no Lin. I didn't know if I should be happy about that or not. I looked for a few minutes, waiting to see her head pop up over the top step, but it never came. I stood up, my hand hovering over the door and mentally prepared myself to open it. I slowly turned the lock with shaky fingers and was about to yank it open when I heard a sound that still makes me feel nauseous when I think about it. A moan.

No.

Yeah, that's I was expecting.

Yeah, that's what I thought he was gonna say. my god.

Ugh.

louder than before, but this time I was able to tell just where it was coming from. I turned my head to the closet door as if in slow motion and locked eyes with my wife who was peeking out at me from the slight gap.

Mm-mm.

Her eyes were still wide as ever and her mouth was hanging open in the most grotesque gaping smile I'd ever seen. didn't even scream. I was too scared for even that. Her hands were clasped to her chest, body trembling with sheer delight as if she could barely contain her excitement. A short raspy moan bubbled up from her throat, deep and raw, sending a shiver through my entire body. Somehow I found the ability to pull the bathroom door open and ran as fast as I could all the way down the steps.

Snagging my keys and phone from the table in the living room before running outside to my car I could hear her shrill laughter behind me, but I didn't hear her getting closer. I didn't bother shutting the front door I drove for I drove away from the house faster than I legally should have shivering the entire time either from fear or the cold Maybe a little both I hadn't grabbed a coat or even a pair of shoes I was still my boxers and my hair was still damp

I drove straight to my brother Chris's house about 40 minutes away, ignoring any and every call and text I got. I didn't check my phone until I was safely parked in my brother's driveway. Lynn had called four times and sent a flurry of texts, all wondering where I'd gone and why I left like that. I threw my phone at the dash in a rage, furious at her nonchalant attitude. My brother and his wife were surprised to see me, especially dressed in just a pair of boxers, but told me to stay as long as I needed. Chris

lent me some clothes and asked me what happened. I told him Lin and I had had a fight but didn't get into the details. I didn't want him to think I was overreacting, leaving my wife over a prank, even if it was a strange one. I mean, hadn't I encouraged her for years to lighten up instead of being so serious all the time? I'd wanted her to relax and loosen up, but this was definitely not what I'd had in mind.

I tried to sleep on her sofa but my brain wouldn't let me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Lin's face staring at me from inside the closet. Knowing she'd been in there with me the entire time made my skin crawl. She never even left the fucking bathroom at all. Instead, she slipped inside the closet and slammed the bathroom door shut to fool me.

my god.

BLEUGH

BLEH

The mere thought of going back home gave me anxiety. I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Chris ended up giving me a sleeping pill, so I was able to get a little rest. My sleep was filled with terrible dreams, all of Lynn's smiling face. I woke up just as the sun started to rise. My body ached from the sofa, and I felt drained. I knew I'd have to call Lynn at some point, but I didn't know what to say to her. I wouldn't be going home unless she gave me her word she'd never do any more creepy shit. I just wanted my wife back. Her normal, serious self never looked so good to me.

I was contemplating calling her and telling her that when that familiar feeling came over me. I was being watched. I was staring at the ceiling, my heart in my throat. I didn't want to look away, but the longer I ignored the feeling, the worse it got. My eyes drifted away from the ceiling almost on their own. Her face was pressed up against the window beside the couch, staring down at me with the same gaping smile. Drool dribbled down her lips, leaving two long streaks down the glass.

No, stop, stop, stop.

What the fuck? DRAWL!

No! There's no way!

I didn't know how long she'd been there, but something told me she'd been there quite a while, possibly all night. I didn't bother screaming, though I was afraid anger trumped any fear I had felt at that moment. I jumped up from the couch and pounded my palm against the glass. Lynn, are you crazy? What the hell is wrong with you? Just go home, I shouted. Now.

There's no fucking way.

She didn't move and her ghastly expression never changed. If anything her smile only grew as if she had never been more elated. I could hear Chris and his wife moving around upstairs as if Lynn could hear them from her place outside her head twitched in their direction and she began to close her mouth slowly. Chris called my name from upstairs obviously concerned. I turned to see him and his wife Rebecca.

Hurrying down the stairs, when I turned back to the window, Lynn was gone. The only sign she'd been there at all was the two streaks of drool still dripping down the glass.

Ew.

I tried explaining to Chris and Rebecca about waking up to see Lynn watching me through the window. They were skeptical. wouldn't be? Chris and I went outside to the spot in front of the window, but there were no footprints in the dirt, just a slight indent. Animal, probably. Chris guessed, and I didn't argue. He and Rebecca assumed I dreamt the entire episode, but they didn't understand, and I was too tired to explain it to them. I called out of work that day and turned my cell phone off. I didn't want to face Lynn, just talking to her

was too much for me at that point. I really started to believe something was irreversibly wrong with her. That no matter what promises she made, we'd never be the same again. The thoughts add me to my core. I cried most of the morning. By noon, I figured I was ready to confront her, give her one last chance to explain herself. I could at least give her that after six years, I told myself. I turned my phone on and saw the dozens of texts she'd sent, all from a seemingly concerned wife.

Can we talk? I love you. Please call me. I'm really worried. Can you answer? Just come home. And more of the same, all texts telling me she loved me and she wanted me home. How worried she was, not a damn one, addressing the crazy shit she pulled, like she hadn't been acting like a character from a Stephen King book. Even her texts were different. She normally texted novels just to tell me to pick up a loaf of bread. You'd think she'd have more to say after her bizarre shenanigans. I know it probably seems childish to some of you who are

miles away from the situation, but if you saw the way Lynn had looked at me, how she scampered away on all fours like some wild animal grinning at me from inside the closet like a lunatic, then I think you'd find my reaction was warranted. I ended up staying with Chris and Rebecca for another night. I didn't wake up yesterday until afternoon and thankfully I didn't see Lynn's face watching me through the window. I don't want to pry because it's not my place, but is this something that can be mended? Rebecca asked. She made us both a sandwich for lunch. I knew she wanted to breach the subject without seeming too nosy.

Mmm. Uh-uh.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know. just she's like a different person. I said choosing my words carefully I still wasn't ready for her or Chris to know the full extent of the batshit craziness I had been dealing with People change Ben, but there's still the same woman you married. Maybe you just need to talk through your issues. Whatever's going on I'm sure it can be fixed. She said I think it's beyond that now.

you

Uh-uh.

I don't think talking would help. I just don't trust her. The word stung in my heart. I missed and loved my wife, but how could I live with someone like that? Living in constant fear didn't sound too appealing. She said, Lim loves you. She has to be absolutely crushed. And he said, I don't know about that. And she said, well, she certainly seemed like it. I've never seen her so upset. Very much unlike the Lin I know. Rebecca said,

It took a full minute for her words to really sink in and when they did, I felt dread worning its way through my skin. What do you mean? You saw her? You saw Lynn? Rebecca nodded casually as if that fact wasn't nightmare fuel. Maybe for her it wasn't. She stopped by this morning just after Chris left for work. She said, cleaning the place from the table. I didn't see her car though. Maybe she took an Uber or something. What did she say? Did she come inside?

What do you

I asked sweat starting to break out of my forehead. began looking around examining corners as though a predator lurked behind them. No, she just asked. Yeah. No, she just asked if you were awake yet. And I said that you weren't. I asked if she wanted wanted me to wake you. But she said no, just to let you sleep. That's all she didn't say anything else. And she said no, she looked awful though, like she hadn't slept in days. I think you should call her.

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Real.

I got up from the table and thanked Rebecca for lunch. I felt a little bit better at the knowledge that at least she hadn't come inside. Still, I needed to double check that the doors were locked. I sat for a while trying to figure out what to do next. I didn't want to go home, but I felt that I owed it to Lynn to help her if I could. Had a nice warning and oath to love and honor her through sickness and health. Clearly, she was very sick.

If she was sick, which I truly believe she was, I had to try to get her the help she needed, but I didn't even know where to start. I didn't want to call the police. And besides, what the hell was I going to tell them that my wife was peeking at me as she was being creepy? As bizarre as she'd been, she still hadn't committed any crime. That's what I'm saying. That's probably why I wasn't told anybody because it's like, can you imagine me being like, my wife just peeks at me?

You imagine.

Yeah.

Well, I don't think he's describing it right though, because it'd be like, she peeks at me. Like, that sounds like so childish, but no, she's being...

She's not peeking, she's like...

I actually, I actually love that description. It makes it creepier. Like, peaking? I love that description. Kudos on this guy, he's clearly a writer.

It is kind of creepy when you think about it. Yeah, in this context, it's very creepy. Yeah.

haha

Yeah.

As bizarre as she'd been, still hadn't committed any crime, not yet anyway. The police would have probably said I was overreacting, but this wasn't some prank. It felt wrong, dangerous even. Like something sinister lurked beneath her smile. I knew as her husband I was well within my rights to have her committed.

She'd obviously been able to fool Rebecca into thinking she was just a concerned wife. But what if she simply acted normal in their presence? As soon as the doctors didn't find her a danger to herself or others, they'd have no choice but to release her after 72 hours. I felt lost and overwhelmed, so I did what any husband in my position would do. I called her mother.

I didn't want to, believe me. Her mother, Marianne and I were never on the best of terms. We'd never fought or anything like that. She just wasn't a very warm person and wasn't really easy to get along with. She hardly ever smiled and when she did, only her lips would move into a thin lipped smile, leaving her eyes as blank as before. She gave off this aura that felt like she was permanently on the offensive. I'd only met her twice and both times were for such short visits. I got the impression she didn't approve of me for her daughter.

Lynn always ushered us out quickly as she didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, which I was grateful for. Being in her mother's company felt almost unbearable, like walking on glass. I was glad when we moved three states away so we didn't have to see her often. I was happy to avoid the woman, but I needed her help. I really didn't want to talk to her at all, but I had to talk to someone and someone who knew Lynn better than I did. So I grit my teeth and did what I had to. Yes, she answered. Already sounded irritated.

It's me Ben do you have a minute to talk I could hear her cluck her tongue in irritation I'm in the middle of writing some checks but if you insist I suppose I can spare a moment what is it you want to discuss it's about Lynn she's been acting strangely and I was wondering if you had any idea whether there was something I was quickly interrupted it's a bit difficult to follow your rambling what is that what is it that you want from me

I could almost see her standing there in her thin sweater and slacks, tapping her fingernails impatiently on the table. I wanted to know if you'd ever noticed any odd behavior or possibly any mental health issues. There was a long uncomfortable pause that I couldn't tell was because she was thinking or something else. After a few seconds, she said, I'm not sure if this is one of your jokes, but if so, I don't find the humor in it. Now I do have business to attend to.

But I cut her off before she could get rid of me. This is not a joke. I'm sincerely concerned about Lynn's mental health. Her behavior has been very erratic lately. I'm very worried about her and I figured as her mother you would be as well. If you're truly concerned then I suggest you get the health professionals involved. I don't know what you expect from me. Please if not for me do it for Lynn.

She her breath got shaky as if she were trying to hold her persona together and he said what's wrong and she said I don't know what to tell you my only advice would be to seek a professional help do not call here again goodbye and I tried to call her out but she hung up on me I tried to wrap my head around the call and her refusal to help me even if she didn't like me why wouldn't she want to help her own daughter I couldn't understand that after a while I almost gave up yeah

She knows.

She knows.

news.

Until I remembered her last words to me, seek professional help. She'd said those words with a bit of urgency. I could have just been grasping at straws, but now I was sure her voice had changed ever so slightly when she said that, as if they were very important. What had she meant? I assumed she'd been referring to medical professionals, but maybe she was referring to someone else, someone that she didn't for some reason feel comfortable saying directly. Or maybe I just was desperate. I waited for Chris to get home and after a very long and exhausting conversation with

him and Rebecca, I convinced them Lynn truly needed psychiatric help. I didn't tell them everything, I wasn't prepared to go into it yet, but I told them about our last encounter, how she'd hidden in the bathroom peeking at me from the closet. They were obviously shocked, but thankfully they believed me, they were just... they too just wanted to help her. Still, they didn't think it was all that serious. Weird, maybe, but not dangerous. They just kept saying that Lynn had to be playing some kind of weird joke, maybe for YouTube?

you

Kristen didn't think we should get the police involved just yet. He offered instead to go with me and I readily accepted. He reasoned that calmly talking to her, trying to coax her into going willingly was the best recourse. I agreed to do it his way. At least I wouldn't be going into that house alone. We drove over this morning just after breakfast. There was no way I was going at night. When we pulled into the driveway, my stomach began doing somersaults. Her car wasn't there, but I still didn't let my guard down.

The front door was ajar and for a split second I thought we'd see her eyes staring through the gap. I was shaking and starting to sweat. Chris however was fine. He waited for me to open the door, his hands in his pockets like he was going on a fucking stroll through the park. I envy his ignorance. I pushed the door open and was immediately hit with a stench of rot. Chris smelled it too and he walked in the house behind me with his nose scrunched up. What do you guys use to clean the floors around here? Shit.

What?

my god.

you

Shut up, I said. The house was deadly quiet and dark despite being 10 in the morning. All the curtains were closed up tight, refusing to allow any sunlight inside. If I hadn't left it just two days prior, I'd have thought the house to be abandoned. We moved through each room, carefully checking any places she might hide, occasionally calling her name. Why the fuck are you looking under the couch, he asked. Aren't we looking for your wife? He was looking at me like I was a moron. Let's just go upstairs, I whispered.

He shook his head but followed me up the stairs to check the bathroom and spare bedroom on the way up my shoes crunched over pieces of glass that looked to be lettered over a few of the steps. I noticed that one of Lenin my bedroom portraits was hung on the wall along the staircase had been smashed. The frame hung crookedly all the glass removed I stared at the picture a lump forming in my throat. We had taken the photo just after leaving the church after saying our vows.

Hehehe.

I never dreamed her face would be a source of terror for me. We climbed the rest of the stairs and checked the spare bedroom, but it looked completely untouched. I was hesitant to go into the bathroom, my fear from that night coming back to me all at once. Chris noticed and offered to go in by himself, but I couldn't let him do that. So we walked in together, checking the closet and the shower. The bathroom looked as it hadn't been touched since since the night I left. I don't think she's here, Ben. Why don't you pack some clothes and we'll try coming back tomorrow or something, Chris said.

I'm stressed.

I am too.

I am too.

I nodded and went into our bedroom and shoved some clothes in a duffel bag. When I checked inside our closet, I came across the source of the smell and gagged. Chris took one look and lost all color in his face. He had to go stand by the stairs to get away from the sight and smell. I gazed down in shock at what lay inside my bedroom closet. Soaking into the rug were at least a dozen eyeballs all carefully laid out in pairs.

Some were as large as a quarter while others were as tiny as a marble. I stared down at the eyes she'd collected from small animals and I wondered how she'd gotten them and shuddered at the thought.

Man, I thought I had it bad with Becca's shoe addiction, but fuck me, your wife's in here collecting eyeballs. I think we should go. I'm getting sick.

What?

All right, I grabbed my duffel and shut the closet door on my new nightmare. I stepped out into the hall and took a deep breath of air. I could taste the rot on my tongue and I couldn't help but gag. Who the fuck lines up eyeballs in their closet like that? And he Chris said that and he said, I tried to tell you she needed help. She doesn't need help. She needs a fucking exorcist. Are you coming? I can't stand the smell and his his words died in his throat as his eyes grew wide with fear. I didn't ask him why I could feel it.

my god.

Someone was watching me. I didn't think it was the eyes in the closet. I turned around, my eyes slowly scanning the bedroom. Christ, I whispered as I finally saw what we missed. Under the bed, curled on her side, watching us with the excitement of a kid on Christmas morning, was my wife. She held her hands together just under her chin and they were shaking eagerly. Now that she knew she'd been found, I could hear the quiet noises she was making, a sort of hiccuping sound in her throat as if excitement.

my god. No. No. No.

no.

I hate it.

was just too much for her. It was unnerving to say the least. Wide eyes and the same huge smile. Everything in me told me to run, but I forced it away. This was my wife. No matter how twisted she was still the woman I married. I had to help. Lynn, I said softly. She didn't respond, but her head bobbed back and forth in two little quick movements as if she was nodding. Baby, I just want to help you. Can you let me do that? I asked. I had taken a single step forward, approaching her like some kind of dangerous animal.

I hate it.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

I love you. said softly, taking another step closer. She let a tiny moan escape her wide open mouth and I had to resist the urge to run. Her shoulders were starting to quiver and her eyes grew as large as saucers. I crouched down so I could see her better and immediately saw the blood. Her hands were covered in it. They trembled the more the closer I got as if she were barely able to contain herself. Are you hurt? You're bleeding, I said. She bobbed her head again, her bloody fingers moving up and down as if

He's gonna get his eyes ripped out.

Mm-hmm.

playing an invisible piano. They occasionally graced her chin, leaving smears of blood on her skin. I wanted to recoil and discuss. The smell that was coming off of her was revolting. I could feel the vomit trying to climb up my throat. Her lips were dry and stretched thin, blood seeping between the cracks. I knew she wouldn't come out on her own, but I didn't want to leave her in the state she was in. I scooted closer and I reached out to her. The excited hiccuping sounds got louder and her hands shook, fingers flexing.

It was then that I could see the blood oozing from in between her fingers. my God, you're bleeding. said instinctively I reached out to take her hand, but before I could even touch her, her hand sprang out towards me. A sharp pain shot through my arm and I fell back on my ass. My arm burned and I could see the blood dripping down onto the carpet. I looked back at her in shock and saw her grinning madly, her fingers clutching a large shard of glass. You all right, Chris asked from behind me?

I turned my head slightly and nodded to him, cradling my arm to my chest. When I turned back to Lynn, I saw that her focus had shifted. She wasn't looking at me anymore and she wasn't smiling anymore either. She was staring past me, her eyes glaring at Chris the way a hungry lion might stare at an antelope. Her mouth was still hanging open, but it was twisted into a snarl. I got to my feet and began walking backwards down the hall, afraid to take my eyes off of her. Are you bleeding? Chris asked. The moment the words left his mouth, Lynn

started fast scooting out from under the bed, the glass shards still in her fist. Chris run go I yelled. He must have been too afraid to move because a second later I felt my back bump into him. He was still standing at the top of the stairs staring at my at the horror that was my wife. Lynn had crawled completely out from under the bed and stood in the bedroom doorway her face twisted in rage her whole body was visibly tense blood ran down her fingers and onto the floor.

No.

Jesus, Lynn, Chris said, you plain hind seek. I reached back and pushed him towards the stairs. Move your ass, I said quietly but firmly. Lynn bobbed her head in fast sharp motions and began to grinch, stretching her mouth open wider and wider so that her chin seemed to touch her chest. I heard Chris mutter a prayer and then he was running down the stairs. I stood at the top of the steps, stuck between the love for a woman who clearly needed serious help and self-preservation. I only want to help, I said, choking back tears.

Her eyes focused on me once again as she slowly lifted the glass, holding it out in front of her. And then she started sprinting towards me, grinning with utter excitement. Thankfully, my body took over and I flew down the stairs, skipping two or three at a time. I made it to the front door before I felt her leap onto my back, wrapping her arms around my neck, her open mouth next to my ears so that I could hear her terrible hiccuping sounds up close. I shook her off of me, knocking her to the floor. I felt a searing pain in my back as she went, but I...

Eww.

tore open the door and bolted to my car. Chris was standing in the front yard talking on the phone with the police. I didn't say a word, I just ran to the car and jumped in. Chris took the hint and followed me, still on the line with 911. I watched the rear view mirror, sure I'd see her there running after us, but I never did. I went straight to the ER and got 11 stitches in my arm and three on my back. The police asked a lot of questions and went back to the house to do a search, but of course, Lynn wasn't there.

They advised me to stay with a friend or relative for a while and to file a restraining order as soon as I could, but none of those things would matter. Somehow I just knew. I dropped Chris off at home and went to a motel an hour away. I wanted to put as much distance between me and Lynn as I could. This is where I've been for the last four hours. I thought maybe the police would find her. Maybe they'd get her the help she desperately needs, but now I don't think so because 40 minutes ago I got a text from an unknown number.

No bro!

Just three words, I found you. And a picture attached. The picture was dark and grainy, but I instantly knew what it was. There was no mistaking my wife's eye. I started typing this out immediately after. I don't know what to do. I'm alone and scared, but I can't help but feel that I'm being watched.

No.

you

What the fuck?

can't be real.

No, of course it's not, but I hate it. God, that was so good. The name of this episode is Scary Storytime with Kelsey because that's what we just experienced. That was horrible. And this guy's.

you

That was crazy.

Yeah

Seriously.

That was wild.

The way people tell it on TikTok though, they like reframe it in shorter form and it sounds like it's like this real thing. And then when you read the Reddit, you're like, this feels like somebody wrote this story, but yeah.

This is a creepy pasta, but it's a good one. I love it. Wow. However, this guy's reaction with his, he's definitely a flight, not a fight. And I just can't relate because I would be swinging. They really should, whoever wrote that needs to make it an actual movie. that, I was enthralled. I was gripping the edge of my seat the whole time. my God, that was, that was so good.

It's a good story.

I hate it so much at the same time.

They should pay this Reddit user for this to movie rights on this.

For real. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

the one he was in the bathroom in the shower and then she was in the closet that that is so creepy.

wanted to puke.

Mm-hmm.

Just under the bed like that, you fucking creeper. can't. I hate it so much. I need more, but I hate it. Like I wanna know the rest. What happens next?

Yeah.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

You

I know. I can't even pull myself together.

That was three years ago and they never posted again, so...

that was so good.

Aw, so lame. Yep, Lynn found him and ripped his eyes out. His eyes are on a shelf in the closet.

He probably died. Lin killed him.

Lin found him.

Yeah.

He was found.

UGHHHH

I hate it so much. That was a fun ride. That was a fun ride, honestly. Honestly, it was a fun ride. Right?

No, no, no, no, no.

Yep, that was terrible.

I thought we were done with the spooky stories. That was a good one though.

a little Halloween throwback.

Everyone's so quick to go to the police or like mental health. I'm like, I would be going straight to a priest. Like I listened to another story yesterday where it was like, you need a priest, like take them to a priest.

straight to the Catholic Church.

Mm-hmm.

Literally. god, so funny. That was good. But seriously, missed opportunity. She was already in the trunk. She was already in the trunk. It could have ended a long time ago. Just lock, lock the little latch and straight into the ocean.

I needed that during Halloween.

for real.

Yeah, you should have ended it then. Yeah.

He should have locked it and just prayed over it. Maybe that would have been the perfect time to like dump some holy water in there.

He should have taken it to the church, yeah.

taking it straight to the church.

that was wild. my gosh. I like, we should maybe do like Reddit story times more often, cause that was kind of fun. I like that.

It was crazy. I really didn't expect it to like take that long. It didn't look that long when it was written.

a good old Reddit story time.

Well, it was the whole first half of a movie, I think, or the first three quarters of a movie. So that was a screen right.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It really, yeah, yeah. That was, my goodness. That was wild, I love that.

real.

Yeah, it was good.

Well, that was fun. Yeah, I love story time. I really want to do that more often. Hopefully our listeners like that tell us.

well thank you for that.

Storytime was fun. Creepy as crap.

I want our listeners to send us some... Yeah, if you guys have reddits like this, you guys should send them in. If you guys see good reddits, send them to us, please.

I know.

Please, please.

Or even if you have your own stories. I know we say this all the time, but like, you don't have to, like, your name doesn't have to be included. If you have good stories of anything, you should send them.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

no, just send them. We'll keep them anonymous. You can even, it is, it is. And it can be stories about anything. Like, I don't know. Do you have stories about how your mother-in-law is horrible to you? Send it to us. Do you have stories about how, you know, like, I don't know, anything, just anything. Was the barista a dickhead to you this morning? Send it in, I wanna know. So, yeah.

Share Yes. Yeah.

It's more fun when they're fresh, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, cause now.

we would love that. We would love that.

You

Yeah.

Please tell us everything. We just want to know. We're nosy and we know everything. And of course, like, rate, review, subscribe, do all the things that will keep the show going so that we can come back every week. We love you so much.

Give us the deets.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, be part of the show.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, thank you guys for being here.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Stay bothered.

Love you, bye!

Okay, well, we'll see you guys next Thursday.

And we'll

Always wait for the kisses.