The focal point of this segment, Grief in the Wild, is the profound realization that grief often manifests unexpectedly in public settings, intruding upon the mundane aspects of daily life. In this installment, Story shares a deeply personal narrative centered around a recent airport experience, where the absence of her late husband's ashes became an overwhelming source of emotional turmoil amidst the backdrop of travel. Through this account, we explore the complexities of grieving in public spaces, as well as the often-unacknowledged struggles that accompany such moments. Erika complements the narrative by engaging in a reflective dialogue, inviting listeners to contemplate their own experiences with grief. Together, they illuminate the shared human experience of navigating loss, underscoring that grief does not adhere to a timetable and can arise at the most unexpected junctures.

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Sponsorship for The Upside to Grief

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Hello, human collective.

Welcome to the Upside to Grief.

My name is Story and I am your host.

And my name is Erica.

And I am your co host.

I am your co host.

And I am your co host.

Today we're gonna do one of our segments, one that we have only done a few times.

I think this will be the third.

They're technically ish, maybe.

Yes.

But I don't think either of us have done them.

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't think we.

Right, yeah.

So that's why it's kind of fun, right?

We haven't directly.

Either of us haven't directly done this one.

Yeah.

It's been other People's Choice segment and then they've shared their experiences and maybe we've chimed in a little bit on,

you know, like, experiences.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

But Story's going to be telling us her Grief in the Wild story.

Did I not tell a Grief in the Wild story?

Have I really not?

I can't remember.

I. I think you're right.

With just like the little snippets here and, and there.

You know, like crying in the grocery store and stuff.

Yeah.

Like, one of my favorite things to do.

But for anybody new listening, what.

What is Grief in the Wild?

Grief in the wild is when you're just trying to live your life and you're driving or you're at the grocery store and, well, bam.

Grief is like, nope, we're gonna cry, we're gonna grieve, we're gonna do it in public.

When I hear, when I hear Grief in the Wild, I think it's such a fun title for it.

Cause I just imagine like Steve Irwin narrating, like, here she goes, Story, she walks into the grocery store.

It seems that she needs to buy some gr.

Oh, no.

She's sobbing uncontrollably on the floor.

What is this Grief in the Wild?

That's like

in my head because, like, it's an apparently normal task.

Like an everyday task.

Yeah.

You're just supposed to put on your human face and do your human things and then.

Can we please make that into a TikTok?

And will you narrate it?

Narrating Grief in the Wild.

Yes.

It should actually be like in a grocery store too.

No, I'm dead ass.

Like.

Yes.

Stay tuned, stay tuned, stay tuned for

real life enactments of Grief in the Wild.

Narrated by Erica.

Narrated by Erica with a not that great Australian accent.

I think it's fabulous.

Thank you.

That part, not so much.

No.

How do I keep it consistent?

I'm not Good with that.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but that's why it's fun, because that's how you like picture it.

Just.

I can't imagine what it's like to be the person who witnesses that grief, but.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

You want to tell us a little bit about yours?

Like, where are we?

When are we?

Halloween.

Okay.

It is 6:00 clock in the morning.

7:00 clock in the morning.

It's early.

Yeah.

This is like just a few months ago.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Because guess what?

This shit still happens all the time.

It never goes away for me.

I'm not speaking in terms for everybody, but.

Okay, so I was going.

Just let it out.

I can't.

I'm like crying and laughing inside because it's just.

Yeah, it just.

Yeah, recently.

Yeah.

And it's.

It just.

I'm only laughing because of like how poignant grief in the wild is because it just random.

Boom.

Yeah, in the wild.

Just doing normal things.

It can be years.

It could be very soon after.

Like, it doesn't matter.

A timeline.

So no timeline.

Setting the stage.

Okay, so.

And here was the thing, right?

Okay, so I have a little necklace just like, I don't know, like half an inch.

And I carry Ken's ashes in there with me.

And I always take his ashes with me wherever I go.

Sometimes I sprinkle him, sometimes I don't.

But he is always.

His ashes are always physically with me.

When I leave my residence, it's normally in my jeep, which is also named after him.

Hanging in the mirror is where that necklace stays.

And then I have his ashes like on a shelf in my room.

So essentially like his ashes are always with me wherever the I am.

So I always take him out of state with me.

And the night before I went to the airport because I knew that I was gonna take a lift to the airport.

I was like, okay, I need to go and get the ashes and then have them on me because I don't want to my alarm to go off at 4:30 in the morning.

And then I'm going to forget them in the jeep.

And so I was like thinking ahead.

So I even made a video.

I made a fucking video on.

I posted on my story on social media because I was crying Because I was like, I went to go get the ashes and I was like, I love going on trips.

But literally, like, this is something that happens every single time because I have a dead husband.

And I was like, me packing my dead husband's ashes and I was like, this part sucks about going on trips.

It's not going to stop me from going on trips.

But this part sucks.

So anyways, I had got the ashes, made a whole video, did the whole fucking thing.

Woke up at 4:30 in the morning, went to the San Diego airport.

Pretty organized person.

As I'm walking up to tsa, I realized that I was not working, wearing his fucking necklace with his ashes.

And I always.

So I don't pack him.

I put him around my neck and I always like, check.

Cause like, you know, like, you gotta check your pockets and all the things before you go through the X ray machine.

And so it's always right here, you know?

And I was like.

I felt my heart sink into my stomach because I was like, fuck.

Like, I don't have.

I did not.

I'm one of the people that we go to the airport 60 to 75 minutes before our flight leaves.

I'm one of those.

There is no room for error.

I could not go home.

I couldn't go home.

And so I like, immediately feel like my nervous system froze.

Like, I kind of went into, like, shock in a sense.

And I, like, get through TSA and I, like, realize what has happened is setting in.

And I was texting my mom because my mom and my brother were at the airport in Minneapolis.

We were all meeting in Denver and they were also not having a great morning because they were trying to check in for their flight and they couldn't check in for their flight.

And so my mom and my brother go to the counter and they're like, why can't we check in for our flight?

We don't understand.

And they're like, well, that's because you bought a plane ticket from Denver to Minneapolis.

So your flight's leaving Denver to come here right now.

That's why you can't check in.

And she was like, so.

Fuck, yeah.

So they were not having a good time.

This is happening at the same time.

They're not having a good time at the airport in Minneapolis.

I'm not having a good time at the airport in San Diego.

And so they had to like, literally buy new tickets.

Oh, my God.

It was very expensive.

Yeah.

And I'm over in San Diego by myself, like, freaking the fuck out.

And I start arguing with my mom via text.

Because I had said, like, I left Ken's ashes at the house.

Like, I don't know what to do.

Like, there's all these fucking people around, you know, I was trying to keep my cool.

It was.

The airport was busy.

And then my mom had said, like.

And mom, if you watch this, I'm not mad at you.

I love you.

I'm just.

We've already talked about this.

You know this.

I'm just gonna tell it how it came through.

In my perspective.

We love Mama Jo.

She's been here.

We love mama.

She's been on here multiple times.

But yeah, just gonna tell the story how it went.

Yeah.

From my perspective.

So anyways, I'm texting and it's like a group chat with me and her and my brother.

And I'm like, you know the ashes?

And then my mom said something about she forgot her compression socks for the plane.

And in my head I was like, you can buy compression socks at the store.

Can't buy ashes at the store.

I can't buy cans.

Ashes at the store.

I'm sorry, mom, but like, my mom needs them for health reasons.

Like, literally, like, she cannot get on the plane without the compression shocks.

She could get a blood caught clot and it could be like.

So it's really not very important for her.

But like, as you're going through this crisis.

I've never left him at home before.

This is the first time that I have not been with his ashes since I got his ashes.

I've never not had them.

So this is, this is a first for me in year three.

Am I my year three?

I don't even know.

No, yeah, thirds.

No, no, no.

I'm in the third year.

Two and a half the things are happening for the third time.

That's what's, that's why I get confused.

Right?

So, so, yeah, so I freaked the out and I was like, what?

I don't even, I don't even remember exactly how it went, but I freaked out and was like, you.

I said, you.

I remember that.

And I don't normally tell my mom you in text.

In text, I said, fuck you.

Not, not like a fu.

Not like full, full fuck you.

And then before the plane took off, I of course in my head, because of how my brain works now, I was like, what if this plane crashes and I die?

And the last thing I said to my mom was, fuck you.

So of course I text her again.

I was like, okay, about to, about to take off.

Love you.

Like, see you when I get There.

And then I turn my phone off.

You're like, turn.

Turn on airplane mode or whatever.

And I guess I kind of thought that when I landed, there would be, like, a message in return.

There was not.

There was not mom.

She knows this, obviously.

And so their flight that they had to rebook was, like, four hours out.

So now they were stuck at the airport.

So once I got there, I think they were on their plane at that point or were just getting on or something like that.

And so now I was at.

I was in Denver now, but now I was going to be in Denver for a couple hours waiting for them, so I was like.

And it was under construction, like, the.

It was a mess.

So I found the Westin Hotel that's, like, connected.

It's, like, the only airport hotel that's connected to that airport.

And they had a real restaurant inside of the Westin.

So, of course, it's super fucking expensive.

And I'm like, I don't get dressed up to go to the airport.

I'm in, like, baggy sweatpants, baggy shirt, you know, like some punk rock hoodie.

Like, my hair's all like.

You know what I mean?

I'm not.

I'm not trying.

I go for comfort.

And so I'm like, all right, it.

I'm just gonna go hang out at the West End with these people.

But so I went there, and I just, like, got a table, and I set up my laptop and my stuff for the podcast, and I was like, I can do for four hours.

I have plenty of editing that I can do.

So that's what I was doing, essentially.

And I think I did actually text you.

No, I think I called you, and then you texted me, and I think you were working.

And I was like, okay.

So then I called Roseanne, and she called me back a couple minutes later.

She was, like, helping a customer at work, and she was like, I'll call you right back.

Give me a second.

She's like, are you good?

And I was like, I'm not good.

And she's like, hey, give me a second.

I'll call you right back.

And so she calls me back, and then I, like, walk to the back of the restaurant, and I started bawling.

And I'm like, I'm at the airport.

I'm in Denver.

I like, I left Ken at home.

I've never left Ken at home.

Like, I don't know what to do.

My nervous system is hijacked.

I'm freaking the out.

I'm fighting with my mom.

Like, all of the things are not going well for me right now.

And I love her so much.

She started crying on the phone with me.

It was beautiful.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Like, I think about that moment and, like, how much it sucked for my nervous system through, like, the airport and being on the plane and just, like, feeling that, like, God, you fucking idiot.

Like, why would you do that?

How did you do that?

How could you forget that?

Like, what?

You know what I mean?

And then it was like I was being mean to myself about it, too.

I will never make that mistake again.

Trust and believe that.

But I just remember when I was talking to her, like, I just felt so seen, you know, she was like.

Had started crying and she's like, is normal for you to be upset like that?

Like, you know, that's.

That's all you have left of him physically is that.

And you always have it with you.

So that little, like, safety guard that you have with you, that little piece of comfort that you have with you, like, you don't have it.

It's in San Diego and you can't get it.

Like, you're stuck there without it.

Like, I'm like, yeah, it was like she was, like, saying the things that were going on in my head.

She was saying them to me like, you know, like, I didn't even have to explain it.

Validating you?

Yes, like, reading my mind and validating my feelings at the same exact time while also crying at the same time with me.

So I was just like, yeah, so that part was nice.

I don't know if that's the right word, but, yeah, it helped.

And then, I mean, once my mom and I did have a conversation about it.

Not that day, because when that happened, I was upset at the way that my mom reacted.

Like, yes.

I was also trying to be mindful in the fact of knowing that they were having a shitty morning and a stressful morning and all of that.

But then the other part of me was like, okay, yeah, but, like, you're my mom and I'm your kid, and, like, I left my dead husband's ashes at my house.

Like, I'm trying to see it from a different point of fucking view, but this one's pretty fucking trash.

Like, why are you not understanding what is happening?

That's not okay with me right now.

Like, it was like, I just expected her to react differently.

And so we didn't talk about it that day, but I felt like the whole day that the three of us were together, it felt.

I felt weird.

I felt like, I guess Uncomfortable in the sense of.

I was thinking, like, do they fully accept me for who I am now?

Like, because this is a part of me and my life and what happens and, like, these.

This little situation that just happened all morning at the airport and all that, like, that's the reality that I live in.

And I guess I just.

I don't know, I feel like.

Because I didn't feel like my mom saw me in that moment, it made me feel guess, like, second guess.

Like, does she really see me and understand?

Which, I mean, you can't expect anybody to fully understand you.

Right?

Like, you can get close, but, like, we're all having our own separate, different human experiences, you know?

And so then the next morning when we were all getting ready, then I was like, hey, I need to talk to you about what happened yesterday because my nervous system is still not cool with what is going on and the fact that we were arguing and what happened.

And, like, I still don't feel okay about the fact that I don't have Ken with me.

Like, I'm still not cool with it.

I don't think I'm gonna be cool with it the whole fucking time.

You know, just that moment, like, it's.

Yeah, it's like, it's not lasting this

whole time until I'm back in San Diego.

So it's not just that.

Okay.

It happened at the airport.

I talked to Roseanne.

Okay, I'm better now.

Like, no, like, I literally am just here for four days without his ashes, and that's not going to change.

And I decide this is how I'm going to experience this trip.

And so I don't know, but it's kind of.

It kind of ties in to our previous chapter with, like, the concept of time and accepting, like, different realities as they shift.

And I think when I was talking with my mom that morning, we were kind of.

We were talking about that because I think that was right around the time that it was, like, being presented to me that, like, he's always with me, but my body being like, no, we're just cool with moments of knowing we don't want this.

So then I was, you know, like, when I processed it with my mom, I was, like, trying to, like, lean into that in a sense, you know, but not putting expectations on it.

But, like, I don't know.

I guess I'm just like a solution oriented person.

So I was like, let me get into the solution.

But it's like, there is no solution necessarily to this.

It's just shifting your perspective.

Yeah.

Because it has to be, because in your head, the solution would be like, I have his ashes with me.

But that is not possible.

In that moment, the solution is not possible.

Yeah.

So what do you do with the perspective?

You reframe.

You shift your perspective.

Yeah.

So that one fucking sucked.

That was not fun.

When you were in the hotel crying with Rosanna on the phone, were there other people around?

How did that feel?

I feel like that's part of the grief in the wild part.

That's why I'm asking.

Not just sadistic, like, people watching you cry.

Where are people looking at you?

Because I feel like that's a huge part.

You were like, watch me cry.

I think you said, witness me cry or something like that.

I don't even remember.

But yeah,

yeah, there was.

I walked over by where the restroom was, like, standing kind of outside where the restroom was.

And then there's like the high chairs over there type of situation.

But I was in the restaurant, like.

Well, like, there was people just down a couple tables.

Like, I know some of them heard me.

Yeah, I feel like that's the in the wild part, too, because otherwise it'd be grieving a really shitty moment in private.

But no, like, this is in a restaurant and people were around, still functioning.

And.

Yeah.

And, you know, I was.

I did.

I held it together on the plane.

I did, but it felt like shit the whole time.

Did you feel like you were going to explode?

That's how I felt.

Yeah.

I was just, like, wanting to get off of that plane.

I just needed to get somewhere, like, I guess more private, but I was still in public.

I need a more private, public space.

Yeah, that's what I was looking for at that moment.

But, like, I know when I went home for Ken's memorial, like, I was crying on the plane, alone, by myself.

Like, that was fun.

You know, I think about this when I think of grief in the wild.

It reminds me of this one time, and I couldn't tell you what I was crying about.

I have no idea.

But I remember that I had been working at this restaurant in La Jolla, California, and I had left work, but I was in my parking space, like, down the block, and I was in the driver's seat of my car and I was crying.

I don't know why I was crying.

This is probably nine and a half years ago, maybe.

Nine.

Nine and a half years ago.

And I was, like, hysterically crying.

And I don't know what the was going on, but some lady walked up to my car while this was happening.

And I had my window rolled down because I was smoking cigarettes at the time.

And my window rolled down, and she walked over to the window, and she was like, hey, sorry, I don't mean to, like, bother you, and I don't know, like, why you're so upset, but I just wanted to leave these here for you, and I hope you have a better day.

And she set flowers on my windshield and walked away.

I was like, I will always remember that.

I don't.

Like I said, I don't remember why I was crying, but I will always remember that specific moment of that lady walking up to me during that time.

I love that.

I was visiting my dad's grave one time, and I feel like it's normal to see people crying at, you know, cemeteries and grave sites and stuff, but I'm like, I'm pretty hysterically sobbing, like, blowing my nose, ugly crying.

And this lady walks by once, and she goes to another gravesite and, like, spends some time there.

And by the time she's walking back, like, I'm still crying.

And I. I don't even remember what was going on in my head because sometimes, like, my visits there are happy.

And I think I always cry, but sometimes it's a little bit more like, things are going good right now and I'm talking to my dad, but sometimes it's.

I'm not good right now, and I don't like talking to you like this, that there's so many things.

But she came back and.

And she's like, I'm so sorry.

I don't mean to bother you, but do you want a piece of gum?

And I don't.

I wasn't annoyed or anything.

I was just like, yeah, sure.

I'm like, crying snot rags and like,

you know that you.

And she just started asking me.

She was like, so who is this to you?

I was like, this is my dad.

And she, like, she stopped and she, like, kind of turned towards the grave a little bit, and she said everything out loud.

Like, his name, his rank, where he served, and his birthday and the day he died.

And she was just like.

The way she said it, though, like, it was.

There was something like honoring about it.

Like, it wasn't just, like, reading it off.

She was like, I'm going to say his name out loud.

And, like, what is right here?

And, like, what I know about, like,

intentionally reading it out loud with a purpose.

Yeah.

And it was really, really cool.

And we just started talking.

Her husband died.

That's who she was visiting.

She was visiting her husband her husband died, like, I think it was two days before that.

And she's like, they died around the same time.

And she's like, I still bring my husband flowers.

I miss him so much.

And, like, she was telling me, like, the story of, like, when he was passing, and she had a big van, and she was like, some kind of florist or, like, she picked her own flowers.

So she said, I'll be right back.

And she went to her van, and.

And she came back with flowers, like, a bouquet, and she placed them.

Like, she didn't even give them to me.

She, like, placed them on my dad's grave, like, right next to his headstone.

And I remember just saying, like, thank you, and I haven't seen her since, but there have been multiple occasions where I'll go and visit my dad's grave, and there's flowers there.

And I don't always bring flowers.

Her husband's name's Ed, But I always say hi to him now, and I, like, leave a coin on his headstone.

I feel like every time I do that.

And then I visit Reese, like, soon after that.

There's flowers at my dad's headstone.

And I know it's not like many people that live in the area, and I. I think it's herbs, because if I see flowers at his headstone, they're the same flowers that are at his headstone.

And I feel like that is just really awesome.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna cry, but I want to share one other one because another, like, beautiful.

This is just technically grief in the wild, is it not?

Yeah, I think so.

It's like a.

It's like a.

What do we call them?

Adjacent.

That.

But we have.

We would.

Offshoots, right?

Yeah.

This one is also a Roseanne tribute.

I love her so much, but we were talking, and our dads are both buried at the same place, and

she

told me that she was going to go visit her dad one day, and she's like, I'll look for your dad and see how close they are.

And he's literally right behind my dad's headstone.

Like, literally.

Literally what?

Yeah.

Shut the up.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

And it's.

It's funny because I remember she would, like, show me or not show me.

Sorry.

I would pictures on, like, when she posts, and I'd be like, that view is more than just familiar because I know where she is, but you're like, that's literally my exact.

Yeah, like, spatially and everything.

And it's Literally.

Because he's.

He's right there.

Like, literally.

I've looked at his.

Wow.

Yeah.

At his tombstone or his headstone so many times.

And the first time that she, like, realized that my dad was where he was is her.

And her mom left my dad flowers and sent me a video, and I'm in tears because I'm just like, what are the chances?

And she's done that a couple times, like, where she'll visit and she'll lay flowers down.

And I haven't seen.

I haven't visited my dad in a minute over there.

But the last time that I visited, I brought him flowers and introduced myself, because that's kind of what they did.

They walked up, and they were like.

It was much more beautiful than this.

It was basically like, hi, Mike.

Like, my name's Roseanne.

I love your daughter.

This is my mom.

Stop.

It was really awesome.

And it's all on video, too, so it's really cool.

And.

And showing those to my mom was.

Yeah, that was something, too.

Just to, like, see how my dad touches other people's lives.

Yeah, that was really cool.

I would like to see that video.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll show you afterwards.

I'm not crying.

That's so cool.

This is not where I thought grief in the wild was gonna.

We love you, Roseanne.

We love you, Roseanne.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I.

We.

Before we started recording, I'm like, yeah, let's talk about your grief in the wild story.

I don't really have one, so I'm just gonna, like, really be interested in your story, because I haven't heard all of it.

I'm gonna do some ad libs.

Psych.

Now I'm just gonna cry and think about flowers, because that was so moving that she's like, I'm gonna leave these here on your windshield and hope you have a better day.

Like, that's the perfect thing to say, too.

Like, I hope it's better.

I hope it gets better.

Yeah.

When I.

You were just saying, too.

You were like, I wonder what it's like to see other people experiencing grief in the wild.

And I'm trying to think, like, you know, like, have there been instances where that's happening?

I know I've seen other people in their cars crying where it's like, you can't really do anything because you're also in your car.

You know what I mean?

Like a stoplight or something.

Yeah.

Like, it's not like you can jump out and, like, you know.

Yeah.

I've never.

Nothing, like, comes to Mind, I feel like it probably happened, I should say

not with like death specific grief.

There was this one time at the gym where I was about to leave and this girl came like, crashing through, like, hysterically sobbing.

And part of me was like, oh, my God, get the fuck out of here.

Me, get the fuck out of here.

I need to get out of here.

I need to avoid this crying person, give her space, you know, like.

But then I like, looked at her and I'm like, she's not okay.

Like I. I should say something.

You know, there's that fear, like, oh, God.

Yeah.

There's somebody hysterically crying.

Like it's grief in the wild.

Like, this is a gym.

This isn't someplace like people cry.

So the wild aspect.

But I asked her the wild.

As

the girl comes crashing through the forest of the gym.

And yes, hysterically crying.

But I asked her what was going on and she's like, I got out of a serious relationship with my boyfriend and he just came in with another girl.

And I remember being like, you have a membership here, right?

And she's like, yeah.

I'm like, how much do you pay?

And she like, all paying the same amount, you know, so how much do you pay?

And she like tells me and she's like, kind of confused.

And I'm like, you pay to be here.

Like, you deserve to be here.

Like, go work out.

Yeah, we talked about it a little bit and because she was like, I feel like I'm not supposed to be here.

Like, that's kind of what she was saying.

Like, I feel like I'm not allowed to be here now because he's here with something else.

No, take up space.

Yeah, you pay to be in this space.

Yeah, take up space.

Like it up.

Go work out.

You got here, you were gonna work out.

So finish that.

Yeah, if you leave right now, like, you're just giving him more power.

Yeah.

And then you're still gonna feel like you're gonna.

You're gonna feel like in here and out there.

So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she like, she didn't feel like, completely better.

You could still tell she was like, really scared.

But she like, I'm like, here, clean yourself up and go back out there and like, work out.

And we talked like it was like a 30 minute conversation where I was like kind of going into it with her a little bit.

Like, what did you come here to work out today?

Like, what was your plan?

And like,

re focus, like, this is what we're doing.

Yeah.

Calm the nervous system down.

When she busted in like that.

It's not so much like fear, like, oh, somebody's crying.

It's mostly like, I know if I engage, like, I'm going to go 100%.

The people who know grief or experience grief and they see other ones, other people grieving in the wild.

You're like, don't.

No, don't, don't do it.

Don't do it.

Like, do I have time to do this?

You're like, fuck it, I got time.

Let's do it.

Okay, okay, we're gonna do it.

We're gonna do it all in.

Can't half ass.

The support, the female support during grief.

Really though?

Yeah.

So I've never had that, like, with a person who has experienced a death grief, but that one comes to mind.

Oddly enough, this doesn't have anything to do necessarily with this, but something very strange happened yesterday.

Okay.

I was walking to work and a couple of my other co workers, we all, so we, the place I work partners with a parking garage that we can all park in and get cheaper parking.

And so we had ended up all parking at the same time.

So we were all walking across the intersections at the same time together.

And there was a guy on.

And this is in downtown San Diego, there was a guy laying on the sidewalk, like, and the pole was in front of him, like, the light pole.

So it kind of had looked like he had walked into the pole and, like, knocked himself out and was like laid back on the sidewalk.

But in my head, immediately I was like.

And he looked like he was unhoused.

And my immediate thought was like, is this guy, like, overdosing?

Like, that's what I thought.

That's where my brain went immediately.

And so my two other co workers, like, we all saw him at the same time and they looked at me and they were like, oh, my God, is he okay?

And so I, me being me, I just walked over to him and so I like walked over and I kind of stood over him and he was like 65ish around there.

And I looked at him and he made eye contact with me immediately.

Like, as soon as I stepped over him, it was like immediate eye contact.

And I was like, are you okay?

And he was like, yeah, I'm fine.

And I was like, okay.

And then I just walked.

Yeah, walked back to the corner.

And then I was like, like, because there was other people on the corner that I didn't know that were then looking at me and I was like.

He said, he's fine.

So I was like telling all these strangers on the Corner that this stranger on the ground said that he was fine.

And then I looked at my co workers, and I was like.

I didn't think he was gonna look at me straight in the eye and tell me, yes, I'm fine.

Because I wanted to be like, sir, do you know where you are?

Like, you are laid out on the sidewalk of downtown San Diego.

Like, 100% confidence.

Like, I'm good.

And I was like, okay, have a good day.

And then I walked away.

But I was like.

Immediately my brain was like, oh, my God.

It's like, is he okay?

Like, is he dying?

Like, yeah, he was fine.

He was fine.

He was just hanging out there.

I was like, okay, do your thing.

Yeah, he was fine.

Oh, man.

Thank goodness.

He was fine.

Thank goodness.

He was fine.

Yeah.

I mean, I was prepared to, like, be in that situation.

I've been in that situation so many times.

So I think I immediately was like, I got this, like, you know, like, jump, Jump to it, you know?

Then he was like, I'm fine.

Okay, cool.

I don't gotta put.

Okay, cool.

Save face.

Yeah, I. I have my cpr, whatever the it is certification.

I'm CPR certified.

Yeah.

I used to carry those little breathing things.

I used to have a keychain where one side is.

So one side is for your mouth, and then there's a piece of plastic in between it, and then the other side is for the other person's mouth.

Nice.

Because I got to a point in my life where I was giving so many people cpr.

I was like, you're like, I'm kind of grossed out.

I want to gross, but I hygienic.

Yes, this is gross, But I want to help you guys.

But this is also gross.

Yeah.

I don't want to breathe into everybody's mouths on the side of the street.

That's fair.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

And what if they don't want to touch your mouth?

Exactly.

You know, gotta take that into consideration if you truly want to be compassionate.

Maybe you don't want to touch these lips either.

Okay, man.

I'm just looking out for both of us,

so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for sharing your grief in the wild story.

Of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's grief in the wild.

That is grief in the wild.

And if you guys have grief in the wild, please share, Comment, Send us an email.

Yeah.

All of the things we would.

Literally.

We really would.

I want to hear it.

Yeah.

Even if you just say, like, yes, that has happened to me.

That's all we need.

We just need affirmation we just need an affirmation.

Confirm, do not deny.

So.

All right.

Well, we will see you next week.

We'll see you next week.

Bye.

Bye.