Can you ask for what you want or need? Do you even know what it is you want or need, or what you DON'T want or need? This can be a tricky one when we stop and think about it!
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We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
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Transcripts
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Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
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This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
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I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
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I'm a best selling author, expert speaker, corporate workshop facilitator, and life coach.
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I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
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Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better.
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Find resources on my website at drink less, live better.com, and buy my book, drink less, live better.
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It's available in all the places you might purchase a book.
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I hope you enjoy this podcast episode. Let's get straight to it. What do you want? What do you need?
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I'm asking this in terms of support.
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We are so used to getting what we want and what we need, sometimes without even asking for it, that it feels really unnatural
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when we sit down to really think about it.
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So often in life we and the people around us are used to fixing.
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If we say that something is wrong or something is uncomfortable or that we don't like something, our friends, our family,
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everyone well meaning and well intentioned in our life is really quick to rush in with either the answer of yes, yes that's
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happened to me as well, that's my thing too, or offer up a quick fix, a solution perhaps or a suggestion, and maybe that isn't
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actually what we needed or what we wanted.
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The desire to fix in some people is super strong, but maybe what we needed was to be listened to, to really be heard.
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Perhaps we needed the opportunity to really sound off, and perhaps if we were face to face or on screen with somebody we really
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needed to be seen in whatever emotion it was we were hanging on to at that particular time.
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I was talking to somebody recently about crying how quick we are, if we're in person with somebody else, to pass them the tissue or to say, they're there. Don't cry.
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And I had an experience recently where somebody was crying on screen, and it was just all let out, all in its own good time.
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There was no no tissues that could be passed, and, indeed, actually, no sleeves for noses or eyes to be wiped on, just the natural release of tears.
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Water out of eyes is completely normal, completely normal, and, of course, there's a desire to soothe but the tears were supposed to come.
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People are really quick to hand over perhaps tools, strategies, techniques that have worked for them and of course they don't necessarily know the background for us.
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We've all got entirely different resources available to us, whether that is a family system behind us, friends, resources
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in terms of finances, we're all coming from a totally different place and what worked for one person won't necessarily work for the next.
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One of those things that you will never hear me say is, well, if I can do it anyone can, because I believe that not to be
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true, and actually somebody telling you that because they could do it everyone can adds to a feeling of perhaps less than,
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and really if I can do it anyone can, is perhaps just a call for 'please notice me, I did a really hard thing' and of course
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if somebody did a really hard thing I'm right there celebrating alongside them.
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Perhaps support for you might look like needing information, perhaps advice, perhaps guidance, perhaps you'd really like somebody
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to tell you their story so that you can recognize a bit of you in somebody else because that can be incredibly comforting
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but people don't wait to be asked for that, sometimes they just give it without being asked, sometimes really what we need
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is solid resources, we need somebody to give us their list of perhaps books, podcasts, people they follow because we're looking
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for inspiration, a little spark, a glimmer, something that would really, really be good for us and maybe sometimes what we
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want or need is cheerleading, somebody to get right behind us us and say, I believe in you. I see your capacity for change.
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I know things can be different from you for you.
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I see all of that stuff that you've told me about that's gone on behind that's happened before.
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I've heard all of that, but I can see your willingness.
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I can see that you've made a choice for something to be different for you. I'm right here with you. I'm here saying yes. Yes. Absolutely.
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And let's do this thing together, not you're expected to do this thing by yourself.
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Sometimes it's useful to borrow somebody else's confidence, somebody else's belief.
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Sometimes it's useful to lean on that a bit whilst we build our own self trust, whilst we build our own self confidence, because these are important.
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When we're looking for support we're borrowing a little bit of something from someone else, something perhaps that we can
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get close to specifically asking for what we want or what we need, and perhaps also we might be able to learn a bit about
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what we don't want or need and maybe we're able to say to somebody close to us, thanks very much for telling me that story
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but, actually, I really need to get this thing off my chest.
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Can you just listen for 5 minutes whilst I say it all without putting in any input, without giving any of your opinion?
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You'll know the people in your life who can do that for you because of course there's people in all of our lives who can't do that for us.
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We have a tendency to talk more than we listen and listening is so, so important when we're being a support for someone else. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
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Please subscribe, rate and review the podcast if you love it, and don't bother if you don't love it.
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Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and details about
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my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programmes, and, PS, I believe in you.
