Shownotes
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Ever tried to take a big leap towards personal growth only to feel the icy grip of fear and possible failure? You’re not alone. In a candid conversation with our community member, Alan, we tear down the fallacy that personal transformation is onerous and time-consuming. We also explore how fear of failure, usually rooted in our past experiences, often becomes the invisible chain holding us back.
In this illuminating dialogue, we tackle how deeply ingrained beliefs might require multiple attempts to unearth. However, each failed attempt could be perceived as a stepping stone to growth rather than a setback. We reflect on Alan’s personal story of addiction and alcoholism and how it impacted his relationships, providing valuable insight into the fear of commitment. The episode concludes with an intriguing discussion on the power of a living meditation to disrupt the emotional response to failure. So, ready to redefine failure and become unstoppable? Tune in.
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Available on Amazon: A Changed Mind: Go Beyond Self Awareness, Rewire Your Brain & Reengineer Your Reality
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What We Explored This Episode
- 0:00 - Fear of Failure and Transformation Misconceptions
- 4:08 - Fear and Growth in Relationships
- 8:44 - Reframing Failure and Transforming Beliefs
Memorable Quotes
"We believe that thoughts are things and that your beliefs dictate your destiny, and so what you believe about personal growth, how hard it is, how easy it is, what the experience must be for you well, that's going to be your reality."
"We've become domesticated and socialized and indoctrinated into believing that certain experiences we have we should call failure and, as you and I were getting very close to you, actually seeing that failure makes no sense as a concept."
"Every time we do that, when those old neural networks and that habit arises if we don't continue to entertain it or layer more beliefs on top of it, we can remember the decision that we've made, which is there's no such thing as failure, and we short circuit. We reduce the amount of time that you have that emotional reaction and over time we re-pattern your whole nervous system and you become unstoppable."
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Transcripts
Hey, it's David. Welcome back to A Changed Mind, a sanctuary for your human spirit, a place where each and every episode I'm going to be reminding you of the certainty of the goodness of the future. I am your host, your guide, your friend, your personal development Sherpa, David Bayer. I am not in the studio this week. For those of you joining us on YouTube, you can actually see that. That afforded us an opportunity for an amazing episode because I'm going to do something that I've never done before and that is give you a behind the scenes look at a breakthrough coaching conversation that took place at one of my live events and retreats. What you're going to be seeing is how I use the frameworks and the methodologies that I teach in order to get to the truth. Every single time we have a conversation taking a look at limiting beliefs or the projections of our childhood traumas or the inner resistance, we never know where the journey is going to take us. We do know one thing and that is we're going to get to the truth and we're going to get to a breakthrough. The reason why I wanted to share this particular coaching conversation with you is because it involves two really critical aspects of growth. If you're somebody who's wanting to get to the next level of emotional intelligence, of self-awareness, of abundance, of prosperity, of health, of relationships, these two areas that I'm going to be sharing with you during the course of this live coaching session are something that we all experience. One is the fear of failure. I don't know about you, but I certainly have experienced the fear of failure in almost every area of my life. I still experience the fear of failure, but I also understand what failure really is, which is going to be revealed in this incredible coaching conversation with our friend, Alan. The other is you're going to hear what Alan starts to share about his beliefs about transformation. His beliefs around what's required in order to change your beliefs. If you've been with me for a while and you're not a first-time listener, especially if you've listened to episode two or three, which is the foundation of everything that we talk about on A Changed Mind, you know that we believe that thoughts are things and that your beliefs dictate your destiny. What you believe about personal growth, how hard it is, how easy it is, what the experience must be for you, that's going to be your reality. As Henry Ford said, the man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can't are both right. We're going to break down these two common misconceptions. Number one, this fear of failure. Number two, that transformation or personal growth needs to be hard and difficult and take a long time. Thankfully, we've got someone from our community, an amazing soul, Alan, who's sort of volunteered unexpectedly to be the showcase for the breakthrough around these two areas. That's what we're going to be covering on A Changed Mind. Let's get right into it. Let's tune in to this conversation that I had with Alan live. Hey, everybody. My name is Alan Garcia from Austin, Texas. What do you got, Alan? One of the contingent from Austin. So pattern, not ever fully committing myself to anything. That stems from this wanting to have an excuse for the failure or what it would say about me if I do ultimately fail and I truly had given myself all to do it. So I find myself holding back and not ever fully committing to anything. Because of a fear of failing. Yeah. And what that would mean or- Fear of failure and fear of success, fear of being inadequate. For you, what is it? I'm just curious. Tell me more about your fear of failure. So what that would say about me as a person, yeah, so I guess it's an identity thing. Got it. What would it say about you as a person? That I'm a failure. So what is a failure? Someone who's not strong enough, who isn't enough. In one way, shape, form or another, just isn't enough. Got it. So can you give me an example of a failure you might fear that you therefore do not attempt? Yeah, getting back into a relationship. I had a 20 year marriage that failed because of my addiction and alcoholism and been clean and sober six and a half years. But I've also not been in another relationship for almost seven years now. Was that because you weren't strong enough? What I'm hearing you say is that your relationship failed. The failure is when you're not strong enough or good enough and don't produce the desired outcome. Is that what I'm understanding? Yeah. Or not willing to go through the hard things that it takes to keep something like that going, you know, to have hit the problems that I had with the alcoholism, the addiction, and not want to face those things, those challenges with the other person to grow through those. You're calling that a failure? No, I'm not calling it a failure now. At the time it was, and I can see that I still have a lot of fear that's preventing me from getting back into dating, relationships, putting myself out there and being vulnerable again. Because it might fail. Right. Because you wouldn't be strong enough even though before it wasn't a failure. It's a process, Dave. No, I'm just asking, I'm trying to understand what you mean by failure. Because what I heard you say was, Hey, I'm not doing certain things because I have this thing that we language as a fear of failing. And I go, Oh, well, what's failing? And you're like, Oh, it's when you're not strong enough to carry it through to an outcome. And I said, Oh, well, give me an example of that. And you said, Well, when I was in my addiction and in my relationship and I wasn't able to work through my stuff and produce the outcome that I desired with the person that I was with. And I said, Oh, so that's a failure. And you go, Well, no, it's not now. So I'm like, Oh, okay. So it's not now. So because I'm just, you can hold on to whatever definition you want of failure. But what I'm hearing you say is that what fit the definition before, in hindsight now you realize you don't view it as a failure. What do you view it as? Growth. Growth. Okay. Got it. So do you have a, do you have a fear of growth? No, I don't. Okay. No. So deciding to be available for another relationship, does that open you up to the possibility of failure again or growth again? Touche. No, I'm just asking. I don't, there's no, I'm not fencing here. Like I want you to imagine I came down from Mars, right? And I called squiggly my buddy up on Mars. I'm like, Hey, I met this really nice dude down here named Alan. He just introduced me to this concept that they have here on earth called failure. Frankly, I'm glad we don't have it on Mars, but they have it here. And I asked Alan, what's failure? And he says, well, when you're not strong enough in order to see something through until the end. And I asked him, well, do you have an example of this thing called failure in your life? And he said, well, yes, this relationship I was in when I was struggling with addiction and I wasn't able to make my relationship work as a result of it. And I said to Alan, Oh, so that's an example of failure. And he said, well, no, not really. And I said, well, what do you mean? He said, well, now that I'm on the other side of it, I look back and I realize it's growth. Oh, squiggly goes, well, this is a fascinating way these human species think. And so I said, how did you get into this conversation with Alan? I said, well, because Alan wants to be in a relationship again, but he's afraid of potentially experiencing failure. And squiggly goes, but he didn't experience the failure the first time around. Right? So I'm just asking you, right? Because it's, it's, it's our, it's hot in here. It's really like we got to lower the AC again, because it's not just me transmitting to squiggly. It's, it's, it's the fact that we were never encouraged to really look deeply at these things in the way that we look deeply at them in our conversations and interactions that allows us to continue to operate through these unintelligent lenses of misunderstanding. But they're not called surface beliefs. They're called core beliefs. What? This one we're talking about? Correct. What does a core belief mean to you? Well, I mean, it's a core belief is something that it takes multiple attempts to get it to the surface so that you can actually let go of it at, by its nature, a core belief is something that's been embodied fully. And so I don't know that mind work is necessarily enough to actually heard that belief from the core. Got it. What do you mean your work? The work you've been doing? Well, yeah. So all of this 12 steps of recovery, which I wholeheartedly agree with you is the first steps back into life, not the be all and end all. I love what you guys are doing here and other people that I've followed. And so I've done a lot of work to get a lot of my core beliefs to the surface and to let them go. And I just don't know whether or not mind work is the only way to means by which to allow those things to leave my core. Just like Brian and Chelsea Ray have some other technologies that I think are beautiful. Dr. Joe Dispenza has some technologies that I think are very powerful. Being aware of it and writing it down and bring it into my conscious awareness and getting it from my core to a place where I can see it is very powerful. But does it allow it to actually leave and completely go away? I find that it's persistent. Got it. What I'm hearing you say is, and what I'm experiencing, is that we were in the midst of a conversation in potentially eradicating the concept of failure completely from your consciousness and realizing that there is no such thing as failure and that what you had been calling failure are just experiences that lend to growth and you're growth oriented. But we've become domesticated and socialized and indoctrinated into believing that certain experiences we have, we should call failure. As you and I were getting very close, you actually see that failure makes no sense as a concept so that when it arises in your nervous system or cognitively for you, you can become aware of it and have something to now pivot your energy and attention to, to move your neural networks over to, wait a minute, I know this feels like failure and I know I'm telling myself, but I remember that conversation I had with Dave and I took the time to inventory every experience that I think I ever had around failure and I realized not a single one of them was ever failure. It was all growth and therefore I've never failed, I am not failing and I can never fail. And we were on the edge of this and you said, but I have another belief. No, what's that, Alan? And you go, some of these beliefs are core. I go, well, squiggly, hold on a minute. Tell me about that, Alan. And you go, well, some of them I need to find a wizard, a magician, a this or that, and it's got to do all this stuff. And I'm saying, okay, fine, then that's true for you. But my role in facilitating this for you right now is just see that, I don't know that it has to be that way for you, but that is what oftentimes happens as we get into personal growth and we're learning how to use even basic tools at the earlier stages. It's kind of like riding a bike, like we're not that great at it because we've never done it before. But then the meaning we give it very, very quickly is, oh, this one must be real deep. This one must be a trauma. This one must be from a past life. This one is multidimensional. And I don't know if that's true. I believe you have the opportunity to leave this weekend no longer a victim of this invented misperception that anything called failure exists in your life. Now that doesn't mean that it's not a habit, right? When all this stuff we're doing is like the habit comes up, but now we've got a truth to pivot to, right? We've had this revelation or a revealing or a realization, and then we are in this living meditation as we go through life, remembering the old, acknowledging the old, not trying to deny the old when it comes up, but going, but I know better now, right? And every time we do that, when those old neural networks and that habit arises, if we don't continue to entertain it or layer more beliefs on top of it, we can, and this is the decision matrix effectively, right? We can remember the decision that we've made, which is there's no such thing as failure. And we short circuit and short circuit and short circuit, and we reduce the amount of time that you have that emotional reaction. And over time, we repattern your whole nervous system, and you become unstoppable Alan that just does not perceive anything he does in his life as a failure. And that's the process. Now, whether that's from this or whether that's from that or whether that's from Joe Dispenza, I don't know, but I want to just share with you my listing for what you're saying. If you want to be in transformative work, my recommendation is that we believe that transformation doesn't have to be difficult, that even the limiting beliefs that we've been carrying for a long, long time can go quickly and easily. Those are beautiful incantations to have, and that will help accelerate your growth. Thank you. Awesome. Wow. What an awesome coaching session with our friend Alan. I hope you got as much out of it as I did. And by the way, if you're a first-time listener, welcome. If you're a long-time listener, great to have you with me again. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you like this video, comment below, ask some questions. I read through each and every comment, try to answer as many questions as I can, subscribe to the channel. And by the way, if you're listening on your favorite podcast platform, Spotify, iTunes, or any other, do me a favor and do yourself a favor, subscribe so that I can be notifying you every week when we come out with new episodes to help you take your mindset to the next level. And if you haven't yet, leave me a rating, leave me a review. Really easy to do on these platforms. It's the way that I'm able to get feedback from you and that we're able to get this workout to as many people as possible so that together, we can not only go beyond self-awareness, rewire our brains, and re-engineer our reality, but change the world together. So, hope to see you on the next episode and enjoy the rest of your day.
