In this episode we unpack Chapter 6 — The Present Leader — and explore what it really means to lead from the here and now. We dive into how presence goes beyond confidence or authority and becomes a practice of intentional attention: noticing what’s happening around you, within you, and in your conversations. We discuss the two main sources of distraction leaders face today — the external world and their internal dialogue — and how both can pull focus away from effective leadership. We also explore the connection between presence and listening, and how paying attention to what is said (and not said) helps build trust and stronger relationships.

Through real examples, we highlight common blind spots, the importance of humility and curiosity, and how leaders can stay intentional, navigate discomfort, and make more aligned decisions in complex environments.

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Hi. Welcome to lead with a coaching mindset, a Podcast where we explore how leaders and unlock their followers potential. I am Dr Damian Goldvarg, and I am very excited to discuss my new book, lead with a coaching mindset.

Hi everyone. I'm Elaine Padilla. I'm also coach and I will be the host of this podcast. We hope that you find this space inspirational and thought provoking. Let's get into it.

Welcome to lead with a coaching mindset. We meet every other week with Elena Padilla to discuss my book, lead with a coaching mindset, and today we're going to be exploring together chapter six, the present leader. So the present leader, locking your mind in the heat. And now it's a very interesting, interesting topic that we're going to be talking and discussing today. And how are you today?

Yeah, I'm doing. Well, good to see you again. Damien, yeah, I'm excited to to dive into this, to this topic, because it it it brings in some some themes that may not seem aligned with leadership, but truly are important and can be really impactful. So I want to start with the question of, you know, what does presence really mean in in leadership, like beyond confidence or authority?

Well, in the context that we are exploring here today, when we're talking about presence, we means about connecting with the here and now, with everything going on in the world, it's very easy to get distracted, like right now we are facing war, economical challenges, political challenges. So people are very destructive, and we need to be present to what is in the context and bring into the conversation, but not letting all of these things that are happening take away our energy and our focus to get whatever we need to accomplish.

Okay, yeah, so tell me more about that, like, what makes it so hard for people to to stay present with with all these distractions?

Well, the distractions come from different sources. Come from outside, from the world, but also we have our inner conversations that also distract us. So not only what is around us and outside us, but inside us, our inner voice, inner voice that is talking to us since wake up in the morning till we go to sleep, is our inner conversation so many times, not only what is happening outside, but it's also our thoughts, and we think we control our thoughts, but we don't

What came out to our mind many times we wish that it would not be there. So in some ways, we need to pay attention to what's happening in our mind, what's happening outside, and being aware that they think we cannot control. So when we are being mindful and when we are present, we are paying attention intentionally to what's happening, embracing it, accepting it, instead of saying no, that shouldn't be that way. And then, with that information, moving forward, making the right decisions and taking action that are aligned to our goals, our values, and whatever needs to be accomplished.

And what makes it important when you're working with your teams, to be, to be, to be fully present.

Well, when you're not present, you're not connected.

Okay. Well,

basically, how we demonstrate we're present? We demonstrate we're present, connected in the here and now, by instead of thinking what's coming up next on the next meeting, or what happened in the morning before we meet in the afternoon, is taking our mind from the past, from the future, in the present, and paying attention. So presence is our attention in how we pay attention and how we pay attention what people are saying, what they may not be saying, to their body language, and using that information in the conversations. So by being present, we are paying attention to what is said, What is not said, by the language, the context, the energy, and we use that information when we are having conversations with our colleagues. So by paying attention to this element and bringing them to the conversation, we are demonstrating we are listening. So here is a big connection between presence and listening, because we cannot listen if we are not present. And one of the way to show presence is by listening and showing understanding. So there is a big connection between presence and listening.

You know, in your in your book, you you talk about when things can go wrong and and you mentioned the the employee, who's the former star employee, that that was really. Be really interesting, because it's highlighting what can happen when you're not being present and engaging with someone. So can you share that story?

Yeah, it's a true story about the client that he was very upset he came to a coaching session because he has, he had lost a person working for his team, and he realized that he was paying attention to people who were having some challenges at work and not enough attention to the stars. Because he thought, okay, the stars, they don't need to pay attention and support people who are not being able to perform. And that's a big mistake, because stars, highly achievers, also need attention. Also need to be challenged. And here was a missed opportunity for this leader who learned his lesson. He said, You know, right now, I'm going to start paying more attention to all of all of people working for me, particularly the performers, the people who are committed, the people who are doing a good job. Because I may think that they don't need anything, but they may still need being challenged, or getting assignments that are more interesting or but again, it's about what may be blind spots, about what we are not paying attention to that may have a negative consequence.

So you're talking about about blind spots and what what's important for for leaders to understand about blind spots and what to to do about them?

Well, the first and most important one is being humble enough to know that the human beings we all have blind spots, doesn't matter how much experience we have, it doesn't matter what we accomplished in the past. It's about knowing that there are things we don't know that we don't know, and that requires some humility, to recognize that we may not be seeing things, and when we have that humility, we are more prone to ask for help, and we're more prone to ask for people's input and information. And that really helps to prevent surprises, because when you're in communication and when you learn what people are thinking and feeling and experiencing, then there are no surprises, because people, if you have a good relationship, people may be honest to each other. So here, the key element is being aware that if we are not looking at places because it's uncomfortable and because we don't have time, or because we don't think it's important, we may have to experience some consequences from that. So the key element in this part of the chapter is I want people to be aware that we are all human. We all are imperfect, and we can learn by paying attention and asking people to give a feedback, to share information and learning to collaborate, being good collaborators. So being present is paying attention to all of these elements and being able to collaborate with others so we can accomplish the goals that we need to accomplish.

Yeah, you're touching on the importance of curiosity, right? Yeah, tell me more about that.

Well, all of these competencies are related to each other. Curiosity is about being interested in others. So we are not present. You cannot be interested in others. You're just interested in yourself and in your thoughts. In some way, you need to let go, as I've been in your mind and being interested in others, perspectives, opinions, integrate them as much as you can. By being curious, you support building your relationship, because presence is also about building a relationship when you are present, not only at listening, but also building trust, because if I listen to you, you feel okay, Damien cares. Yeah, I can trust Damian. So that's all of these competencies are related to each other. The this the chapter before presence, it was about trust. The chapter after presence, about listening, and they're all related to each other. They go together, hand and hand.

Yeah, yeah. You in the chapter you also talk about and what you were talking about earlier, about this, and I wanted to dig a little bit deeper about how to become comfortable with discomfort. Do you have any, I don't know, tips for for leaders that might be struggling with that concept.

Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is one of the skills that leaders in a way they need to embrace, because there is so much uncertainty, so much com. Complexity that is very uncomfortable, not having the perfect answer, not having all of the information, not being able to integrate and digest all of the data available. And that requires flexibility. So here that comfortable with being uncomfortable is related to having the flexibility to adapt and to change and to do things in different ways that many times is uncomfortable because we have not done that before. We don't know the results. So whatever the new different can be exciting, but sometimes also produce some fear. And some extent of fear and anxiety is normal, but where that fear is too big then paralyzed us. That is when it's a problem, when we are so afraid being uncomfortable that that stop us and paralyze us and does not allow us to take actions and move forward.

Being intentional is about being intentional is knowing that part of today's work at most jobs, I think, because everything's happening in the world with technology, AI, and everything is happening in the context is really distracting, and it's affecting us. So by the taking the being intentional, paying attention, being clear that sometimes uncomfortable, but validating that and normalizing it, and moving forward, not letting that to be in our way to accomplish what we need to accomplish.

Yeah, you mentioned fear gets in people's way. What are their what are some other things that get in people's way? Or are there? Are there other things that are bigger, you know, for some leaders that might get in their way?

Well, first, it depends on the level of experience. Leaders who are newer and more less let's say they are less confident. So lack of confidence can be an issue. Can be because of lack of experience, or that lack of confidence may be related not to not having experience, but not having experience in this specific times, within specific challenges that may be new and different. So that lack of confidence is one of the issue that may take people away from being present, because they are worried about their confidence. They're worried about themselves. They are in their head, and that fear may be in their way. So fears are about different things. Lack of confidence may be one of the issue. Fear of failure,

Very present, and doesn't matter how much experience you have when sometimes the conditions start changing?

Yeah,

you cannot control the conditions. The fear to fail is very real. So that's another fear that can be in their way, and that's the reason why it's important that there is always a possibility that we can fail, but by collaborating, by engaging other people, having conversations, collecting data, being proactive, all of these elements help to deal with these levels of uncertainty and complexity.

So I'm curious, because you've had lots of you've had leadership roles, even though you've been working as a, as a, as a coach, as a trainer, for a long time, but you've had some leadership roles in your past. So what made it possible for you to to feel truly present, if at that time you felt like you could be you know, if you you had developed that skill? What made it possible?

Well, one key element for me, for example, when I was the president of the International coaching Federation. In that role, I intentionally spent a lot of time building relationships with the board members, one on one that will call one on one, each of them getting to know them, getting for them, knowing me. And this is related to the chapter of the book that talks about contracting, agreeing, building relationship, clarifying expectations, and that really helped me to understand them, for them to understand me. And then when I had challenging times, I feel supported. I didn't feel that I was alone. I even convinced a colleague of mine to become a treasurer, because also, you need to know what are your areas of weaknesses and opportunities. So a wise thing is to bring people who have the skills that can support you. So yeah, I know that all of the accounting treasuring part was not best friend, so we're looking in the community who had a financial background.

So a colleague of mine and a friend of mine from Australia, Peter Ballard. He was the financial officer before being a coach, so he has a lot of financial background. I thought he would be perfect for the. Is. So I encourage them and I motivate them to apply for the board. It was very challenging because it was only, I think, two positions, and there were like 50 people who wanted to be in the board, like a big number of people. So we're very competitive. And then people had to vote. So there were a lot of steps, but I never gave up. I always supported him. And then he was elected, and he got into the war. So that was one of my biggest fears. Kawa will deal with that piece by not having him. That gave me a lot of confidence that things will be resolved. So it's like you, you need to be strategic, too. It's another issue like effectively thinking about the future. If thinking, Okay, what would I need? What do I need to do to be prepared? Who are the right people to be my team? Also letting when you realize that you do not have the right people in your team is letting people go. I find many times people have difficulties when somebody may not be good fit and they keep it in the team for whatever reason that is not the right one,

And many times there is a cost. So I think that by choosing the right people and building effective relationships, it's much easier being present.

And being able to focus on goals versus focus on dealing with conflicts, because people do not like you, don't want to work with you, and they boycott

so I'm wondering, before you became so wise, Damien, was there a time that you were not present, and what was the consequence of of not being present?

Well, one time that they were not present, when was I make a decision to share that I have an opinion. For example, in my same position as a President of International Code Federation, I had a position, personal position, that every coach should work with a supervisor, and that was my personal opinion. You are not the organizational opinion. And when you have positions, you have to be careful, because your personal opinions in some context.

And you're not only representing yourself, but you are representing the organization that you work for. So by not being present, not realizing that, not being clear enough that that was only my position and not the organization position, it was a misunderstanding that I was representing the organization versus representing my personal opinion. So I was I have a challenge, and I have a problem that I need to fix because I was not present to paying attention and realizing that okay, if I share a personal opinion, you have to be in that context, and also when you are a leader, sometimes you may or may not agree with the decision of your bosses. Sometimes you may still need to support a decision that is not what you think is the right one, because this is what it is that can be challenging. Sometimes people may decide to leave the organization, but sometimes the decisions are not big enough, or to that makes somebody to quit the job because of that. But, yeah, sometimes that's one of the challenges at work, is when we had to support the position that we don't agree.

I totally understand that. That just happened this past week. That's why I'm laughing, because I said I'm frustrated. I don't agree with this decision, but, you know, I understand, there's nothing that I personally can do. So, okay, all right. Well, I will, I will follow that. I will follow you.

And sometimes, not only following you, need to either to follow you or doing something that you may not be your preference.

Yeah, yes, yeah. So I, I accepted the situation, even if I don't agree with it. But like you said, it wasn't big enough for me. It's, it's, it's not worth, you know, fighting, fighting for

we need to choose our battles

Exactly, exactly. So it's important to remember about our conversation today is that you have to be intentional in order to focus on on the here and now, and you also need to be aware of what else is, is, is in the environment? Right distracting you, whether it's it's the politics, the economy, etc, or even the voices inside our head that can be getting in the way of focusing on the conversation, on the person right in front of you, as well as you know, focusing on. What you're noticing with with the person you're chatting with. You know, are they? Are they nervous? Are they tapping their feet? Is there a change in their voice like that is being fully present, and when you notice that and and respond to that, that's going to help build trust with your employee, they're going to know that you, you know, you see them, and you, you care about them. So those are some, just some points that we hope everybody takes away from today's conversation.

Thank you, Lynn, see you. In a couple of weeks, we're going to be talking about listening skills.

Sounds good. See you. Then bye. You.