TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! Leaves are falling, and rakes are out. Piles are being jumped into while jackets are on. Come fall into our family topic for this week: to compete or to complement.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24 Paul uses a competition analogy to help us understand our striving for our eternal prize: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.” Paul again uses the competition analogy in 2 Timothy 2:5, “An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” As the Australian Institute for Public Affairs states, “Competition teaches children teamwork, and equips them with the tools they need to develop relationships, form partnerships and work together to solve problems.” Through competition, kids can learn how to work hard and stick with something challenging.

Since competing is a striving against one another to gain or win something, we know that conflict can arise within times of striving. If conflict creeps into competition, the efforts can become negative, wholly self-centered, and destructive to self-esteem. However, when a person is not challenged with competition at all, that person can become entitled and less of a wise risk-taker. Competition can teach persistence, perseverance, and resilience.

Let’s turn for a moment to complement. We do not mean compliments as in, “Wow, you look great today.” (why, thank you!) No, we mean complement with an ‘e’ and that complement means “add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it; make perfect.”

And, the perfect example of complementing is the trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are not in competition with each other; each reveals different aspects of the God-head. That’s full complementation. Since the family is an illustration of our relationship with God, we must understand how to complement each other. “You’re doing great babe.” Not that type of complement, Kim. Oh, yeah, right. As Phil Ware so succinctly stated it, “Our complement makes us better than we can be on our own.”

Back to the sports analogy: to win games, team members must remember to complement each other in the midst of the greater competition. And, to win in life, families must remember to complement each other in the midst of this greater competition of daily life. Competition and complementation are not mutually exclusive.

Five ways to foster healthy competition with a mindset of complementation are:

1. Identify the difference between conflict and competition for your children if they cannot see it themselves.
2. Encourage each family member to try new skills and challenges. With competition added into the new skill, children often learn the skill faster and have a stronger grasp of it.
3. Remind each family member that he or she will not always be the winner. Encourage your children to lose gracefully.
4. Remind them that the biggest competition they ultimately face is against themselves.
5. Help them to focus on building others up. By realizing that others have different strengths than our own and encouraging others in those strengths allows us to see how we can truly complement one another.

Complement is exemplified in Philippians 2:3-4 –“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

This past Sunday, our church was blessed to have a sibling band lead worship. Ranging from six to twenty-five, they sung in harmony, rotated positions, and shared equipment. Even when two mics failed during one song, everyone kept the flow, and the lead singer had a flawless smile even while not being heard for a portion of the song. Each sibling grinned and nodded encouragingly. When the younger of the children were finished with their song, an older brother tried to help a younger brother place his mic back on the stand. The younger brother pulled on the mic and agitatedly placed the mic himself.

Not twenty minutes earlier our six-year-old had gotten mad when his brother opened the van door for him. He closed it and reopened it himself, determined to prove he could do it himself. In our family’s case the argument was longer and more competitive than the singer group’s, but seeing their younger ones behave in a competitive fashion added some authenticity for me. We talked about how their rehearsals probably have a bit more contention and competition, but their willingness to ultimately complement one another for the glory of the Lord was an awesome sight. What can your family do to find ways to complement each other?

Thank you for joining us this week on the Five Minute Family brought to you by Clear View Retreat. Check us out at clearviewretreat.org. Stay warm out there, and don’t let the chill in the air bring a chill to your heart.