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In this episode of the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky welcomes master coach Andrea Tessier to explore the profound impact of inner child work, somatics, and internal family systems (IFS) on personal growth and self-worth. Andrea shares her journey from a regimented teaching career to becoming a certified master coach, emphasizing the importance of understanding and integrating our inner parts.

The conversation delves into how childhood trauma shapes our nervous system and influences adult behavior, offering practical insights into building self-trust and harmonious relationships. Listeners will gain valuable tools to transform self-sabotage into self-love and enhance their connection to intuition and creativity.

What We Explored This Episode

00:05:40: Explanation of Internal Family Systems (IFS)

00:06:15: Impact of Childhood Trauma on the Nervous System

00:12:58: Understanding Parts Work in IFS

00:18:13: Breakdown of Manager, Firefighter, and Exile Parts

00:25:24: Connection Between Inner Child and Self-Trust

00:30:10: Navigating Relationships and Partner Dynamics

00:35:13: The Importance of Self-Trust and Integration

00:42:57: Distinguishing Between Pullback and Procrastination

Memorable Quotes

"Our society is really built on this concept of willpower, that we should just be able to will ourselves to do something, be something, know better, do better. And when we can't, we go into shame and guilt and rigidity around it. When we're trying to will parts of us into submission, we're actually disregarding some really important wisdom and creating a level of self-trust."

"Firefighters are extreme protectors. If your house is on fire, you want to call the firefighters—they are going to put that out. Firefighters in our internal system can show up as addiction, eating disorders, or explosive rage and anger. They are parts of us that we feel are really extreme, and they are protecting a younger part of us."

"The inner child is like the most critical piece. Yes, it holds the pain and trauma and hurt, but it is also responsible for our creativity, innocence, play, and aliveness. The more we can awaken the inner child, the more we have direct access to that, and who doesn't want that? Because that's where life is really good."

Resources Mentioned

Clear Mind Clear Path: An Unconventional Guide to Decision Making for Overthinkers by Andrea Tessier - https://www.andreatessier.com/clear-mind-clear-path 

Connect With Andrea

Andrea’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tessier.andrea/

Connect With Amie

Download My Free Breathwork Practice

https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

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Andrea Tessier

0:00 - 0:29

Anybody that might be like, bypassing oh, my trauma wasn't bad as so and so. It doesn't freaking matter. It matters. That's how encoded in your body. And if the body isn't responding, if the patterns of our lives aren't responding, how to meet the circumstances of our lives. We know that there's something stuck there that meant that our needs weren't methadone at a really critical stage of our development.

Amie Barsky

0:37 - 3:34

Hello, hello and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script, and I'm going to show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where I'll share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures to be perfect. These juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if you're ready, then buckle up. It's time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. Welcome back to the I come first podcast. I am your host, Amy Barsky, and here we are continuing to uncover why so many fierce, highly successful women like you still struggle to put themselves first. This week, master coach Andrea Tessier joins us, and we are going deep into understanding inner child work, somatics, and internal family systems, which is parts work. One of my favorite things to do with my clients. Andrea shares pure magic when she connects the dots between how your early childhood experiences can actually shape your nervous system and influence your sense of self worth in the world as an adult. Like real talk, she breaks down what ifs is and how it can help you see the difference between your true desires and what society has taught you to believe as truth. You'll learn how to flip the script in self sabotage and turn it into self love, specifically when it comes to making decisions in your life. Should you push? Should we pause? Should you pull back in the different projects or seasons of your life? We also chat up the details of how your nervous system affects your love life, especially when it comes to speaking up and owning your voice and setting boundaries. Overall, a healthy relationship with every part of yourself is needed to really unleash that creativity, that communication, and that sense of deep connection to your intuition. So get ready for a transformative conversation that will light up your life and inspire you to start putting yourself first. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement. Welcome to the I come first podcast. Andrea, I'm so excited to have you here today. Love your light. I love how bright and just illuminated you are in the space that we've shared together so far. And I'm really excited to dive into our conversation today. So welcome, welcome. And please, if you're open to it, share like, a quick peek into your journey so people can get to know you.

Andrea Tessier

3:34 - 4:09

Yeah. Amazing. Thank you for having me, Amy. I absolutely love every single conversation we have ever had. And so I'm stoked about what's going to come through today. You know, it's funny because you're asking about my journey, but when you messaged me, like, an hour before the call, saying, like, hey, do you want the questions? My answer was no. Let's just see where this goes. And I have to say that, like, at the start of this journey, five, six, seven years ago, I would have been like, yes, tell me every single question. I need the answer a week before. So I compare. I would have had a.

Amie Barsky

4:09 - 4:11

It's my efficiency pattern.

Andrea Tessier

4:11 - 5:39

I would have had a script up with, like, all of the smart things I wanted to say. And so I think that's part of my journey. Where I was classroom teacher for 13 years, all I knew was the school system, which is so regimented, so rule based. I got so good at following the rules, I was like, I'm gonna make a career out of it, right? And Belle, for 35 years, told me when I could pee. So how do you even learn to listen to your body right when they're like, no, it's not 935 yet. So my journey was, of course, leaving that career that I was growing out of because of my own personal growth and mission was changing and into meeting myself and working with me. And that was a process of, you know, like, working with my nervous system, training deeply as a coach, working on my own personal embodiment, and then discovering internal family systems so that now I am. I have a business that I love. I am been working as a coach for almost five years, certified master coach, trained in over 20 modalities, and, you know, a practitioner in internal family systems, which has been really probably the most pivotal and transformational work that I have done up to date.

Amie Barsky

5:40 - 6:15

Yeah, it's one of my favorite modalities. So those who are listening, we're talking about if, excuse me, I've got a frog in my throat. We're talking about ifs internal family systems, and it is such a rich modality to use specifically when it comes to inner child work. So my first question is, how does childhood trauma impact a woman's nervous system? And how can understanding this connection between these two and empower woman to reclaim and, like, really take her power back and reclaim her voice?

Andrea Tessier

6:15 - 7:31

Yeah. So I think first, let's just, like, clarify what we mean by childhood trauma, right? Because it can be those big p traumas that are things that happen too fast, too soon. Divorce, rape, fire, plane crash. Like, it can be all those horrific things, and it can also be small t trauma, the things that just happen for too long that are too much and can be a result of not having our needs met. Right. And this is what gets bypassed a lot, because we're, like, our parents did the best that they could and go and get your needs met. And so what that looked like for me is I spent years in therapy, coaching, doing all the personal development, looking for, like, that one thing that must have made me so effed up, right. There had to be something responsible for my anxious attachment style and my codependency patterns and why I would shut down and why I was so conflict avoidant and why I couldn't make it past the first two or three days with a man. There had to have been something that I, like, suppressed. And then it came to me through coaching. It wasn't one thing. It was all of it.

Amie Barsky

7:31 - 7:32

Here's the menu.

Andrea Tessier

7:32 - 8:21

Pick one. It was not having my needs met. It was not being able to express myself. It was, go to your room and pretend it didn't happen until we don't have to talk about it. It was that for my entire life. And so, you know anybody that might be, like, bypassing, oh, my trauma wasn't bad as so and so. It doesn't freaking matter. It matters. That's how it was encoded in your body. And if the body isn't responding, if the patterns of our lives aren't responding, how to meet the circumstances of our lives? We know that there's something stuck there that meant that our needs weren't met at a really critical stage of our development. Yeah.

Amie Barsky

8:21 - 9:50

And it's really important to have a distinction that, boy, this frog is still here. It's really important to have the distinction of, like you're talking about. It's in the body. Like, the body is storing all of our experiences. It's a living library of everything. And it doesn't matter that it doesn't measure it. Like, the body doesn't measure. Oh, that's a little thing or a big thing. It just knows it was a thing, period. You know, and I feel like we have, as coaches and as, you know, studying neuroscience and the ways in which the mind is malleable and grows and how it's connected to the body and all the energetics that live in between the head and the heart. It's about this understanding of there is no measurement. It's just this experience of energy that happens and how you respond to the energy, how you respond to the actual experience itself, because everyone responds differently. No one will respond the same way to see a snake on the street or on a path as you're walking down a trail. Everyone responds differently. And for some people, it could be a traumatic experience, and for others, it could be. Oh, yeah, look at that. So cute, right? So it's fascinating. And I feel very similar, or we had similar childhood experiences in regards to go to your room, you know, process it yourself, little one. That's because, in my opinion, my parents, I know now that my parents just didn't have the tools, and I'm guessing that was probably similar for you.

Andrea Tessier

Yeah, 100%. And I can say that now, like, really authentically for a lot of people. That's kind of a bypassy comment, right? We have to be able to go it and feel it for that to be a genuine truth in our experience. And so. Yeah.

Amie Barsky

Yes, I love that. Now, you know, we're using this word ifs. Internal family systems. Let's, in a nutshell, can you break it down so our listener can really go, well, what the heck are they talking about? What does that mean?

Andrea Tessier

Internal family systems is a modality that was developed by doctor Richard Schwartz in the eighties, was started through his, like, work with eating disorder patients and in family therapy. And he was realizing that the way that his eating disorder patients or patients with eating disorders were relating to themselves was a lot like how he was seeing families relate to themselves. They would say things like, well, a part of me wants this, and a part of me wants that. And he was the first person to start to get curious about, like, what are these parts? And so a lot of times we use the word parts work to talk about ifs as well. And so it's like, I think a great example is if we think about maybe the last time you were invited to a party or event and a part of you wanted to go and a part of you wanted to stay home. Right? And underneath those two parts, if we get really nuanced, there was probably a part that was afraid of missing out, a part that felt guilty for going and leaving the kids with a babysitter. Right. A kid that felt guilty for not going because you should. You should go. There's probably a part that, like, ooh, what if I go and I'm judged? Or what if I don't go and I'm judged? Or, you know, the part that wants to manage everything, and they're like, well, I don't even know what gift to bring for the host and what kind of wine bring and going to overwhelm about that. Right?

Amie Barsky

I gotta get it right.

Andrea Tessier

Yes, those are all parts. So typically, we think about that as having conflicted thoughts or overthinking, but in internal family systems, we're actually getting nuanced about those players behind that debate. We're going in and we're saying, oh, what is the need of that people pleaser? What's happening there behind the guilt? What is that fomo, like, really touching on? And we're going there, and that's where the work is really juicy because we can actually create a level of harmony within all of those players. So going to a party is a small decision, but it shows up in the bigger decisions of our lives, too. Like, do I leave my job or do I go? Do I stay in this relationship? Who do I hire as a therapist or coach? Like, all of the time, our parts are talking to us, and it's our work to develop a more peaceful, compassionate, witnessing relationship with each of them to really feel like more whole and integrated adults.

Amie Barsky

Yeah, absolutely. And I love this. So what I'm hearing is it's so key to understand the parts that show up, particularly when you notice the same pattern happening in your life. It sounds like, you know, like, relationship and job and things like that, like how you're showing up and having. Having such a beautiful, loving, and compassionate relationship with these parts so that they're not. I like to call it like, they like to sit in the front. They like to drive the bus. So who's driving your bus? You want your true self to be in the driver's seat in a perfect world, right? However, we're still human. So parts of ourselves like to grab the steering wheel, make a right turn, or hit the brakes or turn the radio dial to a different song, but that might not be in alignment. And so it sounds like, you know, I love what you're sharing is connect to these parts, have a beautiful relationship, have a healthy relationship instead of judging yourself. Cause that's a part I'm really? You know, my, my inner critic and my self beat up you. We have great. Like, we're still working through this relationship, I gotta tell ya. And it's a practice. And when the practice can become full of compassion, that's when I feel like my life gets a lot more, like, easier to navigate the part versus the constant conflict, you know?

Andrea Tessier

Yes, exactly. And I feel too like our society is really built on this concept of, like, willpower, right? That we should just be able to, like, will ourselves to do something, be something, know better, do better, and then when we can't, we go into shame and guilt and rigidity around it. And of course there's a place for willpower and discipline. Of course, I'm not saying that the ancient yogis built that foundation like, thousands of years ago. And when we're trying to will parts of us into submission, we're actually diperating some really important wisdom and creating a level of self trust. So that's not to say we want a six year old running our business, right? A six year old inner child running our business, or a 14 year old, a 14 year old trying to date for us, which, by the way, like, that was part of my journey, so throwing myself there. But the more we can kind of, like, uncover that, the more we become these really empowered, courageous, confident people that get to really lead our lives from this place of, like, who we really are.

Amie Barsky

Yes. And so what I really want to emphasize here is allowing that part a voice, give it a voice, give it an opportunity to say what it needs to say, to express and feel how it felt back then. Because most of our parts have come into our, you know, human experience and our nervous system because something happened. And so, oh, I notice when I get good grades, I get appreciation and love and attention from my parents. So I'm just going to keep getting good grades, right? If that's the way that becomes a part of let me be the good student or the good girl or whatever that label might be. That, because, and everyone labels things differently. I know we have like, generic labels, like people pleaser, inner critic, self saboteur, things like that. And there's so many parts. There's thousands and thousands. So it's really important that we create a space where they're allowed to have a voice because they probably didn't back then. And I find when I do my practices, that's probably one of the first things I do. What do you want to say? What's here for you? How are you feeling? And I give that younger version of myself an opportunity, and then I get to be the reparenting, you know, the parent that I always wanted.

Andrea Tessier

Exactly that. And it's like, I almost think of these parts is like, because they are all younger. They were all. They all came online at times in our lives when we didn't have a choice, when they came on with these protective initiatives to make sure that we are okay. And so they're stuck. They're stuck in early development, early childhood, early adolescence, maybe pushing it, early adulthood, before our brain was fully formed. And a lot of the way they act and react is really juvenile. And so we're sitting there going, like, why am I not doing what I say I want to do? Like, why am I still acting like this? It's because it's not you. It's because it's a part of you that's driving the bus, that's in charge. And just like a toddler that's trying to get our attention, that pulls on your shirt sleeve and gets louder and louder until you notice them. They're just asking to be seen and heard and understood and then integrated with who are now. Yes.

Amie Barsky

I love this. And just for our listener to get a little taste, because you mentioned, like, a manager, and, you know, obviously you and I have studied together, so we're familiar, but there might be, like, what does that mean? So can you break down a little bit of manager, firefighter, exile just so they get a little taste of that?

Andrea Tessier

Yes. So you can imagine the protective system, like, almost like layers of defense to make sure that you're okay. So on that, the outside are our managers, and our managers are proactive problem solvers. They want to make sure that everything gets done in the right order on time so everybody's okay. You're laughing. I'm like, there's people that can relate to this. And manager parts are generally exhausted because they are vigilant. They're always looking around what needs to be done. What do I got to do? What do I got to do next? What do I cross off on my to do list so that I'm okay, right? And beautiful. Like, we have shit to do in our culture. Like, let's be real here. There is a place for that. And when it's extreme, when it's creating more stress and more disharmony than good, our managers are kind of in control of our system, and they don't need to be. And to be honest, like, most managers are teenagers, parts of us that are teenagers trying to get it right after our managers. Right? And so if you're relating to this. Anybody listening? Like, everybody has manager parts, right? Like, we are. And if we're not careful, they're the ones that are running our lives underneath that line of defense. If the managers are proactive, our protectors are reactive. So something's gone wrong, and now I'm gonna fix it. I'm going into defense mode. It's like I'm shutting down. I'm going into people pleasing. I'm going to defend, I'm going to react, I'm going to be angry. It's more of a protection of the self and the ego that comes from a place of, like, I just need to be okay. And the thing about that is we don't generally like the result, right? We judge ourselves for the pattern and the intention is always positive. It is protection. It's protecting a younger part of us. And so some good examples of protectors, like I said, are the saboteur are like analyzer parts, right? If you have a part that loves to overthink, overanalyze, think too much, it's protecting you from feeling too much, right. If you have a part that shuts down, goes into conflict avoidance, it's protecting you from being humiliated and hurt. And so really good reasons. And it's important that we understand them and bring a level of compassion to these protector parts because that's the way we start to build a more compassionate relationship with it rather than judging ourselves. B's. And then you mentioned firefighters. So firefighters are extreme protectors. Firefighters.

Amie Barsky

And then exiles.

Andrea Tessier

And then exiles. Yeah. So firefighters are like extreme defenders. Like, they are in our society. If your house is on fire, you want to call the firefighters, they are going to, you know, like, put that shit out. And so firefighters are like the extreme inner critic that's like, I am shutting shit down before it gets really bad. It can show up as addiction, eating disorders. Parts of us that we feel are really extreme. Even like really explosive rage and anger. Like this.

Amie Barsky

Yeah. Over producing, overachieving, overworking out. Like.

Andrea Tessier

Yes.

Amie Barsky

Yep. Really avoiding what's actually there.

Andrea Tessier

Exactly. And so again, all of these are parts of you. They're not you. There are parts that came online when you didn't have a choice. And what's really liberating in that for me is that you can work with the part, integrate it, help it get its needs met in a more healthy way, and then it actually isn't quite so loud in the system. And all of those three managers, protectors, firefighters, are protecting this exiled inner child. Like the sweetest, most tender, most innocent and loving part of you that was shamed, that was terrified, that did not get their needs met, and then was blamed and shamed and shoved away. And we've learned to hide away. We've learned to exile those parts of us that don't fit with who we want to be, who we are in the world that risks or threatens our belonging. We shove it.

Amie Barsky

Yeah. Or who we think we're supposed to be.

Andrea Tessier

Yes.

Amie Barsky

Yeah. I'm supposed to do this because this is where I'm. This age, or this is what society says. I'm supposed to be married, have kids. The whole thing is supposed to look like this picturesque idea of life. And that's not always, you know, what, where people's paths take them. And then we end up for myself anyway. There was a lot of shame in going through a divorce. There was a lot of shame in owning my sexuality, my sensuality, and owning my desires of what I want in an intimate relationship.

Andrea Tessier

Exactly. And that's so common. And when we exile parts of us, we have to have this protective system to make sure that that part that we've exiled through shame and fear and whatever it is, is safe, it stays there. And so when we can start to integrate that inner child, and when I say inner child, there's not just one. The inner child is a name for any aspect of our being that is a child, and tender and sweet. They can show up as two years old in the womb, 16 years old, and we start to integrate it, we start to meet it, we start to allow it to be witnessed. The shame and the fear and the humiliation. And we get to hold it from the grown human that we are right, from this place of love and compassion and deep knowing that is so healing in itself. And when the inner child is integrated, that is the most critical part of our awakening and our evolution, especially as women. Yeah, yeah.

Amie Barsky

I know from my own experience. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. That connection creates such a massive opening to your intuition to unlocking your creativity and your. And even your productivity. I'll use that word in both personal and professional growth. Like, that's been my experience anyway. I'd love to hear for you or some of your clients, is that.

Andrea Tessier

Would you say that's the inner child is like the most critical piece and that piece where we need to have that integrated so that because, yes, the inner child holds the pain and the trauma and the hurt, but also is responsible for our creativity and our innocence and our play and our aliveness. And so the more that we can awaken the inner child, the more we actually just have direct access to that and who doesn't want that, right? Because that's where life is really good.

Amie Barsky

And I really want to tie this back to because I know we said the word, but we didn't really dig around it a little bit. But when we have this relationship with ourself, with our inner children, with our creativity, with our intuition, the level of self trust, like, just get totally amplified, right? To trust myself and to go, oh, I'm not crazy. Like, there are parts of myself that exists and I get to have this loving and caring relationship with them and trusting ourselves to go, I got my back. I'm not going to self abandoned, because a lot of times, well, for me anyway, it was I felt abandoned in life. I felt so alone and so disconnected from my family, and therefore I felt this disconnect from myself because what I learned was my feelings weren't valid how what I was feeling and those expressions weren't valid. They weren't validated, they weren't accepted. So a lot of shame came around that. And then really going, okay, right now in my life as an adult, I get to accept all of that. I get to be with all that. I get to marinate in it and therefore building my own inner trust of, it's okay, it's safe to be yourself. It's safe to be who I am within myself, regardless of my external experiences or how other people may reflect. Of course I want to be an amazing human being the best I can with love and empathy towards others. And I get to be myself and not have to wear a mask and not have to pretend anymore. And that, in and of itself, of ownership, became a whole other level of like, I trust me and I got me. And that created a level of confidence because that's a practice.

Andrea Tessier

Yeah, I love that you said that. Most of my clients come to me because they feel like they don't trust themselves. They have a mission, a vision on their heart. They want to go for it, and they don't trust themselves to do what needs to be done. And the thing is, when you start to build a trusting relationship with every single one of your parts, the people pleaser, the inner critic, the saboteur, the inner child, every single one of them, you develop self trust because your system trusts you and you trust you. And from there, you get to feel empowered, you get to feel courageous, you get to feel, like, highly creative and do whatever it is that spirit or source has put on your heart and your intuition and you know that whatever it is, you can make it happen because you trust you.

Amie Barsky

Absolutely. I love this so much. And in my experience of working with my clients, when it comes to parts work and the complex emotions that are in the human experience, we can't escape it. So how do we be with the contrast of life? How do we simply be with, okay, this is here for me right now, and there's a lesson in a learning. And before we get to the lesson of learning, can I simply allow. Can I allow this to navigate its way through my physical body? Because almost always there's an energetic, like, you know, it gets clogged up like a hose with kinks in it. Okay, how can I start to unravel and unpack these kinks and let the channel open up, let the flood water, like, let it go. Right? And that, for me, was massive. And honestly, I have a couple of practices that I love that sometimes, you know, it's certain women, you know, we have our cycles and our hormones and things are shifting. It's. There's a moment in the month where I tune into this particular skill or this technique that allows me to let it go, to let it all out so I don't feel like I have to hold it. And it's holding me down. It's holding me back. It's causing the mental spiral of the thoughts and all the games that our brain wants to play to keep us small and safe. So when it comes to relationships and parts, and now you're working with the dynamics of maybe a partner's parts or their, you know, their thing, how would you suggest or encourage courage, the woman that might be listening right now, and she's like, but my partner, my spouse always does x, y, and z, and it's their fault. And they're pointing the finger, and they're blaming, like, how would you encourage them to start to navigate that from a different lens?

Andrea Tessier

It's so interesting. I'm working with a client at the moment who's in that exact same space. And what can happen is that when our system of parse does not feel integrated and in harmony, we do, there is conflict that shows up a lot more in our external relationships. And so what we really get to do is cultivate that sense of trust within first and that itself. Creating a harmonious inner relationship is the precursor to harmonious external relationships, always. And I think what can be really beautiful is just knowing, too, that your partner, as irritating as those behaviors might be, also has a system of protective parts. Right? And it makes me think of that sculpture from burning man of, like, those two grown ups are back to back, and they're angry with each other and they're disconnected. And within them are these two innocent inner child that just want connect.

Amie Barsky

And I want to clarify for our listener about what you're talking about. So, basically, it's a sculpture of two adults that are back to back and, like, arms crossed and angry with each other and not looking at each other. And really, you know, so they're back to back, and then inside the sculpture. Cause the sculpture is like a metal, almost like a fencing, if you will, so you can see through it. And then inside this sculpture is two little children want face to face, like, hands to hands and wanting to connect. And it's such a beautiful piece of art. It was one of my favorites. I've got to. I'm so blessed. I got to see it in person and talk about, like, real shit. Like, that's as real as it gets, you know, when we're in conflict, when we're in confusion, when we're in blaming and pointing the finger and all of that, almost always that inner child, those inner children are just like, just love me. I just want you to love me. I want you to see me. I want you to hear me. I want you to hold me. No need to fix it. Just acknowledge, you know, and so. Oh, man.

Andrea Tessier

That humans, humans, that's relating, right? It's like, we see that other people's annoying behaviors that piss us off are also there. Protective and manager parts that are protecting a tender inner one. And who just wants loved. Just wants to be loved.

Amie Barsky

Yeah, exactly. I love it. I love it. Is there anything else? I feel like, you know, as we start to wrap up this conversation, Takashi, so much here. So much here. Is there anything you want to share that we haven't covered since we have a few more minutes left?

Andrea Tessier

You know, I think that if anybody is curious about this work, this work is so transformational on a deep level. So if there's somebody out here that's listening to this who's maybe been hearing about parts work because Dick Schwartz has gone on a bunch of podcasts, you've done a little bit of learning yourself there. It's weird. Like, when you experience your parts with a trained practitioner for the first time, this whole world that you didn't even know existed comes to life. You are sensing things in your body you didn't know were there. You might be seeing energies. You might be visualizing these, like, weird or seemingly weird characters or images that don't make sense to the thinking parts of your brain, but actually make a ton of sense from your subconscious mind. And so I love to say, like, this is a wild and wacky world of your inner and combined with somatic work, which you adore. And I'm a practitioner, when we can blend these two, there is nothing that I have seen transform lives, relationships, businesses in this way. So if you want to feel more confident, parts work. If you want to feel more empowered, parts work. If you want to feel more creative, parts work. Because we are removing. Building a better relationship with integrating is a better word, the aspects of us that aren't really you to really come home to this natural essence of who you really are that everybody has and we call self energy. But the thing is, everybody has it. Every single person. I have never met a person who does not have self energy. And when you're working with your system in this way, most people report just saying, oh, that's who I really am. And there's nothing more liberating than that.

Amie Barsky

I love that. And then they're coming back home to themselves. And in that coming back home, there is a liberation, a sense of freedom, of, like, fucked. Wow. Like, this is the thriving versus the surviving, right? This is what it feels like to actually thrive. And I really want to presence that for our listener. It's not a one and done, right? It's not, oh, I'm just gonna have a session or whatever. Like, it is just like any part that is well practiced, you know, you're a procrastinator, you're perfectionist. Your efficiency part, your. Whatever part of that it is, you know, it's well practiced. It's got decades of lifting the muscle, you know, practicing and building the strength. So to work with the part and get back in connection, so excited, you get in connection with true self. It's practice again. So it's unpacking the decades of the packing that you've been doing for the practicing you've been doing for decades, right? And so it's. I really want to presence that because there is no quick fixed. And I think sometimes we live in this world, I know sometimes we live in this world where everything is so fast, like, you know, everything. We can get food at our fingertips. We can get everything we want in 24 hours or less for the most part. And, yeah. So really want to lean into the idea of play. Play with these parts, get to know them. Give yourself permission to just have open ended conversations with them without any judgment.

Andrea Tessier

Yeah. And the other thing that's really cool it's internal family systems. It is a system, right? So just like, one toxic co worker can, like, ruin an office dynamic, one more toxic part of us can really throw off your whole system. And so, you know, when we do start to unravel the necklace, if you imagine, like, the knot in the necklace and you pull it, it does bring a lot of relief to the system. And so it's, you know, a lot of clients that I start to work with are like, oh, my God, I have so many parts. What am I going to do? This is going to take years. I'm effed up, right? Because we have an infinite number of parts. And I'll say no, actually, because, you know, we can work with a few parts, unburden them, and you feel a tremendous amount of space and relief quickly. And yes, I've been doing this work as a practitioner and in my own work for years, and I still will and I will continue to do it because it's that important and a part of my coming home to myself. But you can get a lot of peace and relief.

Amie Barsky

And I also feel, you know, as you open the door to personal development and growth and expansion, you know, our soul is on a trajectory to elevate. And so when you're in that space of a learning mind, a learning brain of like, oh, what's next? Next? What else is possible? And that's the play. That's what life's about. Life is about growth and expansion. We're not here to play small or what's the word? I want to settle. We're not here to settle. We're here to actually keep moving. And so it's okay to want more in your life, and that could be more of whatever it is. It's okay to want more money, more love, more abundance, more joy, more laughter, more orgasms, more bliss, more chocolate, whatever the thing is. Like, that's okay, right? We're here to enjoy life and be in the luxury of infinite possibilities. And the only thing that's capping us from those possibilities is probably one of one or two of our parts that play a major role. And so, like you said, if you can start to work with that one that tends to run the show or drive the bus, almost always the other guys will start to settle back, too, and they'll go for the ride. You know, they'll sit on the bus and they'll go for the ride. And your true self can go in the direction in which you want to create, you know, those goals and dreams and desires that are yummy. And delicious and juicy. And you're like, but I can't. But you can take action one step at a time, you know? So how can people reach you? How can they connect with you?

Andrea Tessier

Yes, come find me on Instagram. I am there almost daily. It's just my name, Tessier. Andrea, you can come send me a pm. Tell us that you listened. I would love to hear what your takeaways from this are. I'll also share with your listeners my freebie. It's a juicy workbook called Clear Mind Clearpath, and I call it an unconventional guide to decision making for overthinkers. And so in it, I am actually guiding you through some really juicy parts, work processes so that you can start to connect with some of your parts on your own. And in that, you're kind of clearing the way for more clarity in your decisions. So I'll drop that for your listeners here. And I think that the biggest thing that I hope that somebody can take away, number one, stop relating to yourself as I'm a perfectionist. I am a people pleaser. I am a. This. It's. I have a part that is. A part of me is a people pleaser. A part of me is a perfectionist. I have a, you know, inner critic part because it's not you. So that'll give you enough space to see that it's outside of yourself. And number two, and it doesn't become your identity. Not your identity. It is not who you are. I guarantee it doesn't show up all of the time, in every circumstance, in every part of your life. I guarantee it doesn't. And number two, anytime that you are overwhelmed, feeling totally crazy, a part of you is in charge. So remember that anytime you're like, what is going on with me? I don't understand why I feel like garbage. A part of you has hijacked your system. It is not always going to be this way. And what that part needs is an internal leader that it never had. So meet it with compassion. Meet yourself in love. And if that's all you're doing after today's call, you will be changed.

Amie Barsky

I love that. I love that. And then, so please share with us what is your I come first daily practice or one of.

Andrea Tessier

No. I was like, oh, I'm still like, which one do I want to say? Which one do I want to say? And, you know, before the call, I was sharing the season in my life right now. I've done a lot of learning, and I realized that there's times in our life when it's time to push, like, when it's really time to go for something. There are times in our life where it's just time to pause and see what comes through. And there's times in our life when it's time to pull back. And I have the discernment now that this season in my life is about pulling back, and it's about really amplifying myself, care practices. And so that looks different all of the time. And so what I would say and share is, like, getting really clear for the listener, what season are you in? Is this a push season? Is this a pause season, or is this a pullback season? And what do you need to do to be in integrity with that? Because my pullback season right now is lots of naps, lots of meditating, lots of walking, lots of yoga. And that feels juicy.

Amie Barsky

I love this. And I know we're kind of wrapping up, but I want to ask this question, so I'm going to ask it. What's the distinction? How does one distinguish the difference between a pullback and a procrastination part taking over?

Andrea Tessier

Yeah. So procrastination is protection. And so this is, I use the word discernment. So discernment is key. And that means getting really radically honest with yourself, honestly and often. And so you can feel the difference. You can feel the difference when this is a time to pause or pull back versus, oh, this is actually me procrastinating. Like, even as I say that, I watched my face and I felt the shift in my body, procrastination energy is, like, closed in. I, like, scrunched my face up. I contracted. And a pause. When I was describing my pause, I was, like, leaning back. I was, like, feeling good. Your body will tell you exactly.

Amie Barsky

Thank you for that distinction, my listener. Please hear that loud and clear. Your body is always communicating with you. It is always communicating with you. So when you're in that state of pause, it will feel more freedom. It'll feel like there's a lightness off your shoulders. If it's in that place of procrastination or another part, it will feel like a collapse, like a closure. That's my biggest distinction. So I'm really glad that we plugged in that last little bit here. So good. So good. Well, gosh, we could talk all day. We already know that. Thank you so much, Andrea, and all this wisdom that you just dropped here. Please, please go and get your beautiful guide. Get Andrea's beautiful guide to clear mind, clear path. Go grab it. It's free. Give yourself the opportunity to experience it for yourself. And of course, if you want to work with Andrea or myself, drop something into our IG DM's. We are always available here to serve and support women who are badasses in their lives and who want to continue to up level and create epic relationships with themselves and their people. All of it. And, you know, in their purpose in life. So yes, have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thank you for coming and we'll see you soon.

Andrea Tessier

Bye.

Amie Barsky

Thanks for tuning into today's episode. I know your time is valuable and I'm so grateful that we get a chance to share this space together. If you're wanting more from myself or any of my guests right now, I am a hell yes to that. I love your enthusiasm, so let's make it happen. Simply check out the links in the show notes for all the information on the latest offerings, programs, and possibilities to connect outside this space. Or feel free to send me a DM on instagram. Amybarskycoaching and of course, if you have any reflections or feedback, I am all ears. Also, if you feel this episode supported you, will you please leave a rating and a yemenite review? Your reviews really help people to discover the show and if you know of anyone you feel would benefit from this podcast, please pass it along. A special thanks to my parents for always watching over me and for my team at fullcast for making this show possible. I can't wait to be back in your ears next week. Trust me, you won't want to miss this next episode.